Beucz Droopy's picture of that bird has left me w/Dick On The Brain... I've always been fascinated by the male phallus. It's Not Penis Envy (IMO/Freud was an asshole at times). Just a healthy curiousity abt the penis. And the, er, unusual things men might do w/theirs. But that bird beats all! So tell me/my Sorabji bretheren/what's the funniest or most unusual thing you've ever had or allowed to be placed on/yr dick? (You first, Natorious!) [And since we are knocking off early tonite at work & my fovorite bartendress is working/I'm gonna hit my favortie bar & get faced so I can come back & read Sorbajian Dick Tales!!!)

Of course/my damn link wdn't work! Here's the URL: http://www.californiacuties.com/funny/pics/%20BirdPerch.jpg

Everything that Freud said was either patently obvious or patently ridiculous. -- Mark Helprin

it's always gratifying to know that you've touched another human being in deeply intellectualy way. i suppose the strangest thing i've ever had on my dick was lisa c. - a very rare individual who dealt with her frustrations in a male-dominated society by writing poems mostly about violence to testicles. they were anywhere between visciously poetic to surgically precise. sometimes she would broaden her pallet to more general genital mayhem. the tamest possible example, but one i can quote from memory, is: some dicks are for pleasure, even some that i treasure, but the rest are in danger, you see. for the men of this nation are risking castration if they go around fucking with me. you can't not love her. alas, we parted ways because she's an independant woman and had her own dreams to follow. still, when i see pictures like this, i get wistful. last time i heard she was in california. if any of you dudes out there happen to bump into or spill coffee on a striking brunette who then threatens to rip your balls off and shove them up your nostrils, give her my best.

Droopy,do you want to exchange some meds?Cause I,m all good with it,we seem to pass out at the same time.

RC, I wish you could have seen "Private Dicks". It was fascinating to me, and I'm not even...I was going to say I'm not obsessed with penis', but maybe that's not true. penis penis penis. It's fun to say. I don't like saying phallus, I feel silly when I say cock, and dick somehow just seems pointless.

penis is good,cock and dick are bad.

that is the smallest penis i've ever seen. all them piercings... maybe he's hoping nobody will notice the actual size. can't think of any other reason why someone would want to mutilate their member that way. i think Antoine, this really nice, cute guy at the gym who wears small, black-rimmed glasses, is going to ask me out soon. maybe tomorrow. i can't wait. he would look good bald too, like swine. but, um, not quite *that* hot.

ok, since droop took the plunge, i'll go next. The strangest thing would have to be finger paint. Once the wifey and I got some finger paints and painted each other. She is quite the painter otherwise. Anyway she painted him a blue snake. I think penis sounds clinical, totally unsexy, dick is just silly, cock is the best in terms of genuine erotic indication, i think.

i wasn't allowed to be first. i dunno, though. i think the strangest thing that's ever happend to my peter was the PA. fear. fear put me in turtle mode. i think i actually said to the piercer "uh, it's usually bigger." and she said "yeah, you look really pale." i duno. that's how i remember it. it was bloody.

PA?

prince albert. we've gone over this, check your notes.

right. what were you thinking???????

besides...Why am I doing this?

i was thinking "damn this is cool" i really enjoyed having a PA. it gives you license to show your dick to almost anyone. "want to see my new piercing?" "yeah!" BLIZITYBLIZOUGH "oh my!"

thats just nutty

Wait -- I'm confused. Droopy -- did you have Lisa C's poetry on yr dick/or Lisa herself. Having a woman on yr dick hardly qualifies as usunual. AND NATE'S GOT A PRINCE ALBERT?! Good grief, man! Actually/you said 'had' -- what happened to it? Fingerpainting someone's cock sounds incredibly erotic. Gotta try that someday. So izzat it? No one's done anything really wild w/their cock -- like feeding it to their pet python (a very friendly & trutsed python/of course)to see what it feels like to have something constricting & swallowing yr dick at the same time? Or playing "Guess What Food" with yr dick -- i.e. you're blindfolded & someone sticks yr cock into containers of various foodstuffs & you must guess that food it is based on how it feels against yr member? (That's another good dick word.) What wusses you guys are! Where's Swine? I'm sure he's done some pretty unusual things w/his dick. He will put you all to shame -- just wait.

i took it out. cervix-bruiser. check your notes, we've been over this.

