| By Alydia on Monday, December 29, 1997 - 05:30 am: |
It was three days since I let any nutrients enter my body, I awoke, confused and numb. Down the stairs I fell. "Shower.....shower, the cold water will help", I though..... down in the shower I went. Soaked, shaking, sore and numb I went to the phone. Ringing in and out, barely awake, finally an answer. "call 911, no way" I said, embarissed, and thinking whats the point, they'll only laugh at me for doing it to myself. "please mom", I demanded, "come over, just come over, I just want to talk, I don't want to be alone, It isn't that bad" I lied, and begged, noing she wouldnt, why help her daughter when the bottles at home. Finnaly, I decided I had to go, dialed 911, and went to the hospitol. Sure enough...."so you have a psych backround, huh?" asked the nurse...."are you sure you didn't try to o.d.? are you sure you didn't try to kill yourself?" Facing the persecution I got some energy, not to mention the ambulance ride there somewhat snapped me out of my disillusion, yet I still could not convince them, I demended that they take tests, find out what was wrong. No point though, they still insisted I made an attemp. Needless to say, I walk, or rather stumbled out, and waited till someone could come pick me up. That night I ate 4 microwavable dinners. I still don't eat much though, still in my rut, my 19 year and counting rut. I wonder if I 'll ever get out of it, ever save up enough to get out of this house and away from my roomate, who is obsessed with making me nervous and gets off on seeing me scared. If you were here, you too wouldn't eat, you wouldn't dare go near him, and fast food and dinners cost way to much, so as I would never get away.... |
Depression is all consuming, you need to see a doctor who understands. I've ben suffering for six years and am still unstable. My husband has bouts with the same thing. We are struggling. Hang in there, but get professional help, it really is important. Always, Gloria |
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