That dream he had makes it quite plain -- our dear boy Sem is going insane. He sorely needs some feminine attention from the perfect woman of our own invention. ------------------------------------------- So, Sem... Here's my pick for the Girl of Your Dreams: First of all, she must be scientific-brainy. With a droll sense of humor & a razor-sharp wit. Like Scully. Precisely like Scully. Not too tall. 5'6" or 5'7". (You're what - 5'10"?) She's gotta have moxie. That unique brand of fearlessness that means nothing will stop her from going after what it is she wants. Like Hilary Swank/when she went after the lead in 'Boy's Don't Cry'. Cut off her hair & got all butched-out just for the audition. And beat out a bunch of better-known beauty queens who weren't willing to live the role until someone handed them the role. But Hilary got it. And look at her now! She must have the soul of a poet. Like E.B. Browning. So she can leave sonnets in yr toolbox/or whatever you call the thing archaeologists use to carry their tools in on their way to a dig. She must be gorgeously, gloriously athletic. Like Flo-Jo was in her prime. And she just oughta be rich. Heiress-rich -- like Athina Roussel - granddaughter of Ari Onassis. So she'll appreciate archaeology enuf to fund yr digs & travel w/you when you're working & not care how much $$ you make. She must be an experienced-but-not-habitually-excessive drinker. And a good poker player. She must know how to drive a truck/how to bait a hook/how to shoot a gun/how to change a flat. And how to curse in at least 3 languages. In short -- a dame/in the best sense of the word. Like Sharon Stone. And she must be a brunette -- definitely. Medium-length, slightly wavy hair -- the kind of simple, classic hairstyle that looks good pulled back in a ponytail when she's in the middle of a crater digging for fossils/& great all done up in curls for a dinner date. With brown or grey eyes. And a body like Salma Hayek. She must be an accomplished photographer. So she can capture all yr finds on film when you're out digging. She must play the piano well enuf to walk into any neighborhood bar & bang out a few good torch songs/Casablanca-style. She must have lots of books. On all kinds of subjects. Piles of books all over her bedroom & living rm. & study. Bookshelves up to the ceiling. Rare books & paperbacks. And tons of old issues of Life & Look/becuz they had such great photographs. She must have a sense of humour but be completely incapable of telling a proper joke. Which is why she always laughs at yours -- even the most awful jokes in yr repetoire. She mustn't be older than 28. With 1 great-but- tragic love affair under her belt/so she's a little gun-shy but still searching. And a bit reserved at first -- the type who hangs back at a party & waits to make eye contact w/the one really interesting man in the room. And she doesn't play hard-to-get -- she simply *is* hard-to-get. Becuz she's confident enuf in herself that she doesn't have to fall into bed w/the 1st guy that pays a little attention to her. And becuz she knows the fire that's slow to kindle burns the hottest & the longest. And I suppose she shd know how to cook. Since I suspect you aren't any great shakes in the kitchen. But she shd also know where all the best out-of-the-way restaurants are in every major city on earth. So no matter where yr digs take you/she can find good eats. So.. a shot of Scully/a measure of Hilary Swank/a tablespoonful of E.B. Browning/a scoop of Flo-Jo/a good dose of Sharon Stone/packaging like Salma Hayek/a bank account like an Onassis/and the Zagat-guide from memory -- there you are/the Perfect Girl for you, Sem!

Women like that only exist in novels. If you could find a woman like that, though R.C., well, you should be a pro matchmaker. You read me pretty damn well. actually, I'm only 5'4". Only one more year here in Wisconsin...

fuck Sharon Stone. which i guess you all might want to. she should be like Karen Allen in Raiders of the Lost Ark. like in the first shot of her, drinking all the men under the table? a girl after my own heart, not unlike myself... ha ha

Hm. These are tough qualifications. Good luck fitting them...would it be okay if Sem settled for less for a little while?

If Sem wd settle on ANYONE I'd he happy! Alas/I suspect he's holding out for the Real Right Thang.