Nothing remotely amusing has ever happened to my john thomas. However, i did hear the tale of one "l'il" smoky", an unfortunate chap who discovered a tick on the end of his dick and decided the best way to make it let go was , er, apply the use of fire . . . hence, "L'il Smoky."

you should write a limerick, sem a bird once told me that sometimes (very often said this bird,) boys experiment with 'what things might feel like'

a fuzzy chinchilla told me girls are very similar in fashion

First of all, droopy, I saw the pic, and well I locked myself in a room and cried and hit my head into a wall for hours... But anyway I had a question for Nate... Just where are you from man, just because I happen to know a fellow, named Nathanal ( everyone calls hime nate ) and he just happens to have a prince albert... So I was just wondering if you were him, and I didn't know it... Small world eh? Again, I will reiderate a fact I presented earlier I refuse to get a peircing and to get one there would take an act of god or my untimely death.

can't be him he ain't got it no more let's pay attention kids

my friend went straight home after getting his, but still by the time he got there the front of his pants were soaked red.

Poison Ivy Cock I can't remember if it was from masturbation or woods-pissing. I worked on a golf course grounds crew for three summers in my high school days. The third and final summer was memorable because of the poison ivy rash that spread from my hands to the johnson. One night I couldn't stand the itching anymore and I scratched my penis for a while. The itch turned into pain and I ventured to the loo (terminology in honor of RC). When I turned on the light, my cock had swelled to thrice the normal size (non erect) with five puss-filled discs clinging to the sides. I was both terrified and enthralled. Now that 10+ years have passed, I just remember the size and not the pain. Sweet memories.

the place i got my shimchang pierced said "we usually have gauze and tape and stuff to wrap you up with, but we seem to be out today... have a paper towel." i nailed to paper towel to my wall when i got home. i'm really a sick puppy. and my name is nate. not nathanal(el).

You really did it? Why? I thought you were kidding.

the only thing I want on my "shimchang" is warm mouth.

if you're a guy, it's about the best thing you can do for yourself. it's an amazing experience.

what? the warm mouth or the piercing? otherwise i am with jim, all though i would like to add two things to the list

piercing. it's great. liberating.

piercing. it's great. liberating.

eh whatever. After three holes in my ear, I would say thats enough for me.

Patrick- I guess if I thought long and hard I could guess your two other "things." 1. A Warm Watermellon. 2. Fat Free Cool Whip.

cantalope, man. watermellons don't fit in the microwave.

RIGHT! what he said

How is it liberating,my son has both his nipples pierced,now I,m worried.

Thingfish, you get the Grand Prize! Even Swine won't be able to top that story! Nate: What are the logistics of a PA again? They pierce yr scrotum & yr glans & run a chain btwn the 2? (And he calls that 'liberating'??)

For the mind of his girlfriends, perhaps? And J--as long as he keeps them clean and uninfected, you should be ok.

no no no chain. just in through the urethra and out the bottom of the penis, between the "spades" of the glans.

liberating from what? you want liberation, cut the thing off.

and put in a jar. (thunk) See?

I don't even have a penis anymore and you guys are making me squirm.

Er, anymore?

Oh my. What with all the distractions such as them foreclosing on my mortgage, having to sue them vis a vis my civil rights down at the plant, the dog dying and the Volvo slipping backward down the road in the ice, plus having the killer flu the entire time, I had completely forgotten about yalls' penises. Now I am getting back my perspective, and feel ever so much better.

are they really foreclosing on your mortgage? that sucks so bad.

Now all you have to do is write a song about it and move to Nashville.

sorry about the dog.

saayyyyy...I know Lisa....I'd second the recommendation. I got enuf holes in me: try a meatotomy, where They surgically make the hole in Dick larger so ya can pee and stuff. Burns for weeks. Rather have the clap. THEN i Met Lisa...

Shelia: Sorry abt yr dog. Even sorrier abt yr house. But sitting around being sorry won't do you any good. Can we do anything? Hold a fundraiser maybe? Are you way-far behind on yr mtge. or just a couple of months behind? Becuz if we all kicked in, say $50 (that means ALL of us @ Sorabji -- even the lurkers who don't post but love the ducks) you'd have a pretty decent sum. If it won't cover the mtge. pytms/you can use it to put a good atty.on retainer... Just, like, let us know if we can help. Please.

I'm in.

