nothing on this board shall be construed as a threat. this is no more than a thought experiement based on how various sorabjiites portay themselves on sorabji.com. -----------------------------------

Hmm. I'd like to believe it would be drugged and drowning at the bottom of a pool ('nymph, in thy orisons, be all my sins remembered') but I'm pretty sure it will be from lung cancer or one of the hereditary cancers my family is prone to at some age way past I wanted to live to on a fixed income in a decrepit rental house reeking of cat urine. Next?

Hmmm...I'd kind of like to die like Cora in Six of One. But I probably won't. I don't feel a need to speculate on it much. When I was a teenager, I was hellbent to determine how I was going to go...I guess everyone goes through that stage, though.

Well/this Sorabjite plans to die in her sleep in a beachouse w/french doors that open onto the ocean &/her cat at the foot of the bed after getting royally laid by her fabulous husband. He goes downstairs to get us some post-coital Ben & Jerry's/& when he comes back/I've slipped into Oblivion w/a smile on my face. Sheila will simply refuse to die. Heaven's too small for her & Hell has too much food fried in beef tallow. And the ducks simply wd not tolerate anyone else looking after them. Nate will die in the act of screwing a 25 yr-old hottie when he's 87. Swine will die of a drug overdose in bed w/3 different women. He will be wearing a Bootsy Collins costume w/Parliment Funkadelic blaring from 16 different speakers. The women will be so devastated at his passing that they will shave their heads/don habits & depart to found a convent: The Sisters of Funkadelic Grace. Their numbers will grow astromonically as Swine's former lovers travel from around the world to join the order. Patrick & his wife will expire during an act of Tantric sex captured on videotape. Through prior arrangement/the tape will be posted at Sorabji.com/so all the rest of us can be jealous over how spectacular sex can be btwn married people who truly adore each other. Semillama will/of course/be buried in a rock slide during a dig. But his remains will be perfectly preserved & discovered by a grad student 600 yrs. later. Cleo will go to MIT/become a computer science pioneer & be the 1st to discover how to download the human brains onto the Web. She will create a website for Dave & Agatha/so they will effectively live forever in the virtual world. His Markness is also destined for immortality/as are all the best gods. He will visit The Sisters of Funkadelic Grace once a year to service them as a reward for their devotion/& to perform the Witchita Vortex (is that the title of that wonderful Glass piece?) for their annual fundraiser. Markus will be granted immortality by His Markness & become the bartender at the convent. He will entertain visitors with his stories of Swine's antics at Sorabjiland & serve divine concoctions made from more than 300 of the best world's best tequilas.

I plan to be assumed into heaven bodily, like the Blessed Mother. If that fails, I hope to freeze to death while crossing Antarctica on dog-sled. Moments before my passing, I will radio someone to come and fetch my corpse. They will be instructed to dispose of my body in the Atlantic Ocean, but not before salvaging my brain. They will then be instructed to gift my brain to their choice of medical research facility. The researchers will then perform a grind-and-bind procedure on my brain, effectively grinding my brain into a paste and depositing equal amounts of the matter into test-tubes, where they will then pour radio-labelled ligand (perhaps serotonin? maybe dopamine?) in increasing concentrations into each successive tube. They will then study the binding properties of the ligand on my neurotransmitter receptor cells. Then someone will win the Nobel Prize and it will all be because of me.

i've always wanted to walk off the earth with god. like enoch.

Yeah Nate, but you still owe Me a bottle of Sauza & half an o.z. from last month & I ain't walkin' nowhere near you 'til yr ass pays up. And watch how you spell my name, boy!

I've always said, I'll keel over in the unit, and the crew can just backfill over me. eeriely similar to R. C.'s prediction. Actually, i probably will meet Oblivion five minutes after beng proposed to by a brilliant, adorable woman. I will walk out of the bookstore in a euphoric daze and be run over by the "Buchanan in '08" campaign bus. My body will lodge in the steering mechanism, causing the bus to roll and fling Buchanan into a nearby leather dyke bar, where he will be viciously mauled by members of Sleater-Kinney and Melissa Etheridge's teenage daughter. My corpse will be dug up two weeks later and re-animated by Busta Rhymes, who will become a voudun priest. My body will star in a number of videos and be set on fire during performances, before embarking on a solo career. My body will refuse every request for an interview by Dick Clark. Everyone else who hasn't paid up to "Bob", will end up as cosmic fodder for the space gods. meanwhile, I will be resurrected as a Florida Swamp Ape, and leave behind a trail of awful smells and ashen-faced golfers before being Ruptured on X-day.

Between my impatience and the way other people drive wherever I've lived, I've always been certain it will be a traffic accident. How prosaic, after all the lifethreatening hellholes I've been in. I always was an underachiever. You're all invited to make a big soiree out of the funeral, just tell my parents you're "old college friends".

I will not meet Oblivion. Fuck Oblivion.

Ya?

i would never want to live forever in a virtual world. when i die, or just before, i want to be flung towards one of the closer black hole/singularities they've been finding lately and then promptly forgotten. i'll probably have to settle for ther latter. you never know where corpse-flinger technology will be 20 to 40 years from now. one can hope. . .

That article was interesting...

I want to jump off a building. I'm not suicidel, I just think it would be interesting to jump off a very very tall building and leave a cryptic note behind so everyone I know would wonder "was it because of me...?". that's sort of cruel, though. I would also like to die saving someone I love who took me for granted. Jumping in front of a bullet, maybe. my last words would be something sweet and selfless that would cause them to become consumed by guilt over never having treated me the way I deserve to be treated. That is also cruel. In spite of my cruelty, I think I'd make a swell angel.

I don,t want to die anytime soon,I think I posted about our last trip to Mexico,with the meds and the booze,it would have been really tacky if we had O.D.in a border hotel,what would our kids think?I think I,ve mentioned that I,m going to Costa Rica on March 17 and will be gone for 10 nights,if I don,t post here a few days after the 28th call the cops,tell them there has been foul play,please.I have a few close friends who will do this for me,but the more the merrier.Boating accident,I don,t think so,she choked on her own vomit in her sleep after taking her meds,question that, I,ve lived this long.Unless anyone sees me actually killing myself on CNN,maybe flipping out and throwing myself from a high place or plunging knives in me or something like that,question that.Thanks,J

anything for you, dear.

