out of all the problems we encounter of life, don't you all think we'd have less of them if people practiced safe sex? or family planning, or whatever you want to call it? good subject for a thread, don't you think?

I've practised safe sex many times but I still need more training to get it right. Practise till you're perfect, I guess.

I've heard you are perfect, cat

You have excellent sources.

i think we should sterilize anyone who makes less than $50K/yr, is deemed ugly or has bad opinions.

I think we should sterilize anyone who owes me money, is likely to in the future, and also those that I owe money to. Did I say "sterilize"? I meant "exterminate."

I wish I'd been sterilized.

it's never too late, J. it just costs more now, considering the progeny removal required.

Whomever invented 'the pill'...good job. That little bugger is great. There's still a, what, 0.1 percent chance of pregnancy, but that ain't bad. Nothin' like a little preventative maintenance. I suppose it may be pesky to have to take it every day, but the benefits seem to outweigh the hassle.

wow semillama, you kind of sound like Nate there. i agree with you both. ugly? bad opinions? i think that anyone who has enough knowledge to have an opinion might be spared. only if they understand what a condom is... ugly is just world-wide Nate. but i definitely understand your reasoning behind it. so does that mean your a pretty boy? just curious..

Damn. Good thing I'm already sterile.

i wish i was shootin blanks, maybe i am, so far so good. the ole pull out method is bound to fail soon enough. the pill messed my wife up. i'd be interested to hear your opinions on the thought of waffles reproducing

". so does that mean your a pretty boy? " so are you saying i have good opinions?

Are You For 86? Yes I am sir! (Consolidated-way too preachy, but "butyric acid" fucking kicks ass!)

Nahh, I was taking a crap one day and after I sat down I forgot I had no reading material, so grabbed for the nearest magazine... AHHH, was my first reaction, it was a teenage girls mag... But I learned something, as long as we males masturbate on a very very regular basis, the little swimmers aren't as potent... And hell drinking a 12 pack of Mt.Dew a day doesn't help the little bastarts either.. (yellow#5)

try the revered headache option... more than birth, it controls lust... but lest i wander condoms are great but always latex i hear that those made from natural/organic substances (lamb or sheep intestines..eeww) allow semen to pass through... latex then, unless you're allergic

Nate on Friday, September 1, 2000 - 09:42 am: i think we should sterilize anyone who makes less than $50K/yr, fuck you, you ass. I'm a poor bitch.

Yeah but you're real purdy Zephyr...you'd get to live on through your genes.

Nate, yes you have good damn opinions. Fuck you, you Ass. i hope your pretty

zephyr, you're like sixteen, so you shouldn't have any money yet anyhow.

Oh. Right. ::smacks self:: Actually, I think I have a whole 2 dollars and 57 some odd cents. In assorted quarters, nickels, dimes, and pennies. thanks, cat, right back at you! Money is really nice to have.

Zephyr's 16? wtf. this is no place for a 16 year old boy. i don't actually think we should sterilze the <$50K'ers. but the ugly.. fuck the ugly, as they say. but first, make sure it won't be a productive fuck.

HA! shut it, nate. Who's to say it isn't? I like it here.

the gay soap opera has resumed! my Stuart has come back to me in all his irish glory.

i'll come all over you in all my irish glory.

aren't you french or carpathian or something?

i'm many things, but not french. fucko.

I was watching a porno recently and this guy just blew the biggest load. we had to rewind it and watch it frame by frame. he pulled out and shot three loads all the way up to the girls face. a couple more made it to her tits and the last was on her belly. six shots! when i bust a nut i'll fire one good money shot that might land in an eye , the rest goes a short distance or just oozes out. this guy has six huge wads of cum fly out of his dick. amazing.

think polish sausage. pig intestines filled with crap. marinated in mustard seed. add liberal dashes of salt, pepper, bullshit and swagger and bake at 250 degrees for two hours. pladow. instant pooblitz.

*vomits*

man, jealousy is ugly.

ooooh. you're so cute when you get all sensitive.

Yea,especially when it rears ITS ugly head!

yo. my head ain't ugly.

condoms? gah. we need a better solution. and if anyone mentions abstinence, that's an 8 point penalty.

i hate condoms, but i really HATE abstinence.

pregnancy is the solution. biologically women are only supposed to have about 50 periods in their life. we should all have thousands of chiddlins.

After years of stuffing around with a multiple of birth control methods, that horrible gut wrenching fear when I'm late, etc etc...I would be sooooo pissed if I found I was infertile. There would be a freakin' nuclear explosion in the doctor's office.

