A year ago today i was playing on stage. |
Henry! 39! You think he'll be 49 and still around? Didn't he say he'd quit when he became a parody of himself? Though thank God he is around. We need people like him. |
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I look at pictures of you because I am afraid that you would notice me staring in real life. I looked at your picture today for countless minutes. It is closer than I'll ever get to you for real. I felt like I was looking at a captured animal at a safe distance. If you knew I was doing this, you would feel sickened and frightened. That's why you'll never know. Years will go by and you'll never know. I will never say the things that I want to say to you. I know the damage it would do. I love you more than I hate my loneliness and pain. Somewhere someone is thinking of you. Someone is calling you an angel. This person is using celestial colors to paint your image. Someone is making you into a vision so beautiful it can only live in the mind. Someone is thinking of the way your breath escapes your lips when you are touched. How your eyes close and your jaw tightens with concentration as you give pleasure a home. These thoughts are saving a life somewhere right now. In some airless apartment on a dark, urine-stained, whore-lined street, someone is calling out to you silently and you are answering without even being there. So crystalline. So pure. Such life saving power when you smile. You will never know how you have cauterized my wounds. So sad that we will never touch. How it hurts me to know that I will never be able to give you everything I have. --from "Solipsist" |
a friend of mine has spoken w/ him a few times. says he's basically nice, but paranoid. certain topics will set him off or make him nervous. in my friend's case, it was an admission that he's published one of the same writers that rollins handles. it led to some sudden freaked-out questions & concerns about stolen material, even though my friend's dealings w/ this particular writer happened many years ago. still, even if rollins is a bit of a flake, he's an undeniably talented writer. |
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Except if you live in another country right. |
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My workmate who has several Tom Waits records has never heard of him either. So there! I'm telling you its a country thing. I bet you've never heard of Howard Morrison. Or Billy T James. Or Temura Morrison. Alan Duff. Kiri Te Kawana. Tessa Duder. Julian Aoraha. |
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Umm. After that, I'm lost. Henry Rollins is worth looking up, Moonit, Gee. |
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I thought you might of heard of Kiri - and I guess I forgot our famous model - Rachel Hunter *rolling eyes* Gee - If Shihad go back to Canada for a tour, go see them. They are a good NZ band. anyway after all that The Grump kinda knew who Rollins was - but only for his music, not for anything else. |
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Rollins. |
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You ask me why I love you and I tell you that no one talks to me like you do. Some of the best times I have ever known are when you call me and we talk late at night. You smile and ask me if I want to kiss you. I tell you that I want to kiss you every day for the rest of my life. You lean in close to me and lock your eyes onto mine. You open your mouth slightly and move in closer. In the instance before your lips touch mine, I see the glint of the cobra's head inside your mouth. You pull me to you, clamp your mouth onto mine and the cobra goes down my throat, followed closely by a few more and then several scorpions. You pull back. I can feel the creatures in my gut, biting and stinging. I ask you why you have done this to me. You say, "You're just mad because I don't want to fuck you." I tell you that I don't care about that and why did you hurt me when I have never done anything to you. You pull out a knife and start stabbing yourself. I tell you to stop. You tell me to beg you. I beg you. Tears stream down my face. The pain of the snakes and scorpions are forgotten, all I can think about is your safety. You say, "I'm showing you how weak and stupid you are." I black out. When I awaken, I am on the floor of a hotel in the middle of nowhere. The rug is warm and I'm glad to be alone. I look up to see the door and to my great joy it is triple locked. It's the first thing I do when I come in, never knowing how the curse will manifest itself. Whatever happens, no one can be here unless it's a dream of you or a cobra you might send to keep me company. Alone is perfect because it's all I can handle. I was never able to deal with company who stays too long, unless it's you with your flesh-melting words. Almost everything and everyone outlasts their welcome. Human nature is anti-human. I dream of anonymous room numbered nights on flat ground near major highways. I always stay below the windows and I never answer the phone. I know it will never be you. --from "Solipsist" |
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Live is here next week, with Sugar Ray and Tadpole. I wanted to go see them but none of my friends love live as much as me. |
February 18 Molly Malone's; Wellington February 24 The Mill; New Plymouth Febryary 25 Castlecliff Club; Wanganui February 26 Finn Mcools; Taupo February 27 Java Jive; Auckland March 1 Irish Rover; Gisbourne March 2 Massey University; Palmerston North March 3 O'Malleys; Levin March 4 Vic University; Wellington March 5 Kaponga Backgammon Club; Kaponga moonit - I sent you some mail today. Finally! I finally sent you the tapes I made for you! I really wanted to re-do one of them because I got a few new Captain Tractor CD's and I wanted to put some of those songs on the tape, but I decided I'd waited long enough and I'll just send them. I sent a tape to Markus too. I forgot to send my naked pictures to Nate, though. next week, next week. |
All those places are in the top half of NZ. Yay Mail! I will watch and wait and get my butt into gear and send yours. Rhi did yours come yet? |
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