Well, i came home from work, dicked around the house, played some darts and played with the kitties. Took a walk down the block to the Japanese resturant. Had Gyozo, terriyaki, miso, saki and sapporo. I love eating Japanes for the simple fact that they always serve the right portions, and it's layed out so you can have just a bit of everything. Aside from the seafood, I love Japanese food and the varieties they serve. The saki was good. How do you like your saki? chilled or hot? I like it chilled. It goes down easier. Got a buzz going on, walked home up that oh so steep hill. Smoked some pot and busted out the camera. The wife put on a wig and a sexy dress and we did some cheesy boudoir shots. I suspect they won't be that interesting, but it's fun nonetheless. Often, my camera can be an aphrodisiac. Last night was no exception. I'll spare the details. Afterwords, we curled in the bed and watched Conan, whom I would say is the best out of the three night show peeps, Letterman has gotten soft and Leno is just impossible to look at. Angelina Jolie was on it, but we fell asleep. The wifey said, "....she's a hottie.." I said "I bet she likes to kiss on girls". She said ".....with those lips, you bet....." We recently got a new down comforter, it's so soft, but also heavy to a certain extent. It feels good weighting down on you. Plus we have a "kitty blanket" that goes on top of that. It's a blanket mom gave us with kitties embroidered on it (silly i know, but it's a good nap blanket). Our comforter is black and since the kitties INSIST on sleeping on or in the bed (one being white and the other with a white belly), the kitty hair proliferation must be controlled some how. Anyway, such a wonderful feeling, dozing off with a warm soft body under one arm, a kitty sleeping in between my legs and another on a pillow above the Mrs's head........this is my family, this is what i did last night....... oh yeah that and I did some reading. For xmas I scored a handful of photo books, you know those expensive ones, xmas was a good time to score them, and since my family is "wired" now, i owe my thanks in part to amazon.com. Anyway, I scored -Cindy Sherman-Retrospective -Diane Arbus -Duane Michaels-The Essential DM -Tony Ward-Obsessions These are all big fat books, that sit heavy on your lap, enveloping you...such happiness looking at photos, reading the text, looking at the photos, i can get wrapped up in that for hours.....so much inspiration...... what did you do last night?

How odd,I had saki too,but at a Tai place a belated anniversery dinner as it was last Sat.,God I love peanut sauce,was stuffed after the appetizer,so will have some of my dinner today if I remember.I like my saki warm.I had two joints done when s/o came home, made sure there was cold beer in the fridge,so he,d be happy,got the new issue of Bizarre,that made me happy.After we came home from eating,rolled some more,watched Drew Carey,Whose line is it,Jeopardy,Win Ben Steins money,watched my s/o jerk his penis around with the string of his sweatpants while asking me for a B.J.,I did,watched the news,got naked,did the wild thing,passed out.

Last night I fixed dinner. Fetuccini Alfredo, Peas, a salad. Then I sat down in my bedroom at the computer only to have to power go out. Localized to my bedroom. The circuit breaker wasn't tripped. Electric Company coming out today to check it out. Took a two hour nap. Then got up and went to Omega for a couple beers. Then home, where I rigged an extension cord to my bathroom outlet and chatted online for about an hour. To bed at 2:30. Blah. P.S. Patrick - got them photo shoot proofs ready? *g*

the website is being worked on as we speak, i will post a link. Although my the gallery with nico and I will be the last to go up. First, it will be a gallery of Nico and my photography, then a gallery to follow with shots of us both.

It's very wet outside. I think winter has finally decided to come in. I sat at home last night and listened to the rain, and periodically broke off my reverie to work on the wax model I'm trying (?) to finish sometime soon. The flowers got kind of wierd. I'm thinking of scrapping it.

It,s better to be wet inside,what is this project,Isoide?

I spent a good portion online, then watched some rasslin' and went to bed. No dinner, as I wasn't hungry. But I'm sick, so no drinking saki for me.

I'm eventually going to be casting a necklace for a friend. Right now it looks like s senseless blob of wax on my work table, and I'm tempted to melt it down. But I'm kind of in a bad mood today, so I think I'll leave it and see if I still feel that way when I wake up tommorrow. It's supposed to have kind of an art noveau look--not quite my style, but it's a gift for someone else, so I won't have to look at it too long--an asymmetrical garland set with pink tourmaline in the middle, that will eventually be on a super-fine chain. Bleh. It looks uglier every time I look at it. I should just start over.

Patrick, you have an enviously perfect homelife. I'm jealous....

Last night (it was Friday) Me and the two bestest girlfriends went out for dinner. It was nice. I got asked for ID. They've just lowered the drinking age in NZ to 18. I'm going to be 25 in August. I was pissed off. We went to a bar - Sharon and Jules are single so they wanted to talent spot. We had another drink. There was no talent. We came home. Tonight should be better.

I worked last night (last night being thursday in my mind) and I really enjoyed it. I like my job a lot. I like the people I work with. I talked about my last night elsewhere. I failed to realize that I could have been doing the most fun thing in the world last night. One of the two most fun things, it's really a tie for first place. right now I'm horrified.

tonight I went to the sandy hut - generic divey bar the hungry tiger - divey chinese restaurant lounge three sisters - gay male strip bar the spare room - divey bar where seniors dance to '50s covers played on the guitar and keyboard by larry and terri the limelight - medium-nice bar I remember laughing a lot.

divey?

Last night, I and my mother and father went over to my aunt's and uncle's house for dinner. It's my uncle's birthday tomorrow, but none of us are going to be around tomorrow so we had dinner together last night. I think my uncle likes me. Not in *that* way, but in a nice, fond, as-a-person way, not just because I'm family. He doesn't have good relationships with his daughters, so maybe I'm filling their shoes. Did I tell you that my mother may go to school in Boston in the fall? No one seems to be worrying about the effect that will have on our family, but I am. My mother doesn't seem to be treating my father very well lately. She takes offense at everything he says and is hardly ever at home anymore. She's always out with her friends. Is it just me, or is this not a good sign? Add to this the knowledge that my mother has always claimed that my father was a lot different before they were married ("He used to be *fun* but now he just sits there" is what she says). Plus, she's always "teasing" him about his female students and "wouldn't you rather be with one of them and not me?" AND she also "jokes" about maybe finding someone new. This isn't good, is it? I remember being very little and in the car with my parents and my brother, and my mother asking the two of us which parent we would choose if they split up. My brother immediately said my mother, so I of course said I would go with my father, but only because I didn't want him to feel bad. Now, however, they're both extremely irritating, and I wouldn't be married to either of them if I were in such a position. So if anything bad *does* happen, I can't say that I don't understand. Right now, my mother is in Virginia visiting family and my father is entertaining a guest downstairs. Let me tell you about this guest. His name is Samuel and he used to be a colleague of my father's. My father can't stand him. Get this: one time my father and he were driving somewhere, and every time my father raised or lowered his window, Samuel would do the same. My father was chewing a piece of gum, and Samuel *made him stop at a 7-11 so he could have some gum, too.* Samuel grew a beard -- my father has a beard. My father is in a choir -- Samuel joined the choir. My father bought a new car -- Samuel bought a new car. Samuel also got reading glasses (my father wears reading glasses) and my father told us he was tempted to steal them to see if the lenses were clear glass. Samuel finally left the area this summer when he got a job in W. Virginia, but he keeps coming back every few weeks to visit my father. Now, he's downstairs and my father is talking him out of marrying a girl he's only known for two weeks. Samuel actually told my father that he wants to get married because everyone else he knows is married. People are crazy. Do you ever get the feeling that the whole world is falling apart around you and you're the only one going to be left standing? It's not a very comfortable feeling, is it?

you've never heard "divey"? with a long i sound? better to turn nouns into adjectives than into verbs (or gerunds). charitable gifting. servicing clients. I recently saw "trial" used as a verb too; I forgot the context. why not plain old-fashioned "give," "serve" and "try"? ... other people are crazy, spider. this girl I know, when she was in high school her parents sponsored a russian exchange student. she and tatiana were the same age, and they shared a bedroom and lived as if they were sisters. her father ended up leaving her mother to be with the hot teen devushka. now the russian girl is her stepmother. she had to go over there for christmas and eat borscht.

That's gross. You're right, I could have it a lot worse.

that other people have it worse never seems relevant to me. maybe if your mom isn't so nice to your dad, he'd be happier if they lived apart.

it sounds as though your mother's eye is roving, rhiannon. i'm sorry.

Yeah, I'm sorry, too. I can believe my mom would be happier without my dad, but not the other way around. My dad is one of those people where nothing's ever good enough, and when it is good enough, he won't tell you...so you spend your whole life trying to please him and yet you can't even tell when you've succeeded. And he expects you to anticipate what he expects of you, and if you don't (in other words, if you act like a normal human being and fail to read his mind) he gets really angry. That's hard enough if you're his kid, but it must be really tough if you're his wife. The other night my mother told me that in nearly 30 years of marriage he's never told her she looks nice. I can understand how difficult it must be to be married to him. But on the other hand: he's extremely dependable -- she never has to worry about finances or taxes or getting the car or the house fixes; he never lies; he's always there (physically, anyway) when you need him; pretty much, he lets her do and go whatever and wherever she wants. Well, until anything more happens, I'm not going to think about this anymore. I'm going back to school tomorrow, so there's nothing I can do if something happens. And probably nothing's going to happen and I'm making a big deal about nothing, as usual.

Well, if they do split, Rhiannon, be glad you're at school. When my folks split, they announced it after we attended chruch as a family (for the last time) for the pre-thnaksgiving service. After we got home, they told my brother and I they were divorcing. I was a sophomore in college at the time, and my brother was sill in high school. I found that being away from home with a degree of autonomy gave me a great deal of power in decideing who to spend my time with. Also being geographically far away from the place when all the divorce garbage went through was good, too. Whatever happens, good luck.

Oh, man. My heart goes out to you. Thanks for the luck.

Aw, I got over it. At least it wasn't ugly. And my heart goes out to you, cause it sure sounds to me from what you described that your parents are probably headed down the same road. Hope I'm wrong, and they can work things out, but if not, we'll be here for you.

My parents broke up (they were never married) in kendergarten. It was great. I had no idea what was going on, but suddenly I had two houses and my mother and father stopped slinking around the halls with other people. Plus--double the toys. The simple things in life pleased me when I was young. Messy divorces are no good, though. God luck, Rhi

My parent's divorce decree just went into effect on Wednesday. 33 years, they were married. I always thought, "They argue all of the time, but at least they're still together." Well, now they're not, and I'm among the ranks of the Children of Divorced Parents. My dad wanted the divorce. I still don't completely know why. He's a very private person. I live three blocks from my mother and about a mile from my father. We see each other every week. I'm fucking tired.

DIVORCE IS NOT ACCEPTABLE. WORK IT OUT.

Fuck you.

y'all are bringing me down, and i just got back from listening to some good blues. my parents got married because my mother go pregnant with yours truly. followed by 12 years of what my mother describes as "great sadness." then my mother heard about some friends - the husband had been cheating on the wife. so my mother says to my dad: "don't ever make me a ridiculous, unsuspecting wife. if you ever have an affair you tell me or give me a divorce." my father says: "then we're getting a divorce." clean as a whistle. fuck you, m. my sympathies, antigone. i'll see that your membership card is sent.

Hey thanks! My sympathies to both of you. Really. I guess my comment was more of a scream into the ether wishing that divorce was less acceptable. that's all easy with the fah-queues

I used to think that if I was married to someone and he cheated on me, I would leave him and never go back to him or speak to him or have anything to do with him ever again. Lately I've been thinking that it really might depend on the situation. my father left when I was a couple months old. I've never met him. I've never been sorry about it, though - he was a bad guy. There were several times when I thought it would have been really nice to have someone to do those Fatherly things with, though. I remember the day I found my parents divorce papers and saw what my fathers name was. I cried about everything for the next few weeks, because now he seemed Real. now he had an Identity. I don't remember what his name is anymore.

It,s real hard to be married,resentments get deeper,people change....Isoide,do you have any of your work online?

what did you do last night, j? I parked on the wrong side of the street. my car is iced over. I couldn't open the door earlier. so I decided to come back in and have a cup of tea and read sorabji.com. I guess I should try again. but I'm not sure it's really better out there than in here.

last night and yesterday afternoon, i had a photo shoot. Afterwards, I took the model and nico out for dinner, a buddy joined us, at this italian cafe down the street. It's a great place with good northern italian food, plus you can save a few bucks, they don't/can't serve alcohol, so wine is cheaper from trader joes, the previous night, went to jumbos clown room. Love Jumbo's....it was great, the dancer that we met on xmas day was there. We knew right away when we heard Frank Sinatra, that she was about to pop out behind the curtain. She's very cute, knows how to dance. For some reason Cyst , she makes me think of you, I dunno?????? Some other dancers make sure you remember where you are by dancing to Motley Crue or somthing awful like that. They usually have jet black hair and tattoo and love to spread their legs. The aforementioned girl and this girl are usually where the line in taste is drawn. The jet black-tattooed-leg spreader girl reminds of how things are "supposed" to be in Hollywood. But then she made up for it by dancing to the Stooges.....

Gee--yes, some. I have kind of a confusing work situation because I work for a theatre up here, but that's not the only job I hold--the pay isn't good enough. So I also work for a graphic designer and printer up here who lets me set my own hours. I do most of her web stuff, so am sometimes online snooping, and occaisonally I go down there to print or something along those lines. I'm a jack(ess?)-of-all-trades. But right now we're in tech, so my schedule is really wierd. Bleh. My parents didn't bother doing the kid thing until they had been together 10 years. It killed the relationship. Then my mother remarried the jerk she'd been cheating on my father with, who was very fond of beating me and leaving me for dead. So, confused, I kept doing the split house thing until I understood what was going on, at which point I moved in with my father. Divorce is very acceptable. Cheating is not.

