I was thinking of some of my favorite quotes from movies, books and songs. then i realized that some of my favorites were said by people i know. "Hey man, if your mom wasn't your mom, would you fuck her?" "I fell in the ditch three times." "Hey, I think that girl over there likes me." "oh yeah, did you talk to her?" "no man. she's with her boyfriend." "ol in a hurry, ol gotta get a move on, ol can't stick around, ol somewhere to go, ol ants in the pants" "ol ain't got no sense, ol didn't see it comin', ol shoulda known better, ol taken for a ride, ol didn't think it through." "no more for me mike" "you guys think we should smoke more pot?"

me go china watch out here comes stinky I just blew off

-Gaaaahhhhhdddddd-damn it! I'm not fucking believing this shit. I'm about to get really fucking pissed here. -Cock-knocker! -Back in Jersey... -hell-O. how can I help? -wanna have a chicken sandwich?

-If you're me and I'm him, then who the hell is he? -The right to keep and bear arms shall not be infringed -Beer is proof that god loves us and wants us to be happy-(said by Ben Franklin!)

The 2nd and 3rd lines sound like they gotta be from Big Lebowski.

"Every time I learn something new, it pushes some old stuff out of my head, like the time I took the home wine-making course and I forgot how to drive." "Homer, you got drunk" Well, that's not from a movie, but it's one of my favorite lines from the Simpsons.

Here's Johnny! I'll buy that for a dollar. I'se got's to get me some of that.

well cut of my legs and call me a lowdown bum hey, he's got a lot of face to wash

"dude. did you guys toilet paper my fucking house last night?" "Deans a dick! a big, hairy one!" "I parked right here! Man, this isn't fucking funny." "what'd i say my name was?"

"who the fuck is henrietta?" "you have to know how to keep the girl. What girls want is uniqueness, make her laugh. Next time you're getting intimate, stop in the middle, jump up on the dresser and start yelling "I am Hawkman! I am Hawkman! Caw! Caw!" She won't cheat on you then man."

-][ELIX-:: where can I find school closings online?- fC- :: http://www.slackassbitches.com

-"Shit. What did I just put my hand in?" -"I love you." -"Wait. If he's wearing her prom dress, what is she wearing?" -"'I'm not harassing him, I'm just staring out the window with binoculars.''Oh, what, _tracking a package_?'" -"But, of course, mine is blue."

"Beer is your friend, drink lots."

"tell her we'll pick her up at six o'clock."

"and one time at band camp..."

sorry

thats so last week dipshit.

"Not now, Della!" "Oh, Mr. Horner....!" "Let her come!" All of these are lines in plays you never saw, but all of them developed a meaning in my life separate from their theatrical context.

-"'When was the last time you did acid?' 'I've never done it.' 'Oh, so probably not a flashback, then.'" -"It's not my butt you should be worried about...*pause*...it's the teeth in my vagina."

"jesus that stinks! smell this" "hey, how you doing Mr. Jensen?" "yeah, i ain't got none either" "let me out this liquor store." "i don't want to be a dick or anything but..... you're gonna have to do something about those feet." "we smoked pot like it was our fucking job" "I'd rather cut my fucking jugular." "christ, that bitch don't know a whole lot does he?"

"gangster computer-god concocted world-wide, living-death frankenstein slavery" - lyric about bill gates

Sweet phrasing...Where is that from Dave? I want to use it in sumpin I'm writing.

"All you ever do around here is eat our food and fuck our mother! Motherfucker! Foodeater!"

bill gates

"Where's the cheesecloth?"

"Do not be afraid Citizen! For I am Kiwi man!" "Dude, if you stare at the ceiling tiles, they turn green." "You're right, they do!" "If a girl isn't down with Boba (Fett), then she can't be down with me."

"Oh, you bite and suck at the same time? (on popsicles)" "'What would happen if we colonized another planet? I mean, we would take it over, right, just like we did the native americans and the celts and the africans, right?''Wait, aren't we all African?'"

"'If Fidel Castro wasn't your brother, you'd fuck him?' 'SHHHHHHH!' 'What, it's not like it matters. We're not in the cold war anymore...'"

"So when was somebody gonna tell me?" "I'm not kidding one fucking bit either." "it's hotter than somebodys ass in here" "it smells like somebodys ass in here" "i feel like somebodys ass" "is that a bull?" "you smell like your house"

"They pms like it's their fucking job"---Jay, 8:53pm 7/23/00 from menstration and pms. I'm still laughing :o)

"I used to think I was indecisive, but now I'm not so sure" "I'm caught off guard that you're still gorgeous when you smell" These are lyrics, so if you badger me, I'll try to remember which bands they are.

For all your adornment, I'd prefer you naked.

Stanley: quick give me 6 pence. George: oh, oh[feeling pockets] ooh, i've only got a million pound note. i decided i would be a genius. the only unbearable thing about life is that nothing is unbearable.