LOL! at the idea that Sem's corpse will be "reanimated by Busta Rhymes" Wyclef Jean is a much more likely suspect. Mais, Touche! (inset accent grave/becuz I dunno how todothat). Yr demise for yrself was much better than mine. Plus it gives you a 2nd chance at living. Now.. if I can only start a new thread to get my own delimma resolved...

Juan the pool boy.

I tried to call you back Czarina,I was on the phone to Brucifer,I flashed over to you,but you were gone.Yes I must live for the pool boy/gardener/designated driver.I hooked up to that phone stuff,so it,s all good now.

i will probably be murdered.

I think I'd want to be in Las Vegas, smoking a little hash. Caught by the government on grounds of an act of terrorism, or something weird and conspiratal. Become tied up to a chair in a small room with one light above me with the Inquisition. Refuse to speak about my cooperation with an underground party, and get shot. Feel the cold hand of death. Wake up in a different eigenstate, and proceed with my plans.

I'm thinking you know what you need to do, you're just not doing it.

Wait a minute, this is the wrong fucking board!! NOOO!!!

I was reading in the Chron. today that people with chemical depression have less chance of heart diases. Nto sure what's up with that. Gee--I used to _long_ for that to happen.

what is chemical depression?

Someone who has it or is/works for a doc knows more than I do. It's a chemical imbalance in the brain which means that the normal chemicals are out of whack... Supplement? Anyone?

Serotonin and norepinephrine are the two neurotransmitters that are thought to have a hand in causing depression when the brain does not produce enough of them. Or produce enough of one. Prozac is involved with serotonin re-uptake, and the tricyclic antidepressants like Elavil work on norepinephrine.

My death will be a presumed drowning, no corpse actually recovered, just an unconfirmed blip on the depth-finder at 240 feet.

one day I will walk out of the apartment at 6600 Gulf Drive, past the pool and hottub with the wires over them to keep shorebirds out, down the brickpavers, past the lizards and the hiacynths, to the white sand in front of the Beach Bistro where the beautiful people tell eachother lies over Beefeater's or Rothschild red swirled not tipped, and in the light of the waning sunset, simply walk into the Gulf of Mexico as the sky turns pastel and then dark

In my best suit and tie, I'll walk right up to him, take his hand, look him in the eye, and say, "Damn glad to meet you, Oblivion. What's been keeping you?"

I have no idea what the nature of my death will be, but I know it'll happen some time in April 2017.

Antigone..always the mysterious one,are you a psychic?I just hope when I die,it,s fast,and I don,t suffer,unfortunately,we don,t have a say in it.

Naw, his birth certificate has an expiration date.

Antigone, did http://www.thespark.com/deathtest/ tell you that? I'm going to die on June 3, 2056.

holy crisco, that's funny. I will die on August 8, 2048, probably from cancer, although there is a 5% chance of alien abduction, so I'm keeping my fingers crossed. I took the wealth test, and I should make my first million by 2017 (of course, the test didn't ask if I was an archaeologist, in which case I would never make a million dollars). I only scored a 29% on the Ass test. I liked my results on the un-telligence test: "Here is the custom report of your personality that led our team of geeks to conclude (with confidence) that you are resourceful, sly, and guaranteed to get away with everything: "The subject shows an astounding level of intelligence, and his sense of observation is one of his best qualities. Considering this, he shows a lot of potential, but that's only part of the equation. "Also, as much as we hate violence, an occasional mauling is one way to solve day-to-day problems like unpleasant coworkers or pesky door-to-door salesmen; he just isn't tough enough, sir, and he avoids any solution that involves violence. "Finally, the subject displayed a healthy (better than most net freaks anyway) sense of humor, a fair and productive sense of morality, and a barbaric self-confidence. The balance of these three traits is important; high levels of confidence, medium levels of morality, and a good level of humor make for the strongest individuals." Final Score: 76% Un-telligent"

Homicide (17%) Alcoholism (12%) Cancer (9%) Alien Abduction (6%) Third Degree Burns (5%) Suicide (5%) I will die on April 18, 2056.

i liked the question asking if you listened to Korn. I may go back and give all the same answers, except answer yes to that one and see what effect it has.

Ha! I got a 74% on the ass test. And the Un-telligence report said this about me: The subject shows a very high level of intelligence, and her sense of observation is one of her best qualities. Considering this, she shows a lot of potential, but that's only part of the equation. "In addition, the subject exhibits brave tendencies, and that does a lot for her score. "But what concerns us most about her is her sinister and violent attitude. While we almost find it amusing that the subject would rather kill something than suffer a minor inconvenience, it effectively destroys her ability to survive tight situations. Our study suggests there is a 41% chance that she will end up in prison! "Finally, the subject displayed a great (and somewhat perverted!) sense of humor, a down and dirty sense of morality, and a hot shot self-confidence. The balance of these three traits is important; high levels of confidence, medium levels of morality, and a good level of humor make for the strongest individuals." Final Score: 73% Un-telligent How did you answer the "being hunted by a bear named Zeus" question, Sem? I had to think about that for a while.

I've just known, J. Dunno why. It came to me one day when I was 15. I don't know if it's true or not, but it's been a useful mental construct/belief/what have you. It makes death much more real when there's a date assigned. It helps me be aware of life. But if April 2017 comes and goes and I'm still breathing, I won't complain...

Easy, I paid a lot more attention to the fact it was january in alaska. If you manage to slip the bear, you're going to freeze to death w/o a way to make fire. Plus, you could use a torch to maybe make the bear think twice about you. I didn't see how any of the others would help, not even the communications device, as you could easily freeze to death while waiting for the plane, and that's assuming you're somewhere they can land...Personally, i think you're completly fucked without heavy weaponry if a grizzly really decides you're lunch. So, I took the death test again, and said I listend to Korn often. This only shaved a year off my life, and interestingly, reduced my chances ofdying with cancer by 10, and eliminated the alcoholism chance and drowning chance altoghether. it increased my chance of having a heart attack or being abducted by aliens, but decreased my chances of being in a horrible accident. Interestingly, I would be at risk of homicide and auto-fellatio as well.

November 4, 2023 at the age of 56 years old. On that date you will most likely die from: Cancer (25%) Heart Attack (17%) Electrolysis (12%) Homicide (8%) Horrible Accident (5%) that's the best news i've heard in a long time.

