| THIS IS A READ-ONLY ARCHIVE FROM THE SORABJI.COM MESSAGE BOARDS (1995-2016). |
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I stood at the big cardboard display with another woman, a stranger, on the Saturday after Thanksgiving. It was so ludicrous. I didn't know which kind to get. She didn't know which kind to get. The only difference I could tell among the four was price. I like my father quite a bit. The previous day I took him to see the Spruce Goose, which he's talked about for years. "It costs $10 to get in [the museum], you know," he always said. "But I'm going to see it someday." Someday. We were all out there in the area near the museum. We had all been drinking wine. I suggested that we just go. We were right there, really. "Is it in the Entertainment book?" she asked. "No," my dad said. "How do you know?" "Because I looked." "Well, look again." She really is a bitch. We went in the museum, where the plane was in full view. "I can't see why anyone would pay to go in there, when you can see it right from here," she said. "I'll just stay in the snack bar. I don't see the point." I paid. My dad got a dollar off because he's a veteran and I got a dollar off because I'm a veteran's daughter. Honestly, I've never given a fuck about Howard Hughes (or "Howard Huge," the comic strip about the St. Bernard) or wooden planes or military aircraft or anything in this museum, except the bathroom (clean, commodious, serviceable). After that was taken care of, I was ready to leave, but I walked really slow and read all the signs and let my dad enjoy being near the Spruce Goose (which is actually mostly made of birch). In Wal*Mart I asked the woman, the stranger, if she had any idea what the difference between the shavers was. We had been circling the display for like five minutes. I read all the packages, and besides the fact that one of them was a wet/dry shaver, I couldn't tell why some cost $58 and another $118. Goddamn, I swear, I would have bought my dad the $118 shaver. EVEN THOUGH it said it was the official James Bond 007 shaver, I would have bought it anyway. If this stranger (what, do you think I was going to get a clerk's attention, and do you think they'd have any idea, come on), if this stranger had told me one thing that was a recognizable improvement over the $58 Quadra model, I would have gotten my dad the good one. But she didn't. Nor did she admit that she had no fucking idea. Nor did she state the obvious, that you'd be paying the extra $60, the extra 100%, for the privilege of owning the official James Bond 007[TM] shaver. Why couldn't she have recognized how ridiculous the situation was? We could have shared a little Christmas moment, she and I. "Why is that one better, why does it cost $118?" I asked. And she read me the fucking package. I don't remember the description, but I'm sure it said something like this [from www.norelco.com]: *** SPECTRA [James Bond] Personalized. Seductive. Best in Class. The exquisitely designed Spectra razors use Norelco's most innovative dry shaving technology. The Spectra razors represents [sic] Norelco's flagship for superior shaving performance and personalized comfort. QUADRA [my dad] Progressive. Cutting-Edge. Innovative. Quadra Action razors are all of the above and more. Starting with its unique two-stage cutting system and ending with its ease of cleaning, Quadra Action razors offer the superior convenience, comfort and closeness you want from a dry electric razor. *** I guess it doesn't matter now because the thing is wrapped and I would never stand in a Wal*Mart returns line, but if you have any idea what the difference between Spectra and Quadra is, please let me know. |
About 20 people are going to get bottles of "homemade" coffee liqueur (cheap vodka + coffee + sugar + vanilla). I stole this idea from a friend who wrote me a letter this week. Since I last heard from her six months ago, she's gotten pregnant, fallen in love, and bought a house. I replied with a note that's even more boring than the shit I'm posting here. My parents won't just get the Wal*Mart electronics; they're also getting DVDs of old home movies. My brother is getting the first season of Babylon 5 on DVD along with some dumb anime crap he says he likes. He also wants me to buy him a motherboard. When I was in New York this summer, wondering if I would run into Mark, I got my friend Shawn a Andy Warhol book at the Guggenheim. A couple days ago I ordered his wife "Ciao, Manhattan" on DVD. Next time I see them we're going to watch the Brigid Berlin documentary. I'm glad we have a theme. I'll probably get my dad and boyfriend bottles of Scotch (likely Glenfiddich and Lagavulin, respectively). I just blew my gift wad on my boyfriend's birthday in November. Digital camera. I may get him a memory card or something for it. But I don't want to up the whole gift ante between us. I'd like to back down from the $200 bar I just raised. I've already wrapped a bottle of Southern Comfort for S. OK. I'm also giving her an eBags purchase I decided I didn't want. That's shitty, isn't it? It's a black leather backpack. I put the liquor in the backpack. She can throw it out if she doesn't like it, but maybe she will like it. I bought a much nicer black leather Perlina backpack for myself. Shit. I better not have it on when I give her the gift. I may give my friend K. half a smoked slamon I bought from an old Indian guy from the back of his truck (it's vacuum-sealed). Half a king salmon for $15. She loves smoked salmon. I bought a used DVD copy of "Nude Tai Chi and Nude Yoga" for a friend of) a friend. (Yes, of course, I watched it first. |
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Some friends who live 35 miles away are coming over in 45 minutes. It just occurred to me that this is an official holiday visit. I don't have time to make a label for the fake kahlua, but I better wrap it at least. |
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My roommate L is always saying that she hates christmas because it is all about greed and gluttony, and giving people presents that will "feed their vices". I disagree. Its not all about greed and gluttony. it can be about that, but if you look at from another angle, its about people being kind. From her point of view, as i see it, even the first christmas can be seen as gluttony. Everyone craves security and guidance, and that was what the original christmas was about: god giving us a leader to teach us and tell us the right thing. christmas now is an extension of that, albeit more materialistic in the cravings and gifts. But still, it is about making other people happy. this is hard for me, because i can see her point of view, but it just goes against my core feelings about christmas. Christmas, yes, has got to do with indulgence. but is that so bad? we surround ourselves with people we love and good food and happy music. we all give each other gifts that will bring happiness. i think it just has to do with attitude. i think its okay to indulge. my roommate, on the other hand, has made up her mind to be unhappy about many things, so she can't see the joy in them. it saddens me, but hopefully her bah humbug wont rub off on me too much. Merry Christmas. |