So... this is the one where R.C. humbles herself before her Sorabjian friends becuz I am Clueless & Anxious & Far Too Intimidated to figure this out alone... -------------------------------------------------- Despite my pledge earlier today not to resort to plastic except in case of emergencies/considering the fact that I am once-&-again unemployed (didn't I tell you? the wonderful gig w/the perfect hours & the really cool Supervisor & the Manager who invites me finishing on his boat evaporated into thin air today/after some upper-echelon corp. muckety-muck above my Manager's head decided to disband the night shift of temps they hired on precisely 92 days ago (we were promised permament employment after 90 days --until such time as their 'relocation plans are finalized and we've moved into our new space'/ literal trans: "We only bought you schmucks on board to handle to the bloat of grunt work resulting from our recent new acquisitions/& now that that's all caught up/Fuck You All!") & I consequently shdn't be using credit unless absolutely necessary. But Fuck It -- there's no fun in drinking at home becuz I already know everyone there. But it's Wednesday. My favorite bartendress is on duty at my favorite watering hole on Wendesdays & Saturdays. So off I went/round about midnite/to drown my sorrows & see what the 30-degree-wind might blow in. (Yes/it is even quite cold in Florida right now.) And there I was/playing the-hale-damsel-well-met amongst all my male drinking buddies (for reasons unknown to me/all of my drinking buddies have always been male...) becuz I cdn't bear the thought of confessing to my Princes of Corp. America/my overpaid Kings of the Information Age/that their Best Girl was again amongst the ranks of the leisure class. And for reasons even more unknown to me/someone started buying shots for all of us. And I ended up tossing back 3 Maker's Marks in less time than it takes to say "Call me a cab cuz'I'm biffed/boxed/& schnookered". And then they all left to retire to their artificial lakefront condos & 2600 sq-ft-houses/in order to be in shape to get up & Meet The Man in the morning. And there I remained/ discombobulated/nearly-too-inebriated/with my book that had come in the mail today from my friend in NY (Mitchell Duneier's "Sidewalk"/for those who care) who had left a msg. on my machine earlier asking me to call in & act as a quasi co-host for her radio show next Monday nite. Yeah... right. And suddenly/I discover myself standing next to the umistakable scent of shallots & lemongrass. And I look to my left & there is the loveliest specimen of malehood that I have come across since my supermarket encounter w/the swarthy Mediterranean Adnois who fetched my hairclip from the floor sometime last year. (It's posted here somewhere/but I'm too drunk to search for the link now). And he's short/but not 'way too short'/abt the same height as me (5'9"). With skin like espresso & dreads pulled back in a pony tali. His hair was almost as long as mine (which I usually deplore in a man.) And his accent is unmistakably English but not London-Bridge- English. And his eyes are the color of cat's eyes -- hazel-green w/ flecks or bronze. Eyes no human creature shd have. And he remarks on my reading material. And we discuss NYC street-vendors in general & street booksellers in particular (which the book is abt). And his Bajan (that's Barbadian to you) roots. And my Bajan roots. And I discover that he is also a transplanted New Yorker/from the People's Republic of Brooklyn. Working as -- get this -- a private chef here in Sarasota. The kind you hire to cook for yr family for a week. Who does all the shopping & prepares all the meals & freezes them for future use. For $750 per + groceries/no less. And under the table at that. His declared income comes from catering work -- private parties & such -- that his former boss from a local none-too-shabby Italian restaurant downtown books as a sideline. Who also happens to be the biggest real estate-cum-restaurant owner in the city. And he's single. And childless. And short. But very well-built. VERY well-built. Legs like doric columns. A butt like a ripe peach. Even in relaxed-fit jeans/I cd tell. And he's 28 yrs. old. And I'm 39/which I made a point of casually disclosing/after my favorite bartendress (who apparently knows him a bit) teased me loudly abt "jailbait". So... what's an R.C. to do? I declined to give him my #/but I took his. Home #/voicemail/beeper #/& cellphone. I said I wd call him on Friday. At his home. But being currently unemployed-&-all-non-void/I am in no position to start dating anybody at this moment. Becuz I can't afford to keep up my end/so to speak. "No romance w/out finance"/right fellas? Please... help me figure this out. Becuz Six had no useful advice to offer. All she card abt was getting her ration of Hunter's Stew w/Venison & cuddling up next to me on the couch. Shd I call him? Or pass until I get myself a new gig? I suspect he's way too young/& far too good-looking/for my own good. But then it seems the best ones always are...

R.C.,go for it,he sounds pretty bright,so it wouldn,t be like babysitting,he,s ten years past legal,and he sounds hot!!!!! You know if your thinking "I,ve got to get me some of that",then you probably should.But thats just me,and your you.

I shan't call him til Nate/Agatha/Markus/Sem/ Swine/& Markus -- at the very least -- have had their say on the matter. So hurry up, folks!!! I've only got til Fri!

Damn, R.C., this is a no-brainer. OK, when you're down, what perks you up even more than spending money on yourself (keep in mind here that I may be projecting)? Admiration and chemistry, baybay! Are we saying you have to adopt this poor young thing and let him move into your home and blah blah blah? No. Bet he isn't saying it, either. You've got to do something about the job, to make yourself feel better. Because you never want some man to be the only good thing in your life (excepting Six of course). So use him as moivational bait, a treat, a reward. I can go dancing with Mr. ripe peach ass if I send out 10 resumes and make 3 calls today. Don't assume the contours of the possibilities and probabilities. And don't fall into bed with him no matter HOW fine he is. But wouldn't you like to go shopping in a mercado for exotic groceries some morning, just tag along on a food finding quest? Wouldn't you like someone to go have cuban coffee (I assume you can get cuban coffee there) with some saturday and read the paper? There's no rule which says you can't tell this cutie "hey, I might come to really like you, but let's test drive you as a boon companion first..." or WHATEVER. I say call him, and ask him to do something on his day off that starts in the a.m. and is time limited, does not continue into the evening. Like go out for brunch and a matinee or something. You could use the ego boost in this time of unemployment.

i say go for it, RC. you don't need money to date. just let him take you out occassionaly and spend the bulk of your dates doing free things (you do have beaches, don't you?) besides, it sounds like he has my eyes. he's got that going for him.

I don't think your temporary state of unemployment should discourgae you, R. C. And dreads are a very good thing in my book (although on girls, though). Once again, Margrete's brilliance shone through. Take her advice. I would. So go for it! At the very least, you'll have some new tales for us here.

Maybe you and he could go to the beach fishing,and hope he catches a big one, so you could have a good look at his doric columns in action,and if you're lucky maybe have a good peek at his peach fuzz.

I can't see any reason at all not to go for it just because of the job situation, or any other reason, for that matter. I mean, this is the opportunity you've been looking for; don't chuck it now over some ridiculous reason. He's not going to be waiting forever, so keep him casual with a once/twice a week thing until you get a better feel for the situation. Eventually, punch him in the face, etc. Besides, it sounds like he has my legs. He's got that going for him. (Except mine are Ionic.)

Well/I went to an agency today & did the initial a paperwork for this gig they're hiring for/at a company called Security Link. They do alarm systems for business & residential customers. They're a 24-hr operation/& they're specifically looking for 2nd & 3rd shift people. Which is perfect becuz I keep strictly vampire hours & I only wanna work 4pm-to-midnite/if possible. If it has to be midnite -to-8am/then I'll adjust. It's the same $$ I was making before. And they hire you on permanently after 60 days/instead of the usual 90/which is a plus. The chick that interviewed me said they've hired on everyone she's sent to them. There's some 3-hr test I have to take on Feb.9. Then I interview at the company itself. So I'm estimating roughly a 3-wk. turnaround before I'm back amongst the working class. But get this -- I HAVE TO SUBMIT A HAIR SAMPLE FOR A DRUG TEST!! Canyoubelievethatshit? Never in my life have I had to go thru THAT shit! It's cool/becuz I haven't done anything stronger than booze since I moved here in '95. But suppose I'd smoked a spliff 2 wks ago/or done some coke last month? With a hair sample/any drug use in the past 4-6 mos. will be detectable. Why does a prospective employer need to know what I was doing 6 mos. before I walked in the door? Suppose I'd gone into a 90-day rehab program becuz I *did* have a drug problem? Now I'm out & clean & looking for work. And they're gonna nix me for some shit & stopped doing 3 mos. ago? Man, I am SO BURNT abt this! Becuz I've heard this is beginning to be a hiring trend w/large companies. But I need the gig/so I gots no choice. BTW/Mr. Doric Columns last name is Marcus/which is what he goes by/becuz his 1st name (which I had to practically pry out of him) is the most ridiculously feminine name I have ever heard on a guy. But Carribean brothers often have weird given names. His biz card lists his 1st 2 initials & his surname. And there is absolutely Zero Chance of me falling into bed w/this guy. No matter how fine. I've been celibate for longer than I dare admit here/partly as a religious thing/but mainly becuz I got tired of ending up in bed w/Mr. Wrong/or wrestling matches at 3 a.m. to try & get a guy to put on a condom/or getting physically & emotionally entangled w/someone only to find out he was already entangled w/someone else. R.C. has a long-standing policy of a 6-mo waiting period before she give up some ass. And most guys either fuck up well before then & get fired by me/or they can't handle the wait so they quit. I'm too old for that suddenly-my-clothes-just-flew-off-&-we-ended-up-in-bed shit. And thank you Gents, for being kind enuf to pretend for me that a woman w/no $$ isn't a turn off. But y'all know you're all lying! Swine wd never date a girl w/no job. Thass a fact! And Natorious/for real -- if you met some cutie at a bar (& I did pay for my own drinks last nite/except for the shots/which happened before Marcus arrived)/got her digits/took her out on a date then found out she had no job/wdn't you wdn't lose her # ASAP? You too, Markus! Nate/we all know you have a tender heart & a soft spot for Damsels in Distress. But you never end up involved w/chicks like that -- you just rescue them w/yr adborably chivalrous ol' self/get them on their feet/then send them on their way. Becuz in the 21st Century/EVERYBODY is abt the Benjamins. I wdn't be too keen on getting involved w/a guy that had just lost his job. (And no/I didn't mention that fact last nite. But I will tell him when we go out.) So why shdn't I expect turnabout to be fair play? [But if he disses me/ I'll be CRUSHED!] But anyway/he'll be doing the asking when I call him tomorrow/so whatever we do/it's on his dime. I have enuf cash on hand to cover my bills for a couple of months/if I skip the extras. If we make it to Date #2/then I can certainly break out the plastic to pay for dinner or whatever. Now/on to the difficult stuff: 1. I hope he'll have the good sense to suggest something for us to do on our 1st date. Becuz I hate when a man leaves it up to me for our 1st time out together. I wanna see what he can come up w/on his own w/out my input, y'know? But if he says "So lemme take you out -- where wd you like to go?" is a movie cool? Meaning I will tell him I'd love to go & see "Magnolia" (which I am dying to see) whenever he's free. And I will eat at home beforehand/so I won't be angling for dinner afterwards. There's a coffehouse near the theater/so I figure we can have a cuppa joe afterwards. (And unfortunately/there are virtually no Cubans in this part of FL. There's only 1 place I know of that sells Cafe Cubano/but I prefer my usual spot -- they have more varieties of java & killer desserts.) 2. Sorry Margret/but I don't do a.m. 'dates'. And this guy 's free time seems to be rather sporadic. He's got 3 regular private customers he cooks for every week/plus one prospective customer he said he was interviewing w/on Friday . From the way he descibed it/he does the shopping in the morning/then spends all afternoon in their kitchen making magic & packing it up for the freezer or the frige. He said he does a couple of catering-type gigs a week/since it's The Season. And the catering gigs are usually on Friday or Saturday. So I imagine if we go out this week/it'll be on Sunday. In the afternoon. Izzat okay, Margret? 3. What shd I wear? Assuming it's a movie/I figure jeans will be okay. Plus it's cold here now/so I'm not abt getting all dolled up. But what if he says "Let me take you out to dinner?" If he does/I'm sure it won't be to Appleby's or any place casual like that -- all the chefs in town know each other/& he's worked at some of the best restaurants in the area. I'd have to get dressed to the nines. And most of my dinner-type dresses are black or red. Both of which are provocative colors for a 1st date. (Sorry/but I'm one of those NY women who buys all her clothes in 4 or 5 colors. Nearly everything I own is red/black/various shades of brown/yellow/or gray.) They're all knee-length or longer. But they're, y'know, sexy little dinner dresses. Either lots of decolletage in front or spaghetti straps & exposed skin in the back. I have work clothes/but they're all totally boring. No good for a dinner date. I have 1 non-sexy black dress -- my funeral dress. It's long sleeved/simple & demur. Shd I wear that? 4. And what abt the logistics? I'm old-fashioned -- I like to have a guy pick me up at my door for a date. But nowadays/everyone says "Safety First -- drive yr own car on the 1st date". I'd prefer to have him fetch me/but shd I offer to meet him there instead? (As least then I wdn't have to clean my house from top to bottom!) 5. And what abt the age difference? I've got 11 yrs. on this guy. I never, ever go for younguns. So I think subliminally/I will always be in 'bubby mode' & project that vibe/becuz I can't imagine myself actually being w/anyone so young. (Except Nate;) Is dating this compliacted for the rest of you? Or am I just nervous from being out of practice?

