the sky was angry blue. i walk like jesus eating the heat. her, she's on my mind. on my mind. my truck is fucking filthy. i'm climbing behind the wheel. it smells like automobile. inside and out. hot hotomobile. i twist the key twist on the air conditioning pull her into R. push her into D. i'm on my way. traffic is thick on san tomas. i cross four lanes like a demon. i hate people sometimes. i hate people when i'm driving. i ridicule them loudly, gesture rudely. i'm driving. i take a left on monroe. i flip off a cop in my mind. just for old times sake. i'm driving. i pass the giant mall. the kind of mall people dress up to go to. i was in there yesterday, buying new towels. i need good towels. i have never bought towels before. i bought new cologne, too. the lady helped me with the cologne. i was wearing my affluent shirt. khakis. florsheims. she wouldn't have talked to me if i had been dressed normally. effluent. she showed my nose four scents. i chose one. i bought one. i bought the big bottle. i bought the big bottle with the deoderant. i said sure to anything she said. i'm a good consumer. i left. i couldn't remember where i parked. i walked four hundred miles to parking lot A. looks like the rest of the parking lots. i seemed to remember parking upstairs. i walked up stairs. no truck. i walked another four hundred miles and tried parking lot C. remembered parking downstairs. found my truck. smiled a mall rat smoking a cigarette. he gave me a foul look. fuck him. i'm driving again. pull on to stevens creek, then immediately onto the ramp to 17. am i talking about yesterday or today? doesn't matter. i do this every day. yesterday i was talking to her. probably about towels. i'd never bought towels before. today i was alone with my thoughts. my thoughts and NPR and a whole fucking mess of assholes with driver's licenses. i'm totally bikeist. i give wide so the dirty guys on the heavy bikes can slip up between slow traffic. but i kiss the dotted line when some akira wannabe on a rice rocket with a matching plether jumpsuit and helmet pulls that shit. fuck him. fuck the akira motherfuckers. i see swarms of the akira motherfuckers in my town all summer. they come out to ride hwy 9. they're interested in their bikes and their fabulous plether jumpsuits. they ride and when they take off their helmets and pump gas it looks like a fucking star trek convention. i see a lot of the dirty motherfuckers, too. but they ride out past my house. into the redwoods. into the state park. they're enjoying the world, not post-apocalyptic tokyo dreams. i'm home now. i came home and made a little thai green curry with vegetables. i drank a beer. i hit the bong. i watched the first fifteen minutes of road trip. and now i sit here. how fucking exciting is that. i got assigned today. officially. i'm attached to three projects. no body wanted to do this, they said. when they first approached me with the third project, it was a do or die. the promise makers had made promises. the schedule slipped. get nate. nate will fix it. but evaluate your current load, nate. if you're not to overwhelmed. it sounds like you're about to be between projects, nate. maybe this could be a higher priority. or maybe not. maybe it is all Q3 and maybe i'll just do it all. happily. oh, and by the way, we don't want you to just work this new project. we need you to manage it. sure. it's not like i have anyone expecting me home for dinner. i sound bitter. i'm not. i'm excited. when i kick ass on this one, i'll be fluffier than a fucking muskrat in january. i was also granted my vacation request today. which is great, because she's coming to stay on 6/9. so i have some days off while she's here. exactly what i wanted. exactly what i needed. free it up with a couple three-day weekends. little road trips. and father's day. bbq at the parent's house. she'll get to see all the dorkass pictures of me on the walls. especially revealling, one of the annual christmas family shots. there i am. smiling, but not really. tongue in pushed behind my lip or something. thumbs hooked in my belt loops. elbows out, like i think i'm a tough guy. all of maybe 13. an akward age. shirt tucked in but unbuttoned. pulled open to reveal my "batman sucks" t-shirt. she'll see this. she'll see every bad haircut, chronicled up the stairway. i'm lucky, i guess. that's the worst thing about meeting my parents. i'm not even that bothered. it's funny, more than anything. heh. shit. but i can't wait. 9 days. damn. it's coming. jeff buckley does it better than leonard cohen. but remember when i moved in you and the holy dove was moving too and every breath we drew was hallelujah i keep falling. goddamnit i keep falling.

i relate to the road rage. (what a surprise) i think it's a washington thing where four drivers on a 4 lane pace each otherso you can't pass them and there's no traffic for at least a mile ahead of them. my theory is they're all off-duty cops.

i've never seen that. good way to get shot, i'd think. i don't have road rage. i have road joy.

It'll be alright Nate.If you think enough of her to take her to your parents,and she's willing to go,she'll find your old pics "cute". Women are funny that way.If she's enamoured of you,she won't see the geekyness,she'll she the growing up years of the guy she's hooked on,and will think they are adorable.

but where's the fornication and masturbation???

you're soaking in it.

