~1:30 am... 2 packs of oatmeal (quaker oats maple and brown sugar) Bowl of Oreo Cereal (handmade flavour) 3:02 am some oj more later, I guess. Much more efficient to eat at this time...don't have the time in the morning.

6:30am 4 slices turkey 1 cup yogurt 1 cup water 1 cup coffee 10am myoplex plus deluxe bar lots of h2O

doritos spicier nacho chips, 1/2 bag. orange juice. i can't wait until the red apples are ripe...they're the best goddamn apples. sweet. crunchy. juicy. yum. i want some cherries.

Um. See the lunch thread, yo.

1 egg + 2 egg whites scrambled with parmesean, bean sprouts, fresh dill. cottage cheese. 1 pumpkin oat bran muffin designed for maximum colon blow. 1/2 piece ny style cheesecake [take-home from a party i went to last night]. blackberries. coffee and tea. supplements.

Sarah, I think it was Patrick who mentioned it a while ago about girls not farting, or at least in his mind, they don't. Well, in my mind, I want to keep the illusion that girls don't "colon blow." Guys do. . Thanks.

sorry. p.s.: i don't fart. *really*

that was my brekkast. i don't believe in cereal (at least not the kinds we have) and we don't have good bread, no eggs. i love healthy food, but junk food is nice to have sometimes.

I got my SMINT today, thank you!

No problem. I've been farting all day, due to undercooked lentils.

god damn it!!!!!

Oh, whoops. Sorry. I've been pretending make farting noises all day, in keeping with the badly cooked lentils I consumed earlier.

oh yeah, i forgot, ladies don't fart...... we just poot little pink hello kitty clouds of magic fairy glitter, scented like plums..... yeah right......i can put most truckers to shame....

man, i hate it when chicks start talking about farting. goddammit, patrick. can't you do something about this?

im trying man, i had this talk a long time ago, i don't know why they refuse to heed the warnings. didn't rollins make it clear on that one record? didn't he make it clear!!!!!????????? girls poot talcum powder!!! no lets talk about nate's ass or something we are comfortable with, ok? thank you wait, i got an idea......hang on

okay i'm done talking about it now.

uhm. who's comfortable with my ass?

btw: making women fart is my primary profession.

i love you nate

aye, but do you love it in the ass? the way to a man's heart is through his stomach; to a woman's, through her ass.

Er...?

c'mon, no need to be shy...

*farts*

*poots a cloud of talcum powder*

Yeah, but I'll betcha girls don't light farts. Now that's a manly pursuit.

oh god, we have sunk to an all time low

hey Sem, do you know if your average CLA supplements have amphetamines in them?

or, do CLA supplements contain something that might have an interaction with amphetamines, like caffiene? just curious. i know you're a former GNC guy.

and I thought this would be a Boring thread! haha, silly me.

No, CLA is just a fatty acid, Conjugated Linoleic Acid. I just ate some in this bar. IF it's just CLA, then no worries. If it's mixed with other stuff, then I don't know. I know that some supplements combine it with caffiene, and Citrus Aurentium (Maybe not correct latin words, but close, which is similar to ephedrine but has much milder side effects (less heart-racing, only stays effective in the body for 4 hours) What's wonderful about CLA is that it seems to really support fat loss, I think the study I saw compared it to a placebo and the placebo actually increased the amount of bodyfat, while CLA reduced it by 20%. Seems contradictory, but studies have born this out. See the latest issue of MuscleMedia for an article on this, as well as an article on Ephedrine. Bear in mind that EAS is just introducing a new fat burner called BetaLean, but also bear in mind that their supplements are top-notch and pretty trustworthy.

what i had for breakfast today a shitty bus ride and some mediocre coffee

Ate one of the dead hitch-hikers in my basement.

I forgot to eat breakfast.

I'll save you a thigh :o)

Sweet.

a sun-dried tomato bagel and a JUMBO SKIM MILK.

A bowl of oatmeal Lots of grape flavoured gum Tap water An oreo

Lonny's got me on EAS Myoplex. supposed to mix and drink 1/2 a packet immediately after i workout. i bought a big box of it, but then i read the ingredients and it has aspartame in it. this is a huge bummer. i don't like to put that crap in my body. i read studies of CLA and mice that said that CLA seemed especially effective in reducing abdominal fat, though i'm not sure how or why that would be. ephedrine is WAY too speedy. the stuff actually makes me sick. i'll have to check the label on my bottle of CLA. each capsule has about 10 fat calories, which for some reason cracks me up. i'm taking fat supplements! ha! HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAH!!!!! oh sorry.

i have leftover ahi steaks that i marinated in blackberry juice and then grilled up. guess i'll eat one of those for breakfast, and some blackberries. melon too maybe.

Aspartame is not as bad as the rumors make it out to be.

i disagree.

i checked the CLA bottle. no amphetamine additives. i highly doubt i'm becoming more sensitive to caffeine, but wouldn't that be nice?

aspartame has been linked to signifgant brain issues.

I finally had breakfast. (5 minutes ago) Walmart brand pizza pocket and 6 peanut butter cookies and diet dew. Dietitians (or dieticians....for the anal retentive) would be just proud of my balanced meal.

Two poppy seed muffins that I made myself.

how are things beav? since the divorce and all?

Well....emotionally devastated. Financially alright. I never thought I would take it this hard. Intellectualy I know it was a destructive relationship, but emotionally I want her/it back Is that fucked up? Or not?

no its not fucked up.... are the lil ones with you? are they good? its good to hear that finacially you are alright, at least you can work on moving forward, not worring about such things...... do you think you want HER back, or is it just the dependency you have built over the years....in which case you just want someone to fill that void.... hang in there pal!

I have the kids, the house etc... "do you think you want HER back" I don't know, but the idea of starting over (at 37) dating and the bullshit that goes with it...AARRGGGGG!!!

Patrick, If you can take an email at this time, let me know. I don't want to cause you any trouble if you are at work now. Send it to the above address.

It's not fucked up at all to feel that way. These things hurt, no matter how much we try to make them not to, and no matter how messy they are to begin with. In fact, they hurt more when they're messy. Be well.

Thanks. It hasn't been my year:o{

Sometimes that happens. And it sucks. And sometimes there's not a lot we can do about it, other than know that not _every_ year can be like this...

Fb, I'm 37 and I started all over a couple of years ago -- it's actually kind of fun once you weed out the detritus, and just think, you'll get to see many new real live women naked again.

Aw fuck.....now I have to go look up "detritus" OK, I just checked Webster's 9th Collegiate Dictionary, and I'll be dipped in shit! There's my x's picture. I do have my eyes on a lady I've worked with.(she's a nurse also) I remember going to an out of state conference with her and she stated, 'I wish you weren't married' The funny part is my daughter plays at her house and came home stating, 'I want a mom like _______' Play the Brady Bunch theme music now.........:o)

thats spooky good luck with it all, oh fetid one

hey beav, hang in there. i'm starting to think the CLA supplement i take has amphetamines in it, or at least contains some kind of an appetite supressant. it's not labeled as such, but these types of supplements are not regulated by the FDA, so who the fuck knows what is in them. the aspartame thing is troubling me. i don't want to take back the box of myoplex, but consuming aspartame is so incredibly scary. that shit is really bad news. actually, i should take it back. i wonder why they couldn't just use sugar? or alcohol sugars? fuck.

Guys, guys. You've fallen prey to a big internet scare/hoax. It's like my brother's friend who told me he was never going out to the bar again because he didn't want his kidney stolen. I could try to explain why the aspartame scare is pretty well unfounded in science, but others do a much better job. Please read the following links: Aspartame Truth The Multiple Sclerosis Facts page and this last one will be especially appreciated by Gee.

Halloween Menu: APPETIZERS Mozzarella Fingers $2.50 Perk your appetite with these scrumptiously breaded, knife-severed digits. Served with our virgin's blood marinara sauce. Potato Picker Skins $2.75 Picked from the finest of Idaho stock, the pickers are skinned, baked and garnished with sour cream, rapscallions and urchins. Split Bea Soup Bowl $2.05 Old Aunt Bea would be proud, except that she went into the making of this soup. A perfect dish for oral expulsion during demonic possession. Chick Quesadillas $2.99 Only the ripest California chicks become part of these South-of-the-border delights. Chopped & seasoned with spicy green salsa, then wrapped in a warm flour tortilla and served with sour cream. ENTREES Midwest Pot-Belly Roast $10.95 A hearty 16 oz. slice of redneck flank, pre-marinated in beer and liberally garnished with hallucinogenic mushrooms. Served with a side of Sarco Fuggus' Special Sauce. Chicken n' Rib Combo $9.95 For those with a taste almost for the normal. Fried chicken with half a rack of whomever we could nail with a cleaver. Sarco's Family Pizza $7.50 Maybe not the entire family goes into this Italian delight, but enough to give you a wide choice of toppings. Ask your server for today's special. Lucifer's Fire Chili $4.95 Old Lucy has really cooked up a tasty, tongue-blasting batch of super-carnivorous chili, maybe even with some beef. Water recommended! Jehovah's Witness Jambalaya Sarco's is not immune to friendly visitors sharing their faith. Rather than be saved, however, we save them. Every tasty bit except the pamphlets. Accentuating the non-spicy devout stock is an array of cayenne-kissed shrimp, chicken, rice and peppers. A down-South delight! A note from Sarco: This dish is not available every day; however, when ingredients arrive at our door, Sarco's will serve it to you for only $2.99!! Republican Rump Roast $11.95 Every now and then, a valiantly tenacious right-wing group tries to shut us down because of some health or moral issue; they say we violate decent family values. But with this hearty portion of well-fed rump roast and baked potato, we think you'll side with Sarco. We believe in service with a smile, quality, and good hearty meat n' potatoes. What could be more American than that? For the discerning undead palate, Sarco's is proud to carry the finest in blood vintages. Try our selection of Baby Boomer vitae, or sample from our Teen Tray. Any way you puncture it, Sarco's is your 24-hour vampiric paradise! (Not responsible for entrees' previous medical history. Dine at your own risk.) Down-Home Style Farmer's Daughter Fresh and naive! $6.95/pint Beverly Hills Blue-Vein Special A sophisticated entree. $10.95/pint Sweet Soul Sister A fine-ass fresh taste! $7.50/pint Intoxicated Club-goer Always in stock! $4.35/pint Foreign Exchange Student Lovely European flavor. $9.95/pint College Football Player Strong and hearty. $5.50/pint Dead Celebrity Vintage This week: Alfred Hitchcock! $95.00/shot Ask about our International Selection du jour!

wow, thanks sem. i just heard the report on the radio the other week. Oddly enough.

Breakfast: 20 oz Americano w/cream (still working on it) and a strawberry pop-tart

3.5 oz ahi steak. 1/2 cup cottage cheese. couple spoonfulls of salmon and lentil salad. 1 1.5" slice chocolate pound cake. 1 1" slice orange / peanut butter bread, warmed up. 2 cups coffee with milk, 1 cup tazo chai tea. i rode my bike to work today. we celebrate World Car Free Day a day early here. after work: Critical Mass! fun!

artificial food additives may or may not be dangerous to your health, but how can they be *good* for you? if you're going to sweeten your food, how could artificial sugar be preferred to real sugar? even diabetics did just fine (relatively speaking) before NutraSweet and that other artificial sweetener that was supposedly safe for human consumption but then turned out to be carcinogenic... ahem.

And which sweetener would that be? Are you saying diabetics don't need to worry about sugar? All I'm saying is that the issue of aspartame got blown way out of proportion. You don't overdo it, you're probably fine. If you're going to worry about aspartame, maybe you should never go out in the sun with out sunblock and long sleeve shirts, never eat anything grilled or fried, Only drink filtered water and nothing else, and stuff your face with vegetables. And never use cell phones (probably a good idea anyway). And stay the hell away from Colorado Springs. MAYBE you won't get cancer. Maybe. My point about aspartame is that there are not any good data on truly positive results in testing for extreme adverse effects. When there is, then I will agree that aspartame is very bad and should be avoided. but consider: If the FDA was REALY in cahoots with Monsanto, why even put the warning about phenylketenouria on foods containing aspartame? Why only one warning and not others? If big tobacco has to put labels saying "This Product May Cause Cancer" How does Monsanto get away with it if aspartame is truly a carcinogen? Sarah: I just found an EAS product that doesn't contain aspartame if you are really worried. It doesn't have as much protein as myoplex, but if you are only drinking half servings, this might work better. It's called AdvantEDGE, and I found mine at the local Wal Mart. From what I read, i think it could even qualify as vegan.

you guys are nuts

critical mass sucks my ass. fucking bunch of asshole fucks.

i too think they are a bunch of crackpots. the idea of cycling rather than driving is fine...but they come off as arrogant. i find it funny they demand respect and that we yield to them yet cyclists brake more traffic laws than most auto drivers.....how many cyclists do you see run stop signs? how many bikers do you see on the wrong side of the road, the sidewalk? furthermore i'd like to make it know that pedestrians are assholes too. they way i see it, it's a lot easier for a human or a cyclist to brake on a dime, than it is for 2000lb car. This pedestrian right away crap must go too......if an asshole trys to cross the street when the sign clearly says don't walk i say he/she is fair game for becoming pavement pizza.

Oh, I agree with that. I liked the initial sentiment of critical mass, watching them get arrested on a dark la street corner, and I think they made some good points. But stupid pedestrains and cyclists should be fair game, like in Ireland, where there are no laws governing when you cross--and it's legal to hit pedestrains if they're in your way.

Critical mass is a wonderful fucking idea. They're getting healthy, and they AREN'T IN CARS. CARS = BAD. Sure, it's dumb if they just throw themselves in front of you; but once you stop to think about how awful our current transportation paradigm is, it's really hard (at least in my eyes) to not be incredibly fond of the cyclists of the world. The L.A. critical mass that I saw was lame, though. Anyhow. Cyclists of the world, unite! Destroy the infidels and their internal combustion engines! DESTROY!

