Well, I kept on trying to ask Dana to go bowling with me and some friends. I call my friend Rose and I find out that Dana has a boyfriend. Drat. Foiled again. So then I stop caring whether Dana says yes or no or anything. In the end, she *said* that she was going to be out of town. I said ok and that was that. At least I never have to see her again. Heavens, that would be embarasssing. Anyway, I've decided to take a break from girls for a while. Oh, say, two or three years. It's not like the women were lining up outside the door anyway.

Hey sweetcheeks your getting a brand new start,go for it!!!

Man, teenage problems are so refreshing and simple. Now I feel nostalgic. Thanks, Crawford. I don't know if you percieve them as such but your reports ae entertaining and a welcome perspective.

That's what I'm shooting for. Crawford, the Voice of Teen Nostalgia. That was not supposed to be sarcasm, although upon reading it, I did find it so. But it's not.

Walk up to Dana's boyfriend and punch him in the mouth. Tell him that if you ever see him with her again that you'll rupture his spleen. Then grab her hand and walk off into the sunset. Make sure to show your sensitive side afterwards. Works every time, especially if he's a big jock-type basketball player or something.

two or three years with no lovin' will make your hand hairy. just avoid relationships. be a slut. i've been being a slut for about a year now. it rules. fuck some bitches and then leave. don't get attached, don't give a shit when they get all pissed cause you won't call. set goals. say i'm going to fuck three different chicks in three days. or four chicks in three days. or two chicks in one night. shit like that. you'll be surprised what you can do. be a slut for those two or three years. don't give up girls, your a man for chrissake!

buy a dog with a big pussy.

What sort of dog do you recommmend Nate? I had gained a fleeting impression that you were more of a goat man.

Oh, Cat...you're our kind of girl.

Go to her boyfriend and ask him to put it in your ass.

woohoo!

I've got a donkey suppository here. That's right, you can stick it in your ass.

Nothing like a bit of bestiality to get people to bond. Crawford, ignore Nate. You're too young for animals. There's plenty of time for that once alcohol, drugs and life's traumas have ruined your complexion and nobody but a dog wants you. Get back in the saddle, mate! Hitch yourself up with another young filly and ride off into the sunset. Then post and tell us all the hot sweaty bits.

What's interesting is that I went to daycare with Tim. (That's his name.) Anyway, we were both comic book nerds, and I remember him getting me up to speed on Wolverine's then-recent troubles (this was 1993 or 1994). I saw him a few years later in the Columbia Photo parking lot. He yelled out my name and ran up to me. We were talking about days since past. Now he's a Limp-Bizkit-listening, wife-beater-wearing, hump-dancing, confidence-spewing heartthrob. I wrote a song about all of this called "Timmy the Geek and the Adamantium Heart." If anyone wants to see it, say so.

I want to read it - but will i need a dictionary? And will you stick it in my ass?

*whinnies*

Stop that Isolde, you're turning me on

LOL!!! Moonit...you are in your cups I bet.Let,s see the song.Isolde,Cat,those poop rockets are not good for you,wax running out your rectum is just not right,not that I would know anything about that.Uh hummm.

Sounds like a good song - great title anyway. 1 month til X-Men...Sign me up for GeekAnon, but I'm really looking forward to this...

holy shit! ya'll make me so proud.

"ya'll" thats my line you no cal hippie!

bah. it's proper english.

"y'all" is proper english. "ya'll" aint shit. no charge.

okay, this is the first time i've bared my soul like this, so . . . "Timmy the Geek and the Adamantium Heart" Well Dana has a boyfriend His name is Tim I went to daycare with him He was a comic book geek A geek just like me We'd sit around and read Wolverine Now he's a Limp Bizkit listening wife beater wearing hump dancing flirty boy Where are you, Timmy the Geek? Where have you gone? took something away from me that was never really mine oh well that's fine it happens all the time I figure it should make an ok emo song. On a completely unrelated note, I went to the doctor today.

