A girlfriend of mine was telling me last night that she had broken up with a boyfriend because every shirt he owned had some kind of blue stripes. I was practically rolling on the floor as she tried, vainly, to explain how this was a complete transgression against fashion and nature. I dropped two boyfriends when they proposed. One proposed and I told him I'd think about it. And I did think about it....in Paris. The day after he proposed, I got on a plane to Europe and ran away. So why have you dropped people?

ive never dropped anyone

ultimately, i've dropped all of them.

same here. or the other way around.

because it was time to go to first grade and he went to catholic school because i threw up after helping him zip up his jacket because he wouldn't stop trying to kiss me because i didn't like the way he walked because of the car accident because i don't really like girls like that because i couldn't abide the selfishness because i was really just fucking around three because they said they loved me and they didn't know what they were talking about for transgressions too numerous to account and because it was about time

Heart, we will forget him! You and I, to-night! You may forget the warmth he gave, I will forget the light. When you have done, pray tell me, That I my thoughts may dim; Haste! lest while you’re lagging, I may remember him! (ED)

"because i threw up after helping him zip up his jacket"-More explanation needed. I was dumped. Because she reminded me of my mom. Because she killed my baby. Erin has not dumped me-yet.

because he came too fast and squirted volumes upon volumes of cum all over my belly. sorry, that was rude. it's true, though. ick.

that cracked me the fuck up! i'm cracked the fuck up! i'm going to smoke some dope!!

Nate, you've never been dumped?

kind of. i was dumped two or three times by my ex over the years. but in the end, i dumped her. other than that, i've been the dumper. DUMPER NATE DUMPER DUMPER.

1. he used to buy me alcohol and i'd drink it then we'd have a fight because he'd call me an alcoholic. 2. he'd never cum in me, he was so scared about pregnancy. weirdo. 3. he cheated on me

He was really stupid.