Yeah, there really would be.

Yeah. Swine, 16 tracks finished on your tape, more coming...still waiting for your tape.

Whoah...Deja vue.

Swine, you want a couple R&B/reggae cds? I have a couple extras and I think you'd dig 'em more than anyone else I can think of.

sunday is dub day. i (without question) would dig some rhythm & blues/reggae cd's. i wanna hear some stuff from that band "cry on cue" you often mention. i downloaded some manray19 the other month and kinda liked some of their stuff. keep hooking me up. i'll dig up your meatspace addy and return the favor. zephyr, i've just decided to name your tape "instant pooblitz". i guess i'll have to put some ween on that shit to make it legit... you're in jersey, right? you should get your tape by the end of next week. anyway, i gotta get the hell outta here. this place is rotting my brain.

shit

where?

on you. damnit gee.

manray19 sucked emo ass drips. fuck, i'm falling into bitch mode again. need to sleep it off.

i've got one word for ya, cocksnot: "hellworms". you mail anymore of that wack shit to my address and i'm coming after your ass with a cattleprod and a pair of pliers.

maybe you've forgotten how to use your ears for what they were intended. sure, they also make for good cocksucker handles but let's not get carried away. manray19. total drivel. what's with everyone these days having a number tacked on to their name? damn aol.

COCKSUCKER!!! HAHAHA!!! SUCK THIS!

Easy. You tack a number onto your name after yu get threatened by a lawsuit from the estate of Man Ray. Swine, I don't think I still have your address, send to me and I will have my extra Cry On Cue in the mail next week.

right on. due to scheduling conflicts, dub day has been cancelled. "instant pooblitz" is out. everybody is getting the "devious doze: red hot mavis mix" docta llama, send me your address. you get one too. i'm off to brooklyn to get my rock-star groove on. warm up the limo, lubricate the groupies, alert the paramedics, and fire up the defribillator. it's gonna be a heavy one.

i found blowout comb for $4.25 used last night. yeah!

You really need to listen to the "Three Hours of Power". And we're not talking religion...It's the most popular metal show in Oz. http://www.abc.net.au/triplej/listen.htm It's on from 10pm - 1pm Friday Night, Oz time. So I'm thinking that would make it about 7am - 10am Thursday morning, Sorabji time?

Huzz-fuckin-ah! damn. could somebody record that show for me sometime (i'm going to be at school...)? Tapes are coming along...slowly, but surely. Swine, when you get mine, if you don't like it, return it...I'll make it better.

I think I had the right email address for swine...we'll see, I suppose.

will you make one for me? pleeease?

Who, me?

no, the other person using your name.

Oh, sure thing. send me your address...then prepare to open your mind with neat-o music. And please feel free to return the favour.

ok...here we go. expect an email from the leaf lady. i'll have to get my equipment together and do a moby's flute mix. with a bit of jaw-harp.

ok, mavis. your tapes are done and going into the USPS today.it's kind of a slop-job. i didn't bother fading songs out at the end of the tape. i'll burn you the disks that have those tracks on them if you want 'em badly enough. "devious doze I & II" are actually tapes we put together for doze's art opening the other week. there are a couple tracks that i wouldn't have necessarily included, but doze digs kitschy 70's elevator funk and i was too lazy to edit that shit out last night. so there you have it. "red hot mavis III" is a mix i put together last night at the last minute. it's more reflective of my own current mindstate than anything i would've made with someone else in mind... so you're really not getting the "soulfunkmusic for emotional emancipation" that i promised you earlier. but it's soulful, funky, and i bet you like it anyway.

blindswine thank you so much! music to pack up my house to! music for driving cross country! oh yeah, i didn't mention this here. so, sunday was d-day for jake leaving. at 10 am as our house was having it's last big breakfast together, we got a call from our land lady saying we had 30 days to vacate becuase they are selling the house.so everyone freaked. it was the final boot in my ass to leave portland. so instead of being a super sad mess, i have been a tornado of packing and sorting and recycling and box-collecting. i leave portland on october 9th. sem is flying out to drive with me and hold my hand in the rough spots. i am moving to a historical school building in northern wisconsin. i will have 1,000 sq ft of Lake superior facing studio space and a space to live in as well. i will resume being a tornado monsoon of art and music and swirling spices and sweetness and dancing and fun. last night, i started sorting and packing at about 8pm, i stopped at 3am. got up at 6 for work. ugh i am such a wreck! and wishing i was home doing stuff instead of here. EEEE!!

