Talked with an idiot.

sorabji.com: What have you done?: Talked with an idiot.
THIS IS A READ-ONLY ARCHIVE FROM THE SORABJI.COM MESSAGE BOARDS (1995-2016).
By Czarina on Tuesday, February 13, 2001 - 10:15 am:

    I got a phone call yesterday about an ad I had run to sell some parrots.I had listed a Double Yellow Headed Amazon for sale.[Parrots species usually have many sub-species,and have common names in relation to distinguing colors,ie. Mexican Red Head,Blue Fronted etc.]So the phone rings and wakes me up,and this guy says,"Hi,I'm calling about your ad for the parrot."He then asks appropriate questions,"what sex is the bird,how old is the bird?".And then he says,"And he's got two heads,right?".I reply,[while trying not to laugh],"Uh,no,he's only got one head."I could hear the disappointment in his voice as he replies,"Oh."Then after a long pause,I hear him holler out to someone in the background,"It's only got one head!" He then replies,"Well,thank you,but thats not what we were looking for."
    Damn,another lost sale.

By crimson on Tuesday, February 13, 2001 - 12:45 pm:

    i'm pissing myself laughing, here. thanx for posting that story.

    check this out: one of my customers came to me w/ a question about some women's perfumed dusting powder. you know, the stuff you put onto your skin w/ a powder puff after bathing. know what she asked me?

    "is it okay if i eat this?"

    i had to calmly explain that ingesting a box of perfumed talc powder would be extremely inadvisable.

By semillama on Tuesday, February 13, 2001 - 02:14 pm:

    It's things like that that make me want to spend hours pursuing the chain of thought that precedes utterances like that.

By Platypus on Tuesday, February 13, 2001 - 02:20 pm:

    I just got a call from a retired veteran protesting a bill..he sort of described it hazily and I went to look it up in the Congressional Record. As it turns out, the bill was from the 100th Congress.
    I do wish that if people are going to call their Congressman about a bill, they'd check and make sure that it was from the current Congress, not a dead bill from seven years ago...

By crimson on Tuesday, February 13, 2001 - 02:26 pm:

    I also got a question once about a large shipment of bulk incense. A guy e-mailed me with his question (after making the purchase).

    "Is this incense I just bought new or used?"

    Yeah, it's used, buddy. I'll be mailing you that box of ashes any time now.

By Antigone on Tuesday, February 13, 2001 - 02:54 pm:

    Sem, only an anthropologist would say that.

By Pilate on Tuesday, February 13, 2001 - 03:00 pm:

    At this library I used to work for, I had a guy come in and ask about a certain book. I helped him find it. Then he informed me that he'd checked it out before and his son had ripped out the illustrated pages because he liked the pictures so much. The guy came back to tear out the last illustration because the kid had forgotten to do it before returning the book. He ripped out the page, threw the book down on the floor and walked out of the library whistling.

By semillama on Tuesday, February 13, 2001 - 03:17 pm:

    Now that 's the kind of thing that makes me call the cops. Not that they would do anything, but still.

By J on Tuesday, February 13, 2001 - 03:41 pm:

    I had a pretty wierd call a couple of weeks ago,some guy called and asked for Bob.I said"you must have the wrong number".Then he asked me if I lived at(my address),so then I was paranoid and started going off on him about how did he know my address andf who the hell was he?Turns out I had entered a contest in The Phoenix New Times and I had won.Karma Records were giving away a gift certificate,if you knew Bob Dylan's real name.I guess when I entered it,I also put Bob Dylan's real name where my name was supposed to go.When I got the certificate in the mail,it was addressed to Bob.On the New Times website,where they list the winners,I show up as Bob Dylan.That guy must think I'm nuts.

By J on Tuesday, February 13, 2001 - 03:43 pm:

    Could have at least used Richard Zimmerman.

By Czarina on Tuesday, February 13, 2001 - 03:55 pm:

    Thats why I love you,J!!!!!!!!!!

By Pug on Wednesday, February 14, 2001 - 03:35 pm:

    Is it Richard Zimmerman or ROBERT Zimmerman?
    Some friends I know have an Amazon Parrot named Chester-----the thing is ANCIENT....it's got some hideous arthritic condition where its head bends back at a 90 degree angle and it will bite anyone but ONE of its two owners.....I've spent long peiods of time staring Chester down and talking to him....I wouldn't trust the fucker with my finger for a second----no way.

By crimson on Wednesday, February 14, 2001 - 05:10 pm:

    a buddy of mine used to have a parrot. the thing would shriek "YOU BITCH!" every time i stepped into the room. no joke. it also used to scold itself for being a naughty bird. its major talent consisted of alternately cursing like a longshoreman & whistling the theme to "bridge over the river kwai". endlessly.

By J on Wednesday, February 14, 2001 - 07:35 pm:

    It's Robert,see how goofy I get ?

By Dougie on Thursday, February 15, 2001 - 08:18 am:

    Damn, now I'm going to be whistling Bridge Over the River Kwai in my head for the next 3 days.

By Czarina on Thursday, February 15, 2001 - 11:14 am:

    As an OB nurse,I've had patients tell me some pretty unusual things.After I do my OB evaluation,I always ask the patients if theres anything else I should know about their health,to provide better service.This is one I'll never forget.After asking this normal looking woman this question,she pops out with,"Well,I've got a pastry in my vagina." Somewhat in shock,I paste a "normal" look on my face,and ask calmly,"And how did it get there?"{in my mind I'm picturing a big ole bear claw,or some jelly filled delight,tucked up her tootie}She replies,like this is the most normal thing in the world,"Why,Dr. Blue put it there."
    I ask,"And why did he tell you he was putting it there?" She replies,[like I'm an idiot],"Well,to hold my uterus up,of course." Understanding now hits me,and I say,"Oh,you mean Dr. Blue put a pessary,[an instrument to hold up a prolapsed uterus],in your vagina?" She replies rather tartly,"Thats what I just told you,isn't it?"

By J on Thursday, February 15, 2001 - 02:53 pm:

By crimson on Thursday, February 15, 2001 - 03:11 pm:

    i was being catheterized by a nurse one time. i was lying in a hospital bed, totally doped up on morphine. she fumbled w/ the equipment for an unnaturally long time. then she finally looked up & asked me, "hey, did i just put this thing in your vagina or your urethra?" maybe it's just because i was stoned, but i became rather alarmed by the fact that she wasn't sure. she had no idea what the hell she was doing. she also became insulted when, after a series of painful attempts, i requested to be catheterized by a different nurse.

By pez on Thursday, February 15, 2001 - 06:57 pm:

    about two years ago, about may or so, i was removed from school and sent to the hospital for testing because i had collapsed several times and scared a lot of people. i saw my doctor, who sent me to a specialist for an ekg who sent me to have some bloodwork done.

    i was pretty tired by the time i got to the blood office, a bit scared too. nobody had a clue about what might be wrong with me.

    so i got down there, and the nurse slips a rubber strap around my left bicep and tells me to pump my hand. i did, she felt around my arm for a while, then slipped the stap off of my arm and puts it around my right bicep. same process repeats, and she puts it back on my left arm.

    "pump."

    "more."

    "more."

    finally she threw her hands in the air and said she was going to use a baby needle.

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