This weekend I went to the 3 Rivers Music Festival. It was great. There was John Kay and Steppenwolf; Cowboy Mouth; Jump, Little Children; and Widespread Panic. One thing bothered me about it, though. But first, the story: Wade and I arrived at the festival at around 7. We saw some other friends of ours (Jessy, Kat, Adam, Marissa) and went to see. Anything. Wade basically came to see Widespread Panic, and see them we did. But then Kat, Adam, and Marissa went to see Steppenwolf. So that left me and Jessy. Wade was off somewhere "dancing" to the music. (As an important side note, I have had a crush on Jessy almost since the beginning of the school year. But I have exactly 0% chance of it going anywhere.) So anyway, we're moving on up through the crowd, and Jessy asks some pothead for a hit. I found that after that she is much more mellow and easygoing, if not more giggly and hard to talk to. She is much more physical with me (meaning she out her arm around my shoulder, presumably in a cannabic stupor) and appears to listen to what I have to say. I did not partake of any marijuana, partially because of my straight-edginess, and partially because I figured one of us had to stay in touch with reality. This made me feel bad: that a girl had to smoke up three or more times to show any degree of affection towards me. Anyway. Sunday night was a different story. Again, Wade and I show up (albeit I about thirty minutes earlier) and we wander around a bit getting ready for Jump, Little Children. They came on stage and I ventured out into the thick of the crowd while Wade observed from the sides. The one thing I actually wanted to hear by JLC was the two-hand-tapping intro to a song I assume is called "I Love My Guitar," because they say that sentence many times in the song. Marissa and Jessy see me and (surprise!) go up to talk to me. For like two seconds. Then they got back to the whole groupie-fangirl-thing. Anyway. To top it all off, the minute they start doing THE ONE THING I SHOWED UP FOR, THE WHOLE CROWD STARTS SCREAMING THEIR BLOODY HEADS OFF! Can I not get one thing I desire? Is all denied to me? After an unsettling incident with a drunken woman at the Vertical Horizon (crap) show (in which I fashioned a weapon out of a previously discarded beer can), it was time for Cowboy Mouth. By this time, I had met Marissa's younger brother Jonathan. Cowboy Mouth very easily excited the crowd into yelling, squatting, and various other things. After some pizza, Wade and I went home. The thing is, sometimes I feel so inadequate, even though I don't really think I am. Don't get me wrong, I don't think that I am any great shakes, but certainly I am not the hideous vile creature that one would assume that I am by the amount of attention I get.

give attention (not creepy attention) and you will get attention. you will. not particular attention so one person thinks that you only think of them but semi-equal random friendly attention. but i've never been a boy looking for attention so i don't know.