never


sorabji.com: When is the last time you had sex?: never
THIS IS A READ-ONLY ARCHIVE FROM THE SORABJI.COM MESSAGE BOARDS (1995-2016).

By Gaelwyn on Thursday, April 19, 2001 - 11:41 pm:

    don't plan to anytime soon. :)


By sarah on Friday, April 20, 2001 - 02:22 am:


    i think i might have sex for the first time in what will be over a year when kev comes to visit. nothing is written in blood, we're just sorta playing it by ear. i'm not entirely sure i'm ready, i would feel more ready if i felt better inside my body. surgery has taken its toll. i feel ready on the inside, but also scared. it's going to be a Big Deal. i don't have a lot of expectations about it, other than it most likely will be the first time that sex will mean something more to me than simple fucking. i'm kinda looking forward to that, just to see what it's like.





By Jada on Saturday, April 21, 2001 - 01:35 am:

    Two weeks ago. Twice in one day. The first time was yummy but the second, lousy.


By Nate on Saturday, April 21, 2001 - 03:25 am:

    were the batteries wearing down?


By agatha on Saturday, April 21, 2001 - 12:52 pm:

    i got this list of expressions on how to tell someone that their fly is down, at work the other day. it was pretty hilarious. one of them was something like, "please restore your tray tables to the upright and locked positions." for some reason i thought that was hilarious at the time.

    i don't really know why i just told you all that.


By sarah on Saturday, April 21, 2001 - 01:33 pm:


    because it's funny. :)




By JusMiceElf on Sunday, April 22, 2001 - 09:30 am:

    Oh man Agatha, I love that one. I don't think my kiddos would get it though. I usually tell them to shut the barn door. Resisting the temptation to add: "before the horse gets loose."


By agatha on Sunday, April 22, 2001 - 11:53 am:

    yo, take your turns, homey!


By sarah on Sunday, April 22, 2001 - 01:41 pm:


    what are some of the other expressions on the list?



By semillama on Monday, April 23, 2001 - 12:36 pm:

    I heard a great expression for cunnilingus the other day: "Eating a two-week old pizza."

    I haven't had sex since August, which is still an improvement over my last hiatus from coitus.


By agatha on Monday, April 23, 2001 - 08:09 pm:

    august- wasn't that during your road trip with... oh, nevermind.

    i'm so rude.


By Nate on Monday, April 23, 2001 - 10:40 pm:

    damn, agatha.


By Nate on Monday, April 23, 2001 - 10:41 pm:

    but shit, sem, going down on a two-week old is fucking nasty. jesus. i can't believe you fucking said that.


By semillama on Tuesday, April 24, 2001 - 10:30 am:

    It's analogy, for christ's sake. Put down the opium pipe for a bit, huh?

    Although two-week old pizza itself is sort of nasty.


By patrick on Tuesday, April 24, 2001 - 11:23 am:

    i don't think thats rude at all.


    he has the right to say no.


    i never understand, why sometimes questions like that are rude. we are all routing for sem in every way possible...curiosity begs the question.

    i had a dream last night about the mailart. which reminds me...

    in the dream...i received this bitchin "book"...this big hand crafted book with textured paper, from agatha and it had variations of pictures from your site, including you and that "artsy " shot with cleo and those pics of the newly trimmed demon-cat of yours...but htey were redone with pencil drawings....strange.

    i keep forgetting to put my crap in an envelope and send it.

    dammit


    speaking of pizza...i regretably ate pizza hut last night....i was at a friends watching the kings game....and he insisted on ordering out....despite my insistance that i wasn't hungry (for that shit). he kept insisting i have some, so to shut him up i did...i will regret those two slices of crap for days to come.


By patrick on Tuesday, April 24, 2001 - 11:23 am:

    i don't think thats rude at all.


    he has the right to say no.


    i never understand, why sometimes questions like that are rude. we are all routing for sem in every way possible...curiosity begs the question.

    i had a dream last night about the mailart. which reminds me...

    in the dream...i received this bitchin "book"...this big hand crafted book with textured paper, from agatha and it had variations of pictures from your site, including you and that "artsy " shot with cleo and those pics of the newly trimmed demon-cat of yours...but htey were redone with pencil drawings....strange.

    i keep forgetting to put my crap in an envelope and send it.

    dammit


    speaking of pizza...i regretably ate pizza hut last night....i was at a friends watching the kings game....and he insisted on ordering out....despite my insistance that i wasn't hungry (for that shit). he kept insisting i have some, so to shut him up i did...i will regret those two slices of crap for days to come.


By semillama on Tuesday, April 24, 2001 - 12:48 pm:

    for those who are just that curious, I did eat some two-week-old pizza back in August, yes.


By Nate on Tuesday, April 24, 2001 - 01:03 pm:

    nasty motherfucker.


By sarah on Tuesday, April 24, 2001 - 04:20 pm:


    pizza is the most vile food ever concocted.

    i have never eaten a slice of pizza without feeling totally ill afterward.