Indeed. Um, I don't think either should rule the world. There's a time and a place for cars, and a time and a place for cycles. It would be awesome if we could totally convert our cities into pedestrain/bicycle/public transit, but sometimes that's impossible. Big shit needs to be carried and bad weather on art portfolios sucks. I can't imagine going everywhere on bicycle, though. It would suck. I walk everywhere, but that's because a. I don't have a car. b. work and supermarkets and stuff are all within walking distance of my house. If I had to rely on public transit, I'd be fucked, since there is none. And the closest place that I'd want to go...would be best by car. Especially in Vermont. It gets chilly at night now.

to think automobiles are going away is foolish. a more reasonable solution is automobile that runs on electricity or someother cleaner, safer fuels, like solar power. hell maybe we could feed our cars undercooked lentils and harness that "energy" just because they are getting healthy doesn't give them a right to shut/blockade a city. I was in San Fran a few years ago when they "protested". It shut the city down basically, stranded people, caused blood pressures to rise (how healthy is that), prevented people from getting home to their families, and created one giant traffic jam. How sensible is that? how much extra pollution did those cars and trucks stuck in traffic release? If it wasn't for internal combustiable engines, isolde may not have a job, we would pay 10 times as much for postage and virtually every good imaginable would be 10 times as costly. by the way, speaking of San Fran politics.... go here tom and read this weeks feature story http://www.newtimesla.com it's about the war between San fran and LA, through a painters eyes

saccharine. no. but they don't necessarily require artificial sweeteners. "If you're going to worry about aspartame, maybe you should never go out in the sun with out sunblock and long sleeve shirts, never eat anything grilled or fried, Only drink filtered water and nothing else, and stuff your face with vegetables. And never use cell phones (probably a good idea anyway). And stay the hell away from Colorado Springs." i never did like this kind of reasoning. it's like telling an ecologist who rides her bike to work every morning that she's a hyppocrite (martin's favorite epithet) because she uses electricty or drives her car on the weekends. it's as if latter actions somehow negate the good that is done by riding her bike, or otherwise doing what she can and what is reasonable to accommodate her lifestyle and still be doing her part to help. that's how i see it. i can choose to eat as healthy as possible to avoid getting cancer and other diseases, and i can make reasonable choices about processed foods and additives that i ingest or don't ingest, but unfortunately i'm going to have to drink tap water now and then, and i'm going to come into contact with exhaust. but that shouldn't somehow negate the importance of the decisions i make about the substances i can and want to control. also, i'm not saying aspartame *is* a carcinogen. only that it's artificial and i don't feel comfortable ingesting it. i think it has the capacity to be a dangerous substance, health-wise. oh, and thanks. i'll check out AdvantEDGE and ask Lonny about it.

what's wrong with critical mass? i think it's kinda fun.

oh, i see. it's their vigilance and arrogance. of course. it's like PETA people. the message is obscured because people can't see past what appears to be "extremism". [this coming from a boastful meat eater!] well, for the record, there ain't nuthin' in hawaii that is extremist. we just want to ride our bikes. we're not into getting arrested.

i have no choice but to drive my car to work. public transportation is possible, but would take an additional 2 hours+ both ways (not feasable.) critical mass is a bunch of assholes not because of their arrogance, but their blatant stupidity. in SF they stop rush hour traffic. at the least this increases air pollution. at the worst it blocks the progression of emergency vehicles and causes loss of life. it is crazy. what right do these people have to fuck with the homeward travel of so many people, many of which have no choice but to take their car to work because of the distance you must commute in order to find affordable housing.

right on ! (doing the henry ford hand jive)

right on ! (doing the henry ford hand jive)

uh. how'd you know i drive a ford?

hell if i know, i own a honda

my last car was built by honda.

If what I say now doesn't jive with my other post, it means I've changed my mind. If they want to protest and ride bikes and make petrol-powered car-owners feel (rightfully) like the environment destroyers that they are, more power to 'em. If Nate and Patrick want to shoot them for getting in the way, then more power to Nate and Patrick.

Indeed. I want a car that runs on vegetable oil. Fuck that. I want a car.

Fuck cars. I want a (completely environmentally friendly) hovercraft.

Oh! I found out about the weather this morning--there was a tornado in new york, and there are no mountains between us and new york, so...yeah. I went outside in an almost tornado! Along with the entire town of Bennington! I always wanted to die in my skivvies!

my truck drinks ethynol. however it is spelled. because of the big ass corn lobby.

if you people walked all the time like i do, you would feel differently about being a pedestrian than you do now. if only i could express how many times i have almost gotten hit by cars when i am crossing at a walk sign. this woman almost hit me and cleo the other day, and then looked at me like she was all pissed. i had the fucking right of way! it's all so unfair!

Oh, I hate it when people run stop signs and stuff. They used to do it all the time back home. And, if you will note, I do walk everywhere right now, since I have no car. IT's terrible and not fun to have to deal with. and in places, it's damn dangerous to be a pedestrian. I think both sides need to be more aware, that's all there is to it.

give everybody guns and repeal the murder laws. see how fucking careful people are then.

i agree with agatha on pedestrians. but that is a question of too many assholes, and has nothing to do with my driving.

well sure agatha, i didn't say anything about pedestrians who OBEY the walk signs.....i was only talking about ones who cross where and when ever they feel like and expect us to stop on a dime because their sorry ass didn't feel like walking an extra hundred yards to the cross walk and waiting for the light. In residential areas, i believe pedestrians have more of a right away than in a business district.....but in a residential area, technically a car should never be going over 35, either. I won't argue with the fact that many drivers are assholes, believe me, i drive enough in this damn town to know that for fact......for the record, i have never hit any pedestrian and have only got into 1 5mph fender bender in bumper to bumper traffic. I am adament about defensive, smart, safe driving......

The trick on crossing the street on foot in NYC is not to look at the driver in the eyes. Once you do, he's got you and he knows that you see him. If you just keep him in peripheral vision, he'll stop for you.

i was downtown a couple of days ago to go to the municipal court building (tickets). i waited at a curb, the light turned green, the sign said walk. i crossed the street in front of a big suv. as i passed in front of it, it lurched forward right at me. i think it was going to stop anyway, but i banged on the front grill as loudly as i could; the thing was against my shoulder when it stopped. i went ahead and looked back at the driver, he looked surprised and angry. i'm pretty sure he didn't know i was there, those suv's are so high of the ground that i was below his field of vision.

there's an issue for you Tom, destory SUVs and hurl their egotisitcal to the lions.

insert "drivers" in there

You can thank SUV's for higher gas prices also. Anybody who was around in the seventies can remember OPEC + big vehicles with poor mileage = higher fuel demands = OPEC cranking up prices and curtailing production = demand for fuel efficient vehicles = lower fuel demands = OPEC dropping prices. And now here we are full circle again. You know what they say, "Those who don't learn from history are.............

...those who don't learn from history." What was the question again?

...doomed to be Dougie-fied and thrown to the lions, along with egotistical SUV drivers." Dougie sent me a font, though. hard to beat that. Then again, it was Truetype. Right, then. lions it is.

I actually found myself agreeing with Bush of all people, when he sadi that the strategic oil reserve shouldn't be tapped. I strongly disagree with his alteranive, which is opening up the preseves in ALsaka to Big Oil. Fucker. I hope he gets hit by an SUV.

sam here...gore goofed on that one, i believe they have a "piggy bank" set aside for this, from a few winters ago, for the northeast subsidys with heating oil.

leftover beef and tequilla stew* (wtf, it's friday, and i have more ass whoopin to do), the last of the glazed peanut butter bread, 2 cups of coffee. Droopy, this one's for you. * Beef and Tequilla Stew * 2 lbs. lean beef, cubed * 2-3 tbs. canola or olive oil * 1 onion * 1/3 c tequila * 3/4 c tomato juice, or V8 * 1/4 cup fresh cilantro, chopped * 1 15 oz can black beans and/or dark red kidney beans * 2 tomatoes, diced * 1 15oz can stewed tomatoes * 1-2 red chili peppers, minced or chopped * 4 cloves garlic, minced or pressed * salt, pepper, oregeno * 1 cup cup celery, chopped * 1/2 green bell pepper, chopped In a large skillet, saute the beef and onion in the oil and worsteshire until onions are soft and the beef is browned on the outside, but not cooked through. Drain. Put the beef and onions in a pot. Add tequilla, tomato juice, cilantro, beans, tomatoes, chili peppers, spices, and garlic to the beef and onions. Cover the pot and bring it to a low boil. Reduce to medium-low heat promptly, and simmer it for about 10-15 minutes, but don't overcook it. Add the green pepper and celery. Simmer for another 5 minutes. Serve hot. Yeah.

I feel like I'm the only one who remembers gas lines and OPEC and stuff. I called the GAS MAN the other day and they'll come to your house and wrap your hot water heater and show you how to insulate all for free to help you conserve energy. Lots of people don't even know they have that service. It's free and it's nationwide! He told me Jimmy Carter made it a law that public utilities must have a energy saving outreach. Damn, I love that Carter- man

that stew sounds excellent, sarah. i've got a recipe for hungarian tomato vodka soup somewhere. you know what i've been hankerin' for lately? menudo. the soup. you can actually buy it in cans down here. i've had it once, freshly made. it must be good for you - one spoonful and you can hear the toxins run from your body screaming.

mmm menudo. you can get it in cans here, too. hangover cure #1.,

never had it, what is menudo exactly

as far as the gas thing goes, I'm proud to say I drive a tiny diesel rabbit that gets 45 or so miles to the gallon in-town. We occasionally get a critical mass thing here in missoula. Here it's different. You seriously CAN bike across town in half an hour if you're in shape. There are trails designed just for that purpose, and it's a beautiful ride along the river. I was so amazed when i moved here from Billings. In Billings, regardless of laws, cars take right-of-way over peds. Billiweenies apparently can't see bikers. Works out for me alright, though. As long as the cars are nice and predictable, I do fine in traffic. It's when they see me coming and freak, that things get hairy. In Missoula, they stop for you. It was so new to me. I wanted to cross the street far away from a crosswalk, right in the middle of the block, and the car stopped for me and the driver smiled. Took some getting used to. Missoula has bike lanes everywhere. They even have the arrows if that particular bike lane can only turn right or whatever. It's cool. Missoula has more bikes than people. Every year the bike shops come together and spread all their old bike parts that would have been tossed (but still work) all over a park and people can come and assemble a bike. You can make one for yourself (people make some CRAZY bikes there) or you can make one to donate to the GreenBikes program (free-to-use green bikes all over town). You get to paint it green (and add a design and name it) yourself. I'm totally for reminding people that all the bikers are there... I wanted to throttle the guy who hit my s/o. Beat him to death with the her bent fork. Her light was green, she had a bike light and a flasher. He took a turn right into her. I don't think it was an SUV, but it was one of those big trucks that never sees anything but asphalt. We're still waiting for her bike to get fixed. All the bike places have more business than they can handle. Oh, and artificial sweeteners... They are requred for some small things, like little bitty mints and stuff. It's many, many times more sweet per oz than sugar. Some of those mints would have to be way bigger if they had sugar to counteract the bitterness of some of the ingredients. Penguin (caffienated) mints are one example. Caffeine is way bitter on its own. Anyway, that's what I've heard... Forgive me for being behind on the subject matter. I've been lagging behind.

TBone, do you know Andrea Harsell? (hey, ya never know...)

patrick - menudo is sort of the haggis of mexico. as far i know, it's a soup of tripe, pigs feet, or just about any combination of the leftovers of a carcass. i think "menudo" actually means "guts." even here in texas, it's always been something that only brave gringos dared try (you know, real men like nate and me). the thing that makes it better than haggis is that it's muy fucking caliente (at least the stuff i had was) - clears your mind.

my great uncle was killed in a hit-and-run. i'd not drive, but there's no public transportation for five miles and my bike is broken. it takes me about ten days to use half a tank. and that's if i'm doing many many trips to school and work and dropping my sis off at her school etc. i like my little brown pontiac. it has sass.

droop, i would love that tomato soup recipe, if you get a chance. sounds yum. also, have you guys seen this? http://www.rubberburner.com/ rock on.

menudo means "fractional" or "partly". though "a menudo" means "often." that's weird, now that I think about it. I love the "green bike" thing. for a year or two, we had "yellow bikes" in Chico, but they kept getting stolen. People are dumb like that. 'specially in the north valley.

Dinner Lady is absolutely correct on the energy deal. I have had our local ultility co. come out to two different houses now and THEY wrapped my water heater, pipes etc. They also checked the whole house, gave a bunch of freebies....like those fluorescent bulbs. (they cost between $12-$28 depending which you get) They also give you a coupon that pays for 80% of insulation cost and 60% of the labor costs, if you follow their plan. It's about the only "free lunch" in the U.S.

Yup. I visited me first dollar store today. Yay. Funness. It was great. Now I have all kinds of cool random stuff.

Wow,I have ate menudo,holy shit,I'm a real man.Laugh all you want buttermilk kills a hangover.

tom, you live in chico? one of my favorite authors/poets lives there. susan goldsmith woolridge. do you know her?

you're a better man than nate and me put together, j. i shoulda bought me a can of menudo last night when i bought all that booze. what's the spanish word for hungover? tom - i looked up "menudo" over at babel fish and it said "slight". i like your answer better. but it must be that scallion spanish 'cause i swear to you that in some idiomatic way, as noun, in mexico, during a full moon, after mucho tequila and much holy dirt from sanctuario de las esquipulas...it means "intestines." or not. but i swear i was told that on some kind of reliable authority. fractionally, fractions, parts, bits and pieces, pieces of animal, guts. maybe. but i didn't come here to talk about that. for sarah: hungarian tomato vodka soup. *2 tablespoons freshly rendered lard *6 cloves garlic, peeled and crushed *2 medium yellow onions, peeled and chopped *15 large, very ripe tomatoes, cored and chopped. (about 18 cups. it now occurs to me that i should've halved this recipe, but i don't feel like doing simple math.) *4 tablespoons hungarian paprika *4 cups chicken stock *6 tablespoons sour cream *4 tablespoons all-purpose flour salt and freshly ground black pepper to taste 3/4 cup vodka (or to taste.) in a 10- to 12- quart pot, heat the lard and add the garlic and onion. saute until the onion is clear. add the tomatoes and the paprika, bring to a heavy simmer, turn down the heat, cover, and simmer for 15 minutes. add the chicken stock, cover, and simmer for 45 minutes. strain the soup into another pot and force through a sieve. discard the solids (or don't, if you're into solids). return the soup to a simmer. in a small bowl combine the sour cream and the flour, mixing thoroughly. whip this mixture into the soup untill it's smooth and lump free. simmer uncovered for 15 minutes to reduce and thicken a bit. add the salt and pepper. when ready to serve, add the vodka and serve immediately.

Can mething be used to replace the lard? Because I can certainly modify the other ingerdiants to be vegan, but I don't know what I'd do with the lard.

i have no idea what mething is. lard seems to be an important ingredient to the hungarians, and i'm a great believer in it. y'all are going to have to figure out the substitutions.

Um...anything, rather. I need to go back to bed. Too bad I have dinner.

Took 3 no-doz yesterday cos I was kinda pissed and had nothing else to do but amplify that with stimulant abuse and channel it all into music. By the time the music got good, I wasn't pissed anymore. Oh well. Kept me up til 7, whereupon I had some frosted generic toasted oat loops.