Uh, third from top is not me. I am holding out for someone I can have a conversation with, and who listens to similar music. So far, all the women I've met like that in the last five years have been a) under 18 b) lived very far away c) had a boyfriend or d) not attracted to me.

I want to know why all the specifications? There is no woman out there like that. I mean, well, I am smart, and enjoy good conversation, but I don't think I am pretty, so I guess I am not confident. I am one of those girls who leaves the party early so that I don't get rejected. I don't get why guys have this unattainable image in their heads of what the "perfect" woman is. I just want a guy..this is not elaborate...I want a guy who is not dumb, likes good music, looks aren't anything to me(that is not a lie) and a guy who enjoys movies, and walks in the rain for fun,has a sense of humor, and things like that. Not too many things...just a guy who understands me....is that too much to ask?

No. I never really had a list of partner requirements, but recent events have made me decide I'd better have a clear idea of my standards. I would like: someone better (as in virtuous) than I am. Someone who will inspire me to be as good a person as he is. someone who's as much of a social misfit as I am. someone who has this indescribable quality I call stillness. someone who knows just the right amount of space to give me. someone who doesn't want to change me. someone who, as I believe the saying goes, wouldn't take any shit from me. Someone who would never inspire me to insult him. Someone a little hard-assed. someone without vanity. Or materialism. Or possessiveness. someone who appreciates beauty/art in all its forms (except performance art or spoken word "poetry" -- blecch!)...and yet is very rational and has lots of common sense, without being prosaic. someone with whom I can have a conversation with without noticing who's doing most of the talking. someone who I can have the same quality of conversation with after 50 years of marriage as after 2. And high quality conversations, at that. someone who doesn't think that buying me things is the way to show affection. Also, someone who doesn't need to say or hear "I love you." someone who either shares my interests or respects them. someone who would never, ever make a decision that affects me without consulting me first...someone who believes that I and my opinion are valuable. "Some day he'll come along, the man I love...." Ahhhh, sigh.

Whoa, that's one long list! And I did notice my "with whom...with" mistake up there....sorry about that. Okay, one more: someone who has reasonably good grammar -- and can spell -- but is tolerant of others' mistakes.

I would like--someone I like? Very simple qualifications.

my two favorite qualities in any person are Passion and Compassion.

Sigh.

Star, It's obviously not only guys who get the "perfect image" in their heads. After all, R.C. came up with far more qualifications than I could ever make up. One of my female friends once said that she just wants someone who would cater ot her every desire right before she knew she had a particular desire, without realizing (I think) how impossible that is. Although, I think Rhiannon's qualifications for a mte are realistic and attainable. They're pretty much what I would like in a mate as well. Although I think my appreciation of pro wrestling as a form of bulldadaistic art is something that would really test the limits of tolerance in a partner.

i want everything and i'm going to get it

there's a stephen king story about the type of guy your friend wants, sem. I tihnk it's called "I know what you need"; I think it's in the second collection (not "night shift," the next one, the one in which every single story is inferior to every single story in the first).

I like pro wrestling...does that mean there is something wrong with me as a woman?

No, that you solicit reassurance about it from strangers on a message board does...and let's call it as a human, not as a woman. Jeebis, what the fuck is wrong with the goddamned world?

my expectations of the "perfect" person change too often. i bitch and complain because i have no one in my life and then someone who is nice, funny, smart, and absolutely adorable asks me on a date and i don't get "that" feeling. i just want my heart to flutter alot and for him, or possibly her, to walk beside me and not in front of me.

ever hear the song... a peanut setting on a railroad track, his heart was all a flutter. along came a train chugging down the track, "uh-oh!" Peanut butter.

you kill me spider! "someone who has reasonably good grammar -- and can spell --" any and all qualifications you have BEFORE you meet someone will be shattered, forgotten, put aside, reformed and otherwise lost AFTER you meet someone. What you are all missing from your expectations is a human element. These things all sound really good on paper, but you are not factoring your human response. I didn't see tolerance in any of these lists, with the exception of Rhi's grammar clause. No one is wrong for wanting the types of things mentioned however, you have to take into consideration how you might behave once you are in love. Passion ,emotion, lust can take all of these criteria and throw them out the right out the door. talk to me about tolerance and consideration.

