Answering a question


sorabji.com: The Stalking Post: Answering a question
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By Aka Lawanda the non-Mormon on Sunday, July 11, 1999 - 02:37 pm:

    This is an answer to Cyst from the White Folks thread.

    No, my name is not Lawanda. The only internet site where I use my real name is a private, subscription paid site.

    On all other Web boards, I go by Mountain Flower. When I saw this board, I felt that that name wasn't appropriate. I like exotic names. Hubby and kids won't let me name the pets anything like Ramona, Lawanda, Bethsheba, or Tiki, so I named myself that for this board.

    No, my deceased parents were not Mormon. I don't know a thing about Mormonism except what I've read in a couple of expose' books. I'm curious to know what I've said that would make you believe that.


By Gee on Monday, July 12, 1999 - 01:58 am:

    I love the name "Ramona". I'm going to name one of my future daughters "Ramona" in the hopes that she'll turn out just like Beverly Cleary's creation. I would use "Ramona" as a nickname here and there, but I like to stick to one name, since I get confused easily. I'm "Gee" everywhere.

    Except on AIM, where I let my nickname addiction run free and pile up about a billion of 'em. Poor "MaryTheFan" hasn't seen the light of day in months.


By Cyst on Monday, July 12, 1999 - 11:08 am:

    I think you mentioned that you lived in idaho, where there is a large mormon population. I think you also said something about god. many mormons give their kids names that start with "la."

    but you also mentioned something about having once gone out with a black guy. so I thought maybe your parents were mormon but you had left the church.

    just thought I'd ask.


By Cyst on Monday, July 12, 1999 - 11:10 am:

    gee - my best marrried-couple friends named their cat chevrolet. there's a beverly cleary sculpture garden in portland. if you ever go there, you should visit it. it's in grant park (not far from klickitat street).


By Waffles on Monday, July 12, 1999 - 12:37 pm:

    "my cat likes to poop in the yard"


By Lawanda on Tuesday, July 13, 1999 - 12:09 am:

    I'm not a Jack Mormon, I'm a Jack Catholic.

    I was curious because my family has a saying: "You can take the girl out of the church, but not the church out of the girl."

    That is so true for me. I still have a strong sense of guilt and can worry like a champ. My life in the Catholic church is a long one. I was a very serious Catholic, and now I'm just a serious gardener. Still believe in miracles and angels, and other God related things, so I refer to Him from time to time.

    Yes, there are LOTS of Mormons around here. The biggest churches around here are Baptist, Lutheran and Mormon. Of course, you're only talking about 3,000 people total in the whole city.

    Do you know why they name their kids starting with la? That's interesting.


By J on Tuesday, July 13, 1999 - 10:08 am:

    Look at how long the Catholic church has been around and how much money they have,then compare how much money the Mormons have accumulated in such a short time,that,s scarey!At least Catholics can sin,then confess,say some Hail Mary,s and their all good with God.I was brought up Southern Baptist,all that talk about burning in Hell was very scarey as a kid,I tried to live a good life,but make a couple of mistakes and I have to worry about Satan taking me out.


By Waffleboy on Tuesday, July 13, 1999 - 12:52 pm:

    i run from the Scientologists on Hollywood Blvd. They have several bldgs in one area and even have L.Ron Hubbard Drive near the mega complex. Those people are always offering to give you a "personality tests". I could tell you some scary stories about the presence of those people in Hollywood. fucking brainwashers they are


By Wisper on Tuesday, July 13, 1999 - 02:40 pm:

    ~Wisper & The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter Day Saints~
    (a history)

    In early 1997 my sister and I were watching television together and one of those adds for their free Jesus videos came on. Anyway, being evil athiests (and bored bored bored) we phoned up for one. 4-6 weeks later it arrived, and we had many a laugh at the horribly acted, horribly filmed, horrilbe written story of a family torn apart by the evils of the modern world and brought together by...well, guess. We ordered more. And more. We got them all. Every damn video they put out between 1997 and this year. (they all end in a family being baptized. all of them)
    We went on a free stuff bindge. We ordered their bibles. We ordered their bookmarks. We ordered stuff and had it sent to our friends houses. We thought we were safe.