Didn't really dump 1st boyfriend. We saw each other secretly for a whole year becuz I was 13 & not allowed to date. He was 17. He taught me how to french kiss & play soccer. (Not at the same time.) He left for college/so that ended that. Dumped 1st real (i.e. physically intimate with) boyfriend becuz he left town when I told him I was preggers. I was 16/he was 22. Had to sell a pair of diamond earrings & a gold bracelet -- the only real jewelry I owned -- & get an abortion all by myself. (There is NOTHING as humiliating as showing up alone in a cab at the abortion clinic. Except possibly leaving alone in a cab.) He showed up at school looking for me a couple of months later. I just walked on by/like the song says. Never acknowledged his existance again. (And he lived right down the street from me.) Mutually split w/next boyfriend/in college/after 7 mos. of hot sex & scandal. We both knew it wasn't meant to last. He was my Freshamn Fling. We met pre-freshman weekend/when he was a Sophmore. He remembered me & looked me up my 1st week on campus. He had a live-in girlfirend who was apparently willing to look the other way. And I was 17 & a Freshman/on The Pill & on my own for the first time in my life. I had no sympathy whatsoever for a woman who wd give her man permission to fuck around on her. We were shamelessly public. Needless to say/I made quite a reputation for myself on campus. Which was fine by me. At the end of Freshman year/we agreed to part & he went back to his girlfriend. Who always spoke but also gave me the evil eye whenever I ran into them together. Dumped Sophmore-Junior year boyfirend becuz I caught him in bed w/another woman. (My comeuppance for being such a brazen tart Freshman year/I guess.) Gave up steady boyfriends for the rest of undergrad. Dated a lot of guys. Slept w/a few. After college I dumped the one man in my life who thought enuf of me to ask me to marry him -- ring & all -- becuz I realized even tho' he was good to me/he was not a good person. We were together 14 mos. I was 24 & he as 31 when we met. Other mid-to-late-20's boyfriends are a blur until age 28 or so. There was one I dated for a year & dumped when I caught him cheating/after suspecting him of it for some time. Got dumped at age 33 by a guy who pulled a classic stealth seduction on me. He was 5 or 6 years older/short & unattractive but smart & well-read. A snazzy dresser. And he dug my writing/enuf to talk to me abt it for hours. He had 3 kids from 2 previous relationships but had never married. (This was back when that shit wasn't commonplace. But he paid his child support on time & it was his business/not mine.) He made a very good living & was the kind of guy a playa looks at & thinks "Mealticket! All I have to do is let him knock me up." We'd been hanging out & getting high together/ going to the movies or out to hear some music/or trading books & sitting up all nite sniffing blow & talking abt them/for abt 10 mos. w/out him so much as kissing me goodnite. Which was fine/becuz I was *not* attracted to him at all. He supposedly had a girlfriend upstate during part of that time. But she'd been in a car accident & refused to drive anywhere/even down to see him. Even refused to ride the bus or train except to get to & from work. Which made no sense at all. Eventually/he got tired of doing all the commuting & they broke up. But he & I remained platonic pals. Then he called me one nite when I was in the middle of a major crying jag over not getting any film work & being broke in a crappy studio apt.& having no one who believed in me. And then/he suddenly turned into Rico Suave. He put down the phone while I was blabbering on endlessly & caught a cab to my apt. (He lived 5 min.away & didn't know how to drive -- classic city boy.) Next thing I knew/my doorbell was as ringing. He took me back to his house/plied me w/champagne (my absolute favorite beverage/which I cd only drink when he was buying) & professed to me that he'd been smitten with me since we 1st met. That he'd dreamed of being with someone like me all his life/but women like me never gave him the time of day... [Even when *you* know you're not all that/it's incredibly easy to fall for someone who thinks you are.] So of course/I gave him some. Me was all I had to offer. And he'd really pulled me back from a very dark & scary place. So we hooked up. And for a while/it was great. Then one night over dinner/he made this weird remark abt how he knew we'd never end up together becuz I'd eventually leave him for someone tall & rich & good-looking. Someone who 'deserved me'. Becuz guys like him never ended up with women like me... And I was shocked & insulted becuz I really had grown to love him. He treated me great. He got me totally. He valued my mind even more than my body/which he'd only recently had access to. (The sex was mediocre but I wrote that off to the coke.) And when you love a man/be he prince or frog/his looks become the the best possible way a man can look/in yr mind. So I told him I wasn't going anywhere. Ever. And we cd fly to Vegas that very same nite & get married/if that's what he wanted. Which I guess counted as me proposing. (He never did say yes or no.) Then a couple of weeks later/when I was making dinner for the 2 of us at my place/he called to say he was going to be late. That he had to call his ex from upstate & have a talk w/her becuz she thought she might be pregnant. I never heard from him again. Wdn't return my phone calls or pages. Changed his #. Wdn't answer the door when I came to his house. It was as if I had never existed. That's the only time I can recall being dumped. Since then/I've been strictly a solo act. For more reasons than I can explain here.

"2. he'd never cum in me, he was so scared about pregnancy. weirdo." this baffles me moongirl. that could potentially be a springboard for the whole childbearing/gender debate, and thats not what im looking for, but my question is...he actually took a measure to avoid pregnancy, and thats weird? as in "he always insited on condoms, freaking about pregnancy, weirdo" sounds odd, no? I never had many girlfriends and Im refusing to go back beyond high school. margAret was my first love. this cute, brutish, brooding skater betty i met while sneaking a cigarette in opunk club, where you couldnt smoke. i asked her to sit in front of me so the bouncer couldnt see me. we went out for 10+ months, i being a junior and she a freshmen, she never really put out but i was persistant. ironically, i brought her and her younger hottie (im talking supermodel hottie) of a sister in the scene and actually introduced them to future boyfriends. margaret dumped me, she only wanted to be friends. I was crushed. Two days later, i found out this cutey (another freshmen)Courtney, a kinda normal-joe girl at school dug me. so i jumped on the rebound. for some reason, the name courtney should have been a red flag. After nearly a year, she dumped me...when i went to college, she couldnt handle the distance blah blah. that was a messy break up. then in college i met this girl, ally, she was a cute fun girl, it was college so freedom and liberty were plentiful, compared to a year prior. sleeping over, staying out late and spontaneous drives to the beach and hotels were suddnely available. we just had sex over and over. she was a quiet girl, which bothered me to a certain extent. after the end of my freshmen year, i went to visit her, an hour away in Winston-Salem, stayed over night at her parents house...she seemed distant and pretty much blew me off after that. I freaked for a bit thinking she was pregnant, as we didnt use condoms, and she was the type of girl jsut to close up, not tell me and run away. then i met nico. never the dumper. i think i can be an overbearing, passionate individual and that probably pushed these girls away. it sometimes fails me as to why the strongest and most independent of women i've ever dated or sexed has stayed with me for 7 years (July 11th)

because i threw up after helping him zip up his jacket- it was first grade

hi heather how's it going?