I think the spanish word for hangover is resaca,but I'm not sure Droopy,and thanks:)

thanks droopy, sounds really yummy! i'm going to stop by the market on the way home from the gym tomorrow morning and get tomatoes. i already have the rest of the ingredients, including chicken stock, which i've kept frozen. oh, i don't have fresh lard, but i could probably find a good substitute. btw, last night i experienced a moment that i'd like to live over and over again. but i'm so tired i can't even type about it. it's barely past midnight. i'm such a square.

ahhh experiencing moments I'd like to live over and over.... three eggs, sauteed in garlic PAM and coarse pepper, two slices stone ground whole wheat with salted butter and strawberry preserves, chocolate almond decaf... shall no doubt experience the cholesterol over and over again... Droop, menudo around here comes in a jar and it's brown, fermented meat parts or bean parts or something. Suggest skipping the cooking of the tomatoes etc and go directly to the last line of the recipe for tomato vodka soup, pour, stir, and drink. Hell with the tomatoes. vodka goes good with any vegatable. Have one for me.

i've made that soup with butter instead of lard. i'm sure you could use just about any oil for the saute. i honestly thought "mething" was some kind of bizarre vegan substance. thanks for the email card this morning, j. it was a nice surprise. i'm going to have leftover anchovie pizza and coca-cola for breakfast.

When my clients talk about "mething," they mean they were using methamphetamine. Probably would make a good substitute for lard. Or at least would make you not care.

*laughs* The following song lyrics strangely come to bear on many of the topics on this board: Lard You can see it In the clouds upin the sky Lard Floats by in clusters in our water supply lard it's all of us, man In our pores and in our hair Lard's What we conceal with these corny clothes we wear Lard is all Lard is Divine Lard is control Lard whips and chains our soul Lard-We carry credit cards Lard-We live in fear of art Lard is the -OM Lard is revolution Lard is teh tapeworm in the bottle of cheap tequila That comes alive at night and sneaks up and bites your nipple Lard Lard Nowadays, most of us need someone to run our personal life Someone to see that The plants arewatered, Someone to make sure the place is clean, Someone to make sure dinner is waiting. Someone to call for theatre tickets, Someone to make up those cheap excuses What we need is... Lard-the answer lard-the dancer lard-the ointment Lard-the dream Absorb it Inflame it Respect it Molest it The country right now just wants to be Soothed, and told it doesn't have to pay or Sacrifice or learn No one is over the hill When the mountain comes to Mohammed Lard lard Lard Lard-We love to eat Lard-We love to pray Lard-Mold over mind Lard-Hooray! Everytime I take a crap It's a cosmic experience Religion and chemicals are the key to the future Next time we have sex Just pretend that I'm Ed Meese the weasels have it down, man It's a whole new age Lard Which would you prefer, a computer or a gun? The sharks outlived the dinosaurs, you know Pity the poor trainer In the stable when the racehorse farts Poison oak really is the aphrodisiac of the gods When people are asleep We must all become alarm clocks Hey, man Life is my college It's dental floss of the mind Who will babysit the babysitters? Ever here about that guy in New York whose dick fell off in the bath after he shot it full of coke? It's ok to run out of butter in Zambia Just smear squashed caterpillars on your toast Waiter, there's a terrorist in my soup Which came first - Max headroom or Gerald ford? Are you a man or are you a mouse? If you love your fun-Die for it! And feel THE POWER of Lard THE POWER of Lard THE POWER of Lard THE POWER of Lard

I was tired, sheesh!

i ran into Michael friday night. or rather, he ran into me. it is nearly one year since the beginning of that whole episode, and it was the first time we laid eyes on each other since... january? february? mmm. i wonder how long he looked at me after he saw me, how long he debated what to say... i wonder why he approached and engaged me, rather than walking away. i would never have known. the look on his face as he walked toward me and we made eye contact will be burned forever into my memory. he actually hugged me and kissed me. he said, "You know, you look really great." i was wearing cut-off jeans and a plain white v-neck shirt and glasses. my hair was probably a little tangled. but i didn't even care what he thought. i didn't care how my body or my being appeared to him. i didn't feel proud or haughty or righteous, when this situation easily could have lent itself to my smug satisfaction. but it wasn't him. at that instant he was simply a character in a story, a benchmark, a mirror of one whole year of my life. fuckin' a. i am the same person i was one year ago with the same brain, same skin, same feelings, same outlook. but to everyone else i am someone different. yeah, my life has changed and i am different, but i am still the same human being i was a year ago. "you look older," i wanted to reply. instead i just said thanks. inappropriately, awkwardly, he hugged me again. it felt like i was the only one recognizing the reality of the situation, but he wanted me to play along with his interpretation. i'm surprised we didn't run into each other sooner. later that night, after i was home and getting ready for bed, i had the feeling in the pit of my stomach that he was going to call me in the middle of the night, drunk, and say something stupid. thankfully he didn't. this morning for breakfast i had a chicken breast, a cup of fresh cantelope, some cottage cheese, two peanut butter oatmeal chocolate chip cookies that i had baked saturday for a party, and one of those cheese and dill scones i made a while back, toasted, with a thick slab of mozerella on top. for lunch i had more chicken, some veggie and feta salad, another cookie, and half a pint of Chunky Monkey. how's this for fucked up? i actually scooped out the entire pint into a big bowl, and ate with a spoon the portions containing the chocolate fudge chunks, then the portions containing walnuts. then i put the rest of the banana ice cream back in the pint, dumped in the leftover semi-sweet morsels from the cookies i baked the night before, and some walnuts, stirred it up, and stuck it back in the freezer. wayyyy in the back of the freezer. that meal pretty much kept me full until dinner, and even then i could only eat a tiny bit of fish that i bbq'd and some cooked greens from my garden.

send me a picture of you in glasses.

ok. btw, i just baked this and it rocks. Apple Cheese Quick Bread 1 stick butter, softened 1/3 cup sugar 1/3 cup honey (i used mac nut syrup) 2 large eggs 1 1/4 cup whole-wheat flour 3/4 cup all-purpose flour 1 teaspoon double-acting baking powder 1/2 teaspoon baking soda 1/2 teaspoon salt 1 1/2 cups grated apples 1/2 cup grated Swiss cheese 1/2 cup chopped walnuts cream together the butter and the sugar and beat in the honey and the eggs. in another bowl mix the flours, the baking powder, the baking soda, and the salt. stir dry ingredients into the butter mixture until it is combined well, and stir in the apples, the cheese, and the walnuts. it will be a thick, pasty doughy mess, not liquidy. with a spatula, dump the batter into a buttered bread loaf pan, and bake it in the middle of a preheated 350° oven for 50 to 60 minutes, or until a tester comes out clean. turn the bread out onto a rack, and let cool completely. if you want it to be sweet, you can put a glaze on top. just mix some powdered sugar with a couple table spoons of apple juice and drizzle on top. i didn't do that, but it could be yummy.

just for the record, i don't own an electric mixer. all these recipes i make using a fork and/or a whisk. the reason i even mention is because sometimes people think that baking is a real hassle or that you have to use all kinds of equipment, but you don't. sometimes i don't even measure stuff, i just estimate... though if you're not an experienced baker of treats, that could earn you disappointment. i guess i'm going to go to bed now.

Bakers Need Other Bakers. Don't include Every One in Everybody says you're different. Pumpkin Cheesecake? made Great Pumpkin Cookies yesterday. Box, two eggs, oil, frosting, more sugar.

These are pretty good, I like 1, 12 and 14: YOUR DAILY MOMENT OF ZEN 1. Do not walk behind me, for I may not lead. Do not walk ahead of me, for I may not follow. Do not walk beside me, either. Just leave me the hell alone. 2. The journey of a thousand miles begins with a broken fan belt and a leaky tire. 3. It's always darkest before dawn. So if you're going to steal your neighbor's newspaper, that's the time to do it. 4. Sex is like air. It's not important unless you aren't getting any. 5. Don't be irreplaceable. If you can't be replaced, you can't be promoted. 6. No one is listening until you make a mistake. 7. Always remember you're unique. Just like everyone else. 8. Never test the depth of the water with both feet. 9. It may be that your sole purpose in life is simply to serw as a warning to others. 10. It is far more impressive when others discover your good qualities without your help. 11. If you think nobody cares if you're alive, try missing a couple of car payments 12. Before you criticize someone, you should walk a mile in their shoes. That way, when you criticize them, you're a mile away and you have their shoes. 13. If at first you don't succeed, skydiving is not for you. 14. Give a man a fish and he will eat for a day. Teach him how to fish, and he will sit in a boat & drink beer all day. 15. If you lend someone $20, and never see that person again, it was probably worth it. 16. Don't squat with your spurs on. 17. If you tell the truth, you don't have to remember anything. 18. If you drink, don't park; accidents cause people. 19. Some days you are the bug, some days you are the windshield. 20. Don't worry, it only seems kinky the first time. 21. Good judgment comes from bad experience, and a lot of that comes from bad judgment. 22. The quickest way to double your money is to fold it in half and put it back in your pocket. 23. Timing has an awful lot to do with the outcome of a raindance. 24. A closed mouth gathers no foot. 25. Duct tape is like the force. It has a light side & a dark side, and it holds the universe together. 26. There are two theories to arguing with women. Neither one works. 27. Generally speaking, you aren't learning much when your mouth is movng. 28. Experience is something you don't get until just after you need it. 29. Never miss a good chance to shut up 30. We are born naked, wet, and hungry. Then things get worse.

So Tom, did you ever find the right font you needed then?

Lardy,Lardy,Sem,what were you doing this weekend,haha!!! Dougie,those are great,I like 16 and 20. Maybe I should have had some veggies with my vodka,I feel kind of queasy today.

Sarah: you really think you're the same person you were a year ago? with the "same brain, same skin, same feelings, same outlook?"

essentially yes. cosmetically no. all i really know is that right now i want to be very drunk and very bloated on chocolate truffles.

essentially or cosmetically drunk and bloated?

Lard was a weird thing, and those lyrics reminded me why i never dug jello biafra's side projects.

omelet, whole wheat apple cheese bread, apricot and almond rugulach, JUMBO COFFEE.

this Myoplex stuff is really starting to grow on me. i get all excited when it's time to drink one. i blend 1/2 a packet with 1/4 cup milk, 3/4 water, and a bunch of ice. yummy. i'm trying to block out the whole aspartame thing. the CLA is unquestionably working wonders. it's weird how fast my belly got smaller taking that stuff. now they just need to make a supplement that will make your booty smaller. or your thighs. Sem, how is your program going so far? are you taking supplements?

who is Andrea Harsell? I had frosted flakes and Japanese homework for breakfast. I'm considering Coffee.

TBone... I'm suprised your still alive.

my god, myoplex. ugh. i had three cups of coffee for breakfast. i'll probably have half a bottle of vodka for dinner. lunch is my solid meal. mmm. fuck you healthy people.

working on the first cup of coffee, surly to be followed by a few more. i may monge on a bagel shortly, but this is unconfirmed. im with you boy. lunch is king dinner tonight will most likely consist of edamame swashed down with some inexpensive import beer.

edamame, how californian. i just had a donut. i forgot, it's donut friday. also, since i forgot it is friday, i'll probably have dinner. probably sushi. oh, and make that a full bottle of vodka.

i was wondering about that....... ....the half bottle i was just short of calling you a cheap date my wife could drink you under the table if that was the case. she can put a 5th of jack out of misery in a few short hours, and still fuck me blind.....

i had edamame for breakfast and green tea and a coconut soy milk thing.

What the hell's edamame?

soy beans you get em at japanese resturants.....they are served in the pod....add salt, put em in hot water till soft.....eat em right out of the pod....great protein and fun to eat

you can also get them at the grocery, frozen steam them for five minutes eat with sea salt yum yum yum

i'm having two happle bagel sandwiches, since i didn't want to waste the rest of the apple and the remaining half bagel. pluck an apple from the tree, wash and core, and slice into circles. preheat the oven for 350 degrees. slice as much cheddar cheese as you like (i did four thin slices) cut the bagel in half put the bagel halves on a cookie sheet, set the cheese on the bagel halves, then put apple slices on top. sprinkle with cinnamon. bake in the oven for 5-10 minutes. eat while typing.

Soy beans. Yummy.

Interesting, although soy beans for breakfast don't sound too appealing.

Last time I made sushi, I was too busy gossipping and slurping chardonnay on the verandah to watch the rice. Burnt the crap out of the saucepan. Nate, do you make your own sushi? If so, tell me the mix of mirin and vinegar you whack in your rice. And do you fan the rice and all that carry on?

Damn. All of that sounds so good. Now I have to decide what to have for dinner: soybeans, bagel sandwiches, or sushi. There's a sushi place accross the street from where I work. Damn good sushi. Wanna learn to make my own.

working at home today. funny, i am more productive working at home for 6 hours than i have been nearly all week combined. i just ate lunch #2: about 4-5 chocolate walnut brownies, that i enhanced with chocolate and white chocolate chips when i baked them last night, supposedly for rosh hashanah gathering tonight, but... oooops. oh well, there's plenty left, plus two glazed honey cakes and most of the apricot rugulach is left too. lunch #1 was ahi and salad and chopped chicken liver. my belly feels really good right now.

