| THIS IS A READ-ONLY ARCHIVE FROM THE SORABJI.COM MESSAGE BOARDS (1995-2016). |
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So far (in no order): Cabin Boy- i watched it for Dave Letterman, i ignored the warnings of my peers. I was a fool. A damn damn fool. Painfull and boring, i think i forgot what laughter was half way through. Showgirls- i am buying this next time i see it, just to show other people! It's 100% incoherant. She has a fit on an order of fries. Characters come and go for no reason. "I love having nice tits" I've never laughed so hard, this is the flagship of 'so bad it's good' movies. I love it. Batman and Robin- no comment. Painfull. Please, someone, stop the Batman movies. Jurassic Park 2- oh, you forgot about this movie, didn't you? I saw this one AND Batman & Robin in the THEARTER on the SAME DAY. It hurt. I almost walked out of this. This is the only movie i have ever tried to walk out of. Waterworld- i'm just shaking my head. It reminded me of sci-fi written by 6th grade boys. On a scale of 1 to 10 it gets the coveted "what the FUCK?!" the only decent moment was when the female lead is bothering Coster, so he rolls her up in the sail and hits her with an oar, for no apparent reason. It's become my s/o's favorite phrase to yell at the tv "she's being naughty...get her with an oar!!" "i'd sure like to whap HER with an oar..." the Perfect Storm- i'd like to say that this is the worst movie i've ever seen, but it isn't. But it SHOULD be....damn you Costner.... effects? wow, these guys sure perfected the art of the CGI ocean wave, too bad they couldn't perfect virtual acting. And the script! genious! Nothing like hearing Clooney exclaim: "*I* BRING THE FISH!!" You sure do, ugly. I could go on forever about this little jem, but i'll quote someone else: "you could pay $8 to see this movie for the big wave shots, or you could pay $8 to buy the movie poster and get the exact same effect, over and over again." do not rent this, it is not funny. DO NOT. the Postman- this is the winner. truly, in all categories, the worst movie ever made. Pointless, painfull, insane, overpriced, USA ego-drivel, i run screaming from the idea of ever having to sit through this again. I am a moron. My movie watching buddy passed out after the first hour, the lucky bitch. This is like the bad movie vaccine, nothing seems so bad afterwards. I am immune. I liken this movie to being hit over the head with a stick, and then Tom Petty shows up. What the hell? What the hell indeed. I was begging myself to turn it of and try to forget. How long is this shit? 4 hours or so? i shudder to imagine what DIDN'T make the final cut. Damn you Costner, i will find you and make you pay. I will hit you with an oar. Battlefield Earth- at first i resisted renting this due to the Scientology connections (no $ for you, cultbabies!) but i had to. This was not as bad as i thought. No really, i'm serious. Yeah, it was BAD, damn bad, but not THAT bad (see above). Travolta's career should in all fairness be over after this yet he somehow moved on. It was simply boring and unentertaining in all aspects. Not funny. The scene wipe outs were classic bad movie though. And the eternal diagonal close-up shots were reminicent of COPS. Worthless trash movie. Blair Witch 2- why why why why why?! LAME. A tribute to how bored i was the opening night. It should have been called Blair Witch $$=We're All Whores. Did they need to make another one? Do they need more money? Did they go to the Lucas school of movie ethics? I'm really looking forward to #3, lemme tell you. uhm....nothing left to say...the end. |
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The only movie my wife has ever walked out of was "Pennies From Heaven". After they walked out, her housemate remembered a party he'd been invited to and brought her to it. We met at that party, so if this movie were any good, I might still be single! See also my posting on Krakatoa, East of Java. |
lost in space. that's the only really shitty movie i can think of. i didn't watch the whole thing, though. i couldn't. |
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G.I. Jane. Holy FUCK, stupid. It's as though they read my mind to come up with a movie i personaly would loath. "At last! A chick movie AND an army movie, blended into one!" Who am i supposed to root for here? Oh no, the big nasty men won't let chicky into the organ donor club! She just wants the chance to shoot at and get shot by brainwashed Arabs like the rest of our proud fighting drones! Has Demi Moore ever done anything worthwhile to humanity? (p.s. Starship Troopers was brilliant) |
Showgirls, one of the funniest movies ever made. I belive that in 25 years it will be a cult classic the par of Rocky Horror..."Show us Your Tits! Yeahhhh!" The movie Jade was awful. I loved Blair Witch 2, don't know why everyone had a stick up their bum for that. That movie The Haunting sucked so bad. Just tried watching Anatomy, and it was horrible as well. See also Redneck Zombies, 10,000 maniacs, and Pokemon the movie for extreme pain...Also He-Man the movie was gof awful, as well as anything with Dolf Lundgrun in it, like the Punisher movie |
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Hey----as far as bad movies go, I think that's a full-on classic! |
A real masterpiece of badness is Ed Wood's "Glen or Glenda?"(wherein Ed grapples haplessly with his fetishes in pseudo-psychological glory while Bela Lugosi sits ominously in a chair and spews mumbo-jumbo)---I have a copy and it's near and dear to my heart....personally, I believe it to be MUCH WORSE(i.e., BETTER) than "Plan 9". |
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I agree that Showgirls will.... no, HAS TO become the Rocky Horror of the next century. I just bought it a few weeks ago. The video store was all but giving it away for free. It was $9 brand new and un-opened. "It's Versayse!" it suuuuuuuure is. I love that goddamn movie. i want a sequel. |
The Perfect Storm pissed me off because they started out by saying, "This is a true story..>" True my ASS! How do they justify all that crappy drama between the characters on the boat and even the retarded wave at the end (which was no more impressive than when I saw the preview - no need to watch the movie then!) IF all the people on the boat DIED! WHO LIVED TO TELL THE STORY!?!?!? For all we know, the bums just got drunk, had a fight and someone shot a hole in the floor and they sunk off the coast of Florida in tropical waters but they never felt anything because they were already flying hi on narcotics they were hauling in the fish stores!! Now if it were just a story - a Hollywood story, then I would just complain about the acting... |
Shit, what else is there to do on the weekends, especially when it's rainy? There is an African-American Heritage Fest, but what I hear is that it's a good time to lay low or leave town, as it gets pretty crazy. Seems like all the big parties here involve the police. |
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I was walking back to my car last night from the Grant Hart show and at one point, there were more cops than festival goers on the street. |
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BAD Cool ideas (about the future of the u.s, etc..), BAD everything. Bad Kurt Russel, BAD!!! saw it years ago, saw it on tv last week. I had almost forgotten. "Sad story...got a smoke?" it's like all his lines came out of the Random Action Movie Line Genarator 3000(tm), and he helped write the damn thing. |
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So i'm now more than halfway through 'Big Money Hu$tlas', the ICP movie. I fucking love Insane Clown Posse. yeah that's right. LOVE. even though i'm not a 13 year old boy. This movie has all the acting prowess and script writing of a highschool video class movie, yet it's still so much more congruent than Waterworld. So much more. And i'm rather impressed by the production, it's much cleaner than i thought. It's still really bad though. Not quite PORN bad, but bad. Shaggy speaks his whole role in rhyme. Painful. The misfits are in it for no reason. Harlan Williams (spelling?) is in it too, as a favour to someone i hope, but then again i never did care much for him. |
i laughed. Alone, of course. Sometimes you just have to sit down and watch a film in which two grown men act out their own mob style drama wearing full clown make-up, and they say 'bitch' every 3 seconds. of course, you don't have to let anyone see what the title is when you put it in the return slot. god no |
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