A. Go for it. He sounds like a neat guy, the job will come--don't let something like this stop you. 1. I hate the feeling of being asked what I want to do on the first date too. This one's on them. 2. As long as you feel ok, the timing really doesn't matter. 3. Wear what you're comfortable wearing. If you're going out to dinner somewhere fancy, wear the nice dress. Don't feel like you have to look like an old maid because you're going somewhere nice on your first date and don't want to look provocative. 4. Meet him there. It's nice to get picked up, but if it goes really wrong, whatever, it's nice to have an escape route. Once you're sure about what's going on, then let him pick you up. 5. As long as it's legal. Age difference smage difference. Besides, they're fresh and tasty at that age. *wink* Have fun. Don't be nervous. Good luck.

R.C., I don't know you, but damn, you've got this thought out to the Nth degree. If you don't mind my saying so: First of all, if you're out of work, but are seriously looking, most guys that I know wouldn't hold that against you, and not just because they want a piece, but because they know shit happens. True, if it's been 2 years and you're still looking, that might be a different story, but this sounds like it's fairly new. 2nd, do something fun. Somebody mentioned going to the beach to fish in a previous post. (I take it you live in FLA.) That's a great idea. With my present girfriend, we hemmed and hawed about what to do on our first date and she knew I was running down to the beach on a Sunday afternoon to go fishing so she proposed to come along. We were nailing bluefish right and left. She had never gone fishing, and we both had a great time. If that don't float your boat, go to the zoo, walk around a mall, go to a driving range, go to a batting cage, something where it takes the pressure off of you both sitting looking across a table from each other. 3rd, after you get out of the shower, ambush your closet, pick out whatever feels good, and put it on. End of that. 4thly, if you trust him, let him drive. It always makes men feel good to drive a lady around. I don't why, it just does. And lastly, I'm 11 years older than my current girlfriend. I'm 37, she's 26. At first it bothered me a little, but after you spend time with the person, you don't even notice it. Sure I got razzed by friends about robbing the cradle, but who cares. Hope this helps.

What's his first name, RC? Is it Vivian? Leslie? Dana? Arabella?

shannon? kelsey? francis? butros-butros?

I can't put his name all over the Web like that! I wdn't want my real name all over Sorabjiland! He was obviously embarassed at it. I had to badger him mercilessly to get it out of him. But I was drunk/so I was determined. He even said so: "You are a very determined young lady..." (He cd just as easily have said "You are a damn nosy bitch...) It's a girl's name, though. Totally. Prolly one of those 'family names' so many boys get stuck w/forthe sake of 'tradition'. He's got the loveliest lilting accent. Makes it easy to shut up & let him do the talking. And he seems reasonably bright. And good manners too! He lit every single cigarette for me once we started talking. God, I love that! But where's Agatha? Someone pls. find her & send her over here, toute de suite! I must hear from Agatha abt all this. And Sheila too! Esp. whether or not to let him pick me up. Becuz my car's been stalling out on me of late. Might be the cold. [And Doug: I love fishing. I'm a spaz at it/I never catch anything. But I never get to go becuz I have no one to go with. (Fishing's like sex -- sure, you can do it alone but what's the fun in that?) I dunno if you can rent fishing poles w/out being part of a charter outing. It's way too cold to go to the beach now/but the temp is supposed to warm up again early next week. And thanks for yr input, too.] As soon as I restart it/it's fine. But if I'm idling/like at a red light/it does this little shudder thing/then it cuts off. That wd be too embarassing on a date. So I'd rather have him drive. (And no/my car doesn't need a tune-up. Or an oil change. I've very conscientious abt my auto maintenance.) Plus my car's old & crappy & dirty. Better for him to drive. Right? FUCK! I need a haircut in the worst way! Better call for an appt. 1st thing tomorrow. And I shd stop by the bar Sat. & see if my bartender has any dope on him. She seemed to know him a little. I'm due to call him Friday @ 7:00 p.m. I promise to reveal every word right here as soon as I hang up. (*If* I can get into the boards.) I shd shd start cleaning my house... Truthfully -- Nate/Dougie/Sem/Markus/all you guys here: Do men ever get all giddy over the thought of going out on a date? Or am I just being a girly-girl abt this?

In my experience, sure, I get excited about going out on a date. I wouldn't say it's giddiness, but there's definitely an anticipation. I try to relax about it by telling myself I'm just going out to get to know somebody and have fun with it (to quell the inevitable thoughts that go through my head like, "Jesus Christ, what if she doesn't want to marry me by the end of the date tonight?") I don't think you're being girly-girl about it, just don't psych yourself out with it. Have fun. If he's not the right guy for you, at least you'll have a nice evening out. If he is the right one, the date & all the pieces will fall into place by themselves. Oh, and I must take exception to your statement about fishing alone. Most of the guys I know prefer to fish by themselves. There's 3 types of fishing around here (Long Island, NY), casting lures off the beach, throwing bait off the beach, and boat fishing. All have their merits. When me and the boys are in the mood, we get cases of beer, scotch and cigars, tons of bait, sand spikes, lawn chairs, 2 rods apiece, plant ourselves, and make an evening out of it -- usually don't catch jackshit except buzzes. But I prefer taking my surfbag/lures down to the beach by myself, putting on my waders, and casting. I leave the rod in the car and go after work a lot just for an hour or so. It's beautiful to be on the beach alone at dusk after looking at a computer screen and hearing phones ring all day. So in conclusion, good luck and have a great time!

I'm originally from L.I. The only regular fishing I did was as a kid/in the canals on the South Shore & out in the bay. And there's was at a spot called The Sore Thumb/which was somewhere near Robert Moses beach/that a guy took me to one nite. But we never got around to fishing. ;) And a couple of shark hunting trips off Montauk point. Those were big fun! The only fish I actually ever caught was a big fat catfish off a pier upstate at Lake George when I was 12. Catfish are ugly as sin. And extremely hard to skin. It's nice to know that guys anticipate dates too. Hopefully/Marcus is looking forward to my phone call tomorrow as much as I am.

I'm so jealous, RC. You're so bold. All the Sorabji women are so fearless. Even if you don't get what you want, you never stop trying. I'm really jealous. I want you to jump on this man (figurativly) in the worst way. if I can't have mine, I want you to have yours.

ask him if you can go grocery shopping when he goes to buy his shit for the rich people. that's a cheap date, and a girl's gotta eat anyhow. then, you can pick up shopping and eating tips from him. then, fuck him. i mean, ah, give him a kiss. umm.

I always thought I would never go out with a guy who wasnt employed. Then I met D'arcy. And he was unemployed. And I didnt care. He had a few dollars sometimes. But I liked him enuf that hanging out with him doing nothing but talking was enuf for me. So I think you should just stop freaking out and CALL HIM!

Is his name Leslie?

Is it Marion? How about Ashley?

Is his name Seymore Weiner?My husband didn,t have a job when he came back out here after quiting law school after only 2 weeks.I didn,t care,at least he was back here.But I knew he wasn,t lazy,he always worked when he was going to A.S.U.,sometimes two jobs.Maybe there is something wrong with me,Shaunna the bitch used to grill me whenever I was going out with someone new,whats he do?what kind of car does he drive?How much does he make a year?Where does he live?Blah blah blah.She picked her men on how much $$$ they made,I picked mine on their entertainment level.

"Natorious/for real -- if you met some cutie at a bar (& I did pay for my own drinks last nite/except for the shots/which happened before Marcus arrived)/got her digits/took her out on a date then found out she had no job/wdn't you wdn't lose her # ASAP?" hell no. what does someone's income have to do with anything? so long as she gives great head, she can do whatever she wants.

Yeah, catfish are pretty homely looking fish. But they're great fried up in a cornmeal batter. Skinning them's a drag. The way my dad taught me is to nail their head to a board, score the skin behind the front fins, and use pliers to peel the skin back, cut the head off, then gut them. Pretty gross. I don't do any freshwater fishing anymore except for my annual flyfishing trip out west each year for trout. What made you move from LI to FL?

A job's got nothing to do with anything. Unless she's looking for a meal ticket a la Shaunna the bitch.