    Then the calls started.

    "Hi is (sister's name) there?"
    "uhm yup..."
    they must have called at least once a week. For 6 months. No-one was safe. Not even after my sister confessed to them that she was only a 15 year old kid out to get free shit. I answered the phone when they called once, and they tried to win me over.
    "Hi! is (sister's name) there?"
    "no...she's out...."
    "Well, this is the church of Latter Day Saints calling, we sent her some videos recently....did you happen to watch them with her?"
    "uhm...yeah, I did--"
    "GREAT! what did you think? hey, how old are you? do you have a personal relationship with Jesus?"
    "I've gotta go."

    Fuck, they tried EVERYTHING to get over to our house. We started making little phone skits to get them off our backs.
    "HI! is (sister's name) there? this is the Church of Latter Day Saints calling..."
    "oh, gosh, I'm sorry, we're busy worshipping satan here, and the goat blood is about to get cold, can she call you back?"

    Suprisingly enough, that was only fun the first few times.

    I think they got the hint after she answered the phone, screamed, and hung up.

    That was in March.

    Last night their commercial came on again. Some new video with a different family and the same narrator. So we decide, what the fuck. Let's start that personal relationship with Jesus...

    ....our number is blocked from their system ;)

    they might just loose us to Mr.Hubbard at this rate.


By FETIDBEAVER on Tuesday, July 13, 1999 - 03:06 pm:

    Let this be a lesson, nothing is free.


By Waffleboy on Tuesday, July 13, 1999 - 03:11 pm:

    scientologists run Hollywood. i had a friend who was in acting classes (subsequently run by those fucks). they were very hard nosed about getting auditions ..."you have to get this audition or else you'll never work in this town" etc etc she eventually stopped going because they were real freaks. then the phone calls started, and proceeded for about 6 months. they started off like.. "we miss you please come back " and became "listen (name) you NEED to come back your life is misguided and you are nothing without this class" etc etc. She had heard how dominant the scientologists were. She wanted to find out more. She went and bought a book called The Blue Sky, it's a book written by a guy who was a high ranking official in the organization, he left and documented the brutality and strong armed tactics of those fucks and his personal experiences. He subsequently had to get a face lift and a new identity and has threats for his life. When she bought this book via credit card, shortly thereafter the mail started pouring in from the church as well as the seemingly random phone calls. She noticed bums going through her trash, which was a rarity considering she lived in an area and off a main blvd and it wasn't usual for bums to be looking around. the scientologists started off from a book written by a sci fi dude in the 50's and found at a convention of some sorts. He never had any intentions of starting a cult. Essentially they believe that somewhere in our bodies we have a piece of our alien ancestors and that all of our evils and sins are a result of the fragment of alien, such as my left knee cap or whatever.

    many big time studios execs are scientologists and would be committing suicide if they renounced their alliance with the church. Example, it was rumored though not confirmed that Chris Carter, one of the most powerful people in h-wood was going to do an episode directly criticizing the institution, they episode was partly filmed.....all of a sudden all talk about the episode was dropped and it never aired.

    The Scientologist used to not be tax exempt. When they were denied several years ago by the IRS, they had high ranking officials obtain jobs with the IRS as "normal joes". In the last year or so, I believe they have been given exempt status.

    Every day when i walk by the "book store" where they give away pamphlet s and offer to give you a "personality test" (i.e. locate where your alien fragment is) i tell them they scare me and to fuck off. All the little cronies all wear uniforms, kinda like the salvation army uniforms, they have a security guard that always talks on his radio after i walk by and make my comments. I should be scared but I am not. They have been known to fuck with people the wrong way, but in such a way that you could never prove it. fucking with your credit your bank your car, any information they can get from the trash. Everyone i know in Hollywood who is in the industry immediately shuts their mouth in the company of the unfamiliar for fear retribution from them. You never know who is one or not. They ruin careers and Hollywood is very lucrative for them.
    fuck the scientologists!


