Here's the dilemna... let's say you meet someone who is by most measures your pefect match. This person has the same sense of humor, enjoys similiar music, likes doing the things you like to do, has similiar religious/philosophical beliefs, etc. As far as personality goes, you two are perfect for each other. However, you do not find the person physically attractive... would you still try to make a relationship out of it? Now, when I say "not attractive" I don't mean horribly deformed or ridiculously ugly; this person doesn't make your stomach turn, just doesn't do anything for you physically either... Is it wrong to be judged on your looks... or is physical appearance an equally (maybe even more) important factor in choosing someone to be with? Just curious on your thoughts

If there is no physical attraction, then obviously you aren't supposed to be more than friends. What's the dilemma?

I'm with Semillama. If there's no chemistry, you're not meant to bond, yo.

Righto. What's wrong with just being friends? You don't need to be romantically involved with everyone you get along with.

It's true. Friends are good people to have, after all. No need to complicate things.

my 2 best long-term relationships were w/ people i had very little physical attraction to. the friendship is so strong that it overrides everything else. it's a fierce & intense friendship. i regarded these friends as lovers & publicly acknowledged them as such...even though "lovers", to most people, means the whole sexual thing. to me, friends are the best lovers. they're the best long-term people to live with. there's a moment where a friendship becomes so intense that it becomes transcendent & perfect. at that moment, that friend becomes a "lover" regardless of sexual considerations. very intense emotional bonds can be formed w/ people you don't necessarily find attractive. personally, i've never been able to form a close & meaningful relationship w/ anyone i was actually attracted to physically.

If he's really your "perfect match," personality-wise, then that's that. Perfect is perfect. The idea that "real" relationships have to be based on that twitchy infatuation-chemistry is silly. Gender: I'm calling our mystery person a male. Deal. So you aren't attracted to this person physically; are you attracted to him mentally? Sure, you get along, but are you really drawn to him? do you find yourself thinking "hey, I wonder what Guy X would think about this?" 'cause if you really want to form a relationship with this person, and the only thing stopping you is that he doesn't look "right," Hrm. You could get the speech about how looks don't matter, but we all know they do. Still, as Crimson pointed out, the line between "friends" and "lovers" is weird and blurry. I'd hop in the sack with Guy X once or twice and see if that doesn't spark things off. A friend of mine who used to have very low self-esteem because of the way he looks has spent the last 4 months getting more nookie Marilyn Monroe at the White House; it was like someone flipped a switch, and he figured himself out. Very neat to watch. Not applicable to your situation, I don't think. Does everyone go on binges after they lose their virginity? I've watched these two gamer-geek nerdboy friends of mine go completely crazy. They were normal, well-adjusted geeks, then they got some ass at the ripe age of 18, and now all they are concerned with is getting more. </ramble>

Funny, Crimson, I never think of my friends as lovers, but I do have friendships like that. I know what you mean. We're all close and intricately linked. I certainly have friendships that transcend ordinary bounds of friendships, I suppose...I needed someone to talk to and someone called me from California, I didn't have to move a muscle. That was really cool. Anyway. Yeah. I tend to get all in with my friends and stick by them. Some of them right now are making decisions I'm really doubting, and I'm wishing I could have spoken up before it was too late.

Christ, could you ask the guy what happened and report back to me? This happened to me yesterday: I was at the grocery store and I decided to get a bit 'o' sorbet. There are a couple of women in front of the Haggen Das deciding on what to get so I stand back and wait for them to finish. And wait. And wait. About a minute goes by and a good looking guy walks over and opens the frozen food door next to the women and gets some ice cream. One of the women says, "Oh, are we in your way?" He says, "No." He walks off. The women keep chattering about which sorbet to get. I walk up, say "excuse me," get some dirty looks, and get the sorbet. Anyway, as to the first post, just listen yo your question: "is physical appearance an equally (maybe even more) important factor in choosing someone to be with?" How about "maybe even less"? Not a consideration? Didn't think so.

I'm so attracted to my lover that it's ridiculous. The boy is seriously hot. However, the physical attraction is just icing on the cake. I love him so much that I can't imagine turning him away as my housemate and Significant Other (TM) if he were less than handsome. We just click together. It sounds cliche but finding Trace was like finding the other half of myself. We're dear friends and I think that's what makes our relationship so fantastic. He IS terribly handsome, but if something were to happen to change that, it would scarcely matter. I've actually tried to imagine him with missing teeth, a bald head, a pot gut......all that shit that might actually happen when we hit our later years. I can't imagine anything that could befall him physically that would change the nature of my love for him.

