| THIS IS A READ-ONLY ARCHIVE FROM THE SORABJI.COM MESSAGE BOARDS (1995-2016). |
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...Nate? Dear Miss C**** L*****, Hello, i am writing to you in complete honesty when saying that my ad never ran with your company as I wanted the ad initially to run with Advocate adult male classifieds-nothing was ever sent acknowledging the fact the ad would be running for this for this one single ad run. There was not even one response to my ad and I didn't want the ad to run in the Freshmen magazine-this was a complete error (computer) again I did not receiving even a single letter of response from anyone. The amount you state is due is $170.00 on a cancelled check. Well, for starters my wife took all of the money out of all of my checking and + didn't even know that this line of credit was gone with my wife's splitting the scene!!!!! I have no income now as I am applying forwork at every level and no firm will hire me as I test positive for HIV. If you need proof of this I can mail it to you!!! I am homeless and I was due to inherit a large sum of money but my parents were just recently murdered and their money confiscated by the klan in sacaramento. my mother's former house is now a klan death trap in carmichael, i lost all of my family members and i haven't got even a dime of money. I hope and pray a lot that you will not pursue this collection as I am without a dime and homeless with grave family tragedy. my sister is still a hostage in this klan dungeon and death trap here in carmichael. the lord be with you. best regards, K**** H***** (address) |
Or actually, get some help. The most plausible parts of the letter concern his wife, HIV diagnosis, homelessness and joblessness. The rest sounds delusional. Although, it's possible that every word is true. |
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This came from somewherein Alabama, apply all stereotypical imagery for best results "My story is true. It began at an all girl party i threw at my house. We played a game that you had to confess your most secret fantasy. A women confessed she wanted to have sex with a woman's husband, with the wife watching. Four months later I caught her with my husband. But the wife always, always has the last laugh. I made my husband tie her to the bed.(he does whatever i say). I stripped & ordered him to leave. She's begging him to stay-she knows it's my turn now! Even though I was suffering from a yeast infection, I straddled her pitiful face. I dripped and oozed all over her face. And then I took a little safety pin and would poke her unless she licked my ass-crack. I farted the whole time. I HATED HER! Next i took her to our bathroom and with the help of MY husband, whom only moments before she had trusted to sleep with, i forced her to clean the inside of our toilet with her tongue and lick our plunger and toilet brush. and so she was mad, but there was nothing she could do about it" |
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.....wait a minute........ why YOU!!!!!! (swinging arm in Pete Towsend manner) |
greeting cards for sale at http://www.kaboomcards.com/Dirty_Works.html #8001 Inside: If you don't stop bothering me, I will call the police. #8003 Inside: I hear things aren't going very well for you, so I thought I'd send you this card to tell you I'm glad. #8004 Inside: You have overstayed your welcome. #8010 Inside: Considering how old you are, it's amazing how little you've accomplished. #8016 Inside: I know it's important to you but I don't want to meet your family #8023 Inside: I didn't get you anything because I don't like you. #8025 Inside: The reason I can never be happy with you is because I keep comparing you to someone better. #8029 Inside: I know you must think everyone's disappointed in you, but not me. I always knew you were destined to fail. #8039 Inside: I hear you're getting married and I would just like to say that there are better ways to lose your virginity. #8041 Inside: Congratulations! You're old enough to be a burden. #8045 Inside: Your best years are behind you. Happy Birthday. #8046 Inside: Your birthday is a joyous accasion for all of us who need a reminder that you're getting older and eventually you will pass away. #8047 Inside: I know you're going through a mid-life crisis but try to show a little dignity. #8801 Inside: As a concerned friend, I thought you might like to know that one of you is cheating on the other. Happy Anniversary. #8802 Inside: I only married you for your money. Happy Anniversary. |
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they come in sets of six or ten or twelve or something, so there would have to be a bunch of people that you hated enough to send these greeting cards to, and if you hate them, why would you send them cards? |
i meant "i'd". really. |
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"Cyst", I especially like #8003, a lovely sentiment [and I would send it!] #8801 well, everyone likes a warm birthday greeting #8046 is so cold and heartless, that I think it might be my favorite! |
http://www.msu.edu/user/loossean/erin/sanity.htm I am 47.27272727272727272727 insane |