"Naw, his birth certificate has an expiration date." LOL! Sem -- damn, man! How come I never come up w/shit like that? You got any older brothers & are they funny as you? Now/lemme go take this test...

It says I will die on: September 3, 2022 at the age of 61 years old. On that date/I will most likely die from: Cancer (25%) Alcoholism (8%) (But nobody "dies' of alcoholism. It's cirrhosis that kills them. Or the car crash.) Horrible Accident (16%) Alien Abduction (7%) Suicide (6%) And if you're adbucted by aliens/how will anyone know if you died or not? Now, if I was abducted by Mulder/I might fuck him to death!

Oh, the horror! I just had the skeeziest thought/in light of all this death & immortality talk. What if Donald Trump has himself cloned/so he can live forever & continue to annoy us all w/his gargantuan ego? What if he's already done it & the embryo is frozen in a test tube somewhere/waiting for him to get married again so he'll have someone to deliver & raise his Mini Me? Now I'll never be able to sleep tonite!

_______'s got a 12% chance of death by electrolysis. "Brothers and sisters, we are gathered here today to remember our friend Dave, who passed away in a freak back hair removal accident...."

I felt paranoid to take the death test, but I did it anyway, and I'm going to die in 2040. I got 47% for cancer. man.

You live rough , Gee. Cheer yourself up and take the ass test, or the untelligence one. R.C. - I have to fess up and say i stole that line from Steven Wright.

Well,if you must steal from someone/Steven Wright is the man. (And if you ever use that line on a date/don't go confessing the credits when she laughs!) I'm comedically-challenged or something/becuz almost none of the comedians working today make me laugh. I can count on 1 hand the comedians I've found to be really funny over my lifetime: Pryor/Lenny Bruce (on records)/Dennis Miller/Cosby/Wright. And Jim Carey. (But I've never seen him do straight stand-up/except for video clips.) SW is so cerebral... & surreal the same time. Never ha-ha-guffah funny. But really fucking funny. Esp. when you're buzzed. He shd have Seinfeld's success. I never see Wright anywhere anymore.

just took the death test. at the very moment i learned that i'm going to croak at age 73, the computer crashed. i did manage to see that i'm most likely to die of cancer. suicide was the #2 potential cause, which made me laugh. alien abduction as #3...well, that's more plausible. i do hope i live to be an old lady. i definitely want to achieve old bathood. i'll be one of those crotchety, abrasive, ancient, toothless old bitches who whacks strangers w/ her purse, speaks only in gibberish, & wears bizarre clothing. i'll also commit public acts of homicide to get my senior citizen discount. i always thought it'd be kinda cool to be old & still con young boys into screwing me. on my 70th birthday, i'd like to take somebody's virginity. i used to say i'd do that on my 100th birthday, but now i've taken the goddamn death test & know i'll only get to live into my 70s. i'd like to die either in bed or at the beach, surrounded by the people & things i love, w/ a head full of hallucinogens & some righteous music playing. if somebody can give me a decent orgasm before i die, that'd be swell, too. i want the people hanging around my deathbed to cut me plenty of slack because i'm dying & indulge my every insane whim. after i croak, i want some kind of outrageous memorial built to me (like, say, the fucking taj mahal). my husband has already told me the epitath he wants on his tombstone: "WISH YOU WERE HERE." i'm probably having it put on mine, too.

April 12, 2055 at the age of 84 years old. (that's too damn old) On that date you will most likely die from: Cancer (23%) Alien Abduction (14%) Homicide (9%) Drowning (7%) Auto-Erotic Asphyxiation (6%) Third Degree Burns (5%) lcoholism (5%) i definitely thought homicide would be higher on the list. also, cancer will be cured long before i turn 84, so that wipes out the first option. alrighty then. that's better.

I get to live to be 74. as I left my friends' house last night, the lady gave me a week's worth of prozac. I said thanks but no. today I am going to climb a hill in the sunshine and get a few rolls of film developed. tomorrow I think I am going to get a visa card and plan to charge two big things I've wanted to do for a long time. I know this sounds like a mistake, but it is not.

A week's worth of Prozac won't do anything. It takes around 2 weeks for the effects to kick in.

i'd like to point out that so far nobody else had auto-erotic asphyxiation on their death list. though nate probably would.

That wd be on Swine's list. Note that he has been conspicuously absent of late...

I was waiting for someone to comment on that...

Yeah, he hasn't been too forthcoming with what he's up to before he slipped below the surface, either. I would like to point out that death by auto-fellatio(on my list) is probably more embarassing then auto-erotic asphyxiation. Does anyone know if that even works on women?

i talked to him last night. he's doing just fine.

on my sister's birthday, in 2042, at age 74. it looks like cancer for me.

hey there kelsey. you look mighty nice in those tight jeans. uhh... what were you saying again?

shit. i'm gonna die when i'm 70. i was hoping for 45. cancer was number one for me, too. auto-erotic asphyxiation was number four. i obviously need to start jerking off with the leather belt more.

where can I find the ass test or the unintelligence test?

Go to "home" at the bottom of the first page. All the other tests are at the bottom of the home page.

I'm 27% bitch, btw.

Hey! Me too! I would guess autofellatio is possible on women--autocunnigulus, perhaps? But she'd have to be really flexible.

Anyone would have to be really flexible. Hi, swine.

i don't wear tight jeans. you must be referring to my sister. she like da hot pants.

Did you see question 47 on the bitch test?? man. that's just not nice. bitchtest - 24% lovetest - 65% asstest - 62% wealthtest - I'll be worth a million when I'm 40. sex test - I'll have sex with 19 people (total). 14 of them will be girls. unintelligence - 67% (is that 67% stupid?) purity - 73%

Here is another charming little quiz.

And what happened to Fetidbeaver?

I'll be worth a million when I'm 40 too...wierd.

Should I Be Living In Philadelphia? 12 points. these kinds of quiz's I like. Why can't they give quizs like this at my school??

That's a no, then, I gather. I'm at 28 points. The Franklin Institute (with the human heart and a neat-o planetarium) kicks ass.

12 points is maybe. I went to sleep before midnight last night! Sorry - I went to BED before midnight last night. I think I deserve a round of applause.

I,m croaking on Sept.7 2022,I,ll die of cancer31%,alcholism18%,heart atack 7%,overdose5%.I see I am 56% bitch,that almost scared me.

