DICK


sorabji.com: The Stalking Post: DICK
THIS IS A READ-ONLY ARCHIVE FROM THE SORABJI.COM MESSAGE BOARDS (1995-2016).

By R.C. on Wednesday, January 12, 2000 - 10:00 pm:

    Beucz Droopy's picture of
    that bird has left me w/Dick On The Brain...

    I've always been fascinated by the male phallus. It's Not Penis Envy (IMO/Freud was an asshole at times). Just a healthy curiousity abt the penis.
    And the, er, unusual things men might do w/theirs.

    But that bird beats all!

    So tell me/my Sorabji bretheren/what's the funniest or most unusual thing you've ever had or allowed to be placed on/yr dick?

    (You first, Natorious!)

    [And since we are knocking off early tonite at work & my fovorite bartendress is working/I'm gonna hit my favortie bar & get faced so I can come back & read Sorbajian Dick Tales!!!)


By R.C. on Wednesday, January 12, 2000 - 10:01 pm:


By Markus on Wednesday, January 12, 2000 - 10:08 pm:

    Everything that Freud said was either patently obvious or patently ridiculous.

    -- Mark Helprin


By droopy on Thursday, January 13, 2000 - 01:11 am:

    it's always gratifying to know that you've touched another human being in deeply intellectualy way.

    i suppose the strangest thing i've ever had on my dick was lisa c. - a very rare individual who dealt with her frustrations in a male-dominated society by writing poems mostly about violence to testicles. they were anywhere between visciously poetic to surgically precise. sometimes she would broaden her pallet to more general genital mayhem.

    the tamest possible example, but one i can quote from memory, is:

    some dicks are for pleasure,
    even some that i treasure,
    but the rest are in danger, you see.

    for the men of this nation
    are risking castration
    if they go around fucking with me.

    you can't not love her. alas, we parted ways because she's an independant woman and had her own dreams to follow. still, when i see pictures like this, i get wistful.

    last time i heard she was in california. if any of you dudes out there happen to bump into or spill coffee on a striking brunette who then threatens to rip your balls off and shove them up your nostrils, give her my best.


By J on Thursday, January 13, 2000 - 01:24 am:

    Droopy,do you want to exchange some meds?Cause I,m all good with it,we seem to pass out at the same time.


By Gee on Thursday, January 13, 2000 - 01:46 am:

    RC, I wish you could have seen "Private Dicks". It was fascinating to me, and I'm not even...I was going to say I'm not obsessed with penis', but maybe that's not true.

    penis penis penis. It's fun to say. I don't like saying phallus, I feel silly when I say cock, and dick somehow just seems pointless.


By J on Thursday, January 13, 2000 - 01:52 am:

    penis is good,cock and dick are bad.


By sarah on Thursday, January 13, 2000 - 03:07 am:


    that is the smallest penis i've ever seen. all them piercings... maybe he's hoping nobody will notice the actual size. can't think of any other reason why someone would want to mutilate their member that way.



    i think Antoine, this really nice, cute guy at the gym who wears small, black-rimmed glasses, is going to ask me out soon. maybe tomorrow. i can't wait.

    he would look good bald too, like swine. but, um, not quite *that* hot.






By Patrick on Thursday, January 13, 2000 - 11:56 am:

    ok, since droop took the plunge, i'll go next. The strangest thing would have to be finger paint. Once the wifey and I got some finger paints and painted each other. She is quite the painter otherwise. Anyway she painted him a blue snake.

    I think penis sounds clinical, totally unsexy, dick is just silly, cock is the best in terms of genuine erotic indication, i think.


By Nate on Thursday, January 13, 2000 - 12:12 pm:

    i wasn't allowed to be first.

    i dunno, though. i think the strangest thing that's ever happend to my peter was the PA.

    fear. fear put me in turtle mode. i think i actually said to the piercer "uh, it's usually bigger." and she said "yeah, you look really pale."

    i duno. that's how i remember it.

    it was bloody.


By Patrick on Thursday, January 13, 2000 - 12:26 pm:

    PA?