Mr. Warren Haruki, President, CEO GTE Hawaiian Telephone Company 1177 Bishop Street Honolulu, HI 96813 Re: (808) 735-XXXX and (808) 737-XXXX Dear Mr. Haruki, On Friday afternoon when I came home from work I found that one of the above phone lines was dead. By Saturday morning, the other phone line was also dead. No calls could be placed from my phone, and no phone calls were being received. There was no dial tone on either line. After reporting the problem on Saturday, a certified GTE phone technician came to my house this morning. He informed me that "the lines are crossed" and that it is not GTE's responsibility to fix them. He said that I am responsible for the costs to fix these two lines. When I first moved into this house over two years ago, we had only one phone line. This line has gone dead several times over the past few years. Each time this happened, a certified technician came to my house and informed me that it was, again, my problem, not GTE's problem. After each of these problems I simply called GTE to cancel my phone service. I would rather use a cell phone and risk brain cancer than pay your company a single cent to fix YOUR phone line, gone dead from YOUR company's incompetence. Coincidentally, each time I called to cancel my phone service, the phone line was magically restored within twenty four hours. The second phone line mentioned above was installed approximately one year after the first line was installed. If these lines are indeed "crossed", then it is due to the incompetence of the GTE employee who installed the second line. It is not my responsibility to pay to have either line fixed. So, in case I haven't made myself clear, I will state for the record that I would rather shit out razorblades from my asshole and then administer myself a lemon juice enema than pay you or your company a dime to come to my house and fix these phone lines. Furthermore, if you do not fix both lines free of charge within 48 hours, I will cancel service on both phone lines forthwith. Additionally I will file fraud charges against you and your company with both the Federal Communications Commission and the Better Business Bureau of Hawaii. I am truly disgusted with you, your firm, your staff, and your service. I have had nothing but problems with GTE Hawaiian Tel since I moved to Hawaii over six years ago. If I ran my business like you run yours, we would be out of business in one week. It is criminal that you have a monopoly on land lines in Hawaii. You and your company cannot be trusted. Do not send me any more invoices or bills. I will not pay any residual bills you send. If you give me any grief regarding billings, I will pursue you and your firm even further and with greater gusto and animation. You and your firm are in violation of countless laws and I will see to it that you are persecuted. I can only hope that you are forced to file for bankruptcy because of your fraudulent and incompetent business practices. However, if you choose to fix my phone lines free of charge, I will give you one more chance. Frankly, I don't care if I win or lose. To defend the law suit I will file against your company will cost you many times more than it will cost you to simply fix my lines. So you can either fix the lines free of charge and I will continue to pay your company $35 a month for service, or I will disconnect service for both phone lines, get a cellular phone and never pay you a cent ever again, and file a law suit against you and your company. Believe me, I would cherish the opportunity to sue you. I will not tolerate any more stupidity, neglicence, and virulent corporate crap from you or from GTE Hawaiian Tel. So how would you like to handle this situation? Yours in prepared litigation, Sarah Bruner cc: Hawaii State Attorney General's Office Better Business Bureau Federal Communications Commission Stanley Hong, Honolulu Chamber of Commerce Randy R. Girer, Esq. Gov. Ben Cayatano |
Sarah....go for it....send it.....is it too early to let the press in on this? These companies that have monopolies are a giant pain in the ass. I am having a similar problem with our cable supplier which gives (oops!!!.wrong word)....provides me with cable service for TV, radio and internet access which I pay handsomely for. I like the 'razorblades and lemon juice' line... if I use it I will give you credit :) Keep us advised. |
Stick it to them! |
this made my morning. it almost caused a Cocoa Crunchie to be lodged in my nasal passage, but it definitely made my morning. |
i love socking it to corporate utility services, Pac Bell has been the brunt of my angry tirades for their complete incompetence more than once.... |
hours on the phone, being on hold several times, accidentally disconnecting myself a couple of times, having to call back and EXPLAIN everything again to an incompetent employee[ might have said something to the effect, "that if I took care of my patients the way you take care of customers, all my patients would be dead, and I'd be out of a job"], it was discovered that my phone bill was "a little higher than usual", $1983.24. I did not find this a "little" higher than usual,it was outragiously higher, usually average $100-$150 max so I wanted to know what the problem was.After another hour of being on hold, I was told that my internet access calls were being billed long distance by AT&T, my long distance carrier.I replied that this shouldn't be the case, as I had a $11.95 a month, unlimited plan from Bell South.They told me "sorry,nothing we can do about it, you need to contact your internet server". I did not care for this response. So I called my internet server, and after another hour of explaining, and being on hold, was told the same thing,but now I needed to contact AT&T. Same rig-a-morole there. Nothing they could do about it.