| THIS IS A READ-ONLY ARCHIVE FROM THE SORABJI.COM MESSAGE BOARDS (1995-2016). |
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I was at the airport, checking in at the gate, when the airport employee asked, "Has anyone put anything in your baggage without your knowledge?" I said, "If it was without my knowledge, how would I know?" He smiled and nodded knowingly, "That's why we ask." Sighting #2: The stoplight on the corner buzzes when it is safe to cross the street. I was crossing with an intellectually challenged co-worker of mine, when she asked if I knew what the buzzer was for. I explained that it signals to blind people when the light is red. She responded, appalled, "What on earth are blind people doing driving?" Sighting #3: At a good-bye lunch for an old and dear co-worker who is leaving the company due to "rightsizing," our manager spoke up and said, "This is fun. We should have lunch like this more often." Not another word was spoken. We just looked at each other like deer staring into the headlights of an approaching truck. Sighting #4: I worked with an Individual who plugged his power strip back into itself and for the life of him could not understand why his system would not turn on. Sighting #5: (a rare "double sighting"): A friend had a brilliant idea for saving disk space. He thought if he put all his Microsoft Word documents into a tiny font they'd take up less room. When he told me, I was with another friend. She thought it was a good idea too. Sighting #6: (from Tech Support): Tech Support: "How much free space do you have on your hard drive?" Individual: "Well, my wife likes to get up there on that Internet, and she downloaded ten hours of free space. Is that enough?" Sighting #7: (from Tech Support): Individual: "Now what do I do?" Tech Support: "What is the prompt on the screen?" Individual: "It's asking for 'Enter Your Last Name." Tech Support: "Okay, so type in your last name." Individual: "How do you spell that?" Sighting # 8: When my husband and I arrived at an automobile dealership to pick up our car, we were told that the keys had been accidentally locked in it. We went to the service department and found a mechanic working feverishly to unlock the driver's side door. As I watched from the passenger's side, I instinctively tried the door handle and discovered it was open. "Hey," I announced to the technician, "It's open!" "I know," answered the young man. "I already got that side." |
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Now I can move my head in the four cardinal directions, but I still have a lot of pain. This sucks. |
En route to the groom's dinner in Muskegeon, Michigan last friday, Kazoo turns to me and says "I think that jesus on the crucifix back there had only one arm." Sure enough, when we all looked for it on the way bavk, there he was, the One-Armed Jesus. This led to a speculation that perhaps his posture on the cross would be different if he really only had one arm to begin with. |
A few years ago, my mother was involved with this Holocaust remembrance society, most of whose members are Jewish. One evening, she invited the other members over for dinner, and in her directions to our house, she included the line, "Go past the large statue of Jesus and make the next left." (We live near a Catholic cemetery.) She had told everyone to arrive at 5, and 5, 5:30, 6 came and went, and no one had showed up yet. Finally, people started trickling in. They had gotten lost, they all said. They hadn't found the statute of Jesus. My mother thought this was the funniest thing she'd heard all week -- imagine that, all these Jewish people failing to see Jesus and getting lost! (Turns out the statue had been taken down for cleaning that morning.) |