Titanic

sorabji.com: Worst movie you ever saw: Titanic
THIS IS A READ-ONLY ARCHIVE FROM THE SORABJI.COM MESSAGE BOARDS (1995-2016).
By Tartan on Saturday, March 7, 1998 - 03:10 pm:
    Sucks, sucks, SUCKS! Can't say enough bad things about it. Long, boring, insipid DRIVEL! Which explains why the unwashed masses are eating it up.
By Pylon on Sunday, March 8, 1998 - 03:41 am:
    Tartan, I usually disagree with just about everything you say, but in this case you're right on the money. I can't figure out why everyone's gone apeshit over this stupid movie. What a suckfest!
By Nate on Sunday, March 8, 1998 - 01:08 pm:
    I know that it is very 'alternative' to hate anything as mainstream as Titanic, but is it really that bad of a film? I mean, sure the story is a shitty recycled romance. And sure, the acting left something to be desired. But the sets were pretty awesome. There were some pretty stunning visual scenes.

    Not to mention that "donk!" noise that one guy made when he fell from the back end of the ship and hit some metal thing on the deck.

    In addition, of course, to the Kate Winslet T&A.

    So can it really be the worst movie you ever saw? I mean, really?
By Tartan on Sunday, March 8, 1998 - 02:03 pm:
    Hey, you said it yourself: bad story and bad acting, and no amount of computer generated icebergs and boats are gonna help you if you start out with crap. And whether something is commercial or not isn't a deciding factor for me. If I like it, I like it. My taste is my own and everyone else be damned. I'm just glad there's virtually no way they can make a sequel! Oh, wait... Leonardo Could have a twin brother... They could send T2 back in time to save the ship... GODDAMMIT!
By APEman on Sunday, March 8, 1998 - 05:57 pm:
    They already made that Leonardo twin thing! It's comin' out soon. Hopefully it'll have T&A and a cool "donk" sound in it! I'm there, dude!
By Pylon on Monday, March 9, 1998 - 09:24 am:
    Yes, it's the worst movie ["Donk" sound or not] that I've ever seen. With one of those awful karate or horror films you at least have something to make fun of, like they do on Mystery Science Theater. Titanic is just BORING. I don't even think the MST guys could tackle it.
By Donkey on Monday, March 9, 1998 - 10:04 am:
    All Right! I haven't seen it yet, but I'm going!

    It's been a while since there's been a great
    "DONK" sound in a movie! Is there more than
    one cool "Donk"?

    I mean, T&A is everywhere, but it's hard to find
    cool "Donk" sounds!
By Nate on Monday, March 9, 1998 - 11:14 am:
    That's what I'm saying. The worst movie I have ever seen would have to have absolutely no redeeming features. When you have the "DONK" you have a redeeming feature.

    Besides, by saying that "Titanic" is the worst movie you've ever seen you're casting a little oscar vote for every movie that contains an actor or actress from "Friends". And that, friend, is bad JuJu.

    (But then, maybe you haven't seen "Picture Perfect"?)
By Bologna on Monday, March 9, 1998 - 11:43 am:
    leave my little oscar out of it
By Wayne Butane on Monday, March 9, 1998 - 06:56 pm:
    TEN FILMS BESIDES TITANIC WITH COOL "DONK" SOUNDS

    10. ANIMAL HOUSE (1977) When Bluto bumps his head.

    9. SCHINDLER'S LIST (1992) When Hitler bumps his head.

    8. THE LAST TEMPTATION OF CHRIST (1989) When the organ grinder's monkey gets loose and causes Jesus to bump his head.

    7. AMOR EN FOCO (1984) When Rupert bumps his head at Pietro's wedding. (Subtitle reads "BOINK" but the sound is unmistakably "DONK".

    6. PATTON (1970) When the seagull drops the turtle on Patton's helmet.

    5. SMOKEY AND THE BANDIT (1977) When Burt Reynolds drives through the playground and the kids bounce off the hood of the car. (Multiple DONKs!)

