My inbox is empty. I hate when that happens. Which is usually more often than not, these days. It makes me feel pretty damn down.

I feel empty today. Maybe I'm your inbox.

i am lost. i have the ring but not the girl. i'm still not sure where i went wrong.

Oh, no, Nate...Type me?

you took a left at albuquerque. not to be insensitive, which is what i'm being, but do you know that song... it goes something like... this diamond ring doesn't shine like it did before... this diamond ring. how does that song go?

who wants to buy this diamond ring? she took it off her finger and now it doesn't mean a thing. this diamond ring doesn't shine for me anymore, this diamond ring doesn't mean what it did before, so if you've got someone whose love is true let it shine for you. this stone is genuine, like love should be, so if your baby's truer than my baby was to me. this diamond ring can be something beautiful, and this diamond ring can be dreams that are coming true, and then your heart won't have to break like mine did if there's love behind it.

Nate I am sorry to hear that. If you want a kiwi care package email me.

I'm sorry Nate. I'm ready to kick ass. (xoxo)

poor baby. i won't make any smartass comments this time. i'm sorry.

It's not over yet and it won't be if you get off your ass and go fix whatever she thinks is broken. Find her, drag her back, and give her whatever she wants until she begs you to stop. You got a lot of years invested here, don't cash it in unless you're sure it's gone belly-up.

Communication--------go and mend the rift.Any relationship requires work,some more than others.The opposite sex is always baffeling,cause we just don't think alike,so don't assume,talk.Humble yourself.If you think this is the right person,don't let it go.[and maybe best to stay away from her,er,behind,for the time being] I also hate an empty inbox.

forget all that. if you go groveling now, she'll always know how to make you do what she wants. if she wants to leave, it's pretty much over so don't sweat it. don't let those stupid little emotions walk all over your much-touted superior brain.

well, i figured it out. i thought she was going to drive the 150 miles to stay with her mom. how cliche, i know. luckily (?) she called her mom from the road and her mom told her that she should turn around or else i'd be really pissed. which is true. that would have ended it. she came back, though. and dave's right, no groveling. i can't set myself up to be walked on the rest of my life. the whole issue was stupid, a semantic misunderstanding. the new issue is that she fled instead of talking about it. i appreciate everyone's concern.

Indeed. People who flee tend to frustrate me too. I"m glad that things are starting to be straightened out, though...sometimes these things happen, though they aren't always deadly.

"or else I'd be really pissed" Nate,what will happen if she wakes up one day,and decides she doesn't want to be under your thumb?and then leaves for good.Maybe you guys should start dealing with issues now,relationships are seldom a calm pool,but tend to be full of hidden undercurrents,that tend to grab one when least expected,and it was obvious that you were upset about the situation,and her,too.So maybe you should address it. If someone made that statment to me,I throw back my head in laughter,and reply "If that would piss you off,see how you feel about this!"And I'd hit the door with no inclination to ever look back.No,not the food for a strong relationship.Communication. And I agree,no groveling,its to demeaning. [but I'd like to see Dave grovel,just once]{wink wink}

i would have been really pissed as in i wouldn't have taken her back. she did this 2 years ago, too. she doesn't live under my thumb. not even close.

Thats nice.

I didn't really get the impression she did. But being pissed about something like that is totally understandable.

nate nate nate!!!!!!! i recently consoled a groom to be friend on the same god damn thing..... FYI..... nico took her ring off 3 times before we got married!!!!!! dude, the act of marriage stresses the fuck out of all parties involved. You tend to get a little freaked before your wedding. Learn to apologize, not necessarily grovel, but apologize. It doesn't mean being walked on. But if and when you fuck up, the sooner and the better, and the more sincere you can be about it, the better. Same for her. Generally speaking, no one who says they want to leave, in a marriage, means it, at least the first 100 times..... you WILL say things you don't mean, she WILL say things she doesn't mean, you WILL do things you regret, as will she.... however, learning to apologize, not hold grudges and move on to brighter postive things is the best therapy we have ever implemented, and even we arent that good at it.....it takes time...... you proposed cause you lover her, she accepted because she loves you.......you will fight, the sooner and more direct you deal with it rather than let it simmer and boil to resentment, the better off you are. The driving off is silly shit. The mrs. did that crap once before and didn't make it past the elevator.......it's just pointless. pay high regard to your committment, as should she.

