Silence. Dead Silence. Humiliation. Duh...

sorabji.com: Do you love me?: Silence. Dead Silence. Humiliation. Duh...
THIS IS A READ-ONLY ARCHIVE FROM THE SORABJI.COM MESSAGE BOARDS (1995-2016).
By Kat on Thursday, April 9, 1998 - 12:12 am:
    Silence. You look down. She is looking at the floor. You reach for a cigarette and think of something else to say.

    I really LIKE you, she says. But,

    A. I'm just not ready
    B. I just want to be friends
    C. I am still in love with _________.
    D. Forget it, i'm still not sleeping with you.
    E. I cannot love someone who is not from the planet Zorbo.
    F. So, you gonna give me my $50 bucks now or what?

    Have you ever worked up the courage to say I love you and been met with one of the above responses?

    Have you ever used any of the above responses on somebody else?

    Just wondering...
By W. Konigsberg on Thursday, April 9, 1998 - 04:17 am:
    you've gotten ALL of those responses?
    or you've used all of those responses?

    Wow.


    Want some new ones?


    (I'm not sure which character you are)
By Hannah on Thursday, April 9, 1998 - 11:22 am:
    that sucks if that has happened to you.

    i have never been shot down by telling someone I love them. Although, since all have told me they love me back, after breaking up, they told me they said it because I did, even though they didn't. In time, though, they did learn to love me truely.

    If you don't really love a person, tell them so. Please don't lie, even if you think you might fall in love with them later.
By Sorabji on Thursday, April 9, 1998 - 10:39 pm:
    i've never reached the $50 point, but i've certainly wasted the words enough times in enough places on enough people to the point where i don't even hear them any more.

    poor me.
By Jones on Saturday, April 11, 1998 - 10:45 pm:
    is it bad if you're too emotionally wacked-up to say "i love you" back, when someone's told you that they love you?
By Sorabji on Saturday, April 11, 1998 - 11:08 pm:
    if you feel wacked up at that moment then it is probably likely that you simply do not love the other person.

    nothing unusual about that.
By Jones on Saturday, April 11, 1998 - 11:44 pm:
    what if what i call wacked up is really love, and it just seems weird because its new? lets say i have this friend, who just might be a little emotionally immature, and doesnt know what it means to want to love someone (like that someone has told him that she loves him, and he really wants to say it back, not to get sex, but because he wants to tell that person that he feels so strongly about them)

    wacked up in the sense of feeling so many things at once
By R.C. on Sunday, April 12, 1998 - 12:56 am:
    Love is for Grown-ups. For those who have lived in the world long enuf to know the difference btwn a mood that passes thru you & the the desire to make a real & lasting/24-7 committment to building a life with another person. Love is the willingness to put yr beloved's interests above yr personal gameplan -- not merely becuz the long-term payoff will be greater/but becuz their happiness is as important to you as yr own. Love is saying yes to moving to another city becuz she got into a 1st-rate grad school program/ while you have a job you can do just as well for just abt any company anywhere. Or his willingness to make a home for the two of you in Atlanta or Charleston or Sarasota while you jet off to Paris & NY & London/becuz there are only so many cities on the planet where a musician can make a living. Love is getting up at 4 a.m. to feed the baby becuz yr S.O. has an 9 a.m. meeting or audition or court date/whereas yr day beings whenever you get up & turn on yr computer. Love is switching to working the 4-12 in the Brooklyn North so my Mom cd go to med. school & still be home in time to tuck us into bed. And a Mom who who never insisted on using her Dr. vs. her Mrs./becuz she uderstood that the M.D. was as much my Dad's as it was her's.

    Love is not abt wanting kids or respectability or the chance to cash in on someone else's success. Love is abt loving someone else as much as you love yrself. Not to the point of letting them beat & abuse you/or yr kids -- becuz Real Love Doesn't Hurt. Real Love is what you trade for yr adolescent fantasies & hollow aspirations. It's the dream that's big enuf for two. Love is someone who makes yr heart skip a beat whenever they walk into the room/no matter how long you been together. Love is someone you can always trust to do the right thing/even when it's not the expedient or convenient thing. Even when there's nobody looking. Love is the deepest, sweetest mystery that God has given us. And if you ever find it/you'd better do everything in yr power to keep it righteous & real.



