oh gad. I gotta whine somewhere. I'll make it short. I've always wanted to go to school out of state... I live in Utah, enough said. So I made plans and applied to go to school in San Jose where I have some family. I had just broken up with a psycho and the want to leave was strongly magnified by that. But then about four months later I made up with a man I'd dated a few years back. We had broken up then so we could focus on school and we both were nerve racked by how fast it moved. It wasnt a bad break up. Very mature in retrospect I feel. So we've gotten back and life is great. but now the fast approaching date to move to go to school is here. I could stay here and finish my schooling here. The schools arent as good and it *IS* Utah. I know he's considered leaving but its hard enough for me to leave friends and family, let alone for him who wouldnt be leaving for any reason besides me. A lot of the pressure is also from friends who think I can't make it.. i want to prove I can. lame i know. UGH! I know if I leave him behind I'll always wonder if this could have been the chance - I dont believe in fate or there being *one* person, but I know from experience there cant be too many out there that are "right" for me. And if I stay.. AUGH!..... <starts singing> should I stay or should I go now... dooot dooot

I've been in a similar situation as the guy. I didn't go, and I think I'll regret until I die. (still do almost every day). Ask him to go with you, if it doesn't work out it doesn't work out and he can move back. It'll suck but at least you tried. If it does work out it'll be worth it. Here's to your dreams.

I've never met you and have no idea what all the circumstances are, but I have no doubt that you should leave home and go away to school. I assume you are young, around 18. there is no right man for you right now because you are too young for him, wherever he is. if you were to meet your soulmate one-and-only dream life partner right now, then that would just mean you would not fully appreciate him because you wouldn't have had enough adult relationships to compare it to. leave utah. especially if you have lived there all your life and feel comfortable there and are afraid of leaving. you will not regret the decision to grow up and live a new life somewhere else. home will always be there for you. san jose does happen to righteously suck, but it's a starting point, anyway. it's sort of close to the bay area. go there. this is very important. go!

don't come to california. californians are all assholes. San Jose is a hell hole.

Plus it's all due to fall into the sea soon anyway. Go to Colorado or something. And,p.s. if you guys broke up once to focus on school, you surea s hell can do it again. Sorry, it's humid as all hell and I am cranky. Do what you want, but listen to Cyst. If R.C. wieghs in, listen to her too.

how funny, I was going to ask r.c. to put in a word here. and on these boards, this isn't whiny girl stuff, it's typically whiny boy stuff. sorabji.com, where the women are strong, the men are good-looking, and all the children are above average.

if this is highschool to college... go go anywhere

exactly. when I left home to go to college, I moved to a different state where I didn't know anyone. and I had a horrible roommate with whom I had nothing in common. I cried every night for weeks, spent so much money on long-distance calls that I had to get a part-time job. where I met a bunch of friends and started the chain of events that has led to my moving out here to the former soviet union, where I routinely work until 5:30 a.m. and have to pay $10 for a plate of nachos. wait, maybe you should stay home. I'd kill for a hot night on the town in salt lake right now.

fuck them all, ms. frillygirlstuff. cyst, nate, r.c., semillama, the whole lot of them. they're all agents of satan and are out to lead you down the rocky road to hell. me? shiiiiiiit, i've got cloven feet, a cleft chin, and a closet filled with clown suits. you can trust a guy like me. now what you need to do is stick with your roots. stay in Utah. get back in touch the psycho, the ex, and your step-dad. nurture all three of these relationships simultaneously with the hopes of forging a new path into 21st century polygamy. get your mom involved. make it a family affair. do god's work and start squeezing out puppies as fast as your trusty ol' uterus can pump 'em out. now i know how quickly these things can fall apart, so you're gonna need a contingency plan. if things on the homefront get too volatile, go ahead and gather up the young 'uns, hitchhike to san jose and move in with nate. he's got a steady job, a pet iguana, and mountains of hot vanilla love. you two will be perfect together. eh? nah, don't worry. i've got his address.

FGS: #1. Ignore Swine. #2. Get out of Utah/whatever you do. That place does strange things to people's minds... And when it comes to yr education/I say that's one of the few things in life worth going into long-term debt for. Get the best education from the best school you possibly can. No matter how far away you have to travel for it. Cali. has a number of great niversities -- Stanford & UCLA to name the top 2. You don't have to live in San Jose to go to college in CA. But if you stay in Utah over some guy whom you will invariably end up breaking up w/before you get yr degree (trust me)/you'll be kicking yrself for the rest of yr life. I don't believe everyone 'needs' to go to college /but I do think that you turn 18 /everyone needs to move out-of-state & be immersed in a new environment w/lots of different people from all over the country. It's a very necessary rite of passage, IMHO. I'm sure someone here who's spent their entire live in the same town they grew up in w/chime to tell me I'm wrong. But even if you grew up in NYC/I STILL say everyone should move away from home for at least a few years in their early 20's & get a taste of what the the rest of the world (or at least/the U.S)is like. NY is the greatest city on earth becuz it has everything. But it's not like any other city on earth. If NY is all you ever know/you'll have missed a lot. If Utah is all you'll ever know/there's no point in making it past 21. (just kidding)

#1 Stanford and UC Berkeley are the top 2. #2 I have no iguana.

no iguana? pffffft. well fuck it, then. whatever. who needs hot vanilla love when you've got the orgasmatron?