    4. JFK (1991) When Kennedy gets shot. (Actually more of a SPLA-WUNCH! sound.)

    3. LORENZO'S OIL (1994) When Lorenzo slips on the oil and bumps his head.

    2. STIR CRAZY (1980) When Richard Pryor is anally raped by his cellmate and bumps his head.

    1. COOL AS ICE (1990) When Vanilla Ice's career hits bottom.
By Nate on Tuesday, March 10, 1998 - 11:38 am:
    Oh man, that was cool.
By DONK on Friday, March 13, 1998 - 06:58 pm:
    DONK DONK DONK DONK DONK DONK DONK DONK DONK DONK DONK DONK DONK DONK DONK DONK DONK DONK DONK DONK DONK DONK DONK DONK DONK DONK DONK DONK DONK DONK DONK DONK DONK
By D on Saturday, March 14, 1998 - 12:32 am:
    Dink?
By Dave on Saturday, March 14, 1998 - 11:01 pm:
    Did anybody see Dennis Leary last night on Conan O'Brian?
By BootyG on Sunday, March 15, 1998 - 11:07 am:
    To DAVE, re: Dennis Leary/Conan O'Brien --
    DONK.
By Hoodoo on Wednesday, March 18, 1998 - 06:24 pm:
    Saw Titanic last night, and you guys are right. Boy, do i feel ripped off. I don't get what the big deal is.
By Mike Myers on Monday, March 23, 1998 - 10:03 pm:
    ...and the Oscar for best achievement in sound goes to "DONK!"
By IV on Monday, March 23, 1998 - 10:25 pm:
    I just went to see it for the video imaging. They did a good job making all those people look real. I didn't pay much attention to the acting or lack of it.
By Pete on Tuesday, March 24, 1998 - 10:25 pm:
    Well I tell you, I thought all the people falling overboard and making cool "donk" sounds were real. Just found out they were all cgi's. Amazing....








    DONK!
By Eman on Tuesday, May 5, 1998 - 08:42 pm:
    This movie has more than just cool donk sounds, and despite the number of you that seem to think that the movie has no acting or story, I would just like to know what is you look for in a movie. I mean the whole issue of the romantic story having been given a retread is kind of pointless. If you can think of a fresh romantic story, then you should probably be in Hollywood writing screenplays. All in all, I think it was a terrific movie that deserves all the noteriety it has received. Not to mention the money.

    L.L.@P.
By Nate on Wednesday, May 6, 1998 - 12:07 am:
    Good Will Hunting was a far superior movie. If all it takes to win an oscar is apply the ol' star-crossed lovers thing to a bigger and better set then the oscars ain't shit.

    But then, I guess we already knew that.

    Sign me up for $250 million. I want an oscar too. We can put the story in Carlsbad Caverns during the secret Grey Alien internment during WWI. The lovers will be a grey played by Drew Berrymore (so I can see her titsmore) and a human prison guard played by Emmanuel Lewis (or Gary Colman, if Emmanuel isn't available.)

    Then I will donate my profits to a worthy childrens cause. Because I want to go down in history as one of the good guys.

    Briefly.

    Before I become ruler of the world.
By Fish sticks on Saturday, May 9, 1998 - 10:47 pm:
    You guys and girls are the stupidest gay ugliest people in the universe and I mean that
By Nate on Sunday, May 10, 1998 - 02:02 am:
    As if we didn't already know that.

    OFF MY BACK! BAD MONKEY!

    sheeeit. someone needs an enema.

    can i invite you over for dinner? can i read you a passage from the bible?

    i ate a lot of corn yesterday. boy isn't that funny.

    CHEESE! now there is a word that has humor value in and of itself.

    hey wait.. .stop.. .holdon... just sit back and listen to the drummer solo.

    making love with you is all i want to do. that fucking song just came.

    everything that i do

    lalalallalalalalalalalal ... like to kill.

