during this school year actually. i was rather upset with a combination of things. i'd fucked a 27 year old kosavar med student when i was on vacation in the czech republic for a month in the summer of '98. i was an impotent high school student. with the war and whatnot, and my penchant for obsessing/worrying, not to mention a conversation with one of my mum's friends-- a cambodian refugee whose family fled from the khmer rouge-- i became incredibly cynical. with the human race, democracy, culture, and especially living in america... the fact that since my family is moderately well off as is the suburb i live in, i became very much disgusted by the thought of eating. so after a business week of fasting, with the interruption of juices and milk, and a week of crying and writing, i realized that the intended effect was not being achieved. people will always destroy each other. apathy will always be rampant. etc etc... other heart warming fuzzies... my stomach had a tendency to growl very loudly. after the first day the desire to eat fades. my mouth was very dry... and that was that.