I've always considered UC Berkeley & UCLA to be part of the same system/so I count them as 1. Did yr iguana die, Nate? Or was it not an iguana in the 1st place?

My bad. I'm old.. Well 24. I got my associates here in Computer Science, then went back and got it in Aviation. There are no good aviation schools here, hence my decision to leave. I love aviation, I loved Comp. Sci. but it just didn't click for me. But none-the-less 90% of the advice still applies. And I don't have an iguana either... I have ferrets, which are illegal in DAMN california... god damnit. Just another wrench in the works

Berkeley and UCLA not even on same planet UCLA and Santa Barbara, maybe, or San Diego, but not Berkeley.

besides, I'm not sure anyone who has lived in utah their whole life (?) should move directly from there to berkeley. if she feels best about moving to san jose first because she has family there, that's fine. she should get the best grades she can her first year, take a lot of weekend trips to other cities in the state, then transfer to a better school, whichever she likes best, as soon as she can. but r.c. is exactly right when she says that after you graduate from high school, you really really should move to another area. do not get stuck at home. do not stay where you are because you are comfortable there, because you are afraid to leave the nest. I promise you that you will not regret leaving utah, whether your boyfriend comes with you or not.

But aren't UC Berkeley & UCLA both part of the U of C system? Meaning state residents get to attend for very low tuition (compared to what someplace like Stanford charges)? And residents get admissions preference over out-of-state students?

I have been to Utah and my sister lives there so listen to me when I say you definitely need to leave. If you and the boy are meant to work out you will work it out somehow - don't think space will come between you. If you give up your dream of seeing the world outside of Utah you will regret it. If things don't work out with the man you will regret it more. Believe me when I tell you - it doesn't matter what school you go to or where you go, but seeing the world outside of Utah is worth doing. Be true to yourself.

the answers to rc's questions are all yes. plus, it's very difficult to obtain california residency. it's really hard to get into berkeley as an out-of-stater. when I was in high school, I turned in an application. by their formula, I had a 4.0 gpa and a 1430 sat, and they told me sorry, try again in the winter.

are you white? 4.0 gpa and a 1430 SAT isn't really good enough. they have plenty of people with 4.5/4.0 gpa's and 1600 SAT's applying. you have to be perfect.

I spent half my senior year thinking about whether to change my dutch name to "juanita maria garcia" and seeing what would happen to me if I checked the "h" instead of the "w" box on my berkeley application. white oregonians have little chance of getting into berkeley. but instead I told the truth. idiot. so I went to my last-resort school in seattle, got addicted to marijuana, became a nirvana groupie, and apologized to my father for not becoming rich and successful and to my mother for not marrying well (or at all). if only berkeley had accepted me despite my mostly white oregonianity, despite that junior-year b in that horrible accounting class with all those snotty little young republicans, I could be a much better person now, I'm sure.

Yeah, what they said. Go. And don't forget the hot vanilla love. Thank God everyone else posted first, thereby saving me a lot of typing but still allowing me to shove my opinions at a stranger. Next one's on me, guys.

I've thought thought more than once about claiming my 'african american' heritage since my father was a French guy from Morocco - AFRICA. It does make me half African y'know. Made me irritated in college when my roommate - a wealthy Filipino girl whose parents were accountants and owned apt buildings - was swimming in financial aid while whitey friends of mine were starving for it.

I've thought thought more than once about claiming my 'african american' heritage since my father was a French guy from Morocco - AFRICA. It does make me half African y'know. Made me irritated in college when my roommate - a wealthy Filipino girl whose parents were accountants and owned apt buildings - was swimming in financial aid while whitey friends of mine were starving for it.

If you thought of yrself as half-African/then you wd've claimed that on yr app. But why claim to be Black only when you stand to gain something from minority status? Either you is or you ain't. And back when I was in college/there was also a Needs Test that students applying for fin.aid had to meet. If you were a Cosby kid/you weren't getting any dough from the school/ Black or not. But maybe that's changed.

How come you have to state what race you are on your application form anyway? Whenever I get one of those things (and over here you get a list that goes * European * Maori * Samoan * Tongan * Chinese * Other... please state....... I always tick other and write New Zealander.

I always check other & write in Carbie Indian. Becuz nobody knows they've been extinct for 200 yrs.