reading Oswald Jr. often makes me wonder if someone is pulling an elaborate prank. aside from some occasional spelling issues, the writing is great. obviously this person is a thinker who pulls from a large body of knowledge and experience to make connections to formulated ideas. it's really odd to see this level of writing in a fifteen year old, much less one who has been ignored by educators most of his life. because of this, i've had some doubts. maybe Crimson/Pilate/Pug have pulled the wool over our eyes. but fuck it, i've decided to have faith in the Captian. it's better that way. if he's not real, i don't want to know about it. so, assuming you are real Oswald Jr., i challenge you to write a book. write what you know. there are people all around who you can throw your ideas at, who can edit for spelling and/or grammar, who can help you get it published. i believe you have a unique vision. if you have any inclination to write, i encourage you to do it.

I was so suspicious, I emailed Crimson and asked her if Oswald was a very creative fiction. She said no incidentally. But Oswald, if you're the real deal, you have a lot of talent. Even if you're just a delusion of overactive imagination, you still have a lot of talent.

nate you are not alone in those thoughts. I've had the very same thoughts, that perhaps this was a big ass experiment....the whole shibang...if it is bravo, if it isn't, like you nate, don't tell me

nate, we've already addressed several e-mails about this very issue. i am not oswald. pilate is not oswald. pug is not oswald. oswald is oswald. period & the END, already. i'd just pass out the kid's full name at this point but pilate would kick my ass up between my shoulders. pilate's VERY protective of oswald's identity & does not want pictures or any other identifying information circulating about him on the internet. one thing that certain people can't seem to comprehend is the fact that there are 3 of us (there were 4, but pug got his own computer recently) posting off the same machine (w/ rare exceptions). so these bored people w/ nothing better to do enter in some kind of info & discover that we're all coming off the same machine & presto, they assume we're all the same person. all i can say is that somebody must really be bored if they've got time to hunt us down & jump to conclusions like that. pug. pilate. crimson. oswald. different people. repeat after me. 4 DIFFERENT PEOPLE. thank you. anyway, oswald's bright as hell. emotionally, he's 15 going on 50. there are days when oswald makes me feel like a downright moron. there are days when he makes all the adults around him look like monkeys. i also think he should write (believe me, i've been steering him in this direction for quite a while). he's trying to do a diary & having a bit of a hard time w/ it. it'll come, though. writing, music & oratory definitely seem to be his strong points. after pilate got to know brendan, he was so impressed, so absolutely blown away, that he KNEW he had to adopt this kid. the boy is frighteningly intelligent. he's a surprisingly deep thinker (when he decides to divert his attention from his wardrobe). the cap'n has stepped out to pick up some chow. when he comes back i'll have him look at this post. i think it'll make him feel good. he's had a hard time today in an emotional sense...trying to get a grip on why he doesn't fit in w/ other kids...when the truth is that he's so far beyond the other kids that he doesn't have much in common w/ them. he outshines them all.

i just looked at oswald's posts from today (i had seen them earlier but didn't have a chance to read them in-depth). the part about the gulf being fixed between heaven & hell blew my shit away. one thing that just trips me out about the kid is his memory. he has an astounding memory at times. that kid can quote more of the bible than most preachers. he can't really read the bible especially well yet, but he's heard tons of passages preached & he REMEMBERS them. he's fascinated by the stories of job & absalom & other biblical figures. he's religiously obsessed. he's also tormented by literal nightmares of hell & often wakes up screaming & terrified. he claims to see visions of dead people & hear voices "from beyond". i don't know what to make of it, but i do know that he's one remarkable kid. again, i agree that he should be writing. he has a unique vision & it'd be a damn shame to lose it.

did i not ask that question? if i didn't i was thinking it. he is brilliant. and i've been around a lot of people who think they are. he is.

i always believed oswald was real. ya little genius.

None of us is real.

We're all frighteningly real.

If you knew I'd post that, then I'm real to you.

If you didn't, then I still am. Fuck you.

"nate, we've already addressed several e-mails about this very issue. i am not oswald. pilate is not oswald. pug is not oswald. oswald is oswald. period & the END, already. " i certainly meant no insult by it. i haven't looked to see you were all coming from a single computer, mostly because i know you all would be anyway. i just thought, it would be a marvelous deception. and the only reason i would suspect the deception is because of how unexpected this 15 year old's intellect is. and really, i've decided not to be suspect anymore. it makes me feel good to believe in the Captain.

long live the cap'n.

hey, i didn't mean to be harsh or anything. i just kinda want people to understand that between working, trying to buy a house & generally dealing w/ life as we know it, i simply don't have time to be 4 different people online. i can barely manage being ONE these days. anyhow, the cap'n has gotten himself sidetracked (ran into a friend at the BBQ shack) & has run home briefly. he'll be back. i think he'll either be concerned by all this, or amused, or both.

I wish I weren't real.

no worries for non-entities.

I am glad you like my writing and it is a huge complament to say that I should write a book! I have tryed to start one online but when I get there I can not think of a damn thing to say. I have had a real feeling today of knowing that I am not like other people around me. I wish I could be more like other kids but Daddy told me if I was then I wouldnt be ME and its importent just to be my self. I have been thinking about church a lot and how this one preacher told me I may have gift of propfecy and I already got the gift of speaking in tonuges. Every beleiver gets a gift and if you are lucky God give you more than one. I see visions but I do not think they tell the future I think its just noise in my brain but its one more thing that makes me not like the others. I am geting more thick skined and do not realy care if you think I am a real guy or not cause un like you I have to LIVE inside of this skin and I know just how real that can be.

keep on living, man. i put my doubts aside. i've noticed that i write more here than anywhere else. something about this little "Add your message" box in a black field that causes my brain to unhook. most writers' advice seems to boil down to "write regularly". set aside an hour or so a day where you write. even if you're writing complete bullshit, if you are writing every day at the same time eventually your brain will connect being creative with this hour. but i don't know. i've never applied myself enough to do that.

I am writing more than I ever have before. I want to write songs too and make up stories but my big thing now is to write a diary but I dont know if I should write about past stuff of just things that are hapening now. I also want to just start talking some time and have some body type or write what I say and put it in good English and see what it looks like cause I am more smart than I seem I talk way beter than I can write. I want to spend more time with Dorian too he is very smart and helps me a lot I do hope we are always togeather. And now I gotta go home and crash I am starting to get real sleepy. When I lay down in my bed some times my folks sit on the bed and talk to me until I fall asleep I realy like that I feel very safe with them there.

write about your past in your diary. it will give context to what you're feeling in the present. the mind is not where art comes from. when you're worrying or analyzing you're paying too much attention. do you have access to a small tape recorder? that might be something to carry around. worry about who's going to type up what you say later.

do you draw? sometimes pictures help loosen the hand. sometimes looking at headlines in the newspaper can get me started. another thing i've done is word sculpture, where you find the words or stories to match to objects. it doesn't have to make sense to anyone but you. i like to carry a black hardcover sketchbook around with me--to draw, make lists and take down ideas. if nothing else, it keeps my life organized and keeps me entertained when i need to be still and quiet. don't limit yourself to writing--communication in any form is art, and is so much more than grammar.

Fuck good english. Just write. Alot.

a lot

Pug,don't be so harsh on yourself,J loves you:)

a scrotum

ascrotum

ascrotal

i'm sorry.

ascrotii

How can one use that in a sentence? "Write a lot," said Nate with ascrotii breath.

scrotum: akin to Latin "scrautum": quiver. "Write a lot," said Nate, his voice all ascrotal with excitement.

Most of the writing I do lately is shit like this----I don't know if that's a good thing....but if my writing's gone to shit.....that might be part of the reason why. J, you're a sweetheart.

Hey I wrote something! I really did. I wrote more than one thing mostly just small stuff, but one big story also. I will come back later and post. I worked my ass off to write it I write about my past and what it was like to be hustlin when I first got started up and I had a surprise how much bad feeling I have I am also proud that I was good at what I did and was hot enough to get growed men to fuck me but there was bad stuff and I realy felt it when I wrote. My Daddy (both of them) has talked to me about seeing a conselor I mite do it. But I am afraid to see one and it costs money and my parants dont need the extra bill.

Hey, Cap'n......please listen to me, okay? Do NOT worry about the cost. If you want counseling, just say the word and we're there. If you're scared, I will go with you. Or Trace can go with you. Or we will BOTH go with you if that's what you want. This is an important decision on your part but the cost is NOT an issue here. Don't worry about it for another second. I'm really proud that you've started these creative writing projects. I knew you could do it. I also know that you'll just keep getting better. Love you, kid.

Thanx I love you too Pops! And soon now I will post my first diary entry I am writeing all this as diary stuff. I type the biggest one into Crimsons' computer already so now I just cut and paste it so I can post it real soon. I DO worry about the money but I can not help it expecialy since you got me the goth coat and I know it was not cheap. FRUGAL was on my vocab list two weeks ago and I may try to be more frugal if I can. I will try to give you and Daddy Trace a break. If I go to counseling I will not go alone and please do go with me. Oh yeah you got some mail I put it on the kichen table for you.

Dear Diary, I stole these 2 suits of clothes from a salvation army store but they looked real cool tho they were a bit big and when I had to wash them I did it in the sink of a gas station but I had to do it one thing at a time cause it took them for ever to dry I would hang them in the branchs of a tree. It was very cold. There was frost when I breathe it was like smoke. I was very afraid to be there on the street but I had to look like I had real balls I know how to look vane and cold and hatefull but still beautiful which is what would get me laid. I can make people want me. Othar times I can look innosent and helpless which is more closer to the truth of it all. I can lean against a wall rub my crotch give a wink all that bull shit. I would go to making a 2 and then a 0 with my fingers that says 20 dollars and the bastard make a sign back sayen 1 and 5. Ok I will take that cause you know it is beter than nothing. With a blowjob it is bad cause they dont like you to use rubber. Geting fucked for real hurts but it is safer they will use a rubber at least thats how I saw it all back then. They call me baby and shit like that they want me to call them Daddy you are not my Daddy cause Daddy is the dumb fucker who put me out here cause I can not go home any more. Your fucking me and I want to scream and beat up some thing real bad. You Are HURTING ME. I want to cry but that will turn you off so I got to smile and put out for your 15 lousey dollars you prick I fucken hate you. I do cry some times I cry cause I want a REAL Daddy who will save me from YOU you motherfucker bastard you. Your breath has got beer on it. You ugly and you touch me too hard and you sure fuck me too hard I say take it easy baby I call you baby and you laugh while you make it hurt even worst. When I say it hurts you dont even care and then it hurts so much it makes me breath funny feel like my chest is gonna expload I start to cry in the pillow but you wont know it beacause I am not stupid. People do not give me money to cry they give it to me to fuck. With the money I buy food and hide it behind a rock which I covar with branchs and leafs and I hide food in more than one place. The food is always real good and I get water from gas station and keep it in a big red cup with a lid I call it my cantean tho it is just a plain cup. I still have my cantean too it is one of the only things I owned. I take a moon pie and eat it and sleep on the ground far away from my food so no body will find it and steal it from me. I cover my self with my coat. The end.

if you're gonna wear suits to hustle, hold out for more than $15, ok? or scrounge up enough to take out an ad in the back of a weekly. you may have to be 18, but in seattle you could get $150 for just jacking off in front of someone in a hotel room.

Oh my God 150 for just that? Holy shit! Some nites I worked for free cause the guys would roll me and take my money back. One of my outfits was a real suit that was black and the other was just a outfit without a coat so not a real suit. I could mix and match stuff so it was like I had more than two outfits and I fixed the suit jacket to look kinda goth. I got more stuff to wear when I got picked up by 2 guys that was a 75 dollar job but one drag queen was there she sayed my clothes was all wrong and I said so make them right and she gave me some things to wear and I gave her a free blowjob for that. I have fucked for clothes before it is what you have to do to get ahead.

OK, maybe $150 is the agency's price. it seems freelancers get less. here's an article from which I will excerpt. http://www.thestranger.com/2001-01-11/feature.HTML The Stranger's Consumer Guide to the best and worst of Seattle's wacky and wonderful boys of the evening. I stole a copy of the Seattle Gay News and began to make calls. Surprisingly, my calls weren't answered by the hacking, slurring junkies with mouths full of come I expected, but by boys who were friendly, bright, and surprisingly lucid. They were also too expensive. I was on a budget and in no position to drop $200 on a crummy 30-minute jack-off session. And some of the big, fancy ads with photos were actually covers for escort agencies, who just toss you whoever isn't OD'ing when you happen to call, not the man in the photo. This was tantamount to false advertising in my book--the old bait 'n' switch. So I was forced to narrow the search to the less glamorous ads with no photos. Almost all of these guys were much more reasonably priced, and I was able to arrange meetings with three escorts who were available, willing, and able to e-mail me a photo of themselves. But three escorts do not a complete review make. So I broke down and did what every gay man who is seriously looking for a slut inevitably does: I logged on to the Internet. Within an hour, I had my remaining three boys scheduled. All I needed was a boy (or boys) to arrive, drop his britches, pop a load, mop up, and go. No intercourse--heck, no TOUCHING--30 minutes max. JAKE 8:00 p.m. Stats Where ad appears: SGN Category: HARDCORE PARTY BOY Price: $100 PER HOUR Specialty: CREATIVE BOTTOM BOY/DOMINATION Orientation: "Does it matter?" The Come-On Attractive Escort Available 24/7 for hot, fun, safe, discreet encounters tailored to your preference. I am multi-talented, creative, and open-minded. 26 years old, Caucasian, blk/blu. 6', 145#, not hairy, clean cut. Prompt and Friendly. In/out, Cap Hill Location. Overview "Hi Sherman, this is Jake. If you could please page me back and include your room number this time... it is very hard for me to return your pages right now. I am at COSTCO with my grandmother." Awwww! What a fucking angel! Who knew escorts were such swell guys? Jake promptly returned calls and pages, and he was always friendly and professional. Physically, he is pretty much what you're looking for when you think "prostitute" (oops, I mean "escort"). His lean body is rippling with "boy muscle" (differentiated from regular muscle in that it exists due to a total lack of body fat). Jake is handsome and eager. But there is definitely a jaded and well-used air about him. His overall image is pliable enough to accommodate a wide range of fantasies: He can serve as the clean-cut nephew you'd take out to dinner, or the cheap back-alley fuck you'd ride like a Harley. When Jake arrived at the hotel, he grinned, shook my hand, marched to the bed, and went right to work. This boy is all business. He plopped himself down, kicked off his shoes, and stripped down to his blue-and-white striped boxer shorts. He leaned back and plunged his hand down his britches. All that was missing was synthesized music and bad voice dubbing. Scoring Jake gave a great little show, with all of the requisite moaning, gasping, and "Oh yeahs." But a few minutes into his routine, Jake began having trouble getting his little soldier to remain at attention. He attributed this to nerves, our unusual request for a "show" (he was used to more "hands-on" jobs, wink wink), and the Cristal he had had earlier in the evening. Cristal? Why, that is one of the most expensive champagnes in the world! Obviously, I am in the wrong business. Personality: 9 Performance: 7 Looks: 7 Load: 0 (CAN'T ANY SO-CALLED PROFESSIONALS MANAGE AN ORGASM?!) Overall rating: 23

Cool stuff! Thats pretty trippy. But how is my writing, that is what I want to know. Did I do a good job?

a good job? hell, cap'n, you did a GREAT job! i know how hard you worked on that piece. one thing that really comes through is the darkness & the feelings of anger, which is something we've been talking about. if you do see a counselor, you might consider letting the counselor see some of this new writing of yours. i thought it was great & the reader can really see inside your head, which is what good writing is all about. now go write some more. can't wait to read the next diary entry!

Why write more it must have realy sucked ass cause no body but you has said it was good and you just said that cause you know me. I dont want fake prase so it is ok that no body said it was good. Maybe I will write more but will not post it again I have made a fool of my self. At school they were right I am no good at this stuff.

you don't need us to know whats good man...now get your ass back in there and tell us more.... you're standin on your own two feet. what you wrote was so clearly fascinating, you don't need us to pat you on the back everytime....you KNOW when you are good. But if you want the pat...im sure we can get those too.

censors. you are a good writer. teachers wouldn't like the content b/c school is supposed to have no connection with the real world whatsoever. i like your posts, anyway.

