It was never a fear of mine until I discover tonight that my mother is dying. I cant jump in my car and be with her in 10 minutes because I moved here to Florida a month ago. I cant call her because I am afraid to hear the words from her. I want to just jump on a plane right this minute but I'm afraid to see her. I'm afraid to be with her and I'm afraid to be without her. We were never that close but I'm scared to death to be without my mother. I wont talk to any of the family and friends that have called tonight because I'm afraid. I dont want to talk about it at all. With anyone. maybe I want to talk about it but not with anyone. And I dont want anyone talking to me about it. So if I type it, I get what I want and feel better.
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