By Agatha on Tuesday, July 13, 1999 - 06:24 pm:

    i have heard rumors that l ron hubbard started the church of scientology as a bet with his friend that he could create a religion that people would join. don't know if it's true or not.


By Scientolonate on Tuesday, July 13, 1999 - 06:34 pm:

    i think you people need to be quiet now.


By Waffleboy on Tuesday, July 13, 1999 - 06:40 pm:

    IT'S PLAUSABLE AGATHA, IT SEEMED I GOT A SIMILAR IMPRESSION, HE WAS JUST A SCI FI WRITER AND SOMEONE ELSE MADE A RELIGION OUT OF IT.....


By Semillama on Tuesday, July 13, 1999 - 06:53 pm:

    The scientologists are the pawns of "oBo', the evil Anit-"bob' and Nhee-ghee, HE whose name must not be spoken. They are partially right about one thing - the little bit of humans that AIN'T. Except they want you you to think it's an evil alien when actually it's your true yeti self. The scientologists want you to cast that bit away, while we SubGenii know it's that bit that is the only redeeming feature of most humans.

    Next time you walk by those guys, tel 'em: Keep L. Ron -I've got "bob" Dobbs!

    then see what happens.


By MoonUnit on Tuesday, July 13, 1999 - 08:40 pm:

    ohno anti bob.

    Have I told the story of the religious people that lived over the road of my friend Sharon, and the guy would answer the phone God Loves You, Bob Speaking. We thought it would be funny if one day he got confused and said Bob Loves You, God Speaking, and from then on, any Bob statement (Bob's your uncle) has now been changed (God's your uncle) and God statements (God dammit) have been changed (Bob dammit).

    Me, Ju and Shan have been doing this for the past 8 years.

    We need to get a new hobby.


By Semillama on Tuesday, July 13, 1999 - 09:20 pm:

    my buddy will lived in a part of KY that had as a local exchange "666" and they ended up with a number whose last 4 digits corresponded to the letters h-e-l-l. of course they answered the phone, "666-HELL, Satan speaking."


By Lawanda on Wednesday, July 14, 1999 - 01:58 pm:

    ROFL. The only thing I did was to some Jehovah Witness' in CA. They visited every Saturday morning, of course only when I was hung over. I would tell the same people every time that I was a different religion. They stopped coming when I told them I was thinking of switching to Satanism if they didn't stop coming to my door on Saturday mornings.

    I got a book from a Scientologist one time. I read one chapter, and put it down forever. I did not understand that stuff AT ALL. About womb experience, tracing your life through the womb, blah, blah, blah.

    One of the books I read about Mormonism was by a lady that left the church and her experiences trying to get out. A freind of mine that left the Mormon church recommended it to me and said it was right on. I'll try to find the title and post it.

    By the way, I have glanced (can't really call it studied) at many religions, and I am a equal opportunity slammer. I have not found one yet that doesn't have its share of dichotomies (wish I knew how to spell that word, I could look it up, spell-checker has ruined my spelling skills), inconsistencies, and just plain nonsense. I might not remember all of them, but give me a little lead time and I can find it.

    I agree with some churches more than others, but that's all personal preference. Has really nothing to do with anything truly logical. I just like some messages better than others. Not that I'd step foot in any of them.


By Rhiannon on Wednesday, July 14, 1999 - 03:04 pm:

    3 things:

    1) when my mother was younger, she was almost
    forcibly converted to Mormonism by a "friend" of
    hers and only escaped when she was rescued by her
    father. It's true! I guess that whole 'free
    will" idea passed them by...

    2) We know a grumpy old lady who does tell the
    Jehovah's Witnesses, "Don't bother talking. I'm a
    Satanist" and then slams the door.