    AHHHHHHHHHHHHH.

    i thought a lot about skull fucking after watching full metal jacket. i have concluded it is not really that feasable.

    i have to pee. this often happens after ejaculation.

    OOOOO doesn't that smart? well, you would have been lucky if it did.

    5 ballet lessons won't help you now. you haven't been clapping your hands again, have you? GODDAMNIT. put it down. PUT IT DOWN. you're in trouble now, mister. MISTER FUCKING ED. I always wanted a carrot there. SIT DOWN. GETONUP.

    Pochereth-hazzebaim was a slave of Solomon.

    serpico is a bad ass.

    you need me to hold your silver thread. i am your existance.
By PetRock on Sunday, May 10, 1998 - 01:05 pm:
    Way to go Nate!!!

    Woo-hoo....Nate's king of the world! Yeeeee-hawwwwww....
By Jim aka PajamaBoy on Sunday, May 10, 1998 - 07:28 pm:
    Um, like Nate, does that like mean you really liked Titanic or like you didn't like Titanic?

    *bleery eyed grin*
By Nate on Sunday, May 10, 1998 - 08:46 pm:
    Like, um, you know?

    Jim - find a deck of cards and shuffle them as much as you desire. Draw the top card. It will be a 2 of clubs.

    Or spades.

    PetRock - I see some kind of 9.

    Fish Sticks - if you keep scratching at it, it will never heal.
By Jim aka PajamaBoy on Sunday, May 10, 1998 - 11:13 pm:
    Nate, 8 of diamonds. What does that mean?
By Jim aka PajamaBoy on Sunday, May 10, 1998 - 11:13 pm:
    Nate, 8 of diamonds. What does that mean?
By Nate on Monday, May 11, 1998 - 11:30 am:
    It means I don't have the powers of divination.

    ahem, I mean...


    OH JESUS! It's more convoluted than I thought!!! The threads about you are jumbled, son; order is dissolving rapidly as you head towards your destiny.

    8, two to the power of three. This means that you will come by a soul mate soon and together you shall create a child. YES! This is quite unnatural (for obvious reasons) but IT WILL OCCUR.

    Diamonds, the symbol of David. This means that you or your soul mate (whomever conceives -- this is not yet clear,) is in direct lineage to David and therefore your child shall be, also. As prophesised (Isaiah 9:6-7) your child will be hailed as the second coming of the Christ and shall bring peace to the earth.

    For 33 years your son shall rule the earth as a token puppet under my iron fist. Then, at 33 I will crucifiy him and declare myself ruler of the world, and it shall be until eternity.
By Pete on Monday, May 11, 1998 - 01:32 pm:
    Can I play Noah this time?

    I've always wanted to go sailing....
By Jim aka PajamaBoy on Monday, May 11, 1998 - 07:24 pm:
    *cloud of dumbfoundedness hanging over Jim*

    Ummm... It sure as hell won't be ME conceiving. I always think about a HYSTERICAL episode of The Cosby Show (on NBC not the one on CBS now) where there is a dream sequence and all the men give birth. *OUCH*

    Anyhoo, back to the mythification of the 8 of Diamonds. I'm really embarraseed, Nate, it wasn't a diamond, but a Heart. Wondering what misfortune this error will bring me...

    And Pete.. er.. uh... I mean Noah2, this time when the ark lands on Mt. Ararat, could you make it easier to discover about 2000 years later then the last ark? Maybe those bright orange bicycle reflectors all around will help. Thanks!
By Nate on Monday, May 11, 1998 - 07:55 pm:
    Shit. Just a heart, eh?

    Well, the soul mate part still holds. No divinity, though. And instead of conception you will get a dog or a cat or something.

