| THIS IS A READ-ONLY ARCHIVE FROM THE SORABJI.COM MESSAGE BOARDS (1995-2016). |
|---|
* * * * * My misgivings about him are valid. Freshly divorced with a two-year-old son, he's nearly five years older; not that it's stopped me before. To add to the problem I am not one to stop when I should in matters of love, sex and making out. We made out before, once, at a party after work; me bold and silly underage amidst the alcohol, him too drunk to remember. I flashed him and he bit my neck. Polite mouths but hands everywhere: grabbing asses up shirts. I talk to him and he comes on to me the way he did before, stacking peaches and avacadoes then rolling up his shirt sleeves to show me the new part of his tattoo. "Mr. Spock," I want to say, "All I can think about is hands and mouths and how I'm missing from your memory." He promised me back in September to take me out for my 21st birthday, but now I find myself reconsidering, wondering if I'm drunk as well as he; will I be completely irresponsible about my body, waking up in a strange bed with bruises in places I shouldn't talk about. Would he remember? Responsibility is, for me, a little bit different. I refuse to take birth control pills that will fuck with my body, so it means being extra careful about condoms; something I haven't been in the past. I don't want any STDs and abortions are both threatened and expensive. I once wrote in an online diary that if I ever got pregnant I'd throw myself off a bridge. Sex is such a worry with the STD and pregnancy risk, it always hurts a little if I haven't been with anyone for awhile. I like making out so much more, rolling around on the floor with sharptoothed hungry mouths and searching oneanothers' eyes for something more real than ending the pain inside. * * * I spent last night talking laughing joking with Alx and Korinna. It felt really good to have fun with other girls, reading fucked up zines and listening to music. Discussions of feminism and fruit, relationships and sexuality. Birth control. Alx told me to go to Planned Parenthood; I should probably go check it out. Everything seems to go by so fast. I'm living on my own, working and doing something creative almost every day. I don't have to do what other people tell me to do all the time; it feels good to make my own decisions. I'm scared at the same time. I don't want to grow up. * * * * * What do you think? |
As far as the sex part goes, well, it doesn't sound like this is a guy you yourself want to be with really, from teh way you wrote about it. |
you might want to re-check some of the sentence structure (not that Im a grammar pro) but some of the sentences are a bit stumble-prone. example: "He promised me back in September to take me out for my 21st birthday, but now I find myself reconsidering, wondering if I'm drunk as well as he; will I be completely irresponsible about my body, waking up in a strange bed with bruises in places I shouldn't talk about." whoa. Perhaps... "Back in September, he promised to take me out for my 21st birthday. But now, in December, I find myself reconsidering; if we find ourselves mutually drunk, will i be completely irresponsible with my body, waking up in a stange bed with bruises in taboo places." Its a bit unclear what you mean here. Are you recalling a similar situation in the past? The one back in september? If not, what does september and his promise have to do with getting drunk and getting bruised (eat more iron girl)? My re-tooling may not be the best, but perhaps you at least see the confusion i came out with. I think your point, can be refined and delivered with more umph with some slight re-tooling. on to content. do you want this to sound like a diary entry? or do you wish to connect with your reader on some other universal level? as far as the conflict presented....its a little unclear. i can make a few guesses, but i sorta know you, so i may have an advantange. it feels good to make your own decisions yet you are unable to make a decision about the boy, the sex, the birth control maybe? you gotta a good chunk of play doh here dear pez....just keep playing with it. you've got skillz. just keep working at it. |
and are you worried about the effects of just fucking him, or getting into a relationship with him because he's older and has a kid? I personally wouldn't mind about the age, but the kid... i'd run. Run for the fucking hills. Because i don't want my own or anyone elses. so what is the problem? |
The two biggest problems are (1) he doesn't remember making out (or much else that happened that night) and I can't seem to bring up the subject when we're at work; and (2) I get nervous discussing birth control but I really want to get either a diaphragm or a cervical cap. I read about them in "Our Bodies, Ourselves" but I'd need to go to a doctor and get a gyno, something I've never done before. The piece is a work in progress... I need to find someone who can act as a writing coach. I want the whole thing to sound like I'm talking to a close friend; it's the easiest style for me to write in, one I'm comfortable with. Conclusions aren't my strength. I'll rewrite it sometime this week and post it again. |
i honestly don't know how i feel about that particular piece of writing. i'm going to read it again later and give you valid comments, which this isn't. |
|
|
"Can't remember eh? Let me jog your memory." I could say, unbuttoning my shirt. I'm not a bold person, but work can suck the life out of anyone. Which means I should talk to him outside of work. Which means phone. I'm not a big fan of phones. Still, a girl's gotta do what a girl's gotta do. |
it didnt strike me at first, but now that they mention it. it is strange. it is hard to believe he cant remember. could he be lying? |
"Can't remember eh? Let me jog your memory." I could say, unbuttoning my shirt. <--that's a plan! |
Maybe I should stop worrying about it and ask him out or something. |
On the crush front, though: he's planning my birthday. |
He gave me his phone number. I haven't been this excited about a phone number since..... |