....fodder


sorabji.com: Do you love me?: ....fodder
THIS IS A READ-ONLY ARCHIVE FROM THE SORABJI.COM MESSAGE BOARDS (1995-2016).

By patrick on Thursday, March 14, 2002 - 06:42 pm:

    would you agree that women who fall in love with men, fall more in love with the *image* of the man, more so than the man himself?



    *wafts*


    discuss


By Ernie on Thursday, March 14, 2002 - 07:34 pm:

    i would agree that this is going nowhere.


By Bubbles on Thursday, March 14, 2002 - 07:44 pm:

    how sad your life must be


By semillama on Thursday, March 14, 2002 - 07:45 pm:

    I don't know the slightest thing about women
    falling in love with men, and I am not sure how
    often that really happens anyway.


By patrick on Thursday, March 14, 2002 - 07:59 pm:

    you talkin to me bubbles?


    my life is pretty darn good, can't complain too much at all.



By patrick on Thursday, March 14, 2002 - 08:00 pm:

    i understand sem....it was a thought posed to me by someone else, a woman, just thought Id throw it out and see whats what.


By Bubbles on Thursday, March 14, 2002 - 10:08 pm:

    just keep telling yourself that Patrick


By Platypus on Thursday, March 14, 2002 - 11:49 pm:

    yes.

    first impressions can make a big difference. especially with shallow women who might build up a personality based on a couple of coversations--then they fall in love with the image.

    maybe that's why so women dump boys once they get them.


By moonit on Friday, March 15, 2002 - 12:43 am:

    I think some women confuse lust with love.

    I lust after vin diesel, but I bet we wouldnt be compatible.


By Spider on Friday, March 15, 2002 - 08:35 am:

    I think it's impossible to answer a statement like this because every woman is different. Every man is different. Every person is different. Some people fall in love with images. Some people fall in love with ghosts. Some people fall in love with people. Some people don't fall in love.


By patrick on Friday, March 15, 2002 - 11:39 am:

    im being told i have a sad life by someone named "bubbles". IT DOESNT GET ANY BETTER THAN THAT!






    sure spider, understandable, on a general level.

    shall i make it a personally directed question in order to attempt to make an interesting thread without any political crap what so ever? Ultimately thats what I was trying to do.


    The situation, in which this woman-friend revealed this thought to me, involved her increasing disapointment in her boyfriend, not so much because of who he was or what he had done but because she, after several years, had created this image. The image was based on that initial stage of love when everyone is on their best behavior and any stray from this image just disapointed her to such an extent that she inevitably ended up hurting her boyfriend for no seriously justified reasons.

    Have any of the woman here found themselves in a similar predicament? guys?


By agatha on Friday, March 15, 2002 - 11:53 am:

    generally, i have found that the very qualities that initially draw me to someone end up being the main source of frustration with said person in the long run. one of the main reasons i was attracted to dave involved his strong silent demeanor. now, when i am pissed off about something and attempt to discuss it with him, his standard response is a blank stare followed by silence. sometimes, it makes me want to punch a wall.

    that being said, i still think he's cute and funny.


By Nate on Friday, March 15, 2002 - 12:17 pm:

    "I think it's impossible to answer a statement like this because every woman is different. Every man is different. Every person is different."

    this is my arguement against psychology as a science.


By Spider on Friday, March 15, 2002 - 12:23 pm:

    Let it go.


By Antigone on Friday, March 15, 2002 - 12:44 pm:

    "this is my arguement against psychology as a science"

    This is my argument against Nate as rational.


By Nate on Friday, March 15, 2002 - 12:54 pm:

    losers.


By pez on Friday, March 15, 2002 - 01:31 pm:

    infatuation is not logical.

    pov is an important matter. as one learns more about a person, they may or may not like what they see. simple as pie.


By heather on Friday, March 15, 2002 - 03:10 pm:

    people in general have a sad idea of what love is


    i just found out that all of my friends are divorced, except for the ones that have babies.


By patrick on Friday, March 15, 2002 - 03:12 pm:

    what is love heather?


By Gulp on Friday, March 15, 2002 - 03:17 pm:

    Love is always swallowing.


By heather on Friday, March 15, 2002 - 03:33 pm:

    maybe my idea is sad too


By Antigone on Friday, March 15, 2002 - 03:58 pm:

    Love is never having to say, "I'm soft as an easy chair."


By Cat on Friday, March 15, 2002 - 04:32 pm:

    lovetard.


By eri on Friday, March 15, 2002 - 05:11 pm:

    If it is any consolation, heather, all of my friends who have had kids are divorced, and the ones that never had kids are still together.


By patrick on Friday, March 15, 2002 - 05:56 pm:

    im sure that makes her feel better.


By wisper on Saturday, March 16, 2002 - 02:00 am:

    that makes me feel better, woo-hoo!