Well, there is a theory that all of us have other halves...it's something I haven't completely abandoned. I'm glad you're happy together. You can thank aristophanes for suggesting it in the first place, I suppose. Or not. Friends are funny things. They're hard to deal with sometimes. Sometimes they do things so stupid you just want to hit them, and you can't explain to then why it's stupid. You just kind of stand by them when they need you and wonder what you're doing. Sometimes they make worse decisions than others. I have a friend who has been having difficulties with college--he took some time off, went this year and lasted it for two days. Decided to come back, now wants to go to Bali for a semester and then to Goddard. I wonder if he's going to be happy there, if he's going to be happy at any college, it just seems to anti-him. I don't know. I worry about him.

The sad story of my attempt at internet romance - I met someone kind of accidentally. Before that I thought internet "relationships" were for losers and geeks. But it just developed before I really understood that I was losing my heart. I thought the great thing about meeting someone on the internet would be knowing he was attracted to my mind. Sadly, it doesn't work that way. Or maybe my mind is just not alluring enough. I do better with men I meet physically. That's not vanity talking, but actually a touch of bitterness. If I met my internet "beau", there's every chance he would fall for me. But I wanted something more spiritual than that. So the answer to your question...physical beauty is all. Mental attraction follows if you're lucky. Or maybe men just fake the mental attraction. Sure feels that way sometimes.

Cat-- what do you mean, it didn't work that way? You met someone over the internet, but he wasn't attracted to your mind? I'm confused... what else could he have been attracted to? I also used to be very anti-internet relationships. This opinion is changing rapidly... guess I'll have to go change my profile on thespark.com. ah, well. Such is the price we pay. You do sound incredibly bitter. The hard part about internet anythings: Is it real? Is she leading me on? am I leading her on? Does it matter? Is this whole thing a joke, and nobody told me? As far as the "looking for my other half" theory goes... I recently had that one shot down, and I find myself very happy with the logic that destroyed it. Went something like this: "don't be half of me: lets help each other become whole individuals, instead." which is sort of just a semantic diversion of the argument / issue / idea, but I like it all the same.

Cat' you're utterly right. I don't really understand the concept of internet beaus. It's odd to me. I know someone who is marrying her internet boyfriend, and that's so wierd to me...very alien to think of it. I'm sorry you got worked, though. Lameness.

I don't know why Cat wants to air our personal stuff on the board, but that "lame" beau was me. There's always more than one side to any story. I don't want to get into a public discussion of our private stuff, though, so that's all I'll say.

whoa! my only question for internet relationships is, the long distance thing... how the fuck could you possible gauge how compatible you really are when you are apart. sure you can meet someone in your own town, but someone like antigone and cat.....they are thousands of miles apart? thats not a relationship.....how could someone in a similar situation ever say it worked or it didn't work?

Regarding the inital subject of this post, I'd definately go with the awsome friendship thing... but I disagree that they "aren't supposed to be more than friends." I'm honest enough to say that I felt little physical attraction when I first met my S/O. She was just another face among VERY many that I met when I moved away from home. Now she makes my knees weak just giving me a look. I find her mind-numbingly gorgeous. Stunning. I think physical attraction can have a lot to do with mental attraction. There are a few people that I was strongly attracted to until I got to know them... I went bezerk in a sense when I recieved my first nookie. In retrospect, it wasn't good nookie, but it was my first. I then proceeded to think about nothing but nookie for a few months. It happens. I have a friend who was, in the very recent past, essentially anti-nookie. Now, my friend is obcessed with the persuit of nookie, but the nookie has not yet been forthcoming. But the goal, I hear, is within sight. I'm all for the persuit of nookie, but it's rather unnerving.

Woah. Information I didn't need (not you, tbone). People are wierd. This is what I have decided.

I like getting involved with people over the internet: it's usually the first step to getting their credit card numbers, and bilking them for all they're worth. Which, really, is what this is all about. lessons learned: 1) Sorabji is not a place for relationships. We're all bastards. 2) the best thing you can do to atone for your sins is to open your wallet, get out any pieces of plastic that say "DISCOVER" or "American Express" or "VISA" or "MASTERCARD" and write down all the numbers on those pieces of plastic. then email all those numbers to: thought_magic@hotmail.com You'll feel better immediately. I promise.

physical attraction...hmmm... i know that it's usally easier if the guy is (1) taller and (2) older. but physical attraction can change. scary people become friends, then adoration objects. delicious people become moldy and sour. i think that if you're attracted to a person b/c of their intellect, the attraction can become physical. and who hasn't salivated over all the buff and gorgeous people that are all over the media all the time. i tried to avoid it when i was younger, but i can now freely admit that i like to look at attractive people. heck, at times i've even thought that a little bo is attractive. anything goes.