Yeah, current employment status means zilch - what if she's independently wealthy? And what is she doing out of the insane asylum going out on a date with me? But seriously, If it's temporary,it's not an issue. As far as getting excited about going out on dates, I think I remember getting so exicted I had to lie down when I still was able to get dates.

Callie?

Oh, yeah. I bet it's Evelyn. Of course, R. C. won't tell even if weget it right, but it's fun thinking of all the names that are considered feminine but get stuck on men anyway.

Maybe it's one of those unisex names...the ones that go either way but lean towards women, like Morgan, or...um...Katy...or...Joe...

I like the name Vivian for a man. You want to hear something funny? My family is very good friends with an old woman (old = 86) named Rose. One of Rose's sisters, Virginia, is what you would call a black widow...she finds rich old men, marries them, they die, and she gets the money. Anyway, Virginia's current paramour is a man named Vivian. But no one, not even Virginia, calls him that....they call him the Sea Captain. I swear. To his face and all. That kills me.

Is there something wrong w/Mark's server today? I cdn't get any of the Sorabji pages to come up on my computer at home. Other sites loaded fine. Cdn't get Sorabji on my Mom's computer either. And she's not on AOL/so it's not an AOL problem. ................................................. Anyway... Marcus gives really good phone. ;) I rang him up @ precisely 7pm. At his home #. After 3 rings/his answering machine picked up. I prefer ans. machines to voicemail/as I am one of those people who screens her calls. If you're someone I wanna talk to/& I'm not reading or in the loo or in the middle of cooking/then I pick up. If you're a telemarketer or someone I don't wanna talk to/or I'm busy/then you can leave a msg. And the telemarketers never do. Which saves me a lot of aggravation. And makes me feel smugly superior for being able to keep them at bay. (Over the past 3 wks./when I've been home during the day/my phone has rung at precisely 3 p.m. every day. Every. Single. Day. Some damn telemarketer calling & hanging up when they get the machine. I don't have Caller ID becuz I don't wanna pay for it. So I don't know the number they're calling from. And I don't care to know.) It's nice to think that there is such a lovely, low-tech solution to stopping salespeople from interrupting my life. But I was kind of squirrely abt leaving him my phone #. So I left a msg. saying that it's 7pm & I'm ____ whom he met at the bar the other nite/& I'll try him back in an hour or so. And maybe 45 min. later/my phone rings. And it's him! Becuz even tho' he has an ans. machine attached to his home phone/he also has Caller ID/like everybody else on the planet. So he got my digits off the machine & called back as soon as he got in. (I know there's a way to block yr # from showing up on someone's called ID/but I can't take my phobias that far...) But first/I must give you the audio portrait. Imagine a man w/Sidney Poitier's diction & Hugh Grant's accent. Not those plummy, perfect accents rich Brits have. But definitely more Brit that Bajan. A warm, brown voice. Deep but not James-Earl-Jones-basso-profundo. A sexy, mellow voice. I like the way he says my name. He said it a lot during our talk. And he apologized profusely for not being there at 7 as promised. And explained that there was a "culinary catastrohpe" in the kitchen on the catering job he was working. Someone dropped a dessert souffle while removing it from the oven. Those individual ones you serve to each guest. So he had to make another one/& they take 30 min. to bake & blah, blah, blah. And I quizzed him abt all the details. Whose house? (Some rich widow on Longboat Key whose name I didn't recognize). What was the occasion? (A birthday party -- not hers -- w/a dozen guests). What was the menu? (Various puff pastry appetizers/lobster bisque/some kind of seared salmon as the main course w/a salad served w/warm raspberry vinagrette. (I hate raspberry vinagrette. Salmon too/for that matter.) And individual chocolate souffles for dessert. So much for the culinary habits of the swells. He was splitting the cooking duties w/another chef & planned to cut out early. But the souffle was ruined & had to be remade. Etc/etc. His next question was did I always read in bars? (No.) And had I finished the book I was reading Wed.? (About 50 pgs. left.) And he rembered the title. (10 pts. for that!) But he didn't cut to the chase & ask me out. He kept talking. And so did I. Abt everything & nothing. When he moved to FL. (2 yrs. ago). Where he grew up (born in Barbados/family moved to London when he was 8/lived there til he was 19/then he came to the States to go to school. How he became a chef. (Learned to love to cook becuz he's the eldest of 5 children & had to help out while his Mom worked. Dad died when he was 7.) Studied at the CIA in NY for 2 yrs/got an associate's degree/his 1st cooking job out of school was at the Plaza (!). He started there as a sous chef/then did the rounds of cooking for various NYC resuarants. But he hates the cold/so he moved out to Cali for a while. Then went w/a friend to Europe to cook in France & Italy & Spain for 3 years. Then his friend departed Barcelona & moved to Sarasota. He went back to England briefly. Came to Sarasota to visit his boy 2 yrs ago/fell in love w/the weather & stayed. He says his French is passable but his Italian is pretty good. Says he never bothered to learn Spanish becuz nobody speaks that kind that Castillian Spanish except in Spain. He was charming. And funny. Definitely knows how to hold up his end of a conversation. And we talked for 3 hours! (Another 10 pts. there. Becuz some guys really hate talking on the phone.) Then/just before the clock struck 11 p.m./he said: "So what are you doing?" "I'm... talking to you...?" "Do you feel like catching a late movie? " "Now?" "Well, they usually have shows starting at 11:30. I cd come & get you & we cd just make it in time." ...... Dead silence on my end. I wasn't prepared to see him tonite! I look like hell. Well/not total hell/but not anybody's idea of a 1st date. I've got grey leggings on & my one really warm overshirt & my big red terrycloth robe... However/my hair looks good. I now have Jennifer Anniston hair (which is actually Janet Jackson hair/the style she had on her Rhythm Nation tour which no one ever remembers when they credit Anniston w/her long, fringed-ends do) since I did manage to finally get it trimmed today. But ah, the spontaneity! Implying that he was oh-so-anxious to see me. (Another 5 pts. for that.) Apparently/he cd hear me spazzing out over the phone & realized he'd caught me of guard. He apologized. So I verbally tripped over myself trying to reassure him that there was nothing untoward abt his suggestion. And somehow managed to segue into the counter-offer that we catch a movie... Then the most devilish idea occurred to me: "I shd tell him I'm busy Sat. & see if he'll come & fetch me on Stupid Bowl Sunday/or blow me off to watch the dumb game."!!! Devious, yes -- but wdn't that be just the purr-fect measure of the strength of his present interest in me? Plus he's English. They usually don't like American football. But/lacking such confidence in my knack to attract/I suggested we see a movie tomorrow. Which he agreed to. Followed by: "So where do you live & when shall I pick you up?" So fuck it/I gave him my address. And directions. And my phone # in case he forgot to write it down from his Call Waiting. And tomorrow we are going on a classic Saturday-nite-date date. An 8:00 movie & (I guess) coffee afterward. I haven't done this in... too long! And I told him to knock when he arrives/vs. ringing. Becuz I'm hoping Six won't pull her usual move & bolt for the bedroom when she hears someone at the door (& the doorbell always sends her scurrying). She's very shy/but cats are good judges of character. I'd like to see how she reacts to him. So... tune in tomorrow for the review! And he definitely gets full marks for his phone skills. .

Who's Shaunna The Bitch? Sounds like Markus has a storty to tell. Lemme freshen my drink & I'll be right back! [And his given name is Joyce. What was his mother thinking? His middle name -- which I will take to my grave -- is even worse. But you didn't hear any of that from me. And now I must make sure he never finds Sorabjiland!]

Never would've guessed that, but...it doesn't sound bad as a man's name, actually. Find out if he was named after James Joyce, for some reason I am rather curious about it. Oh, and way to go R. C.!! ( I hope you're taking notes, gee. I certainly am.)

[Damn -- that was a long-ass post! Remind me tomorrow not to run off at the fingers so much.] Doug: I moved from NY to FL in 95/after getting out of film school in '92 & practically starving in Queens for 3 yrs. trying to get movie work. (The only major movie I was on was when I got to work uncredited as a parking P.A. on "Die Hard w/a Vengance". Made $150 a day for 3 mos. parking cars & finding lost keys!)/becuz my lease was up & my parents had moved to Sarasota a couple of years earlier & my Dad had just been diagnosed w/cancer. I wanted to be w/my folks during his treatment/& I cdn't afford the rent increase if I stayed or the hassle of looking for new crib. So I packed up & left. And sometimes/God hooks you up. Becuz it was his 2nd cancer Dx (the 1st was prostate/the 2nd was colon) & I was royally freaked out. But he had surgery to remove a small (walnut-sized) tumor in his colon on Dec. 26, 1995. He promised us all he'd by home by New Year's. And he was. His surgeon said it was the fastest recovery he'd ever seen. My Mom said it was becuz her cdn't get any beer in the hospital. And he's 100% cancer-free today. His annual colonoscopy this morning came back clean!! Yah, Carlos! Hmmm.. my Da gets a clean bill of health & I get a date all on the sameday. Maybe R.C.'s luck is finally changing for the better. Wish I'd bought another Lotto tkt. Oh & thanks Nate & Sem & all you guys for all yr positive reinforcement. S'nice to know that there are still cool dudes out there who won't hold a slight bit of unemployment against girl. *big kiss!*

Told ya so. And I wouldn't know Shaunna if she pissed on my leg; you'll have to ask J.

it's wonderful when boys call you by your name. 99% of the boys I know never call me by my name when they're talking to me. they either call me by some nickname or just don't mention any kind of name at all. Girls call me by my name all the time, but not boys. I wonder why that is.

WOO HOO, R.C.! I am really excited for you. it sounds like you are going to have fun.

Thanks, doll. :) Acutally/he's due to pick me up in 45 min. We had to change the rendezvous time to 7:15 becuz the movie starts @ 8:00. Wd you believe I'm already dressed? I decided to get online to try & distract myself from watching the clock & being nervous. I thik I need a shot of scotch instead. Just a small one. SO... wish me luck, folks!

Luck! Have fun, etc..