Thanks yall. I see what youre saying Patrick I gess I should just do this for my self and no one else. I worked SO HARD on it tho and I hoped it would go over big but it is okay that it did not. It is one of those days when I maybe DO need a pat on my fuzzy little head I feel like Im on the rag or something the past 2 days. Your Cap'n is having a bad hair day but its last for 2 days now. I will improve I promase.

I just read what you wrote and you just rocked my face. Incredible writing there, Oswald. I look forward to seeing you in print some day. Of course, by then, perhaps you will be old enough that Pilate will let us know your real name so we can go out and buy all your books. Ps. Your spelling has really improved quite a bit, you know. Pps. speaking of being published, My article is in the latest issue of Fortean Times, on newsstands now at Borders and B&N, and for you Portland folks, at Powell's. It's the forum piece in the back on the Kensington Runestone.

well do it yourself first, and share it with others, but let no reaction, or lack there of provoke you into second guessing yourself.

Sem you are so cool its great you wrote some thing that has got in print! Thanx for saying that my spelling has improved I work real extra hard at spelling and it is not perfact yet but I am beter than I use to be. I will write more and do it just for me but I will still post some here. I want to know why my mood is so shitty these days I have dark stuff in my brain there is all this shit that make me afraid and I still dont know if I should see the counseler but may be it will be ok if I go see him I do not know what he will say to me or make me to do.

well, at least he probably won't make you suck his cock.

He beter not. I'd kick his balls in. I am not what I use to be which is a point I wanted to say a wile ago. I do not hustle any more. Most every body could probly figure that out but I just felt a need to say it. I am afraid of people tryen to get me back into the life but I have two good parants now and I will run to them if any body tells me to do weard shit to them. Not cause I'm a pussy but cause I've paid my dues already. I am not sure why I'm so afraid to go for counselling but if my folks go I will feel more safe I am afraid to be left in a room alone with some one like that he could give me shots or fill my head full of twisted bullshit or make me do stuff to him. I have this bad dream some times of a man in a dr. coat and he make me put my hand around his dick and he puts a needle in my skin and I start to scream and people come hold me down I hate that dream the nurse tryes to choke me by sticking stuff down my throat. They put sticks and stuff down in my throat and I am naked and got big needles coming out all over my body and real brite lamps are turned on right in my eyes. I have this dream a lot.

i'm going to a iprc potluck on thursday. i'm taking honolulu skillet beans and 40 copies of my zine. that dream sounds terrible. i used to have a lot of stair nightmares where they'd get smaller and smaller until i got stuck. have you seen tank girl (a movie) cap'n?

Oswald, Jr - I am the antithesis of "authority" when it comes to any sort of critique regarding the technical aspects of your writing, nor am I the sort to dole out generic praise indiscriminately, but I must say I enjoyed the up-close-and-personal quality of your discourse. And, for whatever it is worth, you got through to me, and managed to make me feel uncomfortable. - a reader

Oswald Jr. you remind me of me when I was your age,on the streets and with no one to love me or care about me,I still can't spell or write correctly,but I get my point across.God bless you Pilate,for doing the right thing.There was a thread once where they wanted to know who your hero was,I had two,my aunt Dare and Shaunna the bitch's mom,if not for Shaunnas mom I'd probably be doing what you did,but I did some hustling,and I know what that world was like.Everything is going to be alright Captain.

yes oswald....see? Your words can make people uncomfortable. GOOD!! BOTHER THEM!!! people need to be bothered, they need to twitch in their seats a little more often. we become to complacent.

oswald keep writing there will be good days and bad days and it will be years probably before you know for sure which is which just don't try to be or write like anyone else you have it in you don't be afraid of anything or what anyone thinks regarding your talents and what you do with them

i seem to remember william s. burroughs saying something like "if you write something that you think is brilliant, a masterpiece - burn it." meaning that if you write things just for praise or some ideal, it won't be as good as when you're running on instinct. i don't know about disturbed, but oswald's stories have changed me a little bit. both by the the subjects of the stories and they way they're written. they remind of "hucklberry finn", certain faulkner stories, and a book called "spider boys" by ming cher - about street kids in singapore, written in the local english dialect. i got this in my email this morning: "Primogeniture" - Franz Wright My dad beat me with his belt For my edification and further Improvement and later that other Stranger took over Somewhat more expertly Which both learned from their fathers Some heavily armed Monkeys, from Plato's cave To Darwin's -- So that's how it's done Here, I thought And may my hand wither May it forget how to write If I ever strike a child

Thanks for all the cool posts! Your Captain is sick today. I was going home last nite and got real sick it come on all suden and it was real nasty I barfed and stuff. I have a small fever and I am crashed on Crimsons couch she will watch me I did not want to be home alone. I am learning about paragraphs and how to break stuff up to make it easyer for the reader so now I will make a paragraph. Isn't that nice. And here is another one. I want to write more much more but I am feeling kinda sick. I am realy thinking about going to see the counselor but my folks say I should think about what I mite want to work on cause you dont go to counselor without knowing why you are going. I want to know can a counselor help fix my nitemares and, can they make me not have phobias. I get afraid real easy and I also cry real easy I dont know why that is it just come over me like a wave. Also can they help me when I am in a bad mood? I can not think of the day when i grow up I never want to leave my family I never want to do that. I want my boy friend Dorian when he gets old enuf to move in with us here. So me and Dorian won't have to move out he will just move in and then I will still be with my folks safe at home. I must think of things to work on with counselor what do I want to improve in my self this is my homework today in stead of my usual school stuff. What do I want to become? I am still afraid to see the counselor but I know I should proabaly give it a try. My folks explane that the counselor is not the kind of dr. who give shots and they say I can have a girl counselor if that will make me feel beter about it and it mite she will not hurt me I hope.

A counselor can definitely help you with your nightmares and phobias. She/he can also help you get a hold on your emotions so that they don't overwhelm you. S/he probably can't do anything about your bad moods, but s/he can help you understand and control them better. Say, Oswald, did you ever have that Roman food lesson? Did you write about it on here?

have you ever tried writing out your nightmares in detail, then looking up different aspects of it in a dream encyclopedia? maybe if you write it, it will leave. people need to jump sometimes, otherwise we'd just sit on our butts and turn into jabba the hutt.

I did do the Roman lesson! I forgat to post it here tho. I didnt cook as much Roman food as I meaned to but, I hung out with Violet she come early to the party and we made Isicia Omentata but put some change in it with the spices and it was real difarent tasting. We put on toges and hung around like lazy bums layen around eating grapes and stuff it was so cool. The next lesson is France in the middle ages my friend Keota will do that but she real busy with a big repoart now but she will come over soon and do her lesson and Dorian may be doing victorean days and Violet will do a lesson for us. My Daddy (Pilate) show up to my lesson with a big hat it was a helmet with a big red ploom cool as hell said it was trojan not Roman but what the hell and he wear sandels. My othar Daddy layed him on the sofa and feed him grapes with his helmet still on they got into the mood of it and every one said my lesson was real good. Dorian say he could just see the Averni try to fight off Caesar and that I did a great job and when I was done every body was claping there hands! It was real hard but it went over big.

excellent

Pez my folks want me to start a dream diary and we will look at it and try to under stand what I see in my dreams. I wake up screaming way to much. The dr. dream is very scarey and I can remembar a person in a white coat when I was very little doing some thing awful to me but I can not make my mind go into it deeper there is the white coat and a mans face and some one grabing my arms it just fade out from there but those dreams have been with me for so many years like my brain is tryen to make me bring up the memorys but when I am awake I can not do it. I dream of my dead sister and other dead people in my family and I mite write about that in my diary. My sister was real messed up she was retarded and die young. Also dreams of going to hell and being very afraid the demones tell me I am not saved but I say I am and they say no and I wake up and pray but then do not know who is right me or the devils in hell.

you might try meditating. find one thing that you can do to make the outcome of the dream better (for instance, i won't let the doctor touch me or i will leave the door open) and chant that to yourself, meditate on what happens in the dream up till the point of the action and put in the part of you doing this. imagine it and make it real. hopefully your dreams will be better.

I need to make my dreams beter thats for sure and I will work on that. I am still making my list of stuff for the counselor. I am at Crimsons place I came with Pilate we saw her lite on. Daddy left me here and now Crimson is playing Jefferson Airplaine and old hippy stuff. I had a bad nite I admit when I hear Crimsons moving my mood went real bad cause I don't want them to move. I got in a bad tempar I felt such dark stuff I did not know what to do its like every body wants to leave. My Daddy Trace mite get offer a new job that make a lot more money but it is far away & I got Dorian to think about and my friends and no body even cares. I do NOT want to move away from Dorian its bad enuf he will go away for colage dammit why doesnt anybody care what hapens? But I know its best for Crimson and Ren to move but God damn why can't people just stay close to me it is not naturel all this moving around. This is one more thing for the counselor what do I do when people are doing things I do not like. I will write more soon maybe a diary entry.

Oswald,life continues moving,and not always in directions we prefer.But you are with people/family now that will not leave you behind.You belong. Look at this as a new adventure.How exciting to see what tomorrow will bring.If you move away,there will be a big new adventure to participate in.New sights and sounds and many new friends to meet and enjoy.I love adventuring.It helps me keep my sanity[the little that still remains with me]

has anyone ever had their dreams in sync with someone they are sleeping next to? lately both of our dreams ahve been terribly vivid. last week, the wife, after receiving the pussy cat in the covers had "cat" dreams....literally dreams from a cats perspective. then last night....amongst other zany things...i was hanging out with Jakob Dylan...we were driving expensive cars in hollywood hills...we had these two girtls with us, one Im pretty sure was nico...one thing led to another...nico was marrying someone else...i was there...i was bawling like a baby...i was at the wedding, even my mom was there cheering for her....towards the end, after the message i was there...her new husband was some surgeon or something, he was around and occassionaly landed a peering eye on me, but otherwise was occupied. she kept kissing me and comforting me. then she handed me what look like a small note and a fortune froma cookie. i never got to read them. this morning, i tell her briefly, and then she said she was having dreams i was screwing another girl but that i didnt really mean it...that it was nothing...we didnt get to go into detail...but on the surface these two dreams are seem so damn similar... it makes me think that there is energy between us in our sleep that they need to hook machines up to and see if they can harness or at least understand.

my husband & i have had the same dream three times. not a similar dream, but the same dream. i didn't know that was possible. it flipped me out. in each case, i started telling him my dream the next morning...& he finished it for me. in vivid detail. he provided too much detail for me to cast any doubt about it. in the first one, we both dreamed about fighting against red scorpions. i normally don't believe in dream interpretation books but we looked in one at a bookstore & it said that it meant we were fighting against a formidable opponent...a very oppressive person or persons...& we were meant to win. the very next week, a major event happened in our lives where we totally derailed someone who'd been actively fucking w/ us for about 2 straight years. we got out from under her control & made her look like a total public jackass to boot. it was a sweet bit of revenge. before that dream, we saw no way out. after the dream, it came to us all nice & easy, right out of the blue. in the second dream we were in a synagogue. it's a long, weird dream, hard to explain. i could read fluent hebrew (which i can't). an old man took my husband to a jewish cemetery & kept frantically asking him, "don't you remember this?" people kept asking us why we didn't remember this place, either the temple or the cemetery. the weirdest thing is that not only did we have the same dream but about a year later my husband flipped out, showing me a picture of a temple in either latvia or lithuania & the outside of it was just like the one we'd dreamed about. the architecture was unusual. in the third dream, we were both english schoolboys. our relationship had turned homosexual. we lived in a dormitory together & sneaked out at night to go to this small chapel w/ stained glass windows, just to be together. in the dream "mercury" was part of my schoolmate's name. my husband woke up saying that he'd had the strangest dream...that he'd been a kid w/ the unlikely name of mercury & he & i lived in a dorm...& he filled in the whole damn thing, just as i'd dreamed it, right down to details in the stained glass windows. anyway, oswald & i have been talking about the whole moving thing. poor kid. he has a lot of separation/abandonment anxiety. i think he's still halfway expecting to be dumped high & dry, not REALLY believing that family relationships last. this is the first time it's been put to the test in his new family. he's got a lot of fears. he's also got more rage than i'd initially realized. when he gets upset something odd happens to him...he kinda blanks out & his movements become spastic. chattering teeth, flailing hand motions, inability to speak coherently, the whole thing, almost like a seizure. he can't control it. but he's dealing his emotions as best he can. he's trying hard to keep his shit together. i'm encouraging him to write everything down, which he's busy doing right now. i told him it was cool if he wanted to write some angry material, even if it's aimed at me (or his folks, or anybody else). i also think the counseling might be a really good idea.

When I get upset I go some place real far away in my head I do not know where I go and stuff just starts to turn black. When it is done I am on the floor my folks are holding me and saying its ok I am cryen and they tell me I will be ok and its ok to get upset but it does not hapen much. Lately things has been hard to deal with I do not like all this change I am real worryed about Dorian I do not want any thing to come betwean us. Why do people even bother geting togeather if all theyre going to do is change all the damn time. I want my family and friends by me all the time why does every one want to leave me? I want to say I will not stand for it but I got no choice cause choices are for other people.

they aren't leaving. this will be good for you, an opportunity to see that they won't let you go. and you might find that people don't need to be with you physically for you to trust their presence. it might take a long time, be strong. i once dreamed that i was pregnant. i talked to a friend of mine the next day [a male friend but we hadn't slept together]. he said that he dreamed that i called him, told him i was pregnant and to just 'go with it'.

Dear Diary, he had gray hair and he was old he wear some big rings on his fingers and good suits. I hustled him but he let me stay some times he cuddel me and I calld him Papa and he some times gave me food I sat on the back portch and eat it and pretend the house was mine he had pretty grass in the yard and a real cool dog. Then one day he gets this older boy to be his boy friend and I keep calling him and coming around and he says I can not keep doing that and he tells me he got a differeant boy friend now but, I know he will choose me over that boy so I keep coming around cause you can not give up. The man grabs me and shakes me real hard for a long time. He gives me a big slap on the face and says GO AWAY and push me into the wall. You bastard you. I was good to you I did not complane ever I was very good and did your house choares and you throw me away like a piece of garbage well now I hope you are in your coffin motherfucker for how you treat me. There are more people like you than like the good people in the world and that makes me sick. Maybe I do not realy hope you are dead but I hope some thing hapens to you to make you see you are WRONG you are so wrong to send me away and slap my face you will get even oldar and then some boy will use you just for your money and dont you be surprise if he beats you around you old fool. What goes around comes around you are not a good Christian you are not even a good lay you are just this boring old prick I use to know one time. I will always do beter than jerks like you cause i have a gardien angel and he keeps me from harm and all the bullys in the world put togeather can not beat my angel. The book you keep all your boy friends # in you call your Happy Book well heres some thing to enter in your Happy Book dickhead my angel saw from Heaven how you treatd me and some day youre going to pay and its not like I am going to ever forget it eiather. The end.

That one was kind of dark. Next time I will try and write about some thing more happy. I want to write about all kinds of stuff not just one thing but when I am in a bad mood I think a lot about hustling for some reason so that is what I wrote about again today but, I can write about more things than that.

it doesn't hurt so much when it's out on paper.

I have a new entry to post and I will post it soon. It is already wrote up and I just cut and paste it. It is not so dark it is just about my friends it did not come out like I mean for it to I wanted it to be deep but then I just talk about stuff in a not so deep way. Oh well not every thing has to be perfeact. I just have to keep writing or at least thats what Ive been told.