BASIL TARRGON NORI ISLANDS WITH PARSLEY TREES... better than whacking your rice with vinegar.... NORI (Porphyra tenera) is organically grown rich purple to black seaweed pressed and sun dried into paper thin sheets. Used often for wrapping rice balls or sushi. Can be crumbled for delightful nutritious garnish, or added to salads. This recipe is great for bringadish things, but it takes two days to prepare though it is EASY. One sheet of Nori which when sliced as in this original Daniel ssss recipe yields six servings and contains only ten calories. The filling doesn't add a whole lot. The single sheet of nori, then, yields 6 servings each containing less than 2 calories, less than 1 mg sodium, and less than 1.5 mg potassium, NO fat, and NO cholesterol. It's the filling that makes the calories: be creative and cautious. The servings are impressive though. You may stuff the rolls with anything, like sushi stuff, fish, vegetables and rice, as in this dish, tabouli (bulghar wheat and spices), or high fat high cancer meats (like a stuffed pepper stuffing or ground roast beef, pork, or left over toxic barbque). I like the following filling: Prepare two cups rice, adding 2 tbls butter or ghee to rice water, then add a pince of cayenne after it cooks, and let the rice cool overnight. (Okay, Aching, the truth is I used to make it along time ago, and I would make a bunch of wild brown rice and just dig out the equivalent of two cups unprepared for the recipe. Tell your sister, Chan Ching and brother Sir Ching. So this is the truth. Would I exaggerate sushi recipes?????) Thinly slice 1/4 cup cucumber, 1/2 zucchini, a little carrot to sweeten, cabbage, onion, whatever is on hand or in your neighbor's garden. Marinate overnight only the two larger quantities of sliced veggies in the tarrgon, clove, oregano infused safflower oil and the matching tarragon, clove, oregano vinegar. In the morning, reheat slowly the rice, and heat/then cool the marinated filling ingredients. For each sheet (6 servings) of Nori, prepare the following stuffing: 3/4 cup rice, cooked, cooled overnight, reheated to make it sticky, and slightly cooled to handle marinated cuke and zuke or whatever primary veggie you choose carrot and cabbage, raw or steamed if you like ........ NORI ISLANDS BEGIN by placing Nori on a sushi mat, thick paper towel, etc., and Then Wet Hands Ceremoniously, AND SPREAD 1/2 rice beginning 1" from bottom of the Nori and leaving 2" plain and empty at top. Press firm. AND PLACE veggie mix garnish about 1" into the rice across the entire width of sheet. AND ROLL up firmly with mat or towel, wet with warm water only the last two uncovered inches of Nori and roll like a big fattie to seal. AND CAREFULLY WITH a sharp knife cut the roll into 3/4" to 1" slices. Arrange medallions in the bottom one layer thick of a glass baking type serving dish. AND (almost done) BASTE 1/8 tsp of marinade over each slice, sprinkle with cruched dried basil, and stick a piece of parsley into the Nori beach encircled island of rice and veggie as if it were a TREE... Okay, you now have a baking dish of little islands, looking pretty damn cute for a single guy to whip up and impress the lasses, and add a little of the marinade to make the islands appear to be surrounded by liquid. Cool in frig, sip on some cold chocolate coffee, and survey your creation. ....... THE OIL AND VINEGARS< THE MARINADES To make the infused safflower oil, which isn't the greatest healthiest oil, but makes this taste pretty good: Add 2 cups fresh tarragon and 2 cloves ground up clove, and 1 cup fresh oregano to 16 ounces oil in a heavy pot. Heat slowly to below boiling, let it roll, but don't fry the herbs. Reduce heat and let em roll slowly for 1.5 hours. ......... You can use dried herbs which actually make better infused oils, but the equivalent dried herbs (3/4 cup crushed dried tarragon, 1/4 tsp dried ground clove, and 1 tsp or less of dried oregano) really makes a heavily flavored oil that masks the food flavors. To make the decocted white cider/ tarragon clove vinegar: Bring 16 ounces distilled white cider vinegar to nearly a boil, and add 1 cup fresh tarragon, and 2 cloves. Moderately simmer and let roll for 1.5 hours strain, bottle, and use with the companion oil. ...... Experiment. Nothing impresses your guest like homemade vittles. I used to decoct the same herbs in vinegar that I infuse in the oil to make companion dressings. I haven't done this in a long time, but it is worth the trouble. And is easier than it sounds. To do it very easily, make the vinegar decoction first, then bottle the vinegar saving the herbs. Add another measure of herbs when putting the oil in the same pot and with the same herbs you used with the vinegar. You need not discard. Glass pot works best, or stainless. Not aluminum. I've tried tarragon with clove, basil with dillweed, orange mint, and other combos when I had them in the garden. Keep in frig a quanitity for dressings. To make a COMPANION MARINADE too, for veggies, veal, or chicken, use both the oil and vinegar mixtures but add more herbs for the marinade, especially with meats. Measure herbs first, then crush into a fine powder before adding. Not only is the NORI ISLANDS a neat thing, the infused oils and companion vinegars make great dressings for salads, and inexpensive, thoughtful homemade and therefore meaningful gifts. Though I know some folks would prefer a fifth of Finlandia with a ribbon. SOOO, Cat, I don't whack my rice with vinegar.

Wow. I'm impressed. Will you make this for me if I come to visit you? (without any sneaky non-vegan elemants, of course...)

mmmmm...Sounds impressive but also a lot of trouble. I am not exactly the patient type and I like to eat my creations straight away (no, that's not a line, so bloody well leave it alone). I generally only make sushi to go with drinking sessions...thought it's kinda fun to save some rice and fixin's for when everyone's drunk and has the creative juices flowing...mmmm...chocolate-sprinkled tuna rolls. Love making my own vinegars and oils too. Especially like getting those big fat red chillis and bottling them in oil with rosemary and other thingymijigs, before waxing off the top. My fam and mates usually get a bottle in their Christmas stocking.

Wow. Send me one!

i canned about two dozen quarts of cherries a month and a half ago. still haven't eaten any, but reports are good. i made a refried bean-tortilla chip-onion-green pepper casserole last night. had corn on the cob, too. am now polishing off leftovers, as the pizza in the frig is covered in pepperoni. and bacon.

i am utterly overwhelmed by that recipe. it is impressive and beyond the scope of my attention span, but looks delicious. i find that typically there's a parabolic, inverse relationship between the level of recipe difficulty and the enjoyment gained when eating it. but that's just me. it's been raining every night here. the challah turned out amazing. everyone devoured it. i mean, it was my first real bread ever and it was so good. and easy. i am going to bake more breads. i learned tonight that i need to redecorate my house. the energy flow, the decorating is all wrong. after all these years in hawaii, i still surround myself with the vibe of impermanence and singularity. the problem is i don't like to spend money on Stuff. i'd rather spend my money doing things than accumulating things. but i think my friend is right. i think your home environment is really important. didn't realize how awkward the interior of my house seems. i need to do some indoor gardening, i guess. after monday. monday monday, when the website is launched and i become the offical Company Darling Slash Rockstar. i ate a lot at rosh hashanah dinner tonight. matzo ball soup, lentils, okinawan sweet potato salad, tofu and watercress salad, tender brisket, challah, lots of red wine, apples and honey. more brownies, cake, honey cake, the apricot rugulach, more wine. and to think i was doing so well this week in anticipation of seeing Lonny tomorrow. he will not be happy when i weigh in. when i binge, i get really bloated the next day. oh well, i don't really care. i'm already there anyway. happy new year, people.

actually it's not a difficult recipe, especially if you eat rice alot, you might even have some a-awaiting. It's a little planning. First time I made it, I had made some vinegars and oils; wondered what to do with them. Had rice leftover, and was going to an office party (back when I would do things like that). I had a package of Nori in the cupboard. Idea came, I was in an island state of mind. No one knew I cooked let alone could decorate rice islands with parsley trees, soooo. It's an easy recipe, but I'm not a good recipe writer, for a guy who twenty years ago made his living by unwrangling and rewriting procedures. I prefer buying my sushi from the little guy at Wild Oats, or from the day old case there when it's late at night and he can't make it freshly for me. It's a usual stop on the trip back from the airport. When I cook, I nibble as I go, so when the sit down and eat formal part starts, I'm partly satiated and already had enough. But I manage to hang on and put out an admirable effort at a well mannered table. Some times the clean up is simply a continuation of the feast, uh-huh. I wouldn't go there, either, Cat... Okay back to work: logs at the roofs' edge today. Tomorrow I am speaking on my ego and in the afternoon, on mending the fragmented self. And drumming. So I must be diligent about the logs today.

I think it was all the caps that intimidated us.

breakfast. more or less. woke up this morning to find that i was coffeeless. i have 5 or 6 coffee cans in my fridge in which i keep bulk stuff like various types of beans, rice, and dry milk, and others with cut onions and stuff like that. no can with coffee in it. went to the store. bought a can of cheap coffee and a 36-count sack of corn tortillas. back at the house made coffee and drank several cups while lying in bed listening to the radio. at 11:00 i got up and made breakfast: put a tortilla on a plate, spooned some spiced venison onto it, covered it with grated cheese and hot sauce, repeated process another two layers till venison was gone. microwaved it. ate it with orange slices on the side and more coffee.

"roll like a big fattie to seal." only in the sorabji.com cookbook. And droopy, you gots ta fry that tortilla, at least on one side if you have too much stuff in the middle to fold it over. Why don't mexican places fry the outside of their burritos? It wouldn't add all that much fat (relatively speaking) and the crispy shell is sooooo good. I'm thinking the george foreman grill might be good for the job.

Ugh. Fried burrito. Yuck.

i know, tired. but the tortilla won't crisp if you put it in a micowave, and i didn't want it to be crisp. it all melds together into a whole. i will fry them lightly (just to soften them) or sometimes just coat them with butter when i make taquitos - fill them with spicy chicken or whatever and then wrap them up and bake them. i've even cooked old, dried-out tortillas into chili. when you go to a mexican taqueria around here, a taco isn't crispy - they just fry the corn tortilla in a little oil to make it soft and pliable and then put shredded meat over it and fresh salsa. i like microwaving corn tortillas. sometimes i'll just put a stack of them in a microwave with a pat of butter between each and zap 'em. then eat 'em with salt, maybe some hot sauce. or else just moisten each one and eat 'em with salt and lime. and beer. good, quick midnight snack. the corn tortilla is a heavenly thing.

i woke up at 8 this morning. had class at 9, with a half hour drive. solution: cheese-its and carrot-orange juice. mmm-mmm good. for lunch i had a chicken rice bowl at jack-in-the-box. much better than most fast food.

I can't send the oils or vinegars all the way over there alas...because I bottle them in glass, they would be too heavy and too fragile. However, I will be making up a batch of my wicked Thai red curry paste in the next week or so. Get your orders in now. Email me a mailing addy if you want a sample.

Yay! I think you already have my addy. If you don't, let me know...Oh, and I need communication on the ultimate make out tape exchange, yo! Tom stop am still expecting scrumptious vegan burrito goodness stop please advise stop

does anyone want british sheep photos? these are authentic STONEHENGE sheep, people.

Is this pornography?

"sheep porn" nice concept. i like it. these are fully wooled sheep. no humping, though some petting.

Hrm. I don't know if I approve yet.

Dear corresponder: We're very sorry, but Tom appears to have been eaten alive on the way to the post office. We'll have the new Tom up and running within 72 hours, and we've added some key features: more memory the ability to clean up after himself (still in beta testing) built-in sensitivity training for close-up work with: animals, women, small sugar-coated candies, and children. (Sadly, short people and "goths" are still not supported as of this writing.) unfortunately, we've had to remove the "find post office" module to make room for all this. If for some reason, you need a Tom to have postal interactions, please write the management: The Management 1600 Pennsylvania Ave Washington, DC 20500 Call before visiting. Tuesday - Saturday, 8:15 am, 10 am - 12 noon, walkthrough. METRO: Federal Triangle stop on Blue/Orange line.

So what you're trying to say is that I have to fly all the way to f-ing California to get an f-ing boont berry farm f-ing burrito? f-you

L'shana tova, Sarah! And a good yontiff to everyone else as well. I didn't really get to have a Rosh Hashanah dinner; those of my family who celebrate are far away, and I don't really have any Jewish friends around here. I did manage to wrangle a five day weekend out of the deal, and went to services. There's a fairly new reform congregation in the area. They started two years ago at the High Holidays, and I went to Rosh Hashanah services then, this is the first time I've been able to go back, what with working every Friday and Saturday evening. I liked the service; I could have done with more Hebrew and less English, but the rabbi did a good job of explaining the different parts of the service, and where the traditions came from. I feel great having been to two days of services, and I hope to use this momentum postively in the weeks to come.

Oh, and Pez...I've seen those sheep, even have the pictures. No shagging in my pics either; didn't have any infrared film, and everyone around there knows to lie low until the tourists go back to London or on to Glastonbury.

too true. and there were three buses of high-school age musicians visiting that day. but we were going to cheltenham. still, i do have some "proof"...one sheep in particular looks extremely guilty. it has achieved certain fame in the area.

salmon and feta omelet with sprouts and red bell peppers. 1/2 valencia orange, 1/2 ruby red grapefruit. two huge, glorious mugs of ghiradelli brand coffee, freshly ground. about to make some tea and go into the garden. taking the morning off from work. those bastids.

ugh. i'm starting to think i have a salmon allergy.

That's no good.

tofu poke steak 1/2 orange blackberries chai

trying not to indulge in the JUMBO COFFEE but... but... i'm so weak.

Hey, where's Trace been? Maybe he's on vacation in Hawaii having JUMBO MAI TAI'S with his lunches?

he's not here, though a JUMBO MAI TAI sounds really good. i just ate another breakfast because i was still hungry. steak cottage cheese manoa lettuce more blackberries celery with herbed goat cheese

Reeces peanut butter halloween candy dipped in all natural extra crunch peanut butter, a hard boiled egg, navel orange, JUMBO COFFEE. not necessarily in that order.

dick.

You had dick for breakfast?

Yea Dougie,don't you know the best part of waking up is dick in your cup?

Heh heh! Yeah, I forgot about that J.

when bodybuilders have PMS, this is what their menus look like: Breakfast: * Reeces halloween candy * 1 egg + 3 egg white omelet with green and red onions, mushrooms, broccoli (stems shredded in food processor), red bell pepper, bean sprouts, shredded parmesean cheese, garlic and dill. * 1 ruby grapefruit * JUMBO COFFEE with milk Lunch #1: * 1/2 Myoplex after lifting * 1/2 Myoplex after aerobics lunch #2: * four 3-oz. aku steaks steamed in white wine vinegar, lemon juice, garlic, and horseraddish * 1/2 roasted chicken * 2 oz. mozerella cheese * about 6-8 cups of vegetable salad (lettuce, chinese cabbage, sprouts, garden grown tomatoes and cucumber, red cabbage, shredded broccoli, red bell pepper) with wasabe lime salad dressing. Dinner: * 2 chocolate truffles (a belated birthday gift) * carrot cake ********************* this morning i ate the other 1/2 of the chicken and 1/2 cup cottage cheese and another grapefruit, and of course a JUMBO COFFEE.

Buttered cinnamon raisin bagel, vitamin pill, 3 cups of coffee so far. I hate bagels anymore. When I get to work and look at my wax paper-wrapped bagel, I say to myself, "Ugh, another bagel." There's a bagel store right across from where I live, so I get one every day. Gotta try some other form of quick, easy breakfast.

wasabi's pretty quick and easy.

Yay wasabi and clear sinuses.