    And Pete - Start building now. You don't think this "el nino" thing is just a freak weather occurance, do you? I'll get the measurements as soon as I find my "cubits-to-metric" conversion charts. You do use metric, don't you? It's what God uses.
By Jim aka PajamaBoy on Tuesday, May 12, 1998 - 12:01 am:
    Ah. So Nate, I'll meet a soul mate with a dog or a cat huh? I hope it's a cat. My cat would be none to happy if I "took up" with someone and his dog.
By Nate on Tuesday, May 12, 1998 - 11:36 am:
    Perhaps it is your cat, or it will be after your cat.

    There is nothing in the cards about the start of the relation, it is only eventually: you shall meet him and then the two of you shall have a pet.

    I wish Pete would draw a card. I want to see if he sinks or swims.
By Jim aka PajamaBoy on Tuesday, May 12, 1998 - 11:29 pm:
    Eventually? Is that the closest you can get Nate? Oh man. Well eventually we all gotta die too. *sigh*
By R.C. on Wednesday, May 13, 1998 - 01:11 am:
    ROFLMBAO!

    You guys are completely certifiable. You know this, don't you?
By Nate on Wednesday, May 13, 1998 - 02:53 am:
    Well, damnit Jim, you have to draw another card before I can get closer.

    Well, hold on, I think I have a tarot deck kicking around her somewhere. You asked for it, now I'm going to call on some spirits or something.

    let's see... box of staples, an old IDE adapter card, a Hohner harp I thought I lost (key of C) (my neighbors will be sorry I found it,) One lubricated latex condom, a One Day Credential to the Sonoma Marin Fair good for June 18-22, 1997, damn. Not that drawer.

    Ah. I found them. And a stapler I was missing! Ok, here we go:

    For your present position I have drawn the five of cups. This means that you feel an imperfection in your life; something is missing. You are incomplete.

    Obviously the spirits feel we are ingoramouses. You wouldn't be wondering about a future soul mate if you weren't incomplete now.

    Crossing you is your immediate influence: the ace of wands. The ace of wands symbolizes gain or creation. You are at the the start of a new and meaningful experience.

    Crowning you is your ultimate goal: the nine of cups, reversed. The nine of cups symbolizes a well being related to the surmounting of difficulties. Reversed it means opposition. I feel this has something to do with the path chosen for you; you will always be plagued with opposition to your lifestyle. Be prepared for it, but do not fear it.

    Behind you lays the eight of wands, reversed. This is your past, what you have come through to become the person you are today. This card, when reversed, symbolizes harassment. Perhaps a difficult time with family? Perhaps a harassment from past social groups? This card is behind you now, but it has delayed you on your journey.

    Beneath you lay your recent past events: The eight of swords, reversed. This alignment suggests disquiet, depression or accident; it also suggests treachery. I feel this represents your experience with the robbery.

    The sixth card is a future influence: the Page of Wands, reversed. In the near future you will suffer the inability to make decisions. This also seems to indicate that someone will break you heart.

    You, the quester are currently filled with The Star, reversed: that is, feelings of dissappointment or pessimism. You have had some bad luck. You are not balanced.

    Upon other people, the nine of Swords: you raise people's concern. They are anxious and worry about you.

    Your inner thoughts and emotions: The Ten of Coins. You long for a home, a family of sorts. Your wish for long term companionship is domestic in nature. You want to build a secure, safe life.

    Finally, the culmination of this reading: The Ace of Swords: This represents Triumph. Success. Your great determination will lead you to Love. A deep, rewarding love.

    whew. that took a lot out of me.

    R.C. ... maybe you should shuffle a deck and draw the first card...

    3 of diamonds?
By Jim aka PajamaBoy on Wednesday, May 13, 1998 - 07:51 am:
    Um... nevermind...

    LOL

    *serious face*

    Thanks, Nate.

