| THIS IS A READ-ONLY ARCHIVE FROM THE SORABJI.COM MESSAGE BOARDS (1995-2016). |
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Sometimes I get in these moods were I want to tell people EVERYTHING. Later on, I realize that my intense need for self-revelation was motivated by aggression. Misguided but true. It's like: I have a friend who has terrible scars all over his body and half of his body is underdeveloped. He always wears long sleeves and long pants, so I never noticed this until he broke out in hives one night and took off his shirt. I was concerned with his hives and didn't notice the scars (they're internal, muscular scars so his skin isn't marked but the terrain under his skin is lumpy). He demanded to know why I wasn't asking him about the scars. Didn't I notice? Didn't I care? I told him I hadn't noticed, but now that I had, his scars were his business and he didn't have to talk about them unless he wanted to. Then he relaxed, and then he told me. Aggression on his part, too. I don't have any rude questions for you, Patrick, but you can tell me anything you'd like. |
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I dont have anything particular spider. This thread was not motivated by a need to reveal. I just wanted to see what some might ask. |
Sometimes, not always but sometimes, you become the biggest cocksucker here. When you get into the zone, and move from Patrick to Asshole you are worse in terms of pointless arguments with no substance meant to do nothing more then piss people off, then Nate is. So the question is, on these days(weeks) why do you preform the Dr.Jekel/Mr.Hide Rutine? |
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You're asking people to donate them! |
Maybe if you had examples of when YOU think im being a the biggest cocksucker I could better address your question. thanks for playing |
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dumbass. thanks for playing. |
so, patrick, what is the hidden meaning behind your refusal to wear underwear? |
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funny you ask. yesterday I wore underwear. I though it might be kinda cute if the logo on my black boxerbriefs showed a bit, as i wore baggy cords, and a small white tee. Kinda gay sounding i know. But, it was reaffirmed yesterday why underway is a ....uhh...pain in the ass. It gets twisted, my left nut spent the day in the small of my back, the other one hung around my left hip. Its uncomfortable. No underwear Ive ever worn is comfortable with pants on. Briefs, boxer briefs, let alone boxershorts. today im commando again. simple, no scrunching and twisting, no dilemmas finding the pee hole. simplicity and comfort agatha THANKS!!!! |
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Why am I cursed like this? |
Thank me for playing, dammit. |
last time I saw a friend who had a sty in his eye, for some reason I just felt I had to acknowledge it. I think I said, "what a drag about your eye. does it hurt?" |
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Do you feel that you have an abnormally long nutsack? DO you think if you lived in Alaska, maybe you wouldn't have as much a problem with the dangle? |
sometimes, when its hot out, and the boys need a/c yes THANKS! |
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sure as hell wasnt for the money. i think i just wanted to buy beer with your drivers license. |
i really like this womans voice. called the DJ, the Rondelles she says. hmmm |
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Lentil soup and some beef and chicken knock me into a more gaseous than usual state. Oh yeah and those fucking turkey and chicken sausages. Those things....if they are more healthy for me, how come they have a harder time getting through my system. I don't know anything about any charcoal inserts. |
not a woman's voice though. |
is that a rude question? |
i had to add all the curses to make it rude. |
thanks for playing needledick |
stop it with the thanks for playing. |
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a dj at nrk (squid) made squid mix of "the real slim shady" over the background of "oops i did it again" i wanted to bark. patrick, is there any music that makes you howl? |
Patrick, why do you have such stupid hair? Patrick, why can't you match your shoes to your bag? Patrick, what is that strange smell coming from your ear? Patrick, why aren't you trying harder to entertain Me? Patrick, do you ever start thinking, and then stop again because you're hurting yourself? I really tried to be rude, but I'm not sure if it worked. |
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../.\.. /|.|\ ...|.|... ...|.|... patty, do you find these shitty peanut gallery comments entertaining? |
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i found my wallet- you can't even steal right, can you? |
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ok. one at a time. Sem in reference to your cover song question....I have no fucking clue. music that makes me howl? hmm. Muddy Waters Folk Music album makes me wanna howl. Gee 1) My parents named me, once they saw me when I was born. I must have looked girly. I disagree its a girly name though. 2)I dont think my hair is so stupid, but I would say alot of it may have to do with limited choices. Its thick, slightly wave and has a mind of its own. I am due for a hair cut. 3)My shoes do match my bag, both are black. Pay attention 4)Get away from my ears. 4)This is clearly entertaining YOU. Pay attention. 5)I've never hurt myself thinking. I have hurt myself walking and thinking at the same time though. no, it didnt really work try again. Because i was walking the blvd taking pictures pez. motherfucker. Yes, i do find the comments entertaining, definitly. and heather, not nearly enough. Although i think i vagule answered that the other day in a conversation with sem. PAY ATTENTION! |
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as much as you would like to think my usuage of those phrases had something to do with you, i must admit, they didnt. you can call me anytime. |
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"Patrick, what does Nate's ass smell like?" Im bound by contract and legal threats not to reveal. "Patrick, do you ever wonder what that strange rattling noise is when you shake your head?" Probably the sounds of your legs rubbing together as you mess around inside my ears. "Patrick, is that a very teeny tiny almost non-existant pencil nub in your pocket or are you just happy to see me?" Im happy to see you if you have a new pencil as this one is CLEARLY worn out. |