I like brains and a sense of humor,looks go away,so does hair,I think it's better to look at someone and see them,the person your use to,your friend.Not that their hair is going,or even so,you don't see that,you see your friend.I'm tanked though.

I think the compatibility of like psyches is probably more important than physical attraction[in long term relationships].We've all seen some gorgeous creature that stirs that chemistry,and then they open their mouth,and its ohmygod,what an idiot.That doesn't last.And we've all known people who perhaps initially we didn't find attractive,but the longer we know them,personality wins out,and they become much more appealing.I think,in my opinion,what makes a good relationship,[other than the obvious physical compatibility],is the secret things that lovers share.Its those knowing looks shared across a room full of people,when you know exactly what the other is thinking,and without communicating verbally,you both start moving to the door. Intelligence and humor are equally important,nothings better than being able to laugh with a lover about all the inane things that occur in our every day lives.Things you would never share with anyone else,but your lover understands,and you can laugh like school children.Yes,I think the secret things that lovers share is the cohesive matrix of romance.

I did an internet romance once. She was only 25 miles away, so there wasn't the long distance thing. I don't see any difference between meeting somebody online and meeting them at the laundromat. Once you've made the initial contact, everything else plays out the same as a "regular" relationship.

So what happened?

We went out for about 7 months. She was pressing for moving in together and marriage etc. I thought it was way too soon. I got scared and called it off.

When you met in person,did you find that your online compatibility carried over?Or was it awkward and weird?

No, actually it was very relaxed and easy. It became awkward when I thought she was pushing too hard too soon to move in together and talking about marriage and kids and picket fences, and I just wasn't ready.

Thats understandable[the too soon part].How long did you communicate via the web before you actually met?And when you did meet,did you feel like you really knew her?

About a month. I felt like we knew stuff about each other, not really like I knew her per se though. She was a sweet girl, older than me by a couple of years, and I think her biological clock was ticking very loudly. Sometimes I regret calling it off, and I think about what might have been, but she was my first serious relationship after my wife had died, and I felt it was way too soon and I didn't feel ready yet.

If you don't share common goals,chances are it wouldn't have worked out.And that "bonding for life" stuff is pretty scary,unless you're ready.When its right,you'll know.Have you ever called her since splitting up?And I guess all of us have experienced the "what might have been" syndrome.Maybe by not knowing,its our brains way of softening the discomfort of ending a relationship.

Bonding for life is scary. Maybe one of these days I'll meet someone online, fall madly on love, and marry him/her. Not likely. I have an aversion to it, it feels like a blind date to me.

No, we've never spoken since splitting up. I'd like to speak to her someday, see what she's up to, but I always hear that Phil Collins song Separate Lives in my head, "You have no right, to ask me how I'm feeling..."

Interesting. You guys just never had contact again? Gee, I wish it could be that way for me. "We broke up, get out of my life." Not always, naturally, but sometimes it would be really nice to just have them disappear. Do you think you miss her? I mean, do you really _want_ to speak with her again?

Yeah,that is a haunting tune.Maybe,if your relationship didn't end on bad terms,you could call her and ask her how she's doing,not how she's feeling.But probably best not to make the call,if you aren't prepared to either rekindle the relationship,or be blown off by an angry woman.Sometimes not knowing what might have been is the better option.

when I am attracted to someone mentally, the physical atraction just seems to naturally follow. If I think someone has a great personality, they start to look good. so all of the people I've ever been involved with or interested in have been very good looking. I can't understand being involved with someone and Not thinking they were nice looking.

No, I'm afraid I broke it off abruptly. She said, "Why don't you just rip my heart out." I felt about 2 inches small. I probably will never speak to her again, but I would like to know how/what she's doing. We don't have any common friends whom I can find out through though. I don't obsess over it, I just think about her sometimes, and hope she's doing well.