Another good rule to live by -- don't go to bed angry at each other. Clear it up before you go to sleep. Otherwise, things fester, resentment builds up etc.

Good advice guys!

If she lived under Nates thumb she'd get off her ass and clean the home HE provided for her to live in for FREE,and she would have something for him to eat when he comes home from a day of working hard, so she could have a home to live in for Free.

HA!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Damn, J. That was pretty funny. But yes, chicks are wierd. Someday, Patrick, I'd be interested in hearing about your wedding trials and travails.

"forget all that. if you go groveling now, she'll always know how to make you do what she wants. if she wants to leave, it's pretty much over so don't sweat it. don't let those stupid little emotions walk all over your much-touted superior brain." do you all see what i have to put up with? dave never apologizes, he just looks at me blankly. however, i can tell when he's sorry, which is good enough for me. i'm the one that always gets mad, anyhow.

Well, we all figure dave must have some shining redeeming quality, else you wouldn't be with him. I apologize to dave for accusing him of having a shining redeeming quality. "I gave her a ring and asked if she'd be my widow/I said it's solid gold/she said it's hollow in the middle"

i've tended to feel the need to diffuse the anger, since i have trouble staying angry for more than a few minutes. i get really tired of it, though. i try to remove stress from my life, she tries to inject it. flah. i feel myself moving towards apathy. like the only way i can exist with the blow ups and the problems is to not care. and then where are you? where am i? who am i?

i think part of the problem is the idea that you can't be a strong woman and do housework. fucking housework. goddamnit.

that's not true though. i'm the kickingest ass kicker of a lady ever and also the caretaker of my home. i pick up 300 lb boys and toss them out of my way so i can sweep. i can whip up pesto for forty in a half an hour. it used to really surprise people when they found out i was so "domestic", and i used to say "don't tell anyone, they won't believe it" but now i am quite proud and out about it. maybe i should teach empowerment courses about this matter---"how to make your home awesome and keep your pippi longstocking vibe intact......"

That's cool. I think it's definently possible to be a strong woman and do housework. Totally. It's not demeaning to take good care of a place you love, making it livable for yourself and others. It's fine. And good, and all that. What should one do with a diamond that's no longer useful, anyway? I mean, I don't want to wear it, because people think I'm married and stuff, but I don't exactly want to just get rid of it either...I can't exactly give it to someone ("here, have a diamond!") It means something to me, because I loved the woman who owned it, but...damnit. I don't know what I should do with it. I don't want to get married, and if I do, I a. don't want to wear a diamond, and b. don't want to wear a dead person's diamond. You can see where this dilemma puts me. Help?

Get a safety deposit box at the bank, put it in there, and forget about it. When the time comes, a relative will find it and will be stuck with the same dilemma.

Hm. I guess so. It's a pain to have these sorts of things, because you just don't know what to do with them.

isolde...you can have it made into another piece of jewelry you feel comfortable wearing, or you could make a velvet lined box for it or you could make a tiny shrine to that person on your dresser and have it there, or you can put it someplace safe until the right idea comes to you.

or you could sell it on e-bay

have it taken out and make a necklace out of it, something old something new..... "i feel myself moving towards apathy" you just can't do this........ this will lead to lack of intimacy, which will lead to her resentment, which will lead to no booty for you which will lead to your resentment.... its a bad cycle.......and snowballs with time. isolde what exactly would you like to know about my wedding? I'm happy to share details otherwise....i TOTALLY feel your grief on this "i think part of the problem is the idea that you can't be a strong woman and do housework. fucking housework. goddamnit."

i'm in the midst of cleaning my room. i cook. i knit. i write. does this mean i'm weak? oh, and about the ring thing...i was given my great-grandmother's ruby engagement ring for graduation, wore it during graduation then put it away in my jewelry box so i can look at it sometimes. all i have of her other than the ring are a couple of pictures of her holding me as a baby and her book.

