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THIS IS A READ-ONLY ARCHIVE FROM THE SORABJI.COM MESSAGE BOARDS (1995-2016).

By patrick on Wednesday, September 5, 2001 - 11:47 am:

    last night we rented some vintage porn from the vid store. Some flic from 1981 about cowboys, damsels in distress and so forth...good ole hairy 80s porn. For some reason, renting "vintage porn" takes the shame out of it, for me anyway, when I check out at the video store. Its kitsche, camp. Its ok, Im renting it more for comedy than titillation. MmmHmm. Im just glad Im not shopping for gay porn as my little indie store also specializes in gay porn....LOTS of gay porn. Im just glad Im not one of those gay men renting 5 flics every other day. Man, such savvy porn shoppers they are.


    Anyway...

    When we put the flic in, hit the bong and sat back for something interesting...ALL we immediately saw were COCKS, ASSES, COCKS plowing ASSES, COME, COCK, MORE ASS, COME, COCK, ASS, COME SHOTS HITTING THE ROOF...what the hell!!!!! Nico broke out in hysteria. My jaw dropped and my nuts tingled. What the fuck was this?????


    seems the wrong tape was in the case. Nonetheless is was 70s gay porn and HOLY COW!!!!! they don't mess around!!! I mean they REALLY don't mess around. Clearly the hairdoos set the time, but the fact they werent wearing condoms and doing everything SO anti-AIDS prevention it wasnt even funny. The thought even crossed my mind as to how many of these guys I saw in a flicker-book split second of cock, come and ass were dead.

    But man, i couldnt believe the bravado and intensity and the honesty. I've seen some contemporary gay porn, but it was nothing like this. These days, it seems all the guys are shaved bare and have dumbass tattoos and piercings and small weiners. Shit, then it seems they all fucked in their tube socks, were hairy as can be and 10ft cocks.

    Man what an eye-opener.

    Then came the discussion as to WHO is returning it and making a point for the credit.

    If I do it...which I most likely will, my face will burst in red-cherry flush...

    "uhm um er my er wife and uh er umm i rented this and um er....."

    "yeah sure kid, i see the problem , gimme that."

    or if nico does it

    "mu husband rented this and it seems he got the wrong video...."

    "yeah, sure lady, wrong video...HELLO DENIAL"






By Hal on Wednesday, September 5, 2001 - 12:14 pm:

    Ok... That's fucking hilarious.

    If you want something to make you feel a lot better, go rent a good ole Japanese porn, I'm talking no english, no english writing, and no cock longer then 5 inches and no wider then 1 inch. And anything that is 5 inchs by 1 inch is A: HUGE for the whole movie, and B:VERY FUCKING RARE for the whole movie.

    Its great, and what makes it even funnier is how they get into it. Hardcore, "we've been watching 70's porn again style."


By Czarina on Wednesday, September 5, 2001 - 12:25 pm:

    Patrick,I don't think you should make light of a 10 foot cock................


By Hal on Wednesday, September 5, 2001 - 12:30 pm:

    Oh my god I didn't even catch that.... Thats one big fucking wanger...
    No man's cock should be that big.


By J on Thursday, September 6, 2001 - 01:08 pm:

    Can't you just drop it in a slot box? If not,just kinda act strange when you take it back and ask the clerk if they have any one hand magazines.wink wink.


By patrick on Thursday, September 6, 2001 - 01:34 pm:

    well no, we wanted to get our credit for it. They do have wank mags, but almost all gay.


    Actually nico did it yesterday. I had no problems doing it myself. Our favorite employee, Terri Sue was there, old school Silverlake queen. (s)he was more than accommodating, and she got another movie for free.


By patrick on Thursday, September 6, 2001 - 01:35 pm:

    i should add, that I believe everyone should at least see 5 minutes of gay porn once in their life. Just 5 minutes.


By Pilate on Thursday, September 6, 2001 - 01:49 pm:

    Five minutes of raunchy 70's fag porn can save your soul.


By patrick on Thursday, September 6, 2001 - 02:16 pm:

    indeedy


By droopy on Thursday, September 6, 2001 - 02:24 pm:

    i once had the chance to run away with a guy who looked like larry fine (the stooge) and be his lover. we met by accident late one night on the grounds of the kimbell art museum, which was on none other than the sister wendy special last night.

    i didn't go with him, though. my dream stooge is shemp.


By Pilate on Thursday, September 6, 2001 - 02:54 pm:

    Indeed, Shemp is the Überstooge. But never underestimate Moe.......he could be so fucking butch sometimes.


By Curly on Friday, September 7, 2001 - 11:28 am:

    And, I'm just a fictim of soycumstans.


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