Deciding

sorabji.com: What have you failed to do?: Deciding
By Elviang on Sunday, September 9, 2001 - 11:20 pm:

    At what point in our lives do we get to decide whether we are a failure or not? In the last 5 months I have quit college, moved 1200 miles back home, am living with my parents, and jobless. This is not the life I imagine having at this age. And although I don't think of myself as a failure, I'm beginning to wonder what else it would take to be considered one...
    I'll be moving out soon, and it's not as though I'm not looking for a job. I've been applying for at least a couple of jobs a week but nothing seems to come of it...which just supports the whole "failure" judgement.
    Am I at a point in my life where I get to decide that I am a failure, or do I have to let others decide for me?

By Joe on Monday, September 10, 2001 - 01:34 am:

    don't ever let anyone else decide anything for you. your life is your business and you make the decisions. seems as if you need to decide why you quit college and what you really enjoy doing. you should pursue that which makes you happy. think about it.

By patrick on Monday, September 10, 2001 - 11:33 am:

    what is failure?


    in the eyes of whom?


    who is setting the standards for excellence here? you? your parents? your peers? the media?

    its impossible to answer this question for YOU.

    Im a failure, when I've failed to meet standards our goals set by MYSELF. For example, "My marriage failed because fucked that other woman and my wife caught me". Im a failure because I declined to live up to the moral and emotional committment I made to her on my wedding day.

    I dropped out of college. But I didnt move home. Why did you go home? I dropped out of college for another pursuit and also It just wasnt my time. Some say I lacked discipline, and that very well may be, But Im happy with where Im at today so I wouldnt change a thing. Did I fail? No, not in my eyes, and most definitly not in my parents eyes.

    Sounds like someone has been yielding a guilt complex on you

By Elviang on Monday, September 10, 2001 - 12:59 pm:

    Yes, someone has been yielding me a guilt complex...but unfortunately that someone is myself. I don't feel quilty about dropping out. It wasn't the time or place for me to be going to school. I moved home because at the time I didn't see any other option. I don't have the money to move out by myself...let alone live with someone. My mom could not have been more supportive of any of my decisions. But I have this problem with not living up to my own standards. Example: I used to get upset when I didn't get on the "A" Honor role in high school....it was a running joke that I was the "smartest of the dumb people" or the "dumbest of the smart people" This is how I feel now...I was to dumb to not continue on in school. *Actually I wasn't competitive enough to continue on. I think it also has to do with that 1st person thing...."I would have been the first in my family to do...."
    I think the main problem stems from the fact of how other people are labeled. If you have someone who has had to move back into their parents house, is jobless, a dropout...what is the label that is put on them. It is portrayed that the first thing people think is not..."oh they must be having hard times." Rather it seems to be one of pity...or look at that loser!
    The main over arching question is whether I MYSELF consider me to be a loser/failure. I can only answer that it depends on the subject. I am proud of myself for moving so far away from my friends and family and proving that I could survive! I am proud of myself for lasting a little longer then one semester! I am disappointed I am not working...as I thought by now I'd have a job. I just wish I could blame it all on the media and society but I know that would be incorrect.
    And now that I seem to be rambling on and on I'd better end.

By patrick on Monday, September 10, 2001 - 01:26 pm:

    i think you are wasting too much thought on this rather than what you intend to do otherwise.