i think more recently than ever i have been lonely. my roommate has gotten a girlfriend. she reminds me of some alley cat in heat. she comes over when she is drunk. and he tries to play the boyfried/girlfriend game. where they hang out with me. but she is either licking his ear or has her hand down his pants. then they retreat to the bedroom. they could use those 15 minutes more wisely on foreplay. i don't really know what i miss. i can get sex if i stage things properly. i guess i miss affectionate human contact. kissing for minutes at a time just to be kissing not elluding to sex or anything. holding hands. my favorite thing is his hand just on the small of my back leading me up the stairs to my apartment. but romance isn't all i have found lacking. without a car it seems i have lost all the friends i thought i once had. everyone now says they don't have time or they simply never phone. and i wonder how it is i was ever friends with them to begin with. how it is that i was able to have a friendship when they refuse to show up to hang out at my house. i am certain my roommate would avoid me if i didn't live with him. i don't know why it is so difficult. i think i need to make new friends, and stop looking for nostalgia.

"love comes in spurts." thank you.

one of the most prominent songs of the 80's........it works on so many levels

I don't remember it.

last night I was over at my friend's apartment at like 2 a.m. he put some public classical station on, and they played stravinsky, handel and then sorabji. "the rose garden," 1940. I stopped what I was doing in order to listen to what the dj was saying, and I told my friend, "wait, I want to hear this. I know someone who ..." in the middle of the piece we heard the emeregency broadcast modem sound. I thought that since it came in middle of programming, maybe there really was some big crisis. ok, I hoped this. but it was only a test.

Don't do the cheap sex for the temporary intimacy thing, hon, it's a waste of time and energy. If you want a relationship, take the time to find one (it is sooo worth it). If you want cheap sex, by all means, enjoy it safely. That's my opinion.

And in related news: I think I'm starting to Like the boy I made out with. I haven't made out with him a second time, but I really look forward to seeing him and was Really dissapointed when he didn't show today. I think I've started stalking him. How this conflicts with my crush on the Map Library Boy, I'm not sure.

You don't have to be faithful to crushes. If he doesn't make his move before you find somebody else, he's had his shot... I think you've been more than fair with him.

Last night I had a dream about the boy I made out with. It was long and complex and he acted really weird in he dream, but at one point we were walking down the street and my arm was tucked into his. Later on we made out again. Moments of the dream made me feel sad but other moments were kind of heart-warming. I know this sounds weird, but I feel like I'm getting mixed messages from Myself.

The few dreams I have like that leave me feeling the same way. Do you feel really let down after you wake up?

Yes. Very much so. Usually if I have a crush on someone and then dream about them I rely on the dream to tell me what I really think about the boy. Like my hidden feelings are coming out. This time I didn't get any clear message, and I was very dissapointed when I woke up. My friend warns me that I shouldn't tell the boy I made out with that I'm starting to like him because he'll probably take advantage of me.

that's a good idea. Canada may percieve it as an invasion if a group of crazy people waving the black flag of sorabji.com suddenly crossed the border and started harassing a certain male college student who made abig mistake with dealing with a certain female student...

See how much we love you, Gee? Be good to yourself.