I see. I was just wondering if there was a terrible smell or what when you unzipped it

I was dumped once for being too young......not too young to fuck but just too young for the heavy relationship I wanted. I was in my teens and the man was an adult. Later I was dumped by a policeman for reasons I still don't quite understand. He took a job out of state. He was supposed to come back to me. He didn't and I still don't understand why. We had a really nice relationship but he just drifted away and stopped making contact. Another lover dumped me, in a sense, by dying on me. The other relationships didn't involve any dumping at all......it's hard to dump a string of one-night stands. They just kind of magically disappear on their own when the sun comes up. But all of this has left me open to find the love of my life.

I love how threads slowly mutate like this. And R. C., thanks for coming back, you were missed. We really needed you to have a talk with a certain chosen one. anyhow, my first "relationship" was at fine arts camp when I was 15 and it lasted all of a week. She ended it by ignoring me. The next girl was when I was 16, and we dated for like, 2 or 3 months. I don't actually recall much of the dates we went on, except for the "Chucky" movie. Anyway, she dumped me at a high school dance, actually the same dance that my deceased friend dumped his girlfriend. Next we jump to being 21. I dated this girl who was in the Society for Creative Anachronism for about two months. I ended it because she wouldn't quit breaking down and sobbing about her previous boyfriend after we'd make out. That fall I dated Mavis long enough to fall for her, at which point she dumped me in a real ambivalent way, whcih effect was to have me believe for a long period that I still had some chance. Anyway. I sort of dated this friend of my friend's wife for a short while, but it ended since she didn't want to deal with her parents about me (I was too old). About a year later I was dating the friend of a co worker (another young one). That lasted a month and ended pretty mutually. I'm not sure why she wanted to quit the relationship, but I wanted to because she would never talk and the sex was pretty one-sided after we got past the stage where clothes came off. Um, that's about it.

i dumped most of them because after i fucked them i tended to not want to be around them. i was young. i dumped the last one because it just wasn't going to work. the current one would probably dump me before i'd dump her.

mostly i dump because they can't keep up. i either feel superior to them or scared. crushes i can handle. relationships, no.

I'm going to skip all the pre-sex boyfriends because I was a kind of slutty 6-year-old and it would take too long to list all the broken hearts I left in my wake. But one notable dropping involved me biting him and him crying. Pretty much the story of my life. 1. Highschool mistake. He had a car and played football for the state team. I dumped him because he was really dumb. 2. Senior year - University love. He was so sweet and smart and was captain of the football team. I dumped him when he started talking about what sort of house we'd have when we were married. Probably a big mistake. 3. Artistic guy. I can't remember why I dumped him. I think he yelled at me or something. He wasn't really significant apart from being the first guy to give me head. 4. Rich lawyer guy. I dumped him when he proposed and then ran away overseas the next day. 5. Love of my life. We met in Paris and travelled all over the World together. I dumped him right after I saved his life. Heroin overdose. 6. American guy. We met overseas, he moved here to do his Masters. I dumped him when he proposed but it took 6 months to convince him. Eventually I lied and said I cheated on him because I knew he needed to go home to do his PhD. He still proposes at least once a year. 7. He hit me.

And RC your post was so bloody interesting, it made me late for a meeting. You can really write a good yarn.

"I was a kind of slutty 6-year-old" you too huh?

who wasn't around here?

well, i don't know.

me.

not that i wanted it that way, but i was pretty boyish, and was only interested in becoming a boy, not kissing them.

POOLS OF SEMEN ON YOUR BELLY. JESUS CHRIST AGATHA.

yeah, but that was many, many years later.