[I woulda posted this sooner -- I was up til nearly 6:00 a.m. trying to get into the boards after I got home Sat./but I was fucking locked out!!! The he called @ 1:30 this afternoon & we were on the phone til just now.] -------------------------------------------------- Anyway/The Date gets mixed reviews: An A+ for Performance/but only a B for Character Development. I like him a lot/but I think he's a little strange... Prelude: I checked the movie listings & realized that "Magnolia" started at 8:00/so he cdn't pick me up at 8. So I called him Sat. afternoon & asked if he'd come & get me at 7:15 instead. (Becuz parking anywhere downtown on a Sat. during the winter is always at least a 20 min. ordeal. Assuming you don't crash into any tourists.) He said no problem/asked what I wanted to do after the movie. I said let's play it by ear/but if he liked coffee/there's a spot near the movies that's open til' midnite & maybe we cd go there. I heard dogs barking in the background & asked what kind of dogs he had. He said they're Pomeranians (sp?) but they weren't his. (Hmm...?) I was in the middle of fixing lunch/so I told him I'd see him @ 7:15 & hung up. He arrived at 7:25 p.m. Okay/10 minutes late & I am a stickler for punctuality. But when someone's picking me up at home -- vs. leaving me to cool my heels in a public place becuz he's late -- I can cut them some slack. (Good thing I told him 7:15 & not 7:30.) So no points off for lateness. He rememebred to knock & not ring. Six was gazing out the living room window into the woods behind the house. I was on the couch watching t.v. & wearing jeans (snug, faded ones/but not super-tight)/Aerosole sandals (in case we ended up walking)/& this white silk poet's shirt I have that I love/tucked into my pants so it bloused over the top of my jeans & he cd see my butt. (Ladies, lemmetellya -- Pilates is like a butt-lift w/out the surgery! And I learned it from a book/no less!) For those who care but don't know/a poet's blouse is scoop-necked/cut low but not come-stare-at-my-boobs low (so long as I don't lean over too far) w/big, soft ruffles on the cuffs & at the neck. (Guys can wear them too. If they're very secure abt their masculinity.) The neck ruffles flutter when I walk/which makes me fee like there's a cloud of butterflies hovering over my bosoms. Which I like. I was going for a "casually romantic" look. (Cyst -- you prolly have a poet's blouse/to wear w/yr long slim skirts?) I never wore it w/jeans before/but I think it was a good 'look'. And yes/I even wore fragrance/for the 1st time in whoknowshowlong. I don't like most commercial perfumes/so I wore Night Queen's Flower/one of those fragrant oils the homeboys sell on the streets in NYC. (I bought a bunch of them before I left.) I even put on earrings -- silver interlocked loops. And mascara & lipstick (bronzeish). Six looks up & bolts for the stairs as I get up to get the door. But she doesn't go all the way up -- she stops on the landing to wait & see who I'm letting in. And I open the door... And Marcus looks delicious. He's in kakhis & a black leather car coat. (Andrew Marc /no less! I saw the label when he took it off later.) And black loafers -- 5 pts. for the shoes! Becuz too many guys go around in sneakers ALL the time. Sneakers are cool for hanging w/the fellas/or walking yr dog/or running errands/or the usual downtime activites. Or work/if yr office is way casual. But on a 1st date that isn't a beach outing/I want the guy to wear shoes. He also has on a white shirt. The shirt was buttoned completely save for the top button. Just a plain, cotton, buttondown. Very white & crisp -- either the guy knows how to wash & iron/or he takes his shirts to the cleaners. He wears no watch/& earrings in each ear. (Minus 5 for that -- I don't like earrings in both ears on a man. I prefer no earrings atall.) And his shirt had (be-still-my-heart!)... french cuffs! YES!! And he had on cufflinks. Onyx squares w/gold trim. Simple & elelgant. 15 pts. for that -- I ADORE french cuffs! Seems to me half the fun of being a guy (other than being able to pull on yr pecker whenever you want & get into bar fights w/out getting a bad reputation) is being able to wear french cuffs & cufflinks. I like ties too/but ties really are dumb. They serve no purpose/other than adding some color to a man's outfit. Or falling into his soup during dinner. (Where's Margret? I'll bet she knows the origins & historical significance of the necktie...) Mostly/ties only seem to give men a chance to prove what bad taste most of them have. But french cuffs are so stylish! Even when they're on a plain white shirt on a guy wearing plain old kakhis/the french cuffs & cufflinks made a world of difference. And he smiled at me when I opened the door. But he also had glasses on. The kind we used to call (John) Lennons -- y'know/ round w/thin gold rins. Which wd've been fine. Hey -- I wear glasses. Constantly. But what freaked me out were his eyes. They were no longer hazel -- they were inky black like mine! And idiot-that-I-am/the first thing out of my big mouth as I let him in was "Good evening. I see you've got glasses. And new eyes too?" So he confessed that he'd been wearing contacts when we met the other night!!!!! EEEuuuwwww! Minus 20 pts. for *that*. I hate people w/fake eyes. Same as I hate hair weaves. Unless you're a movie star or a singer or a model -- someone who has to literally create a new look for her work every single day -- why have fake hair? And don't *even* get me started on toupees! How vain must a man be to get colored contacts?!? But I let it go & proceeded to show him to the couch in the living room. As he passed the stairs/he noticed the cat staring at him from the landing. I told him her name & that she was shy/so don't try to pet her or she'd run for the border. Six stood her ground /but I cd see her whiskers & nose twitching. She prolly smelled the Pomeranians on him. I went into the kitchen to leave some food in her bowl. Offered Marcus a glass of water or some tea. (Brits perfer tea to coffee, right?). He declined both. I asked if we cd skip the usual tour-of-the-manse bit since we had a movie to catch. He said fine. (Never said a word abt the part of my house he'd seen so far. Maybe guys don't pay attention to yr decor...) I came back to the living room/grabbed my purse & keys & off we went. We step outside & there's his car. Fortunately/my nosey neighbor is not outside jabbering w/the couple across the street. (She is the type who must *always* yell "Hi-iiii!" whenever she seems me. As if a nod or a wave in my general direction wdn't suffice. And she's nosey as shit.) And there is his car/parked right next to mine. It's oldish -- maybe '93?? A BMW M3. 2-door. Maroon w/black interior. And those fancy rims guys like. I'm not a car freak. I had a 318i once/ages ago. The stereo got ripped off 3 times is less than 2 years & my father finally said "Look -- either you can't hang out in the city/or you need a car that's less enticing to crackheads." So I sold it & bought the Sentra. But if memory serves me correctly/the M series are very hard to get in the U.S. & therefore very expensive. I' can count on 1 hand the # of times I've seen one. (Nate -- you bought someone a BMW last year as a wedding present/right? How much did the M3 go for new in '93?) I hoped his car wasn't embarassed at being parked next to my lowly '88 Sentra. But at least it wasn't new. The image of a brand-new Beemer in front of my house next to my hoopdee wd have been intolerable/even for me. And he walks over & opens the car door for me/& asks what "Magnolia" is abt (5 pts. for getting the door.) And yes/I do lean over to unlock his door as he's walking back round the car. But it's already unlocked/so I pop it open for him. And the 1st thing I notice inside his car are his CD's. One is a Zap Mama disc that I also have. One is Nina.(I adore her/but I only have 1 compilation CD of Nina Simone/& the soundtrack from "Point of No Return".) And one is Fela Kuti -- "Underground System". An import/which I'm hip to but wish I had!. And I saw a laptop & a manilla folder w/some papers on the back seat. So 15 pts. for his musical tastes/becuz music counts a lot to me. I asked him to plug in the Zap Mama & he does. And we chat abt music as we head to the movies. (No/I did not ask or attempt to smoke in his car. But he didn't bitch when I lit up later at the restaurant. So he gets 10 pts. for being Smoker-Friendly.) And I notice he is wearing the most marvelous cologne. And it smells familiar/but I am so out-of-the-loop that I have no clue what the cool colognes are now. And I don't wanna ask. But it was purrfect -- spicy & woodsy & not-too-strong. (The contacts thing is still bugging me. But I say nothing more abt it.) As we were driving/we made small talk abt how we spent our respective days. And he told me whatever I was wearing/it smelled really nice. :) So I told him what it was. And asked him what he was wearing. And told him I really liked it. "It's called Santos" he said. "By Cartier?" I remembered the name becuz someone I used to know wore Santos sometimes. And becuz it really does smell marvelous. And becuz I was so glad he'd chosen that over Tommy or CK1 or any of those junk colonges that all the younguns wear now. And he said "Oh, you know it?" [But you have to imagine all this in that Brit accent. And with those UltraBrite white teeth (obviously not a smoker/this one).] And I said "Yes, I knew someone who wore Santos...." (Let him wonder who!) And we talked some more/abt whatever. He seems quite the chatterbox /which is good becuz we're evenly matched. Then suddenly the connection btwn my mouth & my brain shorted out from all the tension (good tension/but still) & I said "So, now that we've both passed the Sniff Test/are you anywhere near as nervous as I am? Becuz I haven't done this sort of thing w/someone like you in a very long time..." And he laughed. He's got a laugh like.... like somebody poured a cup full of gold dubloons into yr lap. It's a laugh like a present/or a surprise. It doesn't match his voice -- not as smooth. Kinda silly. But rich &/well/ tinkly. Like the way you'd imagine gold coins clinking together wd sound. And he asked what I meant by someone like him. And I said: "Someone who wears french cuffs. And Santos. And listens to Nina Simone. Ya got good taste, kid!" And he grinned at me so big & brightly that I thought the glare wd blind oncoming traffic! And he said he was "a bit nervous too, but in a cool way". Becuz he hadn't really been out w/too many girls since he'd moved to Sarasota. DingDingDing! 10 pts. for *that*! [Shit -- I promised not to run off at the mouth this time! But I've been dying to tell *someone* abt all this. And if I keep typing/this will is prolly be too long to post w/out my computer locking up. And I have to pee like a racehorse/so lemme go to the loo & I'll come back & post the rest. ]

It's excellent thus far--I'm on tenterhooks to see how this continues...

I will refresh and hope that 12 minutes is long enough for you to pee.

But remember, episode two needs to be written up as well...