By Daniel ssss on Saturday, March 16, 2002 - 09:59 am:

    Cute and funny makes up for a lack of love anyday. At least. I know nothing. It's like the Andrea Yates thing: no one's opinion is better than the next.

    I have kids, I'm divorced, everybody survived, I still love my ex, but there's no way in the world we could live together without killing eachother. Too much tragedy, too much hurt. I have nothing to add about divorce: some people should never marry in the first place.

    Just treat em the way you would want to be treated, with honor, respect, diligence, caring, trust, humor, touch, frequent silly little gifts, sly smiles and passionate lovemaking.

    The world'd be a better place. Like I said: I know nothing; just ask any one of you out there...


By Ophelia on Saturday, March 16, 2002 - 11:34 am:

    Yeah...I wish i had any experience with love at all. At the moment i care little about what happens after the happy little "first stage of love". I have so many guy friends, but i get along with them like im just one of thier buddies. This is cool, but i have no idea how to get any further than that. Most of them i'm perfectly happy being just friends with. But there's one guy i have been just friends with for way too long. bah.


By pez on Sunday, March 17, 2002 - 07:16 pm:

    it happens. don't worry about it.

    love triangles, or as it seems lately, love webs suck. tons and tons of over-complicated relationships.... and there's nothing you can do except be yourself. and try not to get hurt too often.


By J on Monday, March 18, 2002 - 12:45 am:

    I've been hitched 25 years with children,it's been hell.


By eri on Monday, March 18, 2002 - 08:26 am:

    Married with a baby, divorced single parent, remarried with children. Single life was hell. I am glad to be married.


By J on Monday, March 18, 2002 - 11:26 am:

    I don't mind being married,but the offspring is a whole other story.


By Daniel ssss on Monday, March 18, 2002 - 11:35 am:

    I was married for 17 years, and divorced single parent for 13. Who wants a guy with experience?

    Really. I'm terribly lucky with my two sons in whom I am more than well pleased, and so very grateful.


By eri on Monday, March 18, 2002 - 11:44 am:

    The offspring can tend to drive me to drink, but I look at them when they crawl in my lap and say "I love you" and that just makes it all good.

    Daniel, I know lots of women who want men with experience. Just look in the single mom section.


By J on Tuesday, March 19, 2002 - 12:12 am:

    Yes Eri,I remember the good times too,they use to fight to sit by me,now it's just a matter of who kills me in my sleep for the credit cards.


By Daniel ssss on Tuesday, March 19, 2002 - 02:31 am:

    I hear that,yes. I'd like someone who wants me for more than my genteel experienced demeanor, er, I mean, for my money....


    Ha!


By heather on Tuesday, March 19, 2002 - 02:50 am:

    i want to know




    and the baby makes her fall asleep by 9


    i'd like someone who wants me for more than my dragon-lagy fingernails, i mean my secret family recipe for liver and onions


By eri on Tuesday, March 19, 2002 - 09:35 am:

    Maybe it is because my kids are still young that I wouldn't change much. I do FEAR the teenage years. They are both so strong willed, that I think I am in for hell, and just when I get one off to college the other hits puberty! Who am I kidding, Hayley is halfway there already. Next week I will probably be taking her bra shopping! This is my luck.

    Micki is 2 so she is still in the fun toy phase, and the only real challenge is the typical she doesn't want to do what she is told.

    There is nothing wrong with being loved for your dragon lady nails!!!!


By sarah on Tuesday, March 19, 2002 - 04:06 pm:


    i think women fall in love with the way a man makes them feel about themselves.

    and vice versa.




By patrick on Tuesday, March 19, 2002 - 04:56 pm:

    A woman falls in love.

    Is a man there after responsible when she may not feel so good about herself? If so, is this justified?

    I appreciate your post as I thought this could be an interesting discussion.


By eri on Tuesday, March 19, 2002 - 05:35 pm:

    Is a man there after responsible when she may not feel so good about herself? If so, is this justified?

    Only if the man has done something directly to hurt how she feels about herself, and that goes both ways. If the woman hurts the man's self image then she is responsible for making him feel better about himself.

    Before I started dating spunky I worked very hard to decide who I was and who I wanted to be and am always working on being that person I want to be. I love who I am now and would only change this to grow personally. Spunky understands this and is good at helping me keep things in perspective. Hopefully I do the same for him, help him be the man he wants to be.


By patrick on Tuesday, March 19, 2002 - 05:44 pm:

    can anyone truly be responsible for another's self image?

    I mean really.....its easy to fall into that way of thinking but do you really give such power to others that they can almost control how YOU view yourself?

    I try my best not to give that to anyone.

    "Only if the man has done something directly to hurt how she feels about herself.."

    Food for thought....say I call my wife a "big ole fat hog who smells like space doody". What should make her feel bad? That i THINK she is a big ole fat hog when she knows damn well she's not or the fact that Im being such a prick to say such an untrue and mean-spirited statement? The latter is more sensible isnt it? It doesn't give me the power of altering her self image, thats her department, not mine.