Thanx Sem & Cat. S'nice to have been missed. :) Natorious: There are 2 types of people in this world -- dumpers & those who get dumped. You will never, ever be in the 2nd category. Cat: You were right abt the heroin user. Once you save someone's life/you've gotta cut-&-run/or sign on to have them forever indebted to you.

I recently bought my friend's 3-year-old some clothes from old navy, but she wouldn't let me get her the standard bikini because she said it was too sexy-looking.

three year olds aren't sexy. RC: i think it all depends on what rung of the ladder you stand on. if you look down, you're the dumper. currently, i'd be the dumpee. if anything.

so what does that say about me, never being the dumper?

1) because she led me to believe she was pregnant 2) because she was so depressed it was painful to be around her 3) because she was the most uptight human being I'd ever met 4) (2, 2nd time around) because she tried to get pregnant by stopping her birth control and not telling me 5) because she told me, one year into the relationship, that she'd never loved me or enjoyed sex. It took me 6 months after that to actually break up, though. 6) because she antagonized me so much I punched through a wall 7) because, for a whole month, picked fights with me every day, while saying that nothing was bothering her. I made the mistake of finding out surreptitiously... 8) (7, 2nd time around) because I realized I was an idiot for being with her again 9) because I never really existed for her, and she made sure she would never exist for me. She was, and remains, a ghost.

does it imply i dont have any self respect? being the dumpee and never the dumper???

it just means that you stand on a different rung on the ladder. don't worry about it patrick.

Because I was the biggest damn fool that ever walked this earth. Mostly I have had an incrediably fun/interesting life.I only have one regret.One thing I would change,if it were only possible. Its ironic,the one thing I desire most,is completely unattainable.And I have had to live with my choice on a daily basis.It was the wrong choice.

the pre-adolecence years: 1) we both graduated from preschool and went on to different elementary schools. we couldn't manage to hold on to a long-distance (re: five miles) relationship. 2, 3, 4, & 5) when i was nine, i moved to another town ten miles away. once the school year was over, we never heard from one another again.

i'm intregued, Czarina... 1- it was 1st grade and he was the bad ass kid. i was just a loser kid. I think he ended up in jail, eventually. I think we kissed once, but i can't remember 2- it was 6th grade, and i had a crush on him for years. He went for some dancer girl at the first party i ever went to. I sat in a corner all night and danced with a broom while they made out in that clumsy preteen way. It was classic, really, just like tv. He's a cocaine dealer now. 3- it was 7th grade and it lasted all of a month. Maybe less. 2 weeks. No-one knew why i liked him and i can't even remember who dumped who or how it ended. I realized later that i liked him because he was brutally effeminate, and even at that age, without even knowing it, i was a giant fag hag. Still am. In highschool he finally came out and no one was surprised. He's one of those idiot candy club boys now. I was the last girl he ever kissed. 4- football player. What the hell was i thinking. It was 9th grade and i liked the attention. I was not in a good state of mind at the time. I was suicidal. I needed any affection i could get. I think he really just wanted to show me off like a trophy novelty to his buddies...Hey guys! check out my freaky goth girlfriend! She's so gloomy! My folks will flip! Exotic eh??? ...barf. Barf. 6 months, very bad. Him holding me down to his bed threatening to rape me if i didn't put out. And etc. Needless to say, he didn't lighten my mood. I dumped him. I loved watching him cry. I stole tons of his shit. 5- the pedophile. 2 years that were great, until the end. He made me want to live again, so i can say that he really saved my life. In truth i really don't know what happend there in the end. I had to dump him twice, the first time i got too lonely without him. He was a part of me. But we both knew when it was really over. We broke. He went insane, truly insane. It's been years but every now and then i get an email or phonecall where he says that he wakes up in the morning thinking that the years that have past were all a dream and i'm still in love with him and he cries and cries. I hope he gets better. It's scary. after that i was alone for a real long time. Then i started chasing again. And a week after i gave up forever i found my love. The jerk, ruining my plans.

it's nice to be single for a while. don't have to keep the other person entertained or worry about what they think.

of course the one thing you want the most is completely unattainable. that is the nature of desire.

i disagree but i don't know how to say this without being offensive

So many interesting conversations die because of lack of offence. I find it hard to be offended by Heather. She has this never-ending adorableness that makes you glad she is noticing you enough to offend you.

ok, maybe not completely unattainable. but there is a corelation between desire and the difficulty of attainment. by definition, you can't long for something you've already got right there. I think books and movies and songs have been written about this subject.