By Nate on Thursday, January 13, 2000 - 12:34 pm:

    prince albert. we've gone over this, check your notes.


By Patrick on Thursday, January 13, 2000 - 12:39 pm:

    right.

    what were you thinking???????


By MapleLeaf on Thursday, January 13, 2000 - 12:53 pm:

    besides...Why am I doing this?


By Nate on Thursday, January 13, 2000 - 01:00 pm:

    i was thinking "damn this is cool"

    i really enjoyed having a PA. it gives you license to show your dick to almost anyone. "want to see my new piercing?" "yeah!" BLIZITYBLIZOUGH "oh my!"


By Patrick on Thursday, January 13, 2000 - 01:13 pm:

    thats just nutty


By R.C. on Thursday, January 13, 2000 - 05:09 pm:

    Wait -- I'm confused.

    Droopy -- did you have Lisa C's poetry on yr dick/or Lisa herself. Having a woman on yr dick hardly qualifies as usunual.

    AND NATE'S GOT A PRINCE ALBERT?! Good grief, man!
    Actually/you said 'had' -- what happened to it?

    Fingerpainting someone's cock sounds incredibly erotic. Gotta try that someday.



    So izzat it?

    No one's done anything really wild w/their cock -- like feeding it to their pet python (a very friendly & trutsed python/of course)to see what it feels like to have something constricting & swallowing yr dick at the same time?

    Or playing "Guess What Food" with yr dick -- i.e. you're blindfolded & someone sticks yr cock into containers of various foodstuffs & you must guess that food it is based on how it feels against yr member? (That's another good dick word.)

    What wusses you guys are!

    Where's Swine? I'm sure he's done some pretty unusual things w/his dick. He will put you all to shame -- just wait.


By Nate on Thursday, January 13, 2000 - 05:46 pm:

    i took it out. cervix-bruiser. check your notes, we've been over this.


By semillama on Thursday, January 13, 2000 - 07:01 pm:

    Nothing remotely amusing has ever happened to my john thomas.

    However, i did hear the tale of one "l'il" smoky", an unfortunate chap who discovered a tick on the end of his dick and decided the best way to make it let go was , er, apply the use of fire . . . hence, "L'il Smoky."


By heather on Thursday, January 13, 2000 - 07:51 pm:

    you should write a limerick, sem

    a bird once told me that sometimes (very often said this bird,) boys experiment with 'what things might feel like'


By Patrick on Thursday, January 13, 2000 - 07:53 pm:

    a fuzzy chinchilla told me girls are very similar in fashion


By Hal on Thursday, January 13, 2000 - 08:05 pm:

    First of all, droopy, I saw the pic, and well I locked myself in a room and cried and hit my head into a wall for hours... But anyway I had a question for Nate... Just where are you from man, just because I happen to know a fellow, named Nathanal ( everyone calls hime nate ) and he just happens to have a prince albert... So I was just wondering if you were him, and I didn't know it... Small world eh?

    Again, I will reiderate a fact I presented earlier I refuse to get a peircing and to get one there would take an act of god or my untimely death.


By heather on Thursday, January 13, 2000 - 08:14 pm:

    can't be him

    he ain't got it no more

    let's pay attention kids



By cyst on Thursday, January 13, 2000 - 09:00 pm:

    my friend went straight home after getting his, but still by the time he got there the front of his pants were soaked red.


By Thingfish on Friday, January 14, 2000 - 03:21 am:

    Poison Ivy Cock

    I can't remember if it was from masturbation or woods-pissing. I worked on a golf course grounds crew for three summers in my high school days. The third and final summer was memorable because of the poison ivy rash that spread from my hands to the johnson. One night I couldn't stand the itching anymore and I scratched my penis for a while. The itch turned into pain and I ventured to the loo (terminology in honor of RC). When I turned on the light, my cock had swelled to thrice the normal size (non erect) with five puss-filled discs clinging to the sides. I was both terrified and enthralled. Now that 10+ years have passed, I just remember the size and not the pain. Sweet memories.


