| THIS IS A READ-ONLY ARCHIVE FROM THE SORABJI.COM MESSAGE BOARDS (1995-2016). |
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Lucy, Lucy... Where are you now? And will I ever see your face or hear your voice again? Sometimes we don't know what we've got till it's gone. Time flashes by. I see your face framed in my hands and look into your eyes. "I will love you forever," I swore to you then and here I am doing it now from afar. Not knowing where you are. Our lives now so far apart the distance and time fill the corridors of our past with an impenitrable web. No going back. I know, I know - I was stupid & immature. I think you deserved better from your friends here too. I regret having tried to "domesticate" you. You lived chaotic, but you *L*I*V*E*D*. That's how you were. I wonder if that is still how you are? It has been soo long since I checked back here, and I was way to busy to read it all and ponder the implications way back when. Now I've finally taken the time to work through most of the posts where things went really wrong. Piecing them together with what I know of our personal life together, I get the sense that you were terrified in a very real way by the intersection of your racial history with percieved threats of violence from those around you. Probably fueld in part by my own Jar-Head Road-Rage Stalkers. As well as the thought of having your life "pinned-down" by me. The last thing I would ever have wanted. The most beautiful feelings ever put to words, to describe me(!?), lie on a time wrinkled scrap of computer paper. Golden letters on a blue background - glowing. Inscribed on my soul. A poem of radient energy, celebrating the image of a single shaft of sunlight hitting my face as I slept, and the knowlege that we were connected, then and always. I know that the probability of you ever coming back to look over these boards is about nill, let alone responding here, but I have no other way of contacting you. You know where to find me now. Where I always was. Where you first found me. I will be at the End-Of-Run party with a croquet mallet in hand, trying to figure out a way to cheat, in an inhebriated state, to make the game more fun. - Rather |
Long ago I'd wake & kiss you Lucy... I don't want no one to diss you Lucy- But I got to reminisce you Lucy! Do you check it anymore dear Lucy... Since a long ago flamewar dear Lucy: Read: "Hey Rather, hit the door" dear Lucy, Posting whereabouts galore, dear Lucy! Never should of listened then sweet Lucy! Wish I could go back to when sweet Lucy! This is now and not again sweet Lucy... You're not here so why pretend. |
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----- By Disgusted Lucy on Tuesday, December 21, 1999 - ALL OF YOU PATHETIC PSEUDOLIBERAL BULLSHIT HERD ANIMALS SHOULD BE SHOT BEFORE YOU BREED. ------ ....i uhm, don't think she's coming back. |
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Look, all I was trying to do is leave Lucy Phurre some kind of message to let her know I still care and let her know I would like to contact her. But I even screwed that up. Lucy_Phurre - Please drop me a note (lather_one@yahoo.com) if you ever check these boards again, which I doubt. ...and please read what I wrote above. Always, -Lather (Rather) |
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try craigslist |
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Antigone, although you hit close enough to spook her, Lucy is not now and never was a SLAC employee. I would be very happy to see a post from Lucy, and if she tells me to leave off I would drop it. I hope she doesn't say that. |
Was she really that crazy? |
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you NEED to answer this question, i beg you. |
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Well... we definitely did a lot of crazy ass shit together. Burning Man '99, hosting that Loscon party in our hotel room, rave parties, all night Goth clubbing, trips to Reno, LA, SF, hitting up all these thrift stores for freaky threads, weird interactions with Russian coke dealers at 4am up in the city, and endless political/social discussions that many times ended up as whacked as the Lucy VS Patrick/Nate/Antigone/+sheep (sorry sheep - it's like "and the rest!" on Gilligan) flame wars here. Smoking out of a hookah pipe at the smoking bar in a Mediterranean restaurant while these belly-dancers danced above us, reclined back on a pile of pillows... I remember one time we were at this book signing with Sci-Fi writer Larry Niven & I was getting this book signed, "The Integral Trees". Larry Niven was just staring down Lucy's top the whole time, at her tits... That guy was my favorite author! It was funny. She made this spur-of-the-moment costume for our Loscon party out of some ripped black sheer pantyhose (as a "top"!?), a pair of horns, a broom-skirt, some latex, and two George Washington profiles (cut from the center of a dollar bill, as nipple pasties) - she went around to all the other parties, room to room, and brought back anyone she could entice away to get our party kick-started... That kind of psycho shit helped me focus on how fun life can be, at a time when my life had recently been torn apart. But I was carrying a very heavy burden at the time, supporting a large family from very far away and not being allowed contact with my children. In the end, I had to let go of everything and free-fall. I spent the next year living with friends, family, in the back of my truck, on a tent in the beach, etc. Working only when someone needed help and I needed money, eating when I had someone to eat with. I went where it seemed like I was supposed to go and did what it seemed like I was supposed to do. [Many cool and life changing experiences skipped over] I applied a lot of what I learned from Lucy, and a desire to leave a positive mark whenever I left, and the result was that somewhere along the way I re-discovered my original self (long dormant). That is probably why, when I went back on a spur of the moment and re-read the threads here, I started seeing