"So many interesting conversations die because of lack of offence." Cat sniffs tiny black rat asses.

I'm completely turned off by unattainability. Not joking.

"Cat sniffs tiny black rat asses." When are you going to quit with the compliments and start offending, you big oozing lump of rat smegma?

I eat big oozing lumps of rat smegma fondue at birthday parties and barmitzvas. You're going to have to do better than that...

How about this? Cat is completely and utterly normal in every way. I didn't mean it! Honest!

Now that's cruisin' for a bruisin'. You're going to be Demillama by the time I finish with you.

hmph i didnt add my pedophile, or my one that died.... back to the never cum boy - he would turn up, we'd fuck (with condoms) until he felt like he was gonna cum, then he'd pull out and masterbate (still with condom) and that was that. Boringist sex I have ever had. He had a huge dick but had no idea what to do with it, and that really annoyed me but I didn't like him enough to be bothered teaching him how to use it better. yes i was a bit of a slapper at 19.

slapper! ha!

I was always dumped except for two. Most of the dumping (4 times) came from a girl with a unique name. Used up most of my highschool trying to be with her. There were a couple others. I always wanted to date friends. It was generally a bad idea. The first girl I did dump was a second-time girlfriend. We had dated many years previous, and she had dumped me. She was probably the only girlfriend that I had who I hadn't previously been friends with more a year or more. We dated the second time mostly because her previous boyfriend had just died and she needed someone to fill the void - someone who'd be good to her... and I felt sorry for her. We were from different highschools, and socially she was many, many rungs above me. She had more friends at my school than I did. I dumped her because I dissapeared when one of her many friends showed up. I became completely invisible. I felt absolutely awful for dumping her after her last boyfriend had died. She said she'd like to be friends, and would call me when she felt she was ready to. Never did. And that's ok. The second one began during the summer after I graduated High School. Some of this story is still around in the old sorabji posts. I worked with her flipping noodles at Noodle Express. She had an out-of-control 3-year old. She claimed me very suddenly. After my good friend met her, he claimed that I would loose my virginity within 2 days. I didn't believe him. He was exactly right. I dumped her from my dorm phone when she called to say she wouldn't be coming to college that year. That's not why I dumped her. I had just realized that I didn't like her. My friends had all been very supportive of my bad idea, even though they hated her. They did, however, have a plan to rescue me in case of marriage. She was obviously looking for a father for her son. She found one soon after I dumped her. Even invited me to the wedding. I met my current love while I was still realizing that I didn't like my girlfriend.

I'm about always the dumpee. Hi guys----been awhile...

hi pug

pug's going to be gone for a week. he hasn't been posting because his modem's fried. which brings me to my breakup history. i've dumped some people, & i've been dumped. i sometimes end up getting dumped by people who don't understand the way i live. they think it's a phase i'm going through. when they realize that NO, i'm really not going to wake up one morning & become a nice smiling little housewife type, they tend to flip out. yes, i'm really like this all the time. no, i'm not going to change for some clown just because i happen to share a bed w/ him. also, some of the breakups were over issues of monogamy. i would tell them i didn't believe in monogamy. they'd smile & nod. then they'd freak out at some point down the road, as if i hadn't told them bluntly in plain english that i had no plans whatsoever to be sexually "faithful" to them, whatever that's supposed to mean. anyway, i think one of the most painful breakups i've experienced, in terms of screwing w/ my head, was w/ a woman. she dumped me over a religious argument. she decided that we weren't theologically compatible. also, this guy dumped me because he found out that i have surgery scars on my body. he said he didn't like it that my body was aesthetically marred & he just couldn't deal w/ that level of ugliness. he was an artist & said he could only intellectually process beauty. what a schmuck.