I don't want to destroy it. Right now, it's on my house altar. There, I suppose, it will stay for some time.

you are not destroying it.......my mom did this, when her first husband came out of the closet, it still had meaning to her, but she soon got remarried, and well, she had the diamond put into a necklace, and then my grandmother gave me the bad to give to nico, of which we customized it and put a rock in it.....again something old something new, it only looses meaning when you choose to. anyway, i thought it a practical idea to perhaps put something bad behind you, retain the core value, and make something new, that makes you happy again

Indeed. The ring itself isn't that pretty. I don't know. I almost feel like it would be sacriledge to melt down the ring and use the metal and stone somewhere else, that it would be unfair to her memory to just revamp it--but maybe I'll end up doing that. I don't know. Maybe I'll go back to wearing it. The problem is that I wear it on the European divorce finger, which is the ring finger of the left hand, so people get the wrong idea...and I don't want people to get that idea right now...

Wear it on another finger,Nate you can be a strong woman and clean,she's just pulling her psych bullshit out of her ass,in a lame excuse to get off her ass and push that vacume!

That's not really an option, but thanks for the suggestion.

Isolde, did you fling the stinking trash on your housemate yet?

All unwanted diamonds can be mailed directly to me. Thank You. Anything I can do to help.

why don't you just get a housecleaner to come in once a week, nate? you don't live THAT far out, do you? sunday night I got stoned and started cleaning the apartment, thinking, "I love this."

Not yet. She's claiming it's not her stinking filth. I'm giving her 24 hours to come up with _whose_ stinking filth it is before I dump the contents in her bed. (She probably won't notice, her bed is foul).

Hey, while we're bitching about housemates, can I join in? Thankfully, this is about a former housemate. I broke up with her about two months ago, but she couldn't move out for financial reasons. I let her stay rent free so she could save up money. How did she thank me? She let her dog trash the place and didn't clean it up. She went out every night of the week and spent all of her money, so I had to give her more so she'd move out. Then, four days before she left, she took a guy home from a bar and fucked him in my bedroom, on my bed, while I was home. (I threw them out...) It's over. She's gone. Yippee!!

Ugh. I hate living with people, I realize. I don't mind sleeping with people, or staying at a house with people for a while, but a permanent house with people=one mad Isolde.

Ok. Those with weak stomachs, do not read on: I found out what was in my trashcan. Puke. Someone PUKED in my trashcan and did not clean it up. Fuck. PUKE! FUCKING PUKE! That is so disgusting. Omigos. Excuse while I go vomit in the proper receptacle. Ugh. puke.

disgusting. if you puke in a fucking trashcan, at least have the curtosy to dump it out properly. ick. i'm sorry, isolde. really really realllllly sorry. i hope your psyche remains intact. ew.

Look, do I get to kick some ass or don't I??

Puke. hrmpht. Devon (who is probably in the LA picture that Patrick has) got drunk at Ashleigh (who used to work at the letterpress that Isolde used to work at)'s house and crashed on my couch. When I came home in the morning, he'd puked on: My couch. The Floor. Roomie's sleeping bag. He cleaned it all up. By putting it in my saucepan. There was puke in my saucepan, man. that's no good at all. Gee. You want some ass to kick? I'll hold him. Then we'll send you to Texas to do some work for one Mr. Fetid Beaver, then over to Nate's place to whip that woman into housecleaning shape; then over to Vermont to give Isolde's roommate a stern talking to. Oh, and as your agent, I get 10%. Make sure they all pay you in advance, or you can kick their asses, too. Hrm. Antigone's in Texas, too. You can probably fit his ex-roomie in, too, if Anti can scrape up the $5k. Sound Good?

Um, for those who want to be picky about spelling, that's Devan, who is in the picture I sent Patrick, and Ashley, the former foiler. Yeah. I"m really upset about the puke in the trashcan thing. SICK! FUCKING SICK!

Did you fling it on her?

Nope. I did puke, though.

On her bed I hope.