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Anal: good or bad?* *posted only because i think this thread has some real potential, and i don't want it to die |
giving? sure its a good thing. but im not really an authority on giving as Ive never done so. Attempted yes, but unsuccesful. receiving? sure its a good thing. but im not really an authority on receiving either. |
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my weiner and a bee sting. bee stings go away and im not allergic to bee stings. so ill keep my arm for a temporary bump on my weiner. |
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thats no rude question moonit. I must stay on task. |
or do I need to start a "perverted haiku" thread??? |
slipping silently off of grandma's ample thighs |
but i'll pretend it is. no, ive never thought of my grandmas thighs, with whipped cream, nor would i be turned on by the site. I would just think shes forgot whats what. |
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im grateful for your participation |
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and i replied, sometimes, when its really hot. |
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AND THEY DO!!!! |
Can you tie them in a bow? |
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i had a feeling about you dave. |
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but it wasnt a very rude question to be frank missy. as you know its entirely impossible to do such a thing with my testes. but THANKS anyway. Im really hoping someone will bounce along and make me blush with a rude question the blast the pantaloons off Ann Flanders |
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What if when I see you at Sorabjifest,and for some reason,I see your penis,and start laughing hysterically? |
what if. well. you know, logically, the probability of this happening is next to none. illogically, playing along, if this did happen, id probably laugh at you, thinking you're completely out of your mind. logically, i have the admiration and approval of one woman, its all i need. |
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I dont "squeeze" anything either. That can be bad. |
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what the hell? i appreciate the rudeness but man why the diarreha? wait. dont answer that. |
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I always figured they were the same fat bald man who never gets out. |
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Also, we're officially moving now into a 2-bedroom apartment now. Sounds like the lease will be signed in the next couple of days. |
good luck. |
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hey patrick, tell us about how you eat pussy. Do you like it? (i'm at work. i need stimulation.) (MENTAL stimulation) |
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do your balls hang high? do they reach up to the sky..... |
you guys can do better than poop and balls cant you? |
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I would say one point of embarassment for me are my fraile knees. They have caused me much embarrassment in social situations. |
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They pop, creak and threats to pop out of socket. Just the other day, running to catch the subway, I felt it start to slip....shit just thinking about it makes me shiver. If it had popped it would have dropped me to the ground right there in the middle of the subway. They ache and after near slips like the otehr day, they are vulnerable for a few days afterwars. its really the vulnerability. |
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Stories, Patty, stories. |
Once while doing kareoke at a company xmas party. the song Blue Suede shoes. In front of 80 or so people and their spouses. Another time, here in a loft party downtown LA and actually this could have happened to anybody...but someone had broken a glass earlier and there was a piece of glass on the floor. While doin the James Brown boogooloo, my foot stepped on top of the glass, I slipped on the concrete floor, knee went POP!!!! recently, while walking on the sidewalk, I hit an uneven piece of pavement...POP fell right there in front of a couple of 12 year old kids who probably thought i was a big dork. Many times playing soccer. The most memorable and painful I recall is during my indoor season...and both the guy and i went for the ball at the same time. we both literally hit the ball at the very some time. Both of our feet recoiled, my knee went POP! Lets see, lots of other little times, but these are the most memorable and embarrassing. |
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Can I tell a "most embarrasing moment" here?Would that be too intrussive? I've never told ANYONE,because its really stupid.I could never tell anyone in person.I'm swearing you all to secrecy. I got caught naked in my backyard,by the meter reader.Well,not completely naked.It would have been much better,had I been completely naked.I was naked,except I had my sons football helmet on.I hid from the meter reader for six months,because I was so embarrassed. But the worse part,is what he said to me. [I guess I should explain why I was naked,and wearing the football helmet] I train race horses,and I was working a young colt,and young horses are pretty dumb,and I don't like to mess with them,cause they're so high strung,and I'm not big enough to man-handle them. [Let me just say,that I am an excellent handler of grown horses]Give me the meanest stallion in the barn,no problem,I know what he's gonna do,before he does.But babies are unpredictable,and dangerous. So to shorten the story........I was working this young colt,doing some ground work with him,and he was just cutting up and being stupid.And you never end a lesson on a bad note,cause horses have an excellent memory,and he would always repeat this bad behavior,so I needed to intervene. You NEVER ride a race horse without a helmet.They are to unpredictable.Well,I was mad,cause the horse was cutting up,and it was hot,and I was sweating like a pig.So I decided to ride his ass[wich is a logical thing to do],to get some of the piss and vinager out of him,get him good and tired,then I could continue my ground work.But I had my clothes on. I'd left my helmet at the track,which would have been an hour drive,to retrieve it.And I just wanted to finish the lesson,and be done with it. So I decided I'd wear my sons football helmet,which was better than nothing.