| THIS IS A READ-ONLY ARCHIVE FROM THE SORABJI.COM MESSAGE BOARDS (1995-2016). |
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Is it as fucked up and depressing as "Cabaret"? If so, I'm in..... |
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beautiful cinematography. beautiful production design. beautiful costumes. great style. CRAP screenplay. CRAP. unwatchable. and the musical numbers? i'm sorry, but cribbing Billboard hits from the last 20 years in perverse and toneless amalgamations, i'm sorry, but this does not constitute creativity. dreadful. DREADFUL. if you go to see it, bring your matches, or Glade aerosol spray. |
MAYBE (and clearly thats a big MAYBE) i'll wait for video if i see it all...that way i can play my own soundtrack and just have the teley on in the background |
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save it for a rainy day or tell me to fuck off |
"if you go to see it, bring your matches, or Glade aerosol spray." or both. fire fire fire. |
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heather, i was thinking the same thing about 2 days ago. waffles used to do that too. but when daniel does it it's ok. why? it makes no sense. |
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spunky is just creamy man sauce. |
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Why are you taking crap from these people? Remember you're our token Republican and you got a rep to live up to. |
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actually, she's right. and not only that, but we need the token annoying sorabjiite. it used to be patrick. i can't remember who it was before him. oh wait, yes i do, but he was redeemed. maybe they all are eventually, who knows. anyway, someone's gotta take the reigns of annoyance, so go for it. |
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i'll admit, doughie, i've tried it once. the problem is once you get into it, you pop right out. having more than a partial kind of ruins the mood. or atleast makes the angles impossible. |
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seat in the 3rd row of a movie theater, eyes pined open Clockwork Orange style, and you’re being forced to watch every single episode of the Muppet Show at double and sometimes triple speed, through binoculars, on acid. This is but a taste of the pain I felt watching Moulin Rouge, or Moulin Rouge! as it likes to be called, because everything is so god awful loud about this thing, why shouldn’t the title be as well? The only way it could possibly be more loud and annoying is if Emeril was somehow involved. A bi-polar Koachrome migraine. It’s clear to me now that Baz Luhrman’s parents were somehow killed during the filming of a black & white silent film, and he’s been trying to deal with it ever since. I swear the concept sketches for this movie must look like a paintball target, or Toucan Sam’s vomit. Here’s your warning sign: Even the gay guys beside me thought it was too colourful… and that means PRETTY FUCKING COLURFUL. Good job Bazzy, you managed to film a whole movie in !!SuperSpazmoColour!!, a style that was until now saved only for camera or printer ads. Maybe it’s the years of intense colour theory classes talking here, but even seeing clips of this movie on tv makes me want to curl into a tearfull, whimpering ball on the floor, muttering: “colour bring pain… colour bring pain!!” Have you ever had motion sickness? Have you ever had motion sickness during a movie? Have you ever had motion sickness because of a movie? I don’t think it’s safe for small children or the elderly to view this. In fact, it’s a safe bet that people with epilepsy would have been killed by the trailers alone. But if you’re half deaf and colour blind, this is the one for you. Oh, and then about 30 minutes in (after what seems like a year of the old man screaming IF YOU CAN CAN CAN CAN!!!!! IF YOU CAN CAN CANCANCANCANCAN!!!!… fuck me, the script must have been typed in all caps..) Anyway, after everything you’ve seen in the commercials ends, the action dies and it becomes the longest, slowest march to Nicole Kidman’s painfully obvious death. Okay, I don’t mind the odd movie that gives away it’s (obvious, contrived) ending within the first 2 minutes. In the first scene, even. Here, the first few lines out of a character’s mouth. But not one that takes so DAMN long to get there. By the end I’m just begging her to die already so my eyes can stop bleeding and I can look at some nice, quiet Hallmark cards (and that wasn’t a spoiler just now, come on, you can tell she’s going to die in some tragic manor just by looking at the posters). And it’s so drawn out that only the loneliest of 13 year old girls would have been surprised. Or cared. The only thing the ending needed to be MORE desperately tear-jerking is a big flashing sign at the top of the screen, in a colour that only housewives can see (beige) that says: CRY NOW. Good things? That jedi boy can really sing. I was shocked. |
