i am in my new high rise apartment. i think that moving to a new place makes me lonely. i think of myself as outgoing. but really when i stand on the outside and look in i am not. i am a scared little girl really. i went surfing down the internet. i consider reading personal ads, "dating". for me it is about like the same thing. they sound really interesting, i have to pay money for more intimacy and i am too cheap to do it. and in turn i get over them and move to the next ad. i found this site calle "ebony and ivory." it was all non-profit so i wrote like 3 guys i saw on there. not a one wrote back. maybe i am impatient is what i am thinking. but i also think i am just too weird for them to decide to respond. they read it and say "holy shit, i hope this girl doesn't write me again." and of course i don't, cause i can take a hint. i can tell when guys aren't interested. i am not stupid. but, i just want someone to make silver dollar pancakes with and eat with our fingers. go out ride a bike. throw things at people in their cars. listen to music we know the words to and sing along. go on a road trip and stop at truck stops at 11 at night. buying propoganda from different states. take pictures in a quickie photo booth of us kissing. blah. this stuff is going to kill me one day i swear. it is like cholesterol or sodium in your diet. when you have to cut it out, you get these cravings for it and you know how bad it is for you. i know how bad it is. i know i should stop being so "starry eyed." i want a romance like the movies with the happy ending. with us fighting of silly things and me admiting i was wrong at the very same time he does the same. i am not saying i want someone who will tattoo my name on his chest etc. just a cute dorky guy who is willing to listen to crazy music, and indulge my nerouses. where the hell is that guy anyway? is he on a different coast? a different continet? just down the street, to floor down from my apartment? is he sitting in his car right now in rush hour traffic, singing along to 80 tunes and dancing awkwardly? does he own big clunky headphones and a croc-pot? does he enjoy red wine on a thursday night, because he knows he won't be going out on friday. is e waiting to meet a girl who just happens to be me? could he be obsessing over this same stuff like me? does he write manic poetry and do grafitti in bathroom stalls? >sigh< i have such high standards.

Wow. I assume that you're someplace other than Tucson, Arizona?

Because that would be just my luck.

Whoops- just read a different post of yours. How ironic, no shit; you used to live in Tucson, right? And now you're coming back to play some sort of show. Isn't life funny? I would ask where you're playing and what sort of music (I assume it's music). But then I'd feel like a cyberstalker, and I've never even posted on this site before. C'est la vie. Well, thanks anyway for putting my feelings about the whole 'finding the right person thing' into words. I've always assumed that my other half is out there just as frustrated as I am. I think about it too much. And I agree-thinking about it is like having too much salt or sugar in your diet. It leads to a sort of hardening of the romantic arteries. Where is Cupid's Angioplasty when you need it?