    "Let all that you do be done with love."

    -- 1st Corinthians: 16:14
By Blindswine on Sunday, April 12, 1998 - 11:34 am:
    ack.

    bartender???

    another round, please...
By R.C. on Sunday, April 12, 1998 - 04:01 pm:
    Scoff if you wish Blindswine/but if I were yr woman/they'd find you wandering the streets w/a permanent mask of perpetual bliss on yr face/muttering my name in reverent tones for the rest of yr days!



    "There's no greater cynic than a failed romantic."

    -- Linda Hunt as Billy Kwan in
    'The Year of Living Dangerously' (1983)
By Blindswine on Sunday, April 12, 1998 - 04:15 pm:
    uhh...

    make that a double...
By Blindswine on Sunday, April 12, 1998 - 04:20 pm:
    lol

    you're such a shammer...
By Scrunch on Sunday, April 12, 1998 - 10:17 pm:
    R.C.,

    I really resent that. Love is not just for grown ups. I'm in love with Jordan, and no matter how much people try to say that we're too young and unexperienced, I still know that it's true. Love can't be explained. There's no word that can describe how I feel when I'm with him. I can't explain how good I feel inside when I tell myself that he's mine. You don't find love through experience. You just know that it's right when you're with that person. Everything fits (I didn't mean that in a sexual way).
By Failed romantic on Sunday, April 12, 1998 - 10:54 pm:
    hey bartender...

    do i get a rebate if i refer prospective business?

    i think you'll be getting a few more customers from here a couple years down the line....
By Blindswine on Sunday, April 12, 1998 - 10:55 pm:
    lol

    i'm such a cynical bastard...

    give it your best, scrunch.

    good luck to the both of you...

    -m.
By Jones on Monday, April 13, 1998 - 02:31 am:
    R.C.-- "love is for Grown-ups"? isnt that a little childish? I understand that love comes with experience, but love at 18 doesnt involve the kind of built-up responsibilities that love at 40 does. Just because I wouldnt give up my life for someone else doesnt mean that i don't love them. I'm a kid, and I have no idea where the hell i'm going, but I know that I'm not going to knock my life off course because of the motion of the one whom i care most deeply about.

    i can appreciate what you said, and i respect that, but you gotta understand that love isnt a universal thing for everyone...

    how about sex? doesnt that have a part in love...? (not that it has to, but its certainly a facet)
    love is wanting to jump your partner's bones simply because they appreciate you for all you are
    love is wanting to sleep forever in the arms of the one
    (fine, I am a horny teenager, but that doesn't invalidate my feelings)

    Even if they are merely adolescent fantasies & hollow aspirations, they're as real as anything to me now

    I'm not grown-up, nor do i think that I am, but i know that there are some smart kids and some out-of-it adults

    (how's that for an adolescent fantasy?)
By Out-of-smarts-adult on Monday, April 13, 1998 - 02:37 am:
    can i get some change, please? Ah-yes, one more round, thank you. On Blindswine's----nah, make that R.C.'s tab. Thanks.
By Scrunch on Monday, April 13, 1998 - 09:51 pm:
    I'm with you, Jones. And R.C., ever since that message you left me about slitting my wrists to hurt others, all I really want to say to you is to FUCK OFF! Sorry, I'm just in a pissy mood right now.
By Christopher on Monday, April 13, 1998 - 10:21 pm:
    Thats not a very mature thing to say. Being grown up has more to it than chronological age. Why don't you go back and read your own posts, scrunch, and take a look at who was concerned enough to speak to you as an adult. telling R.C. to "fuck off" doesn't make me feel too good about you. It makes you sound like a petulant brat. If you want people to respect you as a mature, thinking individual, then try choosing your words more wisely.
By R.C. on Tuesday, April 14, 1998 - 01:19 am:
    Thanks Chris for getting my back/but it's not necessary.