I agree. Once, in my drunken college days, I met a girl who had both of the things a drunken college guy is looking for, and, luckily for me, they looked very nice in her assortment of tight sweaters. I was dating a girl who I really connected with mentally, but there was nothing there physically. Sweater girl had everything physically, but nothing mentally. The age old battle of style versus substance. Being a drunk college guy, I, of course, went with style. Unfortunatley, I brought style to a party where substance happened to be. I lost my chance at a substantive relationship in favor of a brief physical tryst that ended poorly. The other day, Substance, who has since moved halfway across the country was in town for a wedding. We did a long cross-state roadtrip together, and recognize that I am, quite possibly, the biggest dork ever to step foot on this earth. I missed my chance with a really spectacular person, and nothing I can do will change that. Any person who judges more highly on the physical plain than the mental deserves exactly what they end up with.

I'm the same way. And I'll go further and say that to me, appearance is something I notice in a distant, mental way. I have never in my life started liking anyone because of their looks. Emotion is not involved in the assessment of attractiveness -- it is a strictly intellectual, aesthetic activity. Talking to someone, listening to them, watching them act, learning about them -- that's where the emotions come in. When I like someone (*like them* like them, if you dig), I like *them*, not their face. Of course, if they're attractive, it's a nice bonus, but it's not necessary. On the other hand, it's a rare day that I like someone in that way. Most guys I meet/know I always think of as friends. I have a friend, D, who is really good-looking and funny as hell and smart...but he's my friend, not someone I'm attracted to in that way. We're good friends. I'm really happy I know him, I enjoy being around him, I can talk to him easily...but I don't want to have a relationship with him. I have more to say on this matter, but I'll wait until I get home tonight.

Oops. I meant "I'm the same way" to follow Gee's post. I'm not a drunk college guy. I swear.

PPS. I know I misused the word "aesthetic" in that first post. I meant "aesthetically-based" or something like that.

Sure, Rhi...sure...I'd like to say appearance doesn't matter, but I know it does...I usually do fall for people's brains first, though.

is there anything wrong with appearance drawing us in, only to appreciate the mind as time goes on?

for me, physical beauty is a really weird thing. my ideas of beauty don't seem to match up w/ the rest of humanity. most supermodels & actors/actresses, for instance, generally strike me as repulsive. i do find certain things attractive (& unattractive) & these opinions seem to have remained fairly consistent throughout my life. kind of like little fetishes, i suppose. if a person lacks the desired attributes, i may have a tougher time finding them attractive. i don't fault people for not having these things. i just have to work a bit harder to find them attractive. in the 2 relationships i mentioned earlier, each party has something that i found less than attractive. not wanting to be shallow, i had to try making myself override those feelings. but it's hard. the first one was just impossible. i had a tough time finding her sexually attractive. she was covered w/ bodily hair. hell, she couldn't help it that her body was covered w/ dense, dark hair. sweet jesus, when she took her clothes off, it looked as if she had some kind of weird animal pelt glued to her skin. i often chided myself for being so shallow, but the fur was hard to not notice (like she'd be going around in her underwear & explosions of black hair would be sticking out in every direction). hair hung from her arms, her legs, her gut. real missing link action. but she was a very cool person & was like the sister i never had (she later went clinically insane & became extremely paranoid & malicious, which is why we're not together today). i also felt rotten about not digging the hair thing because it seemed like a denial of feminism (no, i don't expect all women to "look like ladies" & the truth is, i can't get turned on by femmes anyway...but still, this was pushing it for me). i think that people of all sizes, shapes & color schemes can be rather attractive. but i do like it best when they can match up w/ some of my own private aesthetic ideas. if they can't, there's still hope. i really do try to be as accomodating as possible. just about everybody has something that's attractive about them. somebody who looks like a fucking ogre might have beautiful eyes. overweight people can be incredibly beautiful. i think that there are very few people in the world who don't have something redeeming about them. if all else fails, there's the whole inner beauty thing, which is the most important of all. the worst thing is to find somebody who's not only unpleasant looking, but also has a crappy personality. that's kind of hard to work with.

No Patrick,there is nothing wrong with appearance drawing us in,but I don't think someone should limit their possibilities of maybe finding that special person,going only on aesthetic attributes. And Dougie,ever think of droping her a line?Maybe explaining where you were coming from when you ended the relationship.I know for me,sometimes its alot easier to write deep feelings.It would probably help her to feel better about the relationship,and probably help you with the remorse you feel for causing this person pain.