I,m croaking on Sept.7 2022,I,ll die of cancer31%,alcholism18%,heart atack 7%,overdose5%.I see I am 56% bitch,that almost scared me.

tantric sex is for the birds, you won't catch me doing any of that silly crap, i will go this way, my wife will die of a sudden anurism (spell?), tragically, tell tale story, she went peacefuly and painlessly, I will be so distraught, I plunge into a downward spiral, quiting my job, drinking every waking hour, taking pills and otherwise letting go with life, self pity, regret and pain will consume me......eventually leading me to OD on muscle relaxers and cheap whisky, dead in my living room, naked, cock in hand, cats at awe and hungry, the house will not stink, no, it will smell of her...........and me, of us, it will smell like our room after sex, thats it, after sex, that smell that seeps from your pores when you fuck like mad, not a one shot deal at a party, I am talking about FUCKING, the kinda of fucking that reeps beautiful children such as dave and agatha's offspring ......they will never wonder about me, or how I died, it will be a given, people will not be surprised, they will never ask why...i was a self loathing bastard in love, they will find my camera, they will process the remaining 112 rolls of film, in a steel box with processing instructions. they will see documentation of my destruction, it will be revered as one of the most intimate and personal photo essays of all time, depicitng a man heart broken to the point of disbelief, it will be featured at MOMA, LACMA, The Getty, The Pompideu and at other fine museums world wide....THIS is how I will go, and they will take the proceeds from the estate sale and the photographs and launch both me and my wife in a capsule out to Nova quadrant............

i think reeping children is despictable.

I can't figure out how the hell we got the tape to play backwards and then record on to a different tape back in '96. I don't even remember this stuff, but I am sure we were high as ben franklin's key.

I took that new quiz Rhiannon posted. So, when did Philadelphia start thinking it was Detroit? It didn't even mention ECW. If it did, i might begrudge them the attitude.

Dude, we gots attitude out the wazoo. 4th highest murder rate in the nation, too. Though I must say I hardly ever go into the city, except to see a movie (at two theatres, blocks from each other, right on Penn's Landing) or to go to a show (also in the same neighborhood and nearby South St.) I admit I'm a poseur. (But I was born in the city...that's something, right?) So, ummm, will I lose what pittance of street cred I have for asking what ECW is?

Never admit in Philly you don't know what ECW is. Extreme Championship Wrestling - no disqualification, and it's alright to use stapleguns against your opponent. Still, when yuor city's nickname is the "City of Brotherly Love" it can be hard to establish a reputation for being tough. It would help if your inner core looked like it had been bombed out as well. But you can show me all the cool things in Philly when i come out in April, right? i would offer to reciprocate, but there's very little that's cool about Wisconsin. Except for the Onion.

Ohhhhhhhhh. Wrestling. Right. Our motto is now "Philadelphia, the city that loves you back." No joke. You'll see it in the airport. What cool things? Don't look to the Sixth Sense for a good picture of Philly: those were all the nice parts. It's ugly and frightening up in the north side. A friend of mine from high school went to Temple U., and I haven't heard from her since, and I'm sure it's not a coincidence. I'm hoping my beloved Firewater will be up and touring around that time...you'd have fun at one of their shows, I'm guessing, and I know *I* would have fun... Other than that, there is the Mutter Museum (weird medical equipment and specimens and freaky things like that...I've always wanted to go), and the above-mentioned Franklin Institute, which is just cool. There's South St. but that stopped being a good place to hang out in high school (sorta like the PA equivalent of Haight-Ashbury, but not as...intense). Though it's a good place to watch people. Ummmmmm....I don't know what else. I'll have to do some research.

Fatal heart attack on the crapper after having played raquetball, downing a fistful of ludes and a couple of fried peanut butter and banana sandwiches. Wait, that's been done. Fuck

Glad to see you are still alive H,don,t be such a stranger:)

Hey!Where'd ya get the ludes?Thats how J and I first discovered that we could wrap our legs around our necks.

The Mutter Museum?!! That's in Philly? We have to go. I've wanted to go there ever since I learned of its existence. There's hardly any paper sessions I want to see at the conference anyway, bucnh of prehistoric guys going on about stone tools and all the stuff they make up about them - wait did i say that last part aloud?

Did anyone do the Ass quiz? 17%, only saw part of the ass. You can expect to die on: March 12, 2050 at the age of 74 years old. On that date you will most likely die from: Cancer (33%) Alcoholism (19%) Third Degree Burns (9%) Alien Abduction (8%) Suicide (5%) Auto-Erotic Asphyxiation (5%) Heart Attack (5%)

You're on. I've never been there, either, but have always wanted to go. We could see the Morton skull collection, too, if you're interested, as described in my beloved "Mismeasure of Man." I have a friend who helped the curator (the gracious Janet Monge) organize it...she said some of the skulls still had cartilage and vertebrae attached. I want to see that. (I am a ghoul. You have to understand that if you're going to spend any time in my company.)

Finally did the Death Test I'm gone on March 25, 2015. Cancer (31%) Heart Attack (23%) Drowning (9%) Alien Adduction (8%) Auto fellatio (5%) I figure if I lose 30 pounds, stop smoking and drinking coffee I will probably die at a later date doing something I will enjoy :0)

Nothing kinky on mine. June 14, 2031 at the age of 57 years old. On that date you will most likely die from: Heart Attack (20%) Cancer (20%) Homicide (11%) Drowning (7%) Electrolysis (7%) Alien Abduction (5%) Alcoholism (5%)

they said 'bad news'... you'll die at 88 maybe it's bad news because i never wanted to live that long.

"Mismeasure of Man" is a pip, but I'm totally partial to wonderful life, probably because noone ever made me read wonderful life but I was forced to read Mismeasure of Man for a class my freshman year. This would be a good time to post the lyrics to the song I wrote about Stephen J. which my band Hissy used to perform with fantabulous enthusiasm: Love Song for Stephen J. Gould Fighting the good fight in his own geeky way a method to his madness (it's a wonderful life) Doesn't wear a gun or some stinking badge got time on his hands (it's a wonderful life) I've taken the measure of this man I know that you'll understand I've taken the measure of this man Stephen J. Gould, Natural Historian Thank you. Thank you very much.

alien adduction, mapleleaf? you'll die in an argument with a being from another planet? jeezus, some lifeforms are just quick-tempered.