Last night: In no particular order... Ordered Chinese take out from an excellent little place up the street (the smaller places usually are better), watched 'The Avengers' (Ralph Fiennes *purrrr*) on digital cable (HBO, Showtime... one of those), talked with an old friend online with whom I hadn't spoken to in a long time & made plans to get together, caught up on a handful of email, cleaned the kitchen (serious scrubbing, rearranging, etc... the full 9 yards), did a little laundry, sorted thru stacks of old mail which had begun to pile up and create this sort of 'leaning tower of piza' on my desk, ripped a couple more CDs to add to my evergrowing 6gigs of mp3age (that's not counting the amnt on the other machines, here), checked on the status of some of my eBay auctions, went to bed around 2am (early for me) and snuggled up to my boyfriend. All in all a pretty quiet night but a nice one nevertheless. :)

Last night? Made oxtail stew -- I had never tried it, looked interesting in the cookbook, came out very nice, the bones are kinda weird though, but the meat's really good. Then I watched tv with my girlfriend til our eyes fell out. The Simpsons (best show on tv), the one after it on Fox with the little kids -- kind of cute, X-Files (2nd best show on tv -- cool episode about snake handlers, the atmosphere kind of reminded me of that great movie by and with Robert Duvall, The Apostle), and La Femme Nikita (a guilty pleasure.) Called it a night.

What kind of things do you bid on on eBay, Carrie Ann? Or do you sell? I've just recently become addicted to that place. Seriously, I think I may be addicted. I won't go there anymore...unless my personal shopper tells me too. someone outbid me on this little Wonder Woman tote bag, and I almost bid again but then I remembered the Very Important Thing I'm Always Forgetting - US FUNDS! Fourty bucks for a tote bag may be reasonable here, but with the conversaion rate it's around eighty bucks. That's a bit too much, even for Wonder Woman.

Oh, I'm totally addicted. Joined over a year ago but only in the past 6months or so have I really bid on/sold anything. I bid on anything and everything to be honest (with some exceptions). I wish I could say I was a collector of one specific sort of thing and was combing the depths of eBay, searching for that one piece to finish off my collection... but alas, I find myself bidding on completely useless STUFF sometimes. That's all I can define it as... STUFF. Not everything I get is wasteful though as I generally bid on new things and things that you'd find in stores but can get for a whole heck of a lot less on eBay. I did most of my Xmas shopping online this year and a great deal of it was from eBay. My weakness is buying stuff for other people though, so I guess it's not all bad. I also sell items, mostly computer related things, as this house seems to be a magnet for such. I also sold a domain name and the guy who won it bid $1,250.00 Unfortunately there was some sort of copyright thing he was paranoid about and he backed out. That's always a pisser. But for the most part, all has been fine and dandy and I'm making up for what I spend with what I sell. If you don't get too carried away, it can be pretty cool.

tonight I went out for drinks instead of picking up my mail, going to the gym and doing my homework.

Last night, I tried to write a poem for my class and failed. Then I tried to read other poetry and literature and song lyrics for inspiration, but no inspiration came. Then I called up my friend L. to see if she could come up to see me, but she wasn't home. So I sat around and played on the internet (incl. eBay, which is also an addiction, though I search for things that I think I want before I see them up for auction, like this one video collection called "Mouthful of Sweat" off the Atavistic label, which has the CSC Bud-Dwyer-without-a-head-video for "Shine On Elizabeth" on it, which I would very much like to see. I saw "Mouthful of Sweat" *once* up for auction, but it was like $40 and I didn't bid on it. But now I'm thinking I should have, since I've never seen it again and it's out of print. Argh.) Then L. called and tried to help me with my poem, but it didn't work. So we talked about gun control and legalized prostitution and chemical substances and the country of Holland. Then I sat up until 1 making up stories in my head.

Even when you are not doing much, Rhiannon, you still manage to be interesting. Myself, I played through some old tunes I wrote and improved on them a bit. I hope I get a chance to get the band back together next fall. I also wasted three hours watching wrasslin'. I went ot bed a tten and once again violated my rule of "read only one chapter, then go to sleep". Damn you Robert Jordan!

I'm almost finished my can of Dr. Pepper. This time I thought ahead: there's a bottle sitting in the freezer just Waiting for me to take my last swig of the can. Does anyone ever say "swig" anymore?

Swig.

tonight I went out for drinks instead of picking up my mail, going to the gym and doing my homework.

Pimped my goods to a new company, with whom I'll hopefully be going to work for soon. I currently do graphic design for an internet startup and things were amazing at first... busy busy but that = $ch-ching$.... BUT things have slowed down somewhat and since I could be making more per/hr as a contractor, I decided to go work for another company who could in turn 'pimp me out' (as my boyfriend refers to it) to this company as well as others and charge more. In the end, much better than what I'm doing now. *fingers crossed* that all works out. And now, to sleep... perchance to dream.

he's such a fucking liar. he called me. I was on the other line with a real friend. I told him about how now I have hope for the future. about how I realized that life doesn't have to be a prison sentence. I also told him I couldn't really go out. but his voice. "meet me at la cruda, then we can go to bar of the gods or shanghai tunnel or wherever you want. but I don't want to hang out at la cruda. I just have to pick up a bag there." I got dressed. I asked my roommate, "k, do I look really, really good?" "you always look really, really good." "I have to look extra good because he has to regret." so I met him at la cruda. he was sitting in the bar with like five other guys. he had cut his hair short. I was glad. it made it easier for me not to like him anymore. I met them all, and after a little while four of the five left. I asked the remaining pal if he knew what "invidious" meant. he said yes but he didn't. the shorn-sheep boy asked me what I wanted to do, if I wanted to go somewhere else. I told him yes. he said he didn't know if he had time. he had to get home to read a book. he was fucking with me again. I couldn't believe it. then he said, ok, do you want to get a glass of wine, let's go to vincente's. whatever. so we went over there and of course he knew everyone and had to chat with them and set up comp deals. I was reminded of how fucking ridiculous it all is, especially now that he doesn't even qualify as a hair crush. he asked me if I wanted to go to his house and smoke a bowl. "ok," I said. "as long as we don't have to watch tv. I hate tv." "ok," he said. so we went over there and asked if I wanted to smoke from a pipe or the bong. "pipe," I said. but he couldn't find one. so he loaded the bong. it has a picture of madonna taped to it. a little photo from the sex book. she's naked, I think she's hitching a ride. she looks perfect. I took a hit and he told me I had to smoke the whole bowl by myself. "no," I said. "it's for you," he said. "no. thanks." "you're supposed to smoke the whole thing." "no. soon you're going to dismiss me, and I'm not going to drive home stoned." he put on some music. he couldn't just stay still next to me on the couch. well, eventually he did. he looked at me. a lot. and then he touched my boots, my leg. but he is good. he has a girlfriend. so suddenly he got up, held out his hand for me to take, and said, "I'm going to watch tv now." he dismissed me. I got up right away, headed for the door. "you're not mad, are you?" "oh no, I'm not mad at all. I understand how much you like tv." I was actually about to cry, but there was no way that was going to happen. no fucking way. he had told me that he wanted us to be honest with each other. he wanted us to be friends. the tv thing was either not honest or not friendly. but it didn't matter.

why did you go? do i need to come down there and slap you, girl? boy, you really make me mad.

oh, i forgot. last night. i didn't work yesterday, spent the day taking care of little odds and ends, put down some ideas in my journal for the first time in weeks. that felt good. then, i went to get cleo from the bus. then, we went home. i cleaned out her toyboxes the other day when she was at a birthday party and threw out a bunch of shit and organized the rest, i told her that i had put some toys away and she just needed to ask me for them if she wanted to play with them. she is strangely into this idea, she has been telling her friends about it. she cleans up the one activity before she asks for another. i think she craves more structure in her life. so, anyhow, she did that asking for toys thing for awhile and i cooked dinner and did some of the dishes that never end. i made beans and tortillas. i started the beans too late in the day, so they were less spectacular then usual. then, my friend sarah dropped off her daughter grace for the evening. then, my friend jen called. she just had a baby. she told me that if she had known how cool having a kid was going to be, she would have done it long ago. i saved my comments for when the child turns two. if she still wants another kid then, i will believe her. then, we had dinner. then, my friend susan called from humboldt county. she is pregnant, as well. she spent a little while complaining about the hospital, they are making her feel as though her pregnancy is not normal. i consoled her for awhile. then, i watched friends. who knew that phoebe was married? what a surprise! then, i vacuumed the living room. then, i put the girls to bed, we made shadow puppets on the wall using this book i got for christmas. cleo got really frustrated with the whole thing and started crying, so i decided to nix the shadow puppets and read books instead. so, we read books and then i shut their door and told them to go to sleep. as if. then, i watched that seventies show. then, i did my taxes with turbo tax. i am getting back 2300 dollars. i am going to buy a press. then, sarah came and got grace. then, i went to bed and read some science fiction book that dave reccommended to me. then, i went to sleep. isn't my life thrilling?

$2300? jesus christ agatha, you need to boost your W-4 allowances. don't be giving the government no free loans.

i don't keep good track of things, so i just make it a point to not claim anything in order to simplify my life. you understand that i'm getting that money back, not giving it to them?`

I do that too. It's my savings plan. I can't do it any differently or I'll just spend the money. Every February I buy myself a treat. This year 1/2 is going to the Ireland fund and the rest will be divvied between Cameron's engagement ring (I asked him to marry me) and the wedding fund.

do you have direct deposit? you can have a fixed amount put into a money market account or something like that. even if you don't, just pay yourself $200 each month. it will be easy if you boost your allowances you'll have $200 extra. whenever you get your paycheck, write a check to your money market or mutual fund account as the first thing you do. instead of loaning this money (for free) to the government for the year, you'd be loaning it to a bank and making money off it. By the time you get your refund check your $2300 would probably be $2500. Easy. off my financial soapbox. what kind of press are you going to get? my aunt is a fine art printer in SF. she has a mohawk letter press. the thing is awesome. handpress. giant cast iron machine that smells of ink and grease.

Yeah, what kind of press are you getting? (My employer just gave me the old Chandler and Price from work, along with a buttload of furniture and type. *joy*) I'm going to Ireland in the Spring. I can't really afford it, though. I should probably stay in the States and do something productive that makes me a little cash. Oh well. I already bought the tickets.

nate, will you email me more about this? i'm a financial idiot.

it's better to owe the government money than to have them owe you money. otherwise they're hanging on to your money that you could be investing and making bank for you. get a tax id, a fake business thing. keep all your receipts and keep careful files. deduct everything as expense. it's all about administering to the IRS the unconsentual anal sex that they deserve.

Amen to that. The fucking IRS takes three months to tell you if you are a normal employee or a self-employed person. My fucking "program" refuses to tell us anything about how we're suppoed to file. I'm afraid taxes are going to wipe out my entire savings. I can't even think about money market fund until this shit blows over. I don't mind paying my taxes, I am glad to do it, but why the govt has to make everything so damn confusing, i know not. The idea of a flat tax becomes more appealling, although anything that benefits the rich is anathema.

agatha. find another reason to come to portland. I would definitely meet up with you. as long as you don't actually slap me.

Both of you could go slap the tv guy. A branding iron marked "eat hot fuck" should be made available for situations like this.

Cyst, I've always thought of you as someone who has the ability to say very clever and scathing things at just the right moment. Why don't you lay something particularly painful on the guy next time you see him? (Though I hope you don't see him again soon. He's not the guy who wrote up your meeting in the bar and sent it to you, is he? How do you put up with such people?) Or else shove your fist down his throat. Something!

the guy who wrote up our meeting in the bar and sent it to me? which guy was that? please remind me. I've been trying to be good. the new year. monday night with bakery boy was a major lapse. saturday night I didn't let guys at the party hit on me much. one of them told me he had to talk to me because "I don't know what it is, I just find you very erotic-looking." maybe he meant to say "exotic," which would have been slightly less leading. another one told me that he had told his friend he had to stay away because he saw me first. another one just looked at me and smiled and said, "uh-oh." that was pretty fucking funny. but I had the most fun sitting with this geeky, innocuous amazon book reviewer and telling him some of the words I shared with you guys. he especially liked "longanamity." his email name is "blight." which is even better than "cyst." but I didn't do anything with anyone. last night another very nice guy at a bar started talking to me. he was scribbling on what looked like a business letter. I asked him what he was doing. he was proofreading a cover letter. I asked him if he was a good proofreader. he said no, are you? I said yes. so I proofread his letter and caught a bunch of errors for him. I wasn't at all coy. I said I had to go get a table for my friends and I wished him good luck. tonight a friend called me and said if I sent him some new self-portraits he'd "make it worth [my] while." "you know you want to," he said. no, I don't know I want to. I told him what I wanted to do was go to zihuatanejo for my birthday. I even checked on fares today. but then I realized it was on good fucking friday. right in the middle of semana santa, latin american party week. "then go to west africa and buy some art for me," he said. "I'll pay you." "I don't know. can we talk about this tomorrow or something?" do I really want to go to africa by myself? should I be afraid? how much should one charge for taking up that sort of dare? what about for a slutty photo session? it's my one-year anniversary on sorabji.com. I remember my first post. it was about how I'd rather gnaw my own foot off than be caught in the office trap. maybe I will go to africa. What are you wearing?: the same pants I wore a year ago this month By Cyst on Wednesday, January 27, 1999 - 08:16 pm: http://bbs.sorabji.com/messages/64/2269.html?ThursdayJune1719991153am

If someone offered to pay me to go to Africa, I'd give him a photo session for free. Sierra Leone and Liberia are a bit dodgy still, but not impossible. Don't know if you'd want to be there alone. But the rest of West Africa? Sure. Grab it and make him pay. But then you already knew what my advice would be.