Dear Diary, I have this friend and her name is Violet. She is real cool and I love her to death shes just so sweet and funny. And she is smart and think of ways to defy authoroty all the time she is a cross betwean a goth and a Manson kid and other stuff too. At her private school kids make fun of her cause she is over weight. That does not mater to me if she is chuby. Cause she is COOL and the private school bitches can lose pounds but they can not gain COOL. She wears the coolest stuff of any body at her school. Violet has a friend calld Keota. Who is my close friend too. Keota is not goth and she is very pretty. She is like some kind of artist type and look more adult than the rest of us and seems way oldar than she is but I mean that in a good way. She has tons of class. Dorian is my friend and my lover. I say he is my lover tho some people just say boy friend but lover sounds way more sexy! He got golden hair and is a total hunk he is so damn hot and wear cool clothes and his folks have money but he is not stuck up. This is a paragraph. I love Dorian very much and do not want to be away from him and I wish we could be room mates. Its not all about sex stuff tho the sex feelings are there and we must deal with them. We are not aloud to be alone very long cause we mite get into troubel but that makes me crazy I want to be trust to be alone with Dorian but, I know we COULD get into problems by accadant. My folks know best but my hormones know a thing or 2 also. I would like for Dorian to lay on top of me and I put my legs around his back like a girl don't freak Daddy I did not say I realy DID this I just want to but theres more. I want to go on picknicks and big walks with Dorian and do nice stuff. We want to free of bull shit. To do what we like. Most every thing we do is real nice. When we almost do wrong it is cause we get to excite by kissing and I put my hand on Dorians belt but did not un do it. If you know how hot Dorian makes me you will know how good I am to obay my folks and do what I am told. I am trying to prove that I am trust worthy I do not want to fuck this up but holy shit I could die from being turned on. With Dorian this is a small part of it all I want him to be a lover and friend not like some kind of cheap fuck toy. I don't want it to come down to just sex when there is so much more. we have our own secrat world. Most of the time we dont even talk about sex we talk about every thing else. Its the every thing else that keeps us so close. We talk all the time and we are extra close friends. The end.

Fantastic.

Thanks! I work very hard on my writing. I want to write all kinds of stuff and work on music. Tonite Dorian is coming by we will work on music for the band. It is real hard to write music its all new to me it is hard to make up words that dont sound real dumb and it's even harder to make up tunes but I am trying my best. I still do not play so good. It's not all about hangen out in front of the mike I have to write stuff that works and that people here can play which is hard cause we are mostly new to playen music. In my diary stuff I say Dear Diary cause its all over this diary Crimson has from the 1950's and it ends with THE END. So I use those ideas I steal from a old diary I hope they are not dumb. I just kinda like the sound of Dear Diary. Like it's some thing alive that you can talk to. It is helpfull to write about people that hurt me and when I am done I kind of under stand it more.

imitation is the sincerest form of flattery. i talked to a lawyer last night at the iprc zinester potluck and found out some neat things, like how james brown sues all these people for saying "ooooww!" in their songs. i got advice on demonstrations and performing art in pioneer square, so watch the news for a big twisterfest in portland sometime next month. i love your writing, bren, it's good.

appropriating formats boy you are beyond yourself you sound many things, young insightful intelligent creative open interesting wounded remarkable and lots of other things but not dumb

Heather your post is so cool! Thanks! every one is being real cool. I have one more diary entry left over that I did not put here yet it is already done it is kinda dark but not to bad. I will put it here and then I need to get off line I will have dinner with Crimson and then I got to get on home for companey.

Dear Diary, I have done many things I should not do. But I don't think I did any thing so bad that I need a real bad beating tho its happend to me a lot. Not just by my father and bros. and Uncle but othar people too and so I will now talk about the Sand Man. He picked me up when I was still new and young and did not know much. He wants to beat me for a sex kind of deal and I say it's cool cause I think he is kidding me or that it is just a act. I call him sand Man cause he goes to the beach a lot and theres always sand left in his car he drives a hot car he had $$ but some how could not afford to vacum up all that damn sand. He smells like sand and his hair is the color of sand. Sand Man wants me to say that I am bad that I have done wrong and he ties me up and dress me in some lether and all that shit. I have to confes my sins and he puts a gag on me and I am all tied up. Then he whips me and it is real bad but then he just goes nuts atacks me and beats the hell out of me for real and I can not help but cry its so bad and then he does it harder still. I get blistars and by the time he fucks me it almost does not hurt at all cause the rest of me hurts so damn bad. He burnt me with a candel he yells at me and is very very mean. He leaves first then tells me to find my own way home well thats just great I am like 15 miles from home and I am bleeding. A woman sees me walken down the hwy. and ask me if I need help I say no just need a ride I fell down stares but I am ok now. Well I did not do one damn thing so bad that the Sand Man had to whip me for it. I tryed to tell him I was good but I had a gag . I am not realy so bad. When I promis to be good I mean it and so he didn't have to whip me so hard. Some guys are like that they want you to say your bad you are a whore and then they punish you. I wanted to never whore again after that but, I had to eat and their is nothing else to do. I did not desarve that beating and I hope the Sand Man knows it. The end. After I got done writing this I felt real upset I went to my Daddy Trace and just fall apart and he tells me that I am safe now and no body will ever do that to me ever again. When my other Daddy shows up he says to me the same thing. They say I may need to not put some of this stuff on line but some parts of it I think are not so bad so on line it goes. It is part of my life that is over but its like kinda still going on in my brain. Those men made me real upset some times they did not listen to me. Why did they not listen to what I was sayen it's like they did not even care. Well you should care about people even a whore even some body lower than a whore. People have to care about other people that is all. Or, you will end up with a country full of people that know about nothing but hate.

one thing that surprised me today. i had to get a bunch of shoes for a boy, maybe 12 years old. i grab the shoe he wanted in the size he asked for, 9 and 9half, but that didn't fit. so he had me go back and grab 10 and 10half for him. when i came back, i handed him the boxes and said "here ya go." "thank you." was his reply and he held out his hand. did i forget something? is he going to grab my side? what's going on? he wanted to shake my hand! i have never encountered anyone wanting to shake my hand, particularly while working. it was one of those things that leaves you speechless for a moment.

Some ideas for future endeavours from Oswald jr. (whom I struggle to refrain from calling "O. J."): Collect your writings together, send in to 2.13.61 for publishing. Spoken word? You remind me of Jim Carroll. In a good way.

i remember listening to "this american life" one afternoon and thinking that it would be interesting to print out all of the oswald stories, starting with when pilate first started talking about him up to cap'n shakespeare's stories now, and edit them together for a radio diary. i can sort of hear it in my head. i really liked the sand man story. as much as you can like a jab in the gut. very good writing. someone once told me the some philosopher would begin his diary entries with "dear friend,".

Crimson use to do zine stuff and she say maybe I can put some my diary stuff into a zine and my real name will not be any where on it and we can send it to a few folks that want to see it like maybe people from sorabji. I would need to write a LOT to fill up a whole damn zine with diary entrys but I been writeing like crazy so it mite be possable. When it get done we can send copys around to folks. I went to the City Pound with Crimson today there are tons of dogs that will get kiled if no one takes them home. A few cats but most all dogs. We both felt real bad for the same dog I dont know if my folks will let me have it and Crimson is just in a apt. where you can not have dogs but she is in betwean moving to where she can have a dog. it is a tiny dog with Poodle in it and very old and it move real slow and no body has wash it in like a hundred years. It is real extra sweet and needs help. We take it out on a leesh in the sun shine. It lickt my nose. When we first walk in the sheltar some one is leaveing there cat they say they dont have time for any more. Real pretty cat it was puring real loud as they try to dump it. Sem if you want to call me O.J.that is cool but, it will always make me think of that O.J. Simpson guy and I don't look any thing like him.

which episode of tal were you listening to, droopy? I liked the recent pledge drive two-hour episode. especially the story about the brother and sister who made up that elaborate babysitting story for their crazy mom.

i remember that one, but not from the pledge drive show. the original airing, i guess. all i caught from the last pledge drive was a story about a mexican-american girl trying to break away from her family's traditional mindset, and a funny bit about how a t.a.l. t-shirt changed a girl's life. actually, there wasn't one show that suddenly inspired me - it's just that when i listened my mind would wander. it just seems to me that the whole oswald chronicles as told on these boards - by pilate, crimson, and the lad himself...all good writers in their own way - is a good story. just idle thoughts. it's not even my story to tell. i'm still trying to finish up my life story as a puppet show. i just thought of an episode of t.a.l. that begins with ira glass telling a story about a time he was in a dressing room with his ex-girlfriend. she had a new boyfriend and ira had some "what does this guy have that i don't have" worries (or something life that, i can't remember). anyway, at on point the girl takes of her bra there in the dressing room while he's sitting there on a chair (he's thinking: it's not like it was anything he hadn't seen before, but still, they're not dating anymore, ya know?) and carelessly tosses it over at him so that it lands on his head. then she turns around and says, "oh my god, you're going to use that on your radio show aren't you?" then i thought about your professed love for ira glass. it occured to me that...if you think about it...ira glass speaks with...ellipsises. and i thought...how long could cyst go in this relationship before that just...drove her crazy? i have to say...that'd be a great show, too.

ira glass would not use ellipses in a transcription of his monologue. I'm sure of it. the dressing room story is on the tal cd, which I borrowed from a friend a year ago and never got a chance to return. I liked the story about the mexican girl. I was expecting the follow-up interview to be all about how great college is, but was pleased to find out her new life was shitty too.

So do you think its a good idea for me to write my diary entrys up in a zine or is that dumb. It will be like a little book Crimson showd me one and there cheap to make. I dont know what to call it yet and I can not use my real name so I will probably just be The Captain or some thing like that. I liked Captain Shakespeare too. The first set will be mostly hustle storys like when I got to be every bodys whipping boy i don't know why men like to beat me around but I did a lot of that and all I can say is some folks get into some real sick shit. One guy tell me I was so cute he just wants to whip me good and I dont get that shit if I'm so damn cute why don't he just kiss me and not hit me I am cuter when I am not bleeding.

sounds good to me, captain. when i looked it up in the dictionary, it said that an ellipse[s] is a plane curve in geometry and ellipsis[ses] is the dots thing signifying an omission of words or letters. ira isn't omitting words, just adding pregnant pauses. in my mind he speaks with the little dots; when i listen to him on the radio the dance around in the air like tiny flies. i mean this in a good way. sort of like the way i find sarah vowell's voice really sexy.

www.thislife.org here are some of my favorite stories from "this american life," which is the best program ever. I feel fortunate that my own life happens to coincide chronologically with its run on the radio. if you pledge to public radio, wait until this show is on to make your call. "all things considered" will always be with you, but you may not always have "this american life." these first three are the ones droopy and I have been talking about. http://www.thislife.org/ra/91.ram An American girl turns 18. Sylvia's parents are immigrants who want her to be a traditional girl. http://www.thislife.org/ra/42.ram Host Ira Glass talks about the drama of trying to be "just friends" with an ex-girlfriend. The meaning of the title will be clear if you hear the piece. (17 minutes) http://www.thislife.org/ra/175.ram The McCreary story had all the cover versions of songs from Mary Poppins available on MP3 (see our bonus tracks page for links), and the last story, where Myron Jone and Carol Bove explain what happened when they were teenagers, and they ended up babysitting children who didn't exist, got more response than almost anything we've ever done. ------------ http://www.thislife.org/ra/168.ram This is one of the most riveting shows we've ever done, about seemingly one of the most boring topics: international price-fixing in the feed additives market. It's the story of the FBI sting of food giant Archer Daniels Midland, and its pleasure is two-fold: one, you get to hear powerful men, conspiring in ways you often suspect they might, but never know for sure. We play cuts from the FBI surveillance tapes, in which super-rich executives casually divide world markets, call customers "the enemy," and in general, sneer at the notion of competitive free trade. The second pleasure is equally great: the improbable story of the actual FBI investigation. It's a rollicking tale of unlikely twists and lucky accidents, all brought about by one strange man: Marc Whitacre, whiz-kid ADM executive, and simultaneously one of the best and worst cooperating witnesses in FBI history. http://www.thislife.org/ra/90.ram This show has a story that's simply perfect for radio: a man suspects his teenage son is doing drugs. He starts taping his son's phonecalls and finds out the son is dealing drugs in his ritzy high school. From there, things unfold in a surprising way, in a story told without narration -- using only the voices of the son, his father, and the recordings the father made of the son's phone calls. http://www.thislife.org/ra/36.ram Host Ira Glass and playwright David Hauptschein took out advertisements in Chicago inviting people to come to a small theater with letters they've received, sent or found. People came for two nights, and read their letters onstage. Some were funny. Some were poignant. They told a wide range stories: a heartfelt letter from prison, a hilariously pretentious job letter sent to the New Yorker magazine, a wringingly sincere teenage "should we be more than friends" letter. Four hours of letters were recorded in all. These were edited down to an hour of letters, with a few unusual songs about letters thrown in. http://www.thislife.org/ra/62.ram Act One. Hands on a Hardbody. Excerpts from a documentary (Hands on a Hardbody) by filmmakers Rob Bindler, Chapin Wilson and Kevin Morse on a contest held every year by a Nissan dealership in Longview, Texas. Twenty-four people stand around a $15,000 hardbody pickup truck. When the starting whistle blows, each person puts one hand on the truck. They wear gloves, so as not to mess up the paint job. And they stand there ... and stand there ... until one by one, people get tired and drop away, and one person is left standing. That person gets to keep the truck. We hear a long interview with Benny Perkins, who won the truck one year and was back the year they made their film to try to win again. He says a contest like this is not easy money. You slowly go crazy from sleep deprivation. (17 minutes) http://www.thislife.org/ra/61.ram Act One. Opening Night. Writer and TAL Contributing Editor Jack Hitt tells the story of a small town production of Peter Pan in which the flying apparatus smacks the actors into the furniture, in which Captain Hook's hook flies off his arm and hits an old woman in the stomach. By the end of the evening, firemen have arrived and all the normal boundaries between audience and actors have completely dissolved. (23 minutes)

do you know what sarah vowell looks like, droopy? a friend of mine (from whom I borrowed the CD) interviewed her last year. her photo's on the inside back cover of her book. she's like three feet tall.

she was on the david letterman show one night. this was a while ago - plugging "take the cannoli". if i remember correctly, she was wearing a denim dress and sort of a baggy shirt. she looked cute. she seemed a little nervous, but she managed to get in a couple of good jokes. guys in wheelchairs like short women. less strain on the neck. i had my first cannoli a couple of nights ago. from an italian take-out called "giovanni's". it tasted like a sugar cone (like for ice cream) in a tubular rather than conical form drenched in a slightly more liquid form of birthday cake frosting. there's gotta be someplace around here where i can get a real one.

I found out TAL is the third most popular show on public radio (after car talk and prairie home companion). I'm sure PRI doesn't plan to drop it, but ira glass sometimes talks about doing work in television.

Dear Diary, I like my home now. I like being there a lot. I took a bubbel bath and now Im all clean. So clean I squeek. In my old house I did not get to be clean much cause there is too many people and you cant' get in the bathroom for a real long time and can only use a little water so you don't be wastefull and Mamma made my big bro. give me baths even when I was too big and he hurt me I hate bullys so much. I am small build and it is hard for me to fight I use to let people pick on me too much and I'd feel very upset about it later. Every body else get over being hurt I carry it inside of me and it is like fire. My clothes are clean now and I have a bed. I work very hard on my school and I try to help in the house I come a long way from when I stealed food and when I sleep on the ground like an animal. My new parents are very good to me and I have only once made them upset and they were not realy mad just worryd I left at nite they did not know where I went to. And they were afraid for me. My Daddy (Pilate) was real freaked and it make me afraid too. He was so worryd for me he came all the way to get me and he told me NEVER do that again! But, he give me a big hug too. I remamber how afraid he was and it make me think twice about disobeying. Some times I want to go see Dorian its a real long walk miles away but it CAN be done and go see Dorian at like 3 in the morning. Go to his window and hit it with rocks til he answers me and then we be togeather. It is a thought that is so exciteing. My folks would get afraid tho so I do not. Some times Dorian hides his phone in his bed under pillowes so you cant hear it ringen and I call when its to late for him to be geting calls and then we talk in secret. That is not being too bad I dont think. We play the someday game. We each say a thing that we will do someday when we are adults. It is not a big deal excapt once in a wile it gets hot. Someday my dearest I am going to make love to you. Someday no body can stop us. If you are wonderin when Someday is it's probly my 18 birthday. On the midnite of Someday stand back cause I'm gonna colect. But for now I do my best to behave and for me that takes extra work. The end.