    3) You spelled dichotomies correctly. (At least
    that's how I spell it)


    The nicest thing about Catholicism, in my
    experience, is that idea of confession. We all
    sin, and yet we always get to wipe our souls
    clean. St. Francis de Sales says more virtues are
    excercised in confession than in any other act,
    because then we recognize our imperfections and
    are humbled, we obey our confessor, and we
    experience God's mercy. I actually like going to
    confession (duh, like you couldn't have guessed).
    No priest has ever made me feel evil or stupid.
    The priest who usually hears my confessions is an
    extraordinarily kind, compassionate, worldly,
    gentle man. I always leave the church 10 pounds
    lighter when I speak to him. He's also really
    easy on the penances, which is good for me because
    (ssshhh! blasphemy!) I get bored if I say too
    many prayers. I just don't have the attention
    span to say the rosary. And every night?! Oof,
    what torture.


    Now you see why I need to go to confession so
    often.


By Nate on Wednesday, July 14, 1999 - 06:04 pm:

    The worst things about Catholisism revolve around the oppression of women. Talk about a backwards and evil organization.

    yeech.


By Waffleboy on Wednesday, July 14, 1999 - 06:21 pm:

    did she say St. Francis de "SALES"?????

    holy moly, is he in charge of "selling" forgiveness? If so I could use some right about now.


By Cyst on Wednesday, July 14, 1999 - 06:24 pm:

    a friend of mine wrote a story about scientology for the college paper. she got a house call from one of the hubbard people's lackeys. they'd dug up shit about her family and wanted to share it with her. isn't that nice.


By Waffleboy on Wednesday, July 14, 1999 - 06:30 pm:

    good morning Cyst! Waffles?


By J on Wednesday, July 14, 1999 - 06:34 pm:

    Oh,God now you are scaring me,they send me shit all the time,and I don,t know why.


By J on Wednesday, July 14, 1999 - 06:35 pm:

    Oh,God now you are scaring me,they send me shit
    all the time,and I don,t know why.


By J on Wednesday, July 14, 1999 - 06:37 pm:

    Shit!!!I hate that!!Sorry


By Runningwaffles on Wednesday, July 14, 1999 - 06:42 pm:

    run J run...i wasn't kidding in the above mentioned details about those fucks, run i say run!!!!!!!!!!!


By J on Wednesday, July 14, 1999 - 09:39 pm:

    But why would they want to hook up with me?I,m nobody.The best I can figure is they got me on their mailing list at an earth- fest at least 10 years ago,but nobody has come to my house,which is more than I can say for the Mormon,s.I might add that in my freshman year of highschool,I joined the Morman Church,cause they don,t believe in burning in hell(and cause I had the hots for Ernie Johnson).I went to seminary school,and got baptized,I quickly learned I had made a big mistake,I had to write a letter to make them quit bugging me.I got a registered letter from(get this,the Mormon Court)they had set a hearing for me,I blew them off, and about a month later I get a certified letter from them telling me they gave me the boot,I could still go to church,but I can,t get married in the temple,blah,blah.Yea,right I was all choked up.


By Waffleboy on Wednesday, July 14, 1999 - 10:04 pm:

    many bodies = power

    you would be just another pawn in their machine


By J on Wednesday, July 14, 1999 - 10:32 pm:

    Well I already did my stint in a cult,it was a roof over my head after I ran away,it was a church on Central and Glendale,The Holy Light Temple,I was a good recruiter,I was all into it,I wanted to believe.There was this poor kid around 10 or 11,he had Downs Syndrome(if anyone has every been around someone who has this would know they don,t have a mean bone in their body).Anyway every Sunday at the evening service,they would haul this poor kid on the alter and try to "heal"him.I could tell he was terrifide,it really bothered me,and I questioned the Rev.Dorthy Bell about it.She grabbed me and started shaking me"in the name of Jesus Christ,Satan.I rebuke you".I flipped out and told her what a sick fucking bitch I thought she was.Years later in the newspaper I read that her dad died and she had been moving his body around for months,so she was still getting his S.S.checks,he had been dead for over 6 months when some kids trick or treating reported the smell,his body was in a storage shed in Payson,right next door to a cop.A few years later,the church burnt down but not all the way,a couple of years after that it did burn completely,bet she collected on that.


By Rhiannon on Wednesday, July 14, 1999 - 10:39 pm:

    1) Hmmph. Sales is a town in France. Or was that another joke that went over my head? I know I'm hopeless.

