somebody stop me from these tragic jokes

sorabji.com: I need advice: somebody stop me from these tragic jokes
By MoonIt on Tuesday, October 5, 1999 - 09:18 pm:

    Two Irishmen walk into a pet shop. Right away they go over to the bird section. Gerry says to Paddy, "Dat's dem".
    The clerk comes over and asks if he can help them. "Yeah, we'll take four of dem dere birds in dat cage op dere," says Gerry, "Put dem in a peeper bag."
    The clerk does and the two guys pay for the birds and leave the shop.
    They get into Gerry's van and drive until they are high up in the hills and stop at the top of a cliff with a 500-foot drop.
    "Dis looks loike a grand place, eh?" says Gerry. "Oh, yeh, dis looks good," replies Paddy.
    They flip a coin and Gerry wins the toss. "I guess I git to go first, eh Paddy?" says Gerry.
    He then takes two birds out of the bag, places them on his shoulders and jumps off the cliff.
    Paddy watches as his mate drops off the edge and goes straight down for a few seconds followed by a 'SPLAT'.
    As Paddy looks over the edge of the cliff he shakes his head and says, "Fock dat, dis budgie jumpin' is too fockin' dangerous for me"

    ======- PART TWO =======

    A minute later, Seamus arrives. He too has been to the pet shop and he, walks up carrying the familiar 'peeper bag'. He pulls a parrot out of the bag, and then Paddy notices that, in his other hand, Seamus is carrying a gun.
    "Hi, Paddy. Watch this," Seamus says and launches himself over the edge of the cliff. Paddy watches as half way down, Seamus takes the gun and blows the parrot's head off. Seamus continues to plummet until there is a SPLAT!, as he joins Gerry's remains at the bottom. Paddy shakes his head and says,
    "An' oim never troyin' dat parrotshooting nider"

    ======- PART THREE =======

    A few minutes after Seamus splats himself Sean strolls up. He too has been to the pet shop and he walks up carrying the familiar 'peeper bag'.
    Instead of a parrot he pulls a chicken out of the bag, and launches himself off the cliff with the usual result.
    Once more Paddy shakes his head - "Fock me Sean, first der was Gerry with his budgie jumping, den Seamus parrot shooting and now you blimmin' hen gliding".

By Gee on Wednesday, October 6, 1999 - 12:56 am:

    My brother's names are Sean and Paddy. For real.

By MooniT on Sunday, October 10, 1999 - 09:24 pm:

    My brother's name is Pierce. How hip and trendy of the sperm donator and his wife.

By J on Sunday, October 10, 1999 - 11:07 pm:

    I,m from the south,you never go by your real name down there,my name is Jeannette,but cause I,m from West Virginia,my nickname is Janny Dare, isn,t that scarey?

By Semillama on Monday, October 11, 1999 - 01:52 am:

    Not really. I encountered the same thing in kentucky. My friend Will is "Devil Will" and I also met Tim the Goat God, Johnny the Human Squirrel, and heard tell of a woman they call "Tie Rod".

    I once acquired the nickname "Vanilla Fro" froma group of college buddys for my mop of long hair I had in college. It was shortened to "Fro" and they still call me that, even tho I have short hair now.