Decisions, decisions


sorabji.com: I need advice: Decisions, decisions
THIS IS A READ-ONLY ARCHIVE FROM THE SORABJI.COM MESSAGE BOARDS (1995-2016).

By Pumpkin pie on Saturday, January 15, 2000 - 10:08 pm:

    I sit in front of this computer post orgasmic and incredibly clear headed. Well I have a clearly defined question at least A little background: I am a fairly good looking (more on the strangely beautiful way than the pin-up poster type) I am 33, living in a pretty remote area of The Northeast Kingdom. I just moved here from San Francisco where life was good but, too expensive. My dilemma is: Prospects here for boyfriends who stimulate me physically as well as mentally are slim. should I hold out for this ideal boyfriend or does that person even exist? Is there anyone out there who can give me any hope that this person exists? I have met them before but for some reason or another, timing or fear, things have never stuck. Is there such a thing as soulmates... and do they make good husbands? Should I stay single and never give up my hope for true passion? Or should I compromise and admit that the reality is that there is no such thing as true love?


By Gee on Sunday, January 16, 2000 - 05:23 am:

    I think there's such a thing as true love, I just don't think everyone gets to experience it. but I really have my own ideas about true love and I'm sure they're different from yours.

    I have a question: have any of you people ever deliberately tried to break up an existing couple because you wanted to be with one of them?


By Sheila on Sunday, January 16, 2000 - 11:43 am:

    of course, but that was high school. no, wait, i did it again , later. and then even later, but not lately. the stolen one always gets dumped quite soon, then goes back to the old partner, then it makes you want to do it all over again. and it always works. then you have to wonder why you would want to be with anyone that stupid and vulnerable.

    why move from san francisco, where there is always true love, to any other place where there might not, hey, probably won't, be?


By Markus on Sunday, January 16, 2000 - 11:45 am:

    You know this already, but: moving from SF to the Northeast Kingdom drastically reduces the available pool. And you've got some seriously strange guys up there. A good friend of mine escaped from there; a friend of his from childhood on is still doing time for sneaking into women's homes and getting into bed with them. It must be the isolation that drives them round the bend. Or maybe compulsive masturbation really DOES make you go insane. Be careful.


By Pumpkin pie on Sunday, January 16, 2000 - 04:08 pm:

    Well I can't go back. SF is just not an option any longer. There wasn't exactly a whole hell of a lot of straight available guys there either. Not everyone gets to experience it, huh? Could be, but the idea of giving up on it is so depressing. I am kind of wondering whether one could make something happen. I mean, what if there isn't such a thing as true love, and that we are actually the ones who create it and it doesn't really matter who the other person is?

    My dad's advice to me was not to date people who I have "chemistry" with cause you can't trust chemistry and "you could have chemistry with a serial killer" which started me thinking that maybe I am confusing chemistry with true love. I sure do like chemistry, though.


By Pumpkin pie on Sunday, January 16, 2000 - 04:21 pm:

    BTW, how do you break a couple up? Not that I want to or anything.... How did you KNOW?


By simon on Sunday, January 16, 2000 - 08:12 pm:

    Some couples make marriage vows, which are breakable. Other couples make murder-suicide pacts, which are not.


By heather on Sunday, January 16, 2000 - 10:26 pm:

    how can you date without chemistry?

    what, you just make sure that the person fulfills certain criteria....

    i don't get it


By J on Monday, January 17, 2000 - 12:49 am:

    How do you break a couple up???? I don,t even want to go there....but I,m a few years older than you.Be a ho,just cause you think she,s a friend,that won,t stop your husband from fucking her.Even if your ass would make her a Sunday face.


By Gee on Monday, January 17, 2000 - 02:45 am:

    Sheila, did you ever feel guilty about breaking those people up or was it easy to forget about that part? I hope that didn't come out wrong. I'm really curious about how you felt afterwards.

    when a boy that I was really Really hooked on was with another girl I considered trying to break them up (it wouldn't have been that hard, they were on shaky ground to begin with), but I thought I would be so consumed with guilt that I would have to eventually confess and he would want nothing more to do with me.

    did anyone else try to break people up for their own benifit?


By heather on Monday, January 17, 2000 - 03:13 am:

    no

    but i don't think i've ever been very interested in someone who wasn't interested in me, so if i knew that they were actually with someone else-

    first, i wouldn't assume that they were interested in me to begin with, and if they obviously were i would probably be wary of them.


By sarah on Monday, January 17, 2000 - 05:34 am:


    hey sheila. in another few months i may be read for shopping in sacramento.

    what do you say?