Wow. That sounds really beautiful! And really nice of Sem to go with you...No one cam ewith me when I moved, it was really stressful and disorienting and wierd. I'm sad you won't be closer me, though...oh well. Good luck!

sem is such a babe of a saint of a human torso attached to a gigantic heart.........

will you be living near him?

yes! 4 hours away (not as far as it seems, we used to drive twice that far to se shows in minneapolis and to buy cds) instead of four days away....

zephyr's email doesn't work. grr.

pez is mad. Mine does, pez!

yes. pez mad. pez want email. pez going to send crazy mad email. someone sane stop pez?

Nah. Mail good.

Shit. Sounds awsome, Mavis. Looks like I missed my chance to meet you though. Dammit Dammit. I really wish I hadn't screwed that up. It sounds like you really need to get back out and do your stuff. You're just the rockin'est person ever for actually doing it. If you come through Missoula, and you have time, you should stop by. It's been raining for many days off and on, so there's no danger of fire. Rock on. Should I hold your box of Stuff That Sucks until you've moved?

dear tbone, we might go through missoula, i am not sure. if so, it will be the 10th or 11th. please send the stuff that sucks to my new house. email me for the address. i vascillate between holding together, and freaking out like crazy. my (ex!ugh) partner left today. i am at work. my house sucks now. i don't want to go home. i don't want to look at the bed. but i have to start packing like mad. ughhhh. i need to give myself a big pep talk.....

I know how you feel, Mavis. Right now I feel very miserable. I couldn't find dinner, so I rooted through the fridge and found an ancient piece of pita bread with hummas and am sitting here chewing thoughfully while trying to type with the non-pita bread occupied hand. Just hang tight. It'll all be over soon.

yeah i know i'll be fine. but it's going to get worse before it gets better. all my other housemates are moving out soon and i will spend my last week here alone in that house.....i need a new plan. thinking of what else to do, focusing on positiv ethings

Mavis, you'll be better than fine. A road trip with Sem...you lucky ducky! Which one of you will be Thelma? And think of all the fun car games you can play!

like "oh fuck are we STILL in montana"? or "what'sa matter officer, never see a wagon full of cats and a lady with flamingo pink hair before"? or "i need some fucking REAL coffee!" i get pretty batty when i'm cooped up in a car. sem and i are great road trip buddies. i cna't believe how much shit i have!

flush it down the toilet and plug it up (teeheehee!). you have pink hair, mavis?

i will by then! pink and blue and like pretty feathers.

ooh! i wanna see!

plus, one bald-ass motherfucker.

Is there still no speed limit in Montana on the highways during the day?

oh yeah! i forgot about that speed limit thing! look the hell out, montana!

I think you two are going to have way too much fun. Note: Smints have just been mailed to all who requested them. But I still have 20 boxes, so don't be shy.

I want some smints

Then give me your address, punko!

thanks for the email, mavis! i have a box of purple hairdye in my room, but my boss wouldn't like it. against company rules.

Pez, you look great the way you are, don't dye your hair

it's tempting, and it's true to my pen name, but i'm not dying my hair right now. at the beginning of summer, i was going to bleach chunks of my hair and dye them a vivid green. but mervyn's doesn't like that. freddy's doesn't like that either, which reminds me: i need to send in the union membership form because i can't remember if i did or not.

I love Mervyn's. I whish they had one here in MO, but alas, only in CA and WA.

and OR. i worked in the mens department. i only remember one really cute guy shopping there. i was staring as i rung him up (i was wearing a walkie talkie and a headset) and locked the cord in the cash register. i had to open the register up again, and for reason i had to write "i got stuck in because i was staring at a guest" not my best hour. the last time i shopped there, my friend nikki was there, and she said that the day after i left katie and eric were making hfun of me for being hyper. the last thing they said to each guest was "thank you for shopping at mervyn's" and they'd pretend to get excited over having the shirt wall clean.

Well, I liked to shop, but it sounds like i would never want to work there

They have them in Arizona too,I briefly worked there,lingerie department,I think I posted once about that.I hated it.

Department stores are terrible places.

there are Mervyn's in the southeast too

i worked a shift in every department except for jewelry and lingerie. i think i was the favored person for doing overtime.

um, yeah. mervyn's is also in michigan, minnesota, illinois, indiana, ohio, and wisconsin. they really aren't in mo?