By Nate on Friday, January 14, 2000 - 11:07 am:

    the place i got my shimchang pierced said "we usually have gauze and tape and stuff to wrap you up with, but we seem to be out today... have a paper towel."

    i nailed to paper towel to my wall when i got home. i'm really a sick puppy.

    and my name is nate. not nathanal(el).


By J on Friday, January 14, 2000 - 11:21 am:

    You really did it? Why? I thought you were kidding.


By Jim aka Pajama on Friday, January 14, 2000 - 11:28 am:

    the only thing I want on my "shimchang" is warm mouth.


By Nate on Friday, January 14, 2000 - 11:50 am:

    if you're a guy, it's about the best thing you can do for yourself. it's an amazing experience.


By Patrick on Friday, January 14, 2000 - 12:18 pm:

    what? the warm mouth or the piercing? otherwise i am with jim, all though i would like to add two things to the list


By Nate on Friday, January 14, 2000 - 12:38 pm:

    piercing. it's great.

    liberating.


By Nate on Friday, January 14, 2000 - 12:38 pm:

    piercing. it's great.

    liberating.


By Patrick on Friday, January 14, 2000 - 12:57 pm:

    eh whatever. After three holes in my ear, I would say thats enough for me.


By Jim aka Pajama on Friday, January 14, 2000 - 01:51 pm:

    Patrick- I guess if I thought long and hard I could guess your two other "things."

    1. A Warm Watermellon.

    2. Fat Free Cool Whip.


By Nate on Friday, January 14, 2000 - 02:00 pm:

    cantalope, man. watermellons don't fit in the microwave.


By Patrick on Friday, January 14, 2000 - 02:02 pm:

    RIGHT! what he said


By J on Friday, January 14, 2000 - 02:32 pm:

    How is it liberating,my son has both his nipples pierced,now I,m worried.


By R.C. on Friday, January 14, 2000 - 06:39 pm:

    Thingfish, you get the Grand Prize! Even Swine won't be able to top that story!

    Nate: What are the logistics of a PA again? They pierce yr scrotum & yr glans & run a chain btwn the 2?

    (And he calls that 'liberating'??)


By Isolde on Friday, January 14, 2000 - 06:57 pm:

    For the mind of his girlfriends, perhaps?
    And J--as long as he keeps them clean and uninfected, you should be ok.


By Nate on Friday, January 14, 2000 - 07:07 pm:

    no no no chain.

    just in through the urethra and out the bottom of the penis, between the "spades" of the glans.


By _____ on Friday, January 14, 2000 - 07:25 pm:

    liberating from what?

    you want liberation, cut the thing off.


By semillama on Friday, January 14, 2000 - 09:15 pm:

    and put in a jar.

    (thunk)

    See?


By Gee on Saturday, January 15, 2000 - 02:32 am:

    I don't even have a penis anymore and you guys are making me squirm.


By Antigone on Saturday, January 15, 2000 - 04:42 am:

    Er, anymore?


By Sheila on Saturday, January 15, 2000 - 12:48 pm:

    Oh my. What with all the distractions such as them foreclosing on my mortgage, having to sue them vis a vis my civil rights down at the plant, the dog dying and the Volvo slipping backward down the road in the ice, plus having the killer flu the entire time, I had completely forgotten about yalls' penises.

    Now I am getting back my perspective, and feel ever so much better.


By agatha on Saturday, January 15, 2000 - 02:20 pm:

    are they really foreclosing on your mortgage? that sucks so bad.


By simon on Saturday, January 15, 2000 - 03:41 pm:

    Now all you have to do is write a song about it and move to Nashville.


By Nelly on Saturday, January 15, 2000 - 07:24 pm:

    sorry about the dog.


By Meatballs on Saturday, January 15, 2000 - 10:10 pm:

    saayyyyy...I know Lisa....I'd second the recommendation. I got enuf holes in me: try a meatotomy, where They surgically make the hole in Dick larger so ya can pee and stuff. Burns for weeks. Rather have the clap. THEN i Met Lisa...