Hey, did you not notice that #1 on my list was that he be a good person? Good people -- *truly* good people, not hypocrites -- know all about tolerance, consideration, forgiveness, kindness, etc. And I don't think that my requirements could change. Notice that they're not details: "he has to be brown-eyed." That would be totally stupid. They're bare-bone fundamentals. Because I don't think I could be happy with someone who made decisions without consulting me, or who never talked except to tell me I was wrong, or who always had to have his way. I couldn't be with someone like that. That's how my father is, and I absolutely don't want to be involved with someone like that.

well yes and I was confident that YOU Miss Spider would also value that, your benign nature need not be spelled out word for word. I suppose my point is, once you have found someone, your better half, you will find yourself more accomodating than you originally set out to be. The biggest (and worst) example of this is how many people STAY in abusive realtions, physical or emotional.

Patrick, have you recieved any mail?

nada...will advise

I guess that's why they call it snail mail.

Yeah, really.

should i be on the lookout for something isolde?

Oh, has the zippo gotten there already and I totally missed it?

no, it hasn't thats why i asked.....i wasn't sure if you actually made it to the post office or not...thank you and i will let you know when it arrives....

Patrick, check your email and let me know.

Patrick, check your email and let me know.

"First of all, she must be scientific-brainy. With a droll sense of humor & a razor-sharp wit. Like Scully. Precisely like Scully." check "Not too tall. 5'6" or 5'7". (You're what - 5'10"?)" check "She's gotta have moxie. That unique brand of fearlessness that means nothing will stop her from going after what it is she wants." check "She must have the soul of a poet. Like E.B. Browning. So she can leave sonnets in yr toolbox/or whatever you call the thing archaeologists use to carry their tools in on their way to a dig." check "She must be gorgeously, gloriously athletic. Like Flo-Jo was in her prime." not quite there but was never on my list of priorities. "And she just oughta be rich. Heiress-rich -- like Athina Roussel - granddaughter of Ari Onassis. So she'll appreciate archaeology enuf to fund yr digs & travel w/you when you're working & not care how much $$ you make." Nope! "She must be an experienced-but-not-habitually-excessive drinker." check "And a good poker player." nope "She must know how to drive a truck/how to bait a hook/how to shoot a gun/how to change a flat." check, check, nope, check. "And how to curse in at least 3 languages." check "In short -- a dame/in the best sense of the word." check " Like Sharon Stone. " nope (thank heavens) "And she must be a brunette -- definitely. Medium-length, slightly wavy hair -- the kind of simple, classic hairstyle that looks good pulled back in a ponytail when she's in the middle of a crater digging for fossils/& great all done up in curls for a dinner date." Check "With brown or grey eyes." blue eyes. "And a body like Salma Hayek." She's not Salma, but she's who i want. "She must be an accomplished photographer. So she can capture all yr finds on film when you're out digging." nope "She must play the piano well enuf to walk into any neighborhood bar & bang out a few good torch songs/Casablanca-style." nope (that's sort of annoying anyway) "She must have lots of books. On all kinds of subjects. Piles of books all over her bedroom & living rm. & study. Bookshelves up to the ceiling. Rare books & paperbacks." check "And tons of old issues of Life & Look/becuz they had such great photographs." nope "She must have a sense of humour but be completely incapable of telling a proper joke. Which is why she always laughs at yours -- even the most awful jokes in yr repetoire." check "She mustn't be older than 28. With 1 great-but- tragic love affair under her belt/so she's a little gun-shy but still searching. And a bit reserved at first -- the type who hangs back at a party & waits to make eye contact w/the one really interesting man in the room." check "And she doesn't play hard-to-get -- she simply *is* hard-to-get. Becuz she's confident enuf in herself that she doesn't have to fall into bed w/the 1st guy that pays a little attention to her. And becuz she knows the fire that's slow to kindle burns the hottest & the longest." check "And I suppose she shd know how to cook. Since I suspect you aren't any great shakes in the kitchen. But she shd also know where all the best out-of-the-way restaurants are in every major city on earth. So no matter where yr digs take you/she can find good eats." check How about them apples?