looks like timmy has evolved from collecting comic books to chasing ass. you evolve too. want some help? follow mike's 5 tip plan: 1. First of all Rat, you never let on how much you like a girl. "Oh. Debbie. Hi." 2. You always call the shots. "Kiss me. You won't regret it." Now three (3), act like wherever you are, that's the place to be. "Isn't this great?" 4. When ordering food, you find out what she wants, then order for the both of you. It's a classy move. "Now, the lady will have the linguini and white clam sauce, and a Coke with no ice." And five, now this is the most important, Rat. When it comes down to making out, whenever possible, put on side one of Led Zeppelin IV. if that doesn't work, there's always voyuerism/masturbation ala judge rheinhold. that and the bittersweet sensation of sinking into total obscurity.

damn swine, talk about not clusterfucking the kids. 1) he's probably wondering who mike and/or rat is. 2) there's only one side to a CD. 3) (maybe) who the hell is Led Zeppelin? for christsakes, he was in daycare in 1994.

Swines right,females like that the guy they are with is confident. and if that doesn't work,masturbations not bad.

hope you had a hell of a piss arnold.

would love to see swine ordering for my wife Jake- and the lady will have the shrimp tortellini with the red sauce The Girl- wait are those the big shrimp or the little one's and does that sauce have mushrooms? Poor Waiter-they are small sized shrimp however our special today features the large shrimp and yes that has portabella mushrooms in it. Jake-Ok then the LARGE shrimp totellini, and a glass of white..... The Girl-Portebello? Do you have shitake? Waiter- Uhhh no we don't Jake-ok So delete the portabella Waiter-i am sorry sir it's in the sauce The Girl- I think red wine might be better with a heavy shrimp dish. Maybe i should go with the....hmmmmmm...... Jake-(dumbfounded) Waiter-(dumbfounded) Girl-What were your specials again?

I like the sound of Mrs Patrick. Send her down here and we could really mess with waiter's heads. And then we could move on to the chefs, bar staff, and maybe even the lobsters in the tanks. Speaking of food, my date the other night told me I was exactly the height and weight of his wife and she was anorexic. Remind me never to date divorced men again.

I know who Led Zeppelin is. Sheesh. One of the first songs I learned to play was "Stairway to Heaven." And I do own a turntable. Why, just a few hours ago, I was listening to Pink Floyd. On vinyl. (But I don't understand the "Rat" thing.)

Damn, kids still have turntables? Good for you, Crawford.

dude. relax. i can fix your relationship. my old man's a television repairman. he's got the *ultimate* set of tools.

Ahh, that is one movie that I have not seen. Maybe I will someday.

i wouldn't bother. both "fast times" and "stairway to heaven" should probably be dumped into the cultural graveyard and laid to permanent rest. what's "vinyl"?

yup.

My piece of shit movie theatre isn't even promising to bring X-Men to me. Fuck. I don't want to drive four hours just to see a movie...

Mr. Spicoli, why do you shamelessly waste my time like this?

fuck you, you ass.

Crawford, if I wasn't 7,000 miles away, I'd go bowling with you. You're not divorced are you?

Crawford is like 15.

And your point is?

well, he's not likely divorced

vinyl = record, phonograph, grooved vinyl disc made to play sound why do i feel i have just been set up

Is that a rhetorical question?

everything is rhetorical.

Actually, I am sixteen. There was a girl in my Fine Arts Appreciation class who did not know what a turntable was. Come to think of it, that particular girl is one of Dana's best friends. I'm going to my granparents' house. Again. I went last weekend, but I don't care because they are so old that any weekend might their last. Heavens, I am bored.

ok, crawford, here is your premium sex action plan: 1. buy a whole grip of pokemon cards. 2. go up to <girl> and ask "How many of these pokemon cards would it take to get you to let me fuck you in the ass?" 3. give her the cards. 4. adjust her plumbing. give me a call if you need any help with any of this. (530)547-3354. We can three-way call your lady and get her mind straight. YOU WILL GAIN THE GOODS. and i'm not talking about a quart of milk, a loaf of bread and a stick of butter.

Interesting plan of action, Nate. Cat--I think it would be considered illegal for you to marry Crawford. However, I suppose anything is worth a shot... I have a turntable and a CD player. I also have about 400 records to 200 CD's. I like the quality of sound better. Is that peculiar? I can't explain it, but a record in good condition sounds so much better than a CD. Maybe it's just nostalgia.