So we get to the multiplex & the one lane into the parking garage is backed up for 2 blocks/thanks to all the lazy tourists & richfolks who insist on having someone park their cars for them. (Valet parking shd be illegal at movie theatres!). And it's already 7:45. By the time we find a parking space (way up on the 3rd level) & walk back to the boxoffice (which is outside the complex) it's just after 8:00. (AND he even got out & walked around the car to open my door for me after we parked. His Car Manners were perfect all evening -- another 10 pts. I know I already gave him 5 pts. for Car Manners. But even the rare ones who open the door for you getting in usually don't bother to open if for you to get out.) And of course/ there's a line in front of the ticket window. So we get on line & then we hear the ticket clerks telling people ahead of us that "Magnolia" is sold out! (Which is why I hate oging to the downtown muiltiplex. The seating sucks/& every time I try to catch a movie there on a Sat. nite/it's fucking sold out! But it was the only theatre in town showing "Magnolia" -- on only 1 screen/I'll bet.) And we both look at each other as if to say "So, now what?" Fortunately/the balmy FL weather has returned/so it's cool but not nippy out. And I consider wlking around downtown w/him. Maybe going for coffee. But I was really in the mood for a movie. So I suggested we catch a second-run movie at the $2.00 theatre over by my house. So off we went. On the way/we decided on seeing "The Thomas Crown Affair". But we got there @ 8:30 & the next showing wasn't til 9:45. So Marcus suggested we return to the scene of our original meeting -- i.e. the bar @ Appleby's -- & "have a bite". But I figured my drinking buddies wd prolly be there & I didn't want to have them eyeballing us all nite. Or getting faced & louding me -- which is what they do to each other when one of them shows up there w/a date. So I suggested we go to The Outback/which is right across the way. The bar there was packed. (That palce is always packed during the winter.*Every* place in a tourist town like Sarasota is packed during the winter.) But we got a table after not-too-long. I had a 'Rita & the coconut shrimp appetizer they have that I love. Which I shared w/Marcus. Who remaked that *his* version of coconut shrimp was far superior & he wd have to make it for me. (5 pts. for the unsolicited offer to cook for me.) He had a Dos Equis (sp?) and one of those Bloomin' Onion things/which I also love. And he offered me some/which I happily accepted. (10 pts. for that -- gotta like a man who shares his food on the 1st date!) And I quizzed him some more abt his being a private chef. Told him I was a huge Emeril fan & that I watched TV Food network almost daily. (Ditto for him on both counts.) I told him I cdn't believe people were willing to pay $750/wk. to have someone come to their house & cook for them. Cdn't they hire a full-time chef for less? And he explained that there was only 1 client that he charged $750 -- a family of 6. Both the parents are on the low-carb regime. One of the 2 teenagers is a vegan/& the youngest kid (age 4) has refused to eat anything but pizza -- even for breakfast -- for the last 3 mos. The Dad's a lawyer/the Mom is on a lot of boards & does a lot of charity work. (He says they're NY transplants too.) And they entertain at lot at home. So btwn cooking for guests & her crazy kids & the parents trying to stick to the low-carb thing/the mother was losing her mind. It made more sense for them to hire someone to come in just to make the meals. And Marcus knew them from previous cagtering gigs he'd done at their house. So viola -- he's been cooking for them & charging them big bucks for the lst 6 mos. His other clients are a retired couple who only live here from Nov. thru May/& a doctor couple w/no kids. He gets $500/wk. to cook for those 2 clients. And he said he'd decided against taking on another private gig after he interviewed another family (only 1 kid) on Friday. Says there's too much catering work around this time of year/which enjoys becuz "every nite is like the opening nite of a new play -- you've only got that 1 chance to get it perfectly right." And becuz he doesn't want to end up having too many private clients & giving them "shoddy service" becuz of his catering gigs. (So, good work ethic -- right?) Then/while we're waiting for the check/he goes over to the bar/speaks to the bartender for a moment/walks back to the kitchen & returns to our table w/a fat Mexican guy whom he introduces as Hector/one of the 2 chefs at The Outback. He introduces me to Hector as "his friend ___" & says he thought Hector wd want to know that I really liked his coconut shrimp. Then he says, "But that's only becuz she hasn't had mine yet!" And Hector says he remembers seeing me at the bar at Appleby's a few times in the past. (Cdbe true/but I didn't remember him.) And I ask if all the chefs in town know each other/like in NY. And Hector says "Only the good ones." And thry both laugh like it's some big inside joke. (Turns out Marcus used to work w/Hector @ The Outback when he 1st moved here.) So Hector goes back to the kitchen/Markus pays the check & we finally make it to the movies. Well... I had no idea the love scene in "The Thomas Crown Affair" was so hot! If I'd been watching it alone/I wd have enjoyed & appreciated seeing 2 good-looking/non-surgically enchanced/middle-aged actors sharing a steamy love scene. It was great to see some age-appropriate casting for a change. And it gives us older Sorabjians some good role models for when he hit our mid-forties. (But if I ever get to be as bony as Rene Russo/somebody pls. shoot me!) But watching Russo & Brosnan screwing all over the stairs in that fly townhouse was very discomfiting in the company of a man I barely knew...! And I really hated that see-thru black number she wore for the party scene. When you can see a woman's bush & the crack of her ass thru her dress/ that isn't sexy -- it's slutty. But the rest of her clothes were great. And as a remake/the movie stood up well to the original/becuz they didn't try to recreate the exact same story as the Steve McQueen-Faye Dunaway version. (Alhto' in the 1st heist/I thought it was ridiculous that he folds the painting in half to fit it into the briefcase. That wd've cracked the canvas for sure!) The chemistry btwn Russo & Brosnan was terrific. Even Denis Leary did a good job w/his small role. I gave it a solid B+. Marcus pretty much concurred. So we got back to my house @ 12:15 a.m. I was ready to go inside & call it a nite. But neither one of us cd shut up long enuf for me to get out of the car! So we sat in front of my house/listening to Nina Simone/& talked for almost an hour. (During the course of which I told him that I'd just lost my job. Which didn't seem to faze him. But we'll see...) Thinking back on that now/I remember times in the recent past when I was coming home from work or the bar & I'd see couples sitting in front of a house/talking in the car. And how I'd think to myself "That's dumb -- at least one of them must live here. Why not just go the fuck on inside & talk?" For the same reason you didn't go inside & talk when you got home from a great date in h.s .or college. Becuz nobody wants to risk Breaking The Spell. Becuz you're totally caught up in the moment & each other's company & neither of you wants the night to end... :) Then/as the CD finished/that big-ass owl that lives in teh woods behind my house came swooping past the streetlight at the end of the block & off into the trees/hooting loud enuf to wake the dead. And Marcus looks at me & says "So, is this the part where I'm supposed to wonder whether you'd mind terribly if I kissed you?" And somehow/my mouth did not freeze up & my eyes did not roll back in my head & my voice did not crack. And I managed a very snappy, "Well, how much I'd mind wd depend on how good a job you did of it..." 10 pts. for ME! And he look shocked for a half--second. Then burst out laughing. Then he got out & opened the door & told me I was "very clever". (I love how the Brits say 'clever'.) Then we got to the door & he surprised me again: "But you really shd let come in for a minute, since I haven't been properly introduced to Six. She'll think I'm snubbing her." (5 pts. for remembering her name. Becuz I don't think I mentioned her once after we left the house.) By now I had my key in the door. And my door is funny. It sticks/so you have to push it w/yr knee or foot to open it when you're coming in. And slam it to close & lock it when you're leaving. And for reasons beyond the laws of physics/you must turn the key w/yr left hand/or 8 times out of 10 it just won't open. All of which gives Six plenty of time to rouse herself from sleep & come to the door to greet me. And there she was/staring up at us & chirping hello as I opened the door. So it wd've been rude not to let Marcus in. Six briefly gave him the eye/then proceeded to lead me into the kitchen/ becuz she is a greedy bastard & only cares abt being fed as soon as I come in the house. [Somebody made the comment on another thread that their cat is bulimic. And I nearly peed my pants laughing/but then I realized that Six is like a bulimic dog. Instead of eating a little of what I put in her bowl/then going on abt her business & coming back for more later/she scarfs down all of it at once/just like dogs do. And then throws up 15 min. later. Which is why I have to feed her so often/becuz I can only let her have a little bit of food at a time. I had her checked & the vet said she doesn't have hariballs. Maybe she really is into binging-&-purging.] So I went abt the business of feeding my cat while Marcus leaned against my stove. (My kitchen isn't really big enuf for 2 people & a cat at the same time). And he made a point of introducing himself to Six. And bent down & scratched her behind the ears. Which she was oblivious to/becuz she was busy stuffing her face. So I can't really tell if she liked him or not. And I wondered to myself why us 2 chatterboxes seem to have nothing to say to each other now that we're in the house... Then I walk him to the door & say I had a great time. And he asks if he can call me tomorrow. And I tell him "You'd better call me tomorrow!" And he laughs. And I'm opening the door & saying goodnite. And he takes me by my upper arm/leans over/& kisses me squarely on the forehead. I thought my hair wd catch fire for sure. It was fucking PERFECT! The most perfect 1st date kiss you cd ever imagine! It sounds really stupid/but I *love* being kissed on the forehead. It's intimate but not provocative. Romantic but not leading. You can do it in public/even in front of yr parents/& not feel the least bit self-conscious. I've been kissed on the hand after a 1st-date. But that's not the same. I've had guys try to swallow me whole w/their 1st-date kisses -- which is always excruciating. I've had the usual peck-on-the-cheek-at-the-door 1st-date kiss. Which is cute if you like the guy/but if you don't it's like "Ho-hum...are we done now? " I've had plenty of 1st dates that ended w/out a kiss of any kind. Which is okay too. I'ts not a requirement or anything. But when I was in my teens & 20's/my Da used to kiss me on the forehead whenever I was really upset abt something & he needed to help me calm down. I remember when I 1st arrived in FL/my folks came to meet me at the Amtrack station/& I took one look at him & started balling like a baby becuz my Da had cancer. And he kissed me on the forehead & said "Hello, Daughter" & gave me a big hug. And I felt so much better. But I've never been kissed on the forehead by a guy on a 1st-date. 20 pts. for that! And I was grinning like the village idiot & blushing like a vigrin bride. So I shoved him out the door & said "Callmetomorrowgoodnite!" & slammed the door behind him. Before I lost it totally. So there it is. -------------------------------------------------- So the date itself was definitely splendiferous & fantabulous. An A+. Absolutely. But the weirdness is this: 1. During out talk in the car at the end of the evening/I found out that he doesn't have a proper home! He said that since he came to Sarasota 2 yrs ago/he's either been staying w/his chef buddy from his European stint/or housesitting. (I had asked where he lived/& he said he was "staying on Siesta Key" -- which is a ritzy beachfront community nearby. Which is what got me all-into-his-business/becuz no Blackfolks live on the Key. I doubt they even manage to rent there during the Season/becuz most of the swells are just that prejudiced. Every time I've been there & gone into town to eat or whatever/I've never seen a single Black face.) When he 1st came here to visit his boy Gary/he decided to relocate & never went back to London. All his stuff was in his flat & his Mom still lives in London/so he had her put everything in storage & send him his clothes & a few personal things. But the man is making,what? $1750 a week under the table? Plus another $200-300 a pop for each catering gig! He's got a BMW/but no permament address beyond a box at Mailboxes Etc.? Doesn't that sound a little non-kosher to you? Now/he did mention that he helps his Mom out w/his brothers & sisters (there are 4 of them still in London) becuz she's sick w/lupus & had to retire from teaching last year. But he earns enuf to be able to send a nice chunk of change home to Mom & still afford an apt. Or am I being unreasonable abt it being strange for a 28-yr-old man not to have a permament home? Not even w/a roommate? 2. The contacts thing is really bugging me. I asked him abt it/& he sort of sheepishly admitted that he thinks he looks "interesting" w/hazel eyes. Said they are prescription (can colored contacts be prescription?)/so since he had to have contacts anyway to see/why not get hazel? Claims he only wears them during the day/or when he's working...?? 3. Those locks. He wore his dreds loose when we went out & he spent the whole evening pushing his hair back out of his face/like a whitegirl. (No offense to those present/but some of yr folks -- male & female -- just can't keep yr hands out of yr hair.) Which *reeaaallly* fucking annoys me -- ESP. on a guy. If a man's hair keeps falling in his face/it's either becuz *that's* they style of cut he chose/or becuz his hair's too damn long in the 1st place. I kept wishing I had a scrunchy to offer him all evening. I wore my hair loose also. And it wasn't allinmyface. So/are these things a cause-to-pause for me? I dunno how appropriate it wd be for me to flat-out ask him why he hasn't got a place of his own after being here for 2 years. (He never really gave me a straight answer.) And the contacts thing makes me think he's rather vain. Which is a turnoff. But aside from that/I really dig this guy! He racked up, what -- 110 pts. minus 25 = 85 pts. [100 pts.= Perfection/i.e. Marry the Guy Immediately. Or at least Fuck Him Silly ASAP. (Which I will *not* be doing. But damn/wd I like to! I had one date where the guy scored a 90/but no one's even come close since then. And that was more than a decade ago.) And if he calls on Sun. & wants to hang out & isn't planning on watching the Stupid Bowl/I intend to see him again later today.

