| THIS IS A READ-ONLY ARCHIVE FROM THE SORABJI.COM MESSAGE BOARDS (1995-2016). |
|---|
My girlfriend and I have been together for a little over 3 years. She suffers from Vaginismus which means I have not had sexual intercourse during that time. She gives amazing head and can be quite sexual so I survive from that, but I really rely on masturbation. I came to a point about a 1 1/2 ago where I stopped wanting to fool around with her since we would build ourselves up and then that POINT where you know you want to make love and I couldn't. I can't thrust my hips I can't finish the course. So it is easier for me to not even get to that point. So I just jerk off and avoid the issue. Maybe twice a month we will be passionate. I am also not very affectionate with her and can sometime be really mean and hurtful. This stems from the sex, or lack there of. But it also stems from me not being as fully in love with her as I was my ex (whom I am still not over). Both of us are very honest and open about everything which is good cause we get this shit out in the open but I never permanetely change my behaviour. there is more to all this but I don't feel like writing 3 years worth of baggage. You have a general idea now. Well 2 weeks ago I up and went to a college 30 min north of here to visit two friends (girls). I told my girl and she was quite cool. She was not worried about me. SO I went north and she went to a concert that we were both supposed to attend (a friend was playing, I had seen him before. Well she ends up meeting the guitarist for the band after and they hit it off. So I get back home 2 days later and she tells me about him and they carry on phone and IM correspondence everyday. Sometimes 3 hours on the phone. Well I know she needs and wants the attention. Attention and affection that I don't always giveher. Plus I am her first so she also has that baggage. Well this guitarist who is also in a 3 year relationship invites my mate up to "northeast city" since his girlfriend is out of town. I tell Her to go and do what she wants. We both knew she would end up cheating on me. She had trouble leaving but she did. I was here alone for two days while she gave and recieved head from another. I thought I could deal with it but I am finding it very hard. I told her to tell me everything that happened between them. It is not like a fling that she could keep quite and me not ever know about. I knew it was happening. I knew when they were doing it. So yesterday morning she told me what happened. Then she had last night to spend with him and it happened, of course, again. I know what shape his cock is. I know he is better at giving her head then I am. I made her tell me these things. I don't know why. We are young 22 and 23. "It is better to regret things you have done then regret things you haven't" Right? She still loves me. I still love her. I am also jealous. While she was experiencing someone new I was torturing myself. While she was being spooned by another I was alone in our bed. Thinking about them. I haven't eatin in a day and a half. I was at the Gov't Mule concert last night. A four hour concert and I new what they were doing while I was there. I couldn't stop my mind from battering my emotions. ughhh.....This post probable makes no sense but I don't want to reread it and edit it. I just wanted to get some things off my chest. She leaves in a few hours. I will see her tonight. I want to slap her. I want to kill myself. Seriously pictured it last night. I want to honor my words in that I told her to go. I told her to enjoy herself. I don't know why. Maybe cause now i can go fuck someone, getting what I NEED, with out having guilt. Cause I will be paying her back. Fuck life is hard. I am an idiot y'all. She is an amazing girl and I am throwing her away. James |
All I can truly say is good luck, whichever way it goes. |
end it. and move on. asking to know all the details was just foolish. thats just shooting yourself in the foot. |
Vaginismus is a psycological fear of penetration which after a while it becomes physical because the muscles become so tight and taught. When that happens you have to stretch them and losen them with dilators that progress in size to ultra-sound to help relax the muscles. This can be caused by sexual abuse, having a child, in our case from what we(my girl, me, her mom)have hypothesized that she never wanted to grow up. I'll post more when I get back from work and have thought things out more. |
i feel foolish. when i saw this, i thought you were being facetious with some made up term. understood. |
|
ps...you fucked up. |
|
|
"I tell Her to go and do what she wants." as an invitation to cheat. please. thats absurd. if she wants to cheat, she should just leave him. hell...nico asks me things like that i say absent-mindedly say "yeah sure, whatever you want"...i wouldnt expect her to take that as a invitation carte blanche to cheat. lets not refocus blame here missy. |
Did anyone else follow that part? Did she and the guitarist have "penetration", or just oral??? |
goddamn, it's the easiest part of the story to understand |
getting what he wants. Break the fuck up already. It's pretty obvious. If she can't relax enough with you to control the vaginismus or however it's spelled, it's probably partly due to the fact you aren't affectionate with her at other times. If you can't be affectionate with her in a non-sexual way, well, tough. Why torture yourself? Go try to find someone who likes intercourse and have a happier life. Why does it take someone like ME to point this shit out? |
