long ago when kym was stil niave and a more "positive" person she dated this boy that fooled everyone. he was wonderful with all of her friends, everyone agreed he was a stand up guy. he even gave foot massages. he was an artist of sorts, and aries male. as far as wit is concerened he was an admirable adversary. but he had a weakness. unfortunately for me it wasn't kymical. it was pot. i overlooked it, cause i could enjoy the time i spent with him anyway. then one day he met who he describes as a "pot angel" she sold kind bud and cooked. but how ever did i find this out? i was not a jealous girlfriend, i was a curious girlfriend, he was unfortunately easy to figure out. i hacked his email. i don't really like to say hacked, cause all i did was guess the password. one week before he broke up with me he sent an email to one of his friends, boasting about how great i was, naturally i had to read on. i was like the force that lifted the creative block on his life, etc. and i was a slacker. and he had met someone else, and he had to break up with me soon to hook up with her. the pot angel. that was over a year ago. and i was curious, so i tried it one more time. i checked his email. he and that girl are still madly in love. i am indeed a distant memory. all of the commotion in my life and nothing has worked out for me romantically in the year that he and she have been planning their wedding. i am resentful, i admit it. i know that it is kind of i reap what i sow. i guess part of me just wanted there to be more recognition of me. i think that i at least stop once a month to think of all the guys i have had a relationship with. (part of this research i do into why i am so cool, but guys seem to always find someone cooler.) i wonder if he ever stops for a moment and thinks about me. i would hope so, cause i am certain he has tracked down the evil vibes i have been sending him (he is currently on probation. march, gets pulled over. possession. april, car dies. june, he buys a new car. two weeks later, it is totalled. credit ruined) i want to be evil and just erase all of his emails and send him one to him from him that is just his password over and over again. i have a reoccuring thought of breaking his legs. i want to belive i am this obsessed only because at one time i loved him. i actually loved him. i don't like that word very much, but i think it is true. but you play the game....you take the gamble. i wish i could forget the password to his e-mail. or that he would at least be careful enough to change it.

maybe you should just forget about him and the stop looking at his email.

Yea hon,why rub your nose in it?

As painful as it was/is, maybe its better to have found out,than to have been saddled with him for the rest of his "cheating lifestyle" type of existence.Time to move on to someone more deserving of your charms.

mostly cause i really have nothing else to do. i am not really distracted at this point. sort of stagnant. i am pretty certain if i were actively chasing some blone haired kilt wearing boy, i would forget about this evil thorn in my heart. but as we all know (it is painfully obvious) i am not chasing any boys right now. haven't for well over a year. not in that way that makes you feel kind of silly and you know the other person feels it to. with awkward silences, long glances, that sort of infatuation that makes you just a bit more aware of yourself and your surroundings. illicit affairs and what not aside, i haven't really had anything like that boy since. which for me says way too much, i haven't had anything compared to this person who cheated on me, and then went to greener pastures. wasn't even addicted to me, the addiction! i guess i rub my nose in it because partly i wonder what i ever really saw in him, and two how he could continue living without me. i wonder if his temptress girlfriends stops to think for one moment (cause she knew he was involved when they fooled around) that someone suffered for her happiness. but then i think how hypocritical of me. in essense everyone leaves someone for another. just that sometimes the time span between two lovers is so close that only then does it become an issue. i think that possibly i just haven't gotten to the point where i am leaving him and the thoughts of him for another. i personally thing i am overdue for some sort of extraordinary affair.

or not. what is it with women being so delusionally romantic? why make it so fucking difficult? y'know, hallmark started what we know as valentine's day. don't you all feel like chumps? i don't have any backup docs but i bet it's the same with father's day and mother's day. i just want to head-butt somebody. c'mere!

mostly it is because humans are creatures of habit. why do homeless people continue to litter the streets, instead of geting a job or just deciding not to put up with the glares from people in their cars? because they have gotten positive re-enforecement. it becomes a rewarding habit. not really frequently but it has it's days i am sure. i think it is the same with romance. because people have heard of it and sometimes even felt it, and they yearn to recreate those feelings again, or possibly just wait for it and wish for it...etc. as far as valentine's day goes, i have been able to successfully avoid and forget about every little festivity, except valentine's day. i said bah humbug on christmas and went on a road trip. i was ungreatful over thanks giving and forgot to eat that day and slept in. wanted to look for a job or get drunk, but god damn it everything was closed! mother's day and father's day, two holidays i have never been good at remembering. althought i do like to celebrate other people's birthdays. to me that is kind of fun. reminding people they are one year closer to death. the only holidays that really bother me are the ones they give you a day off for. cause usually with everything closed i get pretty bored.

I have plans for valentine's day. I'm going to get a hepatitis shot. I have a hard time getting worked up over valentine's day. I mean, I can complain about just about pretty much anything, but being single for a hallmark occasion seems much less tragic than, say, the forecast for this weekend, which isn't even that bad (cloudy).

I don,t get too excited about valentine,s day either,except if I don,t get anything then I get pissed,but that hasn,t happened in a long time.Feb.16th is Jonathon,s birthday that I,m looking forward to.

What dire offense from amorous causes spring What mighty contests rise from trivial things! -- Alexander Pope

i'm trying to convince dave to go get a domestic partnership certificate with me on valentine's day. he wants to know, "what's the point?" i keep replying "it's symBOLic." i just think it may be kinda funny. it would probably be 20-30 gay and lesbian couples, plus me and dave, with cleo in tow. they will be serving refreshments.

Go do it, ya big lunk.

Ah, Kymical, a kindred spirit. Something similar happened to me my senior year in college. My girlfriend had cheated on me and we broke up. Lo and behold one day I stumbled onto a terminal in the computer room that someone had forgotten to log out of. It was her new beau's account! I placed a back door into the account so that I could log onto it whenever I wanted to (without a pesky password) and then logged out. I read their e-mails for a month... I couldn't stop, no matter how painful it became. The only thing that stopped me was being banned from the school's computers for life, but that's another story...

Kevin's free now. He just can't touch anything technological: phones, computers, hairdryers, vibrators. When he was in jail, the judge was so paranoid, that he wouldn't allow him a phone call for fear that he would whistle into the phone and cause a nuclear attack. He wouldn't give him a laptop with a modem, even tho there are no phone lines in any of the cells. So after 5 years, he's free, and fucked. He can't even work at McDonalds, because of the tills. Basically the only thing he can do, is become a gardener.

Yeah, well, the judicial system was scared shitless, vengeful, and ignorant, but that doesn't change the fact that he's a dumbass punk that gets no sympathy from me.

who's kevin?

Mitnick. Poster boy for the living in the parents' basement acne set, with dreams of kiddie scripts and world domination to avenge their datelessness.