Warning: Montana does now have a speed limit. It's a big bummer. It's 75. I was losing my mind in Washington. They make me go *60* for miles and miles... They won't really pull you over here unless you're going like 85 or faster. When there wasn't a speed limit, you could go 100 on a nice day. Any faster than that, though, and you were pretty much fried. Then they brought out the big Unsafe Driving fines and a belt. Whack!

75-80 is fast enough for me. i can't play the ukelele while i drive if i go any faster than that......... so, what are the weird and cool places to stop in Montana? anything like craters of the moon or wretched truck stops?

as soon as my hair recovers from being dyed four times in three days, I'll have to bleach the front and dye it bright magenta pink again. I loved that hair. I also thought of blue and pink alternating streaks, mavis, but the upkeep seems like too much trouble.

oh. i usually sleep with the colors in my hair and they last forever that way....like 2 months or so. plus, how else will i impersonate a peacock?

Hmm... There are the mutant trees around Butte. Those are kinda creepy. I need to go out there and snag a small one to put in a pot. They're mushroom-shaped. Crazy trees. You could check out The Pit. That's what put Butte on the map. Biggest man-made hole. Also #1 on the environmental hazard superfund cleanup list. I don't think anyone has figured out what to do with it yet. I should look up when they figure the nastatious water will overflow. I read in the news about how sad people were a while back when a huge flock of geese made the mistake of landing on it. I think they all died. Ummm... Not a lot to see... We can hike to the M when you come... It's not closed anymore. I need to scan some of the Extreme Fire Danger sign pictures... Damn! I'm still at work! Better go home!

do you mean that you sleep with it in your hair while you're dying it? before washing it out? do they stay as vibrant that way, or do they still fade? maybe I'm misunderstanding what you meant. what does your little bottle say?

yes if i use that la riche or manic panic i put a shower cap on and sleep with it in. the colors last a lot longer. i don't pay attention to what the bottle says. WARNING! do not leave regular hair dye on for longer than it says...only punky color, manic panic, and la riche. another tip for color staying power is to apply heat when you put the color in...i had green one time that i had to finally cut away, i couldn't even dye jet black over it!

we lost our mervyn's in atlanta. i didn't realize they were still in business. sniff. we lost our lechmere too. i really miss lechmere. i got the wall of plastic crates there.

I tried manic panic's cotten candy pink and it washed away in less than a week. I use Fudge now. Flamingo Pink. I'm gonna try that next time, Mave. you're a peach. xoxo

what mall do you prefer nelly? Cobb, Phipps, Gwinnett, Lenox? Perimeter? Northlake? I used to live by the ghetto North Dekalb mall, which had a kick ass arcade. shit now that i've listed them there are a lot of damn malls there...christ!

now are these mall malls or strip malls? there's tons of strip malls in gresham, where i work. we even have a couple of 'em here in damascus. with boring, there's three bars, two gas stations, and a video rental place. and then there's clackamas town center, and clackamas promenade-where mervyn's is.

these are malls, big assed malls..... metro atlanta has it's fair share of strip malls, in fact where i grew up, all of the wooded areas have been demolished for half assed, half full strip malls, total waste....but the developers get fat rich and then take off. which brings to me something i was going to mention to Nelly.... Nelly, are you familiar with The Mansion? It's one of the oldest Victorian style mansions in Atlanta.....the family who built it are historic notables in Atlanta, its a 5 star resturant now, and they also have a tons of weddings there, because of the setting. In fact I had mine there. My uncle in his ongoing bitterness with the directions Atlanta has taken politically and socically since he was born there, sent me a newspaper clipping....grumping about how the leaders in town have no class. He's right to a certain extent. Apparently greedy ass developers are trying to get their hands on this hot property (it's between Ponce and North Ave, i forget the cross street, close to the intersection near MaryMacs). Anyway, it's pretty shameful, as the city development board and the greedy developers have their way and set their sights on tearing down another historic and local treasure.......they also recently closed down the Stein Club, as you may know which was also known as a historical landmark considering all the political history it has......MLK, and other civil rights figures gathered there in the 50s, 60s and 70s........anyway, i sent an email to the mayor, the city council, the Developement Board and the AJC.........regarding The Mansion, if you have any interest at all, I recommend you send a letter too.....even though I don't live there anymore, i feel very strongly about the preservation of one of the most culturally rich cities in America. Whats next, the carving on Stone Mountain, the Fox Theater.......