Everytime an attractive woman sits next to me at a meeting repeatedly at work, I always think of reasons why I shouldn't make any conversation with her or even get to know her a bit. This has happened on several different occasions with different women. I consider them to be pretty, perhaps prettier as a female than handsome I am as a male, if you know what I mean. While I can't be totally sure they are sitting next to me on purpose, in the past the girl would be applying make up (when only one other person was in the meeting when people were just starting to come in), making gestures, asking questions, etc. I could go on but I hope others will know where I'm coming from by now. What holds me back is that I am literally afraid to talk to these girls because there is another guy on the job("R") who has been my rival for the past few years. He is considered the boss' favorite, makes a helluva lot more money than me(or at least I think that's the case), has been known to have "had" loads of women both on and off the job. He has a lot more power than me and I suppose can get people jobs and access to jobs and other goodies. He's the type of guy who will stick it to someone but others will not find out about what he did until years later. In other words, he's like a teddy bear to one's face but really a trained killer in one's backyard. He's a "player" whereas I'm not. Years ago this guy had a baby with a girl who used to work at our place. She ended up getting fired because (from what I heard) he did not want to see her anymore and she went into a a rage(I saw and heard her with my own eyes) threatening to destroy everything in the office. In fact, a guy(F") who used to work at our place got fired for fighting with the boss, and this guy(R") later told me that he helped get the other guy (F") fired because the guy(F") was attracted to the girl and made passes at her and he(R") didn't like that so he decided to get the guy (F")fired. Then years ago one of "R's" cronies approached me and told me that "I just wanted to let you know that "R" owns all the women here".Naturally being so intimidated I didn't even answer him back. Do you know to this day I actually believe what he said to me? The girls I describe above this guy has come onto obviously, but with the stricter harassment policies there probably isn't much he can do like he did years ago. But it's like I'm afraid if I talk to this girl or am just seen making simple conversation with her, i'm afraid he will see it and cause trouble for me on the job or maybe even get me fired. It's not even that I "love" the girl or even care if I don't get to know her a little, it's that I have these thoughts and I need to know if other guys have ever been in this situation. Is this common? Do you know sometimes I go so far as thinking that he(R) tells her to sit next to me and flirt so I will talk to her, then he'll see me and try to get me fired or intimidate me in some other way(ie to set me up). Is this just a case of a non-player being intimidated by a player, or am I just crazy? Or am I wrong to want to talk to someone at work? Or is something else going on? Please, advice!! Thanks

are you the same guy who was all freaky about work shit a while ago? don't be such a pussy. maybe you should go work in a monastery.

Sounds like the same guy.

Yep sounds like the same guy. "Is this just a case of a non-player being intimidated by a player, or am I just crazy?" Answer to you question.....you are just crazy.

i see a few clear options here to save face and keep your nuts intact: *approach "R" and challenge him to a duel (or any other form of staged violent confrontation and make damn sure you win) *spread the rumor that you are gay and think R is totally hot, make psuedo passes at him, get fired and move on *kill yourself *get your head on straight and realize that work is work and not necessarily a play ground for dating materials and ignore all of this bullshit all together. maintain your dignity, stand your ground, pay no mind to the women who you perceive as coming on to you and for the love of god stop being pussy!! you sound like the wuss in school getting shoved around by the captain of the football team.

i'd take option *. but that's just me.

Dear MN, Why would you want to live in fear this way? You must conquer these feelings. On a pratical level this doesn't mean that you have to face off with Player. It means that you live as you please and don't worry about what Player thinks or does. Play a good clean game and do your best in your job. And as far as dating at work goes, unless you really are into the person, why do it? It only complicates the work situation so it's gotta be worth it. Only my opinion.

Yes, yes, a duel. Teach this brazen lothario that he can't mess with the minds of guys like you.

I think that this site may be of use to you.

"The best place to meet women is at those places where they like to go, but they cannot get their boyfriends to go with them" this is why i hang out in women's public bathrooms. i even have a t-shirt that says "cock in the crapper"

i felt it was important to post the pic of the dope who appears to have created the answers to those questions.

I did create the answers to those questions, but I don't know why you are calling me a dope. You realize that the essay I wrote is satirical, right? It is meant to make fun of people who would follow that advice, so that wimpy guys will be stunned into taking a new approach. Syd Allan.

dope

well yeah, i gathered they were satirical, but your still dopey lookin.

further "Syd Allen" looks like one of those names that would be listed in the credits of a cartoon. you know... "Mel Blanc" "Fritz Lang" so...with that in mind, everyone knows cartoon people are dopes. dope by association. dope.

I wish someone would tell me who "owns" me at my workplace. Just so I could hit them up for lunch money and all.

If you trace the layers of ownership back far enough, we're all owned by nate.

damn tootin. and your moms are owned by swine.