Post Script: So/he called today & we spent 3 hrs. on the phone. And yeah/he wants to see me again! But I gotta go -- I was s'posed to be at my folks house @ 5:00 for dinner! But I said I'd call him when I got back. We're planning to go to the beach/which shdn't be crowded/since everyone shd be home watching the Stupid Bowl. And he hates "American football!". 10 pts. for that! He said last year/he & some of his chef buddies got together for a Superbowl cook-off type thing. Said the food was great/but it was the most boring day he'd ever spent/even tho he'd never seen the Superbowl before. "A bunch of chefs getting drunk & hollering like hooligans at the t.v. So dumb!" So I gotta go! If I can get into the boards when Marcus & I get back/I'll let you know how Date # 2 went. And pls. -- post some commentary! I really need to know of this housesitting-for-2-yrs. thing is a Big Red Flag or not. And if he sounds like a Shark -- i.e. to suave to be true. I sure hope he's not a Shark or a Cad or a MacDaddy...

Yes, you can get contacts that are coloured as a prescription. Most contacts come tinted at least slightly blue--not noticeable in the eye, but helpful if they fall. If someone with bad eyesight wants different coloured eyes, it can be bundled into an all in one package. It sounds like he actually has bad eyes, as opposed to just wearing coloured contacts for vanity, which annoys me. I'd say let him off on that one for a bit, at least. I don't really see the point in changing eye colour, but I know plenty of people who dye their hair, etc--it's all the same thing.

Super Score R.C. and I have a red and a copper colored poets blouse,silk:)

I don't think colored contacts are a big deal. Playing with different eye colors doesn't really make you vain (and even if a did, a little vanity never hurt anyone). I love my eyes the way they are, but if I weren't so squeamish about contacts I'd love to try different colors. I'd like to see how I look with violet eyes. and the hair thing: I push my hair away or pull it back a Lot. It's a nervous gesture. Even when my hair's in a bun I still smooth my bangs back alot. I'm glad you had fun. He sounds nice.

Yeah. I used to drive people nuts fiddling with my hair. Now I stick it in a ponytail, so little bits slip out--endless oppurtunity for hair fiddling.

I've got tinted contact lenses - I have to wear 'em so why not have different colours? In NZ you can basically be a professional housesitter - moving around watering plants for people who decide to go overseas for six months - or get a transfer to the other island, so while that would bug me a little, it wouldnt be a major prob. I'd actually probably flat out ask him - maybe he's not sure if he wants to settle in the US, esp if his mums in England... anyway RC he sounds like a nice guy!

Sounds awesome R. C. Good luck with him. Hope the next time I go on a date it's as cool as that was!

R.C., I have to admit that I've always been fascinated by coloured contacts, and that I'm too vain to get them. That's right, too vain. I don't want people to know that I'm so insecure that I've exerimented with a different eye colour, even though my dark roots provide such a vivid contrast with my bleached to hell hair. It's like, you know, the hair is one thing...and I try to keep it obvious...but I would never want anybody to think I was TRYING to look like my eyes were naturally BLUE or something, for chrissakes. I take this to be a character flaw in me...think how much fun I could have if I would just give up on the notion of the natural and plop on a wig and some coloured contacts and stuff my 36-D bra into a 48-DD or something. Yeah. So, the contacts are a null value until you know more about what makes him tick. He may have a rich fantasy life in which he wanted to look more like the jungle cat he fantasizes he otherwise zoomorphically resembles. What DOES bother me is his ride. Too much flash. His ride and his clothes, combined with the no house-having. Bad combo. Again, though, not NECESSARILY. Give him a second date. See if he tries to maneuver you into the boudoir. Lots of guys who give great first date give it because they figure it makes you all wet and antsy for the second date. But give him that second date and make your best judgment. Only he knows the context of the choices he's made, so you'll have to rely on him for the info. But I bet your bullshit detector's pretty good. I really enjoyed reading about it, and would have loved to have gotten a Six-reading, too bad she's such a chow hound. Accents, though. A woman can forgive a lot for an accent. I don't know the history of ties, but I like them. I've always liked them. High heels don't serve much functional purpose, but I like them too (though I don't wear them often, mostly when intimidation is called for). Sem, it will get better. You know it will. You're emminently datable, despite the toilet picture.

[Sorry -- I was locked out all last nite & this morning. I tried the boards again 5 min. ago & cdn't get int. Then I went & deleted MS Outlook from my hardrive & voila! But I dunno if there's really a connection or not.] Sem: If you wear french cuffs on yr next date/I gar-uhn-tee it'll be as cool as that! (And he says he was named for his father. Him/his Dad & his grandfather -- all named Joyce. So ridiculous! But at least he's no a III.) Anyway/last nite was pretty much a bust. By the time I got home it was 6:30. (And no/I didn't tell the Parental Units abt my date. If he's still around in 3 mos/I'll tell them abt him.) We'd already missed most of the sunset & it was starting to get foggy. So we just yammered on the phone some more & made plans to catch "Magnolia" next weekend. And exchanged email addresses. I had an email from him when I signed on today. :) Sun. is basically his day off -- he said never takes jobs on Sundays. Mon.,Tues. & Wed. he's off playing private chef/Thrus. are his personal business days. Fridays are downtime if he has no catering gigs. Saturday's he usually caters. So I'll make sure I wash my hair on Saturday's now/instead of my usual Sun. :) It's cool & raining now. A perfect weather for cuddling on the couch & watching movies... But I don't wanna have him hanging abt my house just yet. Esp. since I wdn't feel comfortale going to wherever he's staying/becuz it's not *his* place. So I think we'll just do public venues for a while. He's too dreamy... The guy's gotta be an escaped serial killer or a child molester or something. But until the cops come for him/I intend to have as much fun as possible!

RC, i admit, i haven't read any one else's response, but i did read your original post. here is what i would suggest........call him, ask him out on a "free" date (i.e. a park, beach, hike, or something like that). do something that will not cost you anything, explain your situation casually. We all go unemployed from time to time, it's no biggie....you may find him making you dinner or taking you out. Guys don't mind paying for girls, it's just the blatent attempt many girls make to get the free ride.....you are not that type and i suspect after sometime, he could rest assured you indeed aren't a gold digger. But i don't think you should pass the opportunity simply becasue of money.......that would suck...

1. It's generally understood that when a girl plays with her hair in front of a guy, she's flirting with him. Maybe the same is true for guys? 2. Colored contacts -- I'm with you on the minus points for vanity, though it does indicate he pays attention to small details. That's a plus. 3. I'm kind of hung up on the car-door-opening thing. A) It seems overtly charming, too deliberate, and, is he going to try to do that for you all the time? B) To me, it implies an imbalance of power in the relationship. Which isn't necessarily a bad thing. Also, I overanalyze everything, so don't go by me. 4. On the whole, however, he sounds very interesting, personable, and worthy of your attentions. I hope things continue to go well for you. Make sure you tell us what you think of his cooking.

I agree that it's weird the guy drives BMW and has no place to call his own - what does he do with his stuff? You need to draw some more out of him. Although, I think it's alright for you to not have a job if he doesn't have his own place. What exactly are french cuffs? They sound expensive. I'm not even sure the girls I go for would have as much a clue as I do what they are either. One thing I heard about ties (maybe just a legend) is that Henry VIII started the custum of tying a piece of cloth around one's neck because he was too big to keep leaning foraward to grab his napkin. So, he tied a piece of fancy cloth around his neck and used that. And that's one reason why ties are fucking re-dickulous.

i went to a catholic high school and this guy used to tie his tie like a loose noose around his neck. he was my idol. this joyce guy sounds really awesome. very classy. i can't wait to here about r.c's next encounter... woah, he sure passed a lot of tests... it's so cool to hear each little detail picked apart... i love it. what an awesome, honest way to be. i agree with your coloured-contacts problem... i mean, that's gotta suck if his eyes were one of the first things you noticed 'bout him. but i believe him that it's just something that he wanted to do, y'know? and if he didn't wear them to go out with you then it's definitely not a vanity thing... i mean, he'd wanna look his best on the date, right? so if the contacts are purely for convenience (work) then the colour must just be because he felt like it, not cuz he wants to look cool. i bet writes very romantical emails.

I think it's kind of funny the contacts are still being discussed on these boards...anyway. He does sound neat, give him a shot--but I agree with most of these people. What's up w/the Beamer and no house?

Yeah, 2 years w/o your own place - either that's how this guy really likes to live or something's up. I mean, you have to have a spot to call home, right? Someplace you know is yours by right. Even if you pay rent, you're the person paying the rent, so it's your space. Hell, i lived on a friend's kindness for a month and it drove me nuts. But to each his own, I suppose. R.C. has the advantage on this guy that she has us to go to for advice and color commentary.