|
Damn, so that's what's giving me yellow teeth. I thought it was smoking. I'm so relieved! |
|
|
But shit did she really have to do it. Fucking hell, while I was home alone thinking about it. Well she did so now I have to come to whatever terms I need to come to. She got home last night. We cried a lot and talked and have come to absolutely no specific thought. She is still the same person. She sat on the couch and ate a brownie as per usual. She hasn't changed. She has just been with another guy. And from a different view point she has matured and grown from it. All she had known was me and I do contend that no relationship can really thrive if either or both parties have regrets of things they didn't do. I have regrets as it is that I have missed out on the "prime" sex years of my life. But hopefully she will start to work on her problem. Going to counseling and actually starting her exercises. She says she wants to. She says she only confirmed how much she loves me and how "beautiful I am. Convienent I know but there really can be truth in that. to clear up anything she is sexually liberated. She just can't have intercourse or anal (but that is cause she doesn't like the feeling). Everything else is fine and none of it is taboo. she never wanted to grow up when she was going through puberty. She didn't want her period or breasts and she mentally fought not to get them. That is where her problem lies or so we have all come to that conclusion. It is up to her to make the decision to face her fear of sex now. SHe has come into her own as a woman in all aspects of life accept for insertion. Her dependence on her parents has virtually gone. Some of it disspersed onto me. But I depend on her as well. Anyway she has overcome a lot of her hangups. Shit she just cheated on me. I am still scattered. I go from forgiving her to wanting her to hating her to wanting to slap her. I think I will be able to deal after this initial emptiness. Idealistically, which is sometimes probable, we will become stronger and closer. Semillana, we are not getting what we want but does that mean we should break up? I don't know. It is something we are dealing with now. Since I can't talk to any of my friends about this I am glad I can post here in a interestingly theraputic way. I am also thankful for the comments. I apologize for any fragmented bizarre illogical sentences I write. |
wait....so she has had ongoing psychological problems (so bad its affected her physically) of never wanting to grow up, yet she's grown by blowing another guy? do you see how ridiculous that sounds? You have not missed out on the "prime" of your sex life. What a load of poop. That whole crap about women at 30 and men at 18 is not always accurate and gets more merrit that it deserves. Sexual prime is more than just hormones. Sexual prime is confidence, lack of inhibitions, and comfort. Things that the both of you are lacking. Maybe breaking up isnt the right thing, but perhaps you should step back for a while. Let her sort things out, see how much you really want each other. Seperation makes the heart grow fonder? Or does it? |
"Or does it?" ? |
and in this instance they aren't? I dunno, would seperation be for the better. Would it make you grow fonder or would she be finding her self indulging her curiosities even more? Im asking you. |
in this instance they are I am not sure what seperation would do for us. We are probably going to be forced in a few months to see what happens. Job situations will most likely seperate us in August. And then again maybe not. We will just have to wait and see. Seperation will probably allow me the opputunity to feel the independece I am wanting. Living by myself again, worrying about myself, etc.... I am very selfish and that is part of our problem. echhh life.... I am unclear how I would actually feel if we seperated. We would both move on, probably. And then again maybe I will realise all that I have taken for granted and want her back. And maybe it will be too late. Maybe not. In my life, in all aspects, I always think the grass is greener on the other side and from my experience it usually isn't. Well maybe for a few months and then another grass is appealing. One thing to be happy about is I can look back on this thread next year and update the situation. It will be humurous I expect. |
|
|
but that doesn't bother me, the fact that she might at some point. I know it will not be anytime soon. we all have urges. is it right to stifle them? is my problem that I knew about it? would it be better if I never knew? hummmpphhhh |
Some time to sort things out might not hurt. |
she's looking for affection and confirmation elsewhere that she's not getting from you. |
this instant prolonging things will only make it worse especially if either of you is developing ANY resentment [and i suspect you both are] clean the slate if you use her sex issues as a way to justify not treating her as well as you should- and she uses her inability to have sex as a way to make sure that no relationship is really complete, you should separate and look at why |
|
moment. |
|
I can barely handle one at a time. |
|
|
|
|
And,you're already a fool. |