    Look, Heather -- don't curse at me in one breath & then apologize in the next. If you're bad enuf to say it/then be bad enuf to mean it. The fact that you have to resort to profanity when I've NEVER disrespected you in that way -- despite yr age -- does more to prove just how immature you are than anything I cd ever say to or abt you. I stand by what I said to you at the other BBS -- becuz that's how it looks from where I'm sitting. And if my remarks still piss you off after all this time/maybe that's becuz there's a truth there you haven't had the courage to face up to.
    ............................................................................

    As for the rest of you: I say that love is for grown-ups becuz for me/love is abt committment. And teenagers aren't capable of committing to very much. You're not SUPPOSED to be capable of that at this point in yr lives. But whether you choose to believe me or not/I know what I'm talking abt -- becuz I have been yr age/whereas you have yet to be my age. I've been where you are & felt what you're feeling. I was SEVERELY in love with a 17-yr- old guy when I was 13. (And no -- it was not abt knockin' boots. We both knew I was too young for that/& he respected me enuf not to pressure me for sex.) We just KNEW we'd end up married & spend the rest of our lives together. And when I spoke of 'adolescent fantasies'/I was thinking of the plans he & I had for our future -- that he'd go off to college on a b-ball scholarship & make it into the NBA/while I'd become a world-renown photographer. It lasted for 2 yrs./until he left for college. (On an academic scholarship. He ended up becoming an engineer of some sort.) But I wd've married him in a heartbeat -- half the 15-yr-olds in the country wd run off & get married if it weren't illegal! And end up divorced before they were old enuf to drink.

    There are some things that can only be learned thru experience/over time. Real love is at the top of that list. I wd have argued my 13-yr-old- self blue in the face trying to convince anyone who doubted our feelings that he & I were 'really in love'. (And it was a secret relationship for 2 yrs./becuz I wasn't allowed to date til I was 16. By then/he was away at college & all the other guys had long since given up on asking me out!)
    For me (& I think most of the people over 25 in this room wd agree with me) what makes love real is committment. Anybody can 'fall in love' & play boyfriend & girlfriend/until one of them gets bored & moves on. And no -- not every relationship is supposed to last or lead to marriage ge -- esp. when you're young. But sooner or later/you've gotta committ/or it's bullshit. You're just playing at love.

    Real love is not sex. The sex you have as a teenager may be great/but trust me, Jones -- you'll enjoy it 100 times more when you're a few yrs. older/more experienced/& not forced to sneak into someone's basement in the middle of the nite just to get some. (But pls. -- if you're into sex/USE CONDOMS-- EVERY TIME!) Real love is deeper than great sex. And it's bigger than 'intense feelings' that toss you around like a tin can in a tornado. EVERYTHING is intense when you're a teen & experiencing all those Firsts. But the test you got a C on/or the fly ball you missed/or the joke someone told at yr expense in Math class -- things that made you feel like dying yesterday -- are usually all but forgotten by the time the weekend rolls around. Then some other insanely intense shit will happen.... That's what h.s. is like.

    Most of the people who are yr best friends now will not be part of yr lives by the time you come back home for Xmas break during yr 1st year of college. And it's the same way with the people you think you're so terribly in love with now. It's not bad that they don't stay with you -- it's just a function of change. And you will change a great deal over the next 5 or 6 years of yr lives -- esp. in terms of yr values & opinions/the things that matter to you. So why do you protest so loudly that you are so capable of such great & lasting love/when you know so little abt who you really are & what you have to offer in a realtionship -- (vs. what you want from one)? You have to do some growing up -- a lot of growing up -- in order to begin to understand & appreciate what real love means.

    If this place is still around in 10 years/I invite you all to come back then & tell me what you remember abt the relationship you're involved in today -- vs. what you have learned abt love by the time you're 23 or 25 or 28.