Unfortunately,in my case,that which I desire is truly unattainable.He is dead.When I left him,it was only for a little while.He had encouraged me to spread my wings and fly.I did,right out of his life.With the intent of going back,as I knew I had found my lifes mate. He made me whole.He made me glad to be alive.He made me very glad to be a woman.I have never experienced this feeling with anyone else.He just rocked my socks. I have always been an extremely busy person,usually with a million projects I'm working on concurrently.I resent intrusions while I am working/researching.I think that I am not a particularily loveable person.I'm intensely private,and don't like to be fondled all over when I have things to do. But this man had an astounding effect on me.There was no place I would rather be,than with him.I could let weeks of research be lost,and not have a qualm about it.I was content just to be in his presence.I loved to watch him work.He made me a very happy person.And I still miss him terribly.None of this is any good without him. I miss seeing him look into my eyes,and feeling the love when he did.I still ache for his arms,the touch of his hand.And I still feel that ache,deep down inside,that aloneness.I wasn't done.I needed more time.

ahhh he pulled WITH a condom as well. dork.

I have never dumped anyone. But I have been dumped. Let's take a stroll down memory lane . . . (I think I will skip middle school. Middle school needs to be left, not revisited.) Rose dumped me because she wanted to screw Paxton. She is the only one with a real, honest reason. We would have never worked out anyway. She's waaaaaaaay to wild for me. Maggie dumped me, I think, because I was too clingy and smothery and all that. I didn't think I was at the time, and now it is too long ago for me to remember. <sour grapes> Oh well. She's changed now anyway. I bet I wouldn't like her if I met her today for the first time. </sour grapes> Kate dumped me because her friends didn't like me. Regardless of what she said, that was the real reason. They resented the fact that she spent time with me instead of them sometimes. Good riddance, I say. That is just the ones where there was a relationship to begin with. The pre-boyfriend/girlfriend rejections are too numerous, and, in some cases, too painful to reopen. I just realized that in all of these it was better for me that I was dumped rather than staying with the girl. I needed to get out while I could, and they gave me an appropriate avenue to do so. Of course, it may just be because they were teenagers, and they were testing out their newfound power over heterosexual males without considering the consequences. Or maybe they didn't like spending time with me. Who knows? I am past all that crap now anyway.

oh, poor baby. i remember i once dumped a guy, then he made it up to me and as soon as the relationship was whole again, he dumped me. how bizarre.

maybe the guy got a kick out of breaking up. I have heard of stranger things

I say Lloyds of London shd offer Love Insurance. They've insured movie star's body parts/so they cd certainly come up w/some sort of Romantic Failure policy. Say you meet someone & you find yrself falling in love/making major changes in yr life for this person. Maybe you moved to another city to be closer to them. Maybe you loaned them a substantial sum of money. Whatever. Falling in love always seems to involved Major Lifestyle Changes. You cd just take out a policy w/Lloyd's. Keep the premuims current. And if you break up w/them at least you'll get a checque for yr troubles. Singles need something like this! The fact that there's no divorce involved means we can't rely on the courts to make sure we are treated fairly. Nate spent 'the price of a car' on an engagement ring/which his ex kept. (I assume becuz he told her too.) If he'd had Love Insurance/he cd've recouped the $$ he blew on that rock. Even those of us of lesser means wd still appreciate getting a cheque in the mail when the relationship crashes & burns. So you cd afford to move back to where you were living originally. Or recoup the $$ you loaned hem if they stiffed you after you broke up. Or be reimbursed for all that sexy lingerie you bought when you'd just as soon wear cotton undies & a t-shirt. I know it's insane/but it wd still be nice...

That sounds like a plan to me and you are brilliant,btw,I was definately one of the people that e-mailed Nate to make her give the ring back,but he doesn't care,but it sure pisses me off.

I wonder if Lloyds would find some of us un-insurable?

I have never had a serious romantic relationship. a serious romantic relationship, to me, means one that lasts longer than three months, and one in which I feel very strongly for the other party. I've had strong feelings for people I've been with, but it never lasted very long. and I've been in longer relationships, but the strong feelings weren't there. given all of that, I really feel like I can say "I've never had a boyfriend" and mean it.

i am fundamentally opposed to forking over lump sums of cash for insurance. insurance companies are the greatest evil the world has ever known. compared to them, other supposedly evil companies (like microsoft) are about as menacing as a feisty little kitten. evil.