Yes, I've thought of that Czarina, but wouldn't she see it as me wanting to unburden myself and in a way, asking forgiveness of her, similar to how somebody who cheats on a spouse unburdens him/herself to the partner just to assuage their own guilt?

i think trust is very sexy. so is intelligence. i used to think, every time i had a crush on someone, that they'd teach me how to do neat stuff like play the trombone or speak manderin or something. come to think of it, many models are repulsive (even if they do have THE LOOK) because they don't look healthy. overly muscular people are disgusting. fat people (wait, not fat, i mean obese 'cause everyone and their dog thinks they're fat) are pretty bad. if you don't eat, i can't stand it. but give me a nice person that appriciates themselves (and me) and i'll probably think of them sometime. come to think of it, i've been trying to fatten my mom up. she looks like she needs some fat on her bones. i'm only 4 inches taller, but about 40 pounds heavier, and i'm pretty healthy. i just don't understand it.

I can't speak for her,but I know that I wouldn't take it that way.You would not be asking for her forgivness,but more importantly,giving her back her sense of worth.Nothing is worse than not feeling worthy of being loved,and when your relationship ended,it was obviously very hard on her,"Why don't you just rip my heart out".Word it carefully,let her know that it was you who was not ready for that intense of a relationship.If she can't understand where you were coming from,then she is probably somewhat shallow.So I wouldn't look at it as asking for forgivness,but rather as cleaning the slate.It was wrong of her to push so hard for a commitment,as relationships involve 2 people,and as I said earlier,if you don't have similar goals,its doubtful it will work out.Was her desire of marriage,kids and the picket fence,more than her desire for Dougie?Thats what love is all about,caring more for the other person than for ones self.

There's nothing wrong with appearance drawing us in. I, too, was with a hairy person, a large, hairy, humoungous person and it was a lot to deal with. I left before it became too much. I couldn't deal with the stress of it. No good. Dougie, you really should. Word it well and it will be fine. She'll thank you.

Oh my!Its kinda scaring me to know that there are all these excessivly hairy people out there looking for love.

They're everywhere...some of them try to hide it, but we can't escape them. They need to unite and love each other.

Weird. I was just talking about this to someone. For me, physical attraction is a *MUST*. That's not to say that I haven't dated my share of ugly men. But the key is, at the time, I was so enthralled with who they were, what they were about, that somehow they became attractive. So yes, the physical attraction does draw us in. That's normal. But what I might find attractive may not be what someone else finds attractive. (Though I like to think I have damn good taste.) Of course, I've been with people who I completely adore mentally, but physically, the electricity just isn't there. Course, then there's the physical attraction with no mental click....and those are fun for a night or two. The best thing, the best attraction (and I'm talking all aspects--friendships, serious relationships--flings..whatever) is knowing you both click mentally and physically. That's the thrill. I've found that as good of a lover as my partner might be...if I can't get the mental connection...at least on some level....fuck...I might as well not be there. When that mental connection goes....like when I'm angry with my partner...or we're not talking....and I try to make love to them...I end up feeling empty. It's like a huge vaccum that just sucks everything I love about myself right out...and I cry. When that happens, I know a relationship is over. I've met a number of people off the net. Some turned out to be huge dorks. (like Patrick. ::grin::) Some became romances. Some became friends. It's just another way to meet people....and I actually think it's a better way. I have no problem making friends..but as I'm getting older I'm getting pickier about who those friends are. Meeting people off the net...this sounds horrible...but it's almost like you can filter them. Besides, I could go out to a bar..meet people there...but the kind of people I want in my life...sad to say, they aren't nesc. going to be the types to frequent a bar. Ya know? Sides, none of my friends are ugly.

Okay, just a thought or two. Just about everyone who said something about this subject, said something along the lines of "an unattractive person, in time, becomes attractive, as you know them" Thus, making me think that all of us self-proclaimed "ugly" or "unattractive" ones, are doomed to have really long friendships,waiting and waiting, hoping that one day, this guy will turn around and be like, "I love you!" or some shit. So what are we supposed to do, sit around and wait for love to creep along, are we not suposed to have any of that love at first site stuff, or what? Why can't the unattractive, yet smart ones have those one night stands? For the simple fact, WE ARE UNATTRACTIVE. Sure, I am not going to lie and say that looks don't matter to me, but not quite as much as someone's mind. So when I am out, looking for a guy, I try to talk to every single one of them, just so I don't miss a chance to have some really great guy in my life. I mean, to say how much I really am not basing much on looks, I would say, if I met someone who had a great mind, and we were perfect together, I wouldn't care how they looked, or weather they were male or female. And I am not just saying that. It is the truth.