    I guess the only thing I can compare it to is writing. People have told me what I 'great writer' I was since I was 8 yrs. old & won a short story contest at school. And I figured, okay, I was pretty good. But when I look back at some of the stories & essays & poetry I wrote in h.s./& even in college/I am amazed at how far I've come/how much I've learned abt writing -- esp. in the past 4 or 5 years. You will all feel the same way abt love when you look back on yr present relationships a few years from now. So don't get all attitudinal when older people tell you you don't understandwhat lovereally is at this point. When most of you are my age/you'll be saying the same thing to yr own teenagers -- mainly to keep them from slitting their wrists/or catching AIDS/or running away from home/just becuz thet think they're in love.


By Markus on Tuesday, April 14, 1998 - 12:38 pm:
    R.C. said it all here; everything that I couldn't be bothered to type out at great length, because the reward for that is more abuse from people who won't and can't understand. Everything in life is intense and new when you're an infant. And then a whole new set of vital things suddenly become intense and new when you're a teen. And after you've experienced them for a while, you get a perspective on what is really life or death and what is something less so. We've been there; we've been here; we can say this. I'm not interested much in debating it with people who haven't been in both places, so just mutter profanity at the screen and get on with it.
By Scrunch on Tuesday, April 14, 1998 - 06:52 pm:
    R.C.,

    Now that you explain things a little more on the subject, it looks a bit clearer. I know how big of a brat I must sound like, and I AM sorry. I know that it's no excuse, but I was in a really bad mood yesterday and you know how it is when you have PMS.

    Even though you were just stating your opinion on the other message board, it hurt. I thought of you as someone I could talk to about everything, and all the sudden it felt like you had turned on me. Luckily, things have gotten better since then. I've stopped the whole wrist thing, and am confident that I won't go back to it. There's times that I still think that maybe it might make me feel better to do it (a mind thinks in messed up ways) but push away the thought and deal with whatever has upset me.

    I'm glad that you can see where I'm coming from when I try to defend my being in love with Jordan. So many adults have told me that "love isn't for kids", "young love is puppy love", "your feelings aren't real", or something or other. What I'm feeling now is more real than anything I've ever felt before. At first I didn't worry about it too much, but now that Jordan has the internet he has read all the things that have been said (or wrote). I guess he's gotten over it now, but before he was worried that I might actually listen to you guys and dump him, because it was "impossible for us to be in love at our age." But if we were not in love, then what are we? If love feels better than this, then I can't wait to experience it.

    I hope that you can forgive me. What I said was selfish and immature. I also hope that it didn't forever imprint me as a dense, unrespectful, adolescent bitch in your mind.

    ~Heather~
By Golden Boy on Tuesday, April 14, 1998 - 07:36 pm:
    Pass me a tissue......

    oh and CAVEAT INTERNETUS

    r.c. yet again you spill your wisdom upon our coffeetable!!

    hmmm.....luv thing, so tricky, odd, elusive, virulent, potent, sexy, soft, modern, romantic, and pissy.....

    someday r.c.

    i'll let you know when too....down to the minute....
By R.C. on Thursday, April 16, 1998 - 09:45 pm:
    GB, you're a fool! {{HI}} Hope yr foot is better. And when are you gonna post something at yr damn website!?

    Scrunch, you're forgiven. Just take care of You. And have the courage to reach out & TALK TO SOMEONE (f-2-f) if the urge to hurt yrself returns. Nobody/at 13 or 37 or 93/makes it thru this world without the help & friendship of others. Every burden is lighter when you share the load with someone.
By Xxxchris on Monday, April 20, 1998 - 02:06 am:
    R.C.--I appreciate your explaining yourself (my my, so many thanx and apologies for you), and I can buy all of what you said. I just think (or maybe my fiery teenage groin thinks) that "love" can be different things at different times in our lives. When I say "I love you" to someone now, I know that it means something different than what it will 20 years from now. As transient and hyped-up as teenage feelings are, I think they're still valid, so long as people (teens and otherwise) understand that such feelings are fleeting.