4 slices turkey and a cup of yogurt an hour after my aerobic workout, then an EAS nutrition drink about 2 hours later. I just got two cases of the Myoplex drink boxes, Sarah, no aspartame, but they cut the amount of protien in half. however, it works fine for me as I really wanted less calories in that stuff anyway. Breakfasts from last week: Saturday: Turkey sausage and blue corn pancakes, lots of coffee, Portland. Sunday: tofu scramble at The Vita, Portland. Great restaurant. Monday: croissant, tons of coffee, an EAS drink about 10 am, somewhere in the Columbia River Gorge. Tuesday: can't recall, but maybe we just waited til lunch, which was a cajun style tofu thing, in Salt Lake City. Wednesday: cereal w/ soy milk, coffee, toast w/ PB at a hostel in Moab, Utah. Thursday: coffee, EAS drink in Denver. Friday: French toast and sausage somewhere in Nebraska, east of Lincoln. Saturday: no breakfast, but a vegan pizza at 3 pm in Ashland Wi.

Was it made with soy cheese, or did it have a bunch of yummy ingredients on a crust like vegan pizza should?

had a tahini-garlic sauce instead of cheese, plus onions, green peppers, and tomatoes. It was a vegetarian coffeehouse place we ate ate, and they feaeture a lot of the type of vegetarian food that I don't particularly care for (lots of cheese involved, very little tofu for protien involved). Good coffee though.

Yum, that sounds good. I like well made vegan pizza. There was a resturant I went to in Ireland that made the best vegan pizza I've ever tasted, on homemade bread with vegetables fresh from the garden/hothouse. Yum.

breakfast (7:30 a.m.): 1 oz white fish, 10-15 pieces of brach's chocolate trail mix candies workout: lifting from 8:30-9:30, cardio from 9:30-10:15 lunch #1 (11:00 a.m.): 4 oz white fish, 1.5 cups homemade indian curry lentil soup*, huge salad anticipated dinner: martinis at Indigo * Indian Curry Lentil Soup 1 yellow onion as much garlic as you can handle 3-4 tbs indian curry powder 1 giant can chicken or vegetable broth 3-4 cups water 2 15 oz cans diced stewed tomatoes 3 bay leaves salt pepper 1-3 tbs crushed red chili pepper (depending on how spicy you like it) 1 cup dry lentils 1 can red kidney beans 1 can black beans 3 cups sliced celery 1/2 cup minced fresh parsley Saute onion and garlic in 1/4 cup canola oil, until onions are translucent. Add curry, mix well, cook for 2 minutes. Add broth, water, tomatoes, bay leaves, salt and pepper (to taste), chili pepper, and lentils. Bring to a boil, reduce to low boil and cook for 15-20 minutes, until lentils are tender. Add kidney beans, black beans, celery and parsley, cook for another 10 minutes or so. Serve hot.

breakfast.......a few ritz crackers, co piloting with 4 cups of coffee through my system lunch......with my asshole boss trying "be social" with me, Thai, chicken curry...yummy yum dinner......anticipated edamame and salad apertif.....a cute lil red head, served with a side ganja

breakfast - coffee lunch - leftover cletus-fried perch, hushpuppies, and coleslaw. more coffee. dinner - currently steaming a cradle full of red potatoes, brussel's(?) sprouts, half a yellow onion, and a pod of garlic. which i will eat with a few more hushpuppies and some beer. no meat. wow.

hush puppies wow..... haven't had those since my last visit to Red Lobster, which was........um......hmmmmmmm 83, 84..... i didg those lil buggers

Split pea soup for me tonight, I'm afraid.

split pea soup is awesome. be happy! while i'm here: breakfast- coffee lunch- some kinda hummous sandwich and a salad. the sandwich wasn't great, but the salad was good. i had a mocha afterwards. dinner tonight will be some kinda vegetable soup comprised of the vegetables in my fridge, and fried green tomatoes. i have a lot of green tomatoes in my garden, and the rain which will rot the shit out of them in a heartbeat started yesterday.

breakfeast today: Orange juice cheerios a friendly chat with kalli dinner last night: banana lunch yesterday: sandwich (whole grain bread, ham, romano cheese, tomatoes) at a local, neat-o restaurant. with my mom, sis, bro, and grandpa. yeah. ok enough. but still nice atmosphere there, just would have been better if i were in a better state of mind. Dessert after lunch: "Stars and Moons" choclate thingy got it to go...and of course, had to split it with everyone. Breakfeast: something. then the PSAT. agh. yukkens.

Today: Food: Lunch: 11:30am: sandwich. yuck. must find more food.

scrambled eggs wrapped in nori, cantelope, cottage cheese, JUMBO COFFEE.

whats nori?

Seaweed, my fellow californian. Seaweed.

that explains why i don't eat the shit

i've just discovered yet another effective appetite suppressant: crying. specifically: crying about being hungry. good thing i'm seeing a therapist now, eh?

sarah, i'm worried about you. specifically, your obsession with food. you've done so well for yourself, but it seems like you're maybe getting a little carried away. i hope that's not the case. be careful. as for me, i've slipped. i've lost 30 pounds but i've been eating burritos and stuff like that. i think i need to hit the induction shit again. this time, i'll be sure to work psyllium into the diet (bad word, i know). a man's gotta poop at least once a day and if you're eating a pound or so of steak a day plus some bacon and eggs and maybe some chicken and squeezing out a little nugget here and there, you know there's a problem.

I'm worried about you also, Sarah. I'm proud that you've done a lot for yourself, but I'm still worried about you sometimes. Please stay ok? I like you alive and healthy.

wow. That's really neat, I just noticed it said "breakf_e_ast"! That's neat. It implies that I feast all the time and eat neat things as breaks in the feasting...I'm never calling it breakfast again. Thank you, Z, you rule my world. You don't have to be rich, you don't have to be cool...I just want your body, baby, and your...kiss...

A clean colon is a healthy colon.

me carried away? heh. i appreciate your concern, that means a lot to me. but i have some bad news. it's too late. i'm already fucked. i've always had an obsessive personality, and obsessive streak. it used to be drugs. it used to be boys. it used to be computers, graduate school, paddling, surfing... whatever. now it's food. or fitness and health. however you want to look at it. like i wrote to sheila, fitness - as opposed to obesity - is one of the only socially acceptable disguises for control issues. i go back and forth. sometimes i look at it like this. there's a goal i want to reach. sometimes getting what you want is really hard and requires divine acts of concentration and will-power. when i say i'm crying because i'm hungry, what i mean is i'm crying because i'm frustrated that i'm working this hard and the last ten pounds are not coming off. i'm crying because i'm sick and tired of thinking about food and calories and planning meals in order to reach the goal. i'm crying because i want to eat greasy ham and cheese sub sandwiches, ice cream, peanut butter, and i want to drink beer. let me clarify that. i'm not crying because i feel like i can't eat those things. i can eat them if i want to, and if i wanted them badly enough, i would eat them. i'm crying because i grieve simply having the *desire* to eat those things. why should i need to want to eat garbage like that? it's ridiculous. americans are so overfed and spoiled and indulgent. it's absolutely sickening. i should be able to be perfectly happy eating only meat, fresh fruits and vegetables, natural oils, and occasionally grains. doughnuts? what a crock of shit. doughnuts should not even exist. doughnuts do no occur on their own in nature, they are human concotions of some bizaree notion of oral pleasure. other foods that shouldn't exist: triskets, coca-cola, hot dogs, or cheetos. not that i crave cheetos. blugh. but you know what i'm saying. if i'm crying because i'm hungry, it's because i'm craving foods that my body shouldn't even want. i shouldn't want to eat unhealthy. that's a learned behavior, not a natural behavior. tonight my friend lisa and i went out for thai food.. we made very healthy food choices. I had spicy seafood soup, green papaya salad, and beef and eggplant in basil. But we also split a bottle of wine, and then i ate a huge piece of chocolate bread pudding that we picked up at the café on the way home, and a bunch of cherry garcia to go with it. and a couple spoon fulls of rice pudding that my housemate had made. whaaaaa? where is the balance in that? every bite was delicious and unregrettable. i could have overcome the craving easily but i actively chose not to, i chose to indulge. is this behavior more or less healthy than crying about being hungry? people are unhealthy because they poison their bodies (and live in a poisoned environment). being healthy is of utmost importance to me, because when i am healthy, i feel good, i act nicer, i feel better about myself, i work harder, i sleep better, and i have more to contribute to the well being of the world and the people in my life. now. other times i look at it like this. that it's not really about reaching a goal or getting healthier physically, but rather it's about wanting love and needing control. it's also about wanting a flat belly, smaller thighs, wanting to fit a size 8 and not a 10. it's thinking before every bite of food, which do i want more, to eat this or to have less body fat? It's about hating my body, hating my appetite, hating my cravings. it's about wanting answers. it's the translation of my experience over the last 5 years of my life, and more importantly, that last 18 months. real or not, true or not, here is the translation: thin is beautiful. thin is acceptance and admiration. thin is success, happiness. being thin is being given a chance. thin is powerful enough to make a really cute guy sitting at the next table over at the thai restaurant get up after his meal and come over to my table and introduce himself to me and ask me to meet him for lunch or coffee sometime. being fat is none of these things. being fat is rejection, failure, ugly, unhealthy, misery. being fat is succumbing to bad and abusive relationships. and each of those things is directly proportionate to the amount of body fat i've had and then lost over the 18 months. yeah, i know that's fucked up. so i can either deny that that is how i truly feel because i can intellectualize over it, or i can just be real about it and admit that that is really the honest truth about how i feel, as i find myself reaching an end to this journey. believe me, that's not the translation i would have liked to formulate from my experience, but that's what it is nonetheless. and if you don't like this world view, too fucking bad. this is The Ugly Truth. what is 10 pounds? maybe it's the only thing left between me and self acceptance, between me and happiness, or success, or opportunity, or beauty, or peace of mind. or maybe it's not, maybe it's nothing at all and maybe i'm just a big fat jerk inside. but there's only one way for me to find out. and maybe crying about being hungry isn't a good sign, but neither is gorging on chocolate bread pudding and ice cream because i'm so hungry most of the time. we shouldn't get to eat whatever we want whenever we want. it's not ok to do that. it's clear i'm having real trouble finding the balance point. that's always been a problem for me. i recognize that i am struggling with this, and i don't know what to do to keep the pendulum from swinging so extremely. I'm still playing around with the food program, trying to tweak it, trying to see what works and what i can handle, and what i can't, what is unrealistic and what isn't. i think i've been doing the wrong thing too hard, too forcefully. i think i've been missing the key, the trigger. i haven't been following Lonny's plan as closely as I should. I've been restricting my carbs too much for maximum fat loss and probably ended up shocking my poor body, making it hang on to every bit of fat it has. I thought that was the only way i could get to where i want to be, but now it's clear that emotionally as well as physically that's just not going to work anymore. tonight i feel as if i've learned from my recent mistakes and that i may be reaching a critical turning point. i went to the gym after work and had my last training session with lonny. Or what i thought would be the last session. after the crying event, i decided i needed a break and i would tell lonny i'm done for a while. so after the usual treadmill warm-up, i went to his office where we meet. as soon as he saw me he knew something was wrong and he asked me what was up. i told him everything. i told him this had to be my last session for a long time because i decided i need to take a long break. and i explained i had come to this conclusion today, after crying because i was hungry. that i cried because i was working so hard at the gym and living so hungry and not making any progress, crying because i'm stuck and can't get to the next level. crying because i feel so weak because lately i much too frequently give in to my cravings, which prevent me from reaching the goal. crying because his meal plan for me is so unnatural in terms of life style and it precludes me from having a normal life. crying because i can't stop obsessing over food and calorie proportions and meal plans. crying because i'm just so fucking sick of it all. and in spite of that, crying because i so deeply want 140. crying because, while i want to be ok with 145-150, it just isn't good enough. it's not the working out part. that's the part i love unconditionally; when i am in the gym lifting weights or taking aerobics, there is no struggle, there is only peace. the struggle is with the food. and Lonny understood everything i was saying. he's a competing body builder who also has to struggle and starve, who has to dig really deep in order to accomplish his goals. he shared a lot interesting and funny stories about his experiences that he never shared with me before. he understood, acknowledged and validated my feelings, and even spent a long time explaining to me that due to my genetics i may have to find a way to be happy at 150. he soothed me by telling me how healthy and fit i am and that i shouldn't necessarily judge myself by typical height-weight standards of measurement. he said all the right things actually, and he made me feel hopeful. after 30 minutes of talking through it, it was clear that even though this was to be our last session together, we weren't going to lift weights together. so instead he offered me an alternative. he wrote me out a new meal plan. the most exact one yet, but it is something more manageable and realistic. every third day i get 2000 calories, but the first two days i'll be down to 1300. The carb load on the new plan is actually much higher than what i've been eating. Then he wrote out a new exercise regimine that is equally exact and rigorous, in proportion to the daily calorie intake. It's a huge grid, an exact science, outlining every piece of food i put in my mouth and every weight i lift and repetitions, and every minute of cardio exercise. as he wrote this out for me, i started to get excited again. then he asked me if i thought i could do it. I told him i could but that i wasn't sure i wanted to. he said that i could get to 140, but that if i want to get there, i need to first find a way to accept and be ok at 150. and accepting the fact that getting to 140 was going to be really, really hard and that i'll have to focus, concentrate, and sacrifice everything for a while to get there. i decided to try it. i thanked him for taking the time to help me. he said, okay, you don't need me to lift with you, you already know what you're doing. good luck and let me know how it goes. except that i decided to hire him for six more sessions. instead of once a week for six weeks, i asked him to lift with me each of the four days [as specified on the grid] for the first week, with two "check-up" sessions once a week after that. he said i wouldn't really need that, but i insisted. i feel like i do need him there, to teach me, and for moral support. and so that's the deal. we start on Monday. he gave me this week off. he said only do 20-25 minutes of light cardio Monday, Wednesday, and Friday, and take the weekend off to relax and regroup. I asked him if i could have a treat, and he said, yes, you can have one brownie or one scoop of ice cream. instead it was a huge thai meal, wine, and a heaping plate of chocolate bread pudding and ice cream, but so the fuck what. so the rest of the week i give myself license, not to binge, but license not to obsess. maybe i'll even have a ham and cheese sub. but then it's one more month of training, the hardest yet. this will probably break me. if i can't make it through the final four weeks, then i will admit defeat and try to work out a happy maintenance plan that is reasonable and that i can stick to. if i can make it through and stick to it and if it does indeed get me the results i'm looking for, well then hoo-fucking-ray for me, and i'll deal with what comes next if i get there. The End.

