John Hodgman's "The Areas of My Expertise"

I don't doubt you. He stealthily cloaks his humor with a soothing, well-modulated voice. The end of his chapter on presidents and vice presidents: Given this new arrangement, [John] Adams lost interest completely in empowering the vice presidency. And so it remained the ceremonial deathwatch it was designed to be, with very few major changes over the years In 1804, the 12th Amendment did away with the runner-up scheme. And of course we have now fully abandoned the use of the Fetus Jar. Since 1950, most vice presidents have been encased in Lucite until they were needed, which is much more comfortable and hygienic. The exception, of course, is Dick Cheney, vice president to George W. Bush. While Bush is largely forgotten now, Cheney in his time was considered to have been the most powerful vice president in history. He not only exercised unprecendented influence upon Bush's policies, but also added to Adams's suggestions (and cape) a bold initiative of his own: The vice president should be draped with cobras. But whether this bodes a lasting change in the vice presidency or not remains to be seen. As an office with few formal obligations, its purpsose is written and rewritten by each who holds it. But it is almost certain Cheney will take the cobras with him when he goes. They are the only creatures he loves. Don't you want to fling your underwear at his feet?