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I could watch that movie every day, is how much I enjoy it. |
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since we taped it off the dvd. I can't stop. |
Anyway, I just finished watching Moulin Rouge, and I'd like to say I agree with Sarah's old post above: beautiful cinematography. beautiful production design. beautiful costumes. great style. CRAP screenplay. CRAP. unwatchable. and the musical numbers? i'm sorry, but cribbing Billboard hits from the last 20 years in perverse and toneless amalgamations, i'm sorry, but this does not constitute creativity. dreadful. DREADFUL. if you go to see it, bring your matches, or Glade aerosol spray. And I would like to add: Seriously, dudes. Seriously. Ewan McGregor. Ewan. McGregor. ... Swoon and thud. That is all. |
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I'm going to see The Saddest Music in the World this weekend, which also has a very stylized look to it. I can't wait. |
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In terms of Ewan McGregor being hot in Big Fish, not really -- he was dressed as a southern gentleman, looking very American. He does have a nice smile though. I think if I were a woman, I'd find Johnny Depp very hot -- I loved him in Pirates of the Caribbean. |
I've also been having (don't tell the beau) wet dreams about Jimmy Fallon lately too. Don't know where that came from but I hope it goes away fast. |
Then you can visit with some of the west coast folks while you are in Portland! |
Gee, I'm going to be a reading tutor on an Indian reservation in Montana for a year. What have you been up to these days? Dougie, I am glad to see the power of Ewan's smile knows no gender/sexual orientation boundaries. Johnny Depp *is* hot in Pirates of the Caribbean. I remember this exchange taking place before I saw it: By Antigone on Tuesday, July 8, 2003 - 05:09 pm:But then, after the movie, I realized that Antigone had been right after all. Damn him! |
That is so cool. That's like something out of a Neutral Milk Hotel song. I am so excited to see this movie, and I anticipate it becoming one of my favorites. I so hope it doesn't disappoint. |
That movie, however, is a steaming bowl of crap. Tim Burton, you're still fired. |
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and yeah. tina fey.... |
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ANYway. I made the mistake of seeing it alone in a near-empty theatre, because if you are going to suffer through it, you'll need your friends and/or a responsive audience to laugh with. The whole thing is a non-stop "What the...how....I don't....WHAAA-?" moment. Like, how/why do Dracula and his Brides reproduce via egg sacs? And why do they reproduce at all, when they could just, you know, "turn" some village folk or whatever. Seriously, haven't the writers watched Buffy? Vampires are sterile. And just how was one character's comment of "Yes, it makes sense that a dead thing would give birth to other dead things" supposed to clear it all up for us? I mean, WHAT? Also, really bad CGI. |
Yea, I'd say its not so much that jimmy fallon's hot, as he is cute. Its a much different lust I have than say for David Bowie. And if Hugh Grant could ever fix his fucking teeth... |
I heard that Kate Beckinsale said she wanted to do this role because she wanted to do something different after "Underworld". Right. Because that movie had vampires and werewolves and...uh, wait. the best thing about "Van Helsing" movie was that I spent the entire flick trying to figure out who friar Carl was, and then finally, hours after I had left the theater, I remembered that it was my beloved Faramir. David Wenham, the future Mr. Gee. who, by the way, was also in "Moulin Rouge!" |
"QualiTy." mmmm. |
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Why you should see Van Helsing The thumbnail sketch reasons: its a visual rollercoaster ride and a HALF, hoo BOY, is it!; a pretty damned good homage to all of the old Universal monster films with a few fun Tim Burton-esque touches; and it DOES expand on who and what the character of Van Helsing was "about" in an original manner, so it has as much story to it as any of the subsequent post-"Dracula" flicks such as "House of Frankenstein" or the Hammer stable. The opening segment is in black and white, heh and the Universal emblem is woven right into it in a classic, classy manner. Don't miss the CLOSING credits, either; they're eerily animated and a component worth staying for. There are some funny lines to it and a few oddball "extras," such as a brief sequence with Mr. Hyde, of all things. The section where a twitchy monk shows Van Helsing a new array of weapons is a hoot and not a small tip towards the James Bond device. (There's a line emitted briefly in the background during that scene which had me laughing for 20 minutes and I couldn't explain it if I WAS prone to give it away, because it hinges so fully on a physical action taken by the monk.) Its operatic in its tragedy and its hokey elements would have done Bela proud. It is a good melding of all the old cliches, ON STEROIDS. That sainted bastard Blackout dissed it up front, yet has not SEEN it. The critics on Yahoo give it a C, most viewers a B; I think that speaks fairly well of it, although I always decide for myself. I fully agree that a wad of FX with no story is a waste of time, but the wholesale tendency to trash most current fantasy films is rather bogus. "Titan A.E." was no intellectual weight-lifting contest, but it had a base rationale and classic sci-fi/Errol Flynn-type swashbuckling going for it and was thus worth my time. In the case of most such films, the same could be said. Until you reach the realm of "The Lathe of Heaven" or "2001: A Space Odyssey," that's what these particular movies are FOR. Even the best Harryhausen offering was about "Look out! There's a MONSTER in town!," yet there's scarcely a dog in the lot. It seems to me that many view these flicks with some high standard or preconceived demands and that's a shame. I use one general mindset for campy fantasy, another for Kurosawa, yet another for the recent, very enjoyable "Hidalgo" and a fourth for straight character plays such as "To Kill A Mockingbird," "The Pawnbroker," the quirky, violent "Things To Do In Boulder When You're Dead," Anthony Hopkins' sobering "Remains Of The Day" or the gradually more dark performance of Andy Griffith, of all people, in "A Face In The Crowd." You'd probably not stop to watch this last film and that would be a mistake; its Griffith's best work as a bumpkin radio star who gradually turns into a megalomanaical monster, also stars Patricia Neal in a similarly uncharacteristic role as his horrified promoter and gives you a slice of Pink Americana that will be especially chilling to SubGeeners. We know our enemy! Its disingenuous to act all snooty and jaded when you should KNOW "Spider-Man 2" isn't going to rival "Cleopatra." If you go to Burger King and bitch because there is no tempura, get fisted! A movie is perhaps the greatest art form because it generally weaves so many of all the OTHERS into itself at once. Any 12 musicians will give you 12 variations on even a traditional song, much less what they might emit if asked to write something entirely their own. (BTW, Alan Silvestri's soundtrack for "Van Helsing" is huge, excellent and a meaningful component; its a real step up from his work for "Back To The Future.") A Critic tells you whether or not its Art; a Reviewer tells you whether or not its any FUN. "Van Helsing" is FUN and well worth at least one good, solid viewing. Hey, it even has VAMPIRE titties, whoo hoo! Its seemingly being judged prematurely, on the wrong terms and that's a shame, as its a very fine work of its type. I hope it makes a fair profit, because the craft, the hard work involved and the affection for Universal monster history are all quite evident. How can I not give a respectful nod when Frankenstein's monster is presented as SHELLY'S version, a thinking, moral being? Its a minor aspect, but hey, they Did Right and the small touches are always oh so important. If you don't "like" such fare, you won't like it; if you do, its hard to imagine you wouldn't grin real big like the girlfriend and I did afterwards and say "What a rush!" -- HellPope Huey, First Church of the SubGenius, Deformed Damned if you do, damned if you throw hamsters at passing cars "The future of music is in this room... ... and there's no one there." - Owner of The Jam Box, a practice-warehouse for Seattle bands "Nothing is a complete load." - "Futurama" |
This is completely accurate. |
And um, like, if I remember correctly, that particular scene was set during the day....when the werewolf would have been human. And since there was a werewolf of some kind or other throughout the entire movie, it seems there are some werewolves out there that don't require a truly full moon to appear. Or this is an alternate reality in which a full moon lasts for several weeks. You know what I'm saying? I like fantasy and science fiction and horror. I totally buy a world in which Dracula and Frankenstein and the Wolfman exist. But that world should be internally consistent. That said, there were good points. Gee is right: David Wenham was good and cute. Richard Roxburgh was slinky and fun and looked great in that 3/4-length black coat. We got to see Hugh Jackman's bare chest and arms. Some of the dialogue was actually funny. But I'm glad I paid only(!) $6.00 to see it. |