Im going to share my story with you because I am going through a similiar situation. When I read your story I could identify with you and it was comforting to know that someone is feeling the same emotions as me and I am not going crazy. I have been with my boyfriend for five years and we have been through hell. He stoppd being affectionate with me and that also later led to him not wanting to be sexual with me and vice versa. I felt so alone and inadequate. I wanted him to desire me and want me so bad. Therefore, I would act out for other guys attention. Things continued this way for years all the while I was needing the affection more and more and feeling more inadequate to the point where I was very bitter. I would push the envelope and give guys kisses on the cheeks, hold their hands, and hug them all in front of my boyfriend. I wanted to say non verbally WAKE UP someone else wants me and desires me!!! If you dont want me then someone else will. Finally last month I was so tired of it all I broke things off with him. Then a week later we are at the same party and he is flirting with another girl in front of me and being very obvious with his feelings about her. Then they disappear. Later he confesses that they messed around but he wants me back. Stupidly I have taken him back but i cant get over it. How could he deny me affectionately and sexually and then go do those things with someone else. I to am spinning out of control emotionally. One minute I want to die and the next I love him. One minute I hate him and the next he is the one I want to marry. I guess to sum it up all i have to say is that life is hard and rarely fair. I dont know if i am gonna be able to get over it and move on. Sometimes ppl dont deserve forgiveness. I am trying to love myself enough to get rid of him and move on. No one desrves to feel the pain of being cheated on. Nothing is worse than feling betrayed and not wanted. I hope that every day I will get over it and I dont. All I can say is that I am still struggling and so far it hasnt got easier but I will listen if u want to get out your pain. |
I think what You did is much closer to cheating. |
Fuck. |
|
|
Listen, hang in there. Life's too short, so go out and have a great time. You never know who your going to meet, so go take a chance. :) Remember....Once a cheater, always a cheater! |
moreover, anyone looking for comfort on a BBS is entirely suspect. so you know eat hot fuck |
|
|
|
and fuck the next four years fuckall |
sounds like he did to you exactly what you did to him: used his sexuality to hurt the person he's supopsed to care about. or are you going to act like your overt flirting was not an attempt to hurt him? you don't mention anything about trying to talk to your boyfriend. how hard did you try to communicate with him before you started "acting out"? Perhaps there are reasons why he stopped wanting you. Maybe he's going through his own shit, and it has nothing to do with you. Or maybe his feelings for you have just changed, and he's too chickenshit to admit it. In any case, acting like a child to get his attention and then crying foul when he does the same thing, is bullshit. if you want someone to comfort you, go talk to your friends. if you want an objective opinion, please keep coming back here. |
|
|
You have so many relationships in this life, But only one or two will last. You go through all the pain and strife, Then you turn your back and they're gone so fast. Oh yeah. They're gone so fast. Oh, so hold on to the ones who really care, In the end they'll be the only ones there. When you get old and start losing your hair, Can you tell me who will still care? Can you tell me who will still care? Oh care. Chorus: JIZZmop, ba duba mop ba do mop, Ba duba mop ba do mop, Ba duba mop ba do. Oh yeah, JIZZop ba duba mop ba do mop, Ba duba mop ba do mop, Ba duba mop ba do Oh yeah, in an JIZZop they're gone. Yeah. Plant a seed, plant a flower, Plant a rose, you can plant any one of those Keep planting to find out which one grows. It's a secret no one knows. It's a secret no one knows. Oh, no one knows. JIZZmop, ba duba mop ba do mop, Ba duba mop ba do mop, Ba duba mop ba do. Oh yeah, JIZZop ba duba mop ba do mop, Ba duba mop ba do mop, Ba duba mop ba do Oh yeah, in an JIZZop they're gone. Yeah. |
|
Have a great day! |
|
Yeah, hardly anyone else has ever experienced that. You are alone in the world. "...sometimes objectivity is cold." And usually narcissism is impossible to deal with. You might, one day, figure that out. |
|
Take care. |
typical. your story is old. i for one am not going to support you in that. yes it hurts. walk further and it will get better. |
|
|
|
so many exciting options! -cheat on her *first*! this is a big favorite. -follow her diligently and don't forget to watch her while she sleeps in case she is visited in the night [remember mary]. -ask her to wear a chastity belt, it's very popular with the straight edge crowd i hear. -be virgins once again! together! -epoxy holds anything! and you can get it at your local hardware. -drink to forget my friend. drink to forget. it's a cruel cruel world...never forget it. wait, that's not right. anyway, forget about it. |
|
|
|
THANKS NICHOLE!!!! I wish you all the best in life and I hope you find true happiness for yourself. I know it will happen, cause you have a very kind heart, it's obvious through your posts. Take care and God Bless..:) ps...I still wish you would stay. |
|
|
|
|