    This sort of feels like im talking to my parents, when i desperately want them to accept my thinking (for my own gain), but all along I kind of know they're right, and i get mad at them as a result.

    sigh, a curse on this turbulent adolescence

    oh, yeah, Jones was a dorky pseudonym
By R.C. on Tuesday, April 21, 1998 - 08:48 pm:
    Truly. But at least you didn't pick Dirk Diggler. We got lotsa Chrisses, but you're the 1st xxxchris. And pls. man -- Use Condoms --every time! The only 2 groups in which the rate of new AIDS cases has increased in theU .S.in the last 3 years are kids 15-20 & senior citizens over 50. So you gotta be careful -- all the time.
By XxxChristopher on Wednesday, April 22, 1998 - 12:33 am:
    Jeez, I thank God that I had the opportunity to do my older brothers football player friends before aids came around.

    I found a Jack Chick comic on MUNI today (the municipal rail system in SF), and it was called "That Crazy Guy". This nice teenge girl is encouraged to do the nasty with this disco looking weenie and gets the clap. When she goes to see the doctor he has the good graces to let her know that she is going to roast in hell for all eternity, as well as having a nasty burning sensation when she pee's.

    So xxxchris, remember to wear a cap, and avoid the nasty burning sensations in your groin and as well as in hell...
By Xxxchris on Wednesday, April 22, 1998 - 02:45 am:
    eek, with such terrors out there it'll be a wonder if i even get it up
    now this really feels like parent-kid talk time ("...so whatever you do, remember to give your jimmy a hat"), but i get the point.

    yes, xxx is good. the "xxx" symbol is taking over my life, cause its the subject of my AP Studio Art concentration
By Pete on Wednesday, April 22, 1998 - 06:29 am:
    Which brings us back to the topic of internet porn...
By MrLMOlson on Sunday, May 3, 1998 - 12:46 am:
    I think the whole term love is a bit troublesome, because it seems to totally devalue a lot of different types of feelings and relationships which are quite valid and powerful, even if they don't go as far as a strict definition of true love. I know that I can feel very strong feelings for people, which I can clearly distinguish from plain ole horniness, but which I also wouldn't catergorize as love. But, if I am unable to say "I love you," because it's not true, is the entire relationship MEANINGLESS? I say no.
By Scrunch on Sunday, May 3, 1998 - 01:48 am:
    But what if you wear your heart on your sleeve and give it away freely only to find that you've said that you've loved like 20 people by the time you're 14? Not that I've done that or anything. I've only actually said it to one person. (And I honest to God meant it. He makes all other crushes seem sensless and fake.) Anyway, I was just wondering.
By Jedi on Sunday, May 3, 1998 - 01:54 pm:
    Right. So you don't have to say you love people to have a satisfactory relationship. At least while your a teenager, I think it's okay to basically ASSUME you're NOT in love, at least for a VERY long time, before you really start considering it. Fact is, when you get a really strong attatchment to someone, you are apt to think, "Well, I must LOVE them." And of course, most likely that is NOT the case, so the wisest course of action to to NOT trust one's feelings about anything, because for the most part they tend to be QUITE transient. I for one, have basically come to distrust just about anything I feel, and hold onto opinions just about arbitrarily.
By Megan on Friday, June 19, 1998 - 02:51 pm:
    How can I love you if I don't even know you?
By M.F on Tuesday, May 1, 2001 - 04:07 pm:

    I want recive any photo and some information about teenge girl

By Islya on Tuesday, May 1, 2001 - 05:39 pm:

By blindswine on Tuesday, May 1, 2001 - 06:03 pm:

    jesus.

    that was painful.


By Nate on Tuesday, May 1, 2001 - 06:06 pm:

    shit swine, i'm sure she's a nice girl.

By K on Wednesday, May 2, 2001 - 12:12 am:

    there's a bruise on her leg.

    oh yea. and she has no pubic hair.

    that too.

By Jada on Wednesday, May 2, 2001 - 10:58 pm:

    Kat, I have used the line, I just want to be friends and had someone say it to me as well. Now i find myself saying it every time i meet someone,i guess i want to be the one who says it first rather than hearing it.

By dave. on Thursday, May 3, 2001 - 12:22 am:

    jada, kat posted that 3 years ago.

    weren't they cute back then?

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