Sarah Vowell is awesome. I like her on radio but her book I thought was only so so. I did get to see her live when TAL did a tour here which was awesome, they taped a live show. I think I looked a little like her before I lost the weight. I don't have that face but the clothes and hair I did. She was awesome on Letterman too. I want her job

When you are almost 18 are you too old to be grounded? Dorian is in troubel but not too bad I am in a little troubel my own self. He skip school to come see me we got caught. Dorian had a big fight with his Daddy and he sayed fuck you old man and his Daddy slap his face hard. Dorian has nevar talk to his father like that befoare. His father does not hit him hardly ever it was just a bad thing there has been much tenshion betwean them these days. They have made up now and it is okay but Dorian is grounded and I mite be I dont know yet but it was not realy any thing I planned I think i mite just get a good talking to. But, Dorian is grounded he is not happy about this he think he is too old for this shit and he may be right. But his folks let up and say that the one thing Dorian can do is call me on the phone but only for a few minute at a time but that is beter than nothing they took away his car keys. Dorians father said that he could stay home since he missd most of school today and Dorian tells his Daddy he is very sorry to smart off to him like that and he buys his Daddy lunch and they talk a long time. For me I have to wait until my parants get home my Daddy (Trace) already know about it and my other Daddy (Pilate) may know too by now and I will have to see what will happan to me if any thing I did not tell Dorian to skip school but I am not inosent eather cause I told him to come on by so Your Captain may be in the dog house.

I'm 38 years old, Brendan, and if I said "fuck you" to my dad, I'd still expect to get slapped, if not decked.

Dorian does not talk to his folks like that I am not sure what made him do that he hardly ever says cuss words at all and he is very quiet and polite. He should not have said that.I have said fuck you to Pilate but it was just a joke and it was befoar he adopted me. Dorians folks been fighting and its driven Dorian and his sister crazy they are real upset about it and Dorians kinda got a fuck it atatude this week if his folks can not be nice why should he. So fuck school and fuck the old man too. But Dorians folks have money he live in a nice house has nice stuff lots of $$ and its not his own he get it all from his folks so he owe them some good maners. Dorian sayed he knew he was wrong the second he said it he knew he had screwd up big time. He get slaped so hard it damn near knock him to the carpet. He cryed which is also not like him and his Daddy finds out then how much the fights upset him and every thing it is not just about the fact that he snuck out of school Dorian is having a bad time of it. He come to see me cause I'm one of the only people left he can talk to I help him keep his shit togeather. Anyway Dorian and his father are now having talks which is real good but Dorians father calls my Daddy Trace to tell him what we have done and I am so busted. But no mater what my folks say even if I am grounded I will not say fuck you to eather one of them.

i wouldnt advocate slapping one's child...i just don't believe in that kind of punishment...(dougie as an adult...its a different i think). but the kid needs to realize those words have ramifications and that they can be offensive to people, especially parents.

heck, i can't even say the word "butt" if my mom is within earshot, and i'm 19.

And when I was around 15, if I KNOWINGLY disregarded the house rules about not having friends over when they're supposed to be in school, and if my folks somehow mysteriously got a call from some other kid's father, I might have gotten GROUNDED. And I might also be saddled with a few extra chores around the house because it'd be obvious that homework wasn't enough to keep my young ass busy. However, the truth is that if I had done these things at 15 I would've run the risk of having the hell beaten out of me. And at 15 I would've been as subject to temptation as any other kid. So I kinda almost understand. But rules are rules. So, Cap'n, enjoy washing the dishes and hauling out the trash and hey, cleaning the bathroom too, in addition to your regularly scheduled gruntwork.....for the next week. Enjoy being grounded for that same week, except for going to visit Pug and Crimson, which you can still do. And you can talk to Dorian on the phone, but only if he calls you first. It could be worse, kiddo. The almighty Dad hath spoken. Selah!

that's lame pez. but rules are rules. i don't want you typing no more naughty words.

This is not hardly what I would call a selah moment. But I under stand and its cool I will do what you say to do. At least I can go to Crimsons place and I can still post here but I dont know what to do about Keota coming over to do her lesson cause plans were made already but, we can talk about it. I am sorry I did not tell Dorian not to come over I felt I could not say no to him I did not want to be rude and I just wanted to see him he is my boy friend. When he show up I could not slam the door in his face or tell him go away and that is why I let him in and he was not hear long and then his Daddy show up pounding at the door I thought I would die! What a day. This is extra bad cause I said in an other post here that I try hard to be good well Your Captain blew it. We all make misteaks I just make more than most folks. I am sorry and your right it could be worse. I will stay at Crimsons for a wile tho cause it's about to be a thunder stoarm.

Whoa. I forgot about the whole Keota thing. Hmmmmmm, I'll have to think about that one. And since you're grounded and can't get out, and you might starve to death or something I guess I'll have bring you a pizza tonight for dinner. We'll talk. Maybe have a nice quiet night at home. Love you, kid.

Aint he cool. Even tho he's the kind of tyrant who would ground a kid and make him wash the dishs and stuff. If we get pizza tonite thats one less thing I gotta wash. Love you too Pops.

i'd say no keota, too. i'm afraid of what cleo could be like at 16. terrified.

I'm actually in a pretty good position. Okay, Brendan screwed up today, but on the whole, I've still got one of the best kids in town. Christ, there are kids running around here addicted to heroin and meth. There are kids here who are violent, depraved little bastards. Dorian is also a good kid but he's going through some trying times. I think he's also feeling the "I'm almost legal" syndrome (you know, 18 going on smartass). They're both good kids, really and truly. And now they've got something else in common: they're both grounded. But it's only for a week. It's not like we've thrown them into a dungeon and are torturing them or anything. Note that I didn't pile on extra homework. I never want to use homework as punishment. Ever.

I am back. I have left a school book at Crimsons and had to come get it. Anyway I want to say that I do not blaeme my folks for my being grounded. It was my fault I am not sure if what I did was bad enuf that I desearve grounding but, if that is what they say then ok I can roll with it. At least it is not a whipping I think what I did was bad but not as worst as it could be we could have been in bed nude and geting high. But we did not do that and we won't. Dorian is good and I love him for his goodness even if he got slap down today. Him and his Dad are worken things out they realy talked a lot today. He sayed that he saw his folks huging each other and it make him feel much beter about things. My folks were real nice to me tonite but I am still grounded dammit all to hell. Oh well I realy do need to put more time into my home work anyways and this week I can catch up.

I stayd up late working on a paper and doing my English which is real hard I cant under stand past tense at all it is too much. So I am just doing one word at a time. Like LEAVE. I have left. I will leave. Shit I don't get it. Their should be easyer ways to do past present and future. I also screw up a vocabulary word this time I hate it when I do that I did not spell COMMIT right. Theres a tornado watch I am being left (leaved?) at Crimsons' place it is safer here if any thing gets bad but, I am very sleapy and I will crash on the couch for a while. Lots of thundar out there and also rain. Crimson is going to flea market over the week end and I am so use to going along but now Im grounded and I cant go even to flea markets this is maxamum suckage. I will be free again by next Tuesday until them I am under house arest but it will be okay. I did not think I would realy get grounded but it is cause I have been in troubel for this exact same thing befoare with my friend Violet she would skip and I would take her in. Lord we use to have fun when she did that it was like some kind of bigass holaday.

Damn, pizza for a grounded kid? Can I come grow up at your house, Pilate?

Hey, sure. The more the merrier. I just figured that I wouldn't be a TOTAL hardass on Brendan for this. I do understand that he was thrust into a weird situation (your boyfriend surprises you by skipping school, you answer the door and know that you're not supposed to bring him inside.....but you don't want to leave him standing there in the street, either). He's still grounded but I'm not exactly running a concentration camp here. He's doing his additional chores with little complaint and actually putting some extra effort into his school work. I can't complain.

not to undermine your parenting or anything, but I'm with the capt'n. I don't really see what he did wrong. Certainly, nothing I wouldn't have done in the same situation. and you know i'm the pillar of morality. hell, i had a friend in need knock on my door and i let him stay for a year. but still, i'm no parent. daddy knows best.

nate, if the rule is that no one comes in during the day, that's that. if you start making exceptions, you may as well not have rules. that means making them sit on the front step if they show up before the parents get home because "but, they just got here a few minutes ago" will quickly become a ½ hour, an hour. more than enough time for a blow job and a beer. i think that, compared to oj's past, that hardly even rates on the cruelty scale.

Feel free to question my parenting. I do it all the time. Anyway, here's the breakdown. This is what the Cap'n did wrong: We don't have too many house rules here but one of the biggies is that when we're gone (at least during normal school hours) Brendan is not to have any friends over. Brendan's home-schooled, so he's here all the time. His friends go to various "regular" schools. In other words, they could easily get the idea that skipping school and hanging out at my house is a hell of a lot more fun than actually going to class. What Trace and I really fucking need is to be busted for harboring delinquents (which is pretty much what they become after a certain amount of truancy). When these kids' parents find out that my house is suddenly a recreation hall for their wayward kids, they get kinda pissed at me. Also, one friend will tell another about this cool place where you can skip school and hang out.....and before you know it, I'm harboring all kinds of teenage freaks, some of whom might not be as benign as Brendan and his cronies. It's a bad situation that's best solved by the kid just cooperating and NOT having people over during school hours. What's more, I have this fear that as more kids show up here to skip school and party on my patio, word will get out that Trace and I are gay. We worked damn hard to hide that fact during the adoption process and I don't want it widely known. It could only lead to trouble. We're normally out of the closet but we've got a delicate situation here with Brendan. There is a remote possibility of the adoption being overturned if the truth got out and I'm not willing to let that happen. If Brendan's friends want to come over AFTER school they can certainly do that. I'm not sure how I feel about Dorian being here while we're gone, though. I personally don't think it's a great idea (it could be a recipe for disaster). So what Brendan did wrong, in a nutshell, was to violate the house rules. He got in trouble for hanging out with another friend when she started chronically skipping school and hiding out in our home. Telling him to cut it out obviously wasn't enough of a deterrent, since he did again. So maybe cooling his heels for a week will help him to understand that I'm SERIOUS about this shit. All commentary is welcome.

what your doing is totally sensible....and (sorry Cap) a week is nothing. Considering yourself lucky kiddo. nate your situation involved two grown adults, granted it seemed one was acting an ass and overstaying the welcome, if i recall correctly.

Welcome to parenthood Pilate,that's what robs your sleep.

and that makes sense. see, i'm not a parent. i didn't get punished much as a child.

I can under stand why my folks ground me but its a real pain in the ass allready I was wanten to go to the city pound today play with the dogs but I could not. Crimson make it over there but I can not. Its hard for me to say no to my friends. Cause if they skip and come by then I get all day long to hang with them and we can do real cool shit. When the folks do there big talk with me last nite Trace was more like a dad than I ever seen him befoare. He is more like my buddy and Pilate is more like a real Daddy but last nite there they was BOTH being Daddy and I did not want to cross them any more. They lay down the law to me! Then they hug me and say I love you and it will all be okay. This is day 2 of Oswalds captivaty. I would ask the congregeation to have pity upon my poor teenage ass but I kinda did this to my own self live and learn.

Oswald (and Pilate) You may find english homework a bit easier if you read a little about why english as a language is what it is and how it got that way. I recommend very highly Bill Bryson's "Mother Tongue" which is an easy read, engaging and very entertaining. Plus, it will help you understand why the past tense of some words in english are so weird, and you will be thankful you are learning english and not some other language. It seems to me that in my own experience, knowing why the tenses are wierd and so on while I was being taught them would have made it more interesting to learn. Perhaps that's something you can work on during your Babylonian Captivity. Heck, if you do it and tell me all about what you thought, I'll give you some extra slack credit.

Any book that can tell why English is so damn hard sound good to me I am terible with past tense and all that stuff. But I have come a long way and I also type way beter than I use to. I am working extra hard on my new vocab words I want to make 100 this time one of my words is REDUNDANT. I like the way that sounds tho I know to be redundant is not a good thing. Extra slack credit is cool cause by the brass balls of "Bob" I need some slack. I would like to write up a Subgenius rant and put it here some day and I would work to make it real good cause I wanna rant in style Crimson got these zombie movies here I bet would be way cooler than my home work. She has cooked and, now its time for the feeding of the Archbishop.

Zombie movies should be part of your homework. seriously, check out that book. laptop computers are a pain in the ass, but even more so when you are buzzed. Although maube I should take that back, but nah.

i love this.

Hi Oswald....Have you ever heard that song by Mr Bungle that has the chorus of Redundant...Redundant...Redundant with Mike Patton screaming it at the top his voice? It seems like you have a good thing going with Pilate and Trace, so mind what they say to you all right? As a parent myself, I know that it is not an easy thing to raise a son, and being grounded is pretty light if you ask me. Anyway, keep uo the great work. Try to read everyday, it will really make a difference. Good Luck!

Oswald, you should write a play that starts off with this dialog: Kippers for breakfast, Aunt Helga? Is it St. Swithin's Day already?' 'Tis,' replied Aunt Helga...

Skooter I have heard of that song! Crimson told me about it she is tryen to find it for me. Bart I could do that. Like if I knew how to write a play and stuff. But any thing I put after that would not sound a damn thing like what I started off with. Kippers for breakfast, Aunt Helga? Is it St. Swithin's Day already?' 'Tis,' replied Aunt Helga...and then the big bald guy with a Charles Manson tatoo on his neck start to fist fuck the fat Mexican drag queen til she fall over and dies. The end. Hows that. There is a scary movie on TV its real gross I try to act like shit like that dont bothar me but once in a wile it does I try to be cool about it cause people would think I'm a pussy but some times stuff just gets kinda weard. It give me nitemares no mater how hard I try to erase it from my mind. Some of it does not mess with my mind tho. Old horor flicks are the best the kind that come in black and white.

i like subtitled films. cocteau's "beauty and the beast"...there's "the seven samurai", but i don't know who did it. i've seen "the bride of frankenstein"...it's sorta weird, because the title character is screaming the entire time she's alive...

akira kurosawa directed "seven samurai". i like old horror flicks, too - like "nosferatu" and todd browning's "freaks". gabba gabba hey.

Oswald...I think that it is on Mr Bungles very first album, the one with a picture of a scary clown on it. That record rules. In fact it changed my life, songs about sex with food, songs about the wonder of pooping...It's awesome. It sounds like evil circus music.

I was thinking more along the lines of a British soccer hooligan, Oswald, but I guess a bald guy with a Charles Manson tatoo would work too. Beauty and the Beast and 7 Samurai are awesome movies. Jean Marais, the beast in Beauty and the Beast, was Cocteau's lover. I love the scenery in that movie. Pez, check out Les Enfants du Paradis. Evil circus music? Cool, I'll have to check that out.

somewhere, i've got that mr. bungle album. just can't seem to find it right now. the guys in my last band were crazy about it. they thought it was a work of genius. we rode together in a bus to our rehearsal space, which was quite a distance away. we'd leave between midnight & 3:00 in the morning or so to go practice. mr. bungle would be blasting inside the bus every time we rode out to rehearsal..."redundant, redundant..." fun stuff. i haven't heard the subsequent mr. bungle efforts, but heard they were a disappointment compared to that first mind-blowing album.

Crimson....Go to the record store now. Pick up Disco Volente and California by Mr Bungle. Disco is a very dark, very arty record with songs that range from death metal (Everyone I went to high school with is dead) to arty spazz jazz (memiskomeswaazz). California is their most coherent work so far, still weird with obvious Frank Zappa influnences, but strange and beautiful (I love to smoke a bowl of herb and listen to that with headphones). Anyway, all of their albums are wonderful. Me and my friend Jeff used to drive 105 miles an hour listening to that first album over and over. Everyone in our peer group thought it sucked, but what did they know.

i never really cared for Bungle or RHCP......no particular reason, nor do i think they suck...just never really got to me. id like to see 2 shows next week. one is a definite, that is Black Motorcycle Gun Club....they are new to me....but as told by a very trusted source....amazing. there is also the Low show...which i wouldnt mind seeing. its been many years since i last saw them and uspposedly this album is better than the first. oh by the way, dave, agatha....ever seen or heard The Gossips? Since my pc, and phones arent set up yet, i was reading some recent issues of the advocate and there was a story of the band. the singer is quoted "I'm a fat girl, and i have sex and i love it. Fat girls are totally sexy, totally legit and they should be taken seriously." OK. punk rock man er ...they are from Searcy Arkansas....i thought of crimson and posse....and now they live in Olympia and i thought you guys...including the hellcat. im bored.....its a preholiday friday....which is a drag...im hangin out on this crappy MAC...i can't do anything...except talk about the mundane with all you love sponges.

low's playing here tonight, but I can't go. I've never heard them, but some friends really like them. I heard their lyrics reflect their mormonism. I've heard of a lesbian band called, i think, "the gossip."

searcy, AR? holy crap...a BAND came out of there? as i recall, the only thing in searcy is harding university (known statewide as "jesus tech"). that college is so straight that (at least when i was younger) students still had to be in by 10:00 PM & have official chaperones for all their dates. searcy is known as one of the most hopelessly square towns in the whole state. good to know that something interesting has come out that wasteland.

yes..thats them. low....well..they are a 3 piece. ever heard coedine before? they an extremely mellow and melodic pop band. they feel like a valium. i don't know about their lyrics though. id like to see our pals "Nostradumbass" tonight at Al's but i always end of getting wasted there...the Sierra on draft in the always-sweaty-ass-punk-joint knock me out. did you BF ever confirm a gig down here?