By _____ on Monday, January 17, 2000 - 09:14 am:

    sacto's a hole. you could do better.


By Nate on Monday, January 17, 2000 - 12:15 pm:

    there is this really good chinese food place that we always go to when driving to reno.

    but i forget where it is.

    somewhere in sacto.

    good duck. love that duck. mm.

    duck.


By Patrick on Monday, January 17, 2000 - 12:26 pm:

    i did not know sac was known for it's shopping. I hear stockton has some kick ass factory outlets.


By Gee on Monday, January 17, 2000 - 04:52 pm:

    I don't believe that Sheila is the only person here who's ever tried to break a couple up. You bunch of sissy's.


By R.C. on Monday, January 17, 2000 - 05:48 pm:

    We're not sissies. We're just not that ambitious.

    I only did that shit once: Freshman year of college. But the guy blatantly came after me/even tho' everyone on campus knew he'd been w/the same girl for 2 years. He said he had worked it out w/his girl & she'd agreed to let him do as he pleased. And I told him I didn't want him qo quit her for me/becuz ultimately I knew it wdn't work out btwn us. (He obviously liked the subservient type/which I was not). But we cd hang out as long as both of us were having a good time & as long as he understood that I wasn't giving him an exclusive on me becuz/since he already had a girl.

    So I got to spend my Freshman year screwing a Junior & getting shown around Boston by someone who knew all the cool places to hang out. And dating whomever else struck my fancy in between.

    The guilt phase lasted abt 2 wks. When she knocked on his dorm room door one nite & she saw me sitting on his bed/after having seeing me in the dining hall w/him the previous nite/I knew she knew what time it was. If she chose to stay w/him/I decided she deserved whatever she was willing to put up with. And the guilt evaporated.

    But I will say this: When you convince a man to leave his woman for you/all you end up w/is a no-count bastard who cheats. So it's better not to poach/becuz that shit is juts plain Wrong.

    We as women are always bitching abt how men are dogs & they just won't do right. But the sad truth is/they one's they're cheating w/are other women. If Sisterhood is really going to be Powerful/we've got to respect ourselves & other women enuf to just say NO when some other woman's man comes sniffing around.

    But Sheila's right abt 1 thing: Most of the time/they end up right back w/the wife or girlfriend. Becuz they've done that shit before & she's the type who puts up w/it.

    P.S.
    I say hold out for true love, Pumpkin. You're over 30/so you've prolly had yr share of 'what-the-fuck-was-I-thinking?' affairs. And you've prolly seen more than a few couples who married in haste & repented in divorce court. Not everyone is looking for a Soul Mate/but if you're one who is/remember that real love shows up in it's own good time. And the Real RIght thing is always worth the wait.

    All you have to lose by waiting is a lot of potential heartache & aggravation from various Mr. Wrongs. And the possibility of catching something nasty if you're careless.

    Who needs that shit?


By agatha on Monday, January 17, 2000 - 09:45 pm:

    i never tried to break anyone up, but i did sleep with my old boyfriend for over a year after we broke up and were both with someone else. that was a bad thing to do, but his new girlfriend was luckily a total weenie so i didn't feel too bad for her. i also once dated someone solely to make another exboyfriend jealous, it worked but made me feel like total shit. i broke up with him finally and cried on his shoulder. he was a really nice guy, too. hopefully, he's some lucky girl's husband by now.


By Patrick on Tuesday, January 18, 2000 - 12:03 am:

    i tend to take heather's philosophy, why bother?

    plus that just seems kinda childish, school yard shit, ya know.


    by the way, we went on a super shopping spree this weekend with our xmas bonus money we have been hording.........scored a new technics receiver, vcr and a new pair speakers to round out my master super stereo, surround living room.

    Ok, seriously, my phono output on the old receiver was going to shit, my vcr was old, with no remote and mono to boot.

    Needless to say we have been enjoying our day off watching movies, listening to records. I don't normally get my rocks off on tech shit, but damn if doesn't sound good, plus i like playing and tweaking with all the various pro logic settings.......finally i can listen to my records without a fuzz in the left channel


By Pumpkin pie on Thursday, January 20, 2000 - 08:00 pm:

    Hi all,
    I know all of the reasons not to break people up, and I don't really REALLY want to. But it is fun to think about....
    R.C. I just wanted to say thanks for the encouragement, it's what I was looking for. I hope you read this. It is hard to hold out when you want love and companionship so badly. And it is such a fertile pool for mistakes. I think I need to make some friends up here, but Christ it is hard to find people that I have anything in common with, well thank god for the internet.


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