Ok, so you've got Van Helsing swinging from a rope on a hook which he's shot through Mr. Hyde, who's standing on top of Notre Dame cathedral. (Got that? The rope is anchored in Mr. Hyde, who is evidently strong enough to support the weight and force of a full-grown man swinging wildly through the air.) Mr. Hyde is still alive, btw. But then, when Van Helsing lands on the ground, he tugs on the rope, and only then does Mr. Hyde fall. Whatever! |
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But then I say that about sex as well. |
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Coooooooooomme whaaat maaaaaaaayyyyy... IIIIII will looove yoooouuuuuuuu... until my dyyyyyyyyyyyyyiiiiiiiiiiiiiing daaaaaaaaaaaaayyyyyy Lord help me, I have crossed the line: I LOVE this movie. Dammit, I wish I had listened to my cousins and gone with them when the movie was in theatres...then we could have seen it together, and sang the songs together, and swooned over Ewan McGregor together...*MOURN* Thank God for used DVDs for sale on Amazon -- my own copy of the boxed set should be arriving at my door in ~4 days. Watching the extras on the DVD, especially hearing the director and writers explain their reasoning behind using modern songs, really helped me appreciate the genius of the movie. |
..and again. ..and again. Not so much for Ewan McGregor, though thoroughly I enjoy his acting in a very macho, non-gay, platonic sort of way. I just really dug the movie. I didn't see it in theaters because I kept hearing the song they were overplaying on the radio, and out of context it was really annoying and made me think the movie was going to be something else entirely. |
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Oh, and I loved Big Fish, though it wasn't by any means a strong script. It was really the flashback story parts that I loved. They made me cry and cry and cry some more. (Of course, I first saw it right after my nana died.) And I loved how Ewan MacGregor looked. I love that old-school, clean-cut type of handsome. Like Gregory Peck in the early 60s. *swoon* |
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I really liked it, and I agree with everything you said about its visual style. I thought the scene when the mill burned down was shot really well, with the "special effects." And I loved how crazy and rich all the characters' backstories were. The only thing I didn't like was the off-color bits...I found them off-putting and out of place. Except, now that I think about it, they all served to make Mark McKinney's character even more of an asshole. Apparently, many of the director's films are in this same style -- I wonder if it's possible to dig them up somewhere. |
[minor spoilers] I agree about the off-color bits, but I'll check my intial reaction and think about what he may have been trying to do (i.e. like increase McKinney's assholishness). "I thought the scene when the mill burned down was shot really well, with the "special effects." I kept thinking how incredible it was to watch. Afterwards, I said to my friend that if it was more conventionally executed, it totally wouldn't have worked and in fact, would have royally sucked. As in (using a mocking tone), "what are they going to do? Oh look the building is burning. And he's still playing the piano. oh would you look at that blah blah blah" Similarly, with the brother-sleeping-with-the-siste-in-law he's never met. That would be stupid and contrived in a more conventional film, but it works. Roderick was my favorite. I mean, I just fell for all of it with him. The line where he confronts Narcissa about what she's doing with their private saddness in public nearly broke me. And how he channels all of his emotion into the Gravillo persona. The themes in the movie were profound, but not presented as such. The balance of absurdity with the various *ideas* about what sadness is and how you experience it and how you express it. Wonderful. |
Why do you think that one scene with the funeral was in color? I think color was used in another scene that was supposed to be a dream later on, so I was confused about the use of color in the funeral scene. Roderick was my favorite, too. He kept his son's heart in a jar filled with his tears. That's all I needed to know. |
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I don't understand the connection between "Strictly Ballroom", "Romeo & Juliet", and "Moulin Rouge!". I understand they're all directed by the same guy, but a trilogy should involve more than that, shouldn't it? |
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Thank you! |