I'm still waiting to hear the finalized date list.

here ya go crimson http://www.kpunk.com/thegossip/

All these bands are probly real cool but, none of them are as great as the mighty Captain Benteen. All we gotta do is learn to play. Then whammo we are going to kick so much ass. Captain Benteen has the worlds coolest singer. Some body said we sound kind of like Harvey Danger gone bezerk but heavyer dark but a bit pop too. Its glam, baby.

Yeah, kid---you can do worse than to get compared to Harvey Danger---heavy on my playlist right now. That first Mr. Bungle alb is a masterpiece.....it kind of boggles me that ska got so huge a couple years back, since Bungle effectively destroyed ska with "Egg". "California" is bent & beautiful....these guys approach music like car sickness. What little I've heard of "Disco Volante" sounds strangely Neubautenish. Dug what I've heard by Low----cool, depressing band---remind me a little bit of the Cowboy Junkies.

yeah, i like the gossip. nathan is a big geek, though. he's one of those boys who never developed out of the "look at me! look at me!" phase. they are pretty rockin, and beth's voice is very cool and growly. i'm sure you would like them, patrick. check out hells belles, too. good chick music.

finally broke down and watched american beauty. interesting. reminds me a but of magnolia, as it got more and more absurd as things went on. on my cd player: cibo matto "viva! la woman!", ekova "soft breeze & tsunami breaks" (remixes of the songs off the "heaven's dust" album) and fatboy slim "halfway between the gutter and the stars". i've begun to think of my taste in music as mainstream, but so many people i know haven't even heard of fatboy slim or incubus. let alone kittie, cibo matto, ekova and tarkan.

last night I went with the harvey danger drummer to see my boyfriend's band while his girlfriend went to see hell's belles. apparently she has a lifetime free pass to see hell's belles (all-chick ac/dc cover band) because the sex toy shop she works for gave them a blow-up doll to use as part of their "back in black" show. she said the other band, the razor babes, was really good.

i can't remember what harvey danger did that i heard, but i wanted to go to their portland show. unfortunately, i had to work. :(

pug, which harvey danger album have you been listening to? I interviewed the singer last august. here are some excerpts: ------- me: Ok. so if you were playing dungeons and dragons… him: Chaotic evil. ------- me: Some people think of you as that American Pie band. him: Yeah, I know. it’s amazing how big America is. you get 100 miles away from any urban center, and it’s a completely different world. and that is why I feel that it’s a valid thing to be on a major label. Becaue I’m fascinated by that. I’m fascinated by seeing how culture is disseminated to people in Tulsa. Or Winooski, Vermont. It’s fascinating. You wouldn’t believe it. You’d be terrified if you knew. --------------- me: would you let a song of yours be used in a commercial? him: No. me: Why not? him: I don’t know exactly why but I feel that’s a different thing from having it be in a movie. that might be a prejudice I have because I am truly obesssed with cinema in all its forms. But I feel like when flagpole sitta gets played in american pie, even though it was not the greatest movie (though it was certainly the greatest movie that flagpole sitta was used in), that is part of an artistic prcess to some extent and even though I’ve heard many arguments to the contrary, and even hough I know in no uncertain way that advertising is the primary means of communication in the 20th century, in the 21st century... me: And that the country’s prosperity is hinged on advertising? him: I still feel it is corrupt and vulgar and distasteful. me: All? him: All commercials. And to me the commercials is what happens between the programs on television. The smarter part of me knows that the program is also advertising, and the film that’s being put out by whatever film company is also a commercial bcause it’s owned by coca-cola. So really just because it happens to be an artistic expression that is about more than just literally selling a pair of pants or a can of soda, just because that is true doesn’t mean that ultimately, when they’re sifting through the rubble of our civilization, doesn’t mean that it’s really not just a two-hour commercial for a lifestyle or for a version of reality even. But to me that is still a line that exists because I spend a lot of my time watching films, and thinking about films, and being genuinely affected by films. me: Are you ever genuinely affected by commercials? him: I have cried during like Kodak commercials and the ones where the girl is going off to college, but I don’t think that counts as being genuinely moved. I tihnk that counts as only being manipulated. Which is not to say that movies don’t manipulate you, or that pop songs don’t manipulate you shamelessly, and in darker momenst I feel that there’s no defense for that, that that’s just a rationalization. But, as william hurt’s character said in some movie, “rationalizations are more important than sex. Like, have you gone a day without a good rationalization?” maybe it was jeff goldblum. It was "the big chill." God! See? And that’s bad enough. it’s bad enough that I have spent that much time watching "the big chill" in my life that I know it by heart. I know that line. That line stuck with me as a piece of truth. There’s a nuigget of truth in that statement. And ultimately, movies that express some kind of truth are more imporatnt to me than the more abiding truth that exists in a commercial, which is “I show you this and you want to buy it.” Like, that’s true, that’s absolutely true. But that doesn’t make it good. that doesn’t even make it definsible. I just feel like advertising is the problem, marketing is the problem. Becaue it’s what contributes most to making what could be a world of the exchange of ideas be a world of like postures and images and versions of reality with an agenda. It’s an untenable position, but it’s mine. And the problem is, the position that we’re in, I mean I’m a time warner-aol commodity, I’m one-fourth of a time warner-aol commodity. We’re surrounded by not just people but a culture that encourages us to let our standards lapse completely. And it’s very tempting. It’s more like, it’s not so much that it’s tempting because it’s not exactly an option. I could never let myself think that having a harvey danger song in a vw commercial was anything other than being a salesperson, and I don’t want to be that. me: What if they offered you a whole bunch of money? him: That would make it a very difficult decision. -------------- me: What was your best interview ever? him: I did a series of interviews with Lou Barlow for the Daily and also for the Straneger. I hung out with him in his car once, and there was no tape recorder, and we just talked about girls and heartbreak and music, and that was fantastic because he was really my absolute idol at that point. I believe that Sebadoh was everything that music could possibly be. I think that less now. I’d never heard of them until Sebadoh 3, and I heard Sebadoh 3 with [a mutual acquaintance]. He had a bunch of mushrooms and he had to clear them out because his parents were coming, this is in the Ravenna Liberation Front house. His parents were coming, so we had to parent-proof the house. So we ate all his mushrooms and smoked all his pot. And Evan was there too. So he was like, “Sean! Evan! Come up to my room. I want to play you something.” We were listening to Sebadoh 3, and as we were listening, the mushrooms started kicking in. And I wasn’t really listening but every once in a while I would hear something that stood out as really great, but I was on mushrooms and stuff, so I wasn’t necessarily really connecting with it. And at one point I went on this rant that managed to condense all American history into what seemed like an hour but was probably more like five minutes. And sort of found some plumb line to go through the entire sweep of our nation. me: Could you do that for me right now? him: No. I wish I wish I were so lucid. And just as that ended, the last song of Sebadoh 3 came on, which is “As the world dies, the eyes of god grow bigger,” which was the most insane fucking song I’d ever heard in my whole fucking life. It sounded like Charles Manson. It was revelatory. So the very next day I bought that album and listened to it incessantly, and their other albums, until Bakesale come out. This is an unpopular view, but I think Bakesale is their perfect album. The four or five that precede it are also really great, but I feel that Bakesale is their ultimate moment as a band. him: This is a great song. (Fight this generation from pavement's wowee zowee.) me: Yes. him: This is a song where he’s using a term, “generation,” in a way that you just know it’s anathema to the way he actually feels. You know just to use that word makes him just sick, and that’s why he’s using it, like it’s so loaded. But of all things, I heard a poetry slam poet, who you know but I’m not going to reveal the name on the record, do a poem, "poem" in quotes, because I think slam poetry is not poetry. You know, Flagpole Sitta was actually a response to slam poetry, now that I think about it? But that’s a whole other discussion or at least another tangent. This slam poet did this piece about the song "fight this generation" and feeling like that inspired him to go forth and inspire the generation and confront and provoke. And I felt like what Malkmus is really saying when he says “fight this generation” is “fight the use of the word ‘generation’” in so far as it means anything to the people who mean it. that was a very true thing to me in 1995, and that meant a lot to me when this album came out. the fact that he was saying that because that was very dear to me, I felt like that word was really being flaunted by a certain element of the population that was trying to speak for the majority and was doing it incorrectly. But the more that I come in contact with people who are younger than I am, and the more I feel like there is a whole other generation now, that is prominent, that is young, they’re all just lining up to say "generation," they’re all just lining up to talk about their generation, what their generation wants. None of the cool figures, none of the people that our actual generation were interested in, who were the real avatars, like malkmus or kurt cobain or even beck, none of those people could bring themselves to say the word without just vomiting all over. and to ever say that word was such an offense, such a slight, against what everyone was trying to do, which was to define themselves as individuals, that it was just anathema. And now the tide is turning, and people just throw that word around again. they’re just begging to identify. me: I remember after kurt cobain died, mike sent me the clippings from the seattle times. him: Oh, you were in prague. me: I was in prague. And like the seattle times stories, one of the very first paragraphs was a quote from eddie vedder. I think this was even the subhed of the article -– “it’s not easy being the voice of a generation” -- because he felt like he inherited that title from kurt cobain. And I didn’t sense any... him: Any sense of irony in that? me: Yeah! Like he was being TOTALLY SINCERE. him: You know, I go back and forth on eddie vedder. I really respect the way pearl jam has handled their career post being the biggest band on earth. me: Even though they totally like sent all those poor danish kids to their deaths? him: A kid broke his neck crowd-surfing at a harvey danger show in chicago. And I always felt really bad about that. not the same thing at all. But I remember a time when pearl jam was inescapable. And I felt like pearl jam was the devil. I felt like they were the worst thing that had ever happened to the world. and that was because I was confronted with them everywhere I looked. I could not not hear pearl jam or see them or read about them or whatever. So I wonder about that. it’s true that he used that word quite a bit. But to me, the word ”generation” at least in the early to mid '90s was a word that was used by people like the seattle times. "People like the seattle times." me: The other person I remember saying something like that was courtney love. What I read about what she said at the vigil or whatver at seattle center was about how people over 30 wouldn’t understand or something like that. I couldn’t believe it. it was so cliched, I couldn’t believe that she would 1) say it, 2) believe it. all I could think was pretty soon, she’s going to be -– what’s that sound? Oh, it’s a moth in the light. him: I thought it was a rat in the wall. me: That’s totally what I thought it was. I’ve been hearing a lot of awful ghost stories lately too. I think I believe in ghosts. Do you believe in ghosts? him: I used to believe in the ghost in the crawl space at the ravenna house. me: Did the ghost ever make itself apparent to you? him: Not to me but to evan. ----------- him: I guess it was the limp bizkit guy. I bought that new magazine, revolver, because it had a thing on death cab for cutie in it. and I read the interview iwth fred durst because I was procrastinating. And I’m intrigued by all those people that I know nothing about who are incredibly famous. me: All those misogynist guys who rule the alternative airwaves? him: I’m just intrigued that I could never tell you what one of there songs are. I have absolutely blocked them out of my world. and now I’m just curioous about them. and he was quick to talk about his generation a lot. me: Did you know that limp bizkit paid for airtime in portland? him: Yes. I did know that. and in fact, I was quoted in the story in willamette week about it. me: Oh yeah, that’s right. him: And now they’re the biggest band in the world. me: Yeah, I was surprised that they made it. there’s probably a moral in there. him: That was the first time I’d ever heard of them, when I was called for that story. And now look at them. me: You know what, I think I saw one of their videos. While I was watching 120 minutes because you were on it. you remember that? you must have watched it? I was housesitting and they had cable. And it was so misogynist. Just like everything that gets played on alternative radio. And you know, I thught I was beyond caring about that, sexism in our society, but I realize now that when I hear that stuff, I am offended. I’m very surprised. The target market for alternative music now is totally male. It is not female at all. I don’t know what teenage girls are supposed to be listening to these days, but I know that veruca salt came out with a new album. and you know I don’t think it’s really veruca salt anymore becaue they were a duo and now it’s just her. him: Louise post? me: Yeah. And they had her on one of those battle of the bands. them and some typical male group. And the men who were calling in to vote for the guy song were so, they were just such assholes, you know? him: There’s a reason it;’s called asshole rock. me: I didn’t know it was called that. him: Limp bizkit is the true exemplar of asshole rock. All the bands that are really big right now, really really big-—korn, limp bizkit. Of course, I can’t think of any more. They’re all the same band. I wonder if that’s just because I’m getting old, or because it’s actually true, but those bands all sound like one big band to me. and it’s the soundtrack to rape, you know? it’s just violent, hateful, stupid, vacuous, anti-woman. like, anti-everything is one thing. I can think of sveral things I’ve responded to in my life becaue they were anti-everything. But anti-everything is different from being anti-woman. or being specifically anti- all this stuff and being very party about it. like, being very hands in the air and happy about it. ---------- me: What’s the best line in a cole porter song? him: you’re a turkey dinner from “you’re the top.” me: How does it go? him: “you’re the top, you’re a turkey dinner.” Have you ever heard the pornographic lyrics to that song? me: No. him: I read several verses, but the only one I remember is “you’re king kong’s penis.” Have you ever seen “the cole porter story” starring cary grant and monty woolley? me: Wasn’t cole porter gay? Did cary grant play him as gay? him: Well, not explicitly, but the thing that;’s fascinating about that movie is that cole porter is unhappily married in it. it’s not explicit but it is hyperimplicit that it’s because he’s gay. And there are all these sort of moments between him and other men. me: Wasn’t montey woolley in real life one of cole porter’s lovers? him: He was one of his “friends,” certainly. They were lovers at Yale, I think. me: Well, who did Montey Woolley play in the movie? him: Himself. He was older than cole porter. He was a law professor when cole porter was an undergrad, I think. It’s a really fascinating movie. it’s one of the best sort of those technicolor biopic kind of stories, because it’s this psychological hellhole.

pez, they're playing portland next saturday, supposedly with quasi and hazel. are you 21? maybe it's all ages. you should go. I could probably get you on the guest list.

yeah, i think i have the night off...i'm still two years from 21, i'm afraid...i'll have to check. found it. "sad sweetheart of the rodeo". i used to think that the singer might've been someone i used to date, because of the voice, but that's prolly wishful thinking.

Cyst----that was intense----yeah, I really dig that guy & his band and that interview kicks some major ass....interesting what w/the major allegience to Sebadoh & Pavement and I can see those----I was thinking Pixies....I don't know why.... Grooving heavily on "Merrymakers" right now--(Wooly Muffler all the way!)--Crimson's dubbing me a copy of "King James Version"----there's one song off that I've heard that I love----has almost a retro-glitter Mott the Hoople feel to it w/a big, screeching organ....can't think of the title.

itwas at the cobalt lounge last time, that's another reason why i didn't go...portland has waaaaay too many bars. pubs are okay, because you can enter certain areas if you're a minor. i think pine street is all ages.

DOes Hell's Belles tour? I now know that I must see that band play. They sound like they could become my favorite band.

cyst, could you please try?

pez, last time the singer didn't have a girlfriend, you were probably 12 years old. I'm pretty sure I can get you on the list.

Okay...got "King James Version"---the song I mentioned ealier is "Authenticity".....