My beef w/the contacts is this: Hazel/green eyes are rare in blackfolks. Almost unheard of on dark-skinned Blackfolks. (My brother has blue-grey eyes/which he got from my paternal grandfather. But he's much paler than me. And girls have always commented on his "pretty light eyes".) Just as blue eyes are rare in Whites. So, why the fake eyes? What's Marcus trying to exxpres w/that choice? Everything I got on me is real. Maybe slightly altered for the sake of minor vanity -- yes/I will continue to color my hair/until it finally gets to be more grey than black. And grey hair really does 'age' a woman moreso than a man. But my actual hair is real/ even if the color is not. Didja ever notice no one w/real hazel or blue or green eyes ever gets dark brown contacts? Becuz dark brown eyes are consudered subtly 'less-attractive' than light eyes. But it's insane for a Black person to feel that way/when most of us possess dark brown eyes as part of our African bloodlines! I feel colored contacts are an attempt to create a fradulent impression that you possess a "desirable" trait. Not everyone is born beautiful/not everyone is born w/light-colored eyes. But the one thing that I've always found beautiful abt everybody is their eyes. (Except for Albinos -- sorry to insult any present/but pink eyes are gross. *Those* are the people who shd be getting colored contacts!) Blue/brown/voilet/green/hazel -- all eyes are like glorious marbles to me. And shd be valued equally. This guy has lashes at least an inch long/great skin/great teeth. I'm not w/the locks/but they're very well-groomed. So why does he feel 'inferior' abt having brown eyes? Esp. when those contacts ain't foolin' anybody. When I met him in the bar & remember saying to myself "Those eyes can't be real." But I forgot abt them later. And they weren't a major attraction. I'm trying to cut him some slack abt the housing thing/just becuz he's got a sister in nursing school in England that he's helping out/plus his Mom/plus 3 other siblings/that he sends $$ home for. (I think he said he's the oldest/the other brother -- the youngest -- is like 14. And the 3 sisters range from 25 down to 16. He & his sister are from his Mom's 1st marriage. After their father died/she remarried/had 3 more kids/then divorced some years ago.) I get the sense that he comes from a very traditional Carribean family/so his father's death (heart attack) means he wd naturally be expected to help support his family. But I dunno whazzup up w/his ex-step-dad. And even tho' he makes make a nice chunk of change under the table/he cd be living frgually in order to keep his expenses low so he can send them $$. But I also remember my father's step-mom & how domineering Carribean Sisters can be. I just hope he's not a Momma's boy... But the car thing *really* bothers me. Where'd he get the $$ for an M3 -- even used -- if he's practically supporting 4 siblings & his mother? And Sem: You know how yr the cuffs of men's dress shirts have buttons? Well/on a french-cuffed shirt/there's a slit on each cuff where the cufflinks go. Instead of buttons. I'ts a silly thing to like. Most girls prolly don't care. But I really go for french cuffs & cufflinks. Prolly from watching too many old movies as a kid.

Ok, that's what I thought they might be, but I wasn't sure. I guess those are pretty cool, but if you ask me, that's a bigger sign of vanity than color contacts. of course, I might wear a shirt with buttons once a week. i'm more a function over form guy, but then, so are most archaeologists, considering the places we usually work in. not that all have no fashion sense. my committee chair has a great sense of style. And i can get pretty snazzy when I need to. It's usually not worth the effort though.

Hmm...actually, I think brown eyes are incredible. It might be because mine are blue, though...I think there's more dimension in a darker eye than a lighter one. Um...anyway...er...I'll quit babbling.

SEM -- WHERE is that picture of you? Not the toilet picture/the other one? I think it was you in a library on campus w/another guy & a girl?

I noticed recently that my eyes appear to be getting lighter. I used to not be able to distinguish between the pupil and the iris, but now my irises are clearly lighter. I think I like this, because now they're not flat black anymore. There is precedence for this in my family: my grandfather used to have dark brown eyes, but now his eyes are a strange blue-green. And he doesn't have cataracts or anything like that. I'm not vain, either. I only noticed this when I was putting on my contacts. Which are not colored. Which I wear because glasses give me a headache. And I did try blue contacts on once at the doctor's office, and they looked really freaky. I don't think eye color should be messed with. Thinking about it makes me think of Nazi medical experiments. And I agree with R.C. in that light eyes are generally considered more attractive than dark eyes. But then, light skin is considered more attractive than dark skin, and light hair more attractive than dark hair, and now we're back to Nazi experiments again. But I was raised on stories of Nazi experiments, so don't pay me any mind.

I wear contacts too. Glasses drive me fair mad.

A blunt male perspective: The contacts are no big deal. Since you have to wear them anyway, why not play around with different colors? I've almost done it myself but I wear special lenses and at the time they didn't have them in the colored version. I think it's high-handed to attribute feelings of inferiority about brown eyes to him. "But my actual hair is real/ even if the color is not". Well, his actual eyes are real even if the color is not. Same thing. As for the house situation, that's the way he wants to live right now. You just have to decide if that's a deal breaker or not. If so, drop him. If not, then there's nothing for you to say, at least not for the next four or five dates minimum. You've been out on one date and want to change him already? Perhaps not, but that's the way it's going to seem to him if you press the issue on the second date. He's got his life together just the way he wants it. He doesn't need, and won't abide, someone nagging him over how they think he should live it. If you marry him, you've got a valid say in his housing. Until then, not. He will simply leave on this point. "it's so cool to hear each little detail picked apart." Maybe for some here. He won't see it as terribly charming. In effect, here's this guy with all of these attributes. Do you want the entire package or not? He sounds like a great deal going on. Or you can dump him and wait for a more ideal specimen to come along sometime. In the meantime, would you have a problem with him saying to a friend, "She's witty, charming, gorgeous, a perfect lady, dresses well, cooks a mean meal, great car, fantastic conversationalist, hates football, makes great money in an interesting job, sexy accent, and every romantic move is the right one. But I've got serious reservations: she's vain enough to color her hair, and I'm not big on her choice of house. Oh yeah, and she fiddled with her hair." Do you like him as is, at least enough to go out on a second date? If not, stop returning his calls, and don't torture him. I wear French cuffs on occasion and like them, but I wouldn't wear them with khakis. That's too much of a contrast between formal and informal to jibe well. Incidentally, they not only have a slit to take cufflinks, but the cuffs themselves are actually doubly long and fold up on themselves. I usually wear them with the tux, but I've got a couple dress shirts with them as well. They're the closest I come to considering clothes "fun". As for the origin of ties, I'm too ratassed right now to go into it, and this post is too long already. The short version: they came from Croatian soldiers in Paris. In fact the French word cravat comes from the word Croat.

I like my coloured contact lenses ; P

that's neat. about cravat. the french word "bistro" comes from russian soldiers in paris. ("a word that sort of sounds like "bistro" is russian for "quickly," which is what the russian soldiers told the cafe waiters all the time.) russian soldiers? maybe russian aristocrats. oh, false etymology? when the hell did russians occupy paris? my dictionary is saying that it's from an anjou dialect meaning "shepherd." hm.

Markus, you hit it pretty much on the head. But I wdn't *Dare* tell him all the stuff I speculate abt here w/you guys. That wd be suicidal. This is just Girl Talk cum Code Breaking w/a little Moral Support thrown in. Becuz I literally haven't been involved w/anyone is soooo long. And contrary to what Margret thinks/I am a *terrible* judge of character. Becuz I pretty much take whatever someone says or does at face value. I'm not "game tight" as Swine wd say. (Where is he anyway?) I figure if I hang out w/him long enuf/the housesitting thing will come up naturally/& I can ask him if he doesn't feel uncomfortable not having his own place w/his own things. (To me/that's the whole point in spending time w/someone at their home: To see them among their own things/see what books they read/how they keep house/whether or not they have pets/etc.) He is only 28 (*sigh*) so having a proper home might not be a big deal to him at this point. I suspect the cufflinks are becuz he was raised in London/where even young men men dress-to-impress much more so than Americans. Meaning I don't think he did it for me -- I think he's just a french-cuffs-&-cufflinks kinda man. Anyway/he emailed me a while ago just to say g'nite. And that he was looking forward to seeing me again soon. :)

Well, he sounds like a much better man than the likes of us. Just go with it, keep it casual, and don't overanalyze it.

Whoops.

WHY do men always think we're "overanalyzing' things when we talk abt what happens on a date? If it were the Stupid Bowl/or a basketball game/wd you think it strange or out-of-order for me to be examining every play? Well/dating is *my* version of contact sports. And I am thrilled to finally have some plays to give Color Commentary on! So don't go raining on my half-time show!

i think women *can* look more into things....over analyze......not that certain men can't. But women, it seems to me, have amore dire need to connect, to understand a man, at least in the beginning. just yesterday, a new friend we met, and english girl, cute as a button, bubbly, and sweet, with a freaky old hindu temple for a house, has a crush on angry sams brother. this guy has that effect. he one night stands and then they go nuts. I have seen it happen so many times. last night she confided, she felt really insecure, she was trying really hard to connect with him. Looking really deeply into his actions, when to me, they meant nothing. i told her to relax a bit. This type of insecure behavior can send a guy running. take it easy..let things happen, be aloof, mysterious, have fun and keep SOME feelings at bay and discreet...don't throw your cards down just yet..it easy to dive over, call it bliss and hit the water hard.....anyway...thats a chardonnay rant for ya. my eyes are green. very green. they have been blue, very blue at times. or so i have been told by a sober 3rd party.....apparently they change with either mood, weather or health. I can't figure it out. Have they(researchers) ever concluded why people's eye color temporarily change, drastic or not????

I didn't mean don't discuss it, just don't attach significant meanings to small pieces of information.

i love cuff links i have a friend who's eyes are blue but turn green when he's upset my eyes are blue- i tend to think it's a bit boring, actually. my mom always told us how much she liked brown eyes.

my eyes turn yellow when i'm upset. and my hair grows faster. same thing happens when i'm on acid. overanalyzing a relationship is nothing like overanalyzing a football game. football games don't matter. unless, of course...

within this thread are the very reasons why i don't bother going through the motions of "courting" anymore. if you have a penis, it's pretty much a sucker's game. cycling through women who are infatuated with you allows you to deal with a far lower "bullshit factor" and is much more in synch with my interests, anyway. send me Joyce's e-mail address. he and i should talk.

RC-----for Christs sake "IF IT SOUNDS TOO GOOD TO BE TRUE,iTS NOT TRUE", where's your radar girl? This guy sounds like bad news.There are proffesional leeches out there,preying on the unsuspecting.Think about the line of crap he fed you! Makes big bucks, but no home,that doesn't jive no matter how you add it up.There is an age difference,[which wouldn't matter if this guy had a home],but sends up BIG warning flags because he doesn't.The car,the contacts, the[phoney?] accent, the french cuffs,not one ,but 2 earrings,doesn't like football[did you possibly mention that you don't like football,and he went with it?],I bet if you told him you liked to dance naked in the full moon in a toadstool ring,he'd say he'd done it,too. He seems a little to accommodating,please be wary. The almost very same situation your describing happened to a nurse I worked with.To make a long story short,he watched over her shoulder when she was at her at her ATM,or found her bank numbers,and COMPLETELY cleaned her out.You may be thinking you don't have much,but these kind of giggalo's[sp?] are ruthless.He just doesn't add up.Don't let us see you on Oprah,God knows theres always shows about poor women who have been duped by these creeps.I hope I am wrong, but please,please be very careful. Do you know anyone who could "check" him out?Maybe you could follow him[discreetley].You're probably thinking I'm going overboard,but there have been many cases where these type of guys[and women] have actually killed for small amounts of money.Even if he just wants a "free" place to stay,you don't need to be saddled with his type. Please,please check him out.