Damn.

right

oh...and I am having coffee for breakfast i might give in mid morning and pick up a bag of the most kicks ass potato chips around...Poore bros. brand.....specifically jalapeno flavor...yum yum

Right on, Sarah. I'm behind you all the way as usual. I am with you on the "last ten pounds" deal. AH. the elusive flat belly. Today I did not feel good in the morning and skipped my scheduled workout. I feel guilty about it but I am just going to write it down as a mistake and proceed. I've been pretty good about not skipping aerobic exercise, but sometimes you just have to. cOne thing I am happy about is that the new technique I incorporated into my lifting feels like its really working for me. What I do is hold the final rep of the final set of an exercise at 3/4 of the way to the top of the rep, for 10 seconds. At this point I basically have to give it my all to do this, so the stimulation on the muscles is amazing! Now if I could only get as fired up about the aerobic bit... I'm glad that Lonny seemds to be the right trainer at the right time for you. He seems like he has the exact needed attitude for his profession. Keep it up, you'll get there.

For the first time in years I worked out in the morning today. Usually I'm a complete zombie before noon, but judicious and limited use of melatonin is getting me onto a regular human sleep schedule. The workout wasn't as bad as I thought it would be. I only did 30 minutes of easy aerobic stuff, though. I think two workouts a day, one easy morning one and one medium evening one, will work for me. I've lost 20lb in the last four months, but I've hit a plateau at 260lb for some reason. Maybe the two workouts a day thing will help me continue the downward slope.

I reached the halfway point in my 11 week training course last week. I now have two weights sessions with my trainer and one by myself each week. Last Friday I got up real early, got dressed and went to a class before doing the weights. I felt so much better. More cardio good. He told me I was getting stronger, and I'm seeing little changes in my body. The only thing wrong is that I just wish it would all friggen melt off. Its hard to be overweight and stay motivated because the changes take longer to work and be effective. You guys inspire me.

That's really cool. Moonit--are you going to keep it up even after the training program?

When i first started I kept thinking yay 11 weeks to go, then i wont have to do this anymore. Now I'm thinking five more weeks and I'll be doing it all by myself altho Jon(trainer) did say that if I wanted to carry on doing two sessions with him I could, or even one, or just cut it back to once a month. Thinking molah-wise it might be better to to just see him once a month, but motivation wise I should probably get myself down to one a week, then one a month or something. I think if I chucked it all away now it would be such a waste, because I've got to the point where I'm lifting more weight, and feeling a lot better. So I'm not gonna. I'm determined to be buff-moonit, not extra-curvy-moonit

Right on :)

i had cold veggie pizza (papa murphy's take'n'bake) and tapioca pudding. i'm about to have jo-jos and burritos.

http://dailynews.yahoo.com/h/nm/20001031/hl/eatingdisorder_1.html what is noteworthy is the emphasis on outrigger paddling atheletes. this morning i had 2 eggs and a homemade peanut butter apple whole wheat muffin and a cup of coffee.

vodka and...i can't remember. shit.

cold leftover meatballs, followed by chocolate toffee crunch swirl ice cream with hotfudge sauce. really. it wasn't a hallucination. in addition to a very satisfying supper, last night i ate three small but potent pot brownies made with the kindest of the kind from the big island. whooo daddy. haven't done that in a long, long time. there was a major breakthrough.

Yy! Alright, Sarah.

"as freedom is a breakfastfood/or truth can live with right and wrong/or molehills are from mountains made/--long enough and just so long/will being pay the rent of seem/and genius please the talentgang/and water most encourage flame//as hatracks into peachtrees grow/or hopes dance best on bald men's hair/and every finger is a toe/and any courage is a fear/--long enough and just so long/will the impure think all things pure/and hornets wail by children stung//or as the seeing are the blind/and robins never welcome spring/nor flatfolk prove their world is round/nor dingsters die at break of dong/and common's rare and millstones float/--long enough and just so long/tomorrow will not be too late//worms are the words but joy's the voice/down shall go which and up come who/breasts will be breats thighs will be thighs/deeds cannot dream what dreams can do/--time is a tree(this life one leaf)/but love is the sky and i am for you/just so long and long enough" e. e. cummings. punctuation unaltered.

if you could look at five pretty rudimentary equations governing modern physics and come up with E=mc^2 (i.e. be Einstein) or write a poem like that, which would you want?

e.e. cummings' rhythm of words is one of the few things that can at once lull me into peace and make me horny. i'd write poetry. no doubt. it's more true, dependable, realistic and more beautiful than scientific theory. poetry cannot be proven wrong, even over time. there will never be any new evidence to dispell the truth of a poem.

I'd want bigger tits. No, OK....it was only a choice between Einstein and ee. Do they have to be disparate? Can you not have both the logic and the creativity? I'm always envious of people who combine the two successfully. For that reason alone, I think Leonardo Da Vinci is simply spiffy. That is real power. The logic to understand and the creativity to express it.

I would want to buy a black Subaru Forrester, and drive it in Aruba with the Tuba Czar. Wonder if ee or ae would beee a-long???? Shoeless,

Neither. I'd want to be able to play like Heifetz or Horowitz or Liszt or Paganini.

i'd like to meet quantz or frederick the great or have more time to organize and update my archives. found my old journal that i lost in september, before school started.

George Bernard Shaw, or Neitzsche, or Oscar Wilde. Sit for a night and discourse with a madman. How wonderful.

in a complete torpedo to any hop eof ever eating right, that is, healthy... my dear old blaket-ass grandmother fixed me 3 eggs over easy, five monster strips f bacon from her neighbor, toast with homemeade berry jam (what kind of berry? just berry. eat it.), 'taters' and buttermilk. yeah. butrtermilk. and it was 7:30AM. i go to bed around 4:30AM. i love my grandma.

I just had much sushi goodness made by me with girl of the green (now blue) hair. Came in and found a note from geek boy. All is well.

That sounds like my perfect breakfast,hope the taters were hash browns.

kinda. bigger than hash brown, not quite french fries. tater strip thingies. she's makin cornbread fer dinner. prob beans, too.

today for breakfast i had a chicken thigh, an apple, some leftover tofu and bean sprout salad, and a giant piece of homemade apple pie. the crust was *perfect*. i've given up eating eggs for breakfast, eating them at all except in baked goods, because i'm trying to reduce the amount of Growth Hormone i intake from animal sources. yesterday i had two girlfriends over for lunch. i made chili. and afterward we baked a chocolate mud bread pudding from a recipe in the Chocolate Ecstacy cookbood. we ate all of it between the three of us, and i poured a ton of brandy on mine. they had grand marnier. it was ooey gooey and wonderful. and i no longer freak out about it. i'm little, even at 140-145 lbs., i'm little itty bitty. and i'm small enough, and i'm not afraid to gain a little weight because for chrissakes, i know how to lose weight. it's not hard. i've learned, well... i'm learning to let go. it's been hard, i will always struggle, but i'm doing it. i found this site in my referer log today: http://geekbee.com/fat/ she's having gastric bypass surgery very soon. and she's about to go through everything i've just been through in the past two years. in some ways having the surgery will make her journey a lot easier than mine was because she won't be able to eat, and harder than mine was because in all likelyhood she'll want to eat and can't. at least i could eat if i wanted to. also, she'll lose all her hair for a few months, and she'll have involuntary bulemia. i wrote her a long email tonight. i wrote to her, "the mirror betrays." also, "good luck." surfing around a little, it seems there's a whole cabal of big girls with journals/weblogs about being overweight and trying to lose weight. and fuck almighty it's weird. it's like looking directly into my recent past. it's scary. it's wonderful. it's bizarre. i want to write every single one of them. but i won't. for some reason, i'm just going to watch this one. i feel like i need to do something. i feel like i need to warn. what a head trip.

this morning I made an egg/cheese onion bagel. YUMMY. i rarely eat breakfast, today it was a treat.

brussel sprouts. my whole life i thought i hated them until i tried them again about a month ago, because kevin loves them. now i can't stop eating brussel sprouts. fresh or frozen. breakfast lunch and dinner. plain, with salt and pepper, sometimes with lemon juice sprinkled on top. that shit is good.

i had three chocolate chip cookies and a cup of coffee for breakfast.

nothing. but this weekend, i expanded my palet, ate salmon and swordfish. i was mildly impressed, but they still had a "fish" taste to em.

I baked chocolate chip cookies today.Yum. I love brussel sprouts.Lots of butter and salt.

Good for you Patrick. Swordfish for me is the be all and end all of seafood. I could eat it for every meal if it wasn't so damned expensive. Last time I got it at the fish market it was $13.95/pound. Brussel sprouts require vinegar on them at the end of cooking IMO.

I love me some salmon. My s/o loves brussels sprouts too. She's always got some on-hand.

Ramen noodles....

i just steam brussels sprouts and eat 'em with salt and pepper. i don't eat breafast. this is my first meal of the day: mash 1/2 cup beans (pinto or black). sauté in a pan some onions and garlic until soft. mix in the mashed beans along with some cumin (and maybe chili powder.) add a splash of water or beer (i use modelo) to soften, if necessary. let cook on a low heat for a while. then stir in about a 1/4 cup of rice and about the same amount of grated cheese (i prefer sharp cheddar.) let everything heat, melt, and blend together. then take 4 corn tortillas, place them on top of them beans, close the lid and turn the burner to low. if the tortillas are dry, you can moisten them with water. let them sit for a while. they'll eventually start curling up. when they do, take them out, fill them with the bean mixture and a dash of tapatío, and replace them in the pan. cover and remove from the heat and let sit. chop up some mangos, melons, oranges, or whatever fruit you want and put them in a bowl. maybe with some lime. eat from the pan. i live off these things.

Speaking of cooking, I get a monthly catalog in the mail for cookbooks, called "Jessica's Biscuit Cookbooks." That name cracks me up, Jessica's Biscuit. Unfortunately, there are no pictures of Jessica nor her biscuit in the catalog. :-(

for breakfast: mini bean and cheese burritos with salsa. for lunch: roasted garlic hummus spread on presliced italian bread and a snapple. got "home" just now to see two HUGE bags of food sitting at the top of the stairs. great. now i'll have a backpack full of clean laundry, sylvie in her box, and two enourmous bags of peanutbutter and pasta.

well i freakin give up. i've gone back to the old JC. not jesus christ, the _other_ JC. Fuckit. I've just got to wittle down these extra curves. So i"m taking the easy way until I get midway, then I'm gonna hit the gym and the pool for the rest of my life. Or something.

Droop,can I come to your house for lunch?That sounds like my kinda meal! Having grown up in the southwest,Mexican is my favorite.Very,very difficult to find good Mex here,in Cajun country.So I just have to fix my own.[or weasel an invitation to Droopy's!]

NOOOOO MOONIT... Don't go to the dark side... No JC she's the fuckin devil.

Hi people, If you'd all like to get together and have one big chat, lets all meet at "18:00 GMT" at "www.payphone.de.vu". It's at another website about payphones mainly UK based. Every number there has a pic of the payphone!... Anywayz C U there... Bye

What is JC?

Yeah, JC? Jarvis Cocker? Julius Caesar? I had a chocolate chip cookie for breakfast this morning.

julia childs injecting lard into yummy roasts mmm.

this completely sucks ass

Right, Julia Child. You know what sucks ass, Patrick? I have to lubricate the skin on the outside of my nose around my nostrils because I've dried it all out from blowing my nose so often. My poor nose is all sore. I use a little Burt's Bees Apricot Baby Oil.

scrambled eggs, a peach, and an unmeasured quantity of chunky monkey ice cream. i dug around in the pint with a fork and scooped up all the fudge chunks. my interview went well. it's a web job with a Huge Company, the kind that has a Corporate Culture. A Fortune 500 Company. it would be a good job to have. please pray for me; i'd like to get a second interview. those bastards from grapevine market still haven't called me yet. i kill them. for lunch i had steak and granola and brussel sprouts.

breakfast consisted of chinese food. it was probably lunch for most people, but for pilate & i, it was breakfast. breakfast can arrive at weird times around here.

had thai food just before 3 pm. num. i'm going to fix tabbouleh.

i had beaver, two servings.

I had crumpets with golden syrup, & bad coffee which I'm strangely starting to enjoy.The sky was blue and my cherry trees are snowing drifts of pale pink petals up my drive.

geez, JC = Jenny Craig. Get a grip guys. Re-al-it-tee based acronyms. Protein shake, banana, lethicin granules, and frozen fruit all blended together constitutes breakfast...every day. Without really trying, I am losing flab: over twenty two pounds redistributed in the past two months. I am determined to be fit enough to survive a longer fall than Labor Days' twelve feet from my deck. Bounced like flubber; sore as hell but nothing broke. I'm trying to fit on a ladder two stories in the air before the snow flies so I can finish the norths side of the house.

Daniel, you win the prize. ; ) I have such a headache, and its from lack of sugar. I believe this may be the first day in ages that I've had no chocolate.

Jenny Craig is farce isnt it? dieting and exercise are free. will power can save you money!

skinny people have no right to mention anything about will power when it comes to the issue of weight loss. ARGH. don't get me started. will power has nothing to do with it. "getting control of yourself" has NOTHING to do with it. people need help. i don't advocate jc or ww, but if it's the only way people can find hope and/or results when doing it by yourself for "free" hasn't worked, then more power to those folks. losing weight isn't hard. it's not about denying yourself. and that's exactly why it has nothing to do with will power. it's about re-training your habits. it's about understanding your body. and in our society there are *very few* people, fat or skinny, who are in touch with their bodies.

spinach salad with tuna fish and homemade salad dressing, a slice of sprouted soy bread smothered in an absurdly thick layer of freshly ground peanut butter and a couple dabs of honey on top, some mozerella cheese, and a kosher dill pickle. also, lavaberry tea.

partly bollocks. thats like saying counselors who have never been alcoholics can't be counselors on addiction. Im in complete agreeance that understanding your body, re-training your habits and learning a thing or two about food are key. But you sure as hell don't need WW or JC to do either. I wouldn't knock a man for loosing weight by going through those programs, but how many are actually successful in those programs? For more than 6 months that is. Its entirely about control of yourself. Acting like its a "diesease" or something to that effect is counterproductive. Its not like some outside force made you shove that McDondalds in your mouth over the years. No one made you stay on the couch instead of getting up and exercising.

do you fancy yourself a weight counselor? god. sometimes you make me so sick.

of course not. is anyone an expert on half the shit spoken around here? its clear your experiences are making you sensitive to this, and thats fine. But i can't imagine what im saying is as offensive as you are making it sound.

so before this turns into a war, like we've experienced before, perhaps get perspective before you unload on me, like you have in the past. please.

fuck you. you insult people with your assinine assumptions about things you know nothing about. talking about people shoving Big Macs in their mouths and sitting on the couch all day. just shut up. i'm not returning to this thread.