connections between what was happening here and what I was dealing back then with in terms of Lucy and her mental state. Remember Lucy's "pay phone project" post about the old Hitler Youth guy seeking atonement in the Laundromat? Well there were other incidents like that, all the time. For instance, she traveled by train a lot and she ran into some dude that was lacing his boots up with red laces [an indication of skin-head association according to Lucy], who reportedly made thinly veiled threatening remarks to her. Then one time she went completely nuts on my dad (a gun-toting conservative) when I introduced them and they got into a "discussion" about all this Zionist VS Anti-Semite crap and whatever. Anytime I'd question her political/social statements, I'd find myself quickly backed up in a corner trying to avoid feeding her answers I'd heard my whole life from my Dad, because she would end up kind of threatening me. ...No, not really threatening, but ...hmm. Kind of saying that I was being a threat to her, or my dad was. Anyway, she did seem to draw weird attention from some kind of fascist elements a bit more than normal. I know she felt it was because she was "very recognizable" as being Jewish (which I didn't agree with). And I know she felt that she drew the same abnormally high anti-Semite or anti-female attention to her posts here. She was also genuinely afraid of Antigone or Nate or someone stalking her down and hurting her, it was not just a pretext to "get the last word". That I know. She was in a complete panic about the stalking issue. I suppose a lot of that kind of chaos all the time was definitely a contributing factor to us breaking up. Was she crazy? A bit high-strung at times, maybe. Ok, yes. Was I in love with her? Yes. Do I love her? Yes. Do I miss her? Yes. Lucy Phurre, Please don't be mad if you read this. I gave no personally identifiable information that was not already known here or which could be used to "track you down". Further, I don't really believe anyone here has or ever had any attention of really tracking you down and hurting you. I would like to hear from you, though, if you ever chance to stumble upon this thread in your wanderings. Yours always, Lather. |
But it's best to leave them in your memory. p.s. You write well. |
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and... "he was also genuinely afraid of Antigone or Nate or someone stalking her down and hurting her" me thinks she's locked up somewhere. |
NO ONE here would even wish a small harm to her |
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Look, sorry for the name-calling, ok? That was outta line and I apologize. No, I don't think I'm "validating" her fear, delusional or not. I merely acknowledge it. Believe me, we fought over this one. I felt like she was driving all of us away. I told her that. I am sad that her fear drove her to forsake her friends here. ...and yes, Anti- *ESPECIALLY* if she has nice tits! :p |
well, i say validating in the sense that you say she actually had a genuine fear. not that you supported it or anything but that she was actually afraid, which is just insane. |
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Hopefully if she did ever come back here she would be glad to see that she has been missed, and fondly remembered. As far as lurking, I am just enjoying the conversation here, and besides, isn't lurking when someone *DOESN'T* post??? I've been posting openly - I've nothing to hide. Cheers. |
we've gone years never knowing wtf was up with her, if she really meant the stalker stuff or if she was just playing around to annoy us. |
Like here: "...she would end up kind of threatening me. ...No, not really threatening, but ...hmm. Kind of saying that I was being a threat to her, or my dad was." Practically textbook behavior. Anyway, that's what I was a bit worried about back when she was posting all crazy like, especially when she talked about purchasing a gun in that context. Question for you: was she ever physically abusive? (Regardless of whether she hurt you or not. Did she ever try?) |
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Wisper, you're most welcome. Even though I never really got to know all of you very well, I still missed you. It has been fun re-living some of my treasured past with you. I know none of you ever meant to harm her, and I know she would never have tried to hurt any of you. Anti - No. She never got physically violent with me. It was just a major pressure to try to calm and re-assure her each time a new encounter or post sent her off into that chaotic fearful place where any negative comment was taken as a physical threat. You wondered why I would want to contact her again in the first place? Well I hope that you can understand from what I wrote, that Lucy was a very important part of my life... and no one is perfect. I miss her. I really do. I think she is missed here too. She was bright and vibrant and alive. She brought me back to life and tought me to live. I don't think she will be back, but I feel better having gotten this off my chest - and who knows? Maybe she does eventually read this and has a change of heart... C'mon baby-doll, let's cheat at croquet! :> Meet me at the End-Of-Run party, or at least email me: lather_one@yahoo.com |
I still think that if you can't find her through a google search, then your options are limited. You could always hire a private detective. Of course, if she hasn't gotten through her personal demons yet, hiring a PD is probably not going to be a positive thing... |
Nooo, I've pretty much said my piece here, and like Wisper said, it would be neat if she did end up emailing me because of this place. I've left my email address, and as you indicated: if she ever did stop in here again it would be a pretty good indication of Lucy having gotten her head straight & faced down those demons. So, if someday she does drop me an email note because of these posts, it will come as a welcome and pleasant surprise. You boyz & girlz take care now, and thanks for your help, input, and insight. Cheers! |