    While waiting for Sarah's input....I will say i think its wrong to look to anyone else for self imagery.


By eri on Tuesday, March 19, 2002 - 06:24 pm:

    I do agree that it is wrong to look to others for self imagery.

    I unfortunately know quite a few people who take things that aren't necessarily directed at that and turn it into that, they usually rebel against what was said and make it even worse. An example would be my cousin. She was a beautiful person with long blonde hair and big brown eyes and she was always chunky and a big wuss about anything that required physical activity. She had a good heart and was one of the most cosniderate of any of us. She got involved with a man who doesn't tell her "she's fat" but refuses to have sex with her because "she needs to take better care of herself". She internalizes this and it eats her up. She rebels against it saying there isn't anything wrong with her, and he needs to get over it and then takes even worse care of herself. To the point where her health is jeapordized by it. She is now 5'1" tall and about 350 lbs. She doesn't bathe on a regular basis, her golden curls are ratted brown matts, she is unbelievably selfish. She has let him have an effect on her self outlook and the girl and woman I once knew has completely disappeared. The only thing we can talk about is her mothers alcoholism and addictions. She has completely lost herself now. Because she let him do this. I think it is wrong. She still did it, and I think by the time she realized it (if she has yet) she didn't think enough of herself to change.


By patrick on Tuesday, March 19, 2002 - 07:11 pm:

    ok.

    so.

    the guy was a jerk.

    she chose to stay with him.

    she let herself go.

    what does he have to do with that?


By Cat on Tuesday, March 19, 2002 - 09:04 pm:

    I want someone who will love me for my ugly toes and screechy-singing in the shower.


By Daniel ssss on Wednesday, March 20, 2002 - 01:03 am:

    Some people wouldn't know love if they stubbed their toe on it.

    Cute and funny make up for ugly toes and poor musical talents, most of the time.

    Sometimes cute and funny can't cut it either. Shared experience, mutual respect, supportive loyalty, and honest vulnerability all go a long way to make up for cute and funny.


By patrick on Wednesday, March 20, 2002 - 11:35 am:

    "Cute and funny make up for ugly toes and poor musical talents, most of the time"

    nah.









    in keeping with sorabji tradition....










    severe and volatile ass sex will make up for these anyday, anyhow!


By Semillama on Wednesday, March 20, 2002 - 02:33 pm:

    Your toes can't be anywhere near as ugly as
    mine, cat. I can't comment on the screetchy-
    singing part, although sometimes I do sing to
    the cats when I am in the shower, which can
    border on screechy.


By pez on Wednesday, March 20, 2002 - 03:55 pm:

    i love my toes. they are beautiful long nearly prehensile toes.

    sometimes (alot of the time lately) people i like make me feel bad, but i can justify it because i know they don't mean what they say in the way i want to take it. i leave them alone for awhile because they're grumpy.

    that sounds overly simplistic, but it's true.

    you have to realize that it's not your fault, and you can't mean a thing if your mind can be swayed that easily. understand that life is all about compromise, but never be afraid to live your live exactly how you want it.

    * * *

    love is about acceptance and pushing for the better. it's about self-esteem and enjoying yourself. it's about flirting and walking and talking entirely too much, and the occasional ass-fuck (is that sorabji-ish enough?!?!).

    now i need to make sushi.


By Cat on Wednesday, March 20, 2002 - 06:36 pm:

    Sem, if you spent the majority of your formative teenage years prancing around on your toes, then your toes may come within a toe-whisker of mine.

    Don't you hate toe whiskers? Why don't more people wax their toes?


By Dougie on Wednesday, March 20, 2002 - 06:41 pm:

    I could be a Hobbit with my feet.


By Cat on Wednesday, March 20, 2002 - 06:42 pm:

    I don't know what love is about, which is why I'm talking toe whiskers instead. It must be something to do with laughing because I always love the ones who make me laugh.


By Cat on Wednesday, March 20, 2002 - 06:43 pm:

    My second toe from the big one looks like ET.


By Czarina on Saturday, March 23, 2002 - 02:27 am:

    Do you mean ET's prehensile type "phone home" finger?

    Or do you mean your second toe from the big one looks like ET,with an odd little face,and strange little personality characteristics?


By Daniel ssss on Saturday, March 23, 2002 - 03:04 am:

    dammit, sorabjiFate allowed my entirely too long post about "phoning home" to get lost in aol, and Cz beat me to it. Oh well, phone home anyway. Whiskers says hi.

    As do all the little piggies.


By Gee on Thursday, March 28, 2002 - 05:03 pm:

    Sometimes love makes me happy, and sometimes love makes me sad.

    being In Love made me sad all the time, but it doesn't always have to be that way.

    on the whole I think love is really quite pleasent.


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