eddie rabbit i love a rainy night and that damned enya

Beef log Beef log is my favorite treat It's a tube of processed meat Beef Log Beef log brings me joy for i'm a happy beef log boy! -Brak

When i flew to wellington the other day i had rubber duckie stuck in my head. Rubber duckie, you're the one You make bathtimes lots of fun Rubber duckie I'll always be fond of you. Damn you Ernie.

cotton. the fabric of our lives. love that fucking song.

David Clayton-Thomas of Blood Sweat & Tears sang on that. Must suck to go from frontman of one of the biggest groups of the 60s & 70s to singing commercials about cotton.

I dig that shit. ...The touch.......the feel........of cotton. .......the fabric of our lives. makes me want to cha cha or mamba or do whatever dance it is that you do with a rose between your teeth. there are some songs that i hate. imagine. Those commercials that try to disguise themselves as real songs. That budweiser song, "This is for the people in my neighborhood, blah blah blah." and the worst one is the one for Service Merchandise with the chick that sounds like Natalie Merchant singing. "No place, no place, like Service Merchandise" sucks.

Does anyone know who sings that song from the Budweiser commercial? ("This is for the people in my neighborhood...") I'd really like to find out.

some hollywood studio musician whom you've probably never heard of, whp is paid to whore out tunes, lyrics and whatnot.

Whoring out tunes? Jingle writing is a job just like anything else. You work at a gay magazine, right? Do you whore out your copy-editing or photography-taking or whatever your job there is?

almost every studio musician i have talked to would like to be doing everything but studio, "whore" work. My work is blocks away from the Musicians Inst......which is like a factory for studio musicians....so I see and make small talk with a lot of these kids. my work here involves little to no creativity...i don't compromise my photography visions for money. i do sales work. i have no sales/distribution visions...so i don't consider my work here a compromise. (sigh) don't mince with me to day chief.

i'm one of those software engineer whores.

I'm just a common whore.

to quote everclear, you make me feel like a whore.

you don't know how often i hear that.

well, talking about asssex all the time would do that. why, do you pay your fiancee?

they all pay. one way or another.

its true......but man is IT worth it. you know though...i actually like the mystery of ass sex. i've never actually put my johnson there before. I've tried but it didnt quite work out and ruined the moment. so, even though i've been invited (a girl will say anything after multiples) I've actually declined.... i just prefer to look at it and think...then actually try. kinda savors the inkling.

everybody pays. one way or another. everybody gets their's. one way or another. most people get there. one way or another. shit. i got mine. and i still gotta pay. one way or another.

I thought I was totally happy being a copy-editing whore. in the interviews they ask you a million times if you actually want to be a writer. I really don't. I don't want to write for retail, anyway. it was the truth and they believed me. I got the job. the other day I was looking at that little social security history thing that the government sends you, and I saw that I had never officially earned more than $20,000 in a year. my biggest year was some time in the early or mid '90s, when I stuck around long enough to pick up $18,000 or something in declared american income. now I earn a real salary and I live in an expensive neighborhood and I like my job and I have a great boyfriend and I have a lot of friends here too. and I'm kind of depressed. but there's no reason for it! I mean, I stop and think, what would I change? I guess I would like more money so I could buy a house or something, I guess. but I have enough money for the things I need. I can even buy $81 tank tops. and get a nice steak or ahi dinner whenever I want. mussels or crab? how about both? I often do this more than once a week. I'm busy at work but I still have enough free time that I wonder what to do. I see now that I was wrong about happiness. I'd had a formula worked out. good job + good romantic interest + good friends = complete happiness. I thought that zero of the three would be awful, one out of the three is livable, two out of the three is pretty good, and three would be just perfect. then I got three. turns out two is the magic number! if you have two, you're left wanting the other. and being left wanting is the best situation.

With all three you have desire for just two. How is that different from having two and desire for all three? You're still left with desire.

because it's natural to want more. I can't make myself want less just so I can want more again. maybe I need to think of a fourth thing for my list. for now I'm thinking of signing up for some weird class or something -- I just want to take my mind off the fact that I'm unhappy because I can't think of anything I want or anything to look forward to.

i think happiness is having a creative outlet. i still get frightened a lot but having my zine lets me take out my feelings in a constructive way. for the first time in my life, i feel in control. i am cabable of making plans and following through. i discussed with my mom this evening about how i'd like to go to greece on an archaeology trip about a year and a half from now and how i'd begun saving for it. i think she was a little impressed, i've never been great at making plans, but suddenly i'm taking charge of my own life and it feels great. there were times in the past that i thought about suicide, but dismissed it because "tomorrow, something might happen. i can feel it." and something always did, as small as a smile or maybe the most beautiful dream...i was unhappy but i had something to hang on to. there's no point to life, but as long as we're here, we might as well have fun.

creative outlets are only happy things if you're inspired. the only thing I seem to be sad about is that I have nothing to be sad about. I'm not angry, just totally calm. I don't even have the fucking northwest rain to complain about. I even got offered a free dio ticket. if I worked a shitty job or was dealing with some sort of harassment or had just been cruelly dumped or wanted someone bad or had no friends or got laid off or needed to lose a bunch of weight, then I would have something to stew about. I could look forward to the day that my situation would change. but what if I feel the situation needs no improvement? it's kind of weird. I don't think I've ever felt this way before.

Happiness is not being unhappy. Don't be unhappy. I ain't shittin' ye.

I feel like an ass typing this, but Cyst, how's your spirituality doing?

cyst, i think you seem a lot happier. i base this on the fact that you've stopped writing about how great you look all the time. that always seemed weird and desperate to me.

i look super today with one of the wife's sweater designs on. all the gay men in the office are swooning over it. It's a nylon cross knit, but the kicker, and the fluffy factor of it, is that the hong kong factory stitched in little square pieces of nylon "confetti" so im wearing a mini shag rug so to speak. the even cooler part is the sleeves go well beyond my palms. you see this is key. All the sweaters that fit me in the mid section are too short in the sleeves. so i m compromise on good fit for another. this fits perfect. and it was an accident, a factory sample for her womens line made too big. she's opting for the unisex angle.

I used to lead a life of noisy desperation. now I have a silly haircut but don't even care. hey, dave and agatha, have you ever met that guy mark from negativland down in oly? I talked to him for like an hour last night at steve fisk's cd release party. at first I thought for sure he was gay, but then it seemed like he was hitting on me and a chick friend of mine. the funny thing was is that I know virtually nothing about negativland, but I had been thinking about them the day before. about how they got sued for stealing that U2 sample (and a name and a cover image or whatever the story was). about how nowadays people use other artists' material liberally all the time but it all seems to be ok. he's a freak but the very best kind. before I figured out he was almost famous, I asked if he knew you, agatha. but he said he wasn't too involved in the local arts community. before I left he offered to give me a guided tour of olympia whenever I want. aww. when kim thayil and krist novoselic (who now looks like a giant andy kaufman) showed up, I ordered a cape cod, my drink of choice in college, and pretended it was still 1992.

i've met him before. we have a lot of mutual friends. he's kind of obnoxious. i love cape cods. with extra lime.