Rhiannon: This trip to Philly gets better sounding every minute. As far as "ghoulishness", when I volunteered for the surface survey at the disturbed unmarked cemetary last spring (read: bone collecting), i was the only one enthusiastic about it, spotted the most bones, and was the only one willing to excavate the long bone that was sticking up out of the ground, with the bit of cloth still attached. As far as the ass test went, I got a 29%.

Oh, wow. I bow down to thee, O Dread Lord of Ghouls. Did you wear gloves? And Margret, I say yet again, you are so cool.

ass test: 77%

i'll be a millionaire by 34. i think they're wrong though.

I,d like to see Maple Leaf mad,not at me,just mad. That would be kind of funny.

no i didn't wear gloves. These bones were at least 120 years old. "Dread Lord of Ghouls" - what are you trying to do, make me go and pull out my Bauhaus albums and listen to them in the dark?

Now, why would I want to do a thing like that? *whistling*

To combat the temptation, I went and watched the Duckman marathon. My favorite line went something like this (in response to the idea of giving Duckman an unlimited supply of an aphrodisiac): "That'd be like giving a barrel of peanut oil and a cub scout troop to Michael Jackson." I literally fell off the couch.

I found the Mutter Museum's webpage "The Museum's collections include over 20,000 objects, including fluid-preserved anatomical and pathological specimens, medical instruments, anatomical and pathological models, items of memorabilia of famous scientists and physicians, and medical illustrations. Come visit us today!" Oh, boy! Oh, wait. Note that it closes at 4 pm every day. This may be a problem for me...what about you?

On the other hand, they currently have a special exhibit on conjoined twins (the famous Chang and Eng had a total of 29 children?!). That's worth skipping school for any day.

Not a problem for me. I don't have to actually be at any particular session until the last day of the conference. To tell the truth, I am more looking forward to hanging with you than I am to the conference. This one always tends to be really light on anything relating to histroical archeology. I may be scouting around for the next job there, though. I'm going to go look at that webpage.

Far Fucking Out!!!!!

Please keep in mind that in person I am very shy and completely and utterly socially inept and will most likely insult you a dozen times without realizing it. Just so you know. Like on Thursday. I was talking to the woman who supervises me at work and she asked me if I planned to work for her in the summer. I told her, "No, I need a real job." It took me about 20 minutes to realize that wasn't a nice thing to say. But then I didn't know if I should apologize: what if she wasn't insulted by it in the first place? What if she was but had forgotten about it already, and my apology would just bring it up and make her feel bad again? So I didn't say anything. I still feel kind of bad about it.

Don,t mind me,I just want to add that I scored 77% on the ass test before I forget,and I saw the guys cute butt.I also scored the same as Nate,does that mean our butts are the same? MY butt is Not hairy.

not anymore, eh J? teeheehee!

Don't give it a mind Rhiannon, I'm not the most socially gifted person either. I'm willing to look over a lot to talk with someone who has a keen mind.

Duckman? How do you get that? I saw one episode (twice) years ago and was up in the middle of the night in order to do that. It was the one with the warring neighborhood civic associations, and I thought it was brilliant and funny as all hell. I've been trying to see more to see if the series holds up, but haven't been able to find it again.

Comedy Central had a marathon Friday nite. They said they're adding it to their sunday night animation block.

Keen mind? I'm sure there are plenty of people around here who'd question that. Plus, any alledged keenness you may detect is due to the fact that I have ample time to reflect upon and edit my words here. Most unfortunately, I do not have that option in real life, and I usually rely on the psychic links I share with my associates to fill in the stuttered pauses between all my words. Your assignment: spend the meantime boning up on your ESP. That said, I tried watching Duckman twice and didn't like it all that much. I do love the Tick, though. Is that going to be on on Sundays?

I miss The Tick. I really really do. I have like 8 tapes of christmas cartoons and this year Tape Six got caught in the VCR and ripped apart. That's the one with the Tick's christmas cartoon where the Tick thinks he killed Santa. I almost cried when the thing broke.

Never seen the Duckman, but anybody ever see Upright Citizens' Brigrade on Comedy Central? Brilliant is all I can say. I stand in awe after every episode. Comedy Central, Mondays at 10:30 pm EST. New episode tonight.

is "the avengers" regularly scheduled on some cable channel? I go to my parents' house once a week, and that's the only thing I ever feel like watching.

Spoooooon!

spider: step 1 in becoming less social inept: don't apologize for yourself before someone meets you. in fact, you are the shit and you know it. if you ever let on to anyone that this is anything but the truth, you suck. now don't suck. be good.

Okay.

Love the Emma Peel imitation. What a nice 'flat' she had (with two levels)

I like The Upright Citizens Brigade and Strangers with Candy,I,m kicking myself for getting wasted and missing Malcome in the Middle yesterday.

i made the sorry mistake of loaning my four vhs tapes filled with saturday morning episodes of The Tick to my old housemate, who now lives in Boulder, Colorado. he said he was going to bring them back when he came to visit in december, but he conveniently "forgot" them. bah. i feel funky, monkey.

I once helped my friend Shawn move in his new housemate, Jess. She had like 10 tapes of nothing but the Tick. A few months later, they got married. Coincidence?

hehe...remember when they all went to that superhero club and there was another Tick? and Arthur had to go the sidekick's club? man. I sure do wish I were allowed to LOL.

Oh,come on Gee break out, bust a gut.

Ha^1

Yay!

.

I assume this is the relivant part: ha^1- Not exceptionally funny, but i have the feeling that you intended for it to be ha^2- Still just being polite ha^3- That got a chuckle ha^4- This is mildly amusing ha^5- Funny enough to laugh at but still not an out loud laugh ha^6- Laughing out loud. This could be replaced with an LOL. It would be proper. ha^8- Side splitting funny. ha^10- Give me time to roll around on the ground and then a couple more minutes for recovery ha^42- I'm wetting myself!

the world will end in 28 days

Hasn't it already? Damn. Missed it again. Besides, 28 Days was an okay movie and was it? though a fantasy or an accurate portrayal? I would like to add to the above description of my timely demise (posted Feb 27 2000) that now two years later (and presumed dead you moron) I really died when someone on these boards took me seriously. That's always the kicker ain't it? When somebody's fantasy gets taken as the whole truth. Life isn't worth living after that, unless you're a goat.

hmmm... i'd forgotten the death test. December 21, 2053, at the age of 71 years old. On that date you will most likely die from: Cancer (29%) Alien Abduction (16%) Homicide (10%) Alcoholism (10%) Heart Attack (8%) Third Degree Burns (5%) Horrible Accident (5%)

August 17, 2043 at the age of 61 years old. On that date I will most likely die from: Cancer (29%) Heart Attack (14%) Electrolysis (10%) Alien Abduction (9%) Alcoholism (6%) Homicide (5%) In reality, it will be next year, and it will most likely involve being hit by a hot air balloon.