None of my friends are ugly either. I know what you mean about attraction, though, I date someone really ugly for their mind and realize once the charm is gone that he's uglier than sin. Geek boy is attractive, although he has this weird acne thing going on. Gotta watch out for that. Anyhow. I love that people come over and use my piano. Ben with the fake leg is working on a piece right now. I think I'll go over and join him.

what does a piano have to do with anything? heh. star, one of the key things to being attractive...and to people finding you attractive, is believing you are attractive. i spent many years looking back at the reflection in the mirror and hating it... somehow...over time...that image didn't look quite so bad anymore. i learned how to smile more. i started becoming more comfortable with my body. i'm still the same person i've always been...i just like how i look now. i take care of myself better. people find me attractive. i am. part of this comes from the confidence of knowing i am... does that make sense or does it just sound like an ego-encrusted girl babbling?

I'm comfortable with my body now, and I didn't used to be. I guess to some extent it is ego, but whatever. It's healthy and ok to feel comfortable with who you are. The piano has everything to do with it. It's a beautiful instrument, and Ben is a beautiful person.

I became comfortable with my body, then began to gain weight immediately. Ah, well. I need to find some time to exercise. Pez: Um, I could teach you how to play the drum and speak Japanese? Is that good enough? Part of the drastic increase in my attraction to my S/O stems from confidence she gained realizing that someone could really fall in love with her. I can often tell how she's feeling based on how she dresses and carries herself. She'll dress sexy when she feels sexy. She'll haul out her ratty sweatpants and sweatshirt when she feels fat. (She still looks hot in ratty sweatpants and a sweatshirt, but it's less likely to attract eyes.) Rambling. So yeah, if you (Star)go around exclaiming, "WE ARE [I am] UNATTRACTIVE" then you're pretty much screwed. You might luck out, but people can smell poor self asteem. Due to that very fact, my younger (Jr High - High School) years were nasty. Now I'm a cocky bastard and everyone wants me. (You hate me, don't you?)

No, I want you.

it's amazing what cockiness will do to you sex life.

It's amazing what a cock will do to your sex life, or so I've heard.

Cat, I love you, will you marry me?

"..we all want something beautiful. Man, i wish i was beautiful..."

I think I'm developing a crush on my boss. I liked him the first time I spoke to him on the phone because he was so awkward. I'm awkward on the phone, too, but not this awkward. That made me feel sorry for him and then fond of him. Then I had an interview with him. Even more awkward in person. On the tall side, mid- to late-40s, greying hair, not particularly attractive, but not unattractive either...plain, you would say. Very mild-mannered. Talked a lot -- vague, rambled. Somehow made me feel very comfortable. I noticed he became a lot less awkward after I had worked there for a week. He must have gotten used to me. That makes me even more fond of him, because it's funny to me that anyone would feel intimidated by me. He has an absent-minded but goofy manner to him. He's also very gentle and easy-going. I like him a lot. A lot. I find myself staring on isolated features of his: the straight profile of his nose, his sharp jawline, the freckles on his arms, his long fingers. He looks me in the eye a lot now. His eyes are very blue and wide. This is ridiculous. He's married and has two little kids. That's another thing that made me like him: when he and our department took me out to lunch when I got hired, everyone ordered things like quiche and mahi mahi and asparagus tips...and he had a cheeseburger and fries. He eats animal crackers sometimes. I don't know why, but I find this endearing. He must be a nice dad. He has pictures his kids made on the walls in his office. His office is messy and he's easily side-tracked. When we walk down the halls, I usually walk behind him because the halls are so narrow, and he always turns to look at me when he speaks. He gives me his complete attention when I drop in his office. I find myself brightening when he comes in to see me. He moves his chair very close to mine when we look at the computer. It's odd to turn to look at him when I speak and see his face so close. Yesterday this made me blush and I hope to God he didn't notice. Today he touched my elbow and told me he was glad I was working for him. The important thing to note was that I didn't feel at all uncomfortable, but instead I grinned and thanked him. That's the key. I feel free to be myself around him...except I want to tease him more than I let myself. He's very tease-able. I shouldn't be writing this. I shouldn't be thinking about this at all. I'll make it worse. The point is, no one would ever look twice at him on the street, and his shyness would probably off-put those who did, and yet he is attractive. I like him a whole bunch, and his wife loves him. (I hope she loves him infinitely. He's such a sweet and scatterbrained man, he needs an affectionate and patient wife.) OK, I have to stop now.

He sounds really sweet. I know a lot of people like that, a little shy and bumbling and really not much to look at at first...Although I haven't gotten crushed out on them, I must admit. I used to have a crush on my dentist, though. It was pretty funny. I would bring him cookies. Cookies. What the hell was I thinking, dentists don't eat cookies!