By semillama on Tuesday, April 24, 2001 - 05:03 pm:

    yeah, but have you ever eaten a two-week old pizza and felt the same way?

    As long as we're being rude, that is.


By Nate on Tuesday, April 24, 2001 - 05:47 pm:

    two-week old lasagna seems more...something.


By Platypus on Tuesday, April 24, 2001 - 06:30 pm:

    I have a dream about getting mail art.
    Maybe Agatha lost my address in all the confusion and she should write me.


By agatha on Tuesday, April 24, 2001 - 08:39 pm:

    no, it's just not done. i would apologize, but i figure it's not that big of a deal. also, patrick is allegedly sending me stuff, if he ever actually does it. patrick, your dream was not that far off but the finished product will not be nearly as cool as in your dream. semi cool, but no hand drawn pencil items.

    platypus, are you the artist formerly known as isolde?

    and sem, while i'm being rude, whose two week old pizza did you eat back then?


By Nate on Tuesday, April 24, 2001 - 10:45 pm:

    damn, agatha.

    damn.


By Nate on Tuesday, April 24, 2001 - 10:49 pm:

    ps. isolde cum platypus is going to slip a disk! spring a leak! milk a cow! she just totally explained the isodle-platypus thing on another thread, and she was pissed off then!! she's going to flip her lid! shake her nuts! tickle her elmo!


By agatha on Tuesday, April 24, 2001 - 11:09 pm:

    what thread? i missed it.


By Nate on Tuesday, April 24, 2001 - 11:53 pm:

    idunno. some other thread.


By semillama on Wednesday, April 25, 2001 - 09:31 am:

    I missed that one too.

    I'm open about whose two-week-old pizza I eat, and of course it was mavis, who currently is involved with someelse and their two-week-old blood sausage. Ha Ha! I Laugh!


By Dougie on Wednesday, April 25, 2001 - 09:39 am:


By agatha on Wednesday, April 25, 2001 - 10:18 am:

    whatever.

    here's the rest of that list, for sarah:

    THE TOP TEN WAYS TO TELL SOMEONE THEIR ZIPPER IS UNZIPPED
    (From Dave Letterman)

    10) The cucumber has left the salad.

    9) Quasimodo needs to go back in the tower and tend to his bells.

    8) You need to bring your tray table to the upright and locked position.

    7) Paging Mr. Johnson...Paging Mr. Johnson...

    6) Bill Clinton Junior has LEFT the building!

    5) The Buick is not all the way in the garage.

    4) Our next guest is someone who needs no introduction . . .

    3) You've got a security breach at Los Pantalones.

    2) Men maybe From Mars, . . . but I can see something that rhymes with Venus.


    number one is so bad that i'm omitting it. monica lewinsky something something.


By Nate on Wednesday, April 25, 2001 - 10:31 am:

    www.technicalvirgin.com


By patrick on Wednesday, April 25, 2001 - 01:25 pm:

    agatha, what a wonderful idea to do while im home sick...


By Platypus on Wednesday, April 25, 2001 - 06:27 pm:

    As a matter of fact, Agatha, I am. I was considering using a symbol instead, but none of the ones I can find are very interesting...

    So Platypus it is.


By agatha on Thursday, April 26, 2001 - 01:05 am:

    you could use an emoticon. i like platypus, that's a good name.


By heather on Thursday, April 26, 2001 - 01:46 am:

    did you say why you changed your name?


By Platypus on Thursday, April 26, 2001 - 12:09 pm:

    Nope, I didn't.


By heather on Thursday, April 26, 2001 - 12:35 pm:

    would ya? could ya?
    did you get tired of typing it?

    are you hiding from the law?

    were you feeling more like a strange and unique creature?


By semillama on Thursday, April 26, 2001 - 02:10 pm:

    Have you started laying eggs, even though you're warm-blooded?


By Nate on Thursday, April 26, 2001 - 02:16 pm:

    do you have poisonous spurs on your feet?


By Dougie on Thursday, April 26, 2001 - 02:27 pm:

    Platypusses (platypi?) have poisonous spurs on their feet?


By Nate on Thursday, April 26, 2001 - 02:31 pm:

    of course they do.


By Dougie on Thursday, April 26, 2001 - 02:34 pm:

    And diamonds on the soles of their shoes.


By Nate on Thursday, April 26, 2001 - 02:56 pm:

    "Adult males have a hollow, horny spur on the inner side of the hind leg, from which a toxic fluid is ejected and which may be used as a weapon of defense."

    http://encarta.msn.com/find/Concise.asp?ti=02FB4000

    i guess our platypus wouldn't have poisonous spurs.


By Dougie on Thursday, April 26, 2001 - 03:02 pm:

    Well dip me in shit and set me out to dry. Learn somethin new every day.


By Platypus on Friday, April 27, 2001 - 11:04 pm:

    platypi rock. I'm all about the poisonous spurs. I guess it's time for a sex change, unless the poisonous spur under my tongue counts.


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