THIS IS A READ-ONLY ARCHIVE FROM THE SORABJI.COM MESSAGE BOARDS (1995-2016). |
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By Leelee on Friday, May 15, 1998 - 10:34 pm: |
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By BOYER on Saturday, May 16, 1998 - 11:40 am: |
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By Slacker on Tuesday, May 19, 1998 - 02:19 am: |
"fear" |
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562 709 155 866 frankfurt christchurch buenos aires york five five five FIVE FIVE FIVE orange yellow green orange yellow red orange orange ORANGE st. petersburg homsfkloph squirrel blue jay rabbit NEW YORK SANTA MONICA FRESNO SANTA FE DALLAS ANTIOCH rome cairo tokyo gential germain geranium fist fuck felch cheap wine in boxes POEM PROSE TECHNICAL WRITING CERTIFICATE shit fuck goddamn motherfucker crap cunt pussy dick cock motherhell butch cassidy & the sundance kid (1969) mccabe & mrs. miller (1971) dr. strangelove (1964) raising arizona (1987) rear window (1954) a shot in the dark (1964) in the car in the bathroom (public) by the airport on the beach that's all the infprmation, M.F. report to H.Q. immediately. speak with J.K. you will be provided with your next assignment then. 1003200010020100305005010100401040 |
cyst, you have a boyfriend these days, isn't that correct? how is that going for you? i want to talk about the sacrifices and the rewards. these are selfish questions. the reality of what i'm about to get myself into is just now starting to sink in. it's Lei Day here in hawaii. today is the very first day i don't feel like absolute shit about myself since having surgery. i walked down to chinatown and bought fresh flower leis for everyone in my department, and i spent $12 on an extra special lei for myself. i ran into Glen and he said, wow, every time i see you, you look better and better. i said thank you and showed him my abdominal brace, but inside my first thought was, you should have seen me 6 weeks/10 lbs ago. still, it was nice. it helped. i've been so self conscious, more than usual. in any case, all of downtown honolulu is happy today. everyone is drenched in fresh flowers and smiles, hawaiian music is being played in the town central park. i wish i had a digital camera. today is the type of day i could spend all day wandering around taking photos of innocuous little bits of hawaiiana and people who don't live here or have never been here might actually get it. it's that sort of day. it's perfect. every year the brothers cozemero play slack key at the waikiki shell on Lei Day. you go early with your bentos and beers and blankets and beach chairs and hang out and talk story. then the music starts and the sun sets and it's warm and breezy and perfect and everyone sings. the keikis dance. my step brother and his wife are staying with me. they are on their honeymoon. they just spent a week on kauai and a week on maui, and they're staying with me for a few days before they go back to Detroit. they're picking me up from work and we're going to pick up some sushi and beer and cruise down to the park and see if we can get into the show. her ring is platinum with a giant diamond. he took out a loan. true love comes in many forms, this is what i'm starting to realize. the lesson i've learned is that you can only love yourself. of course, you hear this all the time and can recognize its truth intellectually, but adopting it and making it your own is another thing entirely. as soon as you look to someone else to love you, you put your happiness in the wrong hands, you make someone else responsible for making you feel happy and loved and complete. this is bad news. i am happy with or without kevin. perhaps i'll be happier with him. he's my best friend and we have this rare, abject honesty as the foundation of this friendship. the decision i've made feels right. i know there is no guarantee that there will be happily every after, but deep in my gut i know this is the real thing. i knew it from the first time i met him, actually. but kevin worries. i don't worry. even though there are times of deep frustration and self-doubt, i am in love with life in a way only that living in hawaii all these years has taught me. he hasn't grokked it; i wonder if he will get a glimpse of this when he visits, though in 10 days you can barely scratch the surface. he can see it in me and marvels over it and i think he loves me in part because he hopes he can learn the trick too. but now he's a lot caught up in the paradigm of lack rather than abundance. he has expectations and i have very, very few. i will not hesitate to leap into the next adventure because otherwise life is worthless and dull, and i'm ready to try something new. the result may or may not be as fulfilling as the adventure itself. change never comes without sacrifice. i always said... getting what you want in life is easy; the hard part is deciding what you are willing to sacrifice to get what you want. sometimes you sacrifice chocolate and peanut butter and ice cream and coca cola. sometimes it's time that could have been spent with friends and family. sometimes you sacrifice your career. sometimes it's a pretty new dress, a nice bottle of wine, or a night out on the town. sometimes you sacrifice Lei Day and surfing and forgetting to wear shoes to work. but i'm not sure anything in life is worth the sacrifice of your dreams. i'm ready for the next thing, a dreamed i've dreamed for so long and now it's almost here, but that doesn't mean i'm not scared, and also desperately sad. |
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well, maybe i did |
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oddly enough, the word that comes to mind is "detachment". i'm not wise. i'm fumbling around just like everyone else. maybe the only difference is that i can't seem to stop trying. oh, and patrick... the jeans have to be no bigger than size 6, otherwise life is nothing but obsessive misery. |
speaking of jeans....the wife has been working with a small but up and coming jean maker called Earl Jeans. In fact, she did their fall/winter sweater line, which is a first for the jean maker. anyway, she has numerous pairs they have given her (these fuckers retail $150-200)...and man, them some hot ass jeans. HOT ASS! |
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If the latter i would agree with you...when i say "fuck-me-pumps" thats really what I'm referring to. I'm not sure I know what a "pump" is when it comes to womens shoes. |
Guys... Please... Fuck I need to sleep more. |
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purrrr. |
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that's as it should be. (her pictures are great btw) and just because we don't vocalize it as much...(ok, maybe it's just me)...i check out boy lumps just as slyly as guys check out breasts. it's always a kick to see a guy trying to hide a boner. last night Rex and I were watching a movie. He was wearing these Guatemala pants we bought at some little shop in Adams Morgan. I leaned up against him, and next thing you know..."Wooosh". Tent pole. That fascinates me. So I started picking on him. Bent down and growled at it... He looked at me and said, "Oh don't you worry girly, it's not afraid of you." |
spent some time there....by the zoo. literally, right across it.....love that area, up around Conn. Ave. Watch out for diplomats in fast german cars though....those fuckers have no regard. Yes it is a slight cruel joke of nature...the boner that is. not to mention the public boner. sometimes i think the wife just likes to be slightly cruel...in public, with boners. Kmart or the grocery store are no place for a boner. |
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i'd really rather not draw any more attention to it...It is indeed "special" but lets leave it at that. |
ok..so let's leave it at that. |
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Love has no definition?!!..So what ? DOes bullshit have a one ?... Don't love love too much!!.. |