"thats like saying counselors who have never been alcoholics can't be counselors on addiction." if i were an alcoholic (you know, the bad kind), i wouldn't go near a counselor unless i had a sworn affidavit that he had once passed out drunk in the alley behind a bar and slept there all night in a pool of his own urine. i haven't eaten yet, but i think i'm gonna have me a bowl of chili and corn bread.

i like my fat. i have muscle and i know how to use it. if i had skinny little torso and legs to go with my arms it wouldn't be balanced at all. jasmine green tea and coffee cake. last night's dinner consisted of tabbouleh, cucumbers, hummus, falafel and lentil soup (if you wanted it). served, to quote al-x, "food not bombs style." i've been reading faerey cards, just picked five cards and put them in a row. not only are they in REVERSE numererical order, but they seem to fit the story of my coming to live here.

your experiences are extreme sarah. im not making any damn assumptions. i don't deserve your hypersensitive shit. typical.

Patrick, there are several medical disorders that make it nearly impossible to lose weight without getting a doctor to draw up a list of what and how to eat and how to exercise. People with these disorders could be eating right (as far as they know) and exercising plenty but remaining overweight because they're not doing it right, because they need outside help in order to determine what 'right' is. They're trying hard, they're not lazy, they're not eating Big Macs, but they're still overweight. That's all.

Ah, droopy, you know you hurt my heart with that kind of talk.

I've put on a lot of weight and I hardly eat anything(except vacation),I thinK it has something to do with my thyroid gland,I'm suppose to take medication for it put I usually forget to.

while i would admit i did oversimply my POV...re: big macs and sitting on the couch all day. I resent that pussy POV that people don't have control. People have more control then we give them credit for. There is a reason we are the fattest nation in the world. The fact that we are bombarded with adverts and have the cash to put fastfood on every corner, and in general we eat out more than the rest of the world all attribute to our health condition. so, you know, fuck you.....the fact that you've gone through extreme procedures regarding this subject makes your POV potentially as assinine as mine, considering the emotional and physical stress you have endured. You're jaded with too much experience and im jaded with lack there of, but i really resent the fact that you feel its ok to be a complete dick to me for it. Im entitled to my opinion as are you. I can take the insults of a stranger around here, even nate's, because i believe him to be partly playing, upholding his alpha male machismo....and thats cool. But for some reason, when i get into it with you, i take it personally. I NEVER try and offend you, and the fact that you are so quick to draw lines in the sand, tell me I make you sick, "fuck you" and so on....well, for some damn reason I take it really personally. You effect the rest of my day. And If I KNEW ahead of time, that expressing my opinion on the subect at hand was going to ruin my day because of your hypersensitivity, I would have never said it. I asked you take perspective. You failed, so Im compelled to write this drivel, which Im sure you'll respond in kind, against your better judgement, against my better judgement. There is absolutely no reason what so ever to be as upset as you are with what i said. And if you, fine, you are entitled to be so, but I dont deserve to be hung for my opinion. Otherwise, I expect you to hold the same high regard for FACT and EXPERIENCE to everything else everyone says around here. Why im singled out, over a subject you clearly have a bias towards is....well, not beyond me.

yes spider....i dont deny those with medical conditions. but they arent as prominent as we like to think.

our tv-inactivity/fastfood/waif-pressured culture is much more prominent.

You sure about that, Patrick? I've got one of those conditions -- PolyCystic Ovarian Syndrome -- (and I wear a size 10, so while I'm not obese, I could stand to lose 25 pounds), J just said she has a thyroid condition, and Sarah's probably got what I have since she's had an ovarian cyst. PCOS affects about 10-15% of the general population of women in this country....that's about 1.5 million people right there.

6-10% of women and is treatable by exercise and diet changes.

J doesnt take her meds, you are not obese. So do you really have a point? "According to the National Institutes of Health, 55% or 97 million adults in the U.S. are overweight or obese, with at least 33% (58 million) of adults considered overweight and 22 % (39 million) considered obese. All of these people have a condition? I would dare to say most of them don't. Of if they do, its directly releated to their weight. I did oversimply my point, but you can't deny the conditions in our society that encourage being overweight.

I just found out about it last year,I get a well woman check-up every year,but I had noticed that my get up and go was gone,I'm usually very hyper,not anymore.

Which might need to be laid out for you by a doctor. I was told to limit the number of carbohydrates I eat and to eat them only in the morning, and to eat meals within an hour. Not complicated...but I've heard from different sources that eating small amounts of food continuously throughout the day is healty for you...eating pasta and fruit and lots of grains is healthy......well, for me it's not healthy. All I'm saying is, some people need outside help in losing weight. No big deal.

My first sentence was in response to Nate. My point was what you just said, Patrick...that you oversimplified. That's all. For lunch I am eating a turkey/cucumber/bean sprout/tomato/spinach leaf sandwich on whole-grain pita bread.

No its not a big deal. Never was from the get go. But you got help of a physican, and took matters into YOUR hands. Controlling YOUR diet. So your case, at least, proves my point. You didn't need a business like JC or WW to do it. Realizing they are business who need you to keep coming back to stay in business, realizing we humans are stronger than we think.....THIS was my point. But for some god damn reason, sarah made this uglier than need be and i fucking resent it.

didnt mean to be redundant...didnt see the second post spider. Im starting to get hungry too.

I didn't know you were criticizing the businesses...I thought you were criticizing the people who went to the businesses for needing help. Sorry about that.

my point was people don't NEED those outlets as much as they may think they do. dieseases aside, i tend to believe we have more power over ourselves than we give ourselves credit for. Our incessant prescription pill remedy society lends itself to this notion. Always scapegoating, always making ourselves victim of conditions while denying our human ability.

what are ya doin this weekend spidey?

My mama's coming down to visit me. She's getting here tonight and she's leaving Sunday afternoon, I think. The poor woman's not doing too well...she's been having a lot of anxiety problems lately. Last night I talked to her on the phone and she was freaking out because she hadn't bought curtains for her new condo yet and she didn't have anyone to go with her to get them. To her, this was a tragedy. I told her that we could get new curtains when she comes down here, and that she needs to stop working herself into a frenzy over small things. Another frenzy...she doesn't have a rug for her entrance way, and she can't measure the area because she doesn't have a tape measure. OH NO! I told her to improvise and use a thread or something. Not a big deal. This is why I'm trying to get her to go to therapy instead of relying on the Xanax. She needs to learn how to talk herself out of a panic. What are you doing this weekend?

you can't always talk yourself out of a panic. i couldn't.

tonight, im going to see the Cherry Tartes perform. Tomorrow afternoon, im doing some head shots for a friend, who is an aspiring comedian. Tomorrow night there is a photo opening Im going to attend. Its a friend, Steve Diet Goedde, and big shot Richard Kern, amongst others. Pretty significant, in that Kern has never exhibited here in LA before. Im pretty much over his work, and Steve's but they both are fine craftsmen with the camera. Steve being much more of a traditionalist than I, when it comes to making images and printing. Sunday I hope to do some darkroom work.

i've lost 100 lbs in the past year by cutting out sugar, carbs & caffeine from my diet. pretty basic. not even difficult. i'm still losing weight. my blood sugar's under control & that's why i started dieting. health (not looks) was the motive. for breakfast today: nada. about to grab some lunch, though.

When I get home, i will be interested to see how much weight I lost spending a month digging holes. I am afraid all the beer we drank may have canceled some of that good hard calorie burning out, though. (today I had 2 pieces of bacon and a bowl of honey nut cheerios in Silk) We packed 12 12-pack beer boxes full of artifacts, plus two bigger boxes as well. I still can't believe I'm back.

dammit what the hell have i started... <But you sure as hell don't need WW or JC to do either.> I need help. I'm not afraid to stand up and say that I need it. If I try to do it by myself I get discouraged if I fall off, or if I give in to cravings. And you may think it's a simple thing but it bloody isn't. When's the last time you had a whole month without any sort of drug? These people are *hopefully* trained to help me learn that it's okay that i fell off and had a tim-tam. Better to have the one tim-tam than the whole packet. And having someone believe in you, that measures and weighs you, and offers positive encouragement (not a friend either) makes a big difference to me. <But you got help of a physican, and took matters into YOUR hands. Controlling YOUR diet.> You obviously have no idea how WW or JC works. WW allocates points to all different types of foods calculator, so for foods not on the list you can work out. Then depending on how overweight you are, you're told you can have x ammount of points per day, but can save four of those per day in case you have an outing sorted where of course you may want to go all out and have the heffier piece of choccy cake. Normal people should eat around 18 points per day. A big mac is like 9 or 11 points or something. JC gives you food. Not all of your food, you still have to buy fruit and veges, but healthy, portion controlled food. And a list of things you need to eat on that day. You get a choice from about 80 different menu plans, and when you make it to your halfway goal you're allowed two days to eat on your own. As you get further down the loss track you get more days to wean off their food. I'm sitting here and I'm confessing that I am weak. You have decided that I am weak because obviously I must eat mcdonalds every day (havent had it in months because its disgusting) and that I sit on my couch 24/7. I walk to work, and home - thats at least 30 minutes. I climb the stairs - thats at least six flights a day. I don't go to bk or kfc every week. Maybe once a month - if that. But I can't get rid of these extra curves by myself. Fuck you for making me cry.

i'm not passing judgement moonit. Im well aware of how JC and WW work. My dad and others were involved with either groups or both at one point or another. I also never said anyone was "weak". I didn't make you cry. You made you cry. My comments were general and not directed at either you OR sarah specifically...but both of you have decided to make them personal, and for that i cant be responsible. Its your choice to make them personal. Is it possible you are trying to attain a weight that just isnt healthy? Curves are not a bad thing you know. Our idea of whats fat and what isnt in western culture is severly fucked...our media presents an overall unattainable and unhealthy idea of skinny. I mean has your doctor actually told you, you fat % is high??? Where are you getting this desirable image from? I also said I don't knock anyone who goes through these programs. BUT everyone (total of 6) i know, friends and family members who have gained the weight back they lost. In otherwords their attempts were futile. And they simply wasted a bunch of fuckin money. I was actually giving you and others like you the benefit of the doubt you could achieve this yourself, with the help of a physician or a dietician. In my mind, someone who wants to loose 10, 20, 40 lbs is not like someone who is addicted to heroin. Drugs are chemical, what we are talking about are day to day eating and exercising practices. I mean....is it just me, or is it possible to have a dialog with women and weight and not have them get fucking emotional and irrational???????

that last sentence includeds my wife, so don't think Im singling you out.

and as to when the last time i went a month with any sort of drug or alcoholic beverage??? You know....probably since I was 16 or 17. Pretty staggering when you point it out. But i still wholly and fully believe i and i alone posses the power to change that. I havent had a desire to change my habits so that is irrelavent. and you know....maybe your metabolism requires more than walking to work and taking the stairs. We are have different requirements. What works for one, may not work for another. Try a whole month of a sensible diet and 30 minutes on the cycle at the gym 4 days a week and see what happens.

Andrew just pointed out to me that I shouldn't care what you think - because you're on the other side of the world, and when I do go to the US I doubt that we would be meeting up anyway. It was your statements in general that hurt. It made me think that you must judge every overweight person you come across. You must automatically think that they are lazy. You've posted that comment before. And its not true for me. I'm not lazy at all. I bet you've never had a weight problem. You don't know what its like to have a love/love/hate/love/eat it anyway relationship with food. And yes, maybe females are a lot more touchy when it comes to weight problems. But you pointed it out yourself, look at our role models, look at who the advertisers use.... in Nico's catalogue did you use any women who had bigger breasts? a potbelly? or weren't waiflike (aka fuck them and you'd break them)? I was eating a sensible diet. But it wasn't working. So now I'm trying this.

Moonit,Spider,Sarah,don't let Patricks views on life upset you.They are just that.HIS views. He has no expertise in these areas,so he is merely voicing his take on this matter.And he is certainly as entitled to his opinion,as we all are. And I'll bet he didn't intend to hurt anyone's feelings,although obviously he did.He just popped off an opinion,without thinking about the content. [which is what he usually does] The majority of us know how hard it is to take/keep weight off,and applaud you for your stamina. I know I have followed Sarahs weight loss and training program,and couldn't be happier or prouder for her,and all the hard work she put into it. And a big part of friendship,is being supportive. So you go,girls!The majority of us support you 100%,and will be here to cheer you on,and share in your triumphs.

I ate a plate of gyro meat with zazitza and cheese fries tonight, and had a bagel with sugar laden strawberry cream cheese midmorning, and a Dr. Pepper for lunch. It's not about denying self. It's not about body image. It's about health and poisoning one's self, strangling one's airpipe and gut, and polluting the saggy baggy earth suit so much. If it makes some feel better or worse to deny self, worry about body image, or die prematurely, it's not my business. I am losing weight because to not do so is extremely bad for this fifty year old guy who used to be a whole lot more fit than he is now. I eat a lot of turkey for the tryptophan and antibiotics that turkey has in it. But the lamb tonight was delightful. Hey sweetie, have some blackened grouper for me.

andouille and microbrew. your maker embraces the universe. do you doubt it's ability to embrace you? then again, we all could use that embrace. where the fuck is that sumbitch when you really have the need? clearly, extra fat cells don't attract the fucker. use the tools available to you. jenny craig style. calista flockheart style. elvis presley style. skinny fucks need not apply.

i understand, intensely, what it's like to be given a ration of hell about your weight. i always thought it was monstrously stupid...you're the same person inside whether or not your body is thin, fat or average. it's the same soul inside. people can be very cruel about weight. i remember being an overweight 5-year-old & having grown adults be extremely mean to me about it. i went on one diet while i was in my 20s & i lost 75 pounds. it landed me in the hospital. i also gained all the weight back & some extra, to boot. now i've lost just over 100 lbs. haven't shown any signs of gaining it back. i don't have to wear plus size clothing anymore (but still love to sleep in my size 4X & 5X t-shirts). even though i've successfully lost weight, i can tell you this: the diet industry is largely evil. not only that, but american society's collective viewpoint on fat people is fucked. i still think fat people are beautiful. there are some fat women who are HOT. they have a glow & radiance about them that thinnies simply cannot achieve. i've met some of the coolest fat people. their weight doesn't mean jack shit to me. the only reason i lost weight myself is because of health. i HAD to. but if you don't have to lose weight, hey, fuck it. if you're healthy & happy, then have a chocolate eclair & tell the world to go fuck itself sideways. life is short. very short. too short to agonize over other people's glaring stupidity regarding something as ultimately trivial as your body weight. spend a lifetime obsessing about weight. end up dead anyway. it's all meaningless. in the grave, nobody's keeping tally of your weight loss. get up & LIVE. if living means having a snickers bar, then for god's sake, please have two of them. sorry for rambling. but i STILL strongly support the FA (fat acceptance) movement even though i'm no longer considered fat. i think that fatphobia is one of the most hurtful issues out there. oh, yeah...when i was at my largest weight, i excercised FAR more than i do now. i worked out at a gym daily & walked over a mile every night. i did aerobics every morning. i do none of that shit now. so guess what? it DOESN'T have anything to do w/ being a lazy fuck. i'm a lazy fuck right now & i wear normal size clothing. i was rather industrious when i was fat. laziness hasn't got a damn thing to do w/ it. period.