Tomorrow at sun set I wont be grounded any more. Dorians still grounded tho but we will see each othar this week end. I can not wate I miss him so bad. We ask our folks if we can write each other leters while we are still grounded and they say ok and so we each send a love letter. Dorians is real nice and he says real cool sweet stuff to me and I'm real lucky I got him. I have to write a comparason essay and I dont know what to compare but I am going to try to compare and contrast music like 2 diffarent musicians. This will be real hard for me but I will get startd just as soon as I pick my topic for sure. When I send Dorian his letter it was weard i do not write leters but I will do it again it was fun and kinda cool.

"authenticity" is good. apparently it's made its way into a few movies recently. ("saving silverman" comes to mind. oh, yeah, "dude, where's my car" too.) I like "loyalty building." it's named after a building in downtown portland. and "why I'm lonely" and "underground" (a this busy monster cover).

Authenticity I love that song and I would like for my band to cover it. Its campy and fun. I would like to make it heavyer. Some people say the lyrics are real dumb but thats ok its still a cool song.

Oswald, you might choose 2 different people on this board and compare and contrast their posting/writing styles.

That is a good idea. But I was thinking of doing 2 diffrant drummers instead. I dont know who I'd compare here on sorabji. Maybe Crimson and Nate or Sem and Pez. They have ways of making posts that are oposite of each other.

oooh...! am listening to fig dish (a former incarnation of caviar)...they're pretty good. if i were writing an essay, i'd probably compare and contrast different composers or different artists. more than likely, i'd only get it half written before it was due.

compare drummers eh? im not sure how interested you are in jazz.....but a Max Roach / Buddy Rich comparison could be fun. Or as far as rock.....compare the likes of Charlie Watts vs. say.....Ringo Star or Jon Bonham. oooooo Mitch Mitchell and Moe Tucker could be fun.

Tony Williams and Elvin Jones.

that would be a tough one.....to me they both have very similar attirbutes...along with roach, they happen to be my fav jazz drummers.

I think I mite not know how to talk about drums enough to pull this off I can go with some thing else. I almost did a compare of Ginger Fish who drums for Marilyn Manson (solid drummer good basher heavy but has controll) with Ginger Baker whose solo work I dig (solid also but with real finese but still a good basher he's over 60 now and still drums like a maniac he is a jazz guy now still kicks ass). There is others I can do but I dont talk about music the way some people do I just know what I like. I could also compare battle heros. Maybe one from old times and one from WWII. That is easyer to talk about than music for me. It is more OBJECTIVE (a vocab word of mine) I am too SUBJECTIVE some times for my own good when I try to write.

How about Neil Peart and that one-armed drummer from Def Leopard?

oh fer christ sake.

I like Neil Peart a lot as a drummer tho I'm not sure what the drummer for Def Leppard realy did besides having one arm. I could try for war heroes MacArthur and Caesar but its been done to death it could be fun to do BAD genrals like Custer or Burnside or any body else who did real dumb stuff on the battle field.

neil pert bores me. he reminds me of buddy rich. to me they play too much with textbook chops...where as the likes of elvin, or mitch mitchell play with soul....a little more free.

Mitch Mitchell is real good too. I think for my paper I mite go with the bad generals if any body know of any please tell me and I can look them up. More papers should get written about people doing really stupid shit.

You could compare and contrast Ulysses S. Grant and Nathan Bedford Forrest. Or Grant and Wiliam T. Sherman, who were friends. Or Longstreet and Lee. Or Augustus Caesar and Nero.

Or Boudicca and Sitting Bull.

he actually didn't ask for any advice, just thought i would point that out.

Yes, he did. "I think for my paper I mite go with the bad generals if any body know of any please tell me and I can look them up." I gave him good generals instead.

Well, Nero wasn't a good general. McClellan had some dumb moments. He lost the battle of Antietam even after someone gave him Lee's own battle plans. Duh.

mitch mitchell. a week or so ago i was at a long light at a busy intersection and i got to watch a guy in a truck do a flailing air-drums performance of "fire". you don't see enough of that anymore. here's a general for you: "mad anthony" wayne. american revolution dude. he commanded the attack that recaptured stony point in 1799 and served with lafayette at the siege of yorktown. he was reckless, but he got results.

actually droopy, if you pulled up next to me....at a light, listening to that song...you'd find me mad tap/drumming on the steering wheel. That song is just that way. Buddy Miles and Band of Gypsys warrants such reaction as well. since i don't get to play my drums as much as i like i resort to beating other items and playing drums in my mouth with my teeth. the molars serve as the low end, the incisors serve as the higher end.

I never met a guy who drums with his teeth thats pretty funny. Fire is a great song to play air drums to. I did ask for advice on the compare essay I still do not know what to do but I have been give more time to figure it out now. Tonite I won't be grounded any more I am so glad. I have learnt my lesson. After I get un grounded I am going out for dinner just some burgers but I couldnt even do that while I was grounded. Being grounded SUX but its way beter than a beating it just lasts a lot longar it goes on and on like forever.

my mistake. i just didn't want everyone to get into that "let's help oswald learn!" frame of mind, you need to do most of that stuff yourself. you know what i mean? just to clarify, i don't think there's anything wrong with asking for advice but my interpretation of what i read was that you had a pretty clear idea in your head of what you wanted to do, and then everyone started giving advice that i didn't think you asked for. i don't know if that made anything clearer. drat.

So remember that next time you think you know a little bit more than Pilate and Trace,behave hon.

I'll try to behave. I do try hard but I screw it up some times and it is still hard for me to tell my friends no when they ask me for stuff. But now they know (cause I have told them) to please not ask me to do shit that will get me in troubel with my folks. Violet used to ask me to do stuff a lot but I kinda had to tell her to not do that on acount of I am tryen to not give my folks problams. It has nothing to do with what I am talking about but my Daddy Trace yesterday hit a squirl on the road he feel real bad but their was not a damn thing he could do about it. I would like to have a pet squirl some day I like them Crimson lives by a bunch of them they are cool. I like prary dogs too but they dont have them round here.

How about comparing a good general and a good drummer? Like Macarthur and Rich. Maybe the things that made them good in their professions aren't so dissimilar.

I think you should compare soup and salad.

Yes, bouillabaise and niçoise would do nicely. Make it so, Oswald.

Bouillabiase and nicoise?? What in the wide world of sports is that. How about I just compare appels and oranges. In less than 45 minutes Your Captain will be un grounded! I can't wait. I will go over to the BBQ shack and get some munchys. I will have my freedom back. This week end I'll have a date I realy need to see Dorian again I have been mising him real bad. This weekend maybe I can go places with Crimson like to flea market and stuff and to the City Pound too she will need a new dog for her new house I am still tryen to talk her into a Old English Sheepdog but she think it will be too big we are having the big talk, pure bred dog or mutt? They both have good points about them.

Fish soup and salad with tuna and anchovies. Don't worry about them. Go out and have fun. Sheepdogs are the best. I had one when I was growing up -- she was the dumbest beast in the world, but also the sweetest. I can't say that it doesn't make more sense to get a mutt at the pound that would probably be destroyed otherwise, but if you can get a sheepdog, do it.

"What in the wide world of sports..." You like Blazing Saddles? Kewl.

I do like Blazing Saddles its a cool movie. Well I'm not grounded any more thank God. My Daddy Trace may take me shopping in the middel of the nite that is always real fun even if its just a run to walmart.

I am still at Crimsons she is about to crash tho. But we have been learning a new song togeather a church song a hymn this one is calld Greenwich we are both doing the alto I will learn tenor later I get so turn on when I find out how new music works. I like the fast part of the song when it talks about hell but it scare me too Crimson is right once the Pentecostal church get inside of you it never comes out. If any thing ever got me back into church it would be the music it makes me feel real special. Not like special ed special but the other kind.

in my experience...mutts are often smarter.

Mine too,Lucky was a good dog who never had a mean bone in her body,she was always at the front door five minutes before the kids came home from school with her tail wagging,never bit anyone and never barked except when she should have.She was a mutt,she looked like benji,but was black and white,then grey and white.I loved her.

I think Crimson could have both kinds. Like get a mutt and have it fixed and then get a pure breed dog. Her yard is small but two little dogs wont take up so much room. Like a mutt and then a fancy toy dog. Or even a sheepdog but it mite eat the little fancy dog for a snack.

I get to see Dorian again tomorow. He won't be grounded come Saturday and he will come over and we will have a date I am so happy to see him again. It feels like we have been apart a very long time tho its only been a week. He did not take being grounded as good as I did he is still kinda pissed but he will deal with it he just wants to get free again. Looks like rain is coming in I hope there is no litening. I am doing beter about Crimson moving away at first I was real upset but now I know I can stay with her some times but wile she is gone I will not get to post we dont have a machine here yet. I will go stay with Crimson just so I can keep posting cause its kinda like a drug.

I had some strange dreams. I had this dream about Dorian we was both in a fancy bed of brass we had fancy clothes like silk PJ's we had lots of money there was money right there in the bed with bills falling off the sheets. And the sheets were dark green silk and I put my hands on him and push down his PJ bottoms and touch him on the hips but just look at him part naked it was real nice. But I just wondar if dreams mean some thing or if it was just me being kinda horny. It was more loveing than horny. Later I dreampt that my folks move in next door to Crimsons new house and every body in the whole town wore black tee shirts. The folks in the next town wore red shirts. That is how you know what town you are in cause of the color of peoples shirts. We drive from town to town and in every town there is diffrent color shirts. There was a town of all blue shirts. Anyway I've gotta do some home work now. I am thinken about doing my compare essay on religion instead. 2 diffrent religions. I could do my own religion (Pentecostal) and Dorians (Episcopal). I could go to his church to study more. My Daddy Trace is Episcopal too so he can tell me stuff. Episcopalian is a real hard word to spell.

I got a flower today! My Daddy (Pilate) steps out side around 6 a.m. and he sees a vase on the door step and inside it is an orange rose with some extra little tiny white flowers and it is for ME. And it is from Dorian. He come by some time in the nite and leaves me a flower. Thats real cool. Its a very pretty flower just perfect. Crimson will be out of town for most of today so I will hang out with my folks for a wile and then go out with Dorian tonite. I think I will go with the religion thing for my compare essay I mite go to church with Dorian tomorow his folks think thats a nice idea but, they are afraid for him to go to a servace with me to a Pentecostal church they think the Pentecostal church is weard and mite mess up his mind. They dont know their own religion is pretty strange too.

I went to church with Dorian it was real difrent I still dont know what to think about it all. I had lunch with his folks and, that was strange too his parants are kinda odd in that way that folks with money can be they are kinda cold. At Dorians church it is real quiet. At my church people scream and shout they jump up and down and roll on the floor. Like the time I come up shouting when I got baptise in the river. Now I am at Crimsons and there is a tornado watch. Some body tryed to give Crimson a dog for free today but it was way too big. It was a huge dog tho it was a very nice one. Some body shove it out of a car in the country and left it.

No ones talked to me on this post since Wed..I hope my posts are not boring I'm just tryen to talk about what is hapening with me. I'm about to get start on the paper where I will compare religion. I think it could be an okay paper but if its boring every one here it mite bore people at home too and I sure don't want that. My friend Violet come by last nite and she wanted to dye my hair blonde my folks did not think that was a real good idea. My Daddy (Pilate) tell me that I do not look any more like a blonde than he does we have the same color eyes and hair very dark. I have blood red dye at the ends of my hair but it is faden out now.

don't let us stop you from talking...response or no response. maybe no one has anything to say...but that doesn't mean anything, as far as you are concerned.

I think that everyone reads your posts, but a lot of times, we just don't feel the need to clutter up the thread with chatter that may not be relevant. This is slightly relevant: One of the bartenders at the bar I hung out at in N. O. had black hair with various locks dyed bright pink.

I love Blazing Saddles as well. It was one of the first really sarcastic movies I was ever into. Need to watch it again though. There is more religion than just the Christian remember? Rasta, Pagan, Subgenius etc.

Pink hair is cool. I am making notes for my paper now. One way I can deal with it is to make notes about what things in the 2 churchs are NOT the same. There is a lot thats not the same betwean Episcopalian and Pentecostal. Those guys baptise babys and they beleave in saints and they do not speak in tongues. They dont have gifts of the spirit and no one is a prophet. Our church says it start with Jesus Christ. Episcopals just start with King Henry (but Dorians mom says that is not true) they also do Lord's supper every week and we do it once a year. Nobody screams in their church or plays guitars or tamborenes it is so quiet you can hear a pin drop. Our church is so damn loud you couldnt hear a tornado if it came thru. People scream and fall out all the time. I want for Dorian to go to the Pentecostal church with me but his folks are not sure its ok and also I realy should not go back to my own church my old family is there and I do not want to see them and those people know I'm queer and are not nice about it. That is a diffrent thing too. Dorians preist knows he is queer and doesn't even care.

Skooter I know theres more than the Christian religion. Its just that this paper kinda needs some thing that is in the same ball park. Like 2 churches but ones that are difrent enough to be compare and contrast. It mite be too much to do Pagan and Christian it just makes the paper get too big. I have to write this and I want to keep it small so I can handle it. Plus with the Pentecostal church I can talk about what I know. My friend Violet is pagan and she realy wants me to be too but, I do not think I can go that way for real tho we do some stuff togeather. She wants for me to wear a goddess ring its real cool but I feel a little funny about it like God would not be over joyed about that. But I supose its ok cause I have some voodoo stuff in my bed room and have not got struck by litening yet. The goddess is a funny idea to me I learn in church that NO female is supose to get worship not even Mary and if you worship Mary you will go to hell. The preacher says that she is just the pagan goddess anyway.

So a pagan goddess gave birth to Christ? That makes sense to me. I just got my legal ordainment certificate in the mail from the Universal Life church. You should check them out Oswald, I think you would really like them. Plus, free legal ordainment.

hey, pug & i are both ordained w/ them. i can explain (kinda) the "pagan goddess" thing...oswald & i were raised similarly, at least in terms of religion. the usual explanation is that mary is actually a twisted version of the pagan goddess, semiramis. her bastard son (or lover, or both) was named nimrod. he was made into the catholic version of jesus. in the same way that semiramis & nimrod often appear together, the "false" jesus & mary often appear together. the REAL mary was just your basic nobody of a woman. she never got assumed into heaven or anything like that. she was just lucky. she's not supposed to be honored above any other woman (because honoring women in religion is wrong). honoring mary gives women a false sense of importance. ironically, oswald does belong to a religious system where women can be preachers. religion is probably one of the strangest of all mankind's inventions.

Being a pagan myself, it is my belief that the only hell there is is the one you create for yourself. Oz....don't let other people make your religious chocies for you, don't give them that power. if you want to wear a goddess ring, go the ahead and do it man. Chruches seem to really relish the idea of power over people, which is why you have a whole list of things that can't do beacuse of HELL...funny that Christians created the witch burnings, and that the Holocaust was carried out in Gods name, as well as the Spanish Inquistion. By all means stay strong and smart and create your own morality, don't let someone tell you whats what. PS The idea of the Virgin Mary is actually derived from the virgin archtype, created at the dawn of man as one of the six facets of woman. Yes, the Catholics stole that too.

"religion is probably one of the strangest of all mankind's inventions." in my opinion, the "chia pet" or the "water bra" are some of the strangest things invented by man.

well, yeah. the chia pet probably wins. & there's always the pet rock.

There was the wonderful water snakeTM back in the early '80's....they were goofy toys....but if you were really creative you could wear them around your penis and have fun masturbating with them....

I think that if God had a problem with you wearing a Goddess ring, he wouldn't be a very cool guy. Personally, I think that God really won't be too upset that you might be thinking about other religions/dieties (sp?)/whatever, because it's the thought that counts. Wow, I am a flaming hippie today. Back to the office with me.