[I'd done this before,but its really stupid,and I have NEVER told another horse person] So the damn horse throws me,into a big mud puddle.I'm really pissed,and covered with mud,but get back on him,and finish the lesson. I'm absolutely filthy and stinky,by the time I finish.My clothes were ruined. So I'm heading to the house,to clean up.Well,the pool is right there.And I'm 100% sure there is no one around to see me.So I decide to strip and hose myself off,and jump in to cool off.So I do,well, the faucet is right by the pool,and I hear the filter making a strange sound,kinda a grinding type sound. I'm already in a bad mood,so go to see whats wrong with it.And Like a fool,I start beating on it[why do we always think we can repair complex machinery,by whacking it?] So I'm standing there,naked,wearing the football helmet,whacking the filter,then intently reading the gauges,to see if I fixed it.All of a sudden,I hear my big,deaf watch dog growling,so I look up and its the meter man,standing in my yard,with his mouth wide open.I scrambled for cover. I was already mortified.But it got worse. He says to me,"Hope your team wins,lady." I have never told a soul about this. I also have never worn that stupid football helmet,again |
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Excellent story Czarina. You made my day. Maybe I'll tell mine when I can figure out which one is more emberassing than the others. Thanks for sharing. |
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our very own urban legend! what team was it, anyway? |
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usually when the meter man comes nobody's home. either that or he;s so quiet we don't notice. |
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I loved the story. I makes my most embarising moments seem insignificant. Thank you for sharing it here. |
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My meter man always knocks on the door and says hello before he leaves. I guess that's kind of odd, isn't it? |
one night i came in and my roommates were already sleeping. when they woke up, one noticed that her purse was not at the foot of the bed where she left it. mine was still sitting right by the door, so at first we thought perhaps she had misplaced it. we looked around a couple minutes and i decided to look outside- just in case. her bag was in the hall in front of our door, her money and credit cards gone but the rest was left there. |
marinara francesca. motherfucker tiramisu nutsackrimjobwellbutt. when in Rome. let me tell you about my weekend. whether you care or not. i do. I have my coffee, Im wearing new pants that in honesty make my ass look edible...and i've never felt that way about my ass. lets see, went to the sunset junction street fair. 10,000 people...gyros and churros and margeritas from a machine made with wine. rode the whirly bird carny ride and remembered that half the scare on carny rides is not the intended scare of the ride but rather the rickety car you are in, the one and only cotter pin seemingly holding it all together. I saw Texas Teri, Nels Cline and Mike Watt, and the new sensation of rockstar hollywood, some band called Flash Express, an odd 3 piece...AC/DC mixed with Jon Spencer and some other local acts ripping off Iggy, which is like shootin fish in a barrel. I saw more leather nutsacks and low cut belly jeans than I cared to in one weekend. You girls are so easy...i can't wait till I have mega momey to bombard the airwaves with dumbass commercials and have you all, like sheep, running to the gap to look like the dingy girl in the desk next to you. AHEM, anyway. Almost got into a fight with some crusties who crashed Angry Sams party. Ironically it wasnt Angry Sam who was in the fray, but our pal Sheriff Bob (not an officer of the law) and Sams's brother whose italian blood, when provoked has an inkling for a Louisville slugger and no regard. But then left, realizing half the party would hurt them seriously if they threw another bottle at the house next door. Crusty punks smell...and are a general nuisance. They pranced around the house going on and on about "im an artist" or something like that. I don't think they liked Tom's paintings. Im conviced crusties are the evolutionary equivolent to laughing hyenas. They make a lot of noise, the are scavengers...and are, in general, annoying to the rest of the serengeti. They aren't loved, clearly, don't want to be loved, and live sad pathetic lives feeling they are upsetting the rest of us with their baffoonery...which usually is never funny. Even the dick who ate candle wax and let it drip out his mouth like come or something and made funny statements to my wife was lackluster. He totally dropped the ball with that stunt. anyway Sunset Junction...is always the highlight of summer. It epitomizes summer. Its a fair, people sweat, corn on a shuck....ice creamy...screams and whirls of rides, POP! POP! of the ballons on game row...nearly a half of mile of Sunset Blvd becomes the icon of summer to me. Girls in halter tops...whirly hair-dos, sunglass bubble gum smiles... It should be this way....bloody fucking hot and slightly physically enduring (when you add alcohol to the equation). Thats why I go on and on about it selfishly, and mark it on my calender a year in advance, to me it IS summer. And I didnt see Elliot Smith. And the Beachwood Sparks still suck. We wrapped everything up nicely last night watched the sunset on sams porch and worked on the last 1/3 of the keg, Sam Adams with an ice cube in it. Oh and I also got to drive my girl friends Galaxy....64 model I think. It has the pushbutton transmission....NEATO! HONK ! HONK i tooted through silverlake. Damn i like these pants. |
how chic. i mean, chick.. what a chick thing to say. |
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patrick. that sounds irish. -those sombreros arnt big enough, baaad little white girl- |
(by the way my gender is female so i cant try that out, thank god) |
let me answer your question with the hopes of getting this thread going again. i've never pulled my nuts over the top of my waistband per se, but you can squeeze them to the brink of pain, and yes, they do look like brains. and my name is actually Nepalese. |
Thank you Oro! and i still wonder why Cz posted an urban legend as a first-person story... |
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