you guys seem to have interpreted my words that i judge fat people. which ive never said, nor implied. your interpretation moonit is incorrect. i never said YOU were lazy. I don't know a god damn thing about YOU other than what you reveal here. whomever andrew is indeed correct....i have no fucking clue why you took what i said personally, as it was never directed to you at all. I've always regarded you in kind moonit, and im sorry to hear that you would facetiosuly rule out meeting me, simply because you took my general remarks personally. Thats fine, Im not offended, just a little taken a back that such a conversation would have such an effect. You people act as if i personally attacked you. And czarina, i didn't just shoot my mouth off, i made a statement, that ive stood by and will continue to stand by. I never said I didnt like fat poeple, never said i judged fat people or anything of the sort you bunch of fucking word vultures. I made a general statement that people who have weight problems and WANT (key word there folks) to loose weight have more power than they give themselves credit for. Have you ever considered that these "cravings" you suffer, are media induced? Our fast food culture is quite powerful. To me, if you can acknowledge that, you are half way there. Its like when I smoke pot, and maybe perhaps i get paranoid....simply telling myself "its just the pot, you arent really paranoid, its just chemical" is half the battle. Needless to say i dont get paranoid with pot anymore. In case you people didnt notice....im totally against basing body image on stereotypes and media influence. I don't and have never adhered to idea tha women must be size 3s, nave 36DD tits and so on. My ideals of attraction are almost opposite of contemporary culture. Id be willing to bet moonit that if i saw your picture, you wouldnt be fat in my eyes. You might be surprised. What a lot of women call fat, i call normal. I despise the fact that women feel the need to surgically alter themselves for media induced body image, i think it truly sad. I don't like the fact that women are driven to brink of insanity and irrational emotion, AHEM, over the subject. ALL i SAID, FROM THE GET GO, was that I believe you could achieve the same results, save a lot of money avoiding those crappy business buying their frozen dinners and going along with their bullsit points system. All they address is your diet, they dont address your exercise. Is their point system based you as an individual, or just you and your weight? We all have different metabolisms. Someone who weighs the same as you may have different requirements. Im willing to bet a spin cycle could serve you better moonit. i actually thought about this, this morning on my walk....walking doesnt get your heart rate up enough,long enough nor does a brief climb up 3 flights of stairs. im willing to bet a good half hour of good solid cardio 3-4 times a week would help tremendously, be far more effect. Would someone here, say sem, nate, sarah even tell me how wrong I am in this statement? Please. and to rule me out as some skinny fuck who doesnt know a thing about this is partly true. I was a member of a gym for about 6 months, had a "trainer" for what it was worth. I went to the gym 2-3 nights a week, sat on the cycle for 30 minutes (i.e. keeping my heart rate up above a certain #, of which i dont recall now) did some weights, rounded up a solid hour work out, lost 15 lbs within 2-3 weeks. Never changed my diet, but then again my diet is fairly healthy as it is, with occasional eating out. Im willing to bet moonit, you could do this. Instead of admitting weakness, how about admitting that you have the power to do this, and you just need encouragement (like i've been trying to offer all along) and regimen. Ultimately, though, if JC, WW is your choice...I have my opinions on those places, and Im entitled to say them and not be told to "fuck you" and hear "you make me sick" for them. Thats childish. as far as my wife's catalog...no of course not, we used models that would sell the clothes the best. Actually i take that back.....we didnt entirely hand pick our models, we sorta had to use the friends who would do it for free. They all happened to have smaller breasts. Nico's catalog is business, not ethics. We arent in the plus size business. There was only one model we used that was far too skinny, in fact we had to throw out a lot of pictures because of that. BUT, we had to use her, she had experience and she rounded out the variety we were looking for. If we had money, and went to an agency and got to pick our models....well, it would be a lot different. I will tell you this, though i dont have your address, and would be delighted to send you a catalog, (email me if you like) there is one model that is down to earth in terms of weight. In fact, I encourage you to notice her upper arms...not only did she bitch about them while there, but they are the size, that nico bitches about on herself all the time. I dont see anything wrong or abnormal with them, but perhaps its time women admit that their self images, fueled by a jaded media, are irrational to begin with. No ive never had a weight problem. Has your doctor determined you have a weight problem or is this spawned from personal vanity? Who told you you have a weight problem? Im sick of being written off and personally attacked about this subject because i may not have a weight problem. I dare anyone to actually read this, what ive wrote and point out any illogical, or irrational stance on this. tell me WHERE ive called people lazy, or personally attacked someone here. I may not be blowing a bunch of smoke up anyones ass, but tell me where Im wrong. fuckers

oh, and crimson, you have a medical condition right? so that kinda rules out the fact that though you exercised you still didnt loose weight. it was later determined a health condition no? this whole time ive ben talking about people without health conditions.

yeah, it's health-related. blood sugar & all that. healthy or unhealthy, though, if you exercise like a maniac, you'll probably lose weight. & i actually did. but that weight loss was pretty minimal & seemed to be a hell of a lot of effort for near-zero results. the answer for me, personally, was to radically alter my diet. even if you're 100 percent perfectly healthy...follow a low/no carb dietary regimen & you WILL lose weight. it's easier than you think. no shit. you can do it alone...no help or paid dietary cheerleaders required. however, if group effort seems to be valuable, then go for it. that approach doesn't work much for me, but it obviously works for thousands of people. but i'd say that weight loss isn't so important if your health isn't direcly affected. who gives a rat's ass if you're plus-size? if you can still get your ass through the front door of your favorite restaurant, you're probably doing all right. no need whatsoever to diet unless your weight is actually screwing up your life.

can somebody tell me what the hell i was talking about up there? i wonder if the transporter on star trek can lock onto fat cells and beam them out of you. i wonder if it would hurt.

are you saying that fat cells might be more difficult to transport?

i really don't have any idea what i'm talking about.

me neither One thing i do know is that "riders on the storm" has been snagged out of my My Music folder about 30 times in the last two weeks...hmm

its too hard to explain. but I really am overweight - as in need to lose a few sizes overweight. I'm not confident enough to tell you how much, but lets just say its lots. I know JC can help me get the weight off, and thats my first goal - my second is to start a proper excercise plan. One that i will stick to - because I have thought seriously about this - I need to dedicate the rest of my life to being healthy and not just eating something because it is there. I went to the supermarket on saturday and for the first time in ages I bought no chocolate, no biscuits, and instead of spending $1.20 on a treat I spent $3.95 on strawberries. My favourite fruit. Making healthy eating choices is so much easier in summer. I take so much food to work with me, and most of it is salads and fruit, and I never would of done that before. I think Sarah has said it before - that its all about planning, making sure you have enough food - the right sort of food - to get you through the day. And this is what I am learning.

I was so proud of myself. I lost a lot of my pregnancy weight and got down to a size 12. But then I stopped working so hard and started eating a lot more just b/c I had nothing else to do and now I am back up to a 14. I've decided that I am going to try to pay more attention to what I eat and try not to sit around the house all day.

All I know is, if you are trying to lose weight, forget about drinking beer. Damn. I think I actually put on some muscle diggin' holes all last month, but fat loss was zip. Luckily, fat gain seems to have been zip as well. If we hadn't been all staying in a beach house and eatin' pizzas and drinking beers, well, maybe then... eh. it's dinner that does it. I need to eat lite dinners. Plus start riding my bike to work now that it's not hot out anymore. After a while, It does get easier passing up on the chips, ice cream, and cookies, though. I don't know where I am going with this, as I really have nothing to add.

speaking of star trek transporting....i saw the new show...enterprise. "beaming" is a new technology...eh. I liked it, thought Im betting trekkies had a million and one issues with it. so moonit, so we have an understanding? you realize i wasnt attempting to insult you, or anyone. Im usually direct with my insults. do as you wish, it doesnt really matter to me. good luck whatever avenue you choose.

So, what does one eat in a no-carb diet? Throughout highschool, I was so active that I would seriously choose my food based on how many calories I could get for the least money/time/mass. I discovered that there is one burger(I think it's the Hardees monster mushroom thingie) has something like a full day's worth of calories for a smallish person. They're quite good, too. I've lived largely off Ramen noodles for years, and used to think of it less as food than as fuel. Like I needed a refill. Unfortunately, when I started college, I got into the habit of eating socially instead of as needed. But I still had the habit of maxing my intake, and in a caffeteria setting that ended up inflating me like a balloon. It didn't help that I had gone from 6 years of running to zero exercise and a desk job. I seriously went from underweight to overweight before I realized it. I've changed my eating habits from my unhealthy twice-daily pig-outs to the old unhealthy snarf-to-prevent-death habit... But I still need to work out time for exercise. I need to figure out something in the middle, probably. Seems food is either a hassle or a hobby for me.

in a no/low carb diet, one eats meat. assloads of meat. more meat than you ever believed a single human being could ever consume. you also get some veggies & that sort of thing, but it's primarily a meat based diet. protein-based. all the meat & eggs you can handle. it's just that the kind of protein you get in vegetables is also really high in carbs (beans, for instance). so it's lots of meat. i went for over 1/2 a year without eating fruit, which was a bit of torture. now i can eat very small portions of fruit, which is wonderful. i might as well be eating a box of sugarcubes or something, because fruit is jam-packed w/ sugar, but damn it's good.

I WOULD LIKE TO SEE YOUR COLON.

you know, that's the coolest offer i've had all day long.

It's still early.

I get caught up in stuff all the time and forget to eat. Or I forget that I have eaten, and therefore eat again. From day to day, I never really know how much I've eaten because my memory is shot to shit. But I figure it can't be too much, I haven't blown up yet. I do have a nasty habit though. I could eat donuts and PB&J all day long and never tire of them. And Pepsi or Cherry Coke, gotta have the 'fine. I think I want to live to have enough money that I will never go to the fridge and not find a nearly full pack of the stuff. Ah, the life!

I just wish we had something to eat in this house... My new diet... I don't eat, b/c we can't afford it... What do you think? I hope I can last 'til Friday (payday).

hrm. i've been eating fairly close to vegan lately... no "real" milk, sometimes my bread or noodles has egg. but lots of tofu, garbanzo products. peanutbutter, bananas and onions. and soymilk. plus with riding my bike 2 1/2 miles per day, at least, i am losing weight. pants that were loose last week are beginning to work their way off my hips (work pants, without beltloops). i had extremely low protein levels on saturday, a couple of meals with tofu cleared it right up. i get very cranky and sleepy without my protein.

Made some killer potato high carb soup over the weekend, and I put frozen fruit high in sugar in my protein shake every morning. The complex carbs are better and last longer and moderate blood sugar better than a bag of over priced fat soluable chips with a quart of sour creamed chemicals as a chaser. And the sugars in fruit are quite different from the sugars in Snickers Big Bar Ice Cream calorie sweet tooth stuff. Climbing up and down the logs on my house also helps. My idea of working up a sweat used to be sitting in the hottub.

Yeah Patrick, sorry if i went a little crazed. You know I realised today that I get along with everyone because I don't disagree with them. Weird. Like theres this one guy at work, and he gets himself all heated up, and I just crack a stupid joke to calm the tension cause I hate it. Or walk out for five minutes. Or turn of my hearing. Do you think thats a weakness? In breakfast news I had half an awful mufin, and then went home early from work because I felt awful - stomach cramps etc. Plus it was like 27 degrees. agh

chunky peanut butter on a hamburger bun

i wouldnt say thats a weakness. Diffusion is a good asset. coffee thus far

triscuits.

nothing

Meal replacement shake.

PIZZA!!!

I had breakfast with my kid. There's nothing quite like breakfast with Oswald.......watching the sun come up as a grinning teenager explains the mysteries of the universe over a plate full of pancakes in a truck stop.

No breakfast. For lunch I had two cups of hot chocolate.

i had the good ice cream, but don't tell nate

um coffee at 8 am. cheese nips at noon. breakfast of champions

shitballs!

Nate, you ate shitballs for breakfast? Yuck!

HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA

two extra large eggs broken into a frying pan, yolks burst but not scrambled, plus one egg white, fried with salt, pepper, dill, and some shredded parmesean cheese on top.

black tea, grapefruit juice, veggie burger with goatcheese

excessive amounts of coffee. multi-vitamin, cigarette and one modest egg/chesse/bacon burrito sold by the little man who wheels a cart of attractive viddles to our lobby every morning. it's more like a breakfast taquito as its pretty small but hits the spot.

3 tablespoons of hot chocolate powder mixed with 1 teaspoon of instant coffee.

did you add water to that or just snort it up?

A bagel, one half covered with peanut butter, the other half covered with pumpkin pecan butter. And some decaf Irish Breakfast tea.

punpkin pecan butter.....mmmmmmm I discovered these yesterday at Whole foods and I'm almost done the whole box. They are insanely good, I want to try this flavor next.

1/2 c kashi plain no fat yogurt just now i had an apple a lot less eating is required while you're doing your own thing at home also i hit the 10% goal last week although i haven't counted points on paper for a while

Nutrigrain bar, banana, yogurt. My usual.

that's awesome, congrats. you'll look even sexier in your bathing suit. i had the exact same thing for breakfast i had yesterday. plus a big coffee with organic half n half. they're opening a whole foods in honolulu within the year. which totally freaks me out, even though i love whole foods and currently hold their stock.

Leftover buddhist vegetables with white rice, consumed with chopsticks. Later, a cup of instant ginger.

what exactly are buddhist veggies?

The monks on the short bus. (Snare hit, cymbal crash)

Bok choy, carrots, bell pepper, wheat gluten, mushrooms and rice noodles. It's really good cold with sweet chili sauce but my bottle seems to be thrown out. Maybe because it says "FOR CHICKEN" on the label. I use it for everything though.

can of tuna with olive oil, a single serving of plain (not lowfat) yogurt, and a huge coffee. going through one of those phases where i gotta just choke down food three times a day. did anyone see that documentary on reggae and dancehall on bravo last night? fucking fascinating. it was subtitled!!

your nazi-vegan roomates threw it out?

bacon, egg and cheese breakfast sandwich and a venti light room, extra ice, iced americano. both from starbucks.

waiting on the little man with cart. about a quart of coffee thus far.

waffles, though I should have had bran bits, english breakfast tea, water