*gives Sheila a big hug* Sorry, hon.

I never can tell if Sheila is serious or not,but if this is for real...I,m in too.

Oui. Moi aussi.

I'm in

I can scrap up the dough somewheres.

dear friends, yall are ever so kind, and i am touched by your generosity. it's a tax thing, and i shall work it out somehow. i won't let the ship sink, and i won't dive over the side. i have some time, and i'm working on it constantly, so for the nonce (i have always wanted to say that) i shan't be needing a flood of sorabji $$$. merci beaucoup. youse is all such great persons. love, s

In that case we can put it towards my hot tub...

Well, when The Tax Man cometh/if you can't hold him off w/yr shotgun/just give a holler & we'll get some ducats to you. Don't be too proud or any crap like that, Sheila. We'll only be spending it on drugs & drinking anyway. You're a much worthier cause. But whazzup w/yr "civil rights down at the plant"? Shd we send Swine & Nate out yr way to open up a coupla cans of whupass on somebody?

Ok. Just don't hesitate to holler. Going to Ireland in the Spring. Very excited. Changes in my life. Fast. Very exciting indeed. I'll be an east coaster within the year. Wierd.

Is it politically correct to complain about an Iranian co-worker who constantly talks VERY LOUD in Farsi on her phone? I share a cubicle wall with her and she's fucking driving me nuts.

pick up your phone every once in awhile and talk loudly in a language you make up on the spot.

people who bring hot sardine sandwiches into the office should be locked up in bamboo cages and poked in the ass with sharp sticks. god damn that smells nasty. jim, what you gotta do is just start breaking into verses of johnny cash's "ring of fire" at the top of your lungs. that shit'll probably send her screaming back to tehran. god knows it has that affect on me.

If you want,I,ll give her a crank call.

hey, that's the song i sing when crapping at work. well, you know, only for the "spicy" craps.

a local bar called The Burgundy Room, sets the bar ablazin when that song comes on........

Social Distortion does a pretty good cover of that song,but you can,t dance to it.

i like Mommy's Little Monster the best

My uncle owned a truck stop, that song was always on the juke-box(burning ring of fire)for some reason it makes me think of going to hell,and how funny it was seeing all these big truckers chasing after our car afer my brother who was about 3 and alone in the car,had shifted the car to nuetral.J almost got lucky that day.

Oooooooh. Excellent suggestions. And I loooove "Ring of Fire!" Maybe I can make the trumpet call noises too. God love June Carter Cash for writing that song! What's absolutely amusing is the fact that she's married to a Frenchman, therefore, she has a Snooty French-tinged Farsi accent. Her son is enrolled in a French Speaking School, of course knows English, and has Farsi class every Saturday. That's just too damn much in my opinion, but hey, I'm just a stinkin' American with no education past high school.

i first heard that song in Tucumcari, N.M. way back in the olden days. i was driving to St. Louis and stopped there for breakfast. there were grits on the plate. i said what is this? had not seen it before, but saw grits from that point on across the southwest. i once cooked dinner for Johnny Cash (see old story somewhere earlier). it was French food. maybe that is why his wife married a French guy. just kidding. fuck the French.

I think everyone should know at least five languages. You could try gently breaking to her that no matter how far away the other person is, the phone still works--no matter what volume her voice is at?

i hadn't seen Antoine in a week. he's been blowing off the gym. but last night he came and hunted me down in aerobics class and then we lifted together for a while. i don't know though. he's a nice enough guy i suppose, but he's a little too Vince Gill for my taste.

Vince Gill? *Jim does a Homer Simpson drool*

My husband is related to the June Carter Cash,and I can tell you she comes from TN,and she,s just a hillbilly trying to act like she,s not.Probably says she,s going swimming in the cement pond,on her way to the pool.

eh? wha'happen? who's antoine? who's vince gill? do either of them ever listen to your ideas or are they both just mesmerized by your breasts? i need to take a hiatus and go find some coherence and congruity. cancel my subscription to the flatulation.

Antoine,is a guy Sarah is interested in that goes to her health club,he probably stares at her cans.Vince Gill is a handsome country singer,he,d probably stares at her cans too.

How many parts of the female anatomy can you refer to as "cans" anyway? I'm a bit confused.

I meant breast,but now that you mention it I am sitting on my can,sorry about the confusion,I,m a bit dazed myself:)