Damn, Cyst. You know, you need to wean yourself away from the sending you on trips guy. Maybe after a quick trip to...I know, make your last hoorah Madagascar. Or Micronesia. Just, you know, one last trip but then DON'T LET HIM NEAR YOU BECAUSE he's creeping me a bit, by proxy. And NO MORE COOL CLOTHES FROM HIM. What else? Oh. Bakery boy. These are the wages of the late bloomer...the ugly duckling/swan syndrome. That painful, random, overwhelming and wholly inappropriate vulnerability. But you know, you really should have said on first sighting him (and my hindsight in these issues is thoroughly reliable, as opposed to the reactions I actually have in 4 the same plane in 4 dimensions) is "Oh my god! You cut your hair! And you STILL look generic. I guess I don't have any use for you now," and then you should have spun on your heel and split. Some boy did that to my ex-friend Chelsea once. She cut her hair, and he said "wow, now you're TOTALLY useless."

don't get me started on the marriage penalty tax!!! unfortunately, my father in law is a CPA, so he does our taxes, and well, he is too honest or nice i suppose. Hopefully the fact that my 401k is up and running this year, as well as my wife's and our personal mutual funds, will ease some burden, but every year it seems we get screwed more and more, we have the max taken from our checks, I don't like tossing $1500-$2000 out the window all at once come April, i don't care about the gov't makin interest off of it, i just want to get a check back or at least pay the minimum......

cyst, i'm sympathetic to your situations, but i have no advice to offer. there is no entry point, and your situations are such that i can only be an observer. an empathic observer. i nod to myself. yes. i know what that's about, but i can't find the words to define it. i wanted to ask your permission to use this exchange as a jumping off point for a story i've been working on: "he put on some music. he couldn't just stay still next to me on the couch. well, eventually he did. he looked at me. a lot. and then he touched my boots, my leg. but he is good. he has a girlfriend. so suddenly he got up, held out his hand for me to take, and said, "I'm going to watch tv now." in any case, don't forget to ask yourself what you want and if these cheesy, shallow bastards are they way to get there. happy anniversary.

as long as I get to read it when you're done.

you'll not only read it, you'll get credit. but it might be a while before it's done.

Sem: I'm no accountant/but I know at least some of the rules for being self-employed. There are are as follows (& Uncle Sam is pretty strict abt them): - You must choose whom to work for. - You must set yr own pay scale. - You must have autonomy over yr hours -- i.e. you decide when you get to work & when you leave. - Your health insurance (if any) must be self-funded. Yr employer cannot have you on any of their company medical plans. There are lots of ratbastard employers who try to claim that you're 'contract help' so they don't have to pay yr soc.sec. This is highly illegal. From the little bit I've heard from you abt yr job/there's no way you qualify as an independent contractor/consultant.etc. You are an ordinary employee & yr boss shd be paying ss taxes & workman's comp on the $$ you earn there. Do you have Adobe Acrobat Reader? If not/you can download it for free here: http://www.adobe.com/products/acrobat/readstep.html And here's where you can get the IRS info on precisely yr situation: http://www.irs.ustreas.gov/cgi/websys_fmanage -------------------------------------------------- Cyst: If you've got the chance to go to Africa on someone else's dime/& buy art/& you say no/I will hunt you down & box you briskly about the ears! Just GO! It's Africa! Everybody shd visit at least 1 African country in their life. Get him to send you to Ghana -- you can pick up a Gye Name stool for me. Charge him $3000 + expenses. Carry a couple of hundred US on you (but not in yr purse) for bribes. And make sure he books you a 1st class airfare. But for God's sakes -- Go! Or dammit/give him my email address & tell him I'll go in yr place!

maybe you should come with me, r.c. I left a message for him at work today with my husky-sick voice. "there's a sweater I really, really want." the sweater will be for just considering his offers. (it's a REALLY NICE sweater.) I've actually been to africa. last summer I visited morocco. I have to be careful. I have to be careful that I do things because I want to do them and not so I can walk around feeling like I'm ingrid bergman or kristin scott thomas, with my humphrey bogart or ralph fiennes waiting to offer to get me the correct price at the market. fuck. round-trip portland-dakar would be some nice frequent flyer mileage.

except nw/klm doesn't go there. it would cost $2,500. which is how much he paid to fly in a date from the east coast on new year's eve. plus he gave her an imac. you guys are a BAD INFLUENCE.

Cyst -- haven't I taught you ANYTHING?! You are a goddess. Goddesses cannot go abt prostituting themselves for a sweater. Not even a mink-trimmed cashmere sweater. It simply won't do! If you like the sweater/buy it for yrself. If you can't afford it/okay. But you don't like this guy/you just like his gifts -- correct? Then keep it Strictly Business. Tell him you'll go to Africa for him/have him book yr tkt. & hand it over along w/yr 3 grand. Then buy yrself the sweater before you go. Otherwise/if you wanna play the gold digger-cock tease/have the balls to do it RIGHT! Tell him you want a Bulgari necklace. Or diamond earrings. Or a Cartier watch. (I bought someone an Atlas watch once. Sliver/not gold -- but still. I wd love to have one for my ownself now!) Or a sable coat. (Okay/sable's a bit much. Mink will do. But just how rich is he?) You said before you wished you'd bought a fur while you were in Europe. Let him buy you one. Or some good art. Get stuff that has resale value. Things you can enjoy now for their beauty & sell later for some quick cash if you ever need it. Basic clothing just don't cut it/if you're just abt making him pay for the privilege of being in yr company. And if you don't wanna let him keep you outright/then at least make him buy you meaningful things. But why wd you object to being kept? You've got all the qualifications. You're stunning. You're smart. You adore drama & being the center of a man's attentions. And you're prolly the most gorgeous thing in Seattle/which is definitely a seller's market. If Henry Miller were alive & living in Seattle right now/he'd be writing abt you/instead of June. And Anais Nin wd be all panting after you. You're an It Girl. So use It! Moral quandries aside/isn't it better for you to be the mistress of some rich jerk you don't care abt for a while/than wasting yrself on useless (& cruel) men like the bakery boy? Mistresses can opt out whenever they chose. If Mr. Right shows up/then you're outta there. You've already got yr education/so it's not like you're some 18-yr-old twit who's passing up college to be kept by some rich guy. You already know how to take care of yrself. But you're not doing a very good job of it as present. You're always mooning over some guy on the boards. You haven't sounded happy -- or even content -- in a long time, Cyst. If you've got nobody you love who loves you back & is WORTHY of yr love/then why not let Mr. Gotbucks move you into a nice crib/get you a car/pay yr bills/? Travel on his dime/buy his art/be his armpiece/until something better turns up. And for girls like you/something always does. But don't settle for sweaters when you can have sable. That's just dumb.

but look at the sweater. http://msnhomepages.talkcity.com/DownsizeDr/hallter/sweater.html Pure spun silk with a lustrous shine. Ribbed stitch makes for a more body-conscious fit. High-twist yarn creates a dry, crepe-like texture. I know it's unimaginative, but I'm getting it in black.

Hhmm, the link wouldn't let me go there, apparently my browser is not up to date enough. Fucking IRS. However, I only fit one of teh qualifications for being self-employed and that's having to provide my own health insurance. I have gotten a little more info on how to file, so I am thinking about going ahead and just doing it, and blaming everything on the Program if the IRS gets mad.

Not to change the subject or anything... :) You know what I'm doing right now? Dude, my most faithful friend L. was supposed to come and visit me at 4 today. Then she sends me an email saying she's coming at 5:30. Then she calls me at 5 to tell me she'll be here at 6:30. And now it's 6:50 and she still isn't here! She's so freaking irresponsible it drives me crazy. Not a shred of common sense either. She tries to say I don't have any common sense either, which makes me grind my teeth. I at least am on time for things. We were supposed to go out for dinner, and now I'm really hungry. She'd better get here soon.

She just called. She's downstairs. Notice I'm not running to meet her. That's not nice. In fact, it's passive-aggressive. Ah, well.

Poke your fingers in the rolls before she has a chance to eat one. nah, have a nice dinner. But imagine that you poked your finger in all the rolls, though.

We had a nice dinner. We had a nice conversation afterwards. She left about 15 min. ago. Now I feel bad for bad-mouthing her. She's a very nice person.

Well, good. I personaly had a good time wathing my favorite Space Ghost Coast to Coast episode. (the one with steven wright and the blob -except the ending was different. that's what I love about the show. If there's a rerun, they change it slightly so there's always something new.

That has to be the coolest waste of 15 minute intervals on Cartoon Network. And their wacky commercials. I really love Cartoon Planet cause Brak is on there, but I never see it anymore :( I just resolve to watching kids in the hall instead. But I think I liked the one with Conan o'brian, and Birdman... yeah... yeah definately with Birdman.

I like Bitterman. Bitterman has nothing to do with Space Ghost. Has anyone ever heard of Bitterman before?

Well, I went and photographed as i said. It went ok, goofed a few times, had to make some on the spot corrections, but i think it went ok. Afterwards we sat and listened to 60's Italian soundtracks.....she is a member of the SAG (Screen Acters Guild)nominating committee and well she gets into movies for free. So we went and saw Cider House Rules. However the real fun came after i dropped her off and I went home. I got a message from the wifey in NYC. She met with some big shot at DKNY, and.....GOT A JOB OFFER!!!!!! so we may be moving to NYC, but I don't want to speak too much too soon........nonetheless, i was so excited and my mind raced with thoughts, i couldn't sleep....

congratulations patrick!

Yeah, that's cool. Ever been to NYC, Patrick?

well thanks heather, but again, i spoke too soon. I spoke with her just now, and she said Johnny Idol, pres of DKNY needed someone in three weeks and who speaks fluent Japanese. she is neither fluent nor could she be in 3 weeks, when i heard how much he offered, (6 digits) i felt the impulse to jump out of my office window. Not to mention i found out how much we will owe in taxes. fucking-A!!!!

yeah. the wifey travels there a lot. I love it there.

You won't be in Kansas anymore, Dorothy

she should lie that's what everyone else does

oh my god. is this ever true. i just phone screened a candidate who has C/C++, JAVA, PERL, Solaris, etc on her resume. she didn't know jack shit though. she has a MS degree in computer science, but couldn't tell me what malloc() does, what the difference between stack and heap is, what a process or a thread is, much less the difference between the two. as i said. oh my god. wakarimas?

heather as much as I would liek to get outta here and not have to work (for a while anyway) on that kinda of salary, it wouldn't be a good thing. Basically ,she is taking it in stride, taking the fact that someone, someone important in this industry she is in, offered her such an opportunity. It tells her she is valuable, far more valuable than the sexist cocksuckers she works for now realize. She is furiously putting out her resume, so good things will come i believe.

last night i watched American Pimp again. Im convinced more than ever thats one of the best documentary films i've ever seen. Its shot like cinema, but presented like a documentary. i also came across some softcore on Showtime after that.

I watched Joe Millionaire and have now figured out the ending of the show, not which of the two he chooses, but the media has let enough leak to know that poor little Joe ends up alone. hehehehehehe. In an interview with Sarah, she talks about how she isn't dating right now, and doesn't really want to date at the moment (so they don't live happily ever after) and Zora did an article speaking out about how horrible the lie was with one of the other girls (so she doesn't live happily ever after with him either) and those two are the only two left. I also chatted with a friend of mine in Missouri for a while. What an exciting life I lead.

I made an excellent steak (NY strip) last night, with lots and lots of mushrooms. It was divine. Tonight I'm going to the mall to buy new sneakers.

Last night I went to my Nana's old house. Mum sold it, so I said goodbye to empty rooms. The Pandyr and I got chinese for dinner. Then I made moro muffins, and we pigged out and watched the PJ's, Southpark and Sex in the City. I have four days off starting tomorrow. Yahoo

Tonight I am making Jambalaya and corn bread. We will watch American Idol and vote!!! I'm such a reject, I know. I look at what I write and laugh. I am entertained by the silliest things. I also intend to drink wine, so maybe I will be even stupider later tonight.

last night i poured a big glass of vodka down my throat all at once as part of a science experiment to see what would happen. it made me drink a beer (a no-no!), more vodka, smoke hash and drink some bourbon. i sauted some asparagus and scallops in butter and garlic while completely trashed. it might have been good, i don't know. it's gone now.

I took pictures of a cute pussy

Last night, I bought a pair of sneakers and a pair of really cute navy blue shoes. (I'm wearing them now.) Then I bought 3 shirts -- one red, one navy, and one that's sort of a dark sky blue. Total shopping time = 15 minutes. Total amount spent = $200. Ay dios mio.

last night we went downtown to staples center to pick up our free stones tix. it was a really orderly, guarded proceedure. they insisted on putting on the wristbands then and there, as some sort of methodical way of ensuring that we, the winners will be the attendees. so i have to wear this thing that says "Turn Up The Heat on Global Warming" until tomorrow night. We then went to Mexico City for some grub. Ate too much, as usual. We came home. I sipped a little whisky on the rocks and watched Kids in the Hall reruns.

what kind of whisky you drinking, patty? last night i ordered a new audio interface. my layla took a shit. i've come down with a cold.

actually it was the is new "boutique" whisky i bought from TJ's that i had never tried and ive been quite impressed. with. this stuff its great on the rocks with a splash of water. they were out of makers, which is hands down my favorite.

Last nite I ordered a new Printer, a cheap lexmark colour inkjet, (the Z25, i think). I then celebrated me new purchase with a couple of rye and gingers, which haveing completed, made me sleepy, so i capped the fun filled evening off with a trip to bed! I love it when my days begin and end in my favorite place!

Some days, the thought of going to bed that night is the only thing that keeps me going.

makers is good. though ice and water- that's two mixers man. chick drink.

Last night I had training which went on forever, and then came home and polished off the pizza I made. Spinach, sundried tomatoes, artichoke hearts, roasted red bellpepper, and mushrooms. Yum. The weather outside is sunny and bright.

im not big on liquor straight up and for the first 10 minutes that what it is until the ice melts.