I was raised Catholic...my Mom even taught my CCD classes when I was 8 or 9....she was heavily involved in the church. When I was in my mid-teens my Mom and I both did the Born Again thing....and we didn't actually LEAVE the Catholic Church but we started questioning a lot of the Catholic Doctrine....a lot of that stemmed from my sister's death----she died shortly after being born (& this did a job on my concept of death & religion as a child) and because she was a premie, which in that day and age, it was a lot harder to save them----she requested that there be a Priest in the room to christen her because chances were she wouldn't live and she was afraid if the baby died unbaptized she'd spend eternity in Limbo. So my sister was born, christened and she died soon after. I was four at the time, I think... Years later my Mom was working on a church bazaar w/a few friends....there was this hip young priest in the church at the time and he was helping out on this project.....my Mom had mentioned something in casual convo about Limbo....the Priest just broke out laughing at her and told her there was no Limbo. He said if you looked in the Bible there was no mention of either Limbo or Purgatory....they were just bullshit scams created by bored, corrupt monks in the middle ages to get more people to attend Church. He said, "do you really think God is so small and pathetic that he has nothing better to do than create this horrible place to send innocent babies?!" And my Mom was totally shattered by that. So we were both swallowing Hal Lindsey books and reading revelation and watching PTL and (gak!!!!!!!)700 Club by the time I was in my mid-teens-----although my Mom's rationale was that the catholic church WAS still essentially good....so I kept studying for my confirmation....

Anyway-----my parents' relationship was deteriorating at that point----mostly due to my Dad's drinking....but the fact that we'd all go to church and my Dad would take Catholic Doctrine literally while my Mom was disgusted by it didn't help things any... My Dad would hit the holy water and talk about Plenary Indulgences---my Mom would tell him it was just a lot of crap created by monks in the middle ages and that Purgatory didn't exist and he'd just laugh at her....meanwhile I was getting in hot water w/my confirmation teachers (staunch catholic lay-people) for daring to suggest the church made up a lot of the afformentioned doctrine....to me that was no big deal---that might stem from the lifelong problem I had with authority----it was like, regardless of how inherently good an institution was there was a degree of stupid, authoritarian bullshit involved....and didn't everyone see and understand that? Anyway----I think my Dad & my Sister(who was also in my confirmation class and knew how to play the system, unlike me)---bullshitted them into letting me be confirmed.....for whatever that's worth....

...In the end I turned my back on EVERYTHING. The Catholic Church was proven to be full of shit---I couldn't roll w/Fundamentalists...I mean, yeah, let's watch Pat Robertson & Jimmy Swaggart swarm around like Nazi Sharkmen----try to ban music I liked listening to and eventually their hypocrisy and bigotry got too big to get around. It was like,this is what happens when Sexual Repression hits music....and as I came into certain points of sane realization, such as the fact that homosexuals and people of other cultures and belief systems are people too----well, that cut it. I pretty much no longer knew----nor in large part CARED----WHAT to believe. Which is a state I refer to as enlightenment.

My Mom & My youngest sister became big born-again Baptists. I remember he last time I took it upon myself to attend a church service--it was about 5 years ago---my Mom and sister were very much of the belief that the Catholic Church was being swallowed up by this huge Marian Conspiracy that was really Satanic Conspiracy..."you're going to notice A LOT OF CHANGES THERE," I was told...it was Ash Wednesday and there wasn't any big Marian Conspiracy....no one was being "Worshipped" but God and Christ...so the Fundies fell victim to their own paranoia as per usual....still...I just no longer have any use for any of it.

Uncle Pug you are so intaresting. And Auntie Crimson is right nothing screws with peoples heads like religion. I have talked with Dorian and his mom about religion. It has been strange and I think she mite try to get me to convert. Crimson told me she almost convert to the Episcopal church once but she ran away at the last minute.

they rock on fear. that's all i have to say 'bout that.

Christ almighty.....I was so fucking drunk when I posted that shit--none of it is even coherent--don't anybody listen to anything I say....shoot me in the head....please. Just end the horror that is Me.

The purpose of religion is to rise above it. It's a test of will whether you can swallow all the bull they cram down your throat, or if you chew it for a while, spit out the stuff that doesn't taste good take what you want, and move on. I like to think that all the different christian denominations that say that people in different denominations are going to hell, are all right. Ya dig?

Yeah I get what your saying. I don't think any preacher should go round teling people that folks who worship difrent will go to hell. My Daddy (Pilate) is afraid that Dorians mom is a bit too keen on draging my ass to church and I think my folks kinda want me to stay away from religion for a while they think its messed with my head. I do not think I could roll with the Episcopal church any way. It is too damn quiet. It kinda freaks me out how those people dont shout or clap there hands and stuff. They do not even sing in harmony and no body speaks in tongues and none of them looks poor. The priest was nice tho and shook my hand and ask what I think about his service.

Did you tell him it needed more serpents?

LOL. I should have said that. He probly wouldnt even know what I meant by it tho. Things are pretty serious around here today Dorians folks drop a big ass bombshell on him and his sister. They are going to get a divorce. They have been planning it all out for a long time but just now make up there minds to tell Dorian. His sister already knew but they told her to keep her mouth shut and she wanted to tell him real bad but did not want to blow it for her dad. She is going to live with him and Dorian will stay here with his Mamma in the house. Dorian and his sis really do not want to be torn apart but the father says some body had better go with him and he dont want it to be Dorian. He say Dorian is too much like his mother. It is real strange. I only seen part of that movie American Beauty but his folks kinda remind me of that not quite so fucked up but maybe not so far away from it. His dad may be out of the house by next week. Dorian will come by later he does not even want to be home at all. They let him stay out of school today so they could tell him the big news.

Well, I've got an extra kid for the night (or maybe longer). Dorian's parents are letting him stay over here. I agreed to take him in as long as necessary. I feel sorry for the kid. His mom seems basically all right. His dad is getting kind of scary. I just have to make sure that Dorian and Brendan behave themselves, and they've assured me that they will.

Damn, that is tough. I had to leave the house too when my parents told me they were splitting up. I just went out and got fucked up, passed out on my friend's couch.

My mom kidnapped me when my parents split up. It was an ugly scene. I wasn't even old enough to get fucked up and pass out on someone's couch. Alas. I think it would have made it easier.

my first set of parents got divorced & didn't tell me about it for a few years. mom just disappeared. people kept telling me she'd come back so i waited & waited for her. eventually, i figured it out on my own. i was more or less OK w/ the divorce, but not w/ being lied to (they also told me that another relative who had disappeared would come back, but the relative was dead & no one told me). the next set of parents played major games w/ my head. they'd make a big production out of sitting me down & telling me they were divorcing. i had to choose, in front of both of them, which parent i wanted to go with. a few days later they'd laugh in my face & tell me they were going to be together forever. they did this over & over. i'd be emotionally prepared for the breakup, and for leaving all my friends (it always involved a proposed move out of state), as well as severing ties (loose though they were) w/ my stepfamily. they'd laugh in my face, telling me that i was stupid to worry so much. i'd get sick to my stomach. it freaked me out. i finally told them i wished they WOULD get divorced & get it over with & they slapped me around for saying such a horrible thing. they were still playing the same games after i was grown & gone, calling me on the phone, each parent telling me how awful the other one was. they're still married.

Some people should not be allowed children. Or animals. I just wish there was a way to weed them out. My mum told me she was going to get rid of her husband. She was laughing and crying as she joked about packing his bags and leaving them outside after getting the locks changed. What made her laugh was that his parents were meant to be coming over so she couldnt really do that. They stayed for a week and it was awful. The whole fake happy thing. When they left she finally got up the courage to kick his cheating self out. I guess I'm lucky to have a mum who tells me pretty much everything.

It looks like Dorian's going to staying with us through Sunday night (at least). I don't mind. He and Brendan are being really good. I just feel sorry for Dorian. He's being exposed to his first real dose of Bad Reality. The boy's been sheltered from damn near everything. The good news is that he seems very intelligent and fairly adapatable. It's kind of funny watching Brendan and Dorian in action. Dorian's sheltered as hell and Brendan has done more living than most people would ever care to. Dorian wouldn't make it on the streets but Brendan probably wouldn't be a hit down at the yacht club. They're kind of fascinated by each other's lifestyles. My lover's got the day off so he's watching the bambinos. Dorian's skipping school, this time with his parents' permission. They boys are going over to the city dog pound in a while, one of Brendan's favorite places.

I am back from the pound now. I smell like a dog. We got to play with a weeny dog it was so cool I like him a lot but, some body else is adopting him. Crimson wants the weeny dog too but we got there to late to adopt him. Then we play with a little white dog it stunk real bad and now we all smell just like him. A big sad old hound dog sing to us the whole time we are there he just looked real sad and made his hound dog noise and I bet he is still back there howlin away.

I am at Crimsons place. Dorian is at my place we are apart for a bit so I can do home work. But I am not doing my home work am I. I am posting here. Got Rush in the CD player kinda fun to hear old stuff like that. I will get thru with my vocab sentances and then go on home its real nice to have Dorian there this is the most time we've ever got to spent togeather. Some day we will get left alone for a real long time like when we grow up and get an apt. I think we will do fine we are real good with each othar.

I think about what it will be like to live with a lover all the time. It makes me want to grow up right away. When I am an adult I can do what ever I please but then I mite have to go live on my own I want to stay with my folks even when I am older. I wish Dorian would just move in with us. It is real cool to have him with us I feel like we are much more close than ever beafore. We are like bros but we are in love too. It is a real happy time. We have all kinds of seacrets and stuff. I wonder if straight people feel like this or if it is difrent. I can not imagne being in love with a chick I love my two best girl friends a lot but its not the same.

It's the same, bud. At least I think it may be. I am just speaking theoretically here, mind you. I'm glad you're happy, you deserve it. music for you: check out Alice Donut. Your writing reminds me of them. I could see you in a band like them as well. I suggest the albums "The Untidy Suicides of your Degenerate Children", "Mule", and /or "Bucketfulls of Sickness and Horror in an Otherwise Meaningless Life."

I am back from the city pound again Crimson went on and did papers to get a dog! But she now got to wait for a few days til they say if its ok or not it is a tiny dog real quiet with dark short hair. The breed is all mix up dont know what it is. The short hair is all over us we all pet the dog and now we got hair on our clothes. So it sheds fur but it is quiet never heard it bark. There is dog hair on my face now. Its lunch time Crimson will cook for us Dorians out on the portch I will post this befoare he come back. I had this fucked up dream that I had girl parts like where my dick should be I turn into a girl. And the rest of me was still male I had sex in the dream with Dorian he fucks me like a girl and I woke up and it was a wet dream. This may be more info than you wanted but Your Captain beleave in talking about stuff out in the open. The people next door are playen music so loud its making the animals here afraid. Gotta go now its lunch time and man am I hungry.

oswald, love know no sex. love is love. It is not unique to being gay or straight. I feel the way you feel for Dorian for my wife, and like your for some of your girl friends about some of my male friends...i love em to death as pals. Find comfort my friend in that being gay or straight, more things than not are universal.

'there is dog hair on my face now.' captain i adore you.

I adore you too. Me and Dorian are togeather we are painting our finger nails. Mine are black with pink glitter and his are black with blue glitter we are so hot. I have a pink fether boa too. We are watchen animal shows on T.V. like these animals are geting eat up by other animals in the jungle. We will go for a walk soon but I can not wear my boa outside or I will get my ass kicked. I wish things was cooler like you could go down the street in drag or naked and no one would ever fuck with you.

well, at least you can go for a walk without being fucked with. in some areas, pedestians and bicyclists get no respect whatsoever.

We got fucked with but not on our walk. Me and Dorian and Keota got throwed out of a book store today but my folks are not mad at me. We did not act up. Dorian and I looked at the sex books and this jerk says we are too young to look at that stuff and throws us out the door. We were not botharing any body or acting up. My Daddy (Trace) phones up and has a few words with them about it and even Dorians mama call them up and bitch. You can get sent out of a lot of places here just for being young even if you are acting right and being good. I got kicked out of a coffe house once for being a teenager. I payed for a drink and the head guy would not even let me finish it he tell me its beter for his shop to be full of rats than teens. Anyway Dorian is stayen with us for a few more days. I am so glad. His Daddy is still tryen to move out of the house. But his Daddy came out and said the truth that he was having this affair with some one that is Dorians age and Dorians mother is so heart broken. They been marryed for like 20 years. When Dorians sister heared that she said she would not go to live with him. She will stay with Dorian and mother at home. So Dorians pop gets real pissed off and say that the family is not worth his time and they are backwards in their thinking. Dorian is real sad and upset but he thinks his Mama desearve beter than this. We will all go this eve. to crash a party with Crimson and Pug long story its about the local arts and the crash is a protest. Oh yeah and my folks say that if I want to look at a sex book or have ? about sex I can talk to them any old time. So I ask them stuff today and so did Dorian. And I also tell Dorian that I have not had sex since my last AIDS test I am real clean but I supose it dont matter since we are not having sex. Dorians folks tell him nothing about sex they just give him books he did not know much about girls period til Keota tell him all about it.

I sat up late and watch movies made by people from around here it was real cool. There was a big film fest in the area but they tell all the local guys to fuck off and was real rude. So the local guys got pissed and show Arkansas films all nite stuff made here by people who live here. The stuff they do here is way wilder than the stuff they show at the festival it is ballsy. Those festival guys do not want to take a chance they want every thing normal. They may have money but we got what they dont. We got balls brains and ART.

Right On. That's a great motto: "WE GO BALLS, BRAINS AND ART."

uh, got. A little excited about that.

Hey, Pilate....What's yer e-mail?

This might have been one of the shittiest weeks of my life.....w/my writing in a state of limbo and my girlfriend finally, REALLY kicking me to the curb I was down....but the last kick in the teeth was getting dissed by the local film festival----in fact ALL THE COOL FILMMAKERS (local) I KNOW getting dissed!!!!!!!! One year and these jerkoffs thought they were Sundance and then they just started shutting down locals, people who submitted on VHS, Access TV (who went way out of their way to help this festival), waves of willing volunteers----"Ew, we're too GOOD for you locals----we've got stuff from CANNES this year!" BLOW ME!!!!!!!!! So Access TV pulled a total mutiny on the fest(in the face of getting kicked out of the fest, yet) and showed all our stuff this weekend....fucking BALLS TO THE WALL----especially given how outta control much of it was. Beautiful coup.

teens always get a bad rap. the media makes teens out to be drug-using, criminals with nothing to do but cause trouble. regarding the bookstore...think of it this way...if some churchy had come in and seen two or 3 teens looking at the nudie books, she could've gone and complained to the pastor, next thing you know you got half the congregation bitching "psss psss pss yeah they sell porn to kids, they sell porn to kids....pss pss pss" And next thing you know, this shop owner is under fire, all because he wasn't paying attention when some kids were looking at the nudie materials, some stuffy , casserole-makin, sweater-knitting, busybody choir lady happened to see it, and then proceeds to get half the town in a lather. you didn't do anything wrong by lookin at them, thats for sure...pretty par for 15.

Antigone, just click on my name for the e-mail addy. It may be changing soon (lousy service) but for now, this is it. I'll try to actually check it this week.

Sem I'm real glad you like what I wrote up there. Oh yeah I met some more Subgenius guys funny that I meet way more older Subgenius folks than young ones. Going out to see the local films made me think about doing more art stuff my self. About the book store we found a gay sex book it had pix in it and we want to see them. Not cause its nasty but Dorian want to know more about what you can do asides from just plain old sex there is more to it than that. Theres gotta be at least 100 diffrent ways for people turn each othar on. We want to invent way #101. We want to know about more stuff than just plain sex. Stuff besides oral even. I mean shit that dont give you a disease. Like a hand job maybe. I dont know. I was a whore but I only did what people tell me to do now I want to make up stuff for my self. Maybe not now but some day. I have not had sex where I get to say what I want to do. I know its not all about me but a LITTLE of it should probly be about me cause I am one half of the act you know.

Like Laurel and Hardy?

Like Tony Orlando and Dawn.

OH NO!!!!!!!!!!!! Like Whitford /St, Holmes!!!!!!! (KILL ME!!!!!!!!)

sounds like the captian and tennille to me. where's that muskrat, motherfucker?

The muskrat is in my pants. Wanna feel? Anyway I'm only here for a bit Dorian is here and we are watching the Hitler channel at Crimsons. Thats what she calls the History channel cause they show so much Hitler. Theres no Nazi's on the Hitler channel now but its war stuff just the same. I got some new spelling words to study and Dorian needs to do his math this sux we should not have to do a damn thing but just hang out. We don't get to be togeather so much and we dont want to be split up again when he has to go back home. He is still close to his Mamma and sister but is tryen to figure out how to get his own place but colege is going to fuck that up cause he will have to be in a dorm. He almost wish he didnt even have to go to school but then he could not get a good job. He needs a good job to suport my ass. Ha. Dorian wants his own place as soon as he can get it. His folks have the money but they wont give it to him yet he have a trust fund but, he is under aged. He will be real careful with the money but he does want a place of his own. If I won the lotary I would have a place of my own too but I would move my parents and friends into it right away so it would realy feel like home. I could move all of Sorabji in too but every one would have to do a chore for me. Sem could dust the Sheepdog (when I get one) Uncle Pug can polish the gerbils. Then you all get to be on the Archbishop's personnal staff and get payed to read the funny papers and look beautiful and sleep til the afternoon. Selah!

i'll till the garden.