"Do you know what you think?" "I don't think I'm going to say What the Fuck anymore." "There are three sure signs of someone needing espresso: Asking or begging for espresso, denying the need for espresso, or failing to mention espresso in any way." "Puberty, here I come!" "Hi, I've got this dead guy in my truck I've got to stow, and I saw the sign in front of your house that says Dead Honkey Storage, so if you could help me carry him in...."

"Is that like when clowns cry" "My cat likes to poop in the yard"

"Are these...oh, my, they are...are these raw? I think so!" "Well, I would have come over, but the couch...vanished. There is no couch." "'Do you remember the time the glasses appeared in the car?' 'What glasses?' 'You know, the ones in the back seat?' 'No, I don't.' 'Oh, then, they disappeared just like they began?'" "'Is there anything vegetarian here?' 'Well, there's this fish--and the salad is fine. No bacon in that.' 'No, is there anything _vegetarian_?' 'No bacon on the fish...' 'I don't eat fish.' 'Oh, you're a vegetarian?'"

"Nice beaver!", "Why thank you, I just had it stuffed". (from the movie Airplane)

I just thought of another one I like: "Special favour come in 31 flavours We're out of mints, pass the lifesavers I'm dropping hints, candy for candy-coated tongue."

"i thought i left you in sri lan-ka working the desk at the sex hotel"

3-D Jesus by my bedside Huhnt! talks to me when it's late at night We need the Dead Milkmen back together! She said I wouldn't touch you if the last man on earth was my mom. "hey, say 'Got a Match?'" "What for, Ed?" "Just say it!" "Got a Match, Ed?" "Yeah, My face and your Ass! Oh, wait...Huh-huh!" -Ed Muldoon "Dude, i seriously have no memory of busting up the basement of 505..."

"what was the middle thing again?" "lawks a lordy, my bottom's on fire" "I don't make mistakes, I just make predictions that are immediately proved wrong" (Murray Walker)

Funny quotes: "Teleportation must be invented. If we don't invent teleportation, China will throw nuclear bomb everywhere. Especially now everyone can live forever." "If my Eternal Life Device does not give immortality, then the entire bible is a joke." LOL! - http://www.alexchiu.com/

"you believe that happy crappy? shit, i'd piss Coors if I could." "those guys are fags." "You mean i'm supposed to drink this coffee hot?" "he shoulda better fuckin' known better." "Pyle, i bet you're the kind of faggot that would fuck someone up the ass and not have the goddamn common courtesy to give him a reach-around."

think globally. act like a monkey.

“We were somewhere around Barstow on the edge of the desert when the drugs began to take hold. I remember saying something like “I feel a bit lightheaded; maybe you should drive….” And suddenly there was a terrible roar all around us and the sky was full of what looked like huge bats, all swooping and screeching and diving around the car, which was going about a hundred miles an hour with the top down to Las Vegas. And a voice was screaming: “Holy Jesus! What are these goddamn animals?” Then it was quiet again. My attorney had taken his shirt off and was pouring beer on his chest, to facilitate the tanning process. “What the hell are you yelling about?” he muttered..." Dr. Hunter S. Thompson, Jr. Fear and Loathing in Las Vegas

I may have fucked yer missus but I never fucked yer daughter, fa-diddly-ah -Shane MacGowan

you drive and drive and tomorrow night you're still in Texas.

where's the beef?

"Do you know that the price of polo pony feed has gone up again" "Oh, how awful! How can they possibly expect anybody to live..." "What's for dinner, my man?" "Hamburger, sir." "Hamburger? What, again?"

"I wish I could drink like a lady I can take one or two at the most Three and I'm under the table Four and I'm under the host." -Dorothy Parker

Me: "I thought getting him a copy of the Joy of sex, but..." Mutant boy's Girlfriend: "Everyone needs the Joy of Sex." Mutant Boy: "At least once."

A:"Are you freaking out, Man?" M:"no, man, are you?" A:"No, but it seems like you're starting to freak out a bit." M:"I'm not freaking out, dude, are you freaking out?!" A: "Dude, don't freak out about me freaking out." M: " I'm not freaking out man, but are freaking out about me freaking out about you freaking out...wait a minute."(Laughs) A: (laughing)"Dude, I am not freaking out, but you seem to be" M: (laughing) A: (laughing) (later that night) MB: "Hey, A., Man, are you OK?" A: (grinning widely)"Of course I'm not OK! I'm tripping on Aicd man! The whole point is not to be OK! If I wanted to be OK, would I have dropped? Think About it!" (gerneal hilarity ensues in the group) (Earlier that evening) M: "Wait a minute - We already have a Ray here, you can't be Ray too." Ray(2): "Uh huh-huh-huh-heh." M: "I think we should call you Ed." Ed (formerly Ray): "Uh-huh-uh-hehn." M: "Ed Ray." (Later that Evening) A: "Hey, where's MB and J and Ed Ray and Jesus Ray go?" N: "I think they went for a walk down the street." A: "What!? They're balls-out trippin'! And there's cops all over the place!"

I love you A. I haven't heard anyone say balls-out in years (sniffs and wipes away nostalgic tear).