and moreover nichole...there are some tremendously educated people on this bbs, so shut your self-centered whine hole. you dont really know what or who you're talking about. did that fucking short bus stop out front again? |
|
|
|
and moreover nichole...there are some tremendously educated people on this bbs, so shut your self-centered whine hole. you dont really know what or who you're talking about. did that fucking short bus stop out front again? fuck dodi. fuck nichole. fuckitall |
|
|
|
|
much funny nowhere to start |
|
dodi, witheven seeing what you are saying, let me pose the possibility that NO ONE other than your troll V and now the new twit of the month Nichole can read what you say. Do you get that? Wait....dont answer, it wont matter. |
I'm thrilled that I actually made you all change this message board, whether you think it's good thing or not, I made the change. CHEERS TO DODI!!!! |
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
is there anything to do in nz? what are some good cities? I want to travel far far away, but to an english speaking country. |
They ran her off and that upsets me. Oh well.........I'm not going anywhere. |
|
|
Still, it may be time for Mark to step in though, for the sake of the folks who can't filter the jizz. It may be keeping away some of the people who normally post and don't want to wade through all the cum. |
And yes, the jizz is old, and I too worry about our absent friends. |
Hee hee! Mark won't step in. He doesn't do that. I sometimes wonder if he even still reads any of this. |
Heather/Hitler/highschool education heh heh |
|
moment" What happened to that one? |
If you paid any attention to the people here or the boards you would see how insulting and revolting your and V's comments are. I guess it says something about you if you can be friendly with someone who has a huge fucking danger sign flashing above his head with his dodgy fucking beating up animals posts and insulting comments.I don't understand how when V calls you a troll you let that go yet you can't get past anything else anyone says on this board. Your constant spamming is not doing you any favours. I am pmt=ing really really badly. Is it obvious? Gee, I am in Christchurch, there are basically four main centres in chch and lots of little towns inbetween. We like Canadians. i have friends in Auckland and Wellington (two cities in the North island), so whereever you decide to go I can hook you up with some people. Its all lovely, but I think ChCh is the best (of course i have lived here for a long time, so that may have something to do with it). |
I am so dying to go far far away. I think I want to escape from my life for a while. and my main job provides me with a week of paid vacation around christmas. let's have an impromptu sorabjifest in the UK. where does dodi live? |
HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHHAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA! |
|
|
|
I laugh. |
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
Man, I'm so glad that I don't have that problem (anymore). I did years ago, but now, I sleep like a baby. |
|
|
|
|
Maybe you should take something for it, or perhaps, don't work so much. :) |
|
|
|
|
|
My friend just asked me to paint something in her bedroom, so we're discussing that right now. It won't be very big, so it won't take me too long. I'm doing some stuff to my own house and I'm having fun. Thanks for all the encouragement.......:) |
|
|
|
|
|
There's families out there that want a child, so why not give them a gift of life. |
|
|
|
|
Dodi, you're new here, so I will try not to banter against you too harshly, cuz you do appear to be sticking around, and genuine in what you say. Understand that there are many people here who disagree with you on things. We all disagree on things. What I intend to do from this point on is to be your "teacher" as it is called in my religious circles. Offer another point of view in a way that you can understand and ask questions to help you think things through a different way. It is a good help in determining if you believe what you do based on what you have been taught, or whether you have worked these things completely through in your own mind. It is easy to believe something without thinking it through possibly. So challenging thought is going to be my quest with you. It's the greatest form of personal growth in my opinion. Some questions for you? If abortion is a selfish decision, is it selfish if you know that your life is on the line, you are already a single parent, and you do what you do to save your life so you can continue to be a parent to the child you already have? You do a favor for a friend in need, not because they deserve it as they have made their own bed by making bad decisions, but they are stuck in a pickle and you decide to help them anyways cuz they really need it and you will feel better knowing you did try to help them. You helped them because it would make YOU feel better as a person.....is this selfish? I will think of more related later, but right now my mind is distracted by the things going on around here, life in general. |
|
a fetus, by scientific terms, *IS* indeed a parasite. The very definition of one. A classic example of a parasitic relationship. Just because you can't deal with that does not make it wrong or any less accurate. Having kids is also selfish. Not any less selfish than having an abortion. |
|
|
|
Smile!:) |
|
|
|
|