I AM the funny papers.

do you have calvin and hobbes?

Okay some body else will have to dust the Sheepdog. All it will take is a fether duster and a French maids uniform.

can i have that job? i'm already good at sleeping till afternoon. [well, not today] i would have liked to have seen sem in the maid outfit, though. in fact, i think everyone should get a chance.

I think sleeping til afternoon is some thing that most Sorabji folks would be pretty good at. And if I had a buck on me I would probly pay to see Sem in a maid outfit.

that'd be a good 'un. i have another position i'd like to take: mistress of the most decadent desserts.

oswald, forget about the subgenius stuff. you won't win over any chicks with that boring crap.

word

Hope your kidding. Like I'm trying to win over any chicks here. The two chicks I do got are into Subgenius and most every body doing intaresting stuff around here is Subgenius too. Its not boring. Its not the great answer to any thing eather its just one more thing to keep my ass busy. It's easyer to read the book of the Subgenius than Moby Dick you know. Pez you can be the dessert goddess. But some body still gotta dust the Sheepdog inside and out.

moby-dick isn't hard -- it's just long. read the chapter early in the book when ishmael goes to church. it's better than anything in any subgenius book.

"moby-dick isn't hard -- it's just long" excellent

damn. I'm kind of embarrassed now. what a dork I am. in that department the church of the subgenius has nothing on me.

I like to read about dick when ever I can. But Moby dick thats diffrant. It's kinda long just like you said. Ha.

the band's playing "of sailors and whales" this term. the third movement is a vocal chorale. i think you'd like it. (the birds! the birds! --they marked the spot.)

You said "Long". huh,huh, huh, huh...

You may find the subgenious stuff to be boring crap. Its intentions are righteous, if ya know what's good for ya.

eat glass shit bottles

righteously lame club for star trek lovers. hey. *i* like star trek. that should have gone under 'confess' please forget i said that.

I'll try.... The Subgenius---tho I refuse to lionize them(for obvious reasons) are one of the few groups alive who have a fix on anything resembling "Truth".... Of course, the Discordians beat them TO said truth,,,,but the Subgenii have a far better marketing strategy.

i got into trouble with semillama for saying this once, but... the subgenius thing was started by a couple of guys in dallas, and i remember following its growth at least by rumor. all it really was was a parody of the dallas "glass tower" baptists, home-grown televangelists, and good-ol' texas relijun. i used to live near this little shack of a church that had a p.a. system set up outside so you could hear the preacher's fire-and-brimstone sermons. (last time i passed by it, it was a nice and quiet little vietnamese church.) the point was sort of punk - "anybody can make a religion." ivan stang had a show on dallas community radio for a long time, but it went off the air in the mid-90's because it was by that time boring and incoherent. nobody'd pledge to the show anymore. but i blame the nawthunahs for making it dorky.

I just don't get why people are caling Subgenius guys dorks. Most all the Subgenius guys I know are cool they are way cooler than most any body else in the area. They are older hippys some of them and they are into all the underground stuff. At least they are not red necks like other folks round here. Give me a choice betwean a Bubba and a Subgenius and I will go with "Bob" every time.

Some times I wish I was grown up. Dorian will have to leave here in a few days I do not want him to and to think of it make me feel real afraid. I do not want to be alone any more. I will have my folks which is real cool but, I need Dorian too. I think about it earlyer and got so panick I felt sick. I do not like it when my friends leave me and now this I do not know how I can take it but I will have to. If I was grown up he would nevar have to leave me no one would ever have to leave me again. I fucken HATE it when people go away. I also have nite mares that my folks leave but when I wake up they are still there.

lonely

Dave I wish I could check it out we cant open that file. I bet its cool tho. I am having a real hard time about Dorian leaving but I want to be cool about it some times I get the shakes I get afraid and feel like I am gonna throw up. I do not like it much when folks I care about leave me I can not help it. If I think too much about it I get dizy and feel hot and sick so I am tryen to think of the good times we are having now. Things are going ok asides from that I got all but one of my history test questions right and did my math good too. Got a new pile of spelling words to learn and some of them are real hard.

it's not that cool.

no

I am going to try to have fun tonite. There is a shadow hanging over every thing tho. I do not want to go into depresion. I realy do not want that. I try to be real strong but I feel small as hell at times like I can not change things. My friend Violet is going to do a spell to help protect me. She is going to try to help my mind with magick. Boy I hope it works I don't know if i beleave in that stuff but it cant hurt the main thing is I gotta be strong I gotta kick ass but, I am just a 15 year old fag with a bunch of phobias. Still every body has some kind of power. Even me. I ask myself WWCD what would Caesar do. He would draw a sword or some thing like that. I can not do that but I don't think Caesar would lie around being depresed like a dork eather.

i think caesar was a drunk. besides, would you want your last words to be "et tu, brute?"

Pez your post is cool and it made me smile. "Et tu, brute" has all ready been use as last words and I will need to say some thing difrant when I die. I will have to think about that. If I get a chance to say one last thing before dieing I want it to be good. I hope I live to be an old gray headed geazer and I hope by then I am living with Dorian. Like we could live togeather from the time we are teens until we get old and kick off. But we must kick off at the same time so we dont leave each other behind. It is awful when people die. I knowed this drag queen she die from AIDS and it was real bad and I touch her when other people would not. But to see that make me start having safe sex. I use to not take safe sex serious I did not even know much about it. Now I am very carefull.

Beware Pink Boys! Mock YE NOT the insidious Church of the Subgenius and its crazed warrior priests for JHVH-1! I will administer smitings, see if I don't! Don't think you can get away with that stuff just because I'm off in the field. Igonore Cyst and heather, Oswald. They're good folks apart from the "Bob"ophobia. When you're outcast from every stupid clique they make up, when you know you're better then everyone around you, that's where we come in. Like I told Droopy before, the Hour of Slack is still being broadcast across the country, and you can listen to every single show EVER at the Subsite. As far as the women/men/things attraction and subgenii go, let me state that no woman would even look at me UNTIL I became a subgenius. Plus, Fuck Star Trek. That's for those discordian pot smoking hippies. Planet of the Apes is closer to our style.

Praise the mighty buttocks of "Bob" I feel beter about every thing. I got no problam with the church of the Subgenius and in fact I am proud of my Yeti heritage. If you do not beleave in "Bob" your doomed and you will get cursed by the bleeding head of Chi Chi Rodriguez and there will be much smiting. Lots and lots of smiting. And the fighting Jesus will rise up from a monster truck show in Idaho with his holy guardien angel, the dead body of Jack Ruby, and he will kick peoples asses all to hell. But not the hell you know and love a difrant hell of nothing but frat boys in Hanson tee shirts and Spider Man underwear. Some body gimme my damn Ritalin.

I just fell out of my chair.

oswald you are the living end

the living end

I am back. Arent you happy. Bet your dancing with joy. Dorian went back to his home and it was real sad for us. But his folks say he can come stay a week or 2 with me this Summer and we are real happy about that. Dorian didnt know if he would get to graduate from school this year he is not supose to get out til next year but he did extra stuff and it looks like their gonna let him out so, he may be in colage soon. His parants want him to go out of state the closest they want him to go is Vanderbilt or maybe even some where out east and that realy sux. We both hope he will go to school close by but his folks are against it they say we mite break up some day and then he will have throwed his school days away by going to colage nearby when he could have been some where real. But we will not break up dammit. I have just paintd my finger nails pink with white glitter I look so fucken cute today. I am such a precious little shit. I think I'm gonna write a musical about being a teen faggot. Captain Benteen the musical. Whenever I get a hard on every body can burst into song.

"Whenever I get a hard on every body can burst into song." aaaaah, yes. the shits and giggles. i need to try hitchhiking so i can go out there and give you a hug.

A hug would be real cool. I can always use that. I am a huggy kind of guy. Like a big old tedy bear exceapt I'm not fluffy at all I am just boney and kinda thin.

the huggiest guys i've known were all gay. one i went on a couple of dates with. j1. he was a clarinet player and a great singer. one of the last concerts together at the schnitz...it was christmas and i had a big bag of chocolate kisses. we argued because more guys took kisses from him than from me. he wanted to give kisses to all the french horn players. we stood outside the backstage bathroom (next to the green room) and bantered for a while. then the men's restroom door opens. "there's one! kiss him!" the guy stops dead in his tracks and turned bright red before he ran away. later he apologized. "if i'd known they were chocolate..."

Gay guys are real huggy. I like that. I get lots of hugs from my folks and from my boyfriend too. I didnt start geting hugs and love and stuff until I left home and meet other gay guys but they wanted sex all the time. Now I get hugs when ever I want to and I dont have to give up my ass for it. Its great.

i like hugs because they can be totally nonsexual. as in, a symbol of caring and friendship. they're...safe.

I like the safe hugs. But some times it can get hot too and thats what is cool about it. It can go both ways. Dorian has a way to touch me that is real inosent and a way that is hot and he know just what I need and when. Some people can even be creepy when they hug you I got a hug from a strange guy a couple weeks ago I met him and he give me a hug and it was just loaded with creepyness. Holding hands is real nice too I hold hands with my friend Violet a lot. It makes us feel beter about stuff like when we get afraid. I am real afraid of storms and she hold my hand and then I feel more safe. Its nice that not every hug and every time you hold hands has to turn into some big sexual deal.

. a few weeks ago i interviewed a band and the singer put his hand on my shoulder and i was creeped out. not that anything happened, but all of a sudden i remembered all the fears my mom has when i'm out at night. i had a nightmare that i got together with an ex and the police were after me. not good at all. a handhold is often a sign of inclusion and encouragement....plus if you don't want to let go it's like dancing.

Now, as a straight man, I have to say that I love hugs too. My whole family is huggy, which wasn't easy when I had a nipple ring. Hugs can mean many things. They can be a comfort, a support, and a deep meaning of kinship, and it doesn't have to be sexual at all. We all need touch.

It dont matter if your straight or gay. We all need hugs and stuff. It would be nice if straight guys was more huggy some times just cause some body gets a big hug from me does not mean that i am going to come on to him. "For reaching new heights of vulgarity, lewdness, and public indecency, your pornographic approach to life stands as a permanent obscene gesture" That is from some thing Auntie Crimson got in the mail. She gets the funnyest crap in the mail she is on the mail list for every weardo in America.

you, crimson, and pug were in my dreams last night. its vague...but there was this book fair...i think we were in your area...I THINK...and i was hanging out at your place...I THINK. i don't recall much other than it was you oswald. fucking weird.

Its cool that you had a dream about me! If you saw some body in your dream who was real foxy and sweet it was probly me all right. If you saw Pug you would see a big guy with long brown dreds. If you saw my house you would see a hell of a mess. My bedroom is scary I wanna put mirors on the ceeling just for kicks and Pilate want to know why I want mirors up there but its just to make my room look cool. Its a swingin batcheler pad in training the Archbishop must have cool decore. I'm gonna hang at Crimsons for a wile a badass storm is coming in and the sky is black. Her dog is super afraid of storms and so am I. She can watch over both us chicken shits.

I love thunderstorms. My animals however, do not. Did you know that animals can sense an incoming storm before even radar can? Horses get so nervous and so do pigs. Birds sing loudest before a storm as well.

cats supposedly get freaked before an earthquake.

an earthquake hit little rock last week & a friend down there said that her animals went apeshit just before it happened. it was around 2 o'clock in the morning... the animals all went fucking nuts, dogs, cats, birds. they freaked out & woke up the whole household. then the quake hit. my dog's completely terrified of storms, to the point of neuroses. i'm trying to comfort him, but he's just trembling terribly & cowering. poor horatio. i wish there was some way for me to tell him that it's just a storm & that it'll be OK.

have you ever heard of the calm before a storm? it's almost scarier than the storm itself. so quiet...and the sky is a weird greenish color and you just with that the storm would start because then you'd have something to worry about. i think there's a similar thing with earthquakes.

There is, it's called--gee, everything is qui--OH, SHIT.

My friend Violet is a Pagan and she talkd me into doing some Pagan stuff with her and so we did this ritual. We did it a few times now and it feels alright but I wondar. Will it be ok? I am a Xtian not a Pagan and I hope its ok and wont upset any thing in the spirit world I do not want to piss off God cause that is not a good idea. I do not know if the Pagan gods are real I hardly got a handle on the church I grew up in I do not know all this religion stuff. Violet give me a robe and I do the ritual and its fun and kinda cool it is difrant. Its kinda like voodoo but the gods are not the same. It got nothing to do with Jesus thats for sure.

I think I would make a beter Subgenius than a Pagan but I should be my own man. I want to be on my own in my thinking. But I do beleave in God. How far out can you go beafore he ropes you back in, I have got to much religion not to be invoalved in some thing like a church I would not make a real good athiest. The Pagan god with his horns and shit is pretty cool. Kinda sexy and dangerois. But that same god is like a devill it is all very mixed up. Violet say that I am wasteing my self by not being a Pagan cause I could get to be a preist. But I could be a preacher too or nothing at all. If I am in some thing tho I would kinda like to be the leader of it. Like here you know. I am the leader of this whole damn mesage board and every one bow down before me and send me sex slaves and stuff just to get on my good side. Ha ha.

all praise oswald, our lord and god!

I'm kind of like a trinity I am Brendan and Oswald and Captain Benteen 3 gods roled into one. More god for your money.

kind of like a cock and two balls.

holy trinity my ass

it would have to be your ass plus two more things. that's what trinity means. three. get it?

one cock two balls... i was just imagining a bulbous weiner in your ear for being a fucknut.....and this look of amazement on your face...like those commercials in the 50s when the detergent DID make things more white.

everything was more white in the 50s. this thread is entirely too long.

The thread is too long maybe I will make up a new one later. The trinity I had in mind wasn't a cock and balls but what the hell I can work with that. Since I got the biggest cock and balls here maybe they can studyed for the future so folks can tell the grand kids what a REAL dick looked like. Not a teeny tiny unit like some of you guys are packing but the Captain's mighty groove machine!

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Perhaps Oswald might be better starting a Blogger or an online journal of some sort. I've been fine with the thread so far, but it just seems a bit strange to continue to have threads devoted to just one poster. (run for cover from Oswald fan club)

or not. not strange when it's oswald. o controversial one.

It is not all about me and it did not start by any body being my fan it start with a bunch of folks who say I am a fake gee thanx. I got no fan club here thats for damn sure. I did post some diary shit tho and who ever does not want to read it dont have to. I can start a new thread no problam. But people may talk to me on the new thread and then watch out. I want a place to post diary entrys and stuff and I got a place to do that but I do not think I can post for real. I can not cuss and talk about being queer and post real shit at least I dont think so. I can post real stuff here so I do. If this thread is buggin people I guess its time to make a new one I will come around later and try to think of some thing you know every one can have their own thread its not just me and I didnt even start this one any how. I see othars put poems and personel stuff on there threads its okay.

long threads just take longer to load. especially dave's post "my dick is so big..."

Dave that's the funniest.

oswald, you do what you want. i have no problem loading this thread, what with our high speed cable modem. also, this is one of the only threads i read regularly anymore, because it's rarely boring and cynical. you go, guy!

Thanks! I will probly start a new thread any way cause it will be easyer to load. I just dont know what to say in the new thread. I could maybe talk about fear. Storms and how I am so afraid of them.There is one going on now it has been real bad. My boy friend Dorian has talk to me on the phone and, I may get to see him tonite for a while around midnite that would be so cool. He can make me feel good even in a storm! He is such a good person. I am at Crimsons place now her dog is afraid of thundar even more than I am. He is so afraid he is shaken real bad and I am holding him like a little baby.

I watched a big storm roll in on my birthday. It was cool, must have been going about 60mph. I like the big storms, but I have paranoia about Tornados. Especially when I am staying on a hilltop.