March 7, 2043 at the age of 66 On that date I will most likely die from: Cancer 34% Electrolysis 13% Drowning 11% Heart Attack 6%

How about the other 36 percent? killer bees,falling into a vat of peanuts,eaten by wild hogs?

Ok, I'll try this again. Thank goodness i"ve strated to take better care of myself. July 30, 2012 age 57 Cancer 30% Heart Attack 19% Alien Abduction 11% Drowning 9% Horrible Accident 5% Alcoholism 5% Auto-Fellatio 5% To bad they don't take into account the average age of your relatives that have died. Most of mine lived into their 80's at least.

Hey, I'm going to die sooner than I thought (as indicated from the last time I took the test, anyway). June 16, 2055 at the age of 77 years old. On that date you will most likely die from: Homicide (23%) Cancer (12%) Drowning (10%) Third Degree Burns (8%) Contagious Disease (7%) Alien Abduction (5%) Public Execution In a Third World Country (5%)

Update: May 2, 2049 at the age of 76 years old. On that date you will most likely die from: Cancer (35%) Heart Attack (19%) Alcoholism (7%) Alien Abduction (5%) Horrible Accident (5%) Contagious Disease (5%) Auto-Fellatio (5%) Getting a little healthier I see....

August 27, 2044 at the age of 69 years old. On that date you will most likely die from: Cancer (43%) Heart Attack (11%) Alien Abduction (7%) Contagious Disease (6%) Homicide (5%)

December 25, 2065 at the age of 85 years old. On that date you will most likely die from: Cancer (35%) Heart Attack (24%) Auto-Fellatio (6%)

September 4, 2039 at the age of 65 years old. On that date you will most likely die from: Cancer (30%) Electrolysis (11%) Drowning (9%) Alien Abduction (7%) Alcoholism (7%) Horrible Accident (6%) Heart Attack (5%)

So it comes as no surprise to me that i die at 69 from lung cancer,i do 100 gigs a day,not to mention about 1 liter of hard booze most nights,so now i need to go out and celibrate my longher than expected life span,ha,ha,ha.

...And how come cancer is so high on the agenda?i want to fall into a vat of peanuts.

...or chocolate

...or single malt Scottish Whiskey

...or tobacco

...or nekid girl scouts

...or money

...or salami

...or hot salt beef with latkas

...or currie with nan bread

...or Chinese take away with water chestnuts,bamboo shoots and egg fried rice (just a bit crispy)

...or T Bone steak with garlic mushrooms and all the trimmings plus a real big salad with red and green peppers and iceberg lettuce with spring onions

nekid girl scouts? they're little kids, vv

it seems that little kids appeal to vv in a manner roughly equivalent to the manner by which he finds the following consumables appealing: a. money, b. food, c. alcohol, or d. tobacco. personally, i think that's creepy and disgusting.

according to the spark death test, i'm living into my mid-90s. this contradicts v.v.'s recent diagnosis of my "inner cortex," which predicted my death within a year. how can such a dichotomy be explained?

Well, obviously the Spark test is fake. We all know veevee could never be wrong.

rats! then i have some loose ends to tie up. i'll start by remaking my will and leaving everything to moonit.

As long as you leave me three thousand peanut butter cups, I'll be happy.

Did i say girl scouts?i ment cheer leaders!...so tell me guys,how do YOU want to die?Gimmi,Gimmi,Gimmi.

Jack,now dont go all anal retentive on me,i want CONSTRUCTIVE CRITICISM,what consumables do YOU find appealing?What do you want to find in YOUR vat?...somthing to be smothered to death in that you love more than enything else in life.

constructive criticism: you're misusing the term "anal retentive" and probably the term "constructive criticism" as well. it seems that you really want a chatroom, not constructive criticism.

BULLSHIT,JACK,...STOP FUCKING ME AROUND AND GET BACK TO ME.

I've said it before and I'll say it again. I am not going to die. I'm just going to fall apart gracelessly. PS I've just left moonit 3000 peanut butter cups in my will. She will just have to come here to collect.

Watcher,right on.

Jack,your still a prick.

...Just know you will die a long slow death from aids.

...I think I will die in 5 years,but I,ve been saying that from the age of 20,right now,my blood pressure is lower than any of you, "2 pills a day keeps the coffin away"... "AMLOVASC" and "ATENOLOL" ..."Im lovin it"...like Mc.Donalds say.

whoever posted April 2-2004, Auto_fellatio? WTF is that?

Getting a blowjob while riding in a car. Ever hear of Garp?

Uhmm, Dougie, no.

That's because you've spent too much time railing against RTC Industries and Iqbal Khan and not enough time reading the world's great literature. "The World According to Garp" by John Irving. Buy it, read it, and submit a 5000 word book report on it by next week. Go on, scoot.