    ;-)
By Nate on Wednesday, May 13, 1998 - 11:24 am:
    So should I buy a tent and a gypsy get up and start frequenting state fairs or something?
By Oatmeal Boy on Wednesday, May 13, 1998 - 12:19 pm:
    I never saw the goddamed movie and to be perfectly honest, I never want to see it. I heard it sucked.
By PetRock on Wednesday, May 13, 1998 - 12:58 pm:
    What movie? I thought we were talking about Nate becoming a wandering gypsy (oops, sorry. That's politically incorrect but I can't remember what they prefer to be called now....)

    Oh, wait....are you referring to Titanic? That topic is SO yesterday....but as to the movie, you'll never know because you'll take the word of others that it "sucked" but you don't have the balls to go check it out for yourself. What's the matter? Can't sit for three and a half hours straight without a potty break? Wimp....
By Oatmeal Boy on Wednesday, May 13, 1998 - 02:18 pm:
    Nah PetRock, Im afraid I might get a hardon or something and not be able to get up for 5 hours..
By Chordata on Wednesday, May 13, 1998 - 02:56 pm:
    Yeah, I can empathize. It sure gets me all hot and bothered for hour upon hour when I watch people drowning, screaming, and dying.
By Oatmeal Boy on Wednesday, May 13, 1998 - 03:49 pm:
    Death and dismemberment is cool isn't it!!!
By R.C. on Wednesday, May 13, 1998 - 06:20 pm:
    Okay Nate, I'll bite. What does the 3 of diamonds correspond to in the Tarot deck? (And which type are you using?) Or are you one of those super-gifted adepts who can read the Tarot with ordinary playing cards?

    Shit -- the doorbell just rang! I'll be back...
By Nate on Wednesday, May 13, 1998 - 06:34 pm:
    3 of diamonds in the Tarot? eh?

    Actually, that's just what I "felt" you would be drawing if you shuffled and drew from a deck of cards. What it means, well, that depends on if you draw it or not. (btw: I can't forsee what you will draw, so I'm just throwing out a haphazard guess with the hope that someone will actually randomly fall into my schemes. Whoops. I blew that.)

    I read the Tarot with a Tarot deck. My own is a Medieval "style" Tarot painted by Luigi Scapini. I don't much like it, but that's not important.

    My personal opinion is that it isn't so much the tool as the person using the tool.
By Oatmeal Boy on Wednesday, May 13, 1998 - 10:46 pm:
    I got a Medieval sword. Does anyone wanna see it? Just kneel down before tho and ye shall be knighted.
By Jim aka PajamaBoy on Wednesday, May 13, 1998 - 11:07 pm:
    Knight me Oatmeal... Oooops. Nevermind. Who knows what rocks your sword have been in. *shudders at the thought*

    Oh and isn't the PC for gypsy, Homeless person? *evil grin that will surely tack on 2 years more of misery burning in hell*
By Oatmeal Boy on Wednesday, May 13, 1998 - 11:14 pm:
    The ol' sword has seen pleanty of action but is still as sharp as a new one... Wanna polish it for me??
By R.C. on Thursday, May 14, 1998 - 12:18 am:
    Depends. Wd you prefer spitshine or canuba wax?
By Nate on Thursday, May 14, 1998 - 12:28 am:
    I polish swords with steel wool.
By Jim aka PajamaBoy on Thursday, May 14, 1998 - 07:17 am:
    ROTFLMAOPIMP...

    I'm kinda partial to Wet lube, and dobie pads by scotch brite...

    *foggy grin*
By Oatmeal Boy on Thursday, May 14, 1998 - 08:33 am:
    Do you have a soap stone to polish my sword?
By H.P. on Tuesday, January 9, 2001 - 10:51 pm:

    NO! MOOSE OFF, FUCKHOLE!!!

By 187 on Wednesday, April 18, 2001 - 11:22 pm:

    This movie was grate. The movie Tinanic made me fill like I can love someone like I do right now.
    O if anyone has some thing bad to say about it-----SUCK My@%#&#*@(.

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