Every morning and every evening I say these words: I HATE. Howled, snarled, whimpered...always the same words. Nate, most women think most children are cute. She'll probably like you more after seeing your photos and meeting your family, regardless of how ugly you or your folks are, simply because she'll learn more about you.

i'm not really that worried. i was just ranting.

Everybody knows that the dice are loaded Everybody rolls with their fingers crossed Everybody knows that the war is over Everybody knows the good guys lost Everybody knows the fight was fixed The poor stay poor, the rich get rich That's how it goes Everybody knows Everybody knows that the boat is leaking Everybody knows that the captain lied Everybody got this broken feeling Like their father or their dog just died Everybody talking to their pockets Everybody wants a box of chocolates And a long stem rose Everybody knows Everybody knows that you love me baby Everybody knows that you really do Everybody knows that you've been faithful Ah give or take a night or two Everybody knows you've been discreet But there were so many people you just had to meet Without your clothes And everybody knows Everybody knows, everybody knows That's how it goes Everybody knows Everybody knows, everybody knows That's how it goes Everybody knows And everybody knows that it's now or never Everybody knows that it's me or you And everybody knows that you live forever Ah when you've done a line or two Everybody knows the deal is rotten Old Black Joe's still pickin' cotton For your ribbons and bows And everybody knows And everybody knows that the Plague is coming Everybody knows that it's moving fast Everybody knows that the naked man and woman Are just a shining artifact of the past Everybody knows the scene is dead But there's gonna be a meter on your bed That will disclose What everybody knows And everybody knows that you're in trouble Everybody knows what you've been through From the bloody cross on top of Calvary To the beach of Malibu Everybody knows it's coming apart Take one last look at this Sacred Heart Before it blows And everybody knows Everybody knows, everybody knows That's how it goes Everybody knows Oh everybody knows, everybody knows That's how it goes Everybody knows

concrete blonde did it better than leonard cohen.

No, they didn't.

They sentenced me to twenty years of boredom For trying to change the system from within I'm coming now, I'm coming to reward them First we take Manhattan, then we take Berlin I'm guided by a signal in the heavens I'm guided by this birthmark on my skin I'm guided by the beauty of our weapons First we take Manhattan, then we take Berlin I'd really like to live beside you, baby I love your body and your spirit and your clothes But you see that line there moving through the station? I told you, I told you, told you, I was one of those Ah you loved me as a loser, but now you're worried that I just might win You know the way to stop me, but you don't have the discipline How many nights I prayed for this, to let my work begin First we take Manhattan, then we take Berlin I don't like your fashion business mister And I don't like these drugs that keep you thin I don't like what happened to my sister First we take Manhattan, then we take Berlin I'd really like to live beside you, baby ... And I thank you for those items that you sent me The monkey and the plywood violin I practiced every night, now I'm ready First we take Manhattan, then we take Berlin I am guided Ah remember me, I used to live for music Remember me, I brought your groceries in Well it's Father's Day and everybody's wounded First we take Manhattan, then we take Berlin

Anyone who says REM did it better will be smacked.

hey i have that cd. har.

you're right spider. but jeff buckley DID do hallelujah better.

cohen's version of everbody knows is much better..even though (secret shame) im a huge concrete blonde fan.

I've only heard the Jeff Buckley version, so I can't comment. You know how much Leonard Cohen means to me, though....so I'd probably like his version better just on principle.

back in the late 80's there was an eclectic live music show that came on late at night that was hosted by the original keyboard for squeeze (jools holland?) and a jazz sax player named david sanborn. one night leonard cohen and sonny rollins were on the same night, so they paired them up. i'd never been much of a cohen fan, but it was kind of hypnotic to see him perform. i really want to say the song they did was "first we'll take manhattan," but i may be confused. i just remember that sonny rollins' sax solo was so incredible that made it even more memorable. i watched that show a lot, but that's the performance that stands out in my mind.

The guy...you know, the tease...he made me listen to David Sanborn. "Willow Weep for Me" was one of the songs. It was...eh. He also made me listen to another sax player, Euge something. David Sanborn was better. I made him listen to Tom Waits. He did not like it.

david sanborn did the sax for that bowie tune "young americans" and for a roger waters album the name of which i can't remember. that's really all i've ever heard.

"Dead Man's Blues" -- droopy, what would you call that kind of music? It reminds me of New Orleans.