Mrs. Krapnholeusnfjelkcjd;dfkdlgrllfkbmfhjqwpdjgmrlspfkgkgfdlfsp[[ijnfdslmerkvjw;gpodvmwpeopgmerg,sdfg,mgremgdkmgdkgmeokmgoewmw[dfg,m[dfkgemd;lfg,oytmklijdkmwer[rtyh,kdhgkp[ortrokbfoty,lty=pogfdoktr[kkokl[gfldlfygkhogf,bgf]dlf,hfgfhl[dfgh,lft,d[pgfh,d[plfgh,[fgh,oqwdfkfg'd[fphg,]l]dtyym[dfgk[]dfg,[]pof,goerdw]kogd[okdwg,[]fd[kl[pokgrofglaslwlgm[ff,hgldf[odg,=eriytk[sddfgkdfhko]asrepf]fglgw]lp]fp]rplp[][gphlrtkopdserlk]dfylp]phl]p[lls[reylp]sero]porkfkoyl]dfyl]hlytrp[tyylyoooiykopfoyk]stk][yk=rytoglp]ghlrtl[ohlp]pylrtkotrylp]ttokyk[tlk]tpylopiyke]otyp=t0oylogkhjklp[ghk[poghkth]ogkhgp[htkogirkofyoyop[r[ptohltr0trkerp[rtp]ghlty][iyk[gfoy]rhrltlyr]ttyutrprtyl;]\tylyyo,=eriytk[sddfgkdfhko]asrepftotototo-yl5=d[plfgh,[fgh,oqwdfkfg'd[fphg,]l]dtyym[dfgk[]dfg,[]pof,goerdw]kogd[okdwg,[]fd[kl[pokgrofglaslwlgm[ff,hgldf[odg,=eriytk[sddfgkdfhko]asrepf]fglgw]lp]fp]rplp[][gphlrtkopdserlk]dfylp]phl]p[lls[reylp]sero]porkfkoyl]dfyl]hlytrp[tyylyoooiykopfoyk]stk][yk=rytoglp]ghlrtl[ohlp]pylrtkotrylp]ttokyk[tlk]tpylopiyke]otyp=t0oylogkhjklp[ghk[poghkth]ogkhgp[htkogirkofyoyop[r[ptohltr0trkerp[rtpfp]rplp[][gphlrtkopdserlk]dfylp]phl]p[lls[reylp]sero]porkfkoyl]dfyl]hlytrp[tyylyoooiykopfoyk]stk][]rplp[][gphlrtkopdserlk]dfylp]phl]p[lls[reylp]sero]porkfkoyl]dfyl]hlytrp[tyylyoooiykopfoykff,hgldf[odg,=eriytk[sddfgkdfhko]asrepf]fglgw]lp]fp]rplp[][gphlrtkopdserlk]dfylp]phl]p[lls[reylp]sero]porkfkoyl]dfyl]hlytrp[tyylyoooiykopfoyk]stk][yk=rytoglp]ghlrtl[ohlp]pylrtkotrylp]ttokyk[tlk]tpylopiyke]otyp=t0oylogkhjklp[ghk[poghkth]ogkhgp[htkogirkofyoyop[r[ptohltr0trkerp[rtpfp]rplp[][gphlrtkopdserlk]dfylp]phl]p[lls[reylp]sero]porkfkoyl]dfyl]hlytrp[tyylyoooiykopfoyk]stk][]eriytk[sddfgkdfhko]asrepf]fglgw]lp]fp]rplp[][gphlrtkopdserlk]dfylp]phl]p[llsodg,=eriytk[sddfgkdfhko]asrepf]fglgw]lp]fp]rplp[][gphlrtkopdserlk]dfylp]phl]p[lls[reylp]sero]porkfkoyl]dfyl]hlytrp[tyylyoooiykopfoyk]stk][yk=rytoglp]ghlrtl[ohlp]pylrtkotrylp]ttokyk[tlk]tpylopiyke]otyp=t0oylogkhjklp[ghk[poghkth]ogkhgp[htkogirkofyoyop[r[ptohltr0trkerp

D,that cool,y,know myself I dont speak much Swedish,just "tric fur gruent"...thats "press for light"...you see it on ped controlled road crossings,and "infart,utfart"...that "in" and "out" on gas stations....sorry,only been to to Sweden twice allready....as for "smors",you get 20 sorts in Sweden,also with reindeer meat,nice but 20$ for a small bit...and dont foget "glug",its a winter drink that blows your head clean off.

V, I would like to go to sweden with you sometime if you like. :-)

D,sounds dam good to me.D,you know,v dont know if you have a wife or girlfriend,if you do,dont take them to Sweden....tell you what happened to me,was in south Sweden,Gotenborg,and v went out the hotel for cigs,first the girl on reception asks me for a date,then in tobacconists,a girl asks me for a date,and on the way back to the the hotel a girl asks me for a date,in Sweden,if a girl likes you,she will ask for a date on the spot,at the time v had an amazing 19 year old wife back at the hotel,so I had to pass up the offers,now I dont have a wife,so Sweden again perhaps?...also,v is building a web site,on line I hope in 1 or 2 weeks,its for land and property in mainland Greece and perhaps Cyprus.If does well,have a free hol with v in Sweden on v,s tab,when my web site is on line,v will post it to you,just a note:in Sweden,you may end up with too many girlfriends,and more sex than you can handle in one go,tell you, the place is awesome.

Tip:if you go to Sweden,you need dark hair and a sun tan,the girls get sick of blond guys with pale skin.Italians do real well out there.....D,as allways so nice to post to you,keep in touch.

...more stuff about Sweden,just about everyone speaks English,,part from 80 year old grandmas that spent most of there life in a real small town inside the artic circle...more,most of the collage kids ride H.Davidsons to campus.Its a rich place...and zero litter,10 years inside prison for stuff like that.U.S.A. and U.K. need to do the same.Y,know,v spent half an hour looking for litter,found it ,some 2 year old kid throw a sweet wrapper out a push chair.

D,y,know, in all places I visit,I look for bargains,in Sweden,only thing that is cheap is "porno" mags or movies,tenth of the price we would pay in America or Europe,but you and I dont do stuff like that.

Mrs Krabappel is known as Dougie....

Dougie...? This reminded me of a TV sitcom called "Doogie Howser,M.D." Lol

That wasn't me posting. Check the IP.

Jizzmop reveals all.

Antigone, that wasn't me either lol

Sometime this year,you can "jizzmop and i.p." me in Koroni,Greece... this place his millions of cats...towards winter,you can i.p. me in Moscow,near "the kremlin"...only way to stay warm is vodka,large amounts,and wolfskin coats...you know if you have plenty money,Moscow can be real good.