"First of all, she must be scientific-brainy. With a droll sense of humor & a razor-sharp wit. Like Scully. Precisely like Scully." check "Not too tall. 5'6" or 5'7". (You're what - 5'10"?)" check "She's gotta have moxie. That unique brand of fearlessness that means nothing will stop her from going after what it is she wants." check "She must have the soul of a poet. Like E.B. Browning. So she can leave sonnets in yr toolbox/or whatever you call the thing archaeologists use to carry their tools in on their way to a dig." check "She must be gorgeously, gloriously athletic. Like Flo-Jo was in her prime." not quite there but was never on my list of priorities. "And she just oughta be rich. Heiress-rich -- like Athina Roussel - granddaughter of Ari Onassis. So she'll appreciate archaeology enuf to fund yr digs & travel w/you when you're working & not care how much $$ you make." Nope! "She must be an experienced-but-not-habitually-excessive drinker." check "And a good poker player." nope "She must know how to drive a truck/how to bait a hook/how to shoot a gun/how to change a flat." check, check, nope, check. "And how to curse in at least 3 languages." check "In short -- a dame/in the best sense of the word." check " Like Sharon Stone. " nope (thank heavens) "And she must be a brunette -- definitely. Medium-length, slightly wavy hair -- the kind of simple, classic hairstyle that looks good pulled back in a ponytail when she's in the middle of a crater digging for fossils/& great all done up in curls for a dinner date." Check "With brown or grey eyes." blue eyes. "And a body like Salma Hayek." She's not Salma, but she's who i want. "She must be an accomplished photographer. So she can capture all yr finds on film when you're out digging." nope "She must play the piano well enuf to walk into any neighborhood bar & bang out a few good torch songs/Casablanca-style." nope (that's sort of annoying anyway) "She must have lots of books. On all kinds of subjects. Piles of books all over her bedroom & living rm. & study. Bookshelves up to the ceiling. Rare books & paperbacks." check "And tons of old issues of Life & Look/becuz they had such great photographs." nope "She must have a sense of humour but be completely incapable of telling a proper joke. Which is why she always laughs at yours -- even the most awful jokes in yr repetoire." check "She mustn't be older than 28. With 1 great-but- tragic love affair under her belt/so she's a little gun-shy but still searching. And a bit reserved at first -- the type who hangs back at a party & waits to make eye contact w/the one really interesting man in the room." check "And she doesn't play hard-to-get -- she simply *is* hard-to-get. Becuz she's confident enuf in herself that she doesn't have to fall into bed w/the 1st guy that pays a little attention to her. And becuz she knows the fire that's slow to kindle burns the hottest & the longest." check "And I suppose she shd know how to cook. Since I suspect you aren't any great shakes in the kitchen. But she shd also know where all the best out-of-the-way restaurants are in every major city on earth. So no matter where yr digs take you/she can find good eats." check How about them apples?

Check.

crap, it went twice.

I much too neurotic to be a dame, and I am driven by anxiety, not moxie. I also can't cook that well or curse in three languages.

any english speaker who has watched "y tu mama tambien" and "godfather" can curse in three languages.

nope not me can't remember the swearwords nope

http://www.insultmonger.com/swearing/filipino.htm RDRR Masiyado maliit ang susu mo!

Anyone know how to contact Athena Onassis? Thank you Dominic Greco www.plasticthemovie.com

Anyone know how to google bomb?

i do!

fuckin google it.