HOW THE FUCK CAN YOU NOT LIKE RICE OR TOM WAITS!!???? GOD DAMN MAN! hey kalliope sugartits how are you?

it is new orleans jazz, spider. golden age jazz. that recording was made in the early to mid-20's, just before the time of the armstrong "hot five" recordings. that king oliver tune i sent you has louis playing on it, before he went out on his own.

tom waits. leonard cohen. these are your father figure crushes, eh spider?

No, I only like them as friends.

Thank you, droopy. I particularly like the intro to that song.

so says you. you must dispise us nosy bastards. have you seen mccabe and mrs. miller?

who are they? i don't despise anyone.

I've seen mccabe and mrs. miller more than once.

it's a movie. robert altman, 1971. cohen did the soundtrack. i highly recommend the movie. http://us.imdb.com/Title?0067411

it's beautiful.

Are you sure? The synopsis on that page didn't make the movie sound very interesting. I just got nicely complimented by the Godfather, and a coworker told me he said even nicer things about me when he got off the phone with me. I'm so appreciated. She herself called me a godsend. Ah, I feel so warm and fuzzy! Oooh, look at that. I just got our renewal spreadsheet in my inbox. Subject: Present for you!! I'm afraid to open the message. 1732 colleges. I guess you won't be hearing from me as often in the next few weeks.

I'm gonna agree with patrick..(hiya creamyass) I IGNORE PEOPLE WHO DONT LIKE TOM WAITS speaking of which has anyone heard the duet he did with Bette Midler? lickable.

It's on "Foreign Affairs," right? Then yep.

I found a Lightning Hopkins C.D. at McFrugals last week,I think Droopy mentioned him once,I love espeacially Shake that thing,and Mojo Hand.

what the fuck is McFrugals?

mcfrugals smells funny.

Sounds like a cd place. I just picked up Alien Ant Farm and a live Black Flag album at my fav cd store, Used Kids. It's interesting how one artist can be used as a test of somebody's character. I too would not care to associate much with someone who didn't like Tom Waits.

It's a real cheap depatment store,use to be called Pic and Save,they have a little bit of everything,cheap.

Nate, you need to write a fucking novel....about anything. About flies fucking. It would still be incredible. I agree w/all the Tom Waits analogies---the same philosophy goes w/"the Simpsons", in my opinion. If you don't see the humor in it....I'm not sure I trust you. Lightning Hopkins rocks. Cool garage punk band outta Memphis, the Oblivians, did a killer version of his "Viet Nam War Blues". "I stepped into an Avalanche/ It covered up my soul" "It is your turn, my beloved one/ It is your flesh that I wear..." Never have heard Leonard Cohen's version of this....but Nick Cave's cover SMOKES. Altho I'm in total agreement.....Jeff Buckley's "Hallelujah" walks all over Cohen's.....

thanks pug. i want to write a novel. i need to find a woman to support me. heh. i watched the live jeff buckley 'grace' thing or whatever. just recently. what a fucking cockfuck. arrogant jackass motherfucker.

are you guys talking about plain ol' liking or really liking. i'm more likely to get along with someone who doesn't like tom waits than i am with someone who doesn't like ween. semillama, have you ever seen the tar babies? they're sort of from your region.

Hi. I'm back for a bit. I'm behind on the news. Who's this chick "coming to stay" on 6/9, Nate

she's this amazing, amazing woman.

Lucky bastard....

i don't believe in luck.

i've seen the Oblivions many times pug......they played atlanta alot.

Are they from Oblivia? Cause I go there when I'm tanked,kind of my home away from home.

no hon, as Pug says, they are from Nasville.

What about people who like Ween and Tom Waits? Rex was making fun of my Pet Shop Boys collection. ass.

shit, id make fun of your pet shop boys collection.

that's because you're not hip.

I like Pet Shop Boys and Depeche Mode and Oingo Boingo they are all alot alike

oh my fucking god. Trace get OUR OF THAT CLOSET. cmere kalli, i'll show you hip.

Depeche Mode r0x. Leave them out of this.

What???

depeche mode? you'll dance to anything.

Not the Pet Shop Boys, that's for damned sure.

I never said I dance to anything. At least it's not village people

You'll dance to anything You'll dance to anything Okay, look at you Don't you look like Siouxsie Sioux How long did it take to get that way What a terrible waste of energy You wear black clothes say you're poetic The sad truth is you're just pathetic Get into the groove get out of my way I came here to drink not to get laid So why don't you just go on home If you want to moan you'll have to moan alone You'll dance to anything... You'll dance to anything... Don't try to tell me that you're an intellectual Cause you're just another boring bisexual ("I met Andy Warhol at a really chic party") Blow it out your hairdoo cause you really work at Hardees 80 pounds of make up on your art school skin 80 points of I.Q. located within Know what you are? You're a bunch of ... Artfags! Artfags! Choke on this you dance-a-teria types! You'll dance to anything by the Communards You'll dance to anything by Book of Love You'll dance to anything by The Smiths You'll dance to anything by De-peche Mode You'll dance to anything by Public Image Limited You'll dance to anything by Naked Truth You'll dance to anything by any bunch of stupid Europeans who come over here with their big hairdoos bent on taking OUR money instead of giving your cash, where it belongs, to a decent American artist like myself! You'll dance to anything!