By R.C. on Monday, January 17, 2000 - 04:57 pm:

    Shelia: Sorry abt yr dog. Even sorrier abt yr house. But sitting around being sorry won't do you any good.

    Can we do anything? Hold a fundraiser maybe? Are you way-far behind on yr mtge. or just a couple of months behind? Becuz if we all kicked in, say $50 (that means ALL of us @ Sorabji -- even the lurkers who don't post but love the ducks) you'd have a pretty decent sum. If it won't cover the mtge. pytms/you can use it to put a good atty.on retainer...

    Just, like, let us know if we can help. Please.


By Markus on Tuesday, January 18, 2000 - 09:50 am:

    I'm in.


By Jim aka Pajama on Tuesday, January 18, 2000 - 10:46 am:

    *gives Sheila a big hug*

    Sorry, hon.


By J on Tuesday, January 18, 2000 - 11:53 am:

    I never can tell if Sheila is serious or not,but if this is for real...I,m in too.


By Isolde on Tuesday, January 18, 2000 - 06:18 pm:

    Oui. Moi aussi.


By MapleLeaf on Tuesday, January 18, 2000 - 07:23 pm:

    I'm in


By semillama on Tuesday, January 18, 2000 - 08:46 pm:

    I can scrap up the dough somewheres.


By Sheila on Tuesday, January 18, 2000 - 10:08 pm:

    dear friends,

    yall are ever so kind, and i am touched by your generosity. it's a tax thing, and i shall work it out somehow. i won't let the ship sink, and i won't dive over the side.

    i have some time, and i'm working on it constantly, so for the nonce (i have always wanted to say that) i shan't be needing a flood of sorabji $$$.

    merci beaucoup.

    youse is all such great persons.

    love,

    s


By simon on Tuesday, January 18, 2000 - 10:23 pm:

    In that case we can put it towards my hot tub...


By R.C. on Tuesday, January 18, 2000 - 11:11 pm:

    Well, when The Tax Man cometh/if you can't hold him off w/yr shotgun/just give a holler & we'll
    get some ducats to you.

    Don't be too proud or any crap like that, Sheila. We'll only be spending it on drugs & drinking anyway. You're a much worthier cause.

    But whazzup w/yr "civil rights down at the plant"?

    Shd we send Swine & Nate out yr way to open up a coupla cans of whupass on somebody?


By Isolde on Tuesday, January 18, 2000 - 11:20 pm:

    Ok. Just don't hesitate to holler.
    Going to Ireland in the Spring. Very excited. Changes in my life. Fast. Very exciting indeed. I'll be an east coaster within the year. Wierd.


By Jim aka Pajama on Wednesday, January 19, 2000 - 11:36 am:

    Is it politically correct to complain about an Iranian co-worker who constantly talks VERY LOUD in Farsi on her phone? I share a cubicle wall with her and she's fucking driving me nuts.


By Nate on Wednesday, January 19, 2000 - 11:48 am:

    pick up your phone every once in awhile and talk loudly in a language you make up on the spot.


By mistaswine on Wednesday, January 19, 2000 - 01:04 pm:

    people who bring hot sardine sandwiches into the office should be locked up in bamboo cages and poked in the ass with sharp sticks.

    god damn that smells nasty.



    jim, what you gotta do is just start breaking into verses of johnny cash's "ring of fire" at the top of your lungs.

    that shit'll probably send her screaming back to tehran.


    god knows it has that affect on me.


By J on Wednesday, January 19, 2000 - 01:20 pm:

    If you want,I,ll give her a crank call.


By Nate on Wednesday, January 19, 2000 - 01:22 pm:

    hey, that's the song i sing when crapping at work.

    well, you know, only for the "spicy" craps.


By Patrick on Wednesday, January 19, 2000 - 01:24 pm:

    a local bar called The Burgundy Room, sets the bar ablazin when that song comes on........


