###The Empire Strikes Back: Extra-Special Edition### INT: BESPIN GANTRY - MOMENTS LATER: [A furious lightsaber duel is underway. DARTH VADER is backing LUKE SKYWALKER towards the end of the gantry. A quick move by Vader, chops off Luke's hand! It goes spinning off into the ventilation shaft. Luke backs away. He looks around, but realizes there's nowhere to go but straight down.] Darth Vader: Obi Wan never told you what happened to your father. Luke: He told me enough! He told me you killed him! Darth Vader: No... I am your father! Luke: No, it's not true! It's impossible. Darth Vader: Search your feelings... you know it to be true... Luke: NO! Darth Vader: Yes, it is true... and you know what else? You know that protocol droid of yours? Luke: Threepio? Darth Vader: Yes... Threepio... I built him... when I was 7 years old... Luke: No... Darth Vader: Seven years old! And what have you done? Look at yourself... No hand, no job, and couldn't even levitate your own ship out of a swamp... Luke: I destroyed your precious Death Star! Darth Vader: When you were 20! When I was 10, I single-handedly destroyed a Trade Federation Droid Control ship! Luke: Well, it's not my fault... Darth Vader: Oh, here we go... "Poor me... my father never gave me what I wanted for my birthday... boo hoo, my daddy's the Dark Lord of the Sith... waahhh wahhh!" Luke: Shut up! Darth Vader: You're a slacker! By the time I was your age, I had exterminated the Jedi knights! Luke: I used to race my T-16 through Beggar's Canyon- Darth Vader: Oh, PLEASE ... I was 10 years old when I won the Boonta Eve Classic... Only human to ever fly a Pod Racer... right here, baby! [Luke looks down the shaft. Takes a step towards it.] Darth Vader: I was wrong... You're not my kid... I don't know whose you are, but you sure ain't mine... Luke takes a step off the platform, hesitates, then plunges down the shaft. [Darth Vader looks after him.] Darth Vader: Get a haircut!

hehe. That was funny. I'll send it to my brother - he's wild about star wars stuff. It also reminds me of a common conversation I have with my mother. Usually we're watching as my sister does something annoying, and my momma looks at me and says "She's *your* sister." Then I say "Well, *you're* her mother." and she moans "Noooooo! That's impossible!" darn her! Any chance to slip in a star wars quote! I like Yoda, but he looks like a dork with hair.

Moonit you made pepsi come out of my nose.I love you.

Moonit you made pepsi come out of my nose.I love you.

I got the same damn thing this week in email as well. I also thought it was funny, and half expect it to be true.

last night I saw the phantom menace for $1.75. parts of it were very pretty. I loved the voracious sea monsters. I love the audiences at these trashy old second-run dives. while my date was out flirting with the candy girl or whatever, a guy near me started talking to me. "I'm fine," I said. "how are you?" "clean and sober for five weeks now!" he had recently moved here from the coast and was living at a downtown shelter. he offered me his hard starburst candies. I declined and gave him a little lecture on dental health. he said he brushes well. I asked him if he flossed, (yes), do you use that glide floss? of course he didn't know what I was talking about. glide costs like 4 bucks or something. it's made by the gore-tex people. there is some relation there to al gore. and al gore has some relation to gore vidal. I can never remember what it is, though. the one man I have a crush on recently asked me if I want to go to a gore vidal lecture with him and his wife. I said yes, of course. I shouldn't have asked him if he had bought the special $30 tickets, because he looked sad when he said that he didn't know there was priority seating available. the homeless man in the theater said he likes the green kind. "mint," I said. "yes." my friend, whose primary car is a mercedes and hates when his college buddies discuss marxism, gave me a bitchy look when he came back. he had wanted to see "american beauty," and I told him that I was waiting for it to hit the cheap theaters. when he talked to me unquietly during the movie, I didn't give him any looks at all.

a few hours ago I realized I can watch movies on my new computer. I don't have to have a tv and vcr. I am never, ever going to get anything done. christ.