Good thread needs attention. Swedish especially...

today i'm most likely to greet oblivion with open arms due to an incredibly painful ear infection. or 106 degree heat. or death by 2 year old.

today i may greet oblivion due to sheer joy. this blog is one of the most crazy and exciting things i've read ON THE INTERNETS in a long long time. i can't stop reading and re-reading some of things she writes. i love it because she uses a lot of curse words, and she uses words like "sinister" to describe edible things, things that many people consider to be food. i love that she is unimaginably extreme about how she defines food and what she eats, totally unapologetic, fearless, and blunt. i crave bluntness, here in this southern wasteland of polite hypocrisy. when i first stumbled upon her blog after intermittent research on the primal/paleo lifestyle, and read a few blog posts, i had this sensation of tripping on acid, of realization. after experimenting for about a week on a diet of wild caught fish and 100% grass fed ruminant proteins and fats, a few avocados, green herbs, salt, black peppercorn, homemade bone broth, and leafy green veggies cooked in butter from 100% grass fed ruminant milk or raw coconut milk, OH and a serving of fruit on days right after a workout... i feel even moreso like i'm tripping on some sort of drug. in a good way. i don't feel right, but i feel like i may be eating my way closer to overall well-being than ever before. if i die, it won't be disease, it'll be blissfull madness and a belly full of animal fat. i think my sum of my life experiences in relationship to food and movement totally primed me to grok her philosophy, whereas most people today likely consider it (to quote my beloved) "totally unreasonable in the context of most people's american lives". it's so totally absurd. i'm curious as to how long i can last like this. if crazy blunt peggy can do it for six years, i bet i could do it for six months.

raw meat?

and raw seafood! and live squid! i am downright giddy just thinking about her eating live squid.

"We should not fear pathogens. We should simply be stronger than them. I turned my head to fear, then, and followed a new path to health. I consumed raw dairy and a few different fermented raw juices which I made at home. But the most important thing I did to avoid illness from raw meats and seafood was to avoid modern foods, so as to keep my internal terrain undesirable to invaders." omygodohmygod! i am in love.

I had an obsession with raw milk for a long time, it is delicious.

if it is directly from a cow at the farm, yes it is!

My son the cheesemonger is experimenting with raw milk cheeses this week shipped in surreptitiously and illegally from England where such is legal. I love Sarah even more now. Whoa...live squid not.

aww. well, and the thing is, it's not eating of raw meat, seafood, and say, squid, it's not for a show. lots of people do it for the show, or experimentally. she is doing this long term, for health, and she mostly has been eating raw foods and feeding her daughter raw foods in secret. because the vast majority of americans would scorn such behavior. imagine how long it's been since she's *enjoyed* dining in a restaurant with a friend. i mean, that activity is absolutely central to american social life. i remember when i was bodybuilding in hawaii, and i had absolutely no social life around food or drink. if someone wanted to hang out, it would have to be surfing, or hiking, or walking, or swimming. or coming over to my house to play a board game. in my life at that time food did not have any fun value whatsoever. everything i ate for that year was simply fuel, with a distinct purpose. i wasn't terribly happy about it half the time, and i sure did miss food as an activity of enjoyment, but then again, i was very very happy about reaching the goal at that time. oh my. it's so exciting to consider what could happen; what could be fixed, and what cannot.

Sales of raw milk and raw milk products are legal both in stores and on the farm in California.

it's legal to buy raw milks in texas, but it has to be sold directly from farmer to consumer. the closest farm from where i live where one can get raw milk is a 90 minute drive. the next closest is about 110 minute drive. one way. that's too much to pay in gasoline for a gallon of milk. there is an underground raw milk network here in austin, and i'm trying to get in on it. i used to use the phrase "milk drinker" as a derogatory term to describe a type of person. in the last week i've test tasted two half-cup servings of unhomogenized low heat pasteurized jersey cow milk. it wasn't terrible. our sitter lives in the country, about an hour from here. she's bringing me raw goat milk tomorrow. but it's not like legit. i don't even know if it's grass fed but i'm not sure what else one would feed a goat. recently i've ordered grass-fed ruminant and fowl proteins from missouri. it was slightly less expensive per pound (and free shipping!) but not any better tasting than the grass-fed meat i've purchased off the meat truck here in atx. my next bulk meat purchase will be from a local meat share. i missed the last kill they had by just a week or so...

having loving the raw milk, I had to stay away from raw meat, it makes my ***** real hard as solid rock.

Uh, what?

Shit?

Last I checked, shit was a four-letter word.

At this rate, there'll be a time when I misjudge the moment to tell someone that I've realized I'm not in love with them.... ...and accidents happen. But the ones I'm not in love with are all the nice guys. Hrm. But the serial killers that are able to get away with it are all baby-faced, as is this one. Hrm.

lol at la!

And now, I shall keeeeeeeel you.

(gasp) Oh my goodness!

Ok,tomorrow, I gotta to call to find myself another doctor, even thought I have current doctor as my primary. I am starting college next week to take a course. I am glad moonit looking forward to visit the states next year, but I lives near Chicago and wished her and her husband the best of fun!

In North Dakota.

Hi la......

I tried to eat raw meat tonight. It didn't taste like anything really, but that still tasted better than when I freaked out and cooked it. And I haven't gotten sick from the raw eggs I ate a few days ago. Experiment!

I just cancelled my eBay account tonight, got bullshitted by a seller whose I send a payment through PayPal and my money just got stuck somewhere at PayPal, cause the seller's account are "unregistered", and tomorrow, going to call PayPal to find out on how do I get my money back. I like to compare eBay as to AOHell.. Hi Google!

that is so epic. i wish i had the guts to try eating raw ground meat. it's not disease i'm afraid of, it's the texture. ugch. i tried eating a rare ny strip and just couldn't get down more than a few bites. i had to cook it to about medium rare. but apparently that still counts, nutrition-wise! i could eat raw eggs if i wanted to. eggs are one of my favorite foods ever. i don't want to eat them raw because i love so much how they taste cooked. i think at least eating fried eggs over easy may also bestow some of the nutritional value of eating them raw. maybe? don't know. i need to add more veggies back in. this past week too much fat and protein. sitting here trapped at home by napping kids; wish i could run up to the store for some broccoli and red bell pepper. craving. instead i'm just gnawing on romaine leaves because that's all i have at hand.

Now that I've read this lady's crazyass blog, I will admit that I don't eat vegetables very much. If someone else makes them, I like them very much, but I don't usually bother. I used to make salads for a while, but they're such a ginormous pain in the ass. Meat, fat and fruit. Used to include the candy food-group. Raw eggs taste like nothing, the only things I really *like* eating are made of wheatflour and sugar, so if I'm not eating that I might as well drink it out of a glass. I added flaxseed oil to it, it tastes super gross to me. Half a piece of bacon helps with that. *grin*