By J on Wednesday, January 19, 2000 - 01:59 pm:

    Social Distortion does a pretty good cover of that song,but you can,t dance to it.


By Patrick on Wednesday, January 19, 2000 - 02:06 pm:

    i like Mommy's Little Monster the best


By J on Wednesday, January 19, 2000 - 04:02 pm:

    My uncle owned a truck stop, that song was always on the juke-box(burning ring of fire)for some reason it makes me think of going to hell,and how funny it was seeing all these big truckers chasing after our car afer my brother who was about 3 and alone in the car,had shifted the car to nuetral.J almost got lucky that day.


By Jim aka Pajama on Wednesday, January 19, 2000 - 04:29 pm:

    Oooooooh. Excellent suggestions. And I loooove "Ring of Fire!"

    Maybe I can make the trumpet call noises too. God love June Carter Cash for writing that song!

    What's absolutely amusing is the fact that she's married to a Frenchman, therefore, she has a Snooty French-tinged Farsi accent. Her son is enrolled in a French Speaking School, of course knows English, and has Farsi class every Saturday. That's just too damn much in my opinion, but hey, I'm just a stinkin' American with no education past high school.


By Sheila on Wednesday, January 19, 2000 - 05:40 pm:

    i first heard that song in Tucumcari, N.M. way back in the olden days. i was driving to St. Louis and stopped there for breakfast. there were grits on the plate. i said what is this? had not seen it before, but saw grits from that point on across the southwest.

    i once cooked dinner for Johnny Cash (see old story somewhere earlier).

    it was French food. maybe that is why his wife married a French guy.

    just kidding.

    fuck the French.


By Isolde on Wednesday, January 19, 2000 - 06:03 pm:

    I think everyone should know at least five languages. You could try gently breaking to her that no matter how far away the other person is, the phone still works--no matter what volume her voice is at?


By sarah on Wednesday, January 19, 2000 - 09:08 pm:


    i hadn't seen Antoine in a week. he's been blowing off the gym. but last night he came and hunted me down in aerobics class and then we lifted together for a while.

    i don't know though. he's a nice enough guy i suppose, but he's a little too Vince Gill for my taste.




By Jim aka Pajama on Thursday, January 20, 2000 - 11:00 am:

    Vince Gill? *Jim does a Homer Simpson drool*


By J on Thursday, January 20, 2000 - 11:11 am:

    My husband is related to the June Carter Cash,and I can tell you she comes from TN,and she,s just a hillbilly trying to act like she,s not.Probably says she,s going swimming in the cement pond,on her way to the pool.


By mistaswine on Thursday, January 20, 2000 - 11:11 am:

    eh? wha'happen?

    who's antoine?

    who's vince gill?

    do either of them ever listen to your ideas or are they both just mesmerized by your breasts?

    i need to take a hiatus and go find some coherence and congruity.


    cancel my subscription to the flatulation.


By J on Thursday, January 20, 2000 - 12:31 pm:

    Antoine,is a guy Sarah is interested in that goes to her health club,he probably stares at her cans.Vince Gill is a handsome country singer,he,d probably stares at her cans too.


By semillama on Thursday, January 20, 2000 - 02:21 pm:

    How many parts of the female anatomy can you refer to as "cans" anyway? I'm a bit confused.


By J on Thursday, January 20, 2000 - 03:14 pm:

    I meant breast,but now that you mention it I am sitting on my can,sorry about the confusion,I,m a bit dazed myself:)


By sarah on Thursday, January 20, 2000 - 05:18 pm:


    did i say Vince Gill??


    jeezis herbie christ. what is wrong with me?


    i meant Johnny Gill. As in "my, my, my, m-m-m- myyyyyy, you sho look good tonight..."



    i don't know if antoine is fixated on my tits or not but i do give him credit. i look worse at the gym (sweaty, red-faced, hair hair all snarled in a ponytail, etc.) than i do when i first wake up in the morning. if he still wants to pick me up when i look like that, he's gotta be ok.


    and swine... please be a good podling and stop pulling on my pigtails. thanks.





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