Yeah, me too, Isolde. A CD is too perfect. With the little imperfections you get on a record, it actually makes it seem more "real." Like the noises you'd get at a live performance or seomthing.

Hey Nate...some guy just tried that move on me yesterday. I told him I don't collect pokemon cards but if he'd buy me and himself a Britney Spears T-Shirt, wear it for a week straight without bathing, I might consider polishing his knob. He just laughed and walked away. They always do that nowadays.

there are certain tunes that just sound better on record.......it's usually the music that makes me decide whether or not to buy vinyl or cd. And sometiems its about availability.

When I got a new stereo set-up,about four years ago,I had to look all over just to find a new one that came with a turn table,finally got a Sony PS-150H,one of the few things on the stereo set-up I can figure out.

I have a helluva time finding needles, though. I have to write this place on he East Coast to get them. Argh. Yeah, maybe it's the imperfections I love so much. I still remember parties with turntables, where whenever people started dancing, the record would skip wildly--I loved that about records. I found a Britney Spears sticker on the floor of the supermarket the other day. I stuck it on the roof of my car.

hey kalli, when you got return my email????/ whatup?

depending on how old your turntable is, i got a new needle directly from Technics/Panasonic recently, you cna order direct from the manufacturer

Mine's a Rotel. I don't actually mind calling the East Coast, it's kind of fun, and it lets them know _someone_ listens to records. Speaking of which, I have to order more soon.

patrick, im a lazy ass. i suppose it's my turn to write huh? and yes, turntables sound so much better than cds. there's something about hearing the music move under a pin that you just don't get with a cd. maybe it's just the romance of it.

it's the technology. cd's are composed of millions of digital samples. a vinyl groove creates one phat analog wave. the record industry will tell you that the human ear can't tell the difference. but they lie.

the record industry is on my shitlist as of late. all this napster crap really bothers me. ESPECIALLY coming from bands like metalliflop and dr dre. i mean, it's just selfishness. i can understand smaller bands who haven't been real sucessful getting kinda pissed about their music being copied to cd and not paid for. but bands like met. have done well. they have more money than i could ever dream of having. it's just another example of how much a good part of humanity deserves to be wiped off this earth. fuck im cranky today.

I never did get restored back on Napster thanks to Ryan,I hope Metallica drops off the face of the earth,ends up in hell and gets it up the ass by demons 24/7.

J: just reinstall it, and re-register. tada! as far as records are concerned, anyone seen untamed heart? well, i got jipped -- baboon body, human heart. But what can ya do. Baboons get neon green acne, on top of the red and blue nose. Freaky. Clearisil burns too. Ok, im done.

reinstalling and re-registering won't work. napster leaves a tag in the registry. what ya need to do is this: 1. Uninstall Napster 2. Delete all Registry keys that have NAPSTER in them. 3. Search for the following key: HKEY_USERS\.DEFAULT\Software\CLASSES\CLSID{CAD8C813-1F34-1B3E-00CEAE43FF0AAD} and make a note of the ID# value. This ID is what lets Napster know a banned computer is trying to log on. 4. Search for this ID# and delete all instance. 5. Install Napster. 6. Create a new login and use a different e-mail address. Don't use the same login ID or you may have to start back at step 1. 7. Only share dirs without Metallica and don't download Metallica. 8. Write Metallica and tell 'em to go fuck themselves that oughtta set your shit straight. if you're not comfortable screwing around in the registry, you're probably gonna want someone who is to help you out. anyway. good luck.

Thanks mistaswine:)

you're welcome, ma'am.

and remember, regedt32 doesn't have a search feature. the reason why metallica and dr. dre are concerned is because only the big bands make money off CD sales. the little bands could give a fuck.

oh, and kalli - i'll buy a britney spears t-shirt and wear it for a week without bathing if you'll wear it after while i'm fucking you in the ass. oh, and send me more of those nakey pics.

nate-- will you sing me all the lyrics off the first backstreet boys album too? i have priorities.

you betcha.

what a crowd pleaser

Oh my.

sweet! i'll bring my box of mango juice and we'll call it a date!

nakey pics? share! share! and i'll show you my ripe red baboon ass in return