[by now they had found a 14 page phone bill, all with my internet access number, showing outragious fees]. Amazingly, still, these 3 Co. could not do anything to correct this error.I think I have indicated before, that I am not a woman to be TRIFLED with, and they were pushing it by that point. I recalled my internet server, demanded to speak with a supervisor,[he was very nice]but not helpful. I said,"Look, you are the ones who who gave me this access number, why didn't you just give me an access number in Africa,because the charges couldn't be much higher!"Well, you'll have to take that up with AT&T". I said "I don't think so." I hung up and immediately called the F.C.C.,spilled out my story, and AMAZINGLY, got a conference call within 30 minuets, ALL of them were on the line--Bell South supervisor, Bell South internet supervisor, AT&T supervisor, me, and then they called my husbands office and got him in on this conference call!Within 20 minuets all charges were taken off,"Is there anything else we can do for you today,ma'am?" Moral of this story-------DON'T fuck with this little redhead, when she first wakes up! I learned a long time ago-----start at the top and work up from there-------there is ALWAYS someone in a higher position than the person you are talking to, you have the right to demand to speak to their superior and keep going up if you have to. I wish I knew what the F.C.C. told them, but I guess it doesn't matter, cause I got what I wanted, and thats what counts! So, you go girl-----demand your rights-----I've still got that number if you need it. Good Luck!!!!!! |
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[I saw it with my own eyes-------yuuuuuck] |
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actually, that's not entirely true. i'm a pretty thrifty sort, myself; i can understand wanting to save a bit of hard-earned cash. but i've got this prick who's bugging me via e-mail & it's getting on my nerves. among a godzillion other pursuits, i sell mail-order merchandise. now, i've got a customer who's decided that a $2.00 shipping charge is "outrageous & unacceptable". they've been sending me a barrage of bitching, whining letters complaining about this sky-high, unheard-of amount. that's right, folks. i'm getting my figurative balls busted over $2.00. in response, i wrote an incredibly nice, polite, highly articulate note explaining why i don't find this figure to be excessive. but now, in the relative privacy of this corner of the web, i'd like to compose the letter i wish i'd REALLY sent: ------- Dear Fuckface: You sorry bastard. You waste of fucking skin. So you've got the colossal gall to give me grief over two goddamn dollars? Fuck you and your extended family. You cheap prick, I know you're laboring under the delusion that you're going to save yourself a ton of money haggling with me over two lousy bucks. And the money you save could, indeed, be well-spent. You could probably use the two extra bucks to go out and buy yourself a hooker. With the remaining change, perhaps you could buy yourself a life. It's TWO BUCKS, pal. Two friggin' bucks. If you dare send me one more e-mail on this subject, I'm going to drive to your home and sledgehammer your fingers into bloody, useless stumps. You wanna save two bucks? Fine. Step right up. I'll personally kick both dollar bills straight up your ass. This shipping is outrageous and unacceptable? Well, here's a refund. I'd be all too happy to take those two dollars and nail them to your forehead with a fucking staple gun. Two bucks. I'd like to wrap the cash in barbwire and sock the entire parcel down your esophagus. I wish I could rip out your eyeballs and cram one dollar bill into each hollow, gaping socket. You cocksucking, bullet-headed mongrel, if you EVER write me again about this, I'll take a hatchet to your skull. Merry Christmas, ****** ------------ |
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did you ever get the mail art sent out? I owe you $2 for postage. |
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lawn gnomes you could find,package it up nicely, tape $2 to its ass, send them an email-----Congradulations!!! You've won a prize!!! Watch your mail for your lovely gift!{shipping and handeling charges responsibility of prize winner] and send it to the cheap bastard C.O.D.[maybe throw in a few rocks for extra weight, and call them "lawn accessories"] |
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*smirk* what a pity he didn't see the letter i drafted for him here. czarina: your suggestion about mailing the lawn gnome is truly awe-inspiring. & it further serves to point out how many uses there actually ARE for lawn gnomes. it boggles the mind, sometimes. lawn gnomes. our friends & co-conspirators. during my career as a lawn ornament removal engineer (never a thief--since i view the entire universe as mine, i am merely transferring my own possessions from location to another), i used to enjoy putting the lawn ornaments in unlikely places. a gnome (now sporting a huge dildo, wig & fangs) inexplicably appearing on a church altar, that sort of thing. my buddy during most of these lawn ornament adventures was a mennonite guy. no shit. a gentle mennonite w/ a single sin...an intense love of "harvesting" other people's possessions. his specialty was highway signs. we took tons of them. he had a little business going w/ it...he'd get requests from out-of-state sign collectors. a lot of them wanted cow-crossing signs, that sort of thing. a doors fan badly wanted a certain town sign ("morrison bluff, population 69"). somebody wanted a sign from a bus stop near a women's dormitory ("no discharging girls, please"). somebody else wanted some local realty signs (the realtor's name, plastered in fancy script all over the sign, was dick needle). we used to go on these types of raids when we were bored. it took a certain mind-curdling level of boredom to drive us to such acts. but sitting here this morning, i'm actually feeling somewhere near that state of mind. i've got some stuff i really need to get done...shit that'll actually make me money, but isn't very interesting. i don't know what ever became of gonzo the mennonite, but i wish i could find him & whisk him away on an impromptu road trip right now. |
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