    2) Catholicism does not oppress women. The men who run the Catholic church do. There's a difference.

    3) Somehow the Scientologists have my name. I've gotten handwritten postcards from members offering to come to my house and tell me about their religion. ["Why won't they leave me alooooone?" howled Ren despairingly.]

    4) You get a hearing for wanting to leave a church? Jeez, what a crazy-assed religion. (So much for my claiming to be tolerant of all faiths.)


By Semillama on Wednesday, July 14, 1999 - 11:17 pm:

    I could go off here, but instead, for all you types disillusioned about religion, why not chew on this for the rest of the evening? It makes great stuff to talk about when you are harassed by the members of whatever organization posing as a religion but is actually after your cash and resources they belong to. My Church does that too, except we don't dent the bit about wanting your cash, plus we have an Eternal salvation or Triple your Money Back Guarantee.


    http://www.subgenius.com


By Gee on Thursday, July 15, 1999 - 02:37 am:

    Rhiannon - you know someone named ren?

    This has nothing to do with anything, except that I know someone named ren, and she's an angel. Hey, there ya go!


By Rhiannon on Thursday, July 15, 1999 - 06:40 am:

    *shuffling feet with embarrasment* No, actually I was quoting Ren the dog. From Ren and Stimpy. (I'm probably the only person at my advanced age to still like them...but I can't deny it!)








    My favorite Ren quote is this one:

    Stimpy -- My, don't we look handsome today?
    Ren -- (in a quiet, strangled voice) Shut up. Or I'll tear your tonsils out.

    I laughed for, well, many seconds when I heard that one.


By Waffleboy on Thursday, July 15, 1999 - 11:03 am:

    my fav quote is, when they go to space and they are looking at a bar of soap as a candy bar and Ren sez...."I want to lick yer creeamy center!"


    thats a great pick up line


By Rhiannon on Thursday, July 15, 1999 - 11:39 am:

    But only if you say it in his voice.


By Waffleboy on Thursday, July 15, 1999 - 11:43 am:

    well actually i can do a good impression, I would share it with you if i could, I also do a good Hank Hill, Barney Gumble, Ralph Wiggum and well as the Dale and Boomhour characters from King of the Hill


By Lawanda on Thursday, July 15, 1999 - 05:34 pm:

    Sem, I am disillusioned on religion, I admit that. I am not knocking a person's quest for a religious experience in whatever church they choose. When my children reach their teen years, I will commend them in whatever paths they see fit for themselves. I just want them to think about it, and study the history of whatever teachings they are thinking of following.

    If someone is a truly happy Mormon, Scientologist, whatever, more power to them. Heck, 95% of my friends in CA are still practicing Catholics. They don't bug me about leaving the church, and I don't bug them for not believing what I do, which is an eclectic mix that I can't even explain. Tolerance, mutual respect for each other.

    Eternal salvation or double your money back? Are those funds raised from Bingo proceeds? ; )


By Brisk on Monday, June 11, 2001 - 08:25 pm:

    I didn't know there were lots of mormons in Idaho. They're based in Salt Lake City, Utah


By semillama on Tuesday, June 12, 2001 - 08:59 am:

    No shit?


By Vickey on Saturday, July 16, 2005 - 09:18 pm:

    fuck you


By Vickey on Saturday, July 16, 2005 - 09:18 pm:

    ass hole is what i am


By Corrina on Saturday, July 16, 2005 - 09:58 pm:

    what the fuck people kill that is fucking whong who does it everyone that is whong what the fuck why do people do it beacase there stupid fuck the people kill there fucin loosers and what fuck your a fuckin looser to bitch your an ugly asshole so fuck on this is from an 8 year old you can reach me a sillyeggs22@ atyohoo.com and boobs.com


By wisper on Saturday, July 16, 2005 - 10:45 pm:

    it's whong? Are you Elmer Fudd?
    You whascilly whabbit!


    I'd been looking for patty's story about his friend in the Scientology run acting classes! And there's my history of me + the Moromon as a bonus!

    thank you google trolls :D


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