| THIS IS A READ-ONLY ARCHIVE FROM THE SORABJI.COM MESSAGE BOARDS (1995-2016). |
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Pema Chodron |
yesterday I had a melt down at the office and became very angry with two staff, later called my boss, with whom I had earlier in the day discussed the potential problem that in fact came to be...after writing up the incident, I left the client's chart, and my bruised ego in the form angry "this is the way this went down, and this is what so and so did and said, and this is how the client was affected, and ---and I told you this was going to happen if you (my boss) would not step in..." it all boils down to one staff (not me) corralling clients and signing them up for their individual work with this staff person...while I have the priority with new clients...and while my appointments are not being booked because of the manipulative and agressive manner of this other staff member. the golden opportunity was and is to make amends for my anger--though I was not abusive just angry--however justified it may be. And to see it is just that if I don't have clients, well, simply I don't get paid. So in effect, what could have been a beneficial coming together of disparate people, became an angry confrontation of desperate egos. I just don't have temper tantrums. But I am an old drunk who second guessed his every move and motive, because of twenty three years of an AA program that has kept him from drinking and turned everything toward taking personal responsibility for any part i might have played. So, when the feds announce this morning they are printing more paper money and the dollar is falling apart; when the anxiety and remorse automatically come with the morning dawn; when there is knowledge that so much is terribly wrong in this world, and in my little corner of it; tempers flare, or at least mine does. Sometimes I sense my human heart is cold, hard, and immoveable, but then I recall that is who I used to be and not who I am today. Somedays. |
heather, stop posting about my life. :-P |
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I am considering on leaving the job. He is way over his head. |
I think I need a beach and by Friday morning, I will have the antidote to most of my problems...sand between my toes for ten days. |
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It is necessary to leave the impersonal highway, to step inside the rusty gate and close it behind. One is now inside the orange grove, out of the world and in the mysterious heart of another. After long years of spiritual homelessness, of nostalgia, here is the mystic loveliness of childhood again. Here is home. Marjorie Rawlings |
yesandyes |
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