| THIS IS A READ-ONLY ARCHIVE FROM THE SORABJI.COM MESSAGE BOARDS (1995-2016). |
|---|
In less than four weeks it will be a year since she died. I have her ashes in my living room, but I would dearly love to bury them in a local cemetary and erect some sort of memorial for her. I had hoped that the anniversary of her death would be the day we could unveil her memorial, but my family are too fragmented to talk to each other about anything, let alone something as personal and difficult as this. Half the family have avoided the issue for the past eleven months - every time I try and talk to them about it they just say it's too hard to think about, and change the subject. I have let them know how important this is to me, but they can't deal with the emotions they have suppressed for the past eleven months. My step father and step brother are afraid to even think about it, in case they just lose it and everything they have worked for in their lives. My elder sister is with me, keen to sort it out, and thinking along much the same lines that I do, about what we should do and where. My little brother avoids the issue entirely, and my other step brother is able to talk with me and his brothers and father, but doesn't have the same desire to do something that I do. My mother doesn't talk to my step father at all. Add to that, the fact that we are spread around the country and the world, it just makes it easier not to talk if you don't want to. After my grandmother died, I began to have some hope that we could start talking and sort this out. Mum, my brother, my sister and I agreed to try and have something agreed in time to have an unveiling next month. Now everyone is trying to push that target out, but no-one is willing to say for how long. I don't even know if we will all get together on the day. I don't think I can wait for another year. |
Peace to you |
I 'm with Xena on this one. Let everyore know what you're gonna do but leave it up to them to come.... I couldn't make it to Darcy's unveiling (would you believe my boyfriend got chicken pox at the ripe of age of 24! and I had to take care of him!!) but I know anytime I'm in Nelson I can visit his grave and his family, and most importantly hes in my heart. Some people (males mostly *G*) find it hard to deal with, especially if they are older and have that attitufe of ignoring it makes it go away. (Is that a kiwi thing or worldwide I wonder)? Anyway once there is a place for your sister to rest the males in your family might feel they can visit her and grieve without anyone seeing. *hug* |
|
However, he has been in Veitnam since just after xmas, and has had some good talks with Mum about it. I think he is definately coming around to my way of thinking, now that he is thinking about it. I also feel that this is a very final act, burying her ashes, and I would like everyone invovled to have a say. |