Footnote to the above post:The guy that robbed my nurse friend still hasn't been found,he had also beat her,her cousin had thrown him out while they were visiting in Houston,when she realized she'd been robbed and went to the police,she found out that he was useing a fake name and was wanted in 3 states for more or less the same thing.If you could have heard her talk about him,he just sounded like Mr. Wonderful.Too good to be true,and it turned out he wasn't.

if you find anyone worth spending a lot of time with run- because there must be something really wrong with them. it is only safe to go out with the people that you don't want to. nevermind, they're not safe either.

HEY BABY I'M SAFE. OH YEAH.

you people are all paranoid. except for markus. just go with it, he'll either break your heart or it will work out. it's a total crapshoot, and either way you gain something from it in the long run. even if it's only a couple of good dates.

i was being facetious but i'm not very clever

My point was to be cautious.There are bad people out there,and I sincerely hope he's not one.The no home thing really bothers me------I make $750.00 a week, but don't have a place to live?????????? [maybe I just bum off of unsuspecting friends and women}

Yeah, be cautious, but what are the chances he's an axe-murderer or a robber or a rapist??? Very close to nil. He sounds like a nice guy -- give him a chance for chrissake. He probably just doesn't care about where he lives. I know lots of single guys like that -- they could easily afford a mortgage on a $150K house in the burbs, but prefer their old dumpy apartment while they're single. So do I, as a matter of fact. Also, could be that he thinks living like he does would make it easier to move in with the woman of his fancy should the opportunity present itself and the feeling be mutual...

heather, i knew you were being facetious. you may remove your name from the paranoid list, if you would like.

anyone who can buy but "prefers" to rent is retarded. thank you.

It's true. I know that renters get to leave responsibility for things like a new fridge to the owner, but then again--they basically buy the house if they live there long enough anyway. If it's an "I'm not sure I'll like the house" issue, lease with option to buy!

we would buy now, but we have to much credit card debt. i want to have as clean of a slate as possible...oh yeah, i would like to make a substantial downpayment too. oh yeah and LA real estate is just too damn expensive. i have been reading Dharma Bums as of late and after my trip up the PCH to Big Sur and to Big Bear, nate's situation is becoming more and more desireable. but then again, some of the houses in the hollywood hills are amazing. I was at one this weekend. It had three levels, being slammed into the side of steep hill. It was like one big tree house, with all of the intricate stair work. the house itself used to be some sort of temple, at least the lower level anyway. It had an elevated area for the alter (which was now where the bed sat, appropriately). the windows were, not sure of the architectural term (heather i am looking at you..), but tall and narrow and came to a point at the top, as were the doors.....fucking neat place, but she said she had felt spirits there at times..........but oh yeah....if you can buy, do it....i am just kinda of anal and want everything ideal when i put the shackle on

i'll be paranoid, but i want my own list patrick looked at me! ummm... neo-gothic?(windows)

It sounds like a neat house...pretty...

thats sounds appropriate.....you are an architecture graduate right? i had a brief stint in a history of architecture class from the Baroque to the present. fascinating stuff, and there are terms for constructions like that. I will refer to my book when i get home and report back. yes sir! ah wait, here http://www.tulane.edu/lester/text/Gothic/English.Gothic/English.Gothic6.html shapped like this entranceway........ byt the way, i was going through that site, what a great resource, outlining the major periods and highlighting the exapmples with pictures... http://www.tulane.edu/lester/text/lester.html

i had $17K credit card debt when i bought my house. ain't no harm in trying to get a mortgage. and you can always sell your house once you've bought it.

I'll be in a position to buy at the end of this year. Can't wait. As Nate says, it's the smartest financial thing the average person can do.

but nate, doesn't that affect your leverage when bargaining for a good rate?

Unless you move around a lot. If can land a job with some degree of security, go for it, i suppose. Sometimes renting is the best option. I don't see myself buying a house within the next five years. Maybe at the end of the next ten. Right now I can barely even think about buying a car,much less a house. The closest photo online I could find of me with a girl in what could be construed as a library is this, and it's probably not what you're thinking of, R. C.

OK, so Nate thinks I'm retarded for renting. I'll definitely lose sleep over that tonight. My point to RC was that just because he doesn't have his own place does not make him an axe-murderer, that he might have a perfectly good reason to bunk down with friends -- maybe he's saving up for a down payment on a gorgeous house on the water or whatever. Cut the guy some slack.

RC, great to hear your pops is doing well. Also, when you can't get in through the homepage of sorabji.com, he's probably working on it and has it offline. Go to http://bbs.sorabji.com/cgi-bin/strangle/board-newmessages.cgi and bookmark it and you should be able to get into the message boards even when the homepage doesn't come up.

a friend of mine is going to rent. he's been a millionaire since birth, and he also got a cs degree and a high-paying tech job (which he recently quit because he hated it). he bought his house without bothering with a mortgage, and now he is going to sell because he doesn't feel like dealing with the hassles of being a property owner anymore. he's sick of feeling guilty for not keeping up the yard, painting, etc. he would genuinely prefer to rent. (I think he's waiting to get another wife to do all the home bookkeeping and contractor-appointment making and home-improvement shopping for him.) and he doesn't want to buy a condo because all the times I went shopping with him, everyone else at the open houses were awful smug trim young couples you would never want to have to see or talk to, especially not at home. it's not necessarily stupid to make all your choices based on how you can collect the biggest heaps of money. oh never mind. I guess for normal people it is. yesterday I started answering the phone with "what fresh hell is this?"

I said something wrong. it's not necessarily stupid NOT to make all your choices based on how you can collect the biggest heaps of money. but maybe I need better rich role models. my financially successful friends, some of whom are fucking swimming in it, are even more pathetic and sad than poor me. I talked to one of them the other night. I got pissed. he said he wanted to donate a bunch of money to some charities without getting on their mailing lists. so he went to the bank and got $10,000 in cash IN ONES and doled them out. he and his friend dressed in suits and dark glasses, and brought a few bags of cash to some random planned parenthood clinic. just what an abortion facility needs -- some strange guys showing up in dark glasses and some canvas sacks. god. and giving it out in thousands of one-dollar bills. just to be dramatic. what a pain in the ass. his response to my complaint was, of course, well what have you done for abortion rights lately? NOTHING. I will probably never give $3,000 to planned parenthood, as great as I think they are. but I guess the rich and bored will always get to take the moral high road.

Thanks for everyone's concers, Swine: You'll EHF before I give *YOU* his email address! Czarina: I doubt he's a gigolo. His refs are too easy to check. Today I called the manager @ Outback & they verified he'd worked there 2/yrs. ago. Which checked out time-wise. And if he were just a user/he'd pick a woman w/more $$ than moi. He's asked me to do him a favor on Thurs: he's putting his car in the shop for maintenance/& he wants me to drive w/him to pick it up. And bring it back to where he's staying. So I'll get to see where he lives. ;)

Nate: Not to be all-in-yr-business/but you must be making even more than *I* thought you must be making to land a mortgage w/17k of outstanding credit card debt! (What -- did you find a crack dealer who takes plastic?)Pay off that bill, homes! Granted/the only reason I own a home is becuz I'm damn lucky to have generous parents. But they always taught to aviod paying interest on anything that will not appreciate in value. So I wd stick w/Patrick's plan: Pay off yr (non-tax-deductable) plastic debt ASAP before assuming a mortgage. Mortage interest is deductable. Plastic interest is not. Plus/remember that our Nate lives in NoCal/one of the priciest & hottest real estate markets on Earth. Buying a house is easy/if youv'e got a decent income & resonably good credit. But selling that same house in a timely manner when you're ready to move on is no guarantee. There's no tellin what the market in yr area will be like when you'r ready to sell. And having to take a loss just to unload yr house hurts. Which often happens if people sell w/in a few years of buying/becuz they have so little equity. I can think of a couple of reasons why The Chef wdn't want to saddle himself w/a mortage pymt. at this point in his life. People who relocate a lot don't have to be "retarded" becuz they prefer to rent. But anyway/this thread of taking way too long to load (my fault/totdally/but still..) So any who wish to follow along on R.C.'s current foray into the Wild World of Romance can do so here: http://bbs.sorabji.com/messages/139/3558.h tml?TuesdayFebruary120001118pm

Don't tease me, Dorothy.

I didn't get here in time to say this when it was the topic, but I'll say it anyway: it's not overanalizing, it's relishing. When I tell people nice stories about me and some boy I include as many details as I can remember. it's nice to be back in the moment.

oh yeah, i know all about credit card debt. i haven't used a credit card in 6 months, at least. i racked that and more up when i first entered the work force. now i warn everyone i know not to use those little tools of the devil. of course, i think plenty of people warned me. you just never listen. NO ONE EVER LISTENS. they just sit and overanalizing. overanalizingoveranalizing gee? analizing?

analizing-the act of putting an object of great popular scrutiny up your ass. (i.e i am analizing this credit card. charge this analized card muthafucka!)

I repeat: overanalyzing is not recounting numerous details, it's attaching undue significance to those details in the absence of any corroborating information.

she was talking about overanalizing. that has to do with putting it in the ass too much.

Markus, I would like to thank you for spelling analyze correctly. Unless all of you were referring to some rectum-related process on purpose.

thank you nate for that clarification.

it was for marcus.

Uh, I don't think "retarded" would be the correct term. "Domiciliary challenged" seems a little more appropriate.

i know

I think the correct term is mentally challenged,with owning your own place your responsible for all the up-keep,with renting the owners have to do the repairs.That,s why I,ll be so happy when my rental house is sold.

thank you nate for that clarification.

you're welcome. anytime.

"silver you will be late""i no mom"yeled silver "silver you have to walk to school today" "but mom......why?" "your sister is having a fit and dos'nt want to go to school" "then tell daddy and he can dell with it" "no he is sick and will not if i asked hem you no how he is" ya i no" silver gets to school "hi silver you look bad like a cow" a fuwe snicers whent arownd the room "fred be nice" "mr.killsten i dont fell so good" to be continued in 1 days or later

hopefully after consulting your friendly neighborhood Webster's...

today I farted in front of my old crush and he found out he ran away during the project when I farted. after I farted he sat on the othrer side of the project.Whahat do I do to get him to like me again.

today I farted in front of my old crush and he found out he ran away during the project when I farted. after I farted he sat on the othrer side of the project.Whahat do I do to get him to like me again.