Nope. In the right place. I should have photographed it and put it next to her bed with some witty sign or another. Damn.

did you see the "blood and chocolate" thread? we should bottle it and sell it on the street, man!

i find going and peeing on one's bed makes disgruntled roomate feel better

i find going and peeing on one's bed makes disgruntled roomate feel better

by the way, the others in that picture you sent look really young, no wonder they are upchucking every where, can't hold their liquor hell are they legal?

This peeing on the bed reminds me. Years ago when I did some clinical rotations at nursing homes. One nursing home I went to had a lady who always claimed that her roomate was picking on her. We could never catch the roomate doing the things that she was accused of, so we wrote it of as dementia. One day I was in the hall and overheard, "You old whore!" So I went in the room to see what was going on. The roomate had the other's pillow, dragging it up and down her naked peri-rectal area. Needless to say we split them up after that. P.S that's where the "FETIDBEAVER" originated. now you know the rest of the story. (just like Paul Harvey)

*laugh* Patrick, the true number of legal people in that photograph... is a strange, shocking, and surprising story. Someday you'll see the whole truth revealed in an ABC made-for-TV miniseries. For some reason, EVERYONE around here looks really young. Must be the ocean air? I go to work surrounded only by really young-looking people and really old-looking people.

Most of them are really young, actually. The dog is older than most of us. And none of them are in Vermont with me, so it wasn't them puking. I don't see how peeing on my bed would make me feel better about my housemate, but ok...

Your housemates bed,piss on her bed.

Oh, good idea.

right

Oh, and Patrick, type me?

Type O positive maybe?

Damn this all brings me back to my senior year as an undergrad. I had a hell roommate too. wouldn't do teh dishes, left stuff all other the place, smlled kind of funky. If it wasn't for tat, he was alright. One time i had to restrain my housemate dave from pissing on his bed because I shared a room with him and would have to smell it. He settled for jamming a peanut butter smeared knife that he supposedly cleaned in our door, whcih caused him to fear for his life. Place all dirty stuff that bugs you right on her bed. Tell her you will continue to do so until she shapes up.

Maybe I should. I came home and she had scrubbed the bathroom sink. That was nice. All the dead flies are gone. She's going somewhere this weekend, too...me and myself can invite me, I, and maybe Isolde over for a raging party of one.

get drunk and take polaroids of your roommates "various sundries" shoved up your ass. then send them to me.

Up my ass? I don't think so. But up her hot pakistani behind? Yes.

mmmmm....hot pakistani behind....mmmmmmm......

Yeah...and she makes great food. She just piled this huge plate of food on me when I got home. I think ti was her way of saying "sorry about the trash, yo."

FB-----I've never felt closer to you.That was a beautiful story.

The toilet paper dispenser rod in my bathroom looks like a penis. Damn. I hadn't realized this before.

It might be time for you to get out of the house!

I was out all day, yo, and I was greeted by a huge white plastic penis stripped of its toilet paper.

Yo, wassup wit de "yo," yo?

I think it might be Pakistani?

Nope. I don't know what came over me.

I think the "yo" may have been stolen from Clay, "The Anarchist." Speaking of which... (he's the one who was stuck in jail in Philedelphia for what? 2 months? after the Republican National Convention) he went to the first hearing charged with Assaulting an officer, Aggravated assault on an officer, malicious destruction of state propert, malicious destruction of private property, resisting arrest, conspiracy to commit the destruction and assault, illegal assembly, failure to comply, and a few other piddly charges. 5 counts of each. Our little Clay was, in other words, accused of jumping 5 police officers and putting them in the hospital. (or jumping the same police officer 5 times?) Bleh. 4 of the slates got dropped at the first hearing. Now he has to go back in a month to do the "real" trial. Philly police suck.

They do, it's true. Poor clay. The yo is actually from Annie, a friend who was there at the time of the writing. But I've been using it more. I like it. It sounds better spoken, though. Bleh.

'S funny how (for me, at least) my spoken and written English are completely different. Spoken, I'm full of "yo" and "like" and "so, he goes 'DUDE! WHATEVER!" I like to think that I write much more cleanly than that, yo.