Nate, look what you started!

how the hell am i responsible for this?

Nate, Aren't you responsible for everything? Hot sun beating down burning my feet just walking around. Hot sun making me sweat 'Gators getting close, hasn't got me yet I can't dance, I can't talk. Only thing about me is the way I walk. I can't dance, I can't sing I'm just standing here selling everything. Blue jeans sitting on the beach, her dog's talking to me, but she's out of reach. She's got a body under that shirt, but all she wants to do is rub my face in the dirt. Cos, I can't dance, I can't talk. Only thing about me is the way I walk. I can't dance, I can't sing I'm just standing here selling. Oh and checking everything is in place, you never know who's looking on. Young punk spilling beer on my shoes, fat guy's talking to me trying to steal my blues. Thick smoke, see her smiling through. I never thought so much could happen just shooting pool. But I can't dance, I can't talk. The only thing about me is the way that I walk. I can't dance, I can't sing I'm just standing here selling Oh and checking everything is in place You never know who's looking on A perfect body with a perfect face - uh-huh. No, I can't dance, I can't talk. The only thing about me is the way I walk. No, I can't dance, I can't sing I'm just standing here selling everything. But I can walk. No I can't dance. No no no I can't dance No I said I can't sing. But I can walk.

You put ideas in the boy's head, that's how. YOU.

did you just quote genesis, trace? jesus smokin' chirst. what boy, spider? what ideas? how about being nice to nate?

What's wrong with genesis? Phil Collins is, with out question, my favorite. Blood on the windows Millions of ordinary people are there They gaze at the scenery They act as if it is perfectly clear Take a look at the mountains Take a look at the beautiful river of blood. The liquid surrounds me I fight to rise from this river of hell I stare round about me Children are swimming and playing with boats Their features are changing Their bodies dissolve and I am alone. Now see what you've gone and done, nate. Now see what you've gone and done, nate. Well now you never did see such a terrible thing As was seen last night on T.V. Maybe if we're lucky, they will show it again Such a terrible thing to see - oh But there's nothing you can do when you're next in line You've got to go domino. Now I'm one with the living and I'm feeling just fine I know just what I gotta do Play the game of happiness and never let on That it only lives on in a song - oh Well there's nothing you can do when you're next in line You've got to go domino. Do you know what you have done, nate? Do you know what you've begun, nate? In silence and darkness Hold each other near tonight For will it last forever? Will it last forever - forever... There's nothing you can do when you're the next in line You've got to go domino. Do you know, do you know, do you know what you have done, nate Do you see what you've begun, nate? Cos there's nothing, nothing, nothing There's nothing you can do, there's nothing you can do Do you see, do you see what you have done nate? Just joining in with the rest, also kidding

ah. trace is back.

I'm sorry, Nate. Somebody has to be blamed. Ahh, c'mere, you. The torch I carry is handsome It's worth its heartache in ransom Now when that twilight steals I know how the lady in the harbor feels When I want rain, I get sunny weather I'm just as blue as the sky Since love has gone, I can't get myself together Guess I'll hang my tears out to dry My friends ask me out, but I tell them I'm busy I need a new alibi I stay at home and ask myself, "who is he?" Guess I'll hang my tears out to dry Dry little tear drops, my little tear drops, Moving on a stream of dreams My little memories, those precious memories, Remind me of our crazy schemes Then somebody says, just forget about her, So I gave that treatment a try Strangely enough, I got along without her Then one day she passed me right by - oh well I guess I'll hang my tears out to dry

i met andy warhol at a really chic party blow it out your ass because you work at hardees. thanks droop, ive been humming that ever since.

HAHAHAHA You know what Stuart? I like you. You aren't like the other people, here in the trailer park. Yea. Wanna really beat my ass? I bought the best of Soft Cell the other day too! ANNDDDDDDDD Linda Rondstats Greatest Hits. I so just ruined any chance of getting Nate into bed with me.

did you do it on purpose?

you should blame me, spider. i'm the one who made the dead milkman reference.

get OUR OF THAT CLOSET. that's almost as good as "love them alcohol." i'm peeing my pants. i must be tired.

Ya,you are too young for Depends.