Last night. (sorry I haven't posted for awhile, I've been lurking and the computer was in a coma for a couple weeks and it's just been revived) Rode the bus downtown; one warm hand, wanting the next week and a half to go by so fast, like waiting for Chistmas when you're eight years old. My new (fill-in-the-blank; Iguesshe'smyboyfriendorsomething) lives in Seattle and won't be down to Portland again until the 14th. We get off the bus and walk the last eight blocks to the station where he's handed his ticket and we kiss goodbye before he boards the train north. My life feels like it's been lived before right now and I hate that aspect of it. In general it's been good these last few days, if busy, and this time I'm actually patient enough to do something so simple as walk with a person and hold their hand.

i want to move in with nate and heather.

last night i had a dream we moved to hawaii and upon moving into our house, our seaside house, we realized how fucking scary it was because the tides were volatile and our glass encased house was literally, slammed & rocked with waves.

last night someone presented one of the housemates with a downloaded version of Lord of the Rings 2, burned onto 4 cdrs. Everyone watched it but me, i just caught parts of it, then got the boy to fill in the blanks during dinner. "show me the elves" "who's that chick?" "show when the wizard comes back" "is that guy sick or something?" So i saw all i wanted, anyway. I gotta say, it's not at all as head-pounding, suicide-begging boring as the first one! But that battle scene....i fucking HATE battle scenes. Long, boring, cheesy battle scenes. Me hatey. The ghost swamp was creepy as hell. Wormtongue is the man! He looks like some sickly rock star. I hope he never dies. I care not for any other character. He makes me giggle like a little girl. He is mad sexaay. The version he got is the one that was sent to the Oscar people for review, so during really dramatic cheesy parts it says "For Your Consideration" on the bottom of the screen. Weird.

When we lived in Cali some friends of ours got the same kind of film of Titanic. It was kinda odd the way it would have those comments on the bottom of the screen. This one also had commentaries in certain places letting you know what they were trying to accomplish with this part of the scene. It was insane. It made the movie even more boring. I hate battle scenes as well. I did like the movie overall, though.

Daddy got a new toy!

uhhh. . . nice legs?

Maybe she shaved for him for Valentine's?

let's see some tits and ass!

OMG! My legs and that picture look absolutely horrible. Shaved for Valentine's Day....hah....I am afraid that my legs are always smooth. A quirk I have. ANYWAYS.....Next!

"let's see some tits and ass!" that is not up to me

Last night i saw the Stones. It was the first free concert the Stones have done since Altamont in 69 where some dude got stabbed and the Hells Angels reaked havoc on a crowd tripping on bad acid (great flic btw, Gimme Shelter). No one died last night. The Stones we're introduced by Bill Clinton. Say what you will (no politcs please trace), the man is impressive, still. He rattled off some info about the environment and was largely welcomed by an ovation. He was met by some boos in the upper decks, but thats par for the course. The upper deck always houses an iconoclastic breed. We got to sit in the "accessable seating"...(i.e. the handicapped seating area) about 10 rows off the floor. fucking A man. say what will about the stones being old....they blew me away! Mick still pranced and skipped around the stage like a 22 year old. Keith and Ronnie, lookin haggard as fuck, and Charlie sitting still as always, all played solid. They may have a few extra wrinkles but who cares, they still rocked. They even played Sympathy for the Devil, which, we had always heard they swore off since Altamont because that was the song they couldnt seem to get through without the Hells Angels beating someone to a bloody pulp near the stage. Maybe they broke the hex last night, considering it was the first free show since. I drank way too much, overpriced arena beer in my excitement and today i feel like a fucking zepplin. the baby went nuts, of course. afterwards, our ears ringing and bodys buzzing, we went and had bacon and eggs. im tired, hungover, but still absolutely excited as a kid in a candy store that ive now seen one of my favorite bands of all time. the end

That sounded great, Patrick. Did they play Gimme Shelter? Last night, I dreamt that I lived with my family in a very rural area. My aunt and I drove down a nearby road at night, and at the point where the road forked in two, there was what looked to be a man lying in the road. As we approached, I could see that it was a card-board cutout, and as my aunt slowed the car down, I knew it was a trap. My aunt stopped the car and got out, and I yelled at her to get back in the car. A man opened my car door and pulled me out, grabbing me tightly by the left forearm. He was short and calm. He looked around a lot, and I could tell that though his thoughts were racing about what to do next, he was in complete control of the situation. He terrified me. Another man appeared and grabbed my right wrist. This one was tall and possibly retarded and had sweaty hands. I don't know where my aunt was at this point, but I knew I was in big trouble and no one could help me. I managed to snatch my arms back out of their grip and I took off running down the road, cutting into a corn field. I knew they were right behind me and tried to zig-zag through the corn so I could lose them, but I knew they could hear me crashing through the stalks. I woke up at this point, and I was sweating and my heart was pounding, and it took me about 15 minutes to calm down enough to try to fall asleep again. I haven't been that scared in ages.

Yes! and the back up vocalist, i didnt catch her name....holy shit was she impressive on that solo part! the also played Bitch, Brown Sugar, Satisfaction, Wild Horses, Jumpin Jack Flash as well. I was really hoping they'd play some of their less popular but most amazing songs like Salt of The Earth (seemed an appropriate time to sing it eh?) Dead Flowers and Far Away Eyes. startling dream spider.

im still reeling. i cant remember the last time i was this thrilled about seeing live music.

i had sex last night. mediocre, latex-numbing sex. but sex nonetheless.

"let's see some tits and ass!" hahahaha. Nate you will have to give me your email address and I will think about it!

daaaaaaaaaaamn

tell us more of this sex, sarah

c'mon wisper, you know what sex is.

mediocre sex? was it only because it was the first time, or do you think it's the norm for this character? patrick, i saw the rolling stones play in a club that i worked at in new haven, ct. it was supposed to be a "surprise", but of course it was strategically leaked to the press and about a bazillion people were standing in front of the club with desperate expressions on their faces. i was working, so i got to go. jerry hall flagged me down and asked me for some tea with honey and lemon, which i could not provide for her being as how it was a bar and all. silly woman. anyhow, the point of this story is that you are absolutely right, they ROCK live. it was one of the best shows i've ever seen. what is that blurry picture of eri in a chair all about? i'm confused.

oh, and i watched tv last night. then, i went to bed. tonight, i'm going to a dance at cleo's school, and i have clean up duty at the end. kill me now.

i saw the stones in honolulu with my dad a few years ago. it must have been quite a few years ago now that i think about it, because i was fat at the time. the show rocked, although the keith richards solo bit was dull and lame. they played at aloha stadium, which holds roughly 8 billion people. we didn't pay a whole hell of a lot for tickets, but our seats were kinda far out. great show though. did anyone see the movie Kissing Jessica Stein? where they talk about mick jagger being "ugly sexy".

oh right, the sex. um, well, i don't know if there's anything to tell. we ate korean food and sushi and drank cold sake. we came back to my house and laid on my bed and watched "Pumpkin", after which he promptly began the process of what turned into mediocre sex. i'm going to guess that it was mediocre because it was our first time and he was really nervous. also, honestly i've never had great sex when a man is wearing a condom. for the record, it certainly was NOT because he was, uh, inadequately endowed. afterward i told him he was welcome to stay the night if he wanted to, but that he shouldn't feel like he HAD to stay over if he wanted to go home (he only lives a 5 minute drive from my house). i kinda wanted him to go home so i could get a good night's rest. but he said he wanted to stay, so he did. and as it turns out, i just put my ear plugs in, rolled over on my stomach, and was instantly fast asleep. slept like a baby all night. there was no snuggling in the morning. when he hugged me before he left, it was a bit awkward. his body was stiff and trembling slightly. my sister, who regularly braggs about how amazing her sex life is with her husband, wrote to me today and said, "would you feel better if i told you that i had mediocre 1st (and second and third) time sex with doug as well? we kinda joke about it now... and then suddenly it was fan-fucking-tastic and remains there! well, enjoy yourself and have fun... no pressure! i'm sure he will loosen up in bed, and you will enjoy that big one even more." eh, whatever. we're going to the big birthday party for him and his friends tomorrow afternoon. it'll be fine. as long as he doesn't start wanting to have Relationship Talks and things remain undramatic, i really don't care about the rest. and to that end, it just occurred to me, i wasn't even concerned about my body - the skin and the tattoo. if it bothers him, or if mediocre sex bothers him... *shrug*. whatever.

We ate Thai food and saw "Adaptation." Tonight we are going out to dinner (at a dressy-casual" place - I'm sure they came up with that designation just to annoy and confuse me). Then I don't know what is happening - Kazoo has it all planned out.

We went truck shopping, went out to dinner, took the kids shopping for new clothes and now we are watching a hokey movie that looked to be much better than it is, but then you watch it and think it is hokey and it becomes intense. Ugh.

last night i made dinner, watched hockey, smoked some grass. tried the vodka fresh orange bit. no dice. i watcvhed the movie Fast Sofa starring Gary Buesy 's (sp) identical son (fun, see it). tonight, due to my efforts at staining two pieces of furniture and washing one of two cars today, im being taken out to the italian joint on the corner of our block and possibly some kinky stuff with a pregnant woman. this may be my only chance. sorry, sarah was bold enough. sarah you could flesh out that post into a really good and uncomfortable short story.

i thought Adaptation sucked so bad. last night i took tim for his birthday to see 8 Mile, which was pretty good, except you'd have to be from detroit to get most of the references, and WJLB scene was totally superfulous and gratuitous - had nothing at all to do with the plot. it was obviously just an excuse to get WJLB into the movie, which granted, it is a remarkable radio station in that it has retained its very unique platform without selling out or becoming homogonized. the best movie i've seen in the last 12 months was 25th Hour. after the movie we went back to my house, he opened his presents, we chatted for a while, and then i sent him home. gratefully i was asleep by 10:45 p.m.

last night, we went to our first lamaz class. nico was a skeptical about them to begin with, but what they hey. the midwife said it could be useful. and for the most part it was. im mainly looking to learn the red flag, that will tell me to start the car and make a B line for hospital. i did. apparently its called the "Bloody Show". Please. Let me go ahead and pass the fuck out now. You know the cocksucker who deemed such a name for such a process is a sadistic motherfucker. The problem with the class is, Milkdud doesnt like the florescent lights. She kicked like mad, compounding the wife's skeptism. Apparently she doesnt like the instructors voice either. Finally, at the end we tried some "relaxation techniques". What a bunch of shit. It just made nico feel nauseated. The "music" she put on, was on a tape that had some serious interference in it, so it sounded like psuedo-Asian chimes with a rake on cement sound to it. I nearly started a pillow fight in protest. Then i came home and watched a Woody Allen flic.

I got the third book in the "Song of Ice and Fire" series in the mail yesterday. 900+ pages of snowy goodness. So I read a little, ate dinner, went grocery shopping, read, straightened up the kitchen a bit, read, fell asleep, and read during breakfast this morning. I have a doctor's appt today and I brought the book to read in his office. I may even get there early to give myself more time to read. :) I am so excited -- my favorite character was in the periphery for the first two books, but I've read spoilers saying he's a much bigger player in this book, and I can't wait until I get to his parts.

Patrick,no matter what you think of the classes,pay attention to the breathing exercises,they really help during hard labor.

i say go for the epidural.

i am j. its not a matter of what i think. i was the one with the positive outlook. it was nico who was the skeptic. she was nauseated the whole time we were doing the 1st breathing lesson, which was essentially..... are you ready..... take a slow deep breath. and exhale slowly. end of lesson. brilliant. maybe its just me, but breathing techniques" are pretty god damn instinctive. we'll see how it goes, we have three more classes. she doesnt want to numb the lower part of her body sarah. she's not opposed to the pain, just wanting to minimize it i think with demoral. thats her plan, i think. she may even go into it and go as long as she can without pain meds.....*knowing* you can say the word and get a shot of demoral at any time is a powerful painkiller in itself.

Can you? I thought they didn't give drugs to the mother after a certain point in the labor. What do I know, though?

Ok, during hard labor you tend to focus on the pain itself. That makes the pain worse. The breathing excersizes take the focus off of the pain and onto the breathing or the clock you are looking at to time the contraction. It really is a big help. They don't give epidurals after a certain point but a shot of demerol is allright, because it takes effect within seconds through the IV. As far as the "bloody show" also known as the mucous plug, it is nothing major and sometimes you miss it all together. I didn't even feel it. Nothing. I was still in labor with Micki for 3 days after that (though they did try to stop my labor for the first two). I would go by the contractions. When they start getting strong enough that she actually feels them, time them. If they are regular, go to the hospital, if they aren't call your doctor or something. If you even notice the mucous plug that is just a sign that labor is coming. First pregnancies tend to have much longer labors then future ones. That is just my unwanted advice!

the reason they dont give you an epidural after a certain time is bullshit. hospitals dont do this, because if you are say, 7 centimeters dialated and nearly ready to push (at 10), request an epidural....by the time they get it set up, call the anesthesiologist, you are well into the pushing part and its, in the hospitals mind, moot at that point, you are well into it, if you've made it that far, you can continue. she said the is no medical reason to not give you an epidural at any point during your labor. the RN lastnight advised this was bullshit and that moms can get whatever they want, when they want, its their pain. i realize the point of the breating exercises, to distract you, but as nico pointed out, a deliberate exercise meant to distract from you from something almost makes her focus right back on that something by asking herself "am I distracted yet? am i distracted yet?" see the lady last night advised, even if the contractions are regular, say at 10-15 minutes, this is no reason to go to the hospital just yet. doctors dont like sending mothers home and at times they may do so. So the RN last night was trying to help us identify when we need to go. When the contractions get to the point where its hard to maintain a conversation, and they are within 10 minutes apart, or the water has broke or the "bloody show" its time go. otherwise she suggested to stay at home, take a hot shower, watch a movie, distract yourself, because you could be in that portion of labor 12-36 hours, no reason to be in a hospital bed just yet. you are more comfortable at home.

That sounds about right. They had me go to the hospital when my contractions were 30 min apart, but I was only 28 weeks. Big difference there. When doing the breathing excercises you don't have time to think (am I distracted yet) cuz you either are focusing on it or you aren't. There isn't a break in between to have those thoughts. At least there wasn't for me. I think you guys have a really good plan going, though. I am sure everything will be fine. I just hope she isn't in labor an exorbitant amount of time. God, I can't believe it is getting this close already. It doesn't seem like it has been long enough.

if family history is any indicator, she'll be done in about 4-6 hours. though, watching the films lat night....i kept wishing there was a way to teleport the weiner out. im going to have a tough time watching her go through this.

epidurals suck. don't let her get one. really.

epidurals might suck during labor, i wouldn't know. but i had one for 4 days after The Gnarly Tummy Surgery two (two?!?!) years ago and it certainly didn't suck then. aside from making me almost deathly constipated, i was feeling no pain. a miracle, considering i had been split from hip bone to hip bone and pubic bone to sternum. i have a really high pain tolerance, but even so, but it seems that no pain would be preferable to lots of pain.

oh, and last night i worked out, went rollerskating, ate sauerkraut from a 16 oz can, read a chapter from Fury, and went to bed.

last night i went to houston's for prime rib. got back to my hotel room and spent a few hours doing the take home final for my law class. read some. tried to sleep. slept through 45 minutes of my alarm.

"epidurals suck" care to elaborate agatha? last night i got my haircut by hipsters at this place called Rudy's where they give you shag, regardless of what you request. They should call it shags. every fucktard there has a shag in one form or another. ask for a buzzcut? get a shag. a perm? get a shag. im really developing violent inclinations towards hipsters. then i went home, made dinner, and watched the movie, The Man Who Cried, which was pretty ok. C.Ricci was quite nice in it. She's a nice girl. She needs to eat, but a nice girl.

What class are you taking, Natester?

the legal environment of business.

is it fun?

Tonight I'm going to Ruth's Chris Steak House. What kind of name is Ruth's Chris? Is that like Dave's Thomas' Wendy's Hamburger's?'s

reruns again?

A man named Chris had a successful steakhouse in New Orleans. It was called "Chris Steak House." He sold it to a woman named Ruth. He granted her the rights to the restaurant's established name as long as she kept the original location. When a fire forced her to move in 1976, she attached her name to his. Then she franchised. Ruth died last year. She once said "I've always hated the name."

Oh yeah, last night. Last night I found out why the steakhouse has the name. I also found out that "your ass is your most important organ."

and i just had a patrick moment.

what the hell does that mean? last night, actually my evening was started early. at 2:30, i got a call from the wife "(in pathetic tone) patrick honey, i have an emergency....." before she could finish the last syllable of emergency i had the car started. of course it was no such matter. she was in the kmart lot, keys locked in car, car running, in the rain. saved her. dropped off her Rothko prints to be matted and framed. (fuck framing is expensive. i need to get back to doing it myself.) pleaded with them to finish them by tonight, as its her b-day. did laundry. started reading an Updike novel. drank some 7-11 coffee. came home. watched some hockey. watched Traffic again and had the idea the Benecio del Tores is indeed a bad ass actor.

I watched several episodes of Seinfeld and read a really bad book for class tonight. I had a cup of hot chocolate and a bowl of Life® for dinner because I wasn't feeling that well. Something really cool happened after I went to bed. I had trouble sleeping which isn't cool at all, but instead of doing what I usually do I started reading a novel. A NOVEL. (Ada, or Adore: A Family Chronicle by Nabokov). One that I don't have to read. One that I will never encounter in any graduate class here. One that I don't have think in any particular way about, unless I want to. And the best part is that I am looking forward to reading more of it tonight. I haven't had this feeling in so long. And I thought my love of reading was gone forever.

Hurrah for love of reading. I spent most of last night reading Does Khaki Become You?, which was...interesting. I didn't have any dinner at all because I still feel sick. And it started raining again.

Kazoo, you must tell me how you like "Ada, or Ardor" -- I've been curious about that one for a while. Reading for college completely wrecked my attention span....it took me at least a year after graduation to be able to read for longer than 20 minutes at a time. I still have to remind myself not to skim. I think I overexerted myself during my last aerobics class on Tuesday. I was terribly sore last night, so I basically ate, read more of my gargantuan book (I'm on p. 698! Whoo!), and went to bed. I may skip the class tonight and just stay home and do yoga.

I love Russian literature. And I will let you know what I think, though it may take a while since I have so much other reading to do. Don't get me wrong, I love what I do here and the fact that my job is essentially to read things and write and talk about them...wow. But I was reading you post about the books you were reading and watching everyone get all excited, I got a little distressed about the fact that I don't do that anymore. BUT now, I'm excited...giddy even...woo-hoo! Let's see how long this lasts.

everything right now makes me feel like a dick those are my exact words.

I'm really looking forward to the new Harry Potter. So shoot me. Now I'm reading "The Age of Sex Crime," and it's all about serial killers. She uses lots of big words, too, like "anthropophagy." I'm not entirely sure about where she's going with this, though.

I'm looking forward to the new Harry Potter, too. I am reading Fellowship of the Rings right now. I am on book two of it, but it isn't an easy read. I am fighting giving up on the whole thing.

I am hanging out for Potter.

hey moonie, what time is it over there?

i'm waiting for the TV show adaptation, Welcome Back Potter.

Its 10.36am Friday morning. Valentines day. About six women in this office have already recieved flowers.

thank you. i had to return a call to one of our dist. over there and i was too lazy to look it up.

Well i'm glad i could be of service.

say it with flowers

I'm reading 'the True Believer: Thoughts on the Nature of Mass Movements' by Eric Hoffer. It's scary good, and even though it was written in the 50's, still timeless observations about large groups of people, and how they tend to act. These things apply to everything from people eating in a McDonalds to a world religion. It's got me thinking for hours on end. And the guy was just a blue collar worker who never really went to school for this. Of course working for a railroad would teach you more about people than any sociology class, i imagine.

I'm reading "Breeder: Real Life Stories from the New Generation of Mothers". Because I am one. A breeder, that is. Heh. Welcome Back Potter. Heather, my life is penis-like, right now, too. This too shall pass.

Despite the restaurant's dumb name, the dinner was fucking awesome. Onion soup, filet medium rare, broiled tomatoes, asparagus, Chilean Cabernet, and white chocolate banana cake. Holy fucking moley.

chilean cabernet and chilean syrah. yes yes yes. (i make a mean white chocolate banana cake - a holiday specialty :)

I knew it! As soon as I saw that I thought, "damn, that sounds like something Sarah would make." I've been sick the past few days so I am going to make your molasses cookies this weekend. Last night I came home from class, talked to Sem on the phone and went to bed. I was too tired to read, but I am not becoming any less excited about the book. I dreamt that I was pregnant, or at least that's what the little stick said. It wasn't like other dreams where I am actually having the baby.

Do you dream about going into labor? I'm thinking of treating myself tonight to some chocolate or other sweets, resultant tremendous insulin spike be damned. I had thought of making that white chocolate apricot cake, but I would have to make a whole (big juicy delicious) cake and eat only 1-2 pieces, and that's not good. Maybe I'll just make the frosting and eat it out of the bowl. :) I have contemplated which kind of chocolate would be the most satisfying and worth the miserable feeling afterwards, and I've decided it would be a Cadbury fruit-and-nut milk chocolate bar.

Yes...labor. Somewhere on here I posted some of the dreams I've had about childbirth. Usually it involves midwives placing me in strange contraptions or holding me upside down by my right ankle. Right after I started seeing sem, I had a dream where, instead of yelling for my midwife, I was yelling for drugs, lots and lots of drugs.

last night we went to an overpriced, somewhat touristy, yet fascinating restaurant called Yamashiro. It has one of the greatest views in Hollywood and neat history. I had a vodka cocktail, some house special. we shared a half bottle of chardonnay.she had mango lobster salad served in a martini glass. i had chinese chicken salad that was really hot shit, with green apples and cucumbers. i had beef medallions in a citrus sauce with garlic mash and mixed veg. nico had pan seared salmon. we shared some green tea ice cream for desert. i crashed really really hard. we have received a vaporizer for the baby, which we've already put to use and we are both konking out notable intensity these days.

nico was drinking wine? wow.

last night i went to sushi with tim and a bunch of his friends. i ordered miso soup and seaweed salad. everyone ragged on me all night for "not eating anything". there also was an awkward moment when they asked what tim and i were doing for valentine's day, and he said, she's going out with a friend. they all sort of stared for a moment, as if they couldn't believe we didn't have some wonderful, romantic plans. ridiculous i tell you. i adore his friends though. they remind me of my friends back home, and have totally taken me into their circle. i was home and in bed (alone, gratefully) by 10:30 p.m. tonight i'm going to see my friend perform in a burlesque show!

wine is ok every once in a while for pregnant women. most doctors will agree its even a good thing. moreover, its least of a concern in the last trimester. beer is a good thing to drink when breastfeeding too, we hear. it helps in some way shape or form. americans can be so puritanical when it comes to these types of matters. we've demonized so much.

admittedly i know nothing about it. i've just heard and read in the past that drinking, smoking, and drugs are a really bad idea for pregnant and lactating women. i may be uninformed though.

we'd never have made it this far if everything they said that was bad for us, was really as bad as they say. slugging jack every other day, smoking a half a pack of stogies, and your meth problem, yes, indeed a problem for pregnant and nursing women. its all about moderation. everything, from diet to drink, its all about moderation.

me no understand this "moderation" you speak of.

americans tend to have this attitude that its all or nothing. diet. your trials and errors with diet, for example, have given me the idea that what works in the end is, not a fat-free diet, not a calorie-free diet, but something in between. am i right? same with alcohol. unrelated to pregnancy, alcohol, has been shown to be a good thing, preventing heart disease, in moderation. right? we've all heard the news. smoking. the demonization of smoking in the last 10 years. is a bad habit? yes. is it as bad as all the statistics spouted on tv say? not always. antismoking campaign has become a business within itself. all of the books we have on pregnancy have indicated, with the exception of "What to Expect Whene Expecting" (which is a miltant fuck of a book at times, seemingly advocating we just lock nico up in a greenhouse for 9 months), have said alcohol has no real harmful effects if she has a glass, or two a month. All the studies are based on drinking 3 or more times a week. further, studies have shown, that of all alcohols, wine is the best, as opposed to beer and liquor. Its good for the heart. It's good for mom and in the end good for baby. so, yes while its been drilled into our heads that drinking and smoking is bad and evil for pregnant women, its not as bad as they say. Smoking is bad, yes. So is walking down hollywood blvd. so is standing in front of the microwave belly level. so is standing in front of the kitchen sink with all those chemicals underneath, at belly level and so on and so on and so on. even our waiter last night encouraged it, citing is mom as an ob/gyn. what nico has come to resent is judgemental looks and comments she has received. so if i sound defensive, its because at times, people have said similar remarks and despite what professionals have advised, it somehow makes us feel bad. not that you have said anything necessarily wrong, im just explaining myself. at least you admit that you know little to nothing. people have even said, serving her coffee..."are you allowed to have this?" you cant imagine how batty that drives her.

Screaming for lots and lots of drugs has, in the past, been the general reaction women have had after starting to date me. Ba-dum-dum! Thanks, folks, i'm here all week.

sorry if that seemed bitchy sarah, i wasnt aiming to be.

Occasional wine in the pregnancy is good, because it reduces the babies stress level. Beer has been recommended to me by several doctors when lactating. It helps milk production and again, helps relax both mommy and baby. When I started having trouble with Micki they (working in the Neonatal Intensive Care) told me to try drinking one beer a day to help me get more milk. I used to get looks and comments all of the time when I was pregnant, too. I got it a lot from my "mother in law" when we went to dinner one night before we went to the hospital and I had a margarita that was made with wine instead of tequila. She freaked out and they refused to go to the hospital and see Micki because of it. Their loss. They are the ones who were too stupid to see their granddaughter.

Last night was choir practice. Two and a half hours of warm sock vocals, then a long ride home (singing because alone and no headphones). Called B Dancer, he was making pasta and packing for a trip down here for the weekend. I have to work tonight, so I won't see him 'til nearly midnight. We'll probably both be drinking. He'll be smoking, and I will love the scent of smoke in his hair. Moderation? Yes yesyesyes. Very good in all things. The Greeks even assigned a deity to moderation: Apollo, who even believed in moderation in moderation so he had his fun too. I would think smoking and secondhand smoke, while not encouraged, would be more harmful to a newborn than a fetus.

Last night I went to an engagement party. I got drunk on cheap ass wine. Hurst smoked half my ciggies. She talked to me about her issues with bloke. The happy couple were happy coupling, and relatives kept introducing themselves to us and then yelling out our names to other relatives. 'Hi Eulola, how are you doing?' 'i'm fine thanks, who is that your sitting with' 'Oh this is Melanie (argh) she's one of Richard's (grooms) friends (The Pandyr) girlfriend.' ark.

Last night Heather and Yael came over and made me smoke pot and eat biscuts with apple-butter. We had to use Yael's pipe because I broke my beautiful glass bong in half yesterday afternoon. Heather had to leave early to have dinner with her roommates. Yael and I went to her house, smoked more, ordered pizza and watched Fargo with one of her 19 year old roommates.

Were they Flying Biscuits?

iiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiii get it. how was the pizza? is Grant Park Pizza still around...are you familiar with it? It used to be on.....Moreland, I think, right across from Grant Park. *sigh*

they were not flying biscuts. the pizza was good. it was from savage pizza. I've never heard of grant pizza. last night I tried to make polenta with mushroom sauce but I messed up and ate brown rice with spinach and mushroom sauce instead. I stayed in and read. Today I am sick. :(

I was so hungover yesterday. Last night I made taco's and blobbed out, watched American Idol, and slept.

last night i drove from new york back up to vermont. i had so much fun at the peace rally yesterday, met a lot of cool folks from my school, learned so much. the ride back up was a lot of fun. now i gotta play the homework game cause we left right after class on friday, but i'm so glad i went.

Damn. I should have visited you while I was in Vermont. I just made biscuits and am watching Bridget Jone's Diary. Last night I ate dinner with my dad and his girlfriend. It really bothers me that my father is fucking a hot asian chick and I'm not.

platy, it bothers me too. it bothers me too.

today i made an omlette with mushrooms, shallots, garlic, jarlsburg and fontina. and it was great.

Last night I sad on the couch and read, turned down an invitation to eat sushi, watched TV, read some more, and whined about how awful I was feeling to Mr. Sem who couldn't believe that I don't own a thermometer. Damn flubuggers, I am feeling better today.

Last night I talked to my friend Scott who lives in Philadelphia. He said they were getting snow.

I tried to go to bed last night but I could not sleep so I got up and tried to finish some of my work. Blah. I feel like caca. My hair looks really good though. You can always tell when I've been up all night because I bother to dry my hair and stick a little styling crap in there in order to offset my puffy eyes and pasty skin. I just ate a power bar with caffeine in it for breakfest...it was nasty. ick. I have monkeys on my socks.

I have socks on my monkeys. their feet were cold.

argyle socks are where it's at. i've now got three pair. also i'm on the hunt for a good argyle sweater.

last night i went to a master's thesis trombone recital. it was cool and i got a lot of thinking done. then i came home and made myself a really strong margarita and tried to watch Minority Report, but i got bored after 20 minutes, so i went to sleep.

sarah I have an awesome argyle sweater, it's beige with an argyle pattern in blue and read that goes around the chest. It's got a hood and a little 3 inch zipper. I saw it at Macy's over break and my mother and I searched madly through the clearance section (which wasbasically a large pile took up half the women's department) until we found my size. I was determined and I got it!

oh god, the beauty of the hunt through the sale racks... makes your sweater that much more divine. it sounds perfect. i had envisioned an argyle cardigan for myself.

Hurrah argyle cardigans. Last night I stayed up until all hours and then a meat delivery truck woke me up. Is it really necessary to deliver meat at six in the morning when I have a raging headache and have only slept three hours? I'm making biscuits now, since I've given up on getting back to sleep. I've been having horrible nightmare lately.

what kind of nightmares, bad dreams or full-blown drag-you-out of stage four sleep sweating and screaming types? I know all about those.

i've been dreaming of witnessing accidents.

uhhh

Last night i got very drunk (at home, alone) and watched The Crow, and Saving Private Ryan. I think tonite I'll do it again, but w/ Thin Red Line and Strange Brew.

interesting combo for tonight. the intoxicating and sobering

Last night I dreamed I went to pick out a puppy for Kazoo. I found one that looked like a black lab, except its color, fur and eyes were identicalto that of my cat Space ghost.

awwww sem wants to have babies. maybe all my baby talk is weighing in.

oh it is. when i was at the trombone recital the other evening, i got the overwhelming feeling that i might be pregnant - which isn't impossible but highly unlikely. and i got really happy thinking about everything that would happen when it was actually confirmed for real that i was pregnant. and i thought about how i'd have to cancel my trip to new orleans and indefinitely cancel my plans to take a few months off to tour around south america, and how all of that was okay with me. i did get sad thinking that my mother wouldn't know and wouldn't want to know. but then i thought how i'd probably move back to hawaii to have the baby. maybe i'll go buy an EPT today, just for kicks.

But what I really want is a puppy.

I have had a touch of baby fever lately. You know, if I didn't have the medical problems and such, it would be nice. Then again, my sanity couldn't take raising another baby. I just need to get my baby fix. My best friend has been talking about having a baby, too and she and her fiancee are starting to make those plans, having a child together. Some men need never reproduce. To top it all off, I looked outside on my back patio to find a stray cat (we call momma cat) in our laundry basket giving birth. Nothing like having your three year old looking at a cat in labor and asking questions!

best time to teach 'em is when they ask. nothing good can come from stifeling curiousity, or learning. but thats just my opinion

I always answer questions, just not in TOO much detail. It is funny, the questions that come out of a 3 year olds mouth, though. Micki: Mommy, why is momma cat bleeding? Me: She's having babies. Micki: She's pushing babies out of her belly on Daddy's new jacket? Me: Yes. Micki: Is she cleaning the babies? Me: Yes. Micki: Oh, I love momma cat cleaning the babies. The babies are so cute. Daddy is going to love his jacket. Is she gonna hide the babies under the woodpile?

spring 1977 little sarah: mommy, tracey says that babies come from when the man sticks his thing into the woman, but i didn't believe her. is that true? mommy: yes, it is. little sarah: ewwww! no way! that's gross! mommy: yes, it is!

the other reason i think i'm pregnant is because of the weird food cravings i'm having. usually i only crave chocolate and/or alcohol - usually margaritas or brandy. but i've been having very food-specific cravings, like Chinese (and i *never* go out for chinese or crave chinese). two days ago i ordered carry-out Kung Pao chicken and spicy seafood dumplings with peanut sauce and ate it all except for the rice. and today i actually went through a drive thru! i haven't eaten fast food in well over 8 years, but today i was craving a milk shake. first i drove to the locally owned ice cream parlor, but they had gone out of business, so i drove to a Jack In The Box (!!!) because i heard they used real ice cream. and i got a medium/large chocolate shake and sucked down the whole thing and it was perfect. i never crave stuff like that, it's weird.

When I got pregnant with Hayley I started craving thick juicy steaks (and I was a vegetarian). When I was preganant with Micki (before I found out) nothing sounded good and I just kept craving baked potatoes with lots of butter and sour cream. Sometimes I still get cravings like that, mostly from PMS. I swear, I get every symptom of pregnancy when I am PMSing. Even morning sickness.

I am having the anti-PMS. I mean, it's the right time of the month, but I have been in a fantastic mood for several days. Yesterday, I walked to the grocery store through unshoveled sidewalks, and I felt so good I nearly laughed out loud....only from the good mood! I wasn't thinking about anything in particular. I don't have cramps, either. This makes me suspicious. Oh, but let me tell you....I ate lots of chocolate on Friday, and it made me sick. I felt nearly as bad as the time I had caffeine poisoning. Nausea, dizziness, and this weird sensation like I had swallowed liquid lead and my throat, esophagus, and stomach were constricted and painful. It went away after a few hours, thank God, but my binge wrecked my willpower in the days to follow. I didn't have any more sweets, but I did make parsnips (with ham) on Sat and Sun, which are as bad as potatoes when it comes to carbs. Oh, they were so good, though. I still have some left...

God, my writing has gone to crap since I left college. Anyway, my intention behind mentioning the unshoveled sidewalks in my first paragraph was to point out that I should have been grumbly and pissed off, trudging through the snow like that, but I was not. It was not a non-sequiter, as it may have seemed. Over the long weekend, I painted a little wooden key cabinet from IKEA and a couple picture frames. The cabinet just rocks -- I think I'll give that to my mother for Easter. I painted it black and doodled elaborate designs all around the sides in periwinkle, and then painted a Sacred Heart in red and gold on the door. It looks great, if I dare say so. I used a Celtic knotwork pattern on one of the picture frames, which took me over five hours to complete, and I'm contemplating sanding it off and starting again. It just looks sloppy. The thing about knotwork is that it's incredibly easy but incredibly time consuming, and I stop meticulously controlling my paint brush after the first hour or so. (Though, let me tell you, those hours flew by -- I wish I had that experience at work.) Gosh -- I feel good, I'm enjoying decorating my home....maybe *I'm* pregnant.

I understand about the milk shake thing. For a while when I first moved to Columbus, it was jamocha shakes at Arby's (prior to Ohio, there weren't any Arby's near wherever I had lived). And i always have to go to McDonald's at least once in March for a Shamrock shake. The rest of the year I steer clear of the place.

"Me: She's having babies. Micki: She's pushing babies out of her belly on Daddy's new jacket? Me: Yes. " LOL LOL LOL oh my god trace!!! LOL!!! you poor guy. Wow. lol

City Worker (picking up cat for foster home program): I am used to picking up animals that have been contained in a box. Me: She is in a laundry basket in labor giving birth to kittens. City Worker: I have never done this before, they are always contained. Me: So what did you want me to do, pick up the cat and the placenta halfway through the labor process and place it in a box to see if the baby was in the sack so long it suffocated? Why on earth would I pick up CAT PLACENTA? City Worker: Maybe I can see if I can get her. On back patio looking at cat and babies. City Worker: Is she docile? I have to get this around her neck. Me: She's just fine, not only does she let me pet her, she lets me move the babies out of the way as well. City Worker: I have to slip this around her neck. I put in on her neck so he can take her out. City Worker: How do I get the kittens? I take the laundry basket with the kittens in it and carry it to the truck, instruct him to open the cage and he inserts the kittens with the momma cat. City Worker: She looks kinda weak. Me: She just pushed out the 4th one less than 10 minutes ago. She's not going to run a marathon. Gotta love the geniuses who work for the city. Here's hoping the people who have the foster homes for these animals is at least as intelligent, so that the momma cat can do the rest. Ugh.

man, what a weenie that guy is. if that had been me, there's no way those kittens would have left my house - i'm such a sucker. last night i went to the gym, came home and grilled some steak and made fresh brussel sprouts pan roasted in garlic and olive oil, and i drank 3/4 of a bottle of really yummy spanish red wine, then kevin stopped by on his way home from work and we visited, then he left and i made oatmeal chocolate chip cookies (basic recipe, but subsitituted vanilla extract with coconut extract), then went to bed. tonight i'm going to an outdoor adventurer's group happy hour/meeting, and friday night i'm going to see erica badu at stubb's.

make that Erykah. also, i'm not pregnant. somewhat disappointing.

I got even more tanked than usual last night,I was stressed out from spending a long time at the dmv trying to get a title to have moms car sent to the dump.

honestly, how is it that anyone can keep themselves from going home and drinking themselves silly every single night. it's hard, i tell you. only out of constant vigilance and sheer superhuman will power do i manage to stay sober most nights of the week. tonight will not be one of them.

because i usually have a beer/glass o wine/cocktail or two, or 5 almost every night im find it hard to get shithoused when i really want to. this weekdn my bud from NYC comes back to town and Im going to buy a bottle of Makers and we WILL get trashed.

earlier tonight... Big Huge Black Guy: hey, can you see? do you want to stand in front of me? me: uhm, yeah, that would ge great! sure you don't mind?? Big Huge Black Guy: no darlin, i can see just fine either way. me: thanks!! {groove} me: so, do you think that's her REAL hair?? Big Huge Black Guy: oh yeah, for sure. she's been growing it out. me: right on. {30 minutes later Erikyah whipps off her big enormous afro wig} Big Enormous Black Guy: {to me} Yo! White Girl! me: Yo! That's what i'm sayin'! :P you can take the girl out of detroit....

yo

Yao

last night i went to the gym, came home, ate a can of tuna fish and some spaghetti squash, did a load of laundry, and crawled into bed. then i watched a movie called Igby Goes Down. never heard of it before but looked interesting when i was at the blockbuster the day before. what a quirky, inventive movie with witty dialogue. i really enjoyed it, and the soundtrack was great. anyone else see this one?

I just watched it Saturday night myself and I really liked it,the whole cast was great and Susan Sarandon was in rare form.Yesterday we went to the movie theater and saw About Schmidt,wow all I can say is it looks like an oscar for Jack.

how many has he won?

I watched "Gallipoli" last night. When it was over, I turned off the VCR in time to catch the first 10 seconds or so of Bush's speech. The mindset-change whiplash was too great, so I turned the channel and watched highlights from yesterday's Parliamentary debate on the BBC World news program. Then I painted. Then I went to bed. I had a dream that my car was stolen. Upsetting.

Three, his first best actor in One Flew Over A Cuckoos Nest his second best supporting actor for Terms of Endearment and then best actor for As Good as it Gets.

gallipoli is brilliant. i like the BBC world bumper music.

Gallipoli is damn good, i agree. I went to the gym, came home, made dinner, read comics and National Geographic and taped the Chappelle Show for Kazoo. That guy cracks me up to no end.

I went to the grocery store. Then ate a late dinner. Then paid bills. I owe, I owe it's off to work I go.

i came home, went to the darkroom with my bud to show him around a dark room. when he moves here, he wants to learn how to do it himself. we made some good images, drank some beers. then we picked up nico and went to the local tavern and threw some darts, played some tunes on the jukebox. went home. i ate some left over angel hair and meat sauce, we watched a bit of Hannibal and we all crashed just after midnight.

I liked "Gallipoli" very much. Everything about it was so fresh I often forgot I was watching a period piece. I'm surprised the boy who played Archie didn't become a bigger name -- he was very good, and so handsome.

I'll have to check that out,we got home from the movies about 6 p.m. watched Jeopardy,Idol,and that pathetic interveiw with Robert Blake and Barbra Wawa,the guy is as looney as they come.My s/o woke me up today making fun of him." I love you Rosey"!!

you are so right J. that guy was totally working it. great actor. i don't know if he's guilty or not, but boy can he work a TV audience.

fuck you guys, that was one of the saddest things i've seen. Also, he's stone cold crazy. Which makes me think he's innocent, since he seems so damn nuts it's like he would have admitted it and laughed by now. But i found him insane, yet honest. i think.

Sad=pathetic it's all the same. I'm sorry Whisper those crocodile tears don't fool me, it was like the preformance of his life and it seemed contrived.His first two lawyers dropped him for crap like this. I bet he is dumb enough to take the stand.

Robert Blake is insane and was the perfect patsy for any of the countless people from Bakley's past who would want her dead... trust me, the more you read about this case, the less you know. Its not so simple as to point to the famous weirdo. Bonnie ruined a lot of lives..

I've read all about her scams,she was a ho pure and simple,I have been watching the case on court tv,nobody wanted her dead more than Robert Blake.Even if she was pregnant,he should have never married her.

"I have been watching the case on court tv" theres where you made your mistake.

aww hell, it's 50 50 all the way. He's crazy, she's a ho, i wonder if it even matters. i guess they were made for each other.

fuck Robert Blake. lets talk about Detroit Red Wing Sergei Federov's divorce from Anna Kournikova and her reported affair with NY Ranger Pavel Bure. Bure is like 4'2". Shaaaa! can you say daaaaaaaaaaaaamn.

last night i crashed. our house guest of 8 days left on a red eye. saturday night, we also crashed earlier watching The Others. We had spent the day laying on the beach nusing hangovers. friday night, we went to a cocktail party and a talked real estate with an alleged "celebrity" child ponographer. i forgot at the time though he got busted with paul reubens. i was sufficiently freaked out when reminded of this. we then went to china town to watch jazz where i proceeded to drink 3 scorpions. cocktails that will f u c k y o u to hell and back. takign my friend on a cigarette/walking tour of china town we decided, in our stupor to ride those kiddie car/horsies always in front of Kmarts and Wal marts. Upo getting my feet into the race car, being so top heavy i fell over the otherside of itand landed inbetween a 1 1/2 ft crevice between the race car and the pony. i have multiple bruises as i fell with all my weight.

Am I evil if I laugh at that?

I'm sorry. I hope you didn't hurt yourself too much.

My Friday night wasn't quite that bad, I think. I went to get some movies to watch at home and upon returning found out that it was girls night at my neighbors. We played cards and drank (I had 3 drinks there and one before) then they said we are going out to a club, so I went in and changed really quick and we left. Turned out this "club" was "Tiffany's Cabaret". What am I going to do there, so I had another beer, then a shot of Goldschlager, then they handed me another beer. I spent the night picking the strippers apart with the guy sitting next to me (my friends boyfriend). Next thing I know I am desperately clinging to consciousness, I puke all over my friend, I don't know what else happened. I puked on Spunky, woke up at 5:30 am, took a shower and went back to sleep. I have burns on my thighs (I don't know how they got there since there are no burn marks on my pants) and scrapes across my back and shoulders (my friend thinks she did that trying to get me to walk, but isn't sure). So I got royally fucked up, haven't been that fucked up in 6 years, vaguely remember pieces of the night and am covered in scrapes and burns that I don't know how they got there.

I burned my mouth on some oven-fried chicken I made. I cooked it too long and it was too dry. I hate cooking. I made it a "Detroit Duo" at the movies this weekend. I went and saw Narc on Saturday, which I thoroughly enjoyed. It won't win any awards, but it was a good film. Then I saw "8 MIle" on Sunday. Again, no awards, but a decent film. I am not sure why no one reviewed it as a musical, because that's what it really is. It was also cool seeing all the shots of the Shelter and St. Andrew's Hall. I love that place. My friend Dan works there and met Eminem while they were filming. What would I do without the buck theater?

i told you so you could laugh at it spider.

my friend was in drunken hysterics. thank god it was a back chinatown alley and no one else was around.

go eri! go eri! go eri! go eri!

last night. let's see. i did a load of laundry, drank 3/4 bottle of one of the most accidentally delectible red wines ever, baked bar cookies, talked on the phone, drank a brandy alexander, at half the cookies, talked at my roommate, went to bed. Ming Zing Ping Ingredients 1 cup flour 2 tablespoons light brown sugar 1 stick butter (cold, or only slightly soft) -- 1/3 cup flour 1 teaspoon baking powder dash of salt 1 cup light brown sugar 2 eggs 1 tea vanilla 1 cup finely shredded coconut 1 cup chocolate chips 1 cup oatmeal (optional) Directions Combine the first three ingredients with a fork until the mixture is crumbly. press it into a 9" square greased pan. bake for 15 minutes at 350 degrees. remove from oven. meanwhile, combine flour, baking powder and salt, and set aside. using electric mixers and a different bowl, combine the brown sugar, eggs, and vanilla until well blended. stir in flour mixture, then coconut, chocolate and oatmeal. spread on top of the layer you just baked and bake it again for another 20-30 minutes at 350 degrees.

every night this weekend i was in bed, asleep, by 10:30 p.m. do i know how to rock the party or what?!

Yeah, go Eri hahahahaha. I had to call my friend today to make sure I didn't have to steam clean my puke out of her car. I love making those phone calls! I vaguely remember dancing in one of the cages with a friend of mine, though. Party hardy, Eri dancing in a cage at a strip club with a stripper! Of course, I usually don't need to get drunk to do that!

last night TeleToon FINALLY showed the last episode of Clone High. So we gathered at the tv, shut the lights, and unplugged the phone (not kidding). it wasn't as good as the film fest or b-ball episodes, but it had it's moments. If it doesn't get a 2nd season, i'll cry. ---- Joan: "Why do guys only go for vapid sluts?" J.F.K: "Heeeeeey, you just, er ah, said my er, favorite word! It's got an S in the front, an S at the end, and a LUT inside..... a LUTTA ME!!"

I missed it. I went to see Gruvis Malt last night. Very good show. One of the acts was a human beatbox who did a cover of "Big in Japan" with a harmonica.

i became miserable last night. i made a spicy meatloaf and it wasn't spectacular. nor was it particularly spicy. i woke up this morning feeling like drinking.

join the club.

i apparently have. bourbon and diet 7-up has no carbs.

really? but that doesn't sound too tasty. what about gin and diet sprite? or stoli's vanilla and diet coke?

bourbon and diet [lemonlime] is great. one of the best drinks of all time. the diet keeps it from being too sweet.

I had a gin and (diet) tonic the other night. I was extremely leery of the diet tonic water (WTF? Isn't it "diet" to begin with?), and rightfully so.

diet tonic doesnt have quinine i believe. that stuff supposedly makes you "aggressive". how did it feel to loosen your pantaloons a bit? what kind of gin?

I do have an occasional drink or two, you know. It was just some cheap gin...I don't remember the brand. Before that I had a small amt of brandy and water, but I don't remember that brand, either. I was really in the mood for some Bailey's but I'm sure that stuff is laden with carbs.

if you only drink so often, do yourself a favor and buy the good shit. bombay saphire is the best gin i know.

If I had no self-control, I would drink half a bottle of Bailey's a night. That stuff makes me incredibly mellow and warm all through, like I've turned into a pile of laundry fresh from the dryer. Hey, it's Shrove Tuesday today...

tonic water is laden with carbs, too, isn't it? tanquery malaaca is my fav for martinis.

Well, not diet tonic water, I can tell you that for certain. The lack of carbs is the only thing it's got going for it....egads, it was nasty.

spider, you should try jameson and diet creame soda.

What's Jameson? Diet creame soda? Hell, why not?

jameson is irish whisky. i've never tried this particular combination, but if you like bailey's it might be good. maybe i should try it for you first. the design is sound, but i can dust a bottle of jameson pretty easily if the creme soda thing turns out to be a fluke.

Okay. :)

hmmm i wonder how brandy and diet cream soda would taste? there's also canfields diet fudge cola. hah! probably nasty.

I have probably mentioned this, but remember back in like '92 -'93 when Crystal Pepsi came out? At about the same time, Southern Comfort produced a clear version called Crystal Comfort. THe only way anyone could drink the Crystal Pepsi was to mix it with the Crystal Comfort. Also, I forgot to mention that I got carded to go into an "R" movie this weekend. That's the first time I've ever been carded for a movie, and probably the last. Must've been my new hair cut.

I got a haircut last night; it looks terrible. What part of "I'd like it to rest on my shoulders" is unclear to you? I'm happy that I didn't ask for bangs, I'd look like this guy And it's not going to grow out in time for my big date this weekend. ok, enough whining.

you know my theory about Crystal Pepsi, right sem? they didn't know what to do with the huge inventory of the stuff that never sold, so they fermented it and voila! Zima.

I have been debating getting my hair cut again, just to even it out a little, but I haven't done it. I have to keep reminding myself that as it grows out I will want more layers in it so I better not cut it now, maybe next year. Last night we went to a "PTA" meeting where Hayley was in a square dance. Only in Texas! Poor little Hayley was the shortest one there and she was stuck all the way in the back corner, so we didn't get to take any pictures and she couldn't see us over the other kids. Then we came home, watched TV, read and went to sleep.

Kazoo, is your poor hair that short? Can you pin it back?

Yes, thankfully, I can pull it back. It's not quite that short; it's around my chin. It was past my shoulders yesterday. When I was in college my hair was that short and when I wore my wool cap backwards, they called me Prince Valiant. I shouldn't complain, my hair grows really fast. Also, my friends here think it's adorable and two of them wouldn't stop playing with it when they saw it.

what's strange is that i sort of pictured you with a smart, short bob type haircut. but damn there is little worse for the self esteem than a bad haircut. the good news is that it always grows back. has anyone ever seen a picture of kazoo?

i bet sem has

Remember: one man's Prince Valiant is another's Louise Brooks.

yeah, that hairdo kinda looks like Emelie, too. and she's cute as hell.

My hair grows so slowly it isn't even funny. It is just now reaching my chin if I stretch it out. It's in that growing out phase where I have no clue what to do with it. I know all of those short layered straight looks are in right now, but my hair is so curly it would never do any of those things that look good, so I am just stuck until I either cut it all off again or let it grow down past my shoulders. I would feel much better if I could find a pair of thinning shears somewhere. For some reason I always pictured Kazoo with dreads, though I don't know why.

COuld it be that the woman I went on two dates with before I met Kazoo had dreads? I know I talked about that here on one of those dating service threads or something. Kazoo could tell you. I have several digital photos of Kazoo, but it's up to her if she wants folks to see them. She may pull a Spider.

Hey. Blanche DuBois said a woman's charm is 50% illusion. If you disseminate my image, my charm will be lowered by half, and you know I can't afford that. ;)

awww.

That might be it. It might be someone from the dating service before her. It might be that I am just insane.

i picture her with dreads too, although i know it's because after that date you had with the dread girl, you decided to stop talking, and the idea of you and someone with dreads just stuck. I know kazoo probably doesn't have dreads, but i figured i might as well picture her with 'em anyway, since it would be a change ;) my hair has stayed down to my waist/ass and parted in the middle since i was.... 9? before that it was still ass-length, but with bangs. i never have the courage to hack it all off with dull scissors and go Robert Smith, but that's the dream. I'd have to wear a wig if i hated it, see.

Yeah, let's see Kazoo!

No dreads here. I wanted to dread my hair but only so that I would have a good reason to shave my head. My hair was between 1-3 inches for years...Then I moved to Ohio and was either too lazy or too busy to get it cut. I don't mind if Sem posts/sends a photo, just as long as he sends the one he knows that I like. I used to hear all about that dread girl. Not from Sem though. I never met her, but she was the crush-object of several of my lesbian/bi-curious/bisexual/queerbot classmates at OSU.

that's a crazy 'small world' thing.

Wisper, I had the ass length hair, with the big curls and I cut them off. I have never had the patience to let it grow that long again, and I wish I had the patience and the neck strength, because it was so much easier to care for when it was long. Now it is just a frizz ball that doesn't even reach my shoulders. If I could go back in time I never would cut it off. At least not above the bottom of my shoulder blades. I have about 5 years of growing to get back there again. Kazoo, good luck with pics you like. Spunky puts pics of me up here before I have even seen them and I freak. I hate the pictures he puts up of me. He always puts up the ones I hate the most for some reason, and I don't even find out he did it until later. Ugh. Kinda like the picture he posted of my legs. What was up with that? Then again, I hate 90% of the pictures taken of me anyways.

tee hee

i know agatha's ftp l/p so when she posts a picture of me, i go and delete it.

aw, but that picture will all y'all's heads in a circle is so goddamn assfucking cute.

shit, money. that was 9 years ago.

if you want to see Kazoo, she has givena stamp of approval to one photo, which I can email to folks.

Sure, I'll take one, please.

I'm curious to see what she looks like, even though I have yet to see what YOU look like :)

sem's a cutie-patootie. probably the best looking of all the sorabjiland guys i've seen pictures of.

me too me too.

check your mail.

wacka wacka wacka btw. sem, nate, you kids get my my mail right? more propaganda on the way.

me, me, meeeeeee!

You're talking about the sanil mail, patrick? then yes.

She's lovely, sem. You're a lucky dude!

what are you doing with him kazoo? (joking) i take it thats pre haircut.

last night we took a tour of the birthing center where milkdud is to be born. nico kinda freaked out because before they showed us the low-risk birth rooms (where we'll be unless there is a problem) they showed us the high-risk room, which is essentially a surgical room. we had to stay behind a line due to sterilization and the door was ajar, showing this bed/chair, everything metal,shiny and sterile with a single spot light on the bed. it was like a spook house tour. My Wife FREAKED! "oh my god, i cant do this, no way no way." "ok, sure honey, well we can return the baby if you like, get a refund perhaps" ive learned to deal with her volatile emotions with abit of ease now. it was unclear that this room was to be used only if there was an emergency or c sections etc. the tour guide was somewhat unclear. Then we got to the birthing room where we will be and its nice. they have tv, vcr, stereo/cd system, light dimmers, fold out couch etc. she wants the stones playing non-stop throughout. my crazy wife. she done gone crazy. i'll bring Performance and my copy of Gimme Shelter for the VCR too. Mick and Keith will bring my baby in. Oh, and then we came home, i made some soup, watched a lil hockey. took a shower. watched some of Apocolypse Now Redux again, went to bed.

I wanna see Kazoo,I remember sem describing her when they met.

Me too. I got a tour of the ob/gyn section of the hospital last night too, but we spent most of the time in the SART room. The SART nurse is kinda wierd. And S clearly hates her with a passion, so she kept leaning over and correcting her.

are you preggers platy?

I always envied those got to have those cushy rooms with the vcr's and cd players and bath tubs and shit. I always ended up in the scary surgical rooms. I didn't get any pictures! :(

eri, I think sem wanted to send you one with him in it too. The requests for pictures made me blush, now I'm going to faint from all the compliments...thanks Patrick, Nico reminds me of my bestfriend, Shannon, who wants "Under My Thumb" played at her wedding. Anyway, I think you should start with "I Am Waiting" from Aftermath: I am waiting, I am waiting (oh yeah, oh yeah) I am waiting, I am waiting (oh yeah, oh yeah) Waiting for someone to come out of somewhere Waiting for someone to come out of somewhere You can't hold out, you can't hold out Oh yeah, oh yeah You can't hold out, you can't hold out Oh yeah, oh yeah Waiting for someone to come out of somewhere Waiting for someone to come out of somewhere

heh. you're much different looking than i thought kazoo, for the better for sure. now if we can only get spider out of her shell. the only image that has evern been shown of J is her doing this amazing ass over head manuever in some 70s era polaroid. mark should be proud. he packs em in. the hotties that is.

did the photo not come through, eri? And platy, i need your email. Now you see how lucky I am!

Oh, I wanna see Kazoo!

Sorry Sem, but I didn't get any pics! I just double checked to be sure. I am going to make sure I have the right email address here!

damn you both are so unrealistically beautiful. kazoo i bet your new hair looks adorable. you've got a great face for that kind of haircut. you just probably have to get used to it.

spider, you could never lose your charm, especially because of a photo. the mysterious thing doesn't make you more interesting, it just makes you less knowable.

thanks sarah. Patrick posted a photo of Maya from SNL on the cultural revolution thread...that's the haircut I have...with less wave though

I think Sarah is right about the hair,Kazoo and you two look so cute and perfect together,but I still love the picture of Sem on a toilet.

our mail has been acting weird lately, eri

I got like 3 emails from S today. About J and car guy. Those are coming on time, but my UN acceptance took over 24 hrs to get to my email. Maybe that is it. I dunno.

Let me know if you haven't gotten by this evening and I wil send it again in the morning. if you need a hint, Kazoo is much better looking than Maya Rudolph.

cant argue with that but Maya has those really cute freckles on her high cheeks that you just want to..... nevermind.

So far I have only seen pics of Patrick, Nico, and Sarah. Most of you I have yet to see, so it will be interesting how the pictures match up to the mental pictures. Patrick was an exact match. Sarah was quite different, in a good way. My plans for tonight are to eat (I have been stuffing my face like a pregnant woman lately) and sit on my ass (which is growing, I have been gaining a lot) and watch Friends. I should probably step on a scale to see how much weight I have gained, but I am afraid to.

I've lost ten pounds since the middle of January.

If I had to guess, I have gained that much since Christmas. Maybe more. I dunno. I couldn't even guess at my weight right now. I was at 116 over Christmas, but I have gained a full size in clothes since then and approximately 6 inches total. I probably should be happy, but sometimes I still freak. It's that Cali mind set of anything over 105 lbs is fat.

hey wisper, gimme your mailing addy, i wanna mail you a handmade post card picture of succulents.

that's cool! and sem must send me pics of he and Kazoo. please :) i bet y'all are so cute.

holy crap sem, i got it ten minutes after i posted that. We're really on the ball today huh? cute! well, no one ever looks like how i think they do. That's really fucked up.

What did you think we looked like?

i don't know! i think of you with dark hair, and really short, for some reason. But you look a little bit like M.Doughty, and that's not bad at ALL. kazoo looks just like this girl i went to highschool with. Just the same. She was very strange and had freakishly long fingers. She always came on Halloween dressed as obscure literary characters. People no one would ever know. She married a guy named 'Tibor', also from school, who did his OAC art final about photos he had taken of roadkill. Roadkill photos in b/w are very tragic. Did you know that? They were both very nice, but kinda quiet. Anyway that's who Kazoo looks like :)

I see Sem with dark hair, too. Kinda like one of those guys in a C&R commercial. Tall, lean, not overly muscular, dark hair, dark eyes. I thought Kazoo had dreads and I imagined her to be dirty blonde, petite, artistic, beautiful. Well, fuck watching "Friends" tonight. Our president is talking about things that we already know!

Interesting...I'm not petite or and I had blond hair as a child. I'm not artistic at all, not even a little bit. The most artistic thing that I do is color in my coloring books when I'm stoned. "She always came on Halloween dressed as obscure literary characters" now that, that is something that I would do.

I take that back...coloring is artistic, especially if you obsess, as I do, over what shades to use...so many GREENS...don't know what to do...that's really tough when you're high.

It's been so long I wouldn't remember. The only thing I remember about being stoned was my neighbor saying "Something's wrong with you" and I thought she said "Someone's behind you" and freaked out. When I said artistic I was thinking in terms of music or personal style.

I see...I actually have a bit of a complex when it comes to my so-called lack of artistic talent/creativity...it still strikes from time to time but that has a lot to do with being and school and feeling overwhelmed by the amount of reading/writing/thinking-academically that goes on. When it gets really bad I start to feel like I've lost my artistic sensibility/tastes...things like music, literature, movies etc. I got really bent out of shape last semester over the fact that I hadn't found any new music in a long time. Sem helps out with that. Also, since then I have discovered 88.5 (thanks to Patrick) which I listen to constantly and I also purchased a bunch of new albums and have a growing list of things to check out (thanks to Spider, dave., Dougie...I'm sure there are others of you...I just can't think right now).

i took the train, with angry sam downtown. got out at 7th, walked to Hanks bar. An old bar in a hotel that mostly foreign business folk stay in. The kind of hotel Americans would call a dump. We drank, cursed the president and his lies, discussed what a stooge Blair is and mocked some dumbass reporter on Fox news reporting on the mass student walk outs Wednesday when she said "All I can help notice is that there are a lot of young faces in these protests". No shit lady. your on campus. its a student walk out. then we walked to Staples center and watch the Kings play one of the worst hockey games ive ever seen. i bought the cheapseats in a promo. we were in the LAST row in the bldg. ive sat in the best and now the worst in that place. naturally the FATEST guy in the entire god damn arena had to sit in front of me, his 400+ plus body overflowing the seats, and his 100lb meathooks rest on the back of the seat next to him spilling over into my beer. never again, the cheap seats in a promo package.

hearing you talk about that man like that hurts my heart. probably doesn't make any sense, but it does.

My aunt was one of those 400-500 lb people with the asses that roll over the seats and the arms that hang down. Damn, she was the strongest and most inspriational (not in a religious way but a life changing way) people I have ever had the joy of knowing. She was murdered by her hubby's mistress and the bitch walked away scott free. She later murdered my uncle and got away with that too. I can understand what you mean Sarah, about things like that hurting, because when people say things like that I think of my aunt and what an amazing woman she was and how next to nobody knew or bothered to know because of her size. Not ragging on you Patrick. I have to catch myself sometimes, thinking things like that, but it is personal for me, obviously.

no. it doesnt make any sense. would you agree your take on the subject is totally distorted. this guy wasnt overweight. angry sam is overweight. this guy was gross as in jabba the hut gross.

oy vey... here we go. can i say something about a stranger to all of us not make it personal?

Totally distorted is a matter of perspective. Not having been overweight yourself, patrick, you may not be able to understand.

i dont buy this shit that because ive never been overweight i cant understand tiggy. what a load. so you know, before this conversation goes any further, it should end.

I didn't say you can't understand. You have a totally distorted perspective of my remarks. But you obviously don't understand.

I know that you didn't say that intending to offend someone and you were just speaking your mind. I am not all pissed off or anything like that. It really isn't that big of a deal. I was just showing why I can understand how saying these things can be hurtful. It isn't like I expect everyone to be totally PC and never offend me in any way.

Thanks Sem! I finally got the picture. It threw me. You are both gorgeous together! I do have to admit, that the earring threw me for a loop somehow. Kazoo I think that shorter hair cut probably looks great on you!

No, Patrick, it's part of my training--I'm working for an Sa/Dv crisis centre and there are a lot of SART exams up here. Those would be the, er, unhappy part of the ob/gyn section of the hospital (Sexual Assault Response Team). Sorry Sem, I'm a geek. Love me anyway?

sure, why not?

last night i made this soup. it's my own made-up recipe and there's a good story behind it, which i will tell later. maybe in the sex thread. i figured i'd share it since i had to type it up to give to my new friend anyway. Turnip and Leek Soup Ingredients Olive oil 1 large or 2 medium or 4 small turnips 3-5 medium leeks, whites and a little green, sliced handful of sun-dried tomatoes 6-8 stalks celery, chopped 3 garlic cloves, minced about 1 quart vegetable or chicken stock 4 cups water rosemary rubbed sage salt and pepper 1/2 cup heavy cream soft tofu (optional) 1 can crab meat (optional) Directions Peel and chop the turnip into about 2 inch cubes. Dribble with olive oil, dust with rosemary, sage, salt, and pepper. Toss around and transfer to a pan. Roast in the oven at 400 degrees for about an hour or until soft and browning slightly. Meanwhile heat another 1-2 tablespoons of olive oil in a large stock pot. Add leeks, celery, garlic, and a dash more sage and rosemary, salt and pepper. Cook over low heat stirring often until leeks and celery are soft. Add stock, water, and sun-dried tomatoes. Bring to a boil, reduce heat, and simmer for 10 minutes. Add roasted turnips and simmer for another 15 minutes. Transfer mixture to blender or food processor and blend until smooth. Return blended soup to pot and if necessary add more water to desired consistency. Add heavy cream. Heat another 10 minutes at least before serving. Alternatively or in addition to the heavy cream, you can add 1 small package of tofu, diced, to the soup along with the turnips before blending. This will add protein as well as give the soup a more creamy texture. You will also have to add more water or vegetable stock if you include tofu. Or just stir in a can of crab meat for protein. Also adds nice flavor. Also, don't leave out the sun-dried tomatoes. It makes the soup a great color and the sweetness balances out the zesty/spicy flavor of the turnips.

I love turnips,I'm going to try that soup,it sounds so good.Last night we went to Costco I got 2 playstation2 games for Jonathon for $30.00 sweet.Before I bought the games I had to return a play set I bought Orion that was too small,an older woman tried to cut in front of me and I was like "excuse you" and made a little scene and she went to the end of the line,later I saw her giving me the evil eye when I was shopping and I just started laughing.Then we tried a new Thai food resturant,I had pork satay and siam toast and all was right in the world.I thought Amee was going to drop Orion off,when she didn't I got tanked,I must have had sex cause my undies were off this a.m. but I don't remember.Love that vodka.

"Last night we went to a "PTA" meeting where Hayley was in a square dance. Only in Texas!" this is old eri, but i missed it before...just wanted to point out, not only texas, but vermont as well. we had great big square dance during orientation, and it was so much fun! Fun for most people because they all felt ridiculous together, but fun for me cause i really enjoy square dances and contradances. Yeehaw!

It was the kids performing for the adults. We all got to sit around and watch. They stuck Hayley so far in the back that we couldn't see her. Then they had the upper grades do some thing where they stood in circles and threw balls around in some pattern to music. It completely made no sense to me. Tonight, I have no clue what I am going to do. I want to do something, but I don't know what. It's bugging me. Of course, I don't have anyone to go out with, so I will end up at home again.

tonight i decided that i dont give a shit, theres a guy, a friend of mine, who is sad and lonely, and i decided that even though i am falling for him and i will likely get hurt, i will do whatever i can to make him happier, because when i look in his eyes i can see he is so sad and my heart goes out to him.

i spent the afternoon cleaning off my drafting table, and hopefully by tommorow will have started on something. The room seemed dreary, and i just thought that i was burnt out from painting. But it's amazing how much better it looks (and how much better i feel) just tidying it off, getting things in place, and putting the old inspirational pieces and posters up around my work area. I guess it's much more important than i realized. okay, so when i say 'inspirational posters', it looks like i mean that kitten hanging onto a tree. no. I mean the Mucha and the 2 Eschers, Rob Zombie's drawings and SailorSaturn, some exploding dog ("it was not a hug"), the old Pizza Pizza logo man, some newspaper clipping of an opera singer in this great white pleated cloak, Bono with bug-eye glasses in black and white, a mermaid sketch i did long ago, a hexidecimal colour chart, scrap papers i found leftover in a photocopier.... Just setting out the paints made me want to go go go. Hello yellow ocher. You are so important. I'm glad you don't cost too much. Hello ultramarine blue hue, you are also important. You are very expensive. Hello cobalt blue, you're a shitty replacement for ultramarine blue. You can only make good mixed colours. Hello alizerin crimson. You are my favorite paint colour. You make perfect pinks and purples, and look great on your own, too, don't you? I need more of you. Hello phalo green. I hate you. You came in a set and i can't bring myself to throw you out. You look neon all the time and i can't mix it out of you. Everyone hates you, phalo green. i bought 4 new brushes last week. I'm excited. You always need brushes, never enough. I keep my brushes in top shape. If you take care of them real proper like, they can last your whole life. It's tedious to take care of them. You have to wash them with brush soap before they dry out, only in cold water, you scrub them onto your palm until they're clear. Then you have to re-shape them before you hang them upside down to dry, and no one's ever come up with a good way to do this. Brushes are an investment, they can cost you heavy $$$$. The boy always leaves his in icky paint water for weeks, it hurts me. The new ones i got have a nice texture, they seem strong and with a good bounch to them. I gave them a proper cleaning just as an excuse to get to know them. I hope they hold paint well, i think they're actually crafter's brushes. I assume that because the art store was selling them off for $3 bucks each, no matter what size or style. Brushes that could have gone for $22+ each easily were all just $3. I should have bought more....! And (this is the catch) they have cushy rubber comfort grips on the ends of them. Which might be good for detail work, but we'll see. This is why they were so cheap, i'm sure. No self-respecting serious person would buy these. I'll never use them around other people, that's for sure, they'll think i'm a massive tool. Or at worst, a crafter hobbyist. The shame!! Fuck those cunts and their pre-mixed greens. Fuck them right back to Lewiscraft. Tommorow i CREATE!

holy crap you talk to your paint.

hah! that was my thought when i read that earlier. verbatim. i'm drinking beer and plowing through cbts. my manager is hounding me to get certified even though i've been doing the job for months. "all my people are certified." bullshit management targets. i took a series of simulated exams before i started cramming and failed but barely. the shit i got wrong is irrelevant nowadays. what's more remarkable is the amount of stuff i actually do that isn't even in the scope of this certification. i feel like i'm learning cursive writing when i should be taking typing lessons.

damnit, i do not. what do you do dave? if you don't mind me asking.

i'm the printer guy. printers suck.

last night i was out seeing The Roots at Stubb's and bumped into Luke Wilson upstairs, and ended up sitting on his lap and talking to him for a good ten minutes. he was sitting at the big table with a posse of people. there were only 2 women at his table, both with other men. everyone at his table except him was talking to each other. he was just sorta looking down at the wood when i first saw him. actually i wouldn't have recognized him had someone else not pointed him out. he doesn't look like a movie star, he doesn't look like any character he's played in any of his films either. he's sorta this quiet skinny guy. oh, and he has a mustache! eewwww, one of those thin barely-there kind. anyway, it wasn't that exciting. we talked about our jobs. i have a friend in dallas who swears that Luke Wilson is stalking him. coincidentally that friend from dallas is in austin right now as well. austin during sxsw week is